Stop Asking Others What You Should Do - Listen To Yourself Instead

0:00 This is Growing Uncomfortable, the podcast that explores techniques that will improve your life. Growing Uncomfortable with Stephanie Lee starts right now. Now, Hello, this is Stephanie and this is Growing Uncomfortable, the podcast where I talk about growing uncomfortable about you, getting out of that comfortable situation that you're not so crazy about and getting a little uncomfortable to get to your dream or desire. That is so cool and I want that for you. If you are a new listener here at Growing Uncomfortable, I want to welcome you and I hope that you enjoy this episode. Now, everybody, gather around, get your favorite beverage, sit down, relax, listen and enjoy this episode. Stop asking others what you should do. Well, that's the truth. As Walter Begahet said, the great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

1:04 You see, people will tell you what to do. Your family, your friends, your neighbors and acquaintances. Believe me, they'll tell you what to think. They'll tell you what you do right or wrong, how to be better live your life and further your career, as if they knew. Hmm. But none of the people who tell you what to do. Know what's best for you? Right, what's happened in your life to give you that desire? And you should stop listening to them? Just stop it. They don't know you as well as you think they know you. This includes family and friends, especially as you get older and are on your own, perhaps not telling your every move and thought to them. Now, this has happened to me with my family. No matter how comfortable you are and how long you've known a person, they don't know the real you, and really how could they. They know the version of you that you chose to share with them, which might be about eighty percent of yourself, but it's that twenty percent that you don't share. It's never going to be the complete one hundred percent that makes up you. The advice they give you can only be as successful as the amount they know about you. Well, the will you They tell you what they want you to do, and that includes people with the best intentions influenced by their

2:35 own desires. Right. These people, whoever they are in your life, obviously care and want you to be happy and successful, but in a way that fits their own definition, and that definition may not match yours, so be careful. They will tell you what they would do if they were in the same circumstances, whether they are an expert or not, and also stop asking them what they would do that might help. When people offer you advice, they base it on what they would do if faced with a similar situation. But what they would do is based on who they are.

3:20 Who they are, who they were when they were growing up. Right. We talk about this all the time on growing uncomfortable. They talk about who they are, not who you are. Their intentions may be pure, but the reasoning is often misunderstood. I have an example, of course, the story about a free podcasting hosting platform and me, well, let me tell you a little bit about it. About three years ago, I was influenced about an idea on podcasting. I had an idea to do a short three minutes or less podcast giving listeners like yourselves, little tips to do during the day to be motivated to do great things. They were tips and tricks that had worked for me, and it was on a free hosting platform. I didn't have to pay for it. I thought it would help me get my voice the way I wanted it to sound on the long form podcast like this one. And I experimented with different ways of speaking and different kinds of music, and I loved it. Sounds great, right. When I asked the podcasters that had been podcasting for many years, well, they put it down. They discouraged using the hosting platform.

4:37 After hearing it from about four really well known, well respected podcasters, and after I had almost one hundred episodes of this short, three minute or less podcast, I let these other well intentioned podcasters right, they didn't mean to do anything bad, but I let them influence me to feel bad about making the podcast on that platform, so I stopped doing the podcast. Now, that was my fault. I shouldn't have let them influence me. That was a lesson learned. I was learned the hard way, and I regret it. I would hate for you to have something that you regret as well. Just because somebody has an opinion about what you should do doesn't mean they are right.

5:29 Opinions aren't facts. Take their opinion for what it's worth because it's happening to you and not them. Their opinion does not mean very much for your life. If the person you tell is a family or close friend about something that you want, maybe there is a possibility that they don't want you to change. If you change, then they might have to change too to fit into your new lifestyle. That's hard. Other people may love you so much the way you are right now that they fear certain decisions you make will change you, and that those changes could impact your relationship with them. It sounds very convoluted, but I've seen it happen. It's usually in your best interest to change, to evolve into more of a person you want to become and the life you want to have.

6:28 But beware the person who fears your evolution and your change. They're not you. So you may ask why don't they want to see me change? That's a question you perhaps could ask yourself. Well, ultimately, it comes down to this. You are the expert on you. You are the expert on why oh you. Nobody can know what's best for you better than you. So trust your instincts, stop listening to other people, and own your own decisions. He'll be so glad you did. Here's my second story, and it's a story that kept happening and happening and happening to me until I decided that I didn't want to hear it anymore. It's a story about applying for a new job or position. Mostly it happened when I was younger. Well, this is the way it would go. I was excited about a position and would share it with my family or friends, and I would share that I had a desire to apply for that position. I would hear, think about it, Are you really qualified? You've tried this before.

7:47 Why are you trying it again? Your resume has nothing to do with the job, so why are you even applying for it? Can't you just settle for what you have? You can't do that kind of work. Augh, and the best one you need to meet a man that will take care of you. Ah. I feel like screaming again. Lesson learned the hard way, and I regret it because I let a lot of jobs go because of what other people have thought about me. Hey, it's getting warm, the spring and summer are here. So if this is a family member and you can't get away from them during these outings and their opinion on what you should do, here's my idea. Someone told me this so many years ago and it stuck with me. Don't go as often and don't stay as long. What does that mean, Well, it means don't go to every gathering that you have, and when you do go, don't stay as long. If you normally stay five hours, make it too then nothing can bother you. This may be harsh, but it will make you feel great and guess what else you'll feel in control control of your own life. Not only are you making your own decision about who you spend your valuable time with, and it is valuable every single minute

9:19 of time, but you are limiting those negative feelings by timing how long you are with a family member or a friend or anyone else, no matter how well intentioned they may be. It's not all bad to get a different perspective when you tell them you're about to follow your dreams. Ha ha, But an outside opinion can help give you some perspective. It's true, but you, me and everybody else out there must be smart and know how to separate constructive criticism from negativity. The only yes you need to follow is your own. Yet, yes, your dreams are yours and not anyone else's. So if you say yes, I'm going to do it, then you should. You will ultimately feel strong as you prove the doubters wrong. People who followed their dreams are doers. And doers have more power to create, influence and change their environment. And that's you.

10:25 And you have the chance to change the world if you want to. You will inspire others to follow their dreams and desires, even if they know nothing about you. Well, have I ever told you the story of Genevieve Bhrand? I know I did tell you a little bit about it, maybe a couple of months ago, maybe even six months ago, But here I am telling you about it again because it has everything to do with this episode. Well, the story of Genevieve Bhrand began in the early nineteen hundreds when Genevieve Barrand had a dream, a desire. Her dream and her desire was to be taught by Thomas Troward, a great leader of mental science, spiritual philosophy, and wisdom.

11:11 Today we refer to Thomas Troward as a thought leader. Her friends told her over and over again that there was no point in continuing to pursue meeting Troward because of the failure and disappointment that would follow. These friends meant well, right, just like your friends and family. Meanwhile, and didn't want to see their friend get hurt. But in the end, we see how Genevieve desired this so much. She did what she wanted to do by not listening to any one. She finally got to meet Thomas Troward, and although initially hesitant to take on a student, he Thomas Troward did have Genevieve brand as a student. Genevieve got what she wanted through not listening to anyone else and doing what seemed right for her. And that's what I want for you too, So dust yourself off and try again. It's your life, live it on your terms. Hey, you know what, if you enjoyed growing Uncomfortable, that's great and I love that. Email me Growing Uncomfortable at gmail dot com. You can also go to Growing Uncomfortable dot com slash s i t E to get to all my episodes, my show notes, and there's a bio on me.

12:30 If you're wondering what I'm all about. And if you enjoyed growing Uncomfortable, I know, I just bet perhaps maybe you may enjoy Talktails and Trivia. Talktails and Trivia at gmail dot com is how you reach me, and go to Talktailsintrivia dot com slash s I T E to get to my episodes show notes, and that bio on me is there. If you're wondering what I'm all about. Before I leave you, I do want to tell you that you can follow Growing Uncomfortable and Talk Tales on Trivia because you will get the notifications of when new episodes come out. I hope you enjoyed this episode of Growing Uncomfortable and I will catch you later. Okay, bye bye