Are You Stoic? - Everyone Needs A "Stoic Toolbox" - Learn How

0:00 This is Growing Uncomfortable, the podcast that explores techniques that will improve your life. Growing Uncomfortable with Stephanie Lee starts right now. Now. Hello, this is Stephanie and this is Growing Uncomfortable. You know what, I am growing uncomfortable every day in every way, and I hope you are too, because being uncomfortable is truly the best place on earth because that is where you get out of your comfortable situation that you don't like and you know you don't and you get to explore new and different and uncomfortable things, and that's where you see all the good changes that happen to you. If you are a new listener here at Growing Uncomfortable, I want to welcome you and thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. I hope that you enjoy it. Now, everybody, gather around, get your favorite drink, sit in that comfortable chair like you always do, Relax, listen and enjoy this episode on how we can become stoics. Haha. Well, let's find out how to do just that. A stoic person is someone that is indifferent, not showing much emotions or feelings, and that's right, but it also means having virtue, tolerance, and self control, and at its core, the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings or emotions. And that's all good,

1:32 and that is so true. Well, the beginning of the Stoic philosophy began with Zeno of Cyprus. Zino lost everything when he was shipwrecked in Athens around three hundred BC. As the story goes, Zeno began to study the teachings of Socrates, which is a great philosophy, but eventually he began to teach his own philosophy using components of the teachings of Socrates, end with his own teachings from his own beliefs on life. And the word stoic. Well, this comes from the actual place Zeno from Cypress gathered around to discuss philosophy, the town's square. In today's world, we are taught through the lens of Zeno from Cyprus that the word stoic means simply someone that stays calm under pressure and avoids emotional extremes. Having no emotional extremes is very difficult. But if you haven't heard of Zeno, here's a more recent philosopher that you may know. One of the most famous Stoics was the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, who lived about two thousand years ago. He would set aside time each day for writing about things like compassion, humility, and restraint. These writings offer a look into the life of one of the most powerful people in history and show his belief that we are truly in control of our actions, mood, and future. If anyone can show me

3:07 and prove to me that I am wrong and thought or deed, I will gladly change. I seek the truth which never hurt anybody. It is only persistence and self delusion and ignorance that does harm. That's from Marcus Aurelius's book Meditations, Book six, passage twenty one. Marcus Aurelius reminded himself and now us waste no more time talking about what a good man is like be one. On the Daily Stoic website, there's this for those of us who live our lives in the real world. There is one branch of philosophy created just for us, Stoicism. It's a philosophy designed to make us more resilient, happier, more virtuous, and wiser, of course, and as a result, better people, better parents, and better professionals. And that sounds great. Well, perhaps, just perhaps, let's look at the three important Stoic tenants to remember. Perception, how you see things, discipline of action, that's what actions you take in the world and will, how we all endure and bear the suffering of life.

4:22 How do we do that? Stoicism is an inner compass to guide you in how you live your life with the life challenges of temptations, suffering, difficulty, and stress. The true Stoic will use the philosophy to navigate the difficulties of life in a practical and real way. Marcus Aurelius would often practice a Stoic exercise that is referred to as taking the view from above, and we can all do this, and we probably do. Sometimes. It invites us to take a step back, zoom out, and see life from a higher vantage point than our own. This exercise, envisioning all the millions and millions of people, all the armies, farms, weddings, divorces, births, deaths, prompts us to take a perspective and remind us how small, how tiny, we really are. It reorients us. The view from above changes our value judgments on things. The luxury, the power, the war, and the worries of everyday life become kind of ridiculous, and we discover that it's not worth fighting back as hard as we do ah the stoic.

5:40 Stoicism is about optimizing your actions. It's about keeping focused on right action in the face of adversity and everyday life. It's about taking the best actions and best steps regardless of what's going on around you. Even when chaos ensues, the stoic will become calm and almost meditative and zen like. Stoicism has never been about controlling your emotions, but rather not allowing your emotions to control you. There is a difference. Stoicism is the endeavor to ensure that these emotions do not sway you from making the most sensible and logical decisions in any given situation. Remember, it's keeping yourself in control and not letting your emotions control you. On the website It's Tactical dot com, I found this article entitled mastering your Reactions. How stoicism can put you in the driver's seat of life. In the article, it states that we are truly in control of our actions, remaining calm and neutral despite the predicament that you are in, the person that you are talking to, or the topic that is at hand. Yep, Calm and neutral is the key to being stoic. Now, a short story that happened to me a couple of years ago. I was at a

7:11 self development seminar enjoying myself, and I came back from lunch and there was a gorgeous present for me, and it was a coin. On one side of the coin it said respond, and on the other side it said react. I keep this coin with me at all times as a reminder. But what does it mean? The coin has a stoic meaning to it. Believe it or not. Being stoic helps you in every single way every single day. Maybe you can appreciate this. Ask yourself, are you in a react mode of engagement with somebody or something? Or are you in a respond mode of engagement with someone or something. We must strive to be more than we are, and here's how to start. I will ask you what is the difference between react and respond? Do you know? Well?

8:08 I didn't really know until it was pointed out to me on this very day I got this coin. Well, when you react, you are ready to fight and you will do anything to win an argument with anyone that disagrees with you. This may include storming off, and you may lose a friend, react and lose control. When you respond, you are calm, logical, and pick and choose your words and actions to deliberately get the other side to understand your thoughts or feelings. You control how you respond to things. You respond and stay in control. Therein lies the stoic method.

8:55 To respond. You must try to see the good in people to despite differing opinions or thoughts every day in every way, and it's hard. Sometimes we respond by keeping our thoughts and feelings intact, but still having control and a sense of decorum. Walk away calmly for a few minutes if you must, and then come back for the chat with the person. These emotions are there, They will always be there. It is impossible for emotions to stop or turn off quickly. We know that, But you will remain untouchable because of your peaceful attitude. So again, which one would you rather be? If you react, you will take the chance of not learning and gathering the needed information or data, even to the extent of someone storming off in anger and perhaps maybe never talking to you again.

9:52 You don't want that. But if you respond and our little stoic then you come across as an equal to whoever you are talking to. There is no threat or invasion of explosive temper, and on the rare case that maybe perhaps there is, you can easily brush it off and know that you have handled yourself in a good way, the best way, the most productive way, the stoic way. And if you don't agree with a point of view, you will find a way to appreciate everything that happens, because everything, even the downside of things, happen for a reason.

10:33 After all. Part of stoicism is learning that even the bad things, the bad news, the bad emotions, all these things that are toiling up inside us or inside of someone else can be good or the good things can be bad because they allow for a new or different opportunity to happen that we may not have even thought about. And remember Marcus Aurelius when he says, all you need to remember practice are a couple of things. Certainty of judgment in the present moment, action for the common good in the present moment, and an attitude of gratitude in the present moment for anything that comes your way. Being stoic is never a bad thing. It is a wonderful thing to keep your emotions in check so that you can understand people and live a more beautiful, less chaotic life.

11:29 Now Here are my personal tend seemingly way too simple stoic virtues to remember. Remind yourself that nothing is permanent, not even time, and remind yourself this too shall pass. Occasionally pause and take a deep breath, slow it down. Listen more and speak less. Haha. That was a big one for me to learn because I am a podcaster, so I have to listen more and speak less when I'm not doing my podcast. We will learn so much by being quiet and listening. Choose who you hang out with really well. Associate with those people you want to become, those successful, well educated people, those people that have the attributes that you wish to have. Respond to insults with humor.

12:28 When you hear unfavorable comments about yourself, remember to not react in anger. No, take the stoic away. Anger will get you nowhere, So move on. Just move on and realize everybody has something going on within them and it's not anything that needs to be bothering you. Don't speak too much about yourself. Remember, every person loves to be asked about themselves and loves to talk about themselves, so why not indulge them. Besides, you know everything about yourself. Now it's time to take the stoic method and learn as a person tells you about themselves. Speak without judging.

13:13 What's right for one person is maybe not right for you. You know that's true, and realize that every person grew up in a different environment. Understanding this one thing makes it harder to judge any one. Reflect on your day right before bed, think on the past hours throughout your day, as I do so often. It does help how they could have been spent better, Or think on your accomplishments. Ignore what others are doing. You have your own personal mission and you do, and even if you work as a team, pay attention to your day all day long and never complain. Realize there are people that have it far worse than you. I know, I know you hear that a lot and I have too, But there really are people that are far worse. So watch what you say and never complain. Because you want people to come around you and to want to be around you. If you use your imagination and are calm about it. You can live happy anywhere you see. Your imagination can take you anywhere you want to go, or be anywhere you want to be. Be grateful for your blessings and what you are given. Perhaps perhaps start by saying, right before you drift off to sleep, what exactly you are grateful for? Yes, I know I always say be grateful for things right before bed, but I bet it's more than you know.

14:45 And I bet that you will have a great time doing this. If you can accomplish only these few things that I've mentioned in this episode, then you are a true stoic and that is so cool. Hey, you know what, if you enjoyed this episode of Growing Uncomfortable, that's great And I love that. Email me at Growing Uncomfortable at gmail dot com. I love getting ideas, suggestions, questions, or just to say hello. I love that too. Go to Growing Uncomfortable dot com slash site to get to all my episodes, the show notes, and there's a little bio on me if you're wondering what I'm all about. And if you enjoyed Growing Uncomfortable, I think that you may enjoy Talktales and Trivia, where I talk about society culture, pop culture, and sometimes there's a little trivia too so that you can stump your family and friends. It is so much fun. Go too Talktalesantrivia dot com slash s I te to get to all my episodes, my show notes, and that bio is there if you're wondering what I'm all about. One more thing I have to say before I go is that you can subscribe and follow both Growing Uncomfortable and Talktails and Trivia to get the notifications of when new episodes come out. And that is so cool.

16:02 I hope you enjoyed this episode of Growing Uncomfortable, live that stoic life and have a happier day. I'll catch you later. Bye bye,