May 4, 2026

You Matter: A Courageous Conversation About Mental Health, Motherhood, and Healing

You Matter: A Courageous Conversation About Mental Health, Motherhood, and Healing

I started this Quick Before You Forget journey after getting laid off in January 2026 from what I believed and hoped was my dream job.

There was no master plan, aside from intentionally embracing the chaos of building the rocket ship in the air. There is just me on my yellow brick road making a conscious decision to keep showing up, keep creating, and trust who I’d meet along the way.

In this special Mother's Day episode of Quick Before You Forget, I sat down with Sharon Johnson, who I’ve been connected with mostly through TikTok for four years. And honestly, it showed through in our vulnerability, honesty, and very real friendship despite having never spoken before this moment.

We talked about leaving a belief system that no longer aligned. About motherhood without perfectionism. About suicidal ideation, TMS, therapy, and the slow rebuilding of hope. About body image, shame, boundaries, and learning to trust yourself again.

She said a lot that resonated with me deeply, including: What if life isn’t something you have to get right…what if it’s an experiment you’re allowed to live inside of?

We talked about managing mental health like a chronic illness without shame. About letting your kids see you care for yourself. About the sacredness of ordinary moments.

If you’ve ever outgrown the story you were handed…
If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re allowed to change or to have more fun or to create the life you’ve always dreamed of…

You are.

This one felt brave. And honest. And full of hope. I can’t wait for you to listen to it and tell me what you think.

Meaningful Moments

00:00 — “One Breath at a Time” (When You’re Just Trying to Survive)
00:01 — Meet Sharon Johnson: Motherhood, Mental Health & Real Life
00:02 — The Grandfather Who Shaped Her Perspective on Life & Loss
00:04 — Leaving the Mormon Church: What Finally Broke Her Shelf
00:07 — What to Do When Your Beliefs No Longer Fit Your Life
00:08 — Learning to Sit With Uncertainty (Instead of Fear)
00:10 — Postpartum Depression & the Fear of Being a “Bad Mom”
00:11 — What Kids Actually Remember About Their Childhood
00:13 — If You’re in a Hard Season: What You Need to Hear Right Now
00:14 — The Impossible Standard of the “Perfect Mom”
00:16 — Why Rest, Fun, and “Doing Nothing” Actually Matter
00:18 — Doing What You Want Without Caring What People Think
00:19 — Why Adults Forget How to Have Fun (and How to Get It Back)
00:21 — What Her Kids Taught Her That Therapy Couldn’t
00:24 — Living With Depression: The Reality No One Talks About
00:26 — Hitting Rock Bottom & Finding a Way Through
00:28 — “One Breath at a Time” — Managing Mental Health Daily
00:29 — Choosing Yourself Without Feeling Like a Bad Mom
00:31 — Why Self-Love Starts With Letting Go of Shame
00:33 — Handling Criticism, Trolls & Letting Go of Judgment
00:34 — You Don’t Have to Be “Better” to Be Worthy
00:38 — You Don’t Have to Love Your Body to Live Your Life
00:40 — “Do It Anyway” — Living Fully Without Waiting
00:41 — Doing Hard Things & Rewiring Your Brain
00:42 — Life as an Experiment (Instead of Something to Perfect)
00:44 — Vulnerability, Boundaries & Sharing Your Story Online
00:45 — If Everyone Could Hear One Thing: “You Matter”
00:47 — Why Your Joy Matters (Even If It’s Just for You)
00:48 — What She’d Tell Her 22-Year-Old Self
00:50 — Teaching Kids About Mental Health Without Shame
00:52 — Feeling Lost in Motherhood (and Finding Your Way Back)
00:54 — Losing Yourself Isn’t Forever — You Come Back
00:55 — Rediscovering Yourself Through Your Kids
00:56 — Music That Helped Her Survive (Noah Kahan, Stick Season)
00:57 — Why Feeling Seen Matters More Than Being “Fixed”
00:59 — The Power of Community & Not Feeling Alone
01:00 — Holding Onto the Moments That Matter Most
01:02 — You Didn’t Miss It — There Will Be More Moments
01:03 — “Choose the Fun One” (A Simple Life Rule)
01:03 — Learning to Trust Yourself Again
01:04 — The Sacred Power of Ordinary Family Moments
01:05 — Your Joy Is Not a Waste
01:06 — Final Thoughts: Life Is Messy… and It All Matters

Sharon Johnson's Song of Survival: Call Your Mom, Noah Kahan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XowR7Yupdg

Alex Warren, First Time on Earth
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aammt9Mvbwk

WEBVTT

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Time. My dad used to tell me, you just take

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one breath at a time. If you can't live hour

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to hour like day to day, you live hour to hour.

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If you can't live our to hour, you live minute

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a minute. If you can't live me in it a minute,

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you'll live one breath at a time.

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Sharon Johnson, Hello, and welcome to Quick Before you forget.

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Hello, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to

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be here.

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I am so grateful. So you, guys, you don't even

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know what you're in store for today, because Sharon is amazing.

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She is a content creator, a mother of six who

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uses honest storytelling to explore beauty and chaos of everyday life, motherhood,

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mental health, and personal growth with a massive and engaged

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audience across TikTok and other platforms. She's become a voice

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for parents everywhere by normalizing vulnerability, dismantling shame, and helping

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women feel good enough even in life's messiest moments. Today,

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we're here to learn from Sharon's story, and Sharon, what

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that looks like is walking a bit through your past,

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your present, and your future. Are you ready for that?

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I'm I'm ready. How detailed do you want because this

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story can get along.

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We're here for all of it, girl, we are here

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for all of it. So as much as you're willing

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to share, we will take it because I know that

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your stories help people and provide just a level of relatability.

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So I'm here, I'm ready. Let's go.

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Well, and thank you for that amazing introduction. I need

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that to like put on my bio. That was beautiful.

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Yes, well, thank you. And I'm wondering, you know, we're

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talking past, present, future. So who is someone just start

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with from your childhood who had a lasting impact on

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who you are today?

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You know, I obviously there's a million people. There's a

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lot of people, but I think right now the person

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that I would say that most about is my grandfather.

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He passed away at seventy one, about ten years ago,

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and I think at the time, I was so deep

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into motherhood and survival, and you know, my husband was

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in grad school and I didn't live close to my

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grandfather that I was just like, yeah, like this is sad,

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but Grandpa's die, Like that's that's what happens. And now

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you know, ten years later, I'm like, oh, he was

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seventy one. That is not that is not old, That

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is not the time that somebody should die. He was

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just a kind, straightforward, amazing man who I wish that

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I would have got to know better. And I grew

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up LDS and he was not And so I think

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in my brain that always kind of like put a

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wall in between us for me, because I was always

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in my head wanting to like recruit him, you know,

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save him that he needed when he died when I

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was still Mormon. So there was this idea, and it

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was always very confusing. How can he be such a wonderful,

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beautiful person and not have the Gospel the Church in

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his life. And so that's that's someone who has impacted

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me a lot. I talk about him a lot with

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my kids. We have pictures of him everywhere. He was

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a firefighter, he escaped, escaped, He created a beautiful life

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from a really hard, dark childhood. And I admire him

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and look to him for that. And yeah, he was

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just his name was Leslie Pratt. He was a beautiful,

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beautiful man.

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We love you, Leslie Pratt. We are remembering you today.

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I do. I love that. Thank you for sharing I am.

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You mentioned your departure from LDS. You said still Mormon.

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That tells me you left and I'm aware of that story.

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But for those that aren't, can you walk us through

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a little bit of how that unfolded for you?

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Yeah? I would say for the last ten years twelve years,

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I had started having a complicated relationship with the church.

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There were things that just came out that didn't that

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I didn't understand, social policies as well as deep doctrinal

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beliefs that were just confusing to me. And for about

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ten years I was able to carve out a space

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for myself to stay Mormon, to stay in the church,

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and say, Okay, I can believe what I want to believe.

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Nobody else gets to dictate how I practice my faith,

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and you know, this is my connection to God and

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kind of like falling more into like Christianity and Mormonism

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is just how my community, my heritage, this is how

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I practice it. And about four a little over four

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years ago, there was a speech made by one of

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the head become apostles, who I really loved. I always

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enjoyed the things that he had to say, and his

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talk was all about defending the traditional family, and he

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used the analogy of defending it with musket fire, and

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just a few weeks prior to that, a lesbian couple

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had been killed while camping. Is like a straightforward hate crime,

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just a few miles away from Salt Lake City. So

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that you know, we talk about Mormonism and a lot

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of high demand religion. There's this phrase people to use,

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They say what broke your shelf? And it's this idea

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that for years you've had to take these ideas that

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were confusing to you or didn't really work in your reality.

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But you believe the faith, and you believe it strongly.

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You take that book and you just put it on

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a shelf over here and you say, don't worry about it,

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It'll figure itself out. And if you do that enough times,

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then the shelf's going to eventually break. And that was

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my shelf breaker. That was my realization of oh, I

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do not belong here, I do not believe this. This

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is what the church is. I can say, oh this

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is you know, for years it was like, well, this

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is the church, but this is what it really should be,

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and I'm helping it get to this place of like

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love and acceptance. And it was just this smack in

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the face of no, this is the church, this is

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the gospel, this is what they believe. And I cannot

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raise my children here. I have six kids, and at

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the time I didn't have a child that was out

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at the time, But at the time I thought, I

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have six kids, the chances of me having a queer

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child are very high. I cannot raise them here. And

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I'm a woman. How am I raising my children and

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my girls here? And I left an about a year later,

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my oldest came out and it was it would have

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I think it would have killed them to stay in

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that environment and to have that judgment and that pressure.

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So so yeah, we left. My husband left with me

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about four years ago, and it's been a whirlwind. It

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kind of messes with your brain a lot, and it's

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been really difficult, and it still continues to be difficult,

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but we're moving through it. It's been beautiful and wonderful

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and I'm much much happier. Every aspect of my life

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is better now that I've left.

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Well, that story gave me chills, because you have done

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such good in all the time that you've spent on

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the internet talking through and kind of sharing parts of

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this story. And I want to know for somebody that's

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feeling kind of lost. It feels like they're conflicted, or

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feels like the faith that they've grown up in is

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not maybe the right fit for them. What would your

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advice be and how you kind of rebuilt your own

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faith around how you know what you believe?

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Advice is hard on this. It's like you have to

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go through all of the stages. There's no way to

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skip ahead and just deconstruct and just be okay. I mean,

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it takes years, and even now when I think, I

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mean it's been four years, and even now when I'm like,

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oh okay, like I'm good, We're past that, we're healed,

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we've moved on. I mean just just last week there

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was I heard about some talk given and for some

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reason it triggered something in me and I went on

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a rage fest, being angry and mad and feeling all

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of the same feelings again. So I think the biggest

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advice that I have is just to feel your feelings,

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to allow it to like pass through you and that

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you're valid and that this is this is real. And

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I think my biggest thing is I was so scared

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for so long, not knowing like how am I going

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to raise my kids? How do you even function without

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believing in something bigger? And you know, the church teaches

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a lot of churches teach this that it's scary to

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not know what's gonna happen after you die. It's scary

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to not believe in you know, a God that's answering

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your prayers. And it has been quite the opposite for me,

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where everything has become bigger and better and more magical,

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and my imagination can just thrive in this land of

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I don't know, which means anything's a possibility and I

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get to believe what I want to believe. I don't

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have to find the truth anymore. I can just believe

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what feels good and you're allowed to do that. So

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I think, just knowing that there is the other, there

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is another side, and it's big and it's beautiful, you

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just have to work through the scary in the hard together.

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What a cool mindset shift that you made there with

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anything as possible in the scary.

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Mm hm.

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That's like, you know, I fear and excitement are the

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same chemical in your brain and we decide and it's

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it's it's cool that you can flip that on its

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head and say, you know, there is there is uncertainty there,

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I mean, and we're not going to escape it, right, Like,

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we can't escape the uncertainty or the unknowing or the fear,

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but we can approach it differently. And I like how

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you kind of like flip that around. It's it's a

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great lesson for the viewers and listeners. It's also a

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great lesson for your kids. Like you are one of

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the most fun moms on the internet, I think because.

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I've tricked everybody into something.

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So anyway, well, it works, and I think it's authentic

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because it feels very real to me, and because you

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talk about your kids and we love we love the

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kids around here. What's something that you hope that they

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remember about how it felt to grow up with you

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as their mom.

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Oh, you know, I used to, especially after my second

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and I had really bad postpartum depression. I remember even

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during pregnancy. I remember being in the bathtub with my

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little girl pregnant, just as pregnants can be really depressed,

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and thinking, is this all she's going to remember? Like

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it's just a sad mom who wouldn't get out of bed.

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That was just like sad in the bathtub all of

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the time, And I've come to realize now that my

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oldest is almost sixteen, is that they don't remember the

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bad parts if you're trying, like if you're a good mom,

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you know. I talked to my sixteen year old and

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they're like, no, I just remember it being magical all

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of the time. I remember going on trips, and I

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remember painting, and I remember playing at the beach, and

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I remember going on trips and even laying on the

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couch watching cartoons after cartoons, like you're always there with me.

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And so I hope that I just I have a

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lot of I would say, guilt and regret growing, you know,

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raising a family, as a depressed mom in the middle

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of chaos. There is a lot of things that I

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wish I could go back and do differently. But I

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hope they remember just the fun, the magic, the love,

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and that I tried, that I was really trying, and

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I hope that they come to understand that. I don't

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think there's any way to escape that your kids are

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going to have some sort of resentment or be traumatized

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in some aspect as they're growing up. But I hope

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as they get older they can they can forgive me

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and they can see that I tried. I was just

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doing the best that I could.

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I'm super self aware of you, and it makes me

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It reminds me of a song that kind of changed

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my mindset around this a little bit too, which is

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it's an Alex Warren song called Your First Time on

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Earth and it talks through some of his grief with

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his mom and how it's like you just got to

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remember that it's their first time on Earth too, right,

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Like it's our parents first time on Earth too, and

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they're just figuring out as best that they can, just

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like we are. And isn't that a gift and a

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struggle at the same time. So I know you talked

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about the crying in the bathtub, and I'm wondering what

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you would wish someone or what you would whisper to

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some one if you could, who was in their current

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hard season right now, like they're the one in the bathtub.

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What would you What would you say to them?

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Oh? So many things? And I think what's hard is

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that I don't know if you believe them. I really

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don't know when you're in that space that you honestly

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believe it. It's so fascinating being to this point of

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being like a more veteran mom and being able to

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look back and be thinking about it in the lot

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a lot last few weeks of like, oh, the stuff

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that I worried about, like doesn't even cross my mind anymore.

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I was so hyper fixated on am I going to

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traumatize them? And are they going to remember that I

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yelled at them? And you know, just all of the

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bad things. I wasn't focused on the good things. And

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I think that every single mom it sounds cliche to say,

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needs to hear that you aren't doing so much better

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than you think you are. Every every single one, like

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we we just are so mean to ourselves, so mean

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to ourselves. And I think, yeah, that you're doing so

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much better than you think you are. And your kids, like,

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if you apologize, if you are doing your best, if

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you are trying, if you are listening to them, they're

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going to be fine. They're going to be fine.

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Let's double click on that a little bit, because you

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I feel like there's beliefs that you are breaking in

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this where like, what is it what is a belief

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about quote good moms that you had to unlearn?

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Oh my gosh, I think I don't know if every

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I think every mom kind of deals or a lot

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of moms deal with this. I think that growing up

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on a high demand religion where I essentially was raised

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to be a mom, I was raised to be a wife,

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I kind of say like, I've always been a mom.

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I've always been a wife because that's what I was

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told I was, that was my purpose, that's what I

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needed to be. And so there is a lot of

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I mean, we're also coming to understand that scrupulosity and OCD,

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this pure OCD really has had a hold on me

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for a really long time. So mine goes pretty deep

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in that, like not just oh a good mom reads

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with her kids, but oh, a good mom has a

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five course meal and is feeding them this like sit down,

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beautiful dinner every single night. You know, a good mom

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goes to every single soccer game. A good mom makes

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presents that are pretty. And so I need to worry

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about like which Christmas tags are going on, you know,

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the presence and if their color coordinated and they can

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remember that, are they going to feel loved? Are they

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gonna remember a mom that listened to them? You know,

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be a mom that's never angry, that always apologizes that

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never sits down, that never naps. And I think that

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is actually the biggest one for me right now, is that,

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especially in my community, you hear a lot about Oh,

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I had a mom that she was always working so hard.

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I never saw her take a nap, And that's put

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on a pedestal something that we should shoot for, right.

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My mom never missed a game. My mom never left

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us to go on vacation. And I hope, oh my goodness,

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I hope that my children are like sleeping was my

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mom's favorite activity. She napped all of the time my mom.

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I would come home and my mom would be reading

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a book, drinking a coffee and doing a puzzle at

294
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the coffee table. Like my mom would go out and

295
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lay on the grouse just to like ground herself. Like

296
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my mom was fulled whimsy and did whatever the hell

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she wanted all the time. I pray to God that

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my kids see that I was, like we want to

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call it lazy, took time for herself, did what she wanted,

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had friends, took vacations because it will give them permission

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to do the same, that they are a whole life person,

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even as a parent, and that they are deserving of

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fun and whimsy and free time and relaxation.

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I have two questions. One is I don't know how

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to back into it, because there's there's a video that

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comes to mind when you're talking about this that you posted.

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I don't remember how long ago it was. Friends, Sharon

308
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and I have been buddies on TikTok for a while

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we were talking. I think it's been four years. So yeah,

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from the very beginning, I know, it's really cool. It's

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been really neat to see the journey and to see

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you know, Sharon is one of the most vulnerable people

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that shows up on the internet. In my opinions. She

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shares the goods, she shares the bad, she shares everything

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in between. And one in particular moment that actually sticks

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with me kind of rent free is when you ran

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into the beach like you ran into the ocean I think,

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or I think it was an ocean or the lake

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fully clothed. And what when you posted that, Like, what

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did you want people to gain from from a video

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like that? Because I, like, I say, it lives rent

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free for me and you are a whimsical human who

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I admire, So talk us through what that was, why

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you posted it? And your reasoning behind it.

325
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Okay, I think when I post things, I don't often

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do so with the thought of what is someone else

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going to get out of this? It's very like therapeutic

328
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for me. It's very like sharing my story, sharing my thoughts.

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Sharing these like leaps of growth and what feels like

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big development for me is therapeutic and validating for me.

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So I don't think there's ever a moment that I'm like,

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I hope someone gets X, Y and Z out of this.

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I think it just feels like a big deal to

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me and I share it and whatever anybody wants to

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take out of that, like, go for it. In that moment,

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for me, what it was was just doing what you

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want without thinking about what other people think about it,

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and you just showing myself like oh you can just

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if you're walking on the beach and you're like, I

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want to be like this Jane Austin novel and into

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the ocean in this dress, and like I have that

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feeling and that want and you could call it that

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intrusive thought to be like want to do that and

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before I like shut it down to be like sharing

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your full grown adult that's something a child does or

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just like you just ignore it and don't even pay attention.

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I was like, no, you're gonna lean into it. You're

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actually gonna do it, Like shut up, shut up, shut up,

349
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all of the things in your head being like someone's

350
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gonna see you, someone's gonna say you're just doing it

351
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for attention, any of the reasons. Just hurry and do

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it before you can convince yourself out of it. And

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I just think, as like adults, we trained ourselves to

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not do fun things. Like I look at my six

355
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year old and she's in a cartwiled phase. She just

356
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learned to and she's like really good at and she

357
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just cart wilts.

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All of the time, like just in the middle of

359
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the store, in the middle of the house, walking around

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and like you know, she just makes funny noises, does

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funny walks.

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And like, what if we all just danced when we

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wanted to, Like what if we started listening to our

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our bodies and just did what we wanted when we

365
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wanted to do it instead of like being silly and

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telling it to shut up. Boo, I'm not doing that anymore.

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So that's what that moment was for me, was, Hey,

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you can just you can there are no rules. You

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can just do whatever you want.

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It reminds me a little bit of the moment that

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I shared on the internet about when my son said

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he wouldn't be that embarrassed if I wore the Princess

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Peach costume to Yes, I was wearing I was gonna

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wear a Princess Peach costume to a movie theater and

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he said it wouldn't be that embarrassed and it broke me.

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It broke me, and I, you know it was, I

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wore it anyway. And since then, he's now proudly wearing

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his ax a lot of onesie everywhere. He's twelve and

379
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he wears his ax a lot of Onesie wherever, you know,

380
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wherever we we let and wear it, he'll wear it.

381
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So you know, it just it goes to show that

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we it starts with us as parents, and your daughter

383
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cart wheeling everywhere is proof that they they mirror what

384
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they see in us in terms of like they take

385
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their cues and they know that, oh, it's okay to

386
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be myself, it's okay to let that energy out because

387
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a lot of times, I mean, it's energy that's built

388
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in that we need to get out. Somehow right, she's

389
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kartwheeling through the grocery store. Good for her, you know.

390
00:21:21.440 --> 00:21:24.920
So what we've talked a little bit about therapy, and

391
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you mentioned therapy, but I'm wondering what your kids have

392
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taught you that therapy didn't.

393
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Oh, I haven't thought of this question. I think the

394
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no amount of therapy or talking to somebody besides my

395
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kids could convince me that I was a good mom.

396
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And I think that my kids have taught me that

397
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that they're going to be okay. My kids have gone

398
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through so I have two kids that are adopted from

399
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a kinship adoption. They are my sister in law's children.

400
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They've gone and all of them collectively, like we've gone

401
00:22:06.680 --> 00:22:09.240
through a lot of hard things as a family, as individuals,

402
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a lot of them have a lot of like trauma.

403
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And I was so hyper fixated on trying to minimize

404
00:22:18.039 --> 00:22:20.440
that as much as possible and terrify that there is

405
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no way for me to do that, and that not

406
00:22:23.960 --> 00:22:27.319
doing that made me a bad mom, and that like

407
00:22:27.400 --> 00:22:31.400
love wasn't enough to fix these things. And I think

408
00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:37.039
they have taught me one love can do some really amazing,

409
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miraculous things. To effort, effort counts and kids do see it, right,

410
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they do see it, And I think how just through

411
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how the healing is possible. Some of my kids, the

412
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things that they have gone through, you would never guess

413
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in a million years that they've gone through that. They

414
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are happy, they are kind, they are just resilient. They

415
00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:11.079
are amazing, and they have had to work really really

416
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hard to get there, but it's possible. And I think

417
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they've given me a lot of hope that, oh, you

418
00:23:18.480 --> 00:23:22.839
can be happy in really crappy circumstances, you can get

419
00:23:22.880 --> 00:23:27.279
past things and you can heal. Yeah, my kids are amazing.

420
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They're amazing.

421
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I'm grateful you have that, and I want you to

422
00:23:31.319 --> 00:23:34.000
know that you've done that for me. You have gone

423
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through some mental health things, some challenges, and you can

424
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talk as much or as little about that as you want,

425
00:23:39.880 --> 00:23:44.640
but I want to just acknowledge that you are a

426
00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:48.599
human that's gone through some hard things yourself and you

427
00:23:48.960 --> 00:23:52.640
give people hope on the daily, which is something I'm

428
00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:55.920
very grateful for at scale. And I want you to

429
00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:58.799
talk through that as much as you want to, what

430
00:23:58.839 --> 00:24:01.920
it was like to be in those dark times and

431
00:24:02.079 --> 00:24:06.000
how what you learned from them as you've now kind of.

432
00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:07.640
I mean, I don't think any of us has ever

433
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:10.960
done right. The goalpost keeps Yeah, we have work to do,

434
00:24:11.000 --> 00:24:14.480
we are works in progress, and you've made some massive

435
00:24:14.519 --> 00:24:16.920
strides and you've done some really cool things. So can

436
00:24:16.960 --> 00:24:19.039
you walk us through the darkness a little bit and

437
00:24:19.119 --> 00:24:22.200
how you have found your own inner light?

438
00:24:23.799 --> 00:24:27.000
Yeah? I have mental health issues since I was like

439
00:24:27.039 --> 00:24:30.160
twelve or fourteen years old. My dad has severe depression.

440
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It was always something I was very lucky to grow

441
00:24:33.079 --> 00:24:36.440
up in a household where my parents didn't necessarily know

442
00:24:36.480 --> 00:24:40.680
how to help me, but they were not adverse to

443
00:24:40.759 --> 00:24:42.720
getting me help. You know, they knew that something was

444
00:24:42.720 --> 00:24:44.319
wrong and it was something that we talked about. You know,

445
00:24:44.359 --> 00:24:46.680
I knew my dad was on medications. My parents had

446
00:24:46.680 --> 00:24:49.559
been in therapy before, so they got me as much

447
00:24:49.559 --> 00:24:51.519
help as they could and resources that they could at

448
00:24:51.559 --> 00:24:55.119
the time. And my mental health has always been up

449
00:24:55.119 --> 00:24:57.200
and down. It would get good and then bad. I

450
00:24:57.319 --> 00:24:59.680
dropped out of you know, college early and had to

451
00:24:59.680 --> 00:25:03.799
come home home. I've been suicidal a few times. It's

452
00:25:04.599 --> 00:25:09.000
been very hard decades of trying to figure out what

453
00:25:09.119 --> 00:25:11.119
is going on, why I am the way that I am,

454
00:25:11.400 --> 00:25:19.200
and how to manage it, and about two years ago

455
00:25:19.319 --> 00:25:22.160
is probably when I was at my worst. And I

456
00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:24.359
think that that's something that a lot of people don't

457
00:25:24.359 --> 00:25:27.319
talk about, is that you have you know, we were

458
00:25:27.359 --> 00:25:32.079
in crisis and survival mode for so long, and you

459
00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:35.720
have this like adrenaline in you and your body protects

460
00:25:35.759 --> 00:25:39.880
you from really understanding what's going on in your life.

461
00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:43.920
And it wasn't intel things started to normalize and the

462
00:25:44.039 --> 00:25:48.279
crisis and the chaos started to settle that I fell

463
00:25:48.319 --> 00:25:53.680
apart because you now have space to feel those feelings.

464
00:25:54.200 --> 00:25:57.680
You can be more objective in what actually was happening,

465
00:25:57.799 --> 00:25:59.920
and you can accept those and you can see it

466
00:26:00.079 --> 00:26:05.799
for what it was. And so things got dark real

467
00:26:05.880 --> 00:26:09.160
fast from me. About two years ago, I was suicidal.

468
00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:12.960
My husband and my mom had a plan where they

469
00:26:13.039 --> 00:26:14.799
flew me down to Arizona and I stayed there for

470
00:26:14.839 --> 00:26:16.920
two weeks so I could stay with my parents, my

471
00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:19.680
husband could be here taking care of the kids. And

472
00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:26.440
that's where kind of you know, there's levels to progressing

473
00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:28.640
through mental health, you know, and this was just another

474
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:32.119
step up of oh, like this is bad. You now

475
00:26:32.279 --> 00:26:33.880
have the time to take care of this. We need

476
00:26:33.920 --> 00:26:36.880
to figure this out, and all of our focus went

477
00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:42.720
into figuring out my mental health, started intense therapy. I

478
00:26:42.759 --> 00:26:46.680
did something called TMS with this transcranial magnetic stimulation, which

479
00:26:46.720 --> 00:26:50.240
I had never heard of before, and that was hugely helpful.

480
00:26:52.119 --> 00:26:58.000
And I mean, it's hard when you're in those dark

481
00:26:58.079 --> 00:27:01.359
times because you truly don't think you'll ever get better,

482
00:27:01.400 --> 00:27:04.599
and you're also just tired from doing it for two decades.

483
00:27:04.720 --> 00:27:07.480
Like I was just tired.

484
00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:10.680
You had a right to be, and yeah, yeah.

485
00:27:11.240 --> 00:27:13.480
It just felt like it's never going to get better.

486
00:27:14.200 --> 00:27:18.599
I am a burden to everyone because of this, to

487
00:27:18.680 --> 00:27:21.640
my children, to my husband, to my parents. Like you

488
00:27:21.799 --> 00:27:26.039
really get to a point where you think that the

489
00:27:26.079 --> 00:27:30.079
most logical conclusion is to be done. It doesn't it

490
00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:32.519
doesn't make sense to keep going like this, and I'm

491
00:27:32.839 --> 00:27:37.119
I'm so so grateful. It's actually a tick talk that

492
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:42.440
I saw by a nurse weeks before kind of I

493
00:27:42.480 --> 00:27:45.960
went into before I went into suicidal ideation, where it

494
00:27:46.039 --> 00:27:47.720
was just a really simple TikTok and it was a

495
00:27:47.799 --> 00:27:51.759
nurse talking about how he gets concerned when a mental

496
00:27:51.799 --> 00:27:54.839
health patient who is not doing well suddenly starts doing

497
00:27:54.880 --> 00:28:00.160
better and like instantly just you know, starts giving things away,

498
00:28:00.279 --> 00:28:06.160
starts being really happy, it's really concerning. And in that

499
00:28:06.519 --> 00:28:09.799
moment of me startting to just think like, oh, this

500
00:28:10.039 --> 00:28:13.079
just makes sense, like I've never felt better, I feel great,

501
00:28:13.279 --> 00:28:16.640
Like let's just be done with this is fantastic. That

502
00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:20.079
TikTok popped into my head and I thought, oh, you

503
00:28:20.119 --> 00:28:26.119
don't feel crazy. It doesn't feel illogical, it doesn't sound wild.

504
00:28:26.359 --> 00:28:28.480
It sounds like, oh no, this makes the most sense.

505
00:28:29.000 --> 00:28:33.000
And that made me pop out of Oh, you probably

506
00:28:33.000 --> 00:28:35.400
need to tell somebody about what's going on right now.

507
00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:39.319
And so I think, what do you learn from that?

508
00:28:39.519 --> 00:28:47.799
I think you just how it's just one tiny little

509
00:28:47.839 --> 00:28:49.440
step at a time. My dad used to tell me,

510
00:28:49.440 --> 00:28:52.480
you just take one breath at a time. If you

511
00:28:52.519 --> 00:28:54.519
can't live hour to hour, like day to day, you

512
00:28:54.559 --> 00:28:56.160
live hour to hour. If you can't live out to hour,

513
00:28:56.200 --> 00:28:57.519
you live minute a minute. If you can't live me

514
00:28:57.519 --> 00:29:00.000
in at a minute, you'll live one breath at a time.

515
00:29:00.079 --> 00:29:03.079
I'm the negative signs. You learn when to ask for help,

516
00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:07.240
and that is that was one of the greatest lessons

517
00:29:07.839 --> 00:29:12.559
that really made me able to get better. And I say,

518
00:29:12.640 --> 00:29:16.000
go my depression to go into remission is that I'm

519
00:29:16.039 --> 00:29:18.319
managing it. I'm not making it go away.

520
00:29:19.119 --> 00:29:22.279
And how does that management, Like how does you managing

521
00:29:22.319 --> 00:29:25.640
your mental health impact how you parent and connect.

522
00:29:25.319 --> 00:29:31.839
With your kids? I mean just being aware of things

523
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:34.640
like how I talk to them, how I'm acting around them,

524
00:29:34.640 --> 00:29:36.960
how I'm showing up for them. It is hard because

525
00:29:38.640 --> 00:29:42.680
I do have to choose myself over them. Sometimes there

526
00:29:42.680 --> 00:29:46.759
are times that I do have to miss, you know,

527
00:29:46.799 --> 00:29:50.119
a player recitle because it's February and in February Mom

528
00:29:50.160 --> 00:29:52.720
has to leave for a few weeks to go to

529
00:29:52.759 --> 00:29:55.000
the beach and go to the sun. Otherwise, like mom

530
00:29:55.160 --> 00:29:57.920
is not going to be here to function well for anybody.

531
00:29:58.480 --> 00:30:01.680
And so it's a balance, but it's a balance just

532
00:30:01.759 --> 00:30:06.839
like any other illness or disease that you had, Like

533
00:30:07.039 --> 00:30:10.319
there would be things that your kids had to sacrifice

534
00:30:10.359 --> 00:30:13.720
because they have a mom who you know is sick.

535
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:17.279
And that's that's okay. It's just the reality. It's not bad,

536
00:30:17.480 --> 00:30:21.119
it's not good. You just have to learn to live

537
00:30:21.119 --> 00:30:23.200
with that. You know, you have to learn to manage it,

538
00:30:23.240 --> 00:30:25.079
and you have to learn that it doesn't have anything

539
00:30:25.079 --> 00:30:27.039
to do with how good of a parent you are.

540
00:30:27.559 --> 00:30:30.319
And I think that it teaches my kids to take

541
00:30:30.319 --> 00:30:33.640
care of themselves and that their mental health is real health,

542
00:30:34.640 --> 00:30:38.960
and that it needs attention and it needs taken care of.

543
00:30:40.720 --> 00:30:43.440
So how do you start to love yourself more? Because

544
00:30:43.440 --> 00:30:46.279
I feel like that's a huge part of what led

545
00:30:46.359 --> 00:30:50.400
you here is deciding that you are darn well worthy

546
00:30:50.680 --> 00:30:53.119
of taking that couple weeks in the sun that you need.

547
00:30:53.240 --> 00:30:56.480
So how do you? Because for people that are really

548
00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:59.119
in a hard time, I think that that is one

549
00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:02.079
of the hardest things things to get to and it's

550
00:31:02.119 --> 00:31:05.079
also like the most important because you need to talk

551
00:31:05.119 --> 00:31:07.160
to yourself like you would talk to your kids. You

552
00:31:07.160 --> 00:31:08.759
need to talk to yourself like you would talk to

553
00:31:08.759 --> 00:31:11.799
somebody you love. And a lot of us struggle with that.

554
00:31:12.279 --> 00:31:13.960
So how And you you've done a lot of work

555
00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:17.240
with this on you know your your body image, on

556
00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:21.599
you know your your your shame around being a good mom. How, like,

557
00:31:21.720 --> 00:31:25.319
what's the first step to being better at self love?

558
00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:29.920
I would say, I think for me is starting with shame.

559
00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:34.359
Being able to recognize it, know what it is, know

560
00:31:34.480 --> 00:31:39.000
how harmful it is, and know where it's coming from.

561
00:31:39.559 --> 00:31:42.759
That is because you can, at least for me, I

562
00:31:42.759 --> 00:31:45.480
could only convince myself so much, and like have so

563
00:31:45.559 --> 00:31:49.000
many affirmations of like you're a good person, you love yourself,

564
00:31:49.039 --> 00:31:53.200
you love your body. And instead of convincing myself that

565
00:31:53.279 --> 00:31:57.240
I like loved myself or loved things about me, I

566
00:31:57.400 --> 00:32:03.559
started with eliminating those kind of scrupulosity ideas that there

567
00:32:03.640 --> 00:32:06.960
is a right way to live, that there is a

568
00:32:08.119 --> 00:32:11.160
way my body should look, that there's a better way

569
00:32:11.480 --> 00:32:13.720
that there's a better way to parent, there's a better

570
00:32:13.759 --> 00:32:16.559
way to have a clean home, there's a better way

571
00:32:16.599 --> 00:32:20.039
to be a friend. I funny enough, I'm actually doing

572
00:32:20.039 --> 00:32:23.440
a post about this today. I got I don't usually

573
00:32:23.519 --> 00:32:26.079
look at comments when I have post go viral, right

574
00:32:26.119 --> 00:32:30.319
because they go outside of your audience and we're not

575
00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:33.960
dealing with that nonsense. And I just so happened. I

576
00:32:34.039 --> 00:32:38.279
was on Facebook checking some like back end work things

577
00:32:38.359 --> 00:32:41.799
and this comment popped up, and it is the most

578
00:32:41.839 --> 00:32:46.799
brutal comment I have ever gotten in my whole four years.

579
00:32:47.000 --> 00:32:50.559
And it was from a woman, and it was like dissecting, like,

580
00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:55.640
you know, I'm just like attention seeking and I pretend

581
00:32:55.680 --> 00:32:59.039
to be vulnerable and authentic when I'm not, and I'm not.

582
00:32:59.079 --> 00:33:02.000
I mean, it was just it was brutal. It was

583
00:33:02.119 --> 00:33:06.480
so brutal, and even six months ago that would have

584
00:33:06.559 --> 00:33:11.799
took me out like that would have hurt so deeply.

585
00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:20.839
And my first response to that was and like this idea,

586
00:33:21.000 --> 00:33:23.279
Like I didn't have to this is what's fascinating to me.

587
00:33:23.559 --> 00:33:26.279
I didn't have to think. One, that's none of that

588
00:33:26.440 --> 00:33:29.079
is true to me, right, that is not my reality

589
00:33:29.079 --> 00:33:31.920
in the world. So when I'm in a place which

590
00:33:31.960 --> 00:33:33.960
is fascinating to be confident enough to be able to

591
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:39.319
be like, oh no, that's not true, but two to say,

592
00:33:39.759 --> 00:33:44.640
even if it is, that doesn't make me a bad person. Okay,

593
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:49.000
Maybe I do love attention. Maybe I do like having

594
00:33:49.039 --> 00:33:54.200
a million followers, okay, right, Like maybe I do like

595
00:33:54.200 --> 00:33:57.240
like using this as therapy and like throwing all of

596
00:33:57.240 --> 00:33:59.480
my garbage out into the world for people to say,

597
00:33:59.480 --> 00:34:03.519
oh shit and like to be a victim. Okay like

598
00:34:03.640 --> 00:34:08.639
that And that broke my brain, right that I it's

599
00:34:08.679 --> 00:34:17.119
not about me like loving myself first, it's about accepting

600
00:34:17.599 --> 00:34:20.880
that I can. I can be whoever I want to be,

601
00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:24.280
and that's not bad or good. So therefore I can

602
00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:32.320
love everything about me because what okay, it's all just

603
00:34:32.360 --> 00:34:35.320
like neutral, right we see that word like morally neutral?

604
00:34:36.840 --> 00:34:40.280
Does that make sense? I realized that my self loathing

605
00:34:40.719 --> 00:34:43.159
and why I didn't like myself is because I wasn't better.

606
00:34:43.199 --> 00:34:46.920
I wasn't good. But who's out there saying what's good? Right,

607
00:34:47.239 --> 00:34:47.719
what's better?

608
00:34:48.000 --> 00:34:54.119
Yeah? I'm here for it. Yes, I the trolls are real, right,

609
00:34:54.199 --> 00:34:56.440
like on the aryet that the people that that struggle

610
00:34:56.519 --> 00:34:59.760
is real. And it made me wonder kind of like

611
00:34:59.800 --> 00:35:04.039
if there was a video that you wished had gone

612
00:35:04.119 --> 00:35:07.519
viral that didn't, You know, like there's something that because

613
00:35:07.719 --> 00:35:10.760
these these viral videos you get, you do you attract,

614
00:35:10.760 --> 00:35:12.599
like you say, like outside of your normal audience, and

615
00:35:13.039 --> 00:35:16.320
when that happens, it opens up the gate to every

616
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:18.599
kind of awful. But also I mean there's there's good

617
00:35:18.599 --> 00:35:21.199
stuff that happens with those two. But ma, there's a

618
00:35:21.280 --> 00:35:23.880
video that you you created that you thought was going

619
00:35:23.960 --> 00:35:26.280
to like pop off and it didn't.

620
00:35:26.760 --> 00:35:28.880
Oh, there's plenty. I don't know if I could say

621
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:30.840
anything off the top of my head, but I think

622
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:34.000
if there's plenty where you're sharing resources or you're sharing

623
00:35:34.079 --> 00:35:37.559
what feels like a really deep message that you wish

624
00:35:37.599 --> 00:35:41.239
everybody could hear, and it just doesn't move ye for

625
00:35:41.280 --> 00:35:43.920
whatever reason, you know, for the algorithm, because it doesn't

626
00:35:44.000 --> 00:35:47.480
hit because people aren't commenting. It's just and I think

627
00:35:47.639 --> 00:35:49.679
that's one thing that makes content creation not to go

628
00:35:49.719 --> 00:35:52.360
into that side of it. But difficult is that you

629
00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:55.000
just you have real, really no control a lot of

630
00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:58.360
times what pops off and what doesn't. So it's about

631
00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:02.880
quality over quantity. Sometimes eventually you produce enough of it

632
00:36:03.000 --> 00:36:04.920
that the message will get out to people one way

633
00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:05.360
or another.

634
00:36:06.079 --> 00:36:09.000
So what's a moment from your healing journey that you

635
00:36:09.519 --> 00:36:12.960
didn't realize was important while it was happening, but you

636
00:36:13.079 --> 00:36:15.920
know it now? Hmm?

637
00:36:18.760 --> 00:36:20.599
You might need to add it out some dead space

638
00:36:20.679 --> 00:36:22.800
right now because this is gonna give me a second.

639
00:36:22.679 --> 00:36:25.079
Take a second. I think you can take all the

640
00:36:25.119 --> 00:36:25.679
time you need.

641
00:36:27.920 --> 00:36:31.800
I know that I've had several, I mean just constant

642
00:36:31.880 --> 00:36:35.320
moments of like, wow, this is different.

643
00:36:40.960 --> 00:36:43.079
Even the brain switch you had with the comment, I

644
00:36:43.119 --> 00:36:46.840
mean that's impressive too. But I'm sure there's been a

645
00:36:46.960 --> 00:36:48.440
there's been a number of them.

646
00:36:49.320 --> 00:36:53.280
Yeah, I think that they happen, honestly, so frequently. Right now,

647
00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:56.280
it kind of feels like it was a snowball effect

648
00:36:56.360 --> 00:37:00.800
where it just started out so slow and it felt

649
00:37:00.840 --> 00:37:05.079
like it was just never going to change, and it

650
00:37:05.239 --> 00:37:12.840
now just is going so quickly. It's overwhelming. It's too

651
00:37:12.920 --> 00:37:16.159
much sometimes to have these big realizations about yourself just

652
00:37:16.199 --> 00:37:21.960
over and over and over again. It's a lot, I

653
00:37:21.960 --> 00:37:24.760
think a huge part for me. I recently got my

654
00:37:24.760 --> 00:37:28.480
own bedroom about six months ago. I asked my husband

655
00:37:28.559 --> 00:37:30.519
to move out of my bedroom to get his own

656
00:37:31.159 --> 00:37:35.679
and I just like, I love him, We have a

657
00:37:35.760 --> 00:37:41.960
decent marriage, likes it's good. But I, like I said,

658
00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:43.360
I was raised to be a wife and I was

659
00:37:43.480 --> 00:37:46.960
raised to be a mom and I just needed like autonomy.

660
00:37:47.199 --> 00:37:49.719
I needed this like switch in my brain to say,

661
00:37:49.719 --> 00:37:52.360
like I get my own space. Yeah, I don't have

662
00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:56.239
to think about someone else his feelings and their body

663
00:37:56.280 --> 00:37:58.920
and what they're doing and where they are and how

664
00:37:58.960 --> 00:38:00.679
they're sleeping. You know, I just want to I just

665
00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:05.119
want to see what happens if it's just me. And

666
00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:09.199
that's that's been a big A lot of realizations have

667
00:38:09.360 --> 00:38:13.039
come have come with that. So that's a hard question

668
00:38:13.159 --> 00:38:15.079
for me because there's just so many.

669
00:38:15.440 --> 00:38:18.039
Now you you answered it well though, in spite of that,

670
00:38:18.079 --> 00:38:20.239
because it can be a lot, and it can be

671
00:38:20.760 --> 00:38:23.440
I mean that that speaks to how we are honestly

672
00:38:23.480 --> 00:38:26.440
a constant work in progress, right, So it makes sense

673
00:38:26.480 --> 00:38:31.199
to me. And if someone listening is waiting to love

674
00:38:31.239 --> 00:38:35.000
their life until they love their body, what would you tell.

675
00:38:34.800 --> 00:38:36.840
Them, Oh, you don't have to love your body to

676
00:38:36.840 --> 00:38:40.639
live your life. I thank you. I know, I know

677
00:38:40.880 --> 00:38:47.039
right right, you know, I went on this like self

678
00:38:47.519 --> 00:38:50.639
love body love journey. Right in this there's this body

679
00:38:50.679 --> 00:38:55.079
positivity movement, and I realized once I started being able

680
00:38:55.119 --> 00:38:58.519
to recognize shame in what it is, I realized, Oh,

681
00:38:58.639 --> 00:39:02.559
I had shame because I don't like my body because

682
00:39:02.679 --> 00:39:06.840
I am fat. But then I also have shame that

683
00:39:06.920 --> 00:39:10.000
I don't love it. I like have all this shame

684
00:39:10.039 --> 00:39:12.599
that I'm not being body positive, that I don't love

685
00:39:12.679 --> 00:39:16.639
myself more. And like shame, it doesn't allow room for

686
00:39:16.719 --> 00:39:21.159
growth and education and love and learning and growing. It

687
00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:25.880
just it's just pain and it's just negative. So I

688
00:39:25.920 --> 00:39:31.039
just I developed this motto do it fat, and it

689
00:39:31.480 --> 00:39:34.679
just became this thing. I started telling myself that, oh,

690
00:39:34.800 --> 00:39:36.519
I can go on a hike, you know, I, Oh,

691
00:39:36.599 --> 00:39:39.599
come on a hike. I can't because I'm fat, because

692
00:39:40.079 --> 00:39:43.880
I embarrassed because I'm gonna breathe heavier. And it just

693
00:39:43.920 --> 00:39:46.719
became okay, so you're gonna be embarrassed. So you're gonna

694
00:39:46.719 --> 00:39:48.760
feel dumb, so you're gonna breathe heavier, so you're gonna

695
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:52.079
have to stop more. And you know, oh, I can't

696
00:39:52.079 --> 00:39:54.519
wear a swimsuit. I need to cover all everything up

697
00:39:54.559 --> 00:39:56.440
and wear a big T shirt. And it just like,

698
00:39:56.639 --> 00:39:59.280
I'm gonna be fat whether I'm playing with my kids

699
00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:01.239
or sitting on the ca I'm going to be fat

700
00:40:01.280 --> 00:40:04.760
whether I am at this. You know, I'm gonna feel

701
00:40:04.840 --> 00:40:07.880
bad about being fat if I am sitting on the

702
00:40:07.920 --> 00:40:10.199
couch or going swimming, So like, why not just do

703
00:40:10.320 --> 00:40:14.119
the thing? Well? Feeling like that, you don't you don't

704
00:40:14.119 --> 00:40:15.760
have to love your body. You don't have to even

705
00:40:15.760 --> 00:40:20.119
love yourself. You can do things, and doing those things

706
00:40:20.239 --> 00:40:22.559
is what is going to make you love yourself. It's

707
00:40:22.719 --> 00:40:25.760
going to make you love your body, or you'll just

708
00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:28.320
always be neutral about it, and that's that's okay. Okay too.

709
00:40:28.519 --> 00:40:30.480
I think this idea that we have to love everything

710
00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:37.119
about ourselves is overwhelming and not reasonable. There's so many

711
00:40:37.119 --> 00:40:39.599
things about myself that I don't like. And instead of

712
00:40:39.639 --> 00:40:42.159
like killing myself telling me that, like telling myself that

713
00:40:42.159 --> 00:40:44.519
they're bad and I need to fix them, I'm just like, yeah,

714
00:40:44.960 --> 00:40:48.000
I'm I just lose things. That's just what I do.

715
00:40:48.280 --> 00:40:50.440
Like I just I don't have the time and space

716
00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:52.400
to like worry about that or fix that right now,

717
00:40:52.559 --> 00:40:56.599
like I interrupt people. I'm slightly working on it. And

718
00:40:56.599 --> 00:40:59.760
also I'm not gonna feel bad about it, like I

719
00:41:00.199 --> 00:41:01.199
how I am.

720
00:41:01.440 --> 00:41:04.039
Well, self awareness is powerful. I mean, you know, you

721
00:41:04.119 --> 00:41:06.599
know the things, and you know how to how to work,

722
00:41:06.840 --> 00:41:09.559
how to live with them instead of you know, trying

723
00:41:09.599 --> 00:41:12.159
to go against your your nature. And that's just that

724
00:41:12.280 --> 00:41:14.519
seems like, you know, one of the that can be

725
00:41:14.599 --> 00:41:17.239
It's it's it's one of those says easy does hard things.

726
00:41:17.360 --> 00:41:19.360
I think for a lot of women in particular who

727
00:41:19.760 --> 00:41:23.679
struggle with, you know, trying to present this certain way,

728
00:41:23.880 --> 00:41:26.719
and it's like you just need to live in alignment

729
00:41:26.760 --> 00:41:29.599
with yourself and listen to what what your needs are

730
00:41:29.639 --> 00:41:32.719
and what you what. It's it's a it's an amazing

731
00:41:33.280 --> 00:41:35.800
shift when it happens, but it's it's not easy to

732
00:41:36.159 --> 00:41:39.519
kind of coach yourself through being able to do the

733
00:41:39.559 --> 00:41:41.679
things when you're you're in your own head about it.

734
00:41:42.000 --> 00:41:43.519
So how do how do you do that? Like how

735
00:41:43.559 --> 00:41:47.840
do you work through things that feel like hard in

736
00:41:47.880 --> 00:41:50.559
the moment but they end up being super worth it.

737
00:41:50.559 --> 00:41:54.360
In the end, it gets easier. It gets easier because

738
00:41:54.400 --> 00:41:57.320
it's practice and it's habit, and you start recognizing and

739
00:41:57.360 --> 00:41:59.280
be able to say, oh, I did that before and

740
00:41:59.280 --> 00:42:01.559
it didn't kill me, and so I can do it again.

741
00:42:04.719 --> 00:42:10.239
It's wait, what was the question? I'm so sorry?

742
00:42:11.360 --> 00:42:13.800
What do you learn from doing hard things? Essentially was

743
00:42:13.840 --> 00:42:16.840
the question? And I mean that's.

744
00:42:18.320 --> 00:42:22.039
You'll learn that you can just do things. Like like

745
00:42:22.119 --> 00:42:24.760
I said before, you do it once and then you

746
00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:26.360
realize you can do it again, and you can do

747
00:42:26.360 --> 00:42:28.119
it again, and you're going to mess up and you're

748
00:42:28.159 --> 00:42:30.599
going to learn. And I think that I've started to

749
00:42:30.679 --> 00:42:35.119
approach life more like an experiment instead of this thing

750
00:42:35.159 --> 00:42:36.559
that I have to figure out how to do.

751
00:42:36.800 --> 00:42:37.039
Right.

752
00:42:37.519 --> 00:42:41.760
You do it, and you're gonna not do it. There's

753
00:42:41.800 --> 00:42:43.679
no right right like you're gonna do it, and you're

754
00:42:43.679 --> 00:42:45.440
going to see the consequences that come from it, and

755
00:42:45.440 --> 00:42:47.719
you're gonna say, oh, I liked this consequences or I didn't,

756
00:42:48.119 --> 00:42:49.400
And so I'm gonna shift it and I'm going to

757
00:42:49.519 --> 00:42:51.239
change it. I'm gonna do it different next time, or

758
00:42:51.280 --> 00:42:53.159
I'm going to add this and see what happens. And

759
00:42:53.480 --> 00:42:56.519
it's like this big experiment that you get to figure

760
00:42:56.559 --> 00:42:59.079
out what you like, what you don't like. You're not

761
00:42:59.239 --> 00:43:02.199
set in stone who you are, and you need to

762
00:43:02.360 --> 00:43:04.599
change it at any time. You need to change what

763
00:43:04.639 --> 00:43:07.800
you believe at any time. And it just it's a

764
00:43:07.880 --> 00:43:12.000
lot more fun when you're approaching it as you know,

765
00:43:12.119 --> 00:43:14.280
how how does this work? How do I shift? How

766
00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:16.800
do I change these things opposed to I need to

767
00:43:16.800 --> 00:43:18.159
figure it out. I need to figure out how to

768
00:43:18.199 --> 00:43:19.480
do it the right way. And if I don't, I'm

769
00:43:19.480 --> 00:43:23.119
a bad person. I'm a bad mom. And yeah, you

770
00:43:23.280 --> 00:43:26.000
just it's so easy to say you just do things,

771
00:43:26.039 --> 00:43:28.760
you just do them. But that's that's where I'm at now,

772
00:43:28.880 --> 00:43:32.039
is you just do it well.

773
00:43:32.079 --> 00:43:35.480
One of those things is you know, you you've done

774
00:43:35.519 --> 00:43:37.360
a lot, and you've done a lot of hard work.

775
00:43:37.519 --> 00:43:41.800
And I'm wondering, you know, just in the roller coaster

776
00:43:41.920 --> 00:43:43.719
of all the different things that have happened and all

777
00:43:43.760 --> 00:43:47.480
the different opportunities you've had for growth, what part of

778
00:43:47.519 --> 00:43:50.360
yourself are you most grateful that you never let go of?

779
00:43:52.440 --> 00:43:56.920
I think my vulnerability I I have had to learn

780
00:43:56.960 --> 00:44:00.400
how to scale back that a little bit and that

781
00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:03.320
it's okay for me to not share everything, and that

782
00:44:03.400 --> 00:44:07.480
it's not a lie for me to keep things private.

783
00:44:07.599 --> 00:44:12.199
Something's private, it's not it's not deceptive, it's not my job.

784
00:44:13.199 --> 00:44:16.400
It's not required of me to share every part of

785
00:44:16.440 --> 00:44:21.599
me with everyone. But I like that it doesn't bother

786
00:44:21.719 --> 00:44:25.199
me to share myself with people. I like that I

787
00:44:25.280 --> 00:44:27.039
don't have you know, I get this common A lot

788
00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:30.320
of you're so brave for sharing all of these things,

789
00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:33.519
And part of me is like, what's brave about it? Like,

790
00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:37.400
this is my life, this is what's happening, this is

791
00:44:37.440 --> 00:44:41.079
what's happening in Like, the reason why I am popular

792
00:44:41.159 --> 00:44:44.079
with my audience is because they relate to it, So

793
00:44:44.320 --> 00:44:47.039
obviously this is happening with a bunch of other people.

794
00:44:47.079 --> 00:44:50.400
Other people are thinking these feeling these things, experiencing these things,

795
00:44:50.440 --> 00:44:55.480
like why is it brave to just talk about facts

796
00:44:55.960 --> 00:45:00.199
and life? And I'm so I'm just so glad that

797
00:45:00.199 --> 00:45:02.519
that's always It's always been a part of me to

798
00:45:02.679 --> 00:45:06.880
want to share, and for most the most part, I'm

799
00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:10.360
I'm not embarrassed about it. I don't feel weird about it,

800
00:45:10.440 --> 00:45:13.199
and I'm glad that I've I've been able to hold

801
00:45:13.239 --> 00:45:15.559
on to that and also give it some more boundaries.

802
00:45:16.840 --> 00:45:21.199
Boundaries are a good thing. Yeah, what's one message that

803
00:45:21.320 --> 00:45:23.960
you like? I handed you a microphone right now, like

804
00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:26.039
a megaphone. I mean we have microphones, but like a

805
00:45:26.039 --> 00:45:29.760
megaphone that everybody was forced to listen to this one

806
00:45:29.840 --> 00:45:32.760
thing that Sharon has to say, What would it be?

807
00:45:33.559 --> 00:45:36.599
You know, I've thought about this question because he emailed

808
00:45:36.639 --> 00:45:42.239
it to me and I was like, Oh, that's that's

809
00:45:42.280 --> 00:45:43.920
a hard question.

810
00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:45.360
For me.

811
00:45:48.880 --> 00:45:52.880
I think the biggest thing is just that that you matter,

812
00:45:53.239 --> 00:45:57.960
like all of you matters, your trauma matters, your joy matters,

813
00:45:58.000 --> 00:46:07.119
your love matters. Like it, it counts, it matters. That's it.

814
00:46:07.119 --> 00:46:09.880
That's not it, That's that's the whole point. That's the

815
00:46:09.920 --> 00:46:15.400
whole thing, right, Yeah, it's literally the entire point. And

816
00:46:16.119 --> 00:46:20.320
I'm grateful because it is a hard question and it's

817
00:46:20.360 --> 00:46:24.320
so important that people know that. You know, there's there's

818
00:46:24.360 --> 00:46:26.719
a song that sings inside our soul. To quote a

819
00:46:26.719 --> 00:46:29.199
friend of mine, Jeff Griffin, there's a song that sings

820
00:46:29.199 --> 00:46:32.719
inside every every one of us, and it's almost our

821
00:46:32.800 --> 00:46:36.719
job to share that with the world. Within the boundaries.

822
00:46:36.719 --> 00:46:38.480
Like you said, it doesn't have to be everything, and

823
00:46:38.519 --> 00:46:41.840
it's it's whatever you're comfortable with. And however that presents

824
00:46:41.880 --> 00:46:45.880
for you, and it it matters that you do that,

825
00:46:46.239 --> 00:46:50.079
and it matters because you're you're somebody else in this world.

826
00:46:50.119 --> 00:46:52.760
There's eight or eight or nine billion people in this world.

827
00:46:53.039 --> 00:46:56.840
Somebody needs your song, somebody needs your your energy, somebody

828
00:46:56.880 --> 00:47:00.320
needs your story. So that's why it's why I'm doing this.

829
00:47:00.440 --> 00:47:02.920
It's why you know, this platform is so special and

830
00:47:02.960 --> 00:47:05.039
so important to me, because I think it's so important

831
00:47:05.079 --> 00:47:07.800
that people remember that. That is the whole point.

832
00:47:08.199 --> 00:47:10.519
Yeah, I think there's a huge part of that for

833
00:47:10.599 --> 00:47:14.679
me too, that has been like my joy matters for me,

834
00:47:14.800 --> 00:47:18.400
you know, growing up in Mormonism, there's this huge push

835
00:47:18.480 --> 00:47:24.559
that like you owe the world your your voice, your knowledge,

836
00:47:24.599 --> 00:47:29.840
your truth, your talents, and for lack of a better word,

837
00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:32.719
like learning that I can be selfish, that I don't

838
00:47:33.199 --> 00:47:37.559
owe anyone like parts of me, and that my joy matters,

839
00:47:37.639 --> 00:47:41.239
even if it's only for me. That has been that

840
00:47:41.280 --> 00:47:43.760
has been very big, very.

841
00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:46.000
Big for me. Well, let's build on that, because I

842
00:47:46.000 --> 00:47:48.280
want to know what you would tell your twenty two

843
00:47:48.360 --> 00:47:50.239
year old self if you couldn't. It may may or

844
00:47:50.280 --> 00:47:51.920
may not be related to that, but I think that

845
00:47:52.000 --> 00:47:55.239
there's lessons to learn from twenty two year old Sharing

846
00:47:56.440 --> 00:47:58.239
Oh twenty two year old Sharon.

847
00:47:58.239 --> 00:48:03.719
I got married at twenty two, and it's I love

848
00:48:03.800 --> 00:48:08.559
my husband, I love my life. I was enough at

849
00:48:08.599 --> 00:48:12.719
twenty two, just as myself, and I didn't believe it.

850
00:48:13.559 --> 00:48:19.280
I didn't think it. It wasn't my reality. I would

851
00:48:19.320 --> 00:48:22.760
have told her, like, go and do what you want

852
00:48:22.800 --> 00:48:28.000
to do, and that that matters. And that's a big,

853
00:48:29.079 --> 00:48:31.760
big thing that you don't. You don't owe your life,

854
00:48:31.840 --> 00:48:34.920
you don't owe your wife ness, you don't owe your motherhood.

855
00:48:35.119 --> 00:48:40.519
Like you don't have to put yourself in this box

856
00:48:40.559 --> 00:48:44.280
of what you think that you should be. Like, go

857
00:48:44.400 --> 00:48:47.679
and explore and play and do the things that that

858
00:48:47.760 --> 00:48:51.239
you want. And it's okay to want it. It's not selfish,

859
00:48:51.320 --> 00:48:52.760
it's not self centered.

860
00:48:54.199 --> 00:48:56.239
I love that is, is it? What would you tell

861
00:48:56.480 --> 00:49:01.239
or what would the version of you who then be

862
00:49:01.320 --> 00:49:03.400
most surprised to see about you? Now?

863
00:49:12.079 --> 00:49:13.360
I mean she'd be shocked.

864
00:49:14.440 --> 00:49:19.639
I know, I figured for good though, right, I mean

865
00:49:19.679 --> 00:49:20.679
my goodness.

866
00:49:20.639 --> 00:49:25.800
Yeah, I think that she would be in awe that

867
00:49:25.840 --> 00:49:29.320
I'm figuring it out finally, that like, what what do

868
00:49:29.360 --> 00:49:32.440
you mean? You you can just do what you want

869
00:49:32.519 --> 00:49:35.199
to do? What do you mean you're happy. What do

870
00:49:35.239 --> 00:49:37.039
you mean you left the church?

871
00:49:37.159 --> 00:49:37.880
What do you mean?

872
00:49:39.199 --> 00:49:42.159
I mean she would be she would be flabbergasted and

873
00:49:42.239 --> 00:49:49.639
in awe and just thrilled that weird, we're happy.

874
00:49:49.719 --> 00:49:55.920
Yeah, yeah, she'd be proud of you. Yeah, I'm proud

875
00:49:55.920 --> 00:49:56.159
of you.

876
00:49:56.440 --> 00:49:56.800
Thank you.

877
00:49:58.719 --> 00:50:02.280
What do you hope your kids learn about their bodies

878
00:50:02.360 --> 00:50:05.719
and their mental health from watching you and how you

879
00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:07.719
treat your body and your mental health?

880
00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:12.480
You know, that's the shame is in a part of it,

881
00:50:12.519 --> 00:50:14.719
that there's no one way to be for your mental

882
00:50:14.800 --> 00:50:17.760
health and your body. That it is very objective. It's

883
00:50:18.039 --> 00:50:21.920
it'sn't fascinating with this do it fat mentality. And see

884
00:50:21.960 --> 00:50:25.639
how it's rewired my brain in the last few years,

885
00:50:25.639 --> 00:50:28.639
because it's become something that's so objective to me now

886
00:50:29.199 --> 00:50:32.400
that this idea of being like, oh I want to

887
00:50:32.440 --> 00:50:40.000
lose some weight, Like it's not this thing that feels

888
00:50:40.079 --> 00:50:42.559
bad anymore. I don't feel like it's like, oh yeah,

889
00:50:42.760 --> 00:50:45.159
my knees hurt and I want to be able to

890
00:50:45.239 --> 00:50:48.639
fit into my old clothes, and like it's just this objective.

891
00:50:49.719 --> 00:50:52.199
I'm not bad for wanting to lose weight. I'm not

892
00:50:52.960 --> 00:50:58.599
good for losing weight. It's just this does that make sense.

893
00:50:58.599 --> 00:51:01.320
It's just this like objective of truth that it's not

894
00:51:01.400 --> 00:51:03.719
either here or there. And I hope that my kids,

895
00:51:04.800 --> 00:51:07.800
you know, I think that a huge part of why

896
00:51:08.039 --> 00:51:10.880
mental health is in the state that it is for

897
00:51:10.920 --> 00:51:13.920
a lot of people is because they are just these

898
00:51:13.960 --> 00:51:16.360
negative associations with it. And if we were just able

899
00:51:16.400 --> 00:51:20.320
to treat it objectively of this is what's going on

900
00:51:21.400 --> 00:51:24.960
actually in your brain, and then this is how you

901
00:51:25.000 --> 00:51:26.639
do it. If you break your arm, these are the

902
00:51:26.639 --> 00:51:28.679
steps that you take to fix your arm, and then

903
00:51:28.719 --> 00:51:32.360
you go, you know, to therapy and you do these exercises.

904
00:51:32.400 --> 00:51:35.280
And so I hope that I'm helping my kids learn

905
00:51:35.960 --> 00:51:41.239
that it's not bad, it's not good. It's just something

906
00:51:41.280 --> 00:51:43.639
that you manage, right, that you take care of your

907
00:51:43.639 --> 00:51:45.360
body because it helps you feel better. How do you

908
00:51:45.360 --> 00:51:47.880
feel when you eat this? You feel good or you

909
00:51:47.920 --> 00:51:50.440
feel bad? Okay, you're allowed to feel bad. Do you

910
00:51:50.440 --> 00:51:54.239
want to feel bad? Feel bad? So just that it's

911
00:51:54.239 --> 00:51:58.000
all objective, that it's all it's not shame involved in it.

912
00:51:59.239 --> 00:52:03.920
What would you tell moms who feel lost between who

913
00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:06.599
they were before kids and who they are now.

914
00:52:09.000 --> 00:52:12.880
You come back? I think that I mean I was

915
00:52:13.039 --> 00:52:17.320
I had a toddler for fifteen years. I always did

916
00:52:17.519 --> 00:52:19.880
toddler life. That always like breaks my brain now that

917
00:52:19.880 --> 00:52:22.719
I'm like, oh, no, no wonder, I was a total disaster,

918
00:52:23.760 --> 00:52:29.320
like bck, no wonder to toddler for fifteen years straight.

919
00:52:29.360 --> 00:52:34.159
That's crazy. That's gonna make anybody crazy. I don't think, like,

920
00:52:36.199 --> 00:52:39.800
we do not live in a society that you can

921
00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:43.719
keep yourself fully. We don't have a village, We don't

922
00:52:43.760 --> 00:52:45.480
A lot of us don't have our parents helping her hair,

923
00:52:45.599 --> 00:52:48.920
our sisters, our siblings, a community helping here. So I

924
00:52:48.960 --> 00:52:52.559
think that is an unreasonable expectation that we put on

925
00:52:52.599 --> 00:52:58.719
ourselves to keep ourselves steering motherhood and to stay the

926
00:52:58.840 --> 00:53:02.559
whole person that we were before. It's not possible, and

927
00:53:02.599 --> 00:53:05.639
it's not our fault, and there's nothing that you can

928
00:53:05.719 --> 00:53:09.280
do to keep her around all of the time. And

929
00:53:09.320 --> 00:53:11.639
that might sound pessimistic, but I think that there is

930
00:53:11.679 --> 00:53:15.800
a level of acceptance in that that's really really good

931
00:53:15.800 --> 00:53:17.880
because it's not our fault and we can't go around

932
00:53:18.000 --> 00:53:22.320
changing like all of society to suddenly be back to

933
00:53:22.400 --> 00:53:27.239
like a village where mothers and children are supported. It's

934
00:53:27.280 --> 00:53:29.480
not possible. So there's a level acceptance of that you

935
00:53:29.519 --> 00:53:32.639
hold onto as much of yourself as you can. I

936
00:53:32.719 --> 00:53:35.880
did that, by I mean finally, it took many, many

937
00:53:35.920 --> 00:53:37.840
years to get there. That every Tuesday night I left

938
00:53:37.840 --> 00:53:39.880
the house and it wasn't to run errands, it wasn't

939
00:53:39.880 --> 00:53:42.480
for chores. It was I left the house to either

940
00:53:42.519 --> 00:53:45.480
meet friends or to just go to the library by myself,

941
00:53:45.880 --> 00:53:48.280
or to take a class or go to the Hot springs.

942
00:53:48.360 --> 00:53:51.039
Every Tuesday night was Mom's my night off. And I

943
00:53:51.079 --> 00:53:54.480
still do that. And you know, you paint when you can,

944
00:53:54.679 --> 00:53:57.199
or you you find, you hold on to these little

945
00:53:57.199 --> 00:54:02.000
snippets of yourself, and just I think just knowing that

946
00:54:02.400 --> 00:54:06.599
I was going to come back would have been really helpful. That, Yeah,

947
00:54:07.440 --> 00:54:11.559
the expectation I wear my jewelry. Now, I forgot that

948
00:54:12.119 --> 00:54:15.039
jewelry Sharon was a thing. But because of kids getting

949
00:54:15.239 --> 00:54:17.960
knocked on things and pulling on them and breaking them,

950
00:54:18.079 --> 00:54:20.480
I didn't wear jewelry for ten years. And the other

951
00:54:20.559 --> 00:54:22.000
day I started, you know, a few months ago, I

952
00:54:22.039 --> 00:54:25.239
started wearing again, and I was like, oh, yeah, jewelry

953
00:54:25.320 --> 00:54:32.119
Sharon is bad, like y uge, amazing moment, and yeah,

954
00:54:32.239 --> 00:54:34.360
don't fright over it too much, and don't blame yourself

955
00:54:34.400 --> 00:54:36.719
for losing parts of yourself, because you'll come back.

956
00:54:37.920 --> 00:54:41.039
It's beautiful. And I feel the same way about jewelry.

957
00:54:41.159 --> 00:54:44.119
I it's funny because I started wearing these, like feather

958
00:54:44.159 --> 00:54:47.440
earrings more frequently, and I wear more bracelets than I

959
00:54:47.559 --> 00:54:50.800
used to. And the ring, the big chunky ring, And

960
00:54:51.280 --> 00:54:53.920
it's because it's exactly what you said, because like, you

961
00:54:53.960 --> 00:54:56.599
couldn't wear these because the kid, you know, the colon

962
00:54:56.760 --> 00:54:58.360
and you know, the break could yank come out of

963
00:54:58.360 --> 00:54:58.840
your ears.

964
00:54:59.000 --> 00:54:59.440
Yeah, you know.

965
00:55:00.639 --> 00:55:02.400
So it's really cool to see you come back to

966
00:55:02.480 --> 00:55:06.440
yourself and know that you, you know, didn't necessarily lose

967
00:55:06.480 --> 00:55:09.480
yourself entirely. She was she was always there.

968
00:55:10.000 --> 00:55:13.119
Yeah, she's just busy. She's just busy other priorities and

969
00:55:13.280 --> 00:55:16.360
that's okay. And I think the funnest, the most fun things,

970
00:55:17.360 --> 00:55:19.760
most of something for me is being able to share

971
00:55:19.800 --> 00:55:22.480
those things with my kids that I did put those

972
00:55:22.480 --> 00:55:26.800
things away. I was a photographer before, and I put

973
00:55:26.800 --> 00:55:29.599
my camera down for a very very long time. And

974
00:55:29.679 --> 00:55:33.079
my oldest is now getting into photography and she doesn't

975
00:55:33.119 --> 00:55:36.039
know photography, mom. She doesn't know that I just carried,

976
00:55:36.079 --> 00:55:38.679
you know, a film camera around my neck until she

977
00:55:38.760 --> 00:55:41.280
was four years old. She doesn't remember that, and it's

978
00:55:41.320 --> 00:55:45.360
so fun to be able to experience that with her again,

979
00:55:45.480 --> 00:55:47.159
and these things that I love and that I get

980
00:55:47.199 --> 00:55:49.360
to share with them, and I get to do that

981
00:55:49.360 --> 00:55:52.480
with so many different things now, and it's just it's

982
00:55:52.599 --> 00:55:56.119
like bigger and more beautiful now that I get to

983
00:55:56.159 --> 00:55:59.639
do it with them, just all the different things with

984
00:55:59.679 --> 00:56:01.480
them than when I was doing about myself.

985
00:56:03.320 --> 00:56:06.719
Do you have any songs of survival any like when

986
00:56:06.719 --> 00:56:08.679
you were in like dark times? Because we've talked a

987
00:56:08.719 --> 00:56:12.000
little bit about you know, my whole thing with Quick

988
00:56:12.039 --> 00:56:15.320
Before You Forget is the tools of music, mindset, and movement,

989
00:56:15.400 --> 00:56:18.519
and we've focused a lot on mindset, which I'm amazed

990
00:56:18.559 --> 00:56:21.400
with and grateful for. And I love music. So I'm

991
00:56:21.440 --> 00:56:24.079
wondering if there's anything in particular that comes to mind

992
00:56:24.119 --> 00:56:28.679
as a song like a Sharon's playlist for surviving something hard.

993
00:56:29.719 --> 00:56:35.800
Two years ago, when I had my doubt of suicidal ideation,

994
00:56:36.920 --> 00:56:39.599
the only thing that I listened to was the album's

995
00:56:39.599 --> 00:56:43.760
stick season Well, I Guess Forever by Noah Cohn. His

996
00:56:43.960 --> 00:56:48.679
song call Your Mom is about suicidal ideation. It's about

997
00:56:48.719 --> 00:56:51.400
having a friend who he's saying, just stay and I

998
00:56:51.400 --> 00:56:53.719
will call your mom and my husband called my mom,

999
00:56:53.920 --> 00:56:58.199
and that whole album I listened to straight for six months.

1000
00:56:59.320 --> 00:57:03.719
I still listen to it continually. He's such a wonderful storyteller,

1001
00:57:04.239 --> 00:57:08.199
and he hits the emotions deep and those thoughts and

1002
00:57:08.199 --> 00:57:10.599
those feelings deep, and it's so relatable in so many

1003
00:57:10.599 --> 00:57:14.360
different ways. And I think that that is a huge

1004
00:57:14.480 --> 00:57:17.480
part of mental health. And what I hope that I

1005
00:57:17.639 --> 00:57:23.239
convey in some part to people is not necessarily this

1006
00:57:23.440 --> 00:57:28.159
is how you get better, but just I know, I

1007
00:57:28.199 --> 00:57:31.840
know what you're going through to some extent, I have

1008
00:57:31.960 --> 00:57:34.440
been there before. I think a lot of times we

1009
00:57:34.519 --> 00:57:36.880
don't need someone to tell us that we're going to

1010
00:57:36.920 --> 00:57:39.920
be okay. We just need someone to hold our hand

1011
00:57:40.079 --> 00:57:43.880
and say it's not okay right now. I know, And

1012
00:57:43.920 --> 00:57:46.599
that's all we need. Just knowing that somebody is there

1013
00:57:47.440 --> 00:57:50.159
and that they've experienced it and felt it. That's that's

1014
00:57:50.159 --> 00:57:50.679
what we need.

1015
00:57:52.079 --> 00:57:53.079
You made me emotional.

1016
00:57:54.519 --> 00:57:57.480
That's a whole album that. I mean. Nakon's entire album

1017
00:57:57.559 --> 00:57:59.440
is just that. It's just it's true.

1018
00:57:59.519 --> 00:58:01.360
I mean, I've I know, and I love it. It's

1019
00:58:01.679 --> 00:58:05.760
amazing music. It's soul music, and you know when it

1020
00:58:05.800 --> 00:58:10.119
can help honestly that the songs that I've been asking

1021
00:58:10.159 --> 00:58:12.880
this question to my guests and the songs. I'm so

1022
00:58:12.960 --> 00:58:15.599
grateful for all these songs, because these songs are you know,

1023
00:58:15.679 --> 00:58:18.039
a lot of times the reason, like for your sake,

1024
00:58:18.119 --> 00:58:21.119
for example, like the reason that somebody's still here, or

1025
00:58:21.159 --> 00:58:23.719
a reason, not the reason. But you know what I'm saying,

1026
00:58:24.559 --> 00:58:27.880
I'm so grateful that that song and that album helped

1027
00:58:27.880 --> 00:58:33.000
you in a time when words couldn't. Yeah, that's it's

1028
00:58:33.199 --> 00:58:34.000
the power of music.

1029
00:58:34.199 --> 00:58:36.960
It is, and there's just this connectivity to it, of

1030
00:58:37.039 --> 00:58:41.159
humanity of that. We just need to know that we

1031
00:58:41.280 --> 00:58:45.519
are not alone, that we are not crazy, that we're

1032
00:58:45.519 --> 00:58:49.199
not experiencing something that no one else has ever experienced before.

1033
00:58:49.760 --> 00:58:52.559
And that's why I'm vulnerable. That's why I say all

1034
00:58:52.599 --> 00:58:54.840
of the things, not just because I want other people

1035
00:58:55.400 --> 00:58:57.840
to know that, but I need to know that. I

1036
00:58:57.880 --> 00:59:00.199
need to know like there's someone else out there that

1037
00:59:00.239 --> 00:59:04.920
feels this way right right, yes, right right?

1038
00:59:05.559 --> 00:59:09.400
It found me. I mean you, the algorithm brought us together.

1039
00:59:09.480 --> 00:59:12.239
And I'm very grateful because there have there have been

1040
00:59:12.239 --> 00:59:15.480
times when I've felt less alone because I've stumbled across

1041
00:59:15.519 --> 00:59:18.239
the right video and you're You're one of the creators

1042
00:59:18.239 --> 00:59:20.079
that that had that impact on me when when I

1043
00:59:20.159 --> 00:59:22.519
was sick and then the hospital and stuff, there was

1044
00:59:22.559 --> 00:59:25.320
some times where I would be scrolling and there's there's

1045
00:59:25.360 --> 00:59:28.000
a few creators in particular. You're the first one that

1046
00:59:28.039 --> 00:59:30.800
I've wrangled into coming on my show so far, and

1047
00:59:30.840 --> 00:59:33.599
I'm very very I'm so grateful.

1048
00:59:33.679 --> 00:59:36.519
So I have certain people that you like have followed

1049
00:59:36.559 --> 00:59:39.800
me that I really consider friends, which is crazy because

1050
00:59:39.800 --> 00:59:43.960
we've never talked. We never have like interacted beyond like commenting, right,

1051
00:59:44.159 --> 00:59:46.599
but I do, like I know when your comments pop up,

1052
00:59:46.840 --> 00:59:50.239
I reply, I see you on my feed like it.

1053
00:59:51.320 --> 00:59:53.199
There's a lot of hang ups and bad things about

1054
00:59:53.239 --> 00:59:56.800
social media, but meeting you and other just amazing people

1055
00:59:56.920 --> 00:59:59.519
is absolutely not one of them. It's it's what makes

1056
00:59:59.519 --> 01:00:02.360
it absolute wonderful. Is the community so true?

1057
01:00:02.400 --> 01:00:05.480
So I have a couple more questions that I'm grateful

1058
01:00:05.480 --> 01:00:07.559
for your time. I want to have these maybe a

1059
01:00:07.599 --> 01:00:09.880
little bit more quick hitting, but go as deep as

1060
01:00:09.880 --> 01:00:13.079
you want to. Okay, so quick before you forget. What

1061
01:00:13.239 --> 01:00:16.199
is something about this season in life right now, at

1062
01:00:16.199 --> 01:00:18.679
this moment that you don't want to forget.

1063
01:00:21.440 --> 01:00:23.800
I'm really hanging on to my kids right now and

1064
01:00:23.840 --> 01:00:27.440
where they are at and realizing I am saying I

1065
01:00:27.480 --> 01:00:30.800
think I was so overwhelmed with motherhood that I would

1066
01:00:30.800 --> 01:00:34.800
find every way to escape it, right And I am

1067
01:00:34.960 --> 01:00:38.360
so good right now and I have given myself a

1068
01:00:38.360 --> 01:00:40.320
lot of self care and I take those Tuesday nights

1069
01:00:40.320 --> 01:00:43.719
and I take those vocations. Is that I am just

1070
01:00:43.880 --> 01:00:45.880
I am clinging on to every moment that I can

1071
01:00:45.880 --> 01:00:48.880
get my old This is going to be a senior

1072
01:00:48.960 --> 01:00:52.679
next year. That just it goes by so fast. And

1073
01:00:52.719 --> 01:00:54.599
I know it's so cliche. Everybody says it.

1074
01:00:54.639 --> 01:00:55.800
Everybody says it.

1075
01:00:55.800 --> 01:01:00.480
But just realizing it ends. When you're in it, you

1076
01:01:00.519 --> 01:01:02.440
think you're never going to get out of it. It

1077
01:01:02.519 --> 01:01:05.119
just feels like everything your entire world forever and realizing oh,

1078
01:01:05.119 --> 01:01:06.679
this is going to end, and I'm gonna have a

1079
01:01:06.760 --> 01:01:11.719
quiet house and I'm going to have open days, soak

1080
01:01:11.719 --> 01:01:12.039
it up.

1081
01:01:12.800 --> 01:01:15.679
Yeah, yeah, I'm feeling that. And I have my two

1082
01:01:15.880 --> 01:01:18.719
that are younger than you, and I already feel it,

1083
01:01:18.719 --> 01:01:21.119
and I already feel angry a little bit at the mom,

1084
01:01:21.760 --> 01:01:24.239
at my version of the toddler mom who thought that

1085
01:01:24.320 --> 01:01:26.800
it was everything was too hard, and I hate, like,

1086
01:01:26.840 --> 01:01:28.440
you know, there were there were moments that I hated

1087
01:01:28.480 --> 01:01:30.760
because I thought it would never end, you know, I

1088
01:01:30.800 --> 01:01:33.639
was like, this is the longest heart in potty training.

1089
01:01:33.719 --> 01:01:38.119
Good grief. That really broke me. And I'm very grateful

1090
01:01:38.119 --> 01:01:40.440
for the time we did have and the time that

1091
01:01:40.480 --> 01:01:43.199
we have now. I feel the same exact way, like

1092
01:01:43.239 --> 01:01:47.239
we're really holding on for dear life and as we should,

1093
01:01:47.360 --> 01:01:50.239
you know what, as we should, because that's that's every

1094
01:01:50.400 --> 01:01:53.639
That's what our hard work has taught us, is figuring

1095
01:01:53.639 --> 01:01:56.519
out that you know these moments matter and you know

1096
01:01:56.719 --> 01:01:59.440
clinging on to them is not anything to be ashamed of.

1097
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:01.920
No, And I do want to put a cavea on

1098
01:02:02.000 --> 01:02:06.159
of that of like most of my motherhood, most of

1099
01:02:06.199 --> 01:02:11.239
it is like one big giant, foggy forgetfulness mess. And

1100
01:02:11.559 --> 01:02:15.840
I don't hold myself responsible for not knowing I was

1101
01:02:15.880 --> 01:02:17.480
doing the best that I could. I just I don't

1102
01:02:17.519 --> 01:02:20.320
want anyone to ever feel guilt or shamed that they're

1103
01:02:20.400 --> 01:02:23.920
not enjoying it enough, that they're not soaking up every moment,

1104
01:02:24.039 --> 01:02:29.159
because you'll have a time where you can, and there

1105
01:02:29.199 --> 01:02:31.360
are plenty of times where you're just surviving and you're

1106
01:02:31.360 --> 01:02:35.079
just getting through and that's okay too, And they get older,

1107
01:02:35.559 --> 01:02:38.239
and this idea that like they're going to turn eighteen

1108
01:02:38.280 --> 01:02:39.920
and then you're never going to see them together. It's

1109
01:02:40.079 --> 01:02:43.760
total bull crap. Like you, there's gonna be so many

1110
01:02:43.760 --> 01:02:46.039
more moments like you didn't miss it, You didn't miss it,

1111
01:02:46.119 --> 01:02:46.559
You're okay.

1112
01:02:48.239 --> 01:02:51.519
If someone listening feels pressure to choose just one version

1113
01:02:51.559 --> 01:02:53.840
of themselves, what would you want them to hear?

1114
01:02:57.440 --> 01:03:03.159
Choose the fun one. I'm really embracing fun right now,

1115
01:03:05.440 --> 01:03:09.079
and it's amazing. It's so good. I can't believe that

1116
01:03:09.119 --> 01:03:14.000
I was like unfun for so long. Choose the fun one.

1117
01:03:14.239 --> 01:03:15.599
I don't think you'll ever regret it.

1118
01:03:16.440 --> 01:03:20.239
Darn right, darn right quick before you forget what matters

1119
01:03:20.280 --> 01:03:22.159
most to Sharon right now.

1120
01:03:27.800 --> 01:03:32.760
Right now, trusting myself. I'm working really really hard on that.

1121
01:03:32.960 --> 01:03:35.480
In therapy, when you grow up in high demand religion,

1122
01:03:36.079 --> 01:03:39.960
you learn that all of the right answers are outside

1123
01:03:40.000 --> 01:03:43.760
of yourself. So I found myself being a thirty six

1124
01:03:43.880 --> 01:03:46.360
year old woman who had no idea how to be

1125
01:03:46.400 --> 01:03:49.800
an adult and make decisions without thinking that somebody else

1126
01:03:49.880 --> 01:03:53.320
was telling me what to do. So my biggest thing

1127
01:03:53.440 --> 01:03:56.639
right now is to trust myself, trust my intuition, trust

1128
01:03:56.639 --> 01:04:01.280
my thoughts. Trust my feelings. Trust, just trust, and that

1129
01:04:01.360 --> 01:04:05.239
I don't need the validation from anybody else to tell

1130
01:04:05.280 --> 01:04:08.519
me what to do and how to think.

1131
01:04:09.760 --> 01:04:13.639
I love that what is one small, ordinary moment in

1132
01:04:13.679 --> 01:04:15.400
your home that feels sacred to.

1133
01:04:15.360 --> 01:04:23.400
You, just when we're all together, when we're all together

1134
01:04:24.519 --> 01:04:28.800
just living. I take a lot of pride in that

1135
01:04:29.000 --> 01:04:34.840
my home is that I have living room kids that

1136
01:04:34.960 --> 01:04:37.639
don't hunger down in their bedrooms most of the time.

1137
01:04:37.679 --> 01:04:39.239
I have some teens that still do it every once

1138
01:04:39.280 --> 01:04:41.880
in a while. But we have moments of all eight

1139
01:04:41.920 --> 01:04:44.519
of us, you know, in the living room on the

1140
01:04:44.559 --> 01:04:48.119
couch playing games. Maybe some people are you know, on

1141
01:04:48.159 --> 01:04:51.840
their phones, other people are in the corner doing crafts.

1142
01:04:51.599 --> 01:04:56.079
It's just these ordinary moments of oh, we're all here,

1143
01:04:56.599 --> 01:04:59.119
like this is this is what I'm going to remember,

1144
01:04:59.239 --> 01:05:02.280
this is what they're going to remember. And I do.

1145
01:05:02.360 --> 01:05:03.800
I take a lot of pride in the like I

1146
01:05:03.880 --> 01:05:07.559
created a home that this is conducive to this like

1147
01:05:07.599 --> 01:05:11.039
this created the safety and this comfort and this feeling

1148
01:05:12.760 --> 01:05:14.320
it feels, it feels sacred.

1149
01:05:16.800 --> 01:05:21.159
Life moves fast and people, like we've talked about, people

1150
01:05:21.159 --> 01:05:25.480
are forgetful. So what one truth do you hope that

1151
01:05:26.039 --> 01:05:34.440
people don't forget after hearing our conversation today.

1152
01:05:35.639 --> 01:05:38.280
The thing I'm leaning into right now really is that

1153
01:05:38.480 --> 01:05:42.400
your joy matters. That the theme that I'm really really

1154
01:05:42.599 --> 01:05:47.320
like pushing and leaning into is that your joy is

1155
01:05:47.320 --> 01:05:52.800
not a waste. It's not frivolous, it's not extra, it's

1156
01:05:52.920 --> 01:05:56.880
not a break you get like spending money on that vacation.

1157
01:05:57.519 --> 01:06:02.159
It's not a waste, right Like find that dress that

1158
01:06:02.239 --> 01:06:06.199
makes you feel like a million bucks is not ridiculous.

1159
01:06:07.760 --> 01:06:12.159
Doing things for fun for fun's sake is meaningful and

1160
01:06:12.239 --> 01:06:15.400
it matters, and it matters just as much as paying

1161
01:06:15.400 --> 01:06:18.800
the bills and getting food on the table and making

1162
01:06:18.840 --> 01:06:20.960
meals and being on time and all the schedules and

1163
01:06:21.000 --> 01:06:22.679
all the millions of things that we have to do

1164
01:06:22.760 --> 01:06:26.920
as parents and his mother's your joy, your joy as

1165
01:06:26.960 --> 01:06:30.199
a mom, is just as important as all of those

1166
01:06:30.199 --> 01:06:30.920
other things.

1167
01:06:31.639 --> 01:06:36.599
Amen taking us to church, Yes, I'm here for that, Karen.

1168
01:06:36.679 --> 01:06:39.719
What is anything else that you'd like to share before

1169
01:06:39.760 --> 01:06:40.239
we wrap?

1170
01:06:44.400 --> 01:06:50.079
I don't know. Life is big, it's messy, it's overwhelming,

1171
01:06:50.320 --> 01:06:56.000
and I am just really learning that it all matters,

1172
01:06:56.760 --> 01:06:59.880
It all matters, it all. It's really funny when you

1173
01:06:59.920 --> 01:07:03.679
go from being in an organized religion and bleeding in

1174
01:07:03.719 --> 01:07:09.000
these very stringent ideas of God and life and what

1175
01:07:09.119 --> 01:07:12.639
it all means to It could mean anything, right, and

1176
01:07:12.679 --> 01:07:16.800
I don't know. I don't know anymore, and and all

1177
01:07:16.880 --> 01:07:23.039
of that, I don't know. Life is about community, it's

1178
01:07:23.039 --> 01:07:26.800
about connection, it's about joy. It is it's about hard things.

1179
01:07:26.840 --> 01:07:30.199
It's about trauma, it's about crisis. It's about feeling your

1180
01:07:30.239 --> 01:07:36.000
feelings and experiencing what it is to be human. And

1181
01:07:36.360 --> 01:07:40.559
I hope that everybody can give their self, give themselves

1182
01:07:40.840 --> 01:07:43.800
space to feel all of those things, to experience all

1183
01:07:43.840 --> 01:07:47.320
of those things, and to not shame themselves for any

1184
01:07:47.320 --> 01:07:47.519
of it.

1185
01:07:48.840 --> 01:07:52.840
Well, thank you Sharon for sharing your full experience of

1186
01:07:52.880 --> 01:07:54.800
life with us. It means a lot to me that

1187
01:07:54.840 --> 01:07:56.320
you're here today. It means a lot to me that

1188
01:07:56.360 --> 01:07:58.840
you share as openly and vulnerably as you do on

1189
01:07:58.880 --> 01:08:02.760
the internet. Vulnerabil to me is a superpower and you

1190
01:08:02.920 --> 01:08:06.079
have it in spades. So I'm very very grateful for you.

1191
01:08:06.519 --> 01:08:08.719
And that's all for this time, and we'll see you

1192
01:08:08.719 --> 01:08:11.719
next time on Quick before you forget, Hi, thank you

1193
01:08:11.800 --> 01:08:16.239
so much, thank you for being here with me today

1194
01:08:16.640 --> 01:08:20.319
on Quick Before you Forget, Please like share and subscribe

1195
01:08:20.319 --> 01:08:22.880
as that helps the show so much and I really

1196
01:08:22.920 --> 01:08:25.880
appreciate it, and I'll see you next time on Quick

1197
01:08:25.920 --> 01:08:27.600
before you forget