March 2, 2026

You Are Who You Are Looking For: A Guide to Owning Your Humanness

You Are Who You Are Looking For: A Guide to Owning Your Humanness

In this episode of Quick Before You Forget, host Ty Schmidt engages in a meaningful conversation with Ruchi Shah, industrial-organizational psychologist and author of We, Humans, for a deeply grounding conversation about what it means to come home to yourself when you feel burned out, lost, or disconnected.

Ruchi shares why so many of us learn to hide our humanness, how we “play peekaboo” with parts of ourselves (our emotions, our light, our shadow), and what it looks like, practically, to own your humanness and stop outsourcing your inner authority to the outside world.

You’ll also hear powerful reflections on grief, self-doubt, and why growth can feel intense (even “G-force” intense), plus a memorable story about fear turning into aliveness in real time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or like you’ve forgotten who you are, this episode is a reminder: you’re still in there.

Topics include: burnout recovery, self-awareness, self-trust, big emotions, masking, grief, fear vs excitement, community/tribe, and coming home to yourself.

Please like, subscribe, and share if this helped you. Your support keeps this show going.

Meaningful Moments

00:00 – Welcome + intro to Ruchi Shah

02:45 – “I was perceived as oversensitive” + hiding humanness

05:06 – How We, Humans was born (legacy, son, experiential format)

07:28 – The “cards” concept + choosing a chapter

09:45 – “We humans play peekaboo with I” (light, shadow, emotional cues)

12:06 – What it means to “own your humanness” (only expert on you is you)

14:30 – What she’d tell her 22-year-old self (no regrets, unfolding)

16:48 – Megaphone message: “Wouldn’t it be lovely to be human?”

18:55 – Music as a way home (YAIMA “Gajumaru” + old stories)

21:16 – The 80th birthday question: legacy without needing to be present

23:42 – “What if you’re not a student—what if you’re a teacher?”

25:45 – Why growth feels intense (G-force metaphor) + becoming present in real time

27:38 – “We humans thrive when we tribe” (two-way streets + internal relationship)

32:16 – Grief + the “unique wiring” of emotions (crying = rage insight)

36:07 – Vocabulary for hard emotions + expressing the living human

38:34 – Quick Before You Forget rapid-fire answers

40:37 – Fear vs excitement + roller coaster story (“I’m alive!”)

42:53 – Closing gratitude + where and how to support the show

Ruchi Shah's Song of Survival: Gajumaru, YAIMA
We, Humans book: https://a.co/d/0aFSukIU

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Rushie Shaw. Welcome to Quick before you forget.

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Thank you so much for having me.

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Thank you for being here. It means the world to

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meet that you're taking time out of your life to

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spend with us today. I just want to take a

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second to introduce my friend, doctor Rushie Shaw. She is

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the author of We Humans and an industrial and organizational

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psychologist who has spent more than two decades studying how

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people actually work, not just at work, but in life.

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She's partnered with organizations and individuals across the US and India,

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helping leaders and teams make sense of human behavior in

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ways that are practical, grounded, and deeply humane. What I

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love about Rushie's work is that she doesn't just study

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people from the neck up. She looks at humanness through

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the interconnected lens of mind, body, and soul, and then

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translates those insights into frameworks that help us navigate real

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life with more clarity, compassion, and intention. Through her work

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as a coach, author, and human and through the company

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she's building, which is called humans dot In, Rushie helps

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people remember who they are while they figure out who

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they want to show up as. Rushie, I'm so grateful

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you're here.

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Thank you so much, DIY, and this was in the

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making and I'm so glad we're finally here today.

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Me too. It's been some time. We've been very blessed

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to have some time to get to know each other

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before this conversation. So I know, feel like we're diving

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in head first. But my friends, unfortunately are not so

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blessed because they don't know you yet. So please take

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a moment, take a few moments to walk us through

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who you are and what you're here for.

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Yeah, thank you, Hi, friends. I'm Ruchie Shaw and I

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am currently in Charlotte, North Carolina. As my journey to

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this point of bringing up conversations on how to human

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I think one of the most important things to know

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about me is that I was always understood and perceived

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as somebody who was oversensitive, and I carried it. I

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think shame is a very harsh word, but in reality,

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that is how it felt. It felt like my humanness

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was something I was supposed to hide and not be

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and be something else. And it's only when I think,

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in a stubborn moment, thanks to all maybe whatever it

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was hormones pandemic, I felt like, what would it feel

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like if I stepped into who I am. I just

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I just owned my oversensitivity and my humanness. And in

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one of my performance reviews, I also got a note saying,

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I write thoughtful emails. And I'm like, what if I

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wrote thoughtful emails? What if I spoke thoughtful and allowed

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myself to be thoughtful? So what happened at that point

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in time is all the pieces that I was disowning

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about myself kind of fell into place, and I felt

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really empowered to be human. And what that turned inside

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of me, Like the lens that I was looking outwards

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just turned inwards. And it's like I quit cable TV

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and I subscribed for channels I never knew existed, and

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I learned so much about myself and the realization of

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we've humaning for millions of years and we still don't

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have a how to human manual. And so that kind

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of brought me to where I am today.

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It brought you to hear this human manual, this book,

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which is beautiful and super unique. Talk to us about it.

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Talk to us about your process for what this book

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is and how it came to life.

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One of the things about this book is that I

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had not intended for it to be a book. I

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had not intended for me to be in front of cameras.

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I am very camera shy, and I really thought that

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I was just s penning down what I knew about

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human behavior from that place of stubbornness of Okay, this

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is what I know, and this is what I'm to

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put out in the world. And in my mind it

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seemed like I was probably writing blog posts maybe that

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I would post. I also was writing this for my son,

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who was eighteen then, and I just wanted to share.

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I felt like I was stepping into the legacy chapter

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of my work, and I felt like I needed to

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leave behind something that I was there when I was

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not there, that spoke my words, that shared my perspective.

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And as I wrote along, the format remained the same,

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and the more I shared it with friends and family,

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the more feedback I got about how useful it was

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for them. And there came a point in time when

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I started rambling about I wanted to be an art display,

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I wanted to have an easel, I wanted to be

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conversation cards. I was just expecting so much of the

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book from the book, and I created a prototype and

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it looked like this and this is how it was born,

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and I believe it has become. I get a lot

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of feedback that I've created a new genre of experiential books,

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and I think that is what I as I understand,

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the book publishing industry is welcoming, and so that's how

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this came about. It does fit into the broader vision

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of how to human like really just like Rubber meets

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the Road kind of way.

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So well, what she means by that, friends, is like,

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it's it's a it's a op the beautiful box actually,

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and then you open this beautiful box and inside it

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is a booklet. I want to I don't want to

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call it a book. It's like more of a booklet.

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And then there's these cards that are so freaking cool.

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It's you can use it as like a stand, but

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the cards all have something very special on it. Then

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speaks to what you were saying about it being experiential

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and having it almost feel like a prompt to study yourself.

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And you know, this is not a book that you read, really,

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it's a book that you absorb. And I want to

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talk through if it's okay with you, I want to

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talk through a couple of the cards and it's up

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to you which one we pick, because I had a

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hard time, Friends, I had a very very hard time

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picking which card to use and which card to focus

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on with our precious time today. So I'm going to

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read you a few friends so that you know what

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we're talking about. What these cards look like, and these

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cards each have a message, and then like kind of

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like homework. It's really cool. So we humans have big emotions.

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We humans play peek a boo with I. We humans

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each have a dark side and a light. We humans

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thrive when we tribe. We humans have AI, and we

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humans match time rittie. Which of those do you want

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to talk about? Because there's just so many good ones.

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Yeah, I so really good becomes contextual, right, it's in

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the moment what we are experiencing. Let me just go

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back a little bit to talk about where how the

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book integrates. So there's a lot of research and applied

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research and stuff that's behind the book. But I did

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not think that everybody needs to know research, because what

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we feel is really important and that needs to be

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given priority our felt experience of it. So I ask

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each reader to let the book lead you to where

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you want to go. So each of the chapters is

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has a different context and a meaning and a lens

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and a draw and a magnetism for different people. So today,

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as I as I heard you say all the chapters,

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really what appealed to me was we humans play peekaboo

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with I and it's, uh, it's fascinating to see how

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much we don't know our own selves. And you know,

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the the the open and the close of Peekaboo is

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what we do with ourselves. We see, we see our

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dark sometimes and forget to see our light. Sometimes we

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see our big emotions, but we sometimes see forget to see,

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like you know, the shutter closes on what cues are

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the big emotions bringing to us. So I just felt

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like the peacon Pikaboo was a really good way of

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understanding how we humans experience our humanness. And each chapter

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has a different format to it. So the tagline that

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you read is just something that makes you feel, yeah,

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I mean that's interesting. So it appeals to the head

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and then it goes down into the first chapter of

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each book is kind of the messiness that we feel

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around it, and then it goes into what is a

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bottom that we ignore that can really the places where

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you've shut eye, where you've played peekaboo, like you know,

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and then there's a U turn that's possible. And then

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the homework as you refer to, like just just if

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we were to dip our toes or if we were

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to take a dive into the deep end, what would

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it feel like? And so each chapter is an invitation,

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but it also walks you through a process of where

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you can reach your humanness.

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Well, you said something earlier that I wanted to circle

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back to about owning and choosing to own your humanness,

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which is something that seems a little bit potentially out

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of reach for people like people I feel like there's

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a level of you know, masking that that gets talked

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about on this card, where you know, we we hide

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parts of ourselves or we don't show up fully as ourselves.

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And that's not an excuse per se, but there's just

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a general lack of self awareness sometimes around this. And

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so can you walk us through what that means at

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a very basic practical level, What does it mean to

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own your humanness.

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At a very basic level. I think it is the

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acceptance of knowing that there is only one expert on you,

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and that is you, and to begin from that premise,

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we seek advice, we seek approval, we seek everything from

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the outside. We expect somebody to lead us, but the

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real person who can really lead you is you. And

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this book is like a play in a playful way

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and allow and an experiment because it's even though we

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know this cognitively, we don't do it. We we we

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you know, let me take your hand is not what

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we say to ourselves, right, and let me lead you

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through to where the rainbows are or where the pot

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of gold is. Right. And so the book is this

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I call it Jumanji. It's it's your own adventure. You

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just you just let yourself walk into the Jumanji game.

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And then that's how you just don't know what adventure

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you're going to have. And it's it's so fun to

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let yourself lead yourself. It's it's an amazing experience and

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one that has to be experienced to be understood.

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I think, well, this is not a conclusion that you've

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come to quickly. This is something that's evolved over time.

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And it makes me wonder and it honestly makes me

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really curious about now that you've come as far as

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you have and you've done all this inner work and

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you understand things better.

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What do you.

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Wish you would have been able to or what would

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you tell your twenty two year old self if you could.

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I do want to give my twenty two year old

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self a shortcut? What a shortcut?

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And shortcut?

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Okay? Yeah, you know, enjoy yourself and you're going to

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not regret anything in this work of understanding myself. Regrets

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to come up because you keep wishing. I wish I

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knew this earlier. I wish I hadn't done this, But

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it's all part of the unfolding, I think, And so

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I think my twenty two year old was right where

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she needed to be, and because she was where she was,

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I am today where I am. And it's and it's

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really weird. I sound like Yoda when I'm saying this,

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but it's that. It really is the felt experience of it,

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Like you don't want to go back and change a thing.

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You just feel like, yeah, it's it's crooked because here,

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when it becomes straight, it'll be so much fun.

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That's beautiful. Thank you for that. It makes me wonder too, then,

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what your current message to the world would be if

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you had like a megaphone that you could shout in

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the present moment to the present world that is struggling

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on every level. What would you say? What would your

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encouragement be.

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Mine? I kind of have this written out because I

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say this very often and the dream I think we

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all hold and I'm just saying it out loud with

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a megaphone because I was offered one. But I think

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the megaphone that we all carry is wouldn't it be

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lovely to be human? Like just the permission, just the

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allowance the can can we just show up as humans?

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And the wee Humans book is one tool that allows

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you to experience that heaven on Earth. And I'm boring

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from a friend who told me a long time ago

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that Rouccie, the dream and the reality don't seem on

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the same timeline. But when you experience through the book

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your humanness, the reality and the dream kind of start

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to feel on the same timeline. And so if I

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had a megaphone, what I want to tell everybody is

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just give this a shot. Let the book be a

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tool for you to experience your humanness, your dream and

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reality being on the same timeline. It's amazing that gift

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is amazing. So that's what my invitation to the world

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is experience your humanness and do it in a guided way.

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Well, this book is definitely one way to do that,

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and I am so grateful for it. And it's been

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something that has come into my life at a time

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when I really needed to do some soul searching. It's

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good for that, it's good for times of disruption and

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times of change. It's good for bringing you home to yourself,

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and that is something I'm very grateful for. So I

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have other ways that I also use to come home

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to myself, which we've talked about a little bit privately,

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but one way that is through music and also through movement.

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And the music part of that is so important to me.

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So I'm wondering when you have a day that feels hard,

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who does who do you go to? Who is your

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musical guide and who what song or songs do you

257
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choose in moments of survival when you need that boost

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of energy.

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Yeah, and it's interesting that you mentioned music because as

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I understood it, like it's something we know intuitively, but

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there is so much research out there that there a

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sound is what ourselves listen to, and so when we

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want to bypass everything else and really connect with ourselves.

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We listen to music, and that is what music does

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to us. It shifts us at a cellular level. Obviously,

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there have been many songs and many different situations that

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have been you know, the teenage girl with all the

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eighties love songs and the crooning and the crying. These days,

269
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my favorite song is it's called Gadjumru and it's by

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this group called Yema y A I M. And one

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of the line that really appeals to me is free

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from all old stories have been told. I walk through

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the valley of my own shadow, and I find that

274
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very very empowering in my low moments and in my

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high moments, my celebratory moments, because I think we are

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all ready to be free from old stories that we've

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been told. That's we know it, that's not who we are,

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that's not what defines us. So I find that very

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very inspiring. In my dark and in my light.

280
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That's beautiful, and it's interesting to have a song that

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you turn to in both situations. I wonder about the

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mental the mental benefit to that, honestly, because the way

283
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that your mind works and the way that you're you know,

284
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you can you can kind of dig yourself out of

285
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a hole without even meaning to with that song because

286
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it grounds you in a happier place as well as

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gets you know, gets you through the darkness. It's beautiful.

288
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Thank you. So my thought on the excuse me, my goodness,

289
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my throat, I wanted to fast forward now because we've

290
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talked a little bit about the past and the old stories, right,

291
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and we've talked about the present. I want to fast

292
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forward to now this is don't hate me for this,

293
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but your eightieth birthday. I want to know who's there when,

294
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what you want them to say, because I think that

295
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in life, too often people pass away and then we

296
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have our talks about what they did and who they were,

297
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and what we respected and maybe what we didn't respect,

298
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but mostly the good things, right that you say after

299
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somebody passes that. I just wish there was a way

300
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that more of us could could hear and talk that

301
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way before we're gone. So what would you want people

302
00:21:18.599 --> 00:21:21.279
to say about you at your eightieth birthday?

303
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I think if I were to imagine it, I'm definitely

304
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not on TV or somewhere, but I'm rocking in a

305
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chair and I'm so content because I think somewhere that

306
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in the air, there's conversations about the tools that I

307
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can leave behind for people to use in my absence,

308
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Like I don't need to be there. We are all human,

309
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We know how this thing works. You know, we're born,

310
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we are wired, we are totally equipped to be fully human.

311
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But I think if there were tools that helped people

312
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across the world and in my absence, like without me

313
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being there, I would love if that was how I

314
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was celebrating my eightieth birthday, I would feel mission accomplished.

315
00:22:21.880 --> 00:22:26.839
Beautiful, thank you. So looking back on that time, I'm wondering,

316
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Obviously we've got some time between now and then, but

317
00:22:30.559 --> 00:22:34.960
what is an unreal moment that you experienced in life

318
00:22:35.160 --> 00:22:38.440
that changed the trajectory for you, whether it was good

319
00:22:38.519 --> 00:22:38.920
or bad.

320
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There have been multiple ones, but something that defined me

321
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in the early childhood was the loss of my parents,

322
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my dad passing away. It just introduced me to independence.

323
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That's my early early memory, and my most recent memory

324
00:23:07.440 --> 00:23:15.640
is the shift into who I became today. I was

325
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reading a spiritual book and there was more to it

326
00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:23.079
and there's a context to it, but essentially the question

327
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I heard was, what if you're not a student, and

328
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what if you're a teacher, And that really kind of

329
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you know, spun things one hundred and eighty degrees. For me,

330
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I was like, Okay, no more reading, no more you know,

331
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no more being the learner. What if I'm a teacher?

332
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And that suddenly made me stop and do things very very,

333
00:23:46.480 --> 00:23:51.160
very very differently than who I ever was before. So

334
00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:54.920
that definitely shifted me, which was at the same time

335
00:23:55.279 --> 00:23:58.000
that I read the title of the book, you are

336
00:23:58.119 --> 00:24:03.480
who you are looking for and all of it like,

337
00:24:03.559 --> 00:24:06.759
you know, I keep describing it as my eyes turning

338
00:24:06.839 --> 00:24:11.079
from outward to inward and I just subscribe to new

339
00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:15.079
channels and I'm having so much fun. There's drama, there's romance,

340
00:24:15.160 --> 00:24:17.279
there's violence.

341
00:24:16.920 --> 00:24:20.319
You know, violence. Tell me more about that.

342
00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:27.720
I mean, there is it. The it's for some reason,

343
00:24:27.799 --> 00:24:34.799
we have this un realistic expectation for growth to be

344
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quiet and small, and but we do go through, especially

345
00:24:44.480 --> 00:24:54.079
rapid growth, is it feels very powerful. So sometimes we

346
00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:57.200
don't like it, but we are we are taught to

347
00:24:58.519 --> 00:25:04.960
scripted or conditioned to think that rapid growth needs to

348
00:25:05.079 --> 00:25:10.319
not feel uncomfortable. But I mean, if you're going to

349
00:25:10.359 --> 00:25:13.480
the moon, you know you're going to face the g force.

350
00:25:15.440 --> 00:25:18.720
Well, and growth is uncomfortable, right like growth growth happens

351
00:25:18.759 --> 00:25:20.680
on the other side of your comfort zone. We we

352
00:25:21.160 --> 00:25:24.920
know this, and it's a lot easier said than done

353
00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:28.319
for some people, but we understand that when you do

354
00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:32.119
those hard things that don't that are not always the

355
00:25:32.119 --> 00:25:35.079
most comfy thing, you know, that's when that's when the

356
00:25:35.079 --> 00:25:38.000
real life that opens life up. And it isn't that

357
00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:38.480
a gift?

358
00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:44.319
Yes, it's almost always in hindsight for most of us.

359
00:25:45.240 --> 00:25:50.200
And the fun is it is in watching it in

360
00:25:50.279 --> 00:25:50.960
real time.

361
00:25:51.720 --> 00:25:54.240
So how do we fix that? Like, how do we

362
00:25:54.400 --> 00:25:57.160
how do we get more present so that we know

363
00:25:57.480 --> 00:26:00.440
in real time that that it's that, that it's happening.

364
00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:05.680
I think the best way, at least to my understanding

365
00:26:05.759 --> 00:26:10.759
and my experience and what I know about human behavior,

366
00:26:11.400 --> 00:26:16.599
I think it's all about really understanding ourselves, because understanding

367
00:26:16.759 --> 00:26:22.799
is the key understanding. Complete understanding is what resolves and dissolves,

368
00:26:23.480 --> 00:26:28.960
and so it allows you to just like complete the

369
00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:36.599
circle of what your experience was. And I think again,

370
00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:39.960
like I say, we are scripted, we are conditioned. I

371
00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:42.440
don't know what happened, but somewhere along the way we

372
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:46.759
are on the wrong path. We think it's all about others.

373
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It's not about others. Like eighty percent of everything that

374
00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:55.319
we need to become to be present, to feel present,

375
00:26:55.519 --> 00:27:03.839
to really go from hindsight to real time is us.

376
00:27:04.319 --> 00:27:06.839
And we are not comfortable with that anymore.

377
00:27:09.119 --> 00:27:11.200
And I think one of the ways we get more

378
00:27:11.240 --> 00:27:15.000
comfortable speaks to a different card we didn't talk about,

379
00:27:15.079 --> 00:27:19.039
which is we humans thrive when we tribe, which makes

380
00:27:19.079 --> 00:27:22.559
it reminds me while you gather your thinking around that card,

381
00:27:22.559 --> 00:27:25.319
because I want us to talk through that chapter, it

382
00:27:25.359 --> 00:27:29.279
reminds me of something that Rachel Hollis said on the

383
00:27:29.400 --> 00:27:33.960
stage at Rise Minneapolis in twenty nineteen which stuck with me,

384
00:27:34.640 --> 00:27:38.599
which is that she was talking about self love and

385
00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:41.759
the way she described it was so perfect for my

386
00:27:41.839 --> 00:27:43.920
brain that it finally made it. It finally made it

387
00:27:43.960 --> 00:27:47.279
through in a way that made self love become less

388
00:27:47.319 --> 00:27:50.079
of this concept and more of something that actually made

389
00:27:50.160 --> 00:27:52.680
sense to me. So she described it as a vase.

390
00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:56.079
That is, you know, when your vase is full and

391
00:27:56.119 --> 00:27:58.759
you're pouring, and you're pouring, and you're pouring and you're pouring,

392
00:27:58.799 --> 00:28:01.400
you're more likely for that used to fall over, crack

393
00:28:01.440 --> 00:28:04.160
open and split everywhere and spill everywhere and all that jazz.

394
00:28:04.200 --> 00:28:10.759
But if you just stand tall and proud and in

395
00:28:10.799 --> 00:28:14.599
that self love and you let the world pour into you,

396
00:28:15.559 --> 00:28:20.160
that will overflow. Now that was like the coolest demonstration

397
00:28:20.279 --> 00:28:22.480
for me, and it brought it to life for me

398
00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:24.720
in a way that I finally got it, like the

399
00:28:24.799 --> 00:28:28.720
light bulb went on, and it was more fun in

400
00:28:28.799 --> 00:28:31.960
that moment to take it full circle because I was

401
00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:35.200
with a tribe. The Rise tribe has remained a huge

402
00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:37.359
part of my life for the last six years, and

403
00:28:37.400 --> 00:28:40.480
I'm very very grateful for them. But we humans thrive

404
00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:41.480
when we tribe.

405
00:28:41.839 --> 00:28:45.680
Talk about that, So in one of the distinctions that

406
00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:50.680
I make in the chapter is about tribe not as numbers,

407
00:28:51.440 --> 00:28:55.359
but tribe as in where there is a two way street.

408
00:28:56.559 --> 00:28:59.799
The two way street is really important, and I think

409
00:28:59.839 --> 00:29:02.839
that if we were to take stock of places where

410
00:29:02.880 --> 00:29:07.000
we are actually two way, all of us have very

411
00:29:07.119 --> 00:29:11.119
very few relationships. In fact, we are not two way

412
00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:15.319
with our own selves, right. So to me, this idea

413
00:29:15.599 --> 00:29:21.480
of tribing is how many two way streets are you on?

414
00:29:23.440 --> 00:29:27.920
And are you on a two way street with yourself?

415
00:29:28.200 --> 00:29:32.440
Like do you listen to your body? Do you listen

416
00:29:33.079 --> 00:29:37.720
to yourselves, do you or do you force your body

417
00:29:37.759 --> 00:29:40.079
to work out on a day that it's not ready

418
00:29:40.119 --> 00:29:42.759
to work out? Like, are you kind to your body

419
00:29:42.759 --> 00:29:47.920
that day? The two way street is really where it's

420
00:29:47.960 --> 00:29:52.920
an understanding that there is an incompleteness between the two

421
00:29:53.720 --> 00:29:58.200
and that we are we are creating a fit for

422
00:29:58.319 --> 00:30:02.680
each other. So there's humility and there is kind of

423
00:30:02.759 --> 00:30:09.799
respect for what the other brings, and so the first

424
00:30:09.880 --> 00:30:15.039
experience of it is really internal, like if we I

425
00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:21.440
the since turning the lens and subscribing to the channels inside,

426
00:30:21.720 --> 00:30:24.920
the kind of best friend that I am with myself,

427
00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:32.240
I am amazed. I just don't feel lonely because now

428
00:30:32.279 --> 00:30:36.759
I know I have myself, that there's already a friend

429
00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:40.319
that I have by my side, and that's that's all

430
00:30:40.359 --> 00:30:47.000
we need sometimes, right, So I think thriving with tribing

431
00:30:47.119 --> 00:30:53.880
refers to this two way street that we have needs

432
00:30:53.960 --> 00:30:58.079
that we cannot accomplish on our own as humans. We

433
00:30:58.279 --> 00:31:02.960
are incomplete, and that's not what the rhythm of the

434
00:31:03.000 --> 00:31:06.119
songs that we hear. You know, we hear a lot

435
00:31:06.200 --> 00:31:13.359
about independence and power, and that's it's not the humility

436
00:31:13.440 --> 00:31:14.480
that we hear about.

437
00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:20.039
So well, speaking of humility that we hear about. I

438
00:31:20.079 --> 00:31:23.759
heard you talk through a very hard and very human

439
00:31:23.880 --> 00:31:27.240
experience of losing your dad at a very young age.

440
00:31:27.880 --> 00:31:31.400
And I also my dad passed away when I was

441
00:31:31.440 --> 00:31:35.519
twenty three, which I was very older than you, but

442
00:31:35.599 --> 00:31:38.720
definitely not ready for dealing with that kind of grief.

443
00:31:39.440 --> 00:31:45.559
And also nobody's ready. We're never ready. Grief happens and

444
00:31:46.039 --> 00:31:51.079
it's hard. So what advice would you have, you know,

445
00:31:51.160 --> 00:31:54.920
for us humans trying to figure out how to navigate

446
00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:58.039
something like grief, because it's very common. Everybody loses people

447
00:31:58.200 --> 00:32:01.160
every single day. And I think, you know, i'd wonder,

448
00:32:01.440 --> 00:32:05.440
I wonder what not like a shortcut, per se, but

449
00:32:05.480 --> 00:32:10.519
what ye different tactics you would suggest for going into

450
00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:13.599
yourself in a way that's beneficial and helpful for people.

451
00:32:15.319 --> 00:32:23.359
And I really appreciate this question. Grief now we have

452
00:32:23.759 --> 00:32:29.960
a lot more understanding of it, and in fact, I

453
00:32:30.039 --> 00:32:33.079
have a group of friends who talk about grief in

454
00:32:33.240 --> 00:32:37.119
mergers and acquisitions, like the grief that employees feel right.

455
00:32:37.519 --> 00:32:41.680
So we have so many applications or different understanding of

456
00:32:41.759 --> 00:32:45.599
the nuances of grief. One thing which I feel I

457
00:32:45.759 --> 00:32:49.920
have and I use a tool that I don't feel

458
00:32:49.920 --> 00:32:53.400
as common is the one that I'd like to share,

459
00:32:53.880 --> 00:33:01.880
and that is we experience and it could be for

460
00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:07.599
any emotion. We experience an emotion in a very weirdly unique,

461
00:33:08.400 --> 00:33:11.319
are kind of way. And I'll give you an example.

462
00:33:12.359 --> 00:33:17.599
I have am known and have and do cry a lot,

463
00:33:19.160 --> 00:33:24.160
right same and it was it was again I'll refer

464
00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:28.400
to when I subscribed to my inner channels, that I

465
00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:37.519
understood that every time I cry, I am raging. It's anger.

466
00:33:39.039 --> 00:33:42.519
It's just a way that maybe as a child, or

467
00:33:42.559 --> 00:33:48.960
maybe as a as as whatever, the conditioning or like

468
00:33:49.000 --> 00:33:53.680
I said, the scripting around me was we find a

469
00:33:53.720 --> 00:33:59.359
way of expressing our emotion in a socially acceptable way.

470
00:33:59.799 --> 00:34:03.720
So I cannot say this is true for the entire world,

471
00:34:03.880 --> 00:34:08.000
or all women or all Indians. I cannot generalize this

472
00:34:08.199 --> 00:34:11.519
and say, oh, we cry because we are angry. That's

473
00:34:11.519 --> 00:34:14.800
not true for it. But I think what we need

474
00:34:14.840 --> 00:34:18.639
to do is to find that really weird way that

475
00:34:18.719 --> 00:34:26.440
we are grieving, and that's where we will understand. Every

476
00:34:26.599 --> 00:34:33.320
time that I cry, I understand I'm waging, like the

477
00:34:33.840 --> 00:34:38.599
more I saw, because my real crying is very short lived,

478
00:34:39.000 --> 00:34:42.880
which is matching to what we understand of a primary emotion.

479
00:34:43.400 --> 00:34:48.360
It comes and it goes. That's a primary emotion. It

480
00:34:48.400 --> 00:34:51.639
comes and it goes. But if there's something that is

481
00:34:51.760 --> 00:34:55.800
staying and is defining you, then you need to understand

482
00:34:55.880 --> 00:34:59.679
that the wires are mismatched. Like, you know, my crying

483
00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:03.400
some how God connected to my rage. I don't know

484
00:35:03.440 --> 00:35:05.760
how that happened, but it is true of me.

485
00:35:08.760 --> 00:35:13.400
Well we rage when we cry. That's you don't seem

486
00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:16.000
like a rageful human though, Like I don't see you

487
00:35:16.119 --> 00:35:16.840
being rageful.

488
00:35:17.519 --> 00:35:20.599
If you if you were to see how much I

489
00:35:20.719 --> 00:35:25.239
cry and understand that, it's oooh, then I'm an angry

490
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:27.519
young She's very angry.

491
00:35:27.559 --> 00:35:31.360
Watch out, let's turn that anger into something good.

492
00:35:31.920 --> 00:35:32.239
Yeah.

493
00:35:32.519 --> 00:35:35.559
Yeah, you're just right here with this book. That's what

494
00:35:35.599 --> 00:35:38.679
that's what you're doing. You're bringing the emotion to light.

495
00:35:39.440 --> 00:35:41.960
Yeah, and you know, I'm so glad we had this

496
00:35:42.079 --> 00:35:45.719
question because that is really the essence of the book.

497
00:35:45.800 --> 00:35:50.119
Also is that when I say, you know, this is Jumanji,

498
00:35:50.199 --> 00:35:53.199
go on your own adventure, You're just going to have

499
00:35:53.840 --> 00:35:59.679
such interesting insights about who you are. And so now

500
00:35:59.719 --> 00:36:02.239
I know to say when I'm crying is that I'm

501
00:36:02.360 --> 00:36:08.480
really angry. It doesn't land with people easily, but I

502
00:36:09.360 --> 00:36:14.280
now articulate it and say that this is really making

503
00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:15.440
me very angry.

504
00:36:16.119 --> 00:36:19.480
So well, it helps to have a vocabulary around, Yes,

505
00:36:19.639 --> 00:36:22.280
hard things to talk about, and that's exactly what you're doing.

506
00:36:22.280 --> 00:36:27.480
You're bringing understood vocabulary to things that can feel kind

507
00:36:27.480 --> 00:36:30.679
of out of reach or hard to understand. So that's helpful.

508
00:36:31.599 --> 00:36:34.559
And who will do it for me? That nobody has

509
00:36:34.880 --> 00:36:39.719
an insight into me the way I do? And I think,

510
00:36:39.760 --> 00:36:42.599
going back to your question on what do we need

511
00:36:42.639 --> 00:36:46.280
to own? What do we need to what accountability do

512
00:36:46.320 --> 00:36:50.519
we have? We have that accountability of this living human

513
00:36:51.199 --> 00:36:54.639
to be expressed into this world. There's nobody else who

514
00:36:54.679 --> 00:36:59.360
has that megaphone but you about who you are, and

515
00:36:59.480 --> 00:37:04.280
so I think, think, yeah, that's how I would grieve.

516
00:37:06.039 --> 00:37:08.440
Thank you for walking through that with us. So my

517
00:37:08.599 --> 00:37:12.000
questions now tend to err on the side of more

518
00:37:12.039 --> 00:37:15.159
of like a quick hitting sentence or to kind of answer,

519
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:18.079
because I want to help. I want to ask the

520
00:37:18.119 --> 00:37:21.119
same questions of every guest that comes on, and I've

521
00:37:21.119 --> 00:37:23.440
done that with varied levels of success so far. But

522
00:37:23.880 --> 00:37:27.280
let's see if we can't figure this one out. So,

523
00:37:27.960 --> 00:37:31.519
what is something about this season of your life that

524
00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:33.079
you don't want to forget.

525
00:37:33.840 --> 00:37:37.920
Walking the path so that I can then teach it

526
00:37:37.960 --> 00:37:38.840
to others.

527
00:37:39.639 --> 00:37:44.599
Beautiful. What part of yourself are you most grateful that

528
00:37:44.639 --> 00:37:47.320
you never let go of throughout your life?

529
00:37:47.840 --> 00:37:49.119
My humanness part?

530
00:37:50.639 --> 00:37:53.599
Course, I know you want to say more. You can

531
00:37:53.599 --> 00:37:54.079
say more.

532
00:37:56.599 --> 00:37:59.880
Yeah, that's that's the gift that I was getting that

533
00:38:00.079 --> 00:38:01.239
I never knew I was.

534
00:38:02.519 --> 00:38:03.840
And now you get to share it with the world.

535
00:38:05.559 --> 00:38:09.559
If someone listening feels pressure to choose just one version

536
00:38:09.559 --> 00:38:12.159
of themselves, what would you want them to hear?

537
00:38:13.159 --> 00:38:16.199
Listen to the one that is right now.

538
00:38:16.840 --> 00:38:21.159
Quick, before you forget what matters to you most right now?

539
00:38:22.239 --> 00:38:27.679
We humans, the book, we Humans, the book we Humans,

540
00:38:27.760 --> 00:38:35.360
the idea we humans, the dream we humans, the movement

541
00:38:35.679 --> 00:38:41.880
that we are experiencing, we humans, the readiness that we have.

542
00:38:43.639 --> 00:38:47.840
All of that will send like electric currents through my body.

543
00:38:49.360 --> 00:38:52.519
That's beautiful. So we do have a little more time,

544
00:38:52.599 --> 00:38:54.760
So I want to circle back to a couple more

545
00:38:54.840 --> 00:38:56.760
questions that I had. If that's okay with you, If

546
00:38:56.760 --> 00:39:00.639
you still have the time too, let's do. Let you

547
00:39:00.679 --> 00:39:03.800
slow down and look at your life through the lenses

548
00:39:03.840 --> 00:39:07.360
of these cards and chapters, or just in general. What

549
00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:11.760
helps you come back to center, what help? What grounds you?

550
00:39:13.159 --> 00:39:16.360
So I say this in my book, and I say

551
00:39:16.400 --> 00:39:21.079
this out loud many times. It's true I am plagued

552
00:39:21.280 --> 00:39:28.079
by self doubt and at the same time, a very

553
00:39:28.159 --> 00:39:33.039
parallel story of mine has been standing in the face

554
00:39:33.079 --> 00:39:37.840
of fear even when I was afraid. And so what

555
00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:43.920
really grounds me is the combination. It's the polar opposite,

556
00:39:44.039 --> 00:39:49.519
but they're equally true for me. So it's the yes

557
00:39:49.719 --> 00:39:53.119
and like we use an improv, right, it's the yes

558
00:39:53.199 --> 00:39:57.199
and yes I'm afraid. Yes, I'm plagued by self doubt. Yes,

559
00:39:57.280 --> 00:40:01.039
I have stepped into this and I can do it now.

560
00:40:01.719 --> 00:40:12.519
So it helps me remember who I can be. Sometimes

561
00:40:12.519 --> 00:40:16.159
it takes longer to ground depending on the fear.

562
00:40:17.239 --> 00:40:20.480
Well, fear is hard, Honestly, you know I've worked through.

563
00:40:20.559 --> 00:40:24.039
I've done very very hard work with fear in the

564
00:40:24.119 --> 00:40:28.159
last year, and it's something that's helped me in case

565
00:40:28.199 --> 00:40:32.119
it might help be helpful to anybody listening. Is understanding

566
00:40:32.400 --> 00:40:35.840
a very scientific thing that doesn't still doesn't make sense

567
00:40:35.880 --> 00:40:38.599
to me, but most science doesn't, which is that fear

568
00:40:38.639 --> 00:40:41.800
and excitement are essentially the same chemical in your brain,

569
00:40:42.320 --> 00:40:44.599
and it's up to you to decide how to decipher it.

570
00:40:44.960 --> 00:40:47.440
So what comes to mind for me is a goofy

571
00:40:47.519 --> 00:40:50.000
story that I'd love to tell about my twelve year

572
00:40:50.039 --> 00:40:53.360
old son and a roller coaster. And you know, this

573
00:40:53.440 --> 00:40:55.239
is something that we talk about in our house. We

574
00:40:55.480 --> 00:40:58.719
talk about big feelings, we talk about hard feelings, we

575
00:40:58.760 --> 00:41:00.920
talk about good feelings. And one of the feelings that

576
00:41:00.920 --> 00:41:04.639
we worked through very closely with my kids is fear.

577
00:41:05.199 --> 00:41:07.199
And so my twelve year old son is standing in

578
00:41:07.239 --> 00:41:10.039
a line for this roller coaster that has a three

579
00:41:10.159 --> 00:41:12.880
hundred foot drop and all kinds of crazy inversions, and

580
00:41:12.920 --> 00:41:16.719
he's very, very scared, and my younger son is kind

581
00:41:16.719 --> 00:41:20.519
of ras in him, like buddy, you got this, it's fine, whatever,

582
00:41:20.920 --> 00:41:23.480
and the older son just wasn't having it. And quite honestly,

583
00:41:23.559 --> 00:41:26.159
between between us, I was not okay either.

584
00:41:26.440 --> 00:41:26.800
I was.

585
00:41:27.119 --> 00:41:30.079
I was freaking out. So we're standing there waiting in

586
00:41:30.079 --> 00:41:32.440
this line, and I'm actually getting nervous talking about it.

587
00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:34.559
But we're standing there waiting in this line and my

588
00:41:34.599 --> 00:41:37.320
twelve year old is panicking, and we get on the

589
00:41:37.360 --> 00:41:39.880
thing and we're in the in the front row, like

590
00:41:39.960 --> 00:41:42.960
it wasn't that we were in the front row, and

591
00:41:43.920 --> 00:41:48.639
we go all the way up. You know, it's crazy. Yes,

592
00:41:48.679 --> 00:41:51.920
the build up, the anxiety is there, excuse me. And

593
00:41:52.039 --> 00:41:54.559
we get to the top and the son that was

594
00:41:54.559 --> 00:41:58.000
scared starts to say, I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying.

595
00:41:58.440 --> 00:42:00.920
And then when the drop finally had happened, the three

596
00:42:01.000 --> 00:42:04.599
hundred foot drop at ninety three miles an hour, he said, no,

597
00:42:05.079 --> 00:42:07.920
I'm alive the whole way down. It was just I'm

598
00:42:07.960 --> 00:42:12.079
alive the whole way wow. And it was this beautiful

599
00:42:12.119 --> 00:42:14.599
moment for me as his parent, to see that switch

600
00:42:14.679 --> 00:42:19.039
happen in real time because he was loving it. He was,

601
00:42:19.360 --> 00:42:22.639
but he was so nervous. He was and I was too.

602
00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:26.760
I honestly literally shaking nervous, like your whole body is nervous.

603
00:42:27.960 --> 00:42:32.239
So the whole fear concept and getting to know fear

604
00:42:32.440 --> 00:42:34.800
is such a huge and important thing for people. I

605
00:42:34.840 --> 00:42:37.199
think that that is, you know, it's up to us

606
00:42:37.199 --> 00:42:39.159
how we handle that relationship we have with fear.

607
00:42:39.800 --> 00:42:43.320
Yeah, And it kind of goes back to what we

608
00:42:43.320 --> 00:42:48.639
were talking about the chapter Thribe and Tribe, right, it's

609
00:42:48.719 --> 00:42:53.880
the two way street, because I feel like fear spoke

610
00:42:54.000 --> 00:42:59.440
back and there's a conversation, if we really, really really

611
00:42:59.480 --> 00:43:02.800
slow it down, we will understand that we have a

612
00:43:02.840 --> 00:43:10.599
conversation with fear and it's in that conversation that the

613
00:43:11.719 --> 00:43:18.800
switch happened. And so it's fascinating. I think that would

614
00:43:18.840 --> 00:43:24.199
have changed his relationship with fear, and to remember it

615
00:43:24.320 --> 00:43:29.320
stays inside of him forever to say, ooh, I'm alive.

616
00:43:30.880 --> 00:43:34.159
We're grateful to be alive today and every day. Archie.

617
00:43:34.519 --> 00:43:37.079
I'm so grateful for you. I'm so grateful for your

618
00:43:37.119 --> 00:43:41.039
time today and for pouring into the listeners and viewers

619
00:43:41.079 --> 00:43:46.400
with all of this super important, very relevant and meaningful

620
00:43:46.400 --> 00:43:50.400
conversation today. I'm very very grateful. So, unless you have

621
00:43:50.480 --> 00:43:53.400
anything else that you want to say, I am ready

622
00:43:53.440 --> 00:43:54.159
to sign off.

623
00:43:55.360 --> 00:44:00.000
I just want to express my thanks to you. Thank you.

624
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:02.960
Like I said when I was introduced to you, I

625
00:44:03.000 --> 00:44:07.559
was just so excited to meet you because there's your

626
00:44:07.599 --> 00:44:12.079
work preceded you and I was really looking forward to

627
00:44:12.159 --> 00:44:15.360
meeting you. I'm so glad that we are doing this today.

628
00:44:15.519 --> 00:44:19.039
Thank you so much for sharing this platform. It means

629
00:44:19.159 --> 00:44:20.000
the world to me.

630
00:44:20.199 --> 00:44:23.599
Thank you, thank you, thank you for being with me

631
00:44:23.679 --> 00:44:26.840
today on Quick Before you forget, please take a second

632
00:44:26.960 --> 00:44:30.199
to like, share, subscribe, and rate the show as it's

633
00:44:30.280 --> 00:44:33.599
super helpful for me. If you do, thank you, thank you,

634
00:44:33.960 --> 00:44:36.840
thank you, and I'll see you next time on quick

635
00:44:36.920 --> 00:44:37.679
before you forget