July 27, 2026

This is the Way: Having the Courage to Choose the Life That's Actually Yours to Live

This is the Way: Having the Courage to Choose the Life That's Actually Yours to Live

You can build a life that looks successful on paper and still know, deep inside your soul, that something isn't right.

Ryan Hanley knows that feeling at a visceral level.

In 2017, after years of chasing more of everything - more opportunities, more speaking engagements, more recognition, more success - Ryan collapsed backstage at a conference. From the outside, his career was taking off. Behind the scenes, he was exhausted, anxious, disconnected from his family, and beginning to realize he might be succeeding at the wrong game. That moment forced a question that changed his life:

Do I even want to become the person I'm working this hard to become?

In this vulnerable conversation on Quick Before You Forget, Ryan and Ty explore burnout, purpose, regret, fear, success, faith, parenting, and what it means to build a life that actually belongs to you.

Ryan shares why clarity (NOT MORE) may be what you're missing, how comparison can distort your definition of success, and the simple 90-second PEAK framework he uses to stop a spiral and return to the present: Presence, Energy, Awareness, and Kalibration.

They also talk about choosing risk over a life that feels safe but wrong, raising children who are watching more closely than we realize, the power of mentorship, and Ryan's belief that fear isn't proof you should stop. Instead, it's simply a data point.

Because burnout isn't always about doing too much. Sometimes we're exhausted because we've spent too long becoming someone we never actually wanted to be. And you don't need an entirely new life.

You need to come back to the one that's already yours.

If you've been feeling burned out, lost, successful-but-unfulfilled, uncertain about what's next, or like something in your life simply doesn't fit anymore, this conversation will meet you where you're at, give you a quick and necessary hug, and kick you in the pants to get started with building the life you are actually meant to live.

Meaningful Moments

00:00 — Meet Ryan Hanley: Finding clarity in a noisy world
01:00 — What does it cost when your life looks right but feels wrong?
04:00 — Succeeding at the wrong game
07:00 — The backstage collapse that changed Ryan's life
09:00 — What happens when you don't live what you teach
12:00 — “This Is the Way”: creating a code for your life
15:00 — Faith, clarity, and finding peace with who you are
17:00 — Are you living in reality—or somebody else's definition of success?
19:00 — The Ferrari problem: comparison and feeling like you're never enough
23:00 — Reality → accountability → responsibility
25:00 — What you focus on is who you become
27:00 — Finding the work that actually makes you feel alive
29:00 — How clarity makes saying “no” easier
31:00 — The PEAK Method: a 90-second reset when you're spiraling
32:00 — P: Are you actually present?
33:00 — Energy, awareness, and recalibrating yourself
35:00 — How to stop one bad moment from stealing your entire day
37:00 — Why needing to recalibrate doesn't mean you've failed
39:00 — What Ryan would tell his 22-year-old self
40:00 — Growing up poor and knowing he wanted something different
42:00 — When the “safe” life isn't your life
44:00 — The cost of spending a decade being who you think you should be
46:00 — Choosing alignment even when the next step is scary
47:00 — What Ryan's sons have taught him about becoming who you say you are
49:00 — Parenting as accountability
53:00 — The +1/-1 philosophy of mentorship
55:00 — “I'm dying” → “I'm alive”: choosing excitement over fear
57:00 — Ryan's unexpected music of survival: Wu-Tang
1:00:00 — Ryan's Megaphone Moment: courage and Ralph Waldo Emerson
1:02:00 — Fear is a data point—not a verdict
1:04:00 — Fear vs. excitement and choosing the bigger life
1:05:00 — Ryan's upcoming book, Easy Mode

Ryan Hanley's Song of Survival is all things by Wu-Tang Clan.

Connect with Ryan or book him to speak at your next event: https://ryanhanley.com

WEBVTT

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Fear and excitement light up the same neural pathways in

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your brain.

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If you strap on one of those brain scanners and

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you feel fear or you feel excitement, your brain looks

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exactly the same, which means you get to choose whether

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something is exciting or it is fearful.

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It is a choice. You're not feeling fear.

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You're having a data point that you get to choose

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whether that data point is positive or negative.

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But either way, it's just a data point. You're not

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wrong for feeling fear.

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Ryan Hanley, welcome to Quick before you forget.

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Oh my gosh, it's such a pleasure to be here.

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I am so excited for my friends to get to

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know you better. So you guys. Ryan is a amazing

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ted X speaker. He's a keynote speaker, He's an entrepreneur,

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and he's a founder of Finding Peak, where he helps

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leaders cut through noise and build lives and businesses with

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ruthless clarity. He's delivered more than four hundred keynotes, built

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and sold a company, and is known for challenging high

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performers to stop chasing someone else's version of who they

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should be and what success looks like. What makes Ryan.

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Different isn't what he's built, it's what he's walked away

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from and what he's learned about choosing your life on purpose.

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So what this conversation Ryan looks like is a walk

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through the past, present, and future of your life. How

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does that sound?

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Sounds great?

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Well, I'm grateful you're here, and normally I start a

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little different, but I wanted to start today by asking

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kind of a two part question that is based in

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that challenge and that clarity that you offer people. So

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what is the cost of chasing a life that looks

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good on the outside but feels off on the inside

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is the first part, And the second part is when

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in your life did you realize that you were succeeding

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at the wrong game.

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I think the cleanest way to describe the answer to

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your first part of your question is regret. And I

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know there's been some work done recently around regret being

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a positive thing.

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I've read that. I think it's nonsense. I think regret.

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You can try to spin regret to be a positive,

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but I don't think anyone feels it that way, and

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I don't think regret is always acute. I think it's

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portrayed as acute in stories or in movies, I oftentimes

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think that we feel regret and how it presents in

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our lives is this.

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Dull haze.

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And I don't want to get too nerdy on you,

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but nerdy in general if anyone has ever studied science

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or space in particular, there is this cloud that we

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can't see past. When we point our telescopes into the sky,

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we hit a certain point, it becomes fuzzy and gray,

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and we.

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Just can't see past that point.

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And I feel like when we aren't, when we feel unfulfilled,

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when we feel disconnected from our purpose, our meaning, which

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is very easy to do and all of us will

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experience at some point in our life, it is this dull,

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fuzzy haze that we can't seepass, that we don't understand,

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but it's there, and it's It manifests as frustration, as discontent,

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as dissatisfaction, as lacking stillness, lacking clarity, and it presents

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in many different ways, but it is this base, this

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base part of us that we just wake up with

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every day and we maybe can't even articulate, but a

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lot of times it stems from regret. I'm not doing X,

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I should be X, I wish I was X, or

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why and I'm not.

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And there's a lot of different reasons for that.

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But when I work with someone, if we can get

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we can start to at least name what that is.

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If we can bring words to it and start to

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actually examine and understand what it is, then we can

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start to figure out how to get past it. It's

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not always regret. Sometimes and I don't mean to go

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too far off context, you can pull me back in here,

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but sometimes we manifest regret for things that we don't

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even actually want. And I think that is, unfortunately, one

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of the downsides of social media and the way media

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is presented today and the world is presented to us,

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is that no matter what you do, it's not good enough.

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And that's a very difficult thing for people to do.

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I went so long, I forgot the second half of

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your question.

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Well that's okay. So, I mean, you said a lot

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of good and important things in there, but my question

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was how it kind of impacts you, Like when did

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yel that you were working and succeeding at the wrong game.

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Yes, so I had a very clear moment in twenty seventeen,

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I had risen from a local independent insurance agent. Not

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that there's anything wrong with that, but you know, just

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local business person. And I had done a few things

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that had put me on the national stage in one

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particular industry.

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In this case, it was the insurance industry.

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And I started to get asked to do keynotes and

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speak and do workshops.

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And it was it.

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It was the closest thing to the high of playing

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sports in high school and college that I could possibly

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feel as an adult. I felt like I had lost

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that I didn't know how to get it back. And

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then all of a sudden, I'm on stage telling stories

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and interacting with an audience, and I'm like, oh my god,

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I love this.

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And I basically I bought into the whole thing.

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I bought into the hype, into the social media, and

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I said yes to everything, and I was on the road.

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You know, I think one year I did in twenty sixteen,

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I think I did something like fifty plus keynotes. And

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I had two young kids at home, and I had

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a wife at home, and I was just I was

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on another planet. I was not being a good parent,

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I was not being a good spouse, I wasn't being

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a good caretaker or steward of my family. In my

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portion of that role, I basically was completely captured by

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this notoriety that had kind of seemingly come out of

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nowhere for me and I and I convinced myself, and

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this is where I get to the regret part. I

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had convinced myself that I.

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Was doing it for my family.

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I was able to mentally justify leaving them, leaving them

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far too often, being disconnected, not present at home, working

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sixteen eighteen hour days, you know, and in some cases

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just just work to work, just because I thought that's

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what you had to do if you wanted to be successful.

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And in twenty seventeen, I had ground my my I

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had stress and anxiety because I was trying to become

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this thing that I had in my mind that I

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thought I was supposed to become. And at the same time,

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I knew in the back of my mind that I

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wasn't taking care of my family at home and there

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was tension, and I wasn't working out, I wasn't eating right.

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I was masking the feelings of pain or frustration or

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dissatisfaction that I had across the board with you know,

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with alcohol, not necessarily in like I'm getting bombed all

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the time away But it was like that I need

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to have a drink every night.

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To like calm myself.

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Thought that you start to it starts to like link

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into your brain, so like, I'm not taking care of myself.

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I was the MC of a conference in twenty seventeen

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called Elevate, and before I went out to introduce the

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closing Kenot, I passed out backstage like literally sack of

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potatoes to the floor and it was basically exhaustion. I was,

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like I said, I wasn't taking care of myself. I

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was filled with anxiety, filled with stress, and my body

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just couldn't take it. And it was a huge wake

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up call to say, like do I even want to

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be this thing that I'm trying to become? And then

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I started to have massive and this is where the

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regret comes in. Then I started to say, well, all

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I've ever really wanted to be was a great role

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model for my boys, and I want to be a

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good husband and I want to you know, these are

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these are characteristics of who I want to be, and

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I want to be a good steward of the people

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who listen to the things I say and I'm not

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even living the life that I would coach people on

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and I would tell people that, you know, help and

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help and trying to help people do the things that

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could make them happy. I wasn't living that life either,

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And I'm like looking in the mirror, going, you're a

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freaking joke, like you you're you're telling people, you know, hey,

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we need to you know, have a fit mind and

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have a fit body, and be good stewards of our

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family and our finances and these things.

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And not that I didn't do.

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Pieces of those things, but I was excusing away my

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discipline and commitment to the ideals that I put out

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into the world. And that just smashed together three minutes

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before I walked on stage to introduce the closing keynote,

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and it was a revelatory moment for me. I you know,

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it wasn't like I was down and out forever. I

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was not able to bring it. That last speaker on

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I was, unfortunately, and which was which then caused embarrassment,

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and I said, this will never happen again. And it

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was that that changed the course of my life. Was

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that moment, and I said, if I'm gonna be able

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to sit here and talk to you and share my

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story with your audience and with my own audience and

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my own podcast and in my keynotes and in the

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people that I coach, Like this seems obvious, but like

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I got to live that life, Like can't I can't

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be helped, you know, I can't know the path and

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not walk the path. That it's completely disingenuous and disconnected.

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And unfortunately, I believe in soul. I'm I'm a Christian.

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I believe in all these things. And I think eventually

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the universe cuts up to you and says that that

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disconnect cannot last forever. And I don't love that I

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had to hit that moment to learn the lesson. But

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at the same time, here, you know, almost a decade later,

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I'm glad it happened because anytime I feel myself straying,

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I just go back and relive that moment and the

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feelings that I had and said, you promised yourself, you

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made a commitment to yourself that you would never put

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yourself back in this position, get back on the path.

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And you know, that's one of the ways that I

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recalibrate today.

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Wow, thank you. And what I heard in that story

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was that things were fractured, like things were I've broken

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as the wrong word fractured, I'll stick with fractured. And

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were you okay? Like what happened after you passed out?

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I drank some water, sat there in embarrassment of only

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my own design, you know, no one else, No one

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even knew other than the three or four people that

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were backstage, and all of them were very good. But

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I just kind of sat. I sat off to the

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side where no one could see me, and I watched

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the closing keynote and pulled myself together, and then as

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soon as the conference was over, I did all the thing,

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you know, I'm talking to people and all the things

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that you do when you're kind of in that position

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and making sure things were handled right, and kind of

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acted as if nothing had happened that day, just to

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kind of get through it. It wasn't like there was

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another thing intrinsically or systemically wrong with me from.

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A health perspective.

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I had just it was just a point where the

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stress of the two days of being there, the not

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taking care of myself, the other anxiety that I had

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been carrying and ignoring for so long, it just you know,

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smashed together in that moment and my body just gave

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up and you know it. Luckily no long term effects

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other than, you know, a moment in time in which

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I can look back to and say, this is what

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your life becomes when you don't walk the path.

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And it's why today.

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And I know if anyone's a fan of the Mandalorian,

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they I've heard this before. But I close every piece

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of content that I create today with the phrase this

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is the way. And I use that as a reminder

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not necessarily to my audience but to them as well,

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but mostly to myself of like, what I love about

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the phrase this is the way in the Mandalorian if

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anyone's have watched it, and if you haven't or you're

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not a Star Wars fan, that's fine, but essentially, yeah,

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you should. But I get that some people just bucket

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sci fi in general, so that's fine. This phrase essentially

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is an acknowledgment of a code between these people, Mandalorians.

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And what I love about Mandalorians is that they are

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not a race. You can be in the in the world,

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in the universe of Star Wars. You can be any

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race from any planet. You can be everything from royalty

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to a homeless person on the street, and if you

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choose to walk the path, you can be a Mandalorian,

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which means which I love because I think it brings

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together the idea that you know, we're not black, white, yellow, purple, brown,

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we're not man woman, whatever you know we are. It

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is a it is a mentality. It is a mindset

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that brings us together. And in their case, they had

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a code a a and whether you want, whether whether

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the code was easy or hard, you you.

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Walk the path.

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And when when their way of acknowledging that to each

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other was this idea of this is the way, and

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so so it is my I've kind of taken that

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and brought it into my own world, to the idea

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that I have this set of beliefs and code that

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that I've found when I walk the path, the way

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yields satisfaction, piece, love, connection, fulfillment meaning purpose and whether

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that's easier hard, that's the way and you just have

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to live it.

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I love so much about what you just said. I

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am a Star Wars fan, and I did get to

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take a picture with Mando when my family was in

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at Walt Disney World a couple weeks ago, so that

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was really cool and his armor and everything. The detail

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is insane, but there's so much in what you said

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that resonates for me personally, just with you know, being

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on this path. You know, I talk I'm also a Christian,

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and I talk about God's yellow brick road for me

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and that is my path. And I'm increasingly grateful for

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all of the incredible people shapes color sizes all of

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the incredible people that have been part of my journey

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and joining me on this path. It's just been such

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a blessing. So you know when you were it makes

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me wonder like when you were feeling fractured on the

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path and you talked about like the beliefs and the code,

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Like what beliefs do you have that helped you get

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through and kind of piece together to piece things back

283
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together again and get really clear after that happened to

284
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you with with you know, painting and stuff.

285
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So I have always struggled with organized religion. I was

286
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raised an Irish Catholic. I still go to Catholic Church.

287
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There's a lot that I like about the Catholic Church

288
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is a lot that I don't and I've always struggled

289
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with it. But my relationship with God and connection to

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God in particular has always been very strong.

291
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And in the moments where I.

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Have cultivated and purposely cultivated my relationship with God have

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been the moments in which I've found the most clarity.

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Piece. And by peace, I don't mean like sitting cross

295
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lagged in the grass. I mean.

296
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A level of comfortability with who I am and the

297
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way that I operate and how I present to the world.

298
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That's what I mean by peace, Peace in my soul,

299
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not necessarily peace in my actions. Right, you can be

300
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at peace and at war at the same time, internally

301
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at peace and externally at war.

302
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And by war I don't necessarily mean dropping bombs. It

303
00:17:01.480 --> 00:17:05.319
could be your company is struggling and you have to You.

304
00:17:05.279 --> 00:17:07.759
Got to bear down and que quote unquote go to war, right,

305
00:17:07.799 --> 00:17:09.880
You got to dial in and get after it. Like

306
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some people UH struggle with with violent rhetoric, I guess,

307
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But to me that's just being weak willed and weak minded,

308
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not necessarily so. The where what I found to answer

309
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your question, Jordan Peterson was rising.

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To prominence at that time.

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And for whatever anyone thinks of Jordan Peterson, I would

312
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will hold him in regard my entire life because his

313
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work at that time, he was doing a massive amount

314
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of YouTube videos. He was on tour speaking and he

315
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wrote this book, Twelve Rules for Life, and twelve Rules

316
00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:52.759
for Life was a pivot moment because when I read

317
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Twelve Rules for Life, it taught me a few things.

318
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First and foremost.

319
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That we have to live in reality. And I think

320
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a large portion of the disconnection and discontent that we

321
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feel daily is that we're not living in reality.

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And this can take a lot of different forms.

323
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So when I'm working with someone one on one, which

324
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is my preferred way to work with people, oftentimes the

325
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first hurdle we have to get over is that they

326
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have some perception which is not based in reality, that

327
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is driving them, that is causing, that is causing whatever

328
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the issue is. So what does that look like? That

329
00:18:42.400 --> 00:18:45.559
could be. I have a good job that I worked

330
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hard to get. I have a spouse that is still

331
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in love with me. I have kids that I appreciate.

332
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Yet I wake up every day as if I'm a failure. Well,

333
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what's happening there? Because in reality, you're making six figures,

334
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you're paying your bills, your kids are doing great, there's

335
00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:06.799
food on the table, your spouse and you are able

336
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to communicate and get along, which is not an easy

337
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thing to do. I mean, living with any other adult

338
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human is incredibly challenging, let alone the dynamics of a marriage.

339
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Regardless if it's you know, straight, gay, whatever, it doesn't matter.

340
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When two humans live together who love each other, there's

341
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a lot of challenges there. And by all accounts, if

342
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you were to take a manifest of the of the

343
00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:35.720
of your life, you're doing great. Yet you saw someone

344
00:19:35.720 --> 00:19:38.240
that you went to college with is driving a Ferrari

345
00:19:38.720 --> 00:19:42.039
on Instagram, and somehow you feel like your life isn't

346
00:19:42.079 --> 00:19:43.079
everything that it should be.

347
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And I was talking.

348
00:19:45.319 --> 00:19:47.920
I actually had a client a few months ago, and

349
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I tried to cycle off of my clients. I try

350
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not to be there for that. Unless they need that

351
00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:55.920
and want that, that's fine. But my goal is to

352
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help course correct and then let them let them learn,

353
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give them the building blocks to learn these things out

354
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on their own. So this was in the fall, you know,

355
00:20:04.079 --> 00:20:07.440
and and this was his issue. He he he had this.

356
00:20:07.559 --> 00:20:09.359
He's like in his head, he kept saying, I'm using

357
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this for our example because this is what his problem was.

358
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He's like, he's like, oh my, you know, I've done

359
00:20:14.440 --> 00:20:16.759
all these things, but I you know, I don't. I

360
00:20:16.759 --> 00:20:19.519
don't have like a nice car, say like, And I'm

361
00:20:19.559 --> 00:20:21.720
listening to him going, I said to him late.

362
00:20:22.400 --> 00:20:25.240
Okay, so let's let's just let's just let's just take

363
00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:28.720
this in for a second. You like your job, yeah,

364
00:20:28.759 --> 00:20:30.440
I like my job. And you make good money. I'd

365
00:20:30.519 --> 00:20:31.920
like to make a little more, but I make good money.

366
00:20:31.960 --> 00:20:34.640
Okay, fair enough, get that. But you make good money, yes, okay.

367
00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:37.039
And you and your wife, yeah, you know, we get along.

368
00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:38.480
We're did we do well? We still we go on

369
00:20:38.559 --> 00:20:41.119
date nights. I okay, great, that's that's nice. Kids are

370
00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:42.880
doing good, kids are kids are thriving us.

371
00:20:43.000 --> 00:20:43.960
Okay.

372
00:20:44.119 --> 00:20:47.880
So your big frustration, the thing that is keeping you

373
00:20:47.960 --> 00:20:50.400
up at night, the anxiety that at the feeling, the

374
00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:54.160
the the drinking too much, the the eating crappy food,

375
00:20:54.200 --> 00:20:56.000
the extra twenty five pounds that you don't like about

376
00:20:56.039 --> 00:20:59.240
yourself that you're carrying around, that's because you don't have

377
00:20:59.240 --> 00:21:03.680
a ferraw I said, bro, you live in New Hampshire.

378
00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:07.319
What are you gonna do with a Ferrari in New Hampshire?

379
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:10.039
Like you can only drive it like three months.

380
00:21:09.839 --> 00:21:10.359
Out of the year.

381
00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:12.480
There's potholes everywhere, So it's not that you can drive

382
00:21:12.519 --> 00:21:14.480
it fast, Like I live in the Northeast. That's not

383
00:21:14.519 --> 00:21:16.680
a knock on New Hampshire. If you live in Northeast,

384
00:21:16.680 --> 00:21:20.519
there are poddles everywhere. You can't drive these low rise

385
00:21:20.599 --> 00:21:22.480
sports cars anywhere.

386
00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:25.079
Because the roads aren't nice enough. So like, what like

387
00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:25.559
what do you?

388
00:21:25.599 --> 00:21:25.920
What do you?

389
00:21:25.960 --> 00:21:26.720
What are we talking about?

390
00:21:26.759 --> 00:21:29.079
Let's come back to reality for a sec and let's

391
00:21:29.119 --> 00:21:33.279
ground success in reality. Is it what maybe the Ferrari

392
00:21:33.400 --> 00:21:35.759
isn't the thing? Like, is it just that you feel

393
00:21:35.839 --> 00:21:37.839
jealous of this person? And now we can start to

394
00:21:37.880 --> 00:21:39.799
do it, but we have to operate. We have to

395
00:21:39.799 --> 00:21:42.519
come back to what's actually happening here on the ground.

396
00:21:42.559 --> 00:21:45.680
And it looks another way in so much as we

397
00:21:45.799 --> 00:21:48.480
believe the world should work a certain way that it doesn't.

398
00:21:48.680 --> 00:21:49.680
Right, So so.

399
00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:53.240
There's this version, this external version, where we we believe

400
00:21:53.319 --> 00:21:55.799
we should have things that we don't have. Okay, there's

401
00:21:55.799 --> 00:21:58.279
this other way that we distort reality. And these are

402
00:21:58.319 --> 00:22:02.039
the two most common in which we believe the world

403
00:22:02.039 --> 00:22:05.119
should operate in a way that it doesn't. As in, well,

404
00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:07.359
I've been here for twenty years, I should get that

405
00:22:07.400 --> 00:22:11.119
promotion are you the best person for the job. Did

406
00:22:11.160 --> 00:22:14.480
you tell them that you wanted it? Did you like

407
00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:16.839
what did you do that was exceptional that would make

408
00:22:16.920 --> 00:22:20.079
you the absolute choice for that job? Just that you've

409
00:22:20.119 --> 00:22:21.759
been here, Like you think that this way it works,

410
00:22:21.759 --> 00:22:24.440
that's not the way the world works. Right, Like, there's

411
00:22:24.680 --> 00:22:29.200
all these ideas that we allow into our lives that

412
00:22:29.400 --> 00:22:30.440
aren't how.

413
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:31.720
The world works. We don't have to like the way

414
00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:32.480
the world works.

415
00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:37.640
We don't have to like the fact that hierarchical organizations

416
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:43.279
produce more results faster than flat organizations they do. Okay, now,

417
00:22:43.319 --> 00:22:46.519
it doesn't mean that by saying that. It doesn't mean

418
00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:49.839
that the person who's towards the bottom of the hierarchy

419
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:52.240
shouldn't have a voice or that they should be treated differently.

420
00:22:52.279 --> 00:22:55.599
Those are different issues. But we fight. We take this

421
00:22:55.640 --> 00:22:58.799
idea and we're like, everyone should be equal. No, that's

422
00:22:58.799 --> 00:23:01.839
not the way reality works. That's not the way reality works.

423
00:23:01.880 --> 00:23:05.480
It sounds great. I can appreciate the ideal. I'm a Christian.

424
00:23:05.799 --> 00:23:08.440
I believe in God's eyes, we are loved, we are equal.

425
00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:14.759
I morally desire the same thing that you are asking for. Unfortunately,

426
00:23:15.319 --> 00:23:17.559
in the reality we currently operate, and maybe there's a

427
00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:20.519
different reality somewhere on some other plane of existence, which

428
00:23:20.559 --> 00:23:24.000
this isn't true, but on the one we currently sit on, right,

429
00:23:24.960 --> 00:23:29.559
there needs to be someone who's accountable throughout the organization

430
00:23:29.640 --> 00:23:31.200
for the various aspects and things happen.

431
00:23:31.279 --> 00:23:33.200
There needs to be someone in which the buck stops.

432
00:23:33.240 --> 00:23:37.039
And that's essentially what a well run hierarchy does is

433
00:23:37.039 --> 00:23:41.559
it allows levels of accountability and the ability to pass

434
00:23:41.599 --> 00:23:44.680
off work and bucketize and put people in teams.

435
00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:46.240
And these things are very important.

436
00:23:46.359 --> 00:23:51.200
Yet we'll start a company and create some crazy flat

437
00:23:51.279 --> 00:23:54.279
structure and then wonder why nothing gets done and why

438
00:23:54.279 --> 00:23:56.640
everyone's unhappy and knowing what's going on, and no one

439
00:23:56.640 --> 00:23:58.920
knows who the boss is, and no one knows who

440
00:23:58.920 --> 00:24:01.640
should make a decision, and it's like, so to pull

441
00:24:01.640 --> 00:24:04.839
this all the way back in the first thing that

442
00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:07.519
I learned, and the first thing that I said to

443
00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:11.759
myself was I am I am going to ground myself

444
00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:16.000
in reality, knowing that if I make bad decisions, those

445
00:24:16.079 --> 00:24:21.400
decisions are my fault, because that's reality, right. I made

446
00:24:21.400 --> 00:24:24.480
those decisions. I decided to have too many drinks that night.

447
00:24:24.640 --> 00:24:27.319
I decided to not work on that project till the

448
00:24:27.359 --> 00:24:31.680
last minute I decided to not acknowledge this team member

449
00:24:31.720 --> 00:24:34.640
who did a great job, and now they're feeling, you know,

450
00:24:34.680 --> 00:24:39.480
misunderstood or unheard or not appreciated. Those were my fault,

451
00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:43.400
my responsibility, right, So it was reality first, and then

452
00:24:43.440 --> 00:24:48.440
reality leads to accountability. Accountability leads to responsibility and from there,

453
00:24:49.079 --> 00:24:51.200
now we can launch into the places that that are

454
00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:52.920
actually going to produce real results for us.

455
00:24:54.720 --> 00:24:59.079
So from there you start to work on things like

456
00:24:59.200 --> 00:25:02.400
getting clear on things like how because you you you

457
00:25:02.440 --> 00:25:04.960
walk through those steps and I think that a lot

458
00:25:05.039 --> 00:25:07.759
of that work is required before you can even start

459
00:25:07.799 --> 00:25:11.039
to work on being clear. So when you start to

460
00:25:11.079 --> 00:25:13.440
work on being clear, you know you you, I think

461
00:25:13.839 --> 00:25:18.000
you say, like you, people don't have a potential problem.

462
00:25:18.039 --> 00:25:21.000
They have a clarity problem. So what does that actually

463
00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:22.960
look like in real life? And how do people then

464
00:25:23.759 --> 00:25:26.599
level up past what those other steps and that other

465
00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:27.799
work that we were talking through.

466
00:25:28.440 --> 00:25:32.599
Yeah, not to not to stroke Jordan Peterson too much,

467
00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:34.200
but he has I do have.

468
00:25:34.279 --> 00:25:36.640
His book here somewhere. I was going to look for

469
00:25:36.720 --> 00:25:38.200
and try to grab it out, but I do have

470
00:25:38.279 --> 00:25:40.279
that book, and yeah, it's exact cure.

471
00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:43.920
So he says, he says two things on on. So

472
00:25:44.039 --> 00:25:46.559
I have this phrase. It's written down on a white

473
00:25:46.559 --> 00:25:48.440
board that's in my office, which is in the room

474
00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:51.400
next door. What you focus on is who you become.

475
00:25:52.240 --> 00:25:55.559
And a lot of different versions of that. It's just

476
00:25:55.640 --> 00:25:59.920
the version that I use, short, concise and works for me. Essentially,

477
00:26:01.559 --> 00:26:06.160
the words the origin of the words sin is not negative.

478
00:26:06.319 --> 00:26:09.720
It's to miss your mark. So he says two things

479
00:26:09.720 --> 00:26:12.839
on this particular topic. One, if you have, if you

480
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:16.640
have the option aim up right, don't aim down, don't

481
00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:19.759
aim across, Aim up because if you aim up, even

482
00:26:19.799 --> 00:26:21.640
if you miss, you're going to be in a better

483
00:26:21.640 --> 00:26:22.880
place than you were right.

484
00:26:22.960 --> 00:26:23.599
Aim up.

485
00:26:24.160 --> 00:26:28.000
And to sin is simply to miss the mark. That's

486
00:26:28.039 --> 00:26:31.440
all it is. It's to miss the mark. So that

487
00:26:31.559 --> 00:26:35.319
what that means is you take a shot and you miss.

488
00:26:35.799 --> 00:26:37.839
All that happened was you miss the mark. But keep

489
00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:41.440
shooting right, aim up and keep shooting, but be clear

490
00:26:41.519 --> 00:26:45.039
on the target that you're going after. So I believe,

491
00:26:45.079 --> 00:26:47.759
and this was my fault. Until twenty seventeen, I had

492
00:26:47.759 --> 00:26:50.720
no idea what I was aiming for. I was just more, more,

493
00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:53.920
more social media, flowers, more this, more time, more work,

494
00:26:54.079 --> 00:26:56.759
more more just giving me what I wanted to be

495
00:26:57.119 --> 00:27:00.799
who I actually was, what I stood for. I was

496
00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:03.720
just it was whatever would get me more right, whatever

497
00:27:03.799 --> 00:27:06.839
I need to say, whatever ill. I hate talking about

498
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:09.960
social media tactics, but people would pay me. So are

499
00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:12.519
you to talk about social media tactics? Sure I'll show

500
00:27:12.559 --> 00:27:14.640
up and talk about so. I don't care about it

501
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:18.319
beyond I'm you know, at the time, was relatively good

502
00:27:18.359 --> 00:27:20.319
at it, et cetera. But you know, oh you want

503
00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:21.839
me to talk about this, Sure I'll do that. Oh

504
00:27:21.880 --> 00:27:23.920
you want me to do this consulting gig even though

505
00:27:23.960 --> 00:27:24.599
I can't stand.

506
00:27:24.799 --> 00:27:27.079
Sure, I'll do that. Because more there was no aim.

507
00:27:27.200 --> 00:27:29.759
I was all spread too thin, all over the place,

508
00:27:29.799 --> 00:27:33.640
no idea who I wanted to be? Okay, after twenty

509
00:27:33.680 --> 00:27:38.240
seventeen and I started to learn these ideas, and really

510
00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:41.079
I'd heard some of these things before, but it was

511
00:27:41.319 --> 00:27:43.839
Jordan's work and then many others that when I really

512
00:27:43.880 --> 00:27:48.160
went down this path, that started to frame to say, Okay,

513
00:27:48.279 --> 00:27:50.200
you're going to become the thing that you spend the

514
00:27:50.240 --> 00:27:50.880
most time on.

515
00:27:52.359 --> 00:27:53.599
So what is that then going to be?

516
00:27:54.240 --> 00:27:57.160
If I'm going to be a social media tactics speaker,

517
00:27:57.240 --> 00:27:58.839
then then that's the thing I need to spend time,

518
00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:00.720
except I don't spend time because it's not what I

519
00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:01.079
want to be.

520
00:28:01.119 --> 00:28:01.759
What do I want to be?

521
00:28:01.799 --> 00:28:08.400
Well, I figured out through I started going to therapy

522
00:28:08.440 --> 00:28:11.480
at the same time, and I figured out something about

523
00:28:11.519 --> 00:28:14.640
myself that I kind of knew but could never put

524
00:28:14.640 --> 00:28:16.240
my finger on, which was.

525
00:28:17.960 --> 00:28:22.880
I've never gotten satisfaction out of my own achievements.

526
00:28:23.279 --> 00:28:29.559
I feel the most satisfaction in supporting or helping or

527
00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:32.440
guiding others to their achievements.

528
00:28:32.519 --> 00:28:34.000
That's where when I sit back and.

529
00:28:33.960 --> 00:28:38.519
I see, say, there's a guy in the insurance industry

530
00:28:38.559 --> 00:28:40.519
who's doing really well in the speaking circuit.

531
00:28:40.599 --> 00:28:43.400
Insurance industry is my native industry for those listening.

532
00:28:45.680 --> 00:28:48.839
And when he first he did his first gig and

533
00:28:48.839 --> 00:28:51.359
he wasn't real happy with it whatever, and I had

534
00:28:51.359 --> 00:28:54.000
been speaking for a while. He called me and we

535
00:28:54.079 --> 00:28:57.799
started working through and talking about what did he really

536
00:28:57.799 --> 00:28:59.160
want to be? Who did he want to be, Who

537
00:28:59.160 --> 00:29:02.079
did he want to be on, What was the energy presence,

538
00:29:02.839 --> 00:29:05.039
What was the performance that he wanted to give, What

539
00:29:05.119 --> 00:29:09.119
was the outcome that he wanted the audience members to experience?

540
00:29:09.119 --> 00:29:11.559
What were the emotions he crushes?

541
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:14.920
Now now it was his work, right, I would like

542
00:29:15.279 --> 00:29:17.160
you know hopefully I guided him in this path, but

543
00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:22.720
it's his work. Watching him today, I would rather he

544
00:29:22.759 --> 00:29:24.839
gets the great gig and dominates and see him do

545
00:29:24.920 --> 00:29:29.559
amazing than necessarily myself, because I'm so happy for him

546
00:29:29.640 --> 00:29:32.000
and feel so much satisfaction in helping him get there.

547
00:29:32.039 --> 00:29:34.400
So once I learned that part about myself, and that

548
00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:37.160
will be different for everybody that's just me, then I

549
00:29:37.160 --> 00:29:40.519
can start saying, well, what is the work that allows

550
00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:43.720
me to do that thing? If I know my passion,

551
00:29:43.720 --> 00:29:45.839
what I could show up every day is supporting and

552
00:29:45.880 --> 00:29:48.440
being of service to others, then how do I start

553
00:29:48.440 --> 00:29:51.599
to build my life towards that? And then every decision

554
00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:56.599
from that point was does this help me serve others?

555
00:29:57.000 --> 00:29:59.240
Does this help me serve.

556
00:30:01.599 --> 00:30:05.680
Men who have stagnated in their career, given up on

557
00:30:05.720 --> 00:30:08.480
their lives, are not the husbands or not the fathers

558
00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:10.400
that they want to be, that are not the leaders

559
00:30:10.440 --> 00:30:12.799
that they want to be right, that feel this sense

560
00:30:12.799 --> 00:30:16.319
of frustration and regret and pain, and are thus not

561
00:30:16.519 --> 00:30:19.680
the positive community members, not the positive influences on the

562
00:30:19.680 --> 00:30:21.839
people around them they should be right.

563
00:30:21.960 --> 00:30:27.759
So now every decision moves me towards that thing, because

564
00:30:27.799 --> 00:30:30.559
I have clarity and focus on it. And when someone

565
00:30:30.599 --> 00:30:32.920
comes to me with, hey, we'd love you to come speak.

566
00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:34.599
About social media tactics, I can be like, I very

567
00:30:34.680 --> 00:30:36.680
much appreciate it and thank you, but no, that's not me,

568
00:30:37.400 --> 00:30:40.759
and that took me a long time to get there.

569
00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:43.079
Today I feel very dialed on that. I feel very

570
00:30:43.119 --> 00:30:44.799
confident in what my mission is on how I show

571
00:30:44.880 --> 00:30:50.119
up every day. But man beforehand, like today versus you know,

572
00:30:50.160 --> 00:30:53.480
the day before I collapsed in twenty seventeen, I was

573
00:30:53.519 --> 00:30:57.720
a mailstream. I was an absolute disaster. Even though outwardly

574
00:30:57.759 --> 00:31:00.920
people would have said I was very successful, internally I

575
00:31:01.000 --> 00:31:01.240
was not.

576
00:31:03.279 --> 00:31:06.880
So I resonate a lot with what you said, and

577
00:31:07.119 --> 00:31:10.839
the thing that I heard in a word was impact

578
00:31:11.000 --> 00:31:14.559
and that being a really important kind of almost like

579
00:31:14.599 --> 00:31:17.839
a core value part of your mission. And one of

580
00:31:17.839 --> 00:31:19.519
the things one of the ways that you bring that

581
00:31:19.559 --> 00:31:24.640
to life for people is with your becoming undeniable work.

582
00:31:26.640 --> 00:31:29.599
We can't go deep on it right now, but we

583
00:31:29.680 --> 00:31:34.039
can scratch the surface for some folks that need to start,

584
00:31:34.200 --> 00:31:37.960
like they're at that twenty seventeen version of you, and

585
00:31:38.000 --> 00:31:42.519
they need to get they can't get to hear tomorrow.

586
00:31:42.720 --> 00:31:46.359
But what is the first thing what is something simple

587
00:31:47.000 --> 00:31:51.720
and replicable in one move, one idea that you can

588
00:31:51.839 --> 00:31:54.680
tell us or share with us about how you start

589
00:31:54.720 --> 00:31:57.920
to take that step and how you become undeniable.

590
00:31:58.359 --> 00:32:02.799
Gotcham, I'll give it. Give you guys. An acronym. It's PEAK. PEAK.

591
00:32:03.519 --> 00:32:06.359
It stands for presence, energy, awareness, and calibration with a

592
00:32:06.440 --> 00:32:08.599
K because I didn't want to spell peak.

593
00:32:08.359 --> 00:32:08.640
With a C.

594
00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:18.480
So when I find myself in a moment where when

595
00:32:18.519 --> 00:32:25.279
I find those feelings of dissatisfaction, disorientation, frustration, maybe even

596
00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:30.440
a bit of anger, regret, self doubt, I just walk

597
00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:31.640
myself through this exercise.

598
00:32:32.240 --> 00:32:33.039
Am I present?

599
00:32:33.119 --> 00:32:34.599
So it starts with p am I present? Am I

600
00:32:34.640 --> 00:32:36.640
present right now? Or am I living in the future

601
00:32:36.680 --> 00:32:39.440
of the past? Okay, if I'm living in the future,

602
00:32:40.559 --> 00:32:42.599
I'm most likely saying why don't I have this?

603
00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:45.359
Why am I not this thing? If I'm living in.

604
00:32:45.319 --> 00:32:49.720
The past, it's regret, right, it's I should have, you know,

605
00:32:49.799 --> 00:32:52.559
I wish I would have if only's, Oh my god,

606
00:32:52.599 --> 00:32:56.440
if only's destroy more quality thoughts than anything else.

607
00:32:56.880 --> 00:32:58.160
Right, Am I present in this moment?

608
00:32:58.160 --> 00:33:01.599
Because when we're present, it's very tough to be dissatisfied, frustrated,

609
00:33:01.640 --> 00:33:03.680
or angry when we're present in the moment, because when

610
00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:06.440
we're present in the moment, we're taking in the experience

611
00:33:06.480 --> 00:33:09.559
that we're having. Right We're interacting with the world right now.

612
00:33:09.640 --> 00:33:11.759
We're not allowing our brain. I don't know if you've

613
00:33:11.799 --> 00:33:15.400
ever read The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, but I

614
00:33:15.480 --> 00:33:17.079
believe that we are not our brain, and we are

615
00:33:17.119 --> 00:33:17.680
not our body.

616
00:33:17.720 --> 00:33:18.599
We are our soul.

617
00:33:18.960 --> 00:33:21.119
And when we are not, when we are present, we

618
00:33:21.160 --> 00:33:23.759
are living in our soul and understanding that our brain

619
00:33:23.799 --> 00:33:25.480
and our body are just vessels to connect with this

620
00:33:25.519 --> 00:33:26.400
plane of reality.

621
00:33:26.680 --> 00:33:27.240
Right, but we are.

622
00:33:27.359 --> 00:33:29.640
So we're here right now. I'm here with you. I'm

623
00:33:29.640 --> 00:33:32.519
watching your body as it reacts to the words I'm saying. Right,

624
00:33:32.839 --> 00:33:35.240
I'm present in this moment. I'm not thinking about things

625
00:33:35.279 --> 00:33:37.119
I have to do later today. I'm not thinking about

626
00:33:37.160 --> 00:33:40.240
what happened this morning. I'm right here with you and present.

627
00:33:40.480 --> 00:33:43.400
Very tough to be dissatisfied in the present moment because

628
00:33:43.400 --> 00:33:48.680
you're operating, you're living, connecting. Okay, am I present? What

629
00:33:48.799 --> 00:33:52.359
is my energy level? Am I low energy? Or am

630
00:33:52.359 --> 00:33:55.079
I high energy? If I came into this call with

631
00:33:55.119 --> 00:33:58.039
you and I was low energy, then my expectation cannot

632
00:33:58.039 --> 00:34:00.599
be that I'm going to give my best performance right

633
00:34:00.640 --> 00:34:02.359
because I'm low energy right right now, and it's okay.

634
00:34:02.440 --> 00:34:04.799
We all cycle through different level Sometimes you're low energy

635
00:34:04.839 --> 00:34:07.319
and you did nothing wrong, it's okay. But when we

636
00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:14.440
understand what our energy level is, we can respond appropriately awareness.

637
00:34:14.880 --> 00:34:18.159
What is happening around you? Are you aware of your

638
00:34:18.199 --> 00:34:21.360
position and what reality is in this exact moment? And

639
00:34:21.360 --> 00:34:23.480
then finally, we need to have a simple way of

640
00:34:23.480 --> 00:34:26.079
recalibrating back to where we want to be.

641
00:34:26.360 --> 00:34:27.760
So for me, that's the.

642
00:34:30.039 --> 00:34:33.840
Serenity prayer. So everyone can have a mantra. It could

643
00:34:33.840 --> 00:34:36.039
be Buddhist, it could be whatever works for you. There's

644
00:34:36.119 --> 00:34:39.039
literally no right or wrong answer to whatever your recalibration is.

645
00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:41.599
So what will happen is I'll sit down and be like,

646
00:34:41.639 --> 00:34:42.320
am I present?

647
00:34:42.480 --> 00:34:44.559
Nah Man? I've been thinking about all this crap. I

648
00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:46.000
have to do this afternoon all day.

649
00:34:46.880 --> 00:34:49.519
So instead of thinking about the call them on, the sales,

650
00:34:49.559 --> 00:34:52.280
call them on, or thinking about this podcast, or thinking

651
00:34:52.320 --> 00:34:55.119
about something I need to create or etc. All I'm

652
00:34:55.119 --> 00:34:57.559
doing is thinking about the future. Okay, come back in,

653
00:34:57.760 --> 00:35:00.480
be present. Okay, where's my energy level? Got a good

654
00:35:00.559 --> 00:35:03.840
night's sleep? Fairly high energy. Okay, that one's good awareness.

655
00:35:04.119 --> 00:35:07.119
Write what's going on? Where am I right now? Am

656
00:35:07.159 --> 00:35:11.159
I in a good place? Where's my mental feeling some regret?

657
00:35:11.199 --> 00:35:11.519
Okay?

658
00:35:11.599 --> 00:35:14.360
Let me settle myself and recalibrate back to the center.

659
00:35:14.920 --> 00:35:17.360
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I

660
00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:19.320
cannot change, the courage to change the things I can,

661
00:35:19.400 --> 00:35:20.960
in the wisdom to understand the difference.

662
00:35:21.079 --> 00:35:23.480
And I'll say that two, three, four times to myself.

663
00:35:23.480 --> 00:35:26.840
And once I'm done right, I'm now at least back

664
00:35:26.880 --> 00:35:30.320
to a place where I'm not spiraling. Once I get

665
00:35:30.360 --> 00:35:32.840
back to a place where my heart's not maybe pounding,

666
00:35:32.960 --> 00:35:36.000
I'm not feeling as much anxiety, I'm a little more calibrated.

667
00:35:36.599 --> 00:35:39.280
Now I have a clear mind to actually start to

668
00:35:39.360 --> 00:35:42.280
understand how to fix more of the systemic problems. Because

669
00:35:43.159 --> 00:35:45.559
we can't get to fixing the systemic problems if we're

670
00:35:45.599 --> 00:35:48.360
constantly on this runaway spiral. We have to be able

671
00:35:48.400 --> 00:35:52.760
to recalibrate ourselves back to center. So by understanding our presence,

672
00:35:52.840 --> 00:35:55.639
our energy and awareness for the moment, and having a

673
00:35:55.679 --> 00:35:58.719
simple way of recalibrating right, we can get back to

674
00:35:58.760 --> 00:36:02.239
that place and catch our before we spiral off the planet.

675
00:36:02.519 --> 00:36:03.840
Right, that's kind of phase one.

676
00:36:03.880 --> 00:36:07.559
That's like your your triage, your your your battlefield triage

677
00:36:07.920 --> 00:36:11.599
of having a way of not allowing yourself to waste

678
00:36:11.639 --> 00:36:16.199
an entire day because you got a text message from

679
00:36:16.519 --> 00:36:19.199
you know, your your parent who's bugging the crap out

680
00:36:19.199 --> 00:36:21.280
of you for something, who just told you something that

681
00:36:21.320 --> 00:36:22.960
frustrated the heck out of you, and now all of

682
00:36:22.960 --> 00:36:26.840
a sudden, you're completely spinning off and you're missing all

683
00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:28.320
the things that you need to do for that day.

684
00:36:28.320 --> 00:36:30.679
Because what's gonna end up happening is you spend all

685
00:36:30.679 --> 00:36:32.719
this time thinking about things that didn't impact your day.

686
00:36:32.719 --> 00:36:34.440
You're gonna get to the end of the day and

687
00:36:34.480 --> 00:36:36.679
you're gonna have even more regret because you're gonna feel

688
00:36:36.679 --> 00:36:39.840
like you've wasted eight hours. And now the negativity is

689
00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:42.280
compounding on itself. So the first thing we need to

690
00:36:42.360 --> 00:36:45.920
have is and again, peak is what I use is

691
00:36:45.960 --> 00:36:49.719
a simple process that this is. This is ninety seconds, guys.

692
00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:52.039
I'm not talking about sit down, cross your legs and

693
00:36:52.159 --> 00:36:52.679
kumbay a.

694
00:36:53.239 --> 00:36:53.480
Right.

695
00:36:53.719 --> 00:36:55.960
This is a I'm sitting at my desk. I'm in

696
00:36:56.000 --> 00:36:58.519
the middle of a zoom call, right, and maybe I

697
00:36:58.559 --> 00:37:01.039
turned my monitor off for quick sec even though I'm

698
00:37:01.039 --> 00:37:02.679
still listening, and I just sit there for a sec.

699
00:37:03.760 --> 00:37:07.760
Become present, you know, say you say your recalibration, feel

700
00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:10.559
your energy come back, be more aware of your surroundings.

701
00:37:10.559 --> 00:37:12.199
Turn your camera back on, and now you're back to go.

702
00:37:12.280 --> 00:37:14.559
Now you're not spiraling off. I will get back to

703
00:37:14.719 --> 00:37:16.840
that thing. I will respond to that text message. I

704
00:37:16.840 --> 00:37:18.639
will deal with that email when it's time to deal

705
00:37:18.679 --> 00:37:20.639
with it. Let me get through my day, let me

706
00:37:20.639 --> 00:37:23.480
handle this thing right now. If we can keep ourselves

707
00:37:23.519 --> 00:37:26.559
from spinning off the planet, we can address the bigger issues.

708
00:37:26.639 --> 00:37:30.400
But if we're constantly chasing that thing, constantly out ahead

709
00:37:30.440 --> 00:37:35.400
of ourselves and unaware and un present, then we almost

710
00:37:35.400 --> 00:37:36.039
have no chance.

711
00:37:36.119 --> 00:37:38.960
So it's fixed. It's have a simple tool, right.

712
00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:42.559
This is to have a simple tool for recalibrating yourself

713
00:37:42.599 --> 00:37:45.360
and getting yourself back to being present in the moment.

714
00:37:45.800 --> 00:37:47.360
And you'll find even.

715
00:37:47.199 --> 00:37:48.639
If you have to do it three four times during

716
00:37:48.639 --> 00:37:52.039
the day, Right, that's okay. It's not meant to fix

717
00:37:52.079 --> 00:37:54.639
all your problems. It's meant to keep you from spiraling

718
00:37:54.719 --> 00:37:55.679
and losing more time.

719
00:37:56.960 --> 00:37:59.920
I'll tell you what I could have used that the

720
00:38:00.280 --> 00:38:04.480
simple tool, like six years ago. I mean, thank you

721
00:38:04.519 --> 00:38:07.519
for that gift, because it was truly a gift, because

722
00:38:08.079 --> 00:38:11.400
I think that it's easy to remember. It's I think

723
00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:13.239
you can walk through it, you know, like you said,

724
00:38:13.280 --> 00:38:17.559
like ninety seconds or so, and it's simple enough that

725
00:38:17.639 --> 00:38:20.400
I think, you know, you could use it seventeen times

726
00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:23.440
in a day, and darn it, I probably will.

727
00:38:24.159 --> 00:38:27.960
So sometimes you need to write, and that's okay, I

728
00:38:27.960 --> 00:38:32.480
think not to jump in, but I think what you

729
00:38:32.559 --> 00:38:37.119
just said is really important. Like I've done a tremendous

730
00:38:37.119 --> 00:38:40.960
amount of work on myself, tremendous, and I every day

731
00:38:41.079 --> 00:38:43.320
is still a battle like and again this goes back

732
00:38:43.320 --> 00:38:46.639
to living in reality. Like my expectation is no longer

733
00:38:46.639 --> 00:38:48.960
than every that any day is going to be perfect.

734
00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:51.320
There's no such I don't even expect to have a

735
00:38:51.360 --> 00:38:54.239
perfect day. If a day goes amazingly well and I

736
00:38:54.280 --> 00:38:56.679
find myself on a beach with a drink, you know,

737
00:38:56.920 --> 00:38:58.880
next to someone that I love, having a great time

738
00:38:58.920 --> 00:39:02.960
staring at the ocean. Weather's beautiful, that's amazing. I love

739
00:39:03.039 --> 00:39:06.599
that just like anyone else does. But that's not my expectation.

740
00:39:06.840 --> 00:39:10.480
My expectation, right is that the day is going to

741
00:39:10.639 --> 00:39:11.760
have really good points.

742
00:39:11.960 --> 00:39:13.360
It's gonna have messy points.

743
00:39:13.480 --> 00:39:15.400
There are gonna be days that are just all mess

744
00:39:15.480 --> 00:39:16.920
there are gonna be days that are all amazing.

745
00:39:17.239 --> 00:39:20.079
And my goal is to stay as focused as I.

746
00:39:20.000 --> 00:39:22.639
Can on the thing that I that that that is

747
00:39:22.679 --> 00:39:27.079
my purpose and my meaning brings me joy, contentment, satisfaction, right,

748
00:39:27.480 --> 00:39:31.519
and just recalibrate back to that whenever I spin off

749
00:39:31.960 --> 00:39:33.960
the fact that you need that that there's a day

750
00:39:34.000 --> 00:39:37.559
where you need to recalibrate seventeen times is there's nothing

751
00:39:37.639 --> 00:39:38.599
wrong with you.

752
00:39:38.159 --> 00:39:41.559
You're not broken. Your life isn't a problem. You're not

753
00:39:41.639 --> 00:39:42.159
a mess.

754
00:39:42.199 --> 00:39:44.599
I hate when people have negative self talk around Oh

755
00:39:44.639 --> 00:39:46.000
my love, I'm just a mess.

756
00:39:46.360 --> 00:39:49.480
No, you just you just you just haven't you haven't

757
00:39:49.519 --> 00:39:50.119
been taught the.

758
00:39:50.079 --> 00:39:53.880
Tools yet to to help pull yourself back in, because

759
00:39:54.360 --> 00:39:58.559
everybody feels this every day. So and I can say

760
00:39:58.559 --> 00:40:02.039
that for certainty because I'm twenty seventeen. By all ourward measures,

761
00:40:02.039 --> 00:40:03.920
people would have said that my life was this massive

762
00:40:03.960 --> 00:40:09.079
success and I felt terrible about myself. So it's okay

763
00:40:09.079 --> 00:40:11.880
to have those feelings, but we need be a little

764
00:40:11.880 --> 00:40:14.840
more focused and start to develop the tools to bring

765
00:40:14.840 --> 00:40:15.599
ourselves back in.

766
00:40:15.679 --> 00:40:17.639
But just because you have one moment during the day.

767
00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:19.719
You're not wrong, you're not broken, you're not a mess,

768
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:21.360
there's nothing wrong with you.

769
00:40:21.360 --> 00:40:23.599
You're just a human being. And that's what reality looks like.

770
00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:30.360
Wow, Like, I yes, and I want to know, because

771
00:40:30.400 --> 00:40:32.960
I know we're not focused on the past, right, but

772
00:40:33.119 --> 00:40:35.199
I do want to know. Like, what would you tell

773
00:40:35.599 --> 00:40:38.199
twenty two year old Ryan if you could.

774
00:40:40.400 --> 00:40:43.159
Take more risks? I played it very safe early in

775
00:40:43.199 --> 00:40:43.599
my life.

776
00:40:44.679 --> 00:40:47.280
I have a weird My life has had a very

777
00:40:47.320 --> 00:40:49.719
weird journey, and weird, I should say weird.

778
00:40:50.039 --> 00:40:50.519
I find it.

779
00:40:50.800 --> 00:40:52.920
I use the word weird just to mean interesting. So

780
00:40:53.159 --> 00:40:56.119
take that vernacular for what it is. I sometimes we will.

781
00:40:55.960 --> 00:40:58.519
Share it with us, tell us, tell us the weird story.

782
00:40:58.559 --> 00:41:00.000
I want to hear it. And I think you can

783
00:41:00.079 --> 00:41:01.800
news whatever word you need to. So.

784
00:41:01.840 --> 00:41:05.960
I grew up in a very poor, very small town

785
00:41:06.079 --> 00:41:07.960
in the middle of nowhere in upstate New York, in

786
00:41:07.960 --> 00:41:10.360
the woods, and we used to say you could leave

787
00:41:10.400 --> 00:41:12.320
the doors open at night because the criminals lived in

788
00:41:12.360 --> 00:41:12.679
our town.

789
00:41:12.679 --> 00:41:13.880
They didn't rob in our town.

790
00:41:14.679 --> 00:41:18.840
And I remember, as early as age twelve walking from

791
00:41:18.960 --> 00:41:20.599
my house to a friend's house and I had a

792
00:41:20.639 --> 00:41:23.039
very distinct moment. There was one there one street light

793
00:41:23.079 --> 00:41:24.679
in the middle of town, and I lived in town,

794
00:41:25.519 --> 00:41:29.000
and I was walking and I remember looking at there's

795
00:41:29.079 --> 00:41:32.360
three gas stations around this at the street light, and

796
00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:33.880
those are the only businesses in the whole town.

797
00:41:34.760 --> 00:41:38.440
And I remember walking through, going.

798
00:41:38.519 --> 00:41:41.280
I got to get out of here, like this can't

799
00:41:41.320 --> 00:41:43.599
be my life, Like this can't.

800
00:41:43.280 --> 00:41:43.920
Be my life.

801
00:41:44.000 --> 00:41:46.800
Like I got to figure it out. And I became

802
00:41:46.920 --> 00:41:51.039
very entrepreneurial. I would collect bottles. I would wake up

803
00:41:51.079 --> 00:41:54.400
at five point thirty every morning and walk the streets

804
00:41:54.440 --> 00:41:56.920
of my town collecting bottles out of the recycling bin.

805
00:41:57.039 --> 00:41:58.519
So I could make forty bucks a week.

806
00:41:58.599 --> 00:42:00.920
Right, I mean we were port this is what we were,

807
00:42:01.400 --> 00:42:05.719
and uh, you know, got job. I started working at thirteen.

808
00:42:05.760 --> 00:42:08.800
I've worked since I'm thirteen years old, through high school,

809
00:42:08.800 --> 00:42:09.239
through college.

810
00:42:09.280 --> 00:42:10.800
I've always had a job since I was thirteen.

811
00:42:12.199 --> 00:42:15.679
I became dedicated to school because I saw grades as

812
00:42:15.719 --> 00:42:17.760
one way of getting out of this town. I became

813
00:42:17.800 --> 00:42:21.760
dedicated to sports. I played college baseball because that was

814
00:42:21.800 --> 00:42:23.000
another way to get out of this town.

815
00:42:23.039 --> 00:42:26.199
Right, So I had I took risks, I pushed.

816
00:42:25.920 --> 00:42:32.519
Every ap class like and then I graduated college and

817
00:42:32.559 --> 00:42:36.800
it was like I forgot what got me there, and

818
00:42:36.840 --> 00:42:39.639
it was I went to I need to get a

819
00:42:39.760 --> 00:42:42.199
job with a big company and a salary and a

820
00:42:42.239 --> 00:42:45.239
four to oh one k and health benefits and I

821
00:42:45.320 --> 00:42:47.679
need to have the security of a big company. And

822
00:42:47.719 --> 00:42:49.880
I went to work for this company in Washington, d

823
00:42:49.960 --> 00:42:53.360
c Rsmagladery, which is a large accounting firm. At the time,

824
00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:54.800
they were the fifth largest in the country. I have

825
00:42:54.800 --> 00:42:56.880
no idea where they are now. And there's nothing wrong

826
00:42:56.920 --> 00:42:59.400
with Arsema Gladua. Perfectly find people treating me great, so

827
00:42:59.519 --> 00:43:00.920
not knock on them.

828
00:43:01.519 --> 00:43:04.079
But it was just very safe.

829
00:43:04.320 --> 00:43:08.159
It was very boring for me. For me personally, I

830
00:43:08.239 --> 00:43:10.480
wasn't an accountant. I was a math major, so I

831
00:43:10.519 --> 00:43:12.639
was like in a consultant there. Essentially, I was like

832
00:43:12.679 --> 00:43:15.119
an interpreter for the nerds because I kind of knew numbers,

833
00:43:15.119 --> 00:43:18.000
but I also knew people, so I like was like

834
00:43:18.039 --> 00:43:21.079
the guy that they would talk to to communicate with

835
00:43:21.119 --> 00:43:23.480
the accounting nerds translah.

836
00:43:23.559 --> 00:43:26.800
Yeah. And I hated every second of it.

837
00:43:26.840 --> 00:43:29.480
I worked there for four years and it was nothing again,

838
00:43:29.519 --> 00:43:31.519
nothing against our scene glad I hated every second of it,

839
00:43:31.519 --> 00:43:33.880
and I was like, well, maybe it's maybe it's this company,

840
00:43:34.039 --> 00:43:36.519
so then I were and work for American Express and

841
00:43:36.880 --> 00:43:41.000
worked on the seventeenth floor of man I think it

842
00:43:41.079 --> 00:43:44.039
was World Trade Center three was the one that didn't fall.

843
00:43:44.679 --> 00:43:46.920
I had to walk by the hole every day, which

844
00:43:46.960 --> 00:43:49.519
was depressing, but.

845
00:43:51.079 --> 00:43:54.840
Same same scenario, perfectly fine job, perfectly find people, perfectly

846
00:43:54.840 --> 00:43:55.519
find company.

847
00:43:55.760 --> 00:43:59.519
Hated every second of it. And I played this very safe.

848
00:43:59.519 --> 00:44:01.480
And then I went into insurance and I was very

849
00:44:01.519 --> 00:44:03.119
safe and everything was safe and it.

850
00:44:03.119 --> 00:44:05.199
Was and I was miserable.

851
00:44:05.719 --> 00:44:11.760
And it wasn't until again, you know, twenty seventeen that

852
00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:16.639
I had that moment of just like a large part

853
00:44:16.639 --> 00:44:18.199
of that. I think what I was feeling at that

854
00:44:18.239 --> 00:44:21.239
time was I felt like I was capable of so more,

855
00:44:21.480 --> 00:44:25.559
so much, so much more, and like that's why I

856
00:44:25.639 --> 00:44:27.239
was just grabbing at everything.

857
00:44:27.239 --> 00:44:28.960
It was like it was like a rubber band.

858
00:44:29.000 --> 00:44:31.239
After having played it safe for almost a decade up

859
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:34.559
to twenty seventeen, it was like a rubber band snapping

860
00:44:34.599 --> 00:44:36.800
forward like I played it safe for so long.

861
00:44:37.119 --> 00:44:38.239
Then I started to get this.

862
00:44:38.239 --> 00:44:40.519
Little bit of notoriety and people wanted to know what

863
00:44:40.599 --> 00:44:42.519
I thought, and they asked me on podcasts and asked

864
00:44:42.559 --> 00:44:44.239
me to speak and it was just like, oh, this

865
00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:47.960
is my chance, let's go And if I felt I

866
00:44:48.000 --> 00:44:49.519
feel like if I could go back to twenty two

867
00:44:49.599 --> 00:44:51.760
year old version of me and if I had started,

868
00:44:51.840 --> 00:44:54.440
if I if I had focused more on taking the

869
00:44:54.559 --> 00:44:56.880
risk to live the life that I wanted, which I

870
00:44:56.920 --> 00:44:58.840
always wanted to be a performer. I always wanted to

871
00:44:58.840 --> 00:45:01.480
help people. I love being out on stage. I love

872
00:45:01.559 --> 00:45:04.239
being I love telling stories and I love telling jokes.

873
00:45:04.280 --> 00:45:07.599
I love this right commun communication. If I had gone

874
00:45:07.599 --> 00:45:11.440
into that thing, then even though it would have been

875
00:45:11.440 --> 00:45:19.000
more challenging, no safety net, all those things, I believe

876
00:45:19.079 --> 00:45:20.840
I could have worked through a lot of those issues

877
00:45:20.840 --> 00:45:22.480
and I wouldn't have had to have a moment where

878
00:45:22.519 --> 00:45:25.079
I collapse with two small children, you know what I

879
00:45:25.079 --> 00:45:27.440
mean at home and a spouse who doesn't want to

880
00:45:27.440 --> 00:45:29.320
talk to me because she hasn't seen me in months

881
00:45:29.320 --> 00:45:31.239
because I've been on the road, and all these kind

882
00:45:31.280 --> 00:45:34.000
of things, right, Like, so I would love to go

883
00:45:34.039 --> 00:45:40.159
back and tell that guy, like, whether you're you know,

884
00:45:40.239 --> 00:45:42.119
everyone's like every yeah. I hate when people are like,

885
00:45:42.199 --> 00:45:45.119
or go back and tell my younger self like everything's

886
00:45:45.119 --> 00:45:46.760
going to be okay. I don't freaking know if everything

887
00:45:46.800 --> 00:45:49.000
was going to be okay, right, but I think I

888
00:45:49.039 --> 00:45:52.039
would have enjoyed that life more. You know, for a

889
00:45:52.079 --> 00:45:54.360
decade of my life post college, I didn't enjoy it.

890
00:45:54.440 --> 00:45:56.960
I didn't enjoy my life. I didn't enjoy it. I

891
00:45:57.000 --> 00:46:00.440
was living this version that I thought I would supposed

892
00:46:00.480 --> 00:46:02.679
to because I went to a top thirty school. I

893
00:46:02.719 --> 00:46:05.119
went to Universus Rochester, and when you come out of there,

894
00:46:05.159 --> 00:46:07.039
you go get a big job with a big company,

895
00:46:07.039 --> 00:46:09.880
and that's what you do. And you know, and that's

896
00:46:09.880 --> 00:46:12.320
not me, That's never been me. And I knew that

897
00:46:12.400 --> 00:46:14.440
wasn't me, that wasn't the me that got me to

898
00:46:14.519 --> 00:46:18.800
that moment. And I allowed myself to believe the lie,

899
00:46:19.119 --> 00:46:22.679
not living in reality, that I could change who I

900
00:46:22.840 --> 00:46:25.719
was because that's who I was supposed to be. And

901
00:46:27.079 --> 00:46:30.400
you know, probably my biggest regret in life is that

902
00:46:31.000 --> 00:46:32.760
I allow myself to believe that narrative.

903
00:46:34.679 --> 00:46:37.239
We've all been there, though, Like we've all chosen that

904
00:46:37.400 --> 00:46:41.320
safety over taking the risk, and sometimes it's forced, and

905
00:46:41.360 --> 00:46:44.920
sometimes we choose it either way. It's not always easy

906
00:46:45.079 --> 00:46:47.599
to decide, you know what, Actually, I'm not going to

907
00:46:47.679 --> 00:46:49.800
be safe anymore. I'm going to try the scary, big

908
00:46:49.840 --> 00:46:51.880
thing that scares the crap out of me like starting

909
00:46:51.880 --> 00:46:54.840
a podcast that nobody, you know, nobody knows about right

910
00:46:54.880 --> 00:46:58.679
now when I am currently unemployed in making zero dollars,

911
00:46:59.039 --> 00:47:01.480
I'm going to do the thing. And you know, it's

912
00:47:01.760 --> 00:47:05.559
it's scary, it's absolutely scary, and so so so what

913
00:47:05.639 --> 00:47:09.199
I heard you say so worth it. And you know,

914
00:47:10.239 --> 00:47:12.599
you avoid that regret then and you avoid you know,

915
00:47:12.639 --> 00:47:16.119
but and what I heard you say without saying these

916
00:47:16.159 --> 00:47:20.199
words is that you are living in alignment now and

917
00:47:20.239 --> 00:47:24.679
you were living in disalignment before misalignment whatever the proper

918
00:47:24.719 --> 00:47:28.599
English is. But that's powerful, Like, and I want to

919
00:47:29.159 --> 00:47:32.760
encourage anybody that's like the listening or watching to know

920
00:47:32.840 --> 00:47:35.719
that it's a decision you get to make today. You

921
00:47:35.719 --> 00:47:39.199
can decide to figure out who you are right now

922
00:47:39.280 --> 00:47:43.960
today and use that information to direct your path and start,

923
00:47:44.079 --> 00:47:47.000
you know, work through the peak and just work through

924
00:47:47.119 --> 00:47:50.559
all of those things that mean they may they may

925
00:47:50.599 --> 00:47:52.840
be scary, but you do it anyway because then you

926
00:47:52.880 --> 00:47:55.760
don't have that regret. So thank you for sharing that

927
00:47:55.760 --> 00:47:58.840
that whole story. And you did light up a little

928
00:47:58.880 --> 00:48:00.800
bit when you talked about your two boys, So I

929
00:48:00.840 --> 00:48:03.960
want to know what they've taught you about all this.

930
00:48:04.760 --> 00:48:07.599
Oh my gosh, so.

931
00:48:11.800 --> 00:48:14.239
They're probably the thing that I'm the most proud of

932
00:48:14.239 --> 00:48:17.039
in my life.

933
00:48:17.199 --> 00:48:17.840
I think.

934
00:48:19.920 --> 00:48:23.800
I like being around them. I don't think everyone can

935
00:48:23.840 --> 00:48:27.960
say that about their kids. I think that's another reality.

936
00:48:28.000 --> 00:48:29.559
And it doesn't mean I like them every moment of

937
00:48:29.599 --> 00:48:31.239
every day. I mean, they can be a little shits,

938
00:48:31.320 --> 00:48:36.320
but but seven yeah, oh my gosh, jeez.

939
00:48:38.119 --> 00:48:40.320
I mean they can do things and say things and

940
00:48:40.440 --> 00:48:43.599
just but they also.

941
00:48:46.800 --> 00:48:50.679
They are such a reflection, like our kids are such

942
00:48:50.679 --> 00:48:54.960
a reflection of us, right you You if your kids

943
00:48:55.519 --> 00:48:58.360
are not fun to be around, you made them that way,

944
00:48:59.440 --> 00:49:01.079
you know what I mean. You allowed them to become

945
00:49:01.119 --> 00:49:03.880
that thing. It's one of the beefs that I have.

946
00:49:04.000 --> 00:49:05.800
And I don't mean to go slightly contextual here, but

947
00:49:05.840 --> 00:49:07.360
it's one of the beefs that I have When people

948
00:49:07.400 --> 00:49:13.599
talk talk crap about younger generations, Jen the millennials are

949
00:49:13.599 --> 00:49:16.079
this gen z is this, jen Elfha is this? And

950
00:49:16.119 --> 00:49:19.519
I'm like, how do you think they got that way?

951
00:49:19.639 --> 00:49:21.280
Do you think that you know this like this like

952
00:49:21.440 --> 00:49:24.079
entitlement that everyone's like millennials are entitled? Then, frankly, I

953
00:49:24.079 --> 00:49:26.880
think they are a little entitled. But it's not that

954
00:49:26.960 --> 00:49:29.280
they didn't It's not like they woke up one day

955
00:49:29.280 --> 00:49:32.039
and they're like, I choose to be entitled. That's not

956
00:49:32.199 --> 00:49:36.000
what happened, right, So you know, they were the environment,

957
00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:39.719
the morals, the values, the constructs that were put in

958
00:49:39.800 --> 00:49:43.079
front of them, how they were taught, how they were incentivized. Right,

959
00:49:43.559 --> 00:49:46.800
That's how they got to this place, and and and

960
00:49:46.840 --> 00:49:49.400
that's broad stroking, but but you get my point. I

961
00:49:49.440 --> 00:49:51.119
do so when my kids, what I see is the

962
00:49:51.159 --> 00:49:55.239
ability to say is a constant reminder that I have

963
00:49:55.320 --> 00:49:59.719
a greater responsibility than myself, which is launching them out

964
00:49:59.719 --> 00:50:03.800
into the world, not with the tools to be the

965
00:50:03.880 --> 00:50:05.760
whatever version of them that they choose to be.

966
00:50:06.199 --> 00:50:06.360
Right.

967
00:50:06.400 --> 00:50:08.639
I don't get to dictate their life to them, nor

968
00:50:08.679 --> 00:50:10.719
do I want to dictate their life to them, Nor

969
00:50:10.800 --> 00:50:12.960
do I want them to be reliant on me at

970
00:50:13.039 --> 00:50:14.719
ten and twelve. I don't want them to be reliant

971
00:50:14.760 --> 00:50:16.519
on me. I certainly don't want them to be reliant

972
00:50:16.559 --> 00:50:16.760
on me.

973
00:50:17.079 --> 00:50:20.679
As as adults. So my job and.

974
00:50:20.639 --> 00:50:23.480
The and what I love working with them on is

975
00:50:23.920 --> 00:50:26.840
helping trying to put the building blocks in place for

976
00:50:26.920 --> 00:50:31.039
them to figure out who they are and work towards

977
00:50:31.039 --> 00:50:34.360
becoming that thing. And you know, I think it starts

978
00:50:34.360 --> 00:50:38.800
with our relationship with God, starts with our understanding of family,

979
00:50:38.840 --> 00:50:41.840
of responsibility, of personal accountability, and all these all these

980
00:50:41.840 --> 00:50:49.920
building blocks, now I think, done right, it also forces

981
00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:52.719
us to become the best version of ourselves. So I

982
00:50:52.760 --> 00:50:55.320
see them as a constant reminder that I can never

983
00:50:55.400 --> 00:50:58.559
fall off the path again. Is if my son at

984
00:50:58.599 --> 00:51:05.199
twelve sees me become a lunatic again, where I'm chasing,

985
00:51:05.519 --> 00:51:09.719
you know, chasing opportunities and scatterbrained and you know, missing

986
00:51:09.760 --> 00:51:13.159
baseball games and you know, needing to pop a beer

987
00:51:13.159 --> 00:51:15.639
every night to like, you know, land the ship or

988
00:51:15.639 --> 00:51:17.880
whatever stupid excuse we make for some of these things.

989
00:51:17.880 --> 00:51:23.880
Like that's who he's going to become. Is that who

990
00:51:23.920 --> 00:51:24.840
I want him to become?

991
00:51:25.000 --> 00:51:28.360
Do I want him to become a frustrated, anxiety ridered,

992
00:51:28.440 --> 00:51:32.440
stress induced lunatic who doesn't understand his place in the

993
00:51:32.440 --> 00:51:35.320
world because he saw his father that way?

994
00:51:36.199 --> 00:51:39.679
Like no, right, I see.

995
00:51:39.800 --> 00:51:43.239
My responsibility is to show them as much as I

996
00:51:43.280 --> 00:51:46.880
can and as fallible as I am, the path.

997
00:51:47.440 --> 00:51:49.559
And that keeps me on the path.

998
00:51:49.599 --> 00:51:53.320
And and now certainly my older son and my younger

999
00:51:53.320 --> 00:51:56.360
son's getting there too, he's ten. Now we're stir old enough,

1000
00:51:56.599 --> 00:51:59.119
we're starting to hold ourselves accountable to each other. Right,

1001
00:51:59.159 --> 00:52:02.679
so now old enough to see me do certain things

1002
00:52:02.719 --> 00:52:04.280
and say, Dad, you said you weren't going to do that,

1003
00:52:05.760 --> 00:52:09.360
and and that that level of relationship and connection.

1004
00:52:10.719 --> 00:52:13.119
Is I cherish it more than anything else in my life.

1005
00:52:13.239 --> 00:52:18.079
So you know, I think that I constantly, you know,

1006
00:52:18.199 --> 00:52:22.000
it's a constant reminder that this my life is not mine.

1007
00:52:22.559 --> 00:52:24.199
The day you have children in your life is no

1008
00:52:24.239 --> 00:52:26.239
longer your own, and I think I think that's I

1009
00:52:26.280 --> 00:52:32.960
think this whole narcissistic, secular, materialistic world that we've devised,

1010
00:52:33.000 --> 00:52:35.079
where you have parents who care more about the bling

1011
00:52:35.159 --> 00:52:37.760
on their wrist than the lessons they're teaching their children

1012
00:52:38.199 --> 00:52:44.159
is an absolute travesty, and I think we're doing our

1013
00:52:44.239 --> 00:52:47.840
children a huge disservice. When you decide to have children,

1014
00:52:49.360 --> 00:52:52.440
your life is not your own anymore. It's not it's

1015
00:52:52.480 --> 00:52:53.679
not your own. It never was your own.

1016
00:52:53.760 --> 00:52:54.719
It was always God's.

1017
00:52:54.840 --> 00:52:56.719
But I think that's hard for a lot of people

1018
00:52:56.760 --> 00:53:00.760
to swallow, especially people that are secular. And that's fine.

1019
00:53:01.360 --> 00:53:03.079
You don't have to love God for God to love you.

1020
00:53:03.440 --> 00:53:08.119
But amen, certainly, when you have children, your life is

1021
00:53:08.159 --> 00:53:11.760
not yours. Your Rolex doesn't mean shit. Your ferrari doesn't

1022
00:53:11.800 --> 00:53:15.840
mean anything. What matters is are you building a foundation

1023
00:53:16.199 --> 00:53:18.679
for your children to launch themselves into this world the.

1024
00:53:18.679 --> 00:53:23.239
Most successful way possible? And I don't know.

1025
00:53:23.320 --> 00:53:27.920
It's the greatest challenge of my life. They're frustrating. It

1026
00:53:28.159 --> 00:53:29.920
doesn't matter what you want them to do. They're their

1027
00:53:29.920 --> 00:53:32.199
own people. You could teach them the same lesson a

1028
00:53:32.239 --> 00:53:35.679
thousand times, they still have to learn it themselves. Although

1029
00:53:35.719 --> 00:53:38.360
I did have this funny moment the other day where

1030
00:53:39.000 --> 00:53:40.639
I'm sitting in the car and I don't know, we

1031
00:53:40.679 --> 00:53:43.559
got music going, and we're driving to one of their

1032
00:53:43.639 --> 00:53:47.000
basketball games or whatever, and the younger one said something

1033
00:53:47.039 --> 00:53:49.480
and the older one spins on him, and he's sitting

1034
00:53:49.519 --> 00:53:50.840
in the front. He turns around and looks at the

1035
00:53:50.880 --> 00:53:53.639
younger one and he's like, you know, da da da,

1036
00:53:53.679 --> 00:53:55.719
He says. It's like I'm gonna forget exactly what he

1037
00:53:55.719 --> 00:53:57.719
said today. He hits him with this little ditty right,

1038
00:53:57.760 --> 00:54:01.119
and I was like, ooh, he is listening, like that's

1039
00:54:01.159 --> 00:54:03.440
the stuff I he I would normally say, like you

1040
00:54:03.440 --> 00:54:04.960
know what I mean? It was like some like profound

1041
00:54:04.960 --> 00:54:06.400
thing that I had probably barfed on them like a

1042
00:54:06.400 --> 00:54:09.400
thousand times yes, And I was like, oh, so they

1043
00:54:09.480 --> 00:54:13.599
are listening, okay, and so taking this all the way

1044
00:54:13.719 --> 00:54:21.480
to business life, like like we need like these relationships

1045
00:54:21.599 --> 00:54:24.599
seem natural, This mentor mentee relationship that you would have

1046
00:54:24.679 --> 00:54:28.159
your children seems very natural in a familiar environment. And

1047
00:54:29.360 --> 00:54:31.800
you know, through through the work that I'm doing in

1048
00:54:31.920 --> 00:54:35.800
the podcast and the various things that I do, I'm

1049
00:54:35.840 --> 00:54:39.239
trying to help adults understand as well that that type

1050
00:54:39.280 --> 00:54:44.079
of mentor mentee relationship is just as crucial adult to

1051
00:54:44.159 --> 00:54:48.119
adult as it is adult to child. And we need

1052
00:54:48.159 --> 00:54:52.480
to have mentors and we need to have mentees. And

1053
00:54:53.239 --> 00:54:55.760
you know, there's just this, uh I think it's called

1054
00:54:56.039 --> 00:54:59.119
plus one minus one philosophy, which is we need to

1055
00:54:59.159 --> 00:55:01.679
have one person our lives who is a step ahead

1056
00:55:01.679 --> 00:55:03.159
of us in the place that we want to go,

1057
00:55:03.480 --> 00:55:05.599
and we need to be mentoring one person who's a

1058
00:55:05.599 --> 00:55:10.280
step behind us. And what that creates is an apprenticeship relationship.

1059
00:55:10.320 --> 00:55:12.800
The way that people used to learn how to shoe

1060
00:55:12.840 --> 00:55:18.159
horses in build cathedrals, and you know, basically every job

1061
00:55:18.239 --> 00:55:20.280
up until the last about one hundred and fifty years, right

1062
00:55:20.320 --> 00:55:22.519
has been very much an apprentice relationship. And we need

1063
00:55:22.559 --> 00:55:28.000
to be just as dialed in our mindset, mentorship as

1064
00:55:28.519 --> 00:55:30.039
we are in our craft.

1065
00:55:31.440 --> 00:55:33.599
We have a lot more in common than I realized.

1066
00:55:34.360 --> 00:55:37.719
My boys are ten and twelve, and that same thing

1067
00:55:37.760 --> 00:55:40.519
has happened to me, and it's been really cool. The

1068
00:55:40.840 --> 00:55:43.440
coolest example of it I've already shared on the podcast

1069
00:55:43.480 --> 00:55:44.840
more than once, but I'm going to share it again

1070
00:55:44.840 --> 00:55:47.800
because it's so special to me. It was when we

1071
00:55:47.960 --> 00:55:50.559
were on our way up in a scent of a

1072
00:55:50.599 --> 00:55:53.920
three hundred foot drop on Mako at Sea World, which

1073
00:55:53.960 --> 00:55:57.159
is this like hypercoaster, and the drop is insane, and

1074
00:55:57.880 --> 00:56:00.480
my twelve year old, he was young at the time,

1075
00:56:00.480 --> 00:56:02.559
but my twelve year old goes the whole way out.

1076
00:56:02.599 --> 00:56:04.800
He was so nervous. My ten year old is like

1077
00:56:04.800 --> 00:56:07.360
the brave, reckless one that's had three broken bones and

1078
00:56:07.400 --> 00:56:09.239
burned his face and the whole thing. He's just like

1079
00:56:09.280 --> 00:56:13.440
the He's I'm not worried about his level of pushing boundaries, right.

1080
00:56:13.719 --> 00:56:15.880
The older one is not. He's a little more safe.

1081
00:56:15.880 --> 00:56:18.639
It's a little more you know, nervous. So the whole

1082
00:56:18.639 --> 00:56:20.440
way he was so nervous. And then we're going up

1083
00:56:20.480 --> 00:56:21.880
this thing and he's freaking out.

1084
00:56:21.920 --> 00:56:22.639
He's like We're dying.

1085
00:56:22.679 --> 00:56:23.039
I'm dying.

1086
00:56:23.079 --> 00:56:23.440
I'm dying.

1087
00:56:23.440 --> 00:56:23.800
I'm dying.

1088
00:56:23.840 --> 00:56:26.119
I'm dying the whole way up. And then we got

1089
00:56:26.159 --> 00:56:28.400
to the top three hundred feet in the air and

1090
00:56:28.679 --> 00:56:32.159
or just start dropping and he goes, no, I'm alive

1091
00:56:32.599 --> 00:56:36.239
the whole way down, and I was like, oh, they listen.

1092
00:56:36.840 --> 00:56:40.119
Like that mindset shift of like choosing excitement over fear

1093
00:56:40.480 --> 00:56:43.119
happened in real time in that moment. I was so grateful.

1094
00:56:43.159 --> 00:56:45.119
So I love when we have those moments as parents,

1095
00:56:45.159 --> 00:56:48.320
when our kids show us that they are listening. Sometimes

1096
00:56:48.320 --> 00:56:50.760
I don't love it because it's like, oh, shoot, they're listening,

1097
00:56:51.039 --> 00:56:53.840
but also yes, we love it because yes, they're listening.

1098
00:56:54.079 --> 00:56:55.840
So it's just it was it was cool to hear

1099
00:56:55.840 --> 00:56:57.880
you talk through all that because I was hearing myself,

1100
00:56:57.960 --> 00:57:00.519
and that's I took a guess with your it's ages

1101
00:57:00.559 --> 00:57:03.599
with the six seven reference, but I'm spot on, and

1102
00:57:04.280 --> 00:57:06.800
you know, it's just it's really cool. So I know

1103
00:57:06.920 --> 00:57:08.800
your time is precious and I'm so grateful. I have

1104
00:57:08.880 --> 00:57:10.559
one more question, and I do want you to talk

1105
00:57:10.599 --> 00:57:13.000
through your podcast and all the exciting things that you're doing,

1106
00:57:13.000 --> 00:57:15.400
but well, two more questions is that, Okay, do you

1107
00:57:15.440 --> 00:57:19.599
have time, Yeah, I do. Okay do you mentioned music

1108
00:57:19.599 --> 00:57:21.159
in the car with your sons and that made me

1109
00:57:21.199 --> 00:57:23.039
happy because music is one of my tools in my

1110
00:57:23.079 --> 00:57:25.039
tool belt that I used to build my unreal life.

1111
00:57:25.559 --> 00:57:27.519
What is your song of survival? Do you have a

1112
00:57:27.519 --> 00:57:29.639
song that you go to in a moment when you're

1113
00:57:29.679 --> 00:57:33.079
grounding yourself and maybe working through the peak in your head.

1114
00:57:34.360 --> 00:57:39.360
It's not a song just about anything from Wu.

1115
00:57:39.280 --> 00:57:44.360
Tang that's shocking and not at the same time. I

1116
00:57:44.360 --> 00:57:44.719
love it.

1117
00:57:45.480 --> 00:57:47.639
My older son was seven.

1118
00:57:50.000 --> 00:57:56.000
My my relationship to curse words and inappropriateness is probably

1119
00:57:56.960 --> 00:57:58.119
not age appropriate.

1120
00:57:58.239 --> 00:57:59.440
But I also.

1121
00:58:02.480 --> 00:58:05.480
I just I don't necessarily believe in sheltering our children.

1122
00:58:05.639 --> 00:58:07.320
I mean, I think there are some concepts that are

1123
00:58:07.400 --> 00:58:12.039
above them, especially some hyper sexual kind of things explicitly.

1124
00:58:12.079 --> 00:58:15.480
But like I think we I think we sheltered. I

1125
00:58:15.480 --> 00:58:17.199
think we shelter our kids too much. I think we

1126
00:58:17.280 --> 00:58:19.639
pretend like they are not completely aware of everything that's

1127
00:58:19.679 --> 00:58:20.440
going on in the world.

1128
00:58:21.000 --> 00:58:23.039
So so that that's a different topic.

1129
00:58:23.079 --> 00:58:26.280
But I at seven, he was seven, my owner almost five,

1130
00:58:27.320 --> 00:58:30.719
and they started wanting to have control of the music

1131
00:58:31.559 --> 00:58:33.360
and their mother.

1132
00:58:33.360 --> 00:58:35.159
Who I'm divorced.

1133
00:58:35.159 --> 00:58:37.239
We've been divorced for four years now, but we get

1134
00:58:37.280 --> 00:58:41.239
along grade it's not combative. But their mother listens to

1135
00:58:41.360 --> 00:58:47.000
like teeny bopper top forty, like trap nonsense music that

1136
00:58:48.400 --> 00:58:49.800
like I feel as soulless.

1137
00:58:49.880 --> 00:58:51.119
I just I can't listen to it.

1138
00:58:51.280 --> 00:58:54.800
So I was like, I'm not, I can't listen to

1139
00:58:54.840 --> 00:58:57.840
this crap that these kids listen to and stuff.

1140
00:58:57.559 --> 00:58:59.079
Like I can't. I can't. I don't want to listen

1141
00:58:59.079 --> 00:59:00.800
to this in the car, like I I'm driving.

1142
00:59:01.199 --> 00:59:03.519
I don't want to have to listen to some nonsense

1143
00:59:03.719 --> 00:59:06.719
you know whatever the new with Bruno Mars what Team

1144
00:59:06.760 --> 00:59:08.199
Bopper song is, Like, I don't want to do that.

1145
00:59:08.719 --> 00:59:11.559
So I was like, okay, guys, we're gonna start going

1146
00:59:11.960 --> 00:59:15.960
like Discotomy by Discott, We're gonna start working through and

1147
00:59:16.039 --> 00:59:17.000
for better or for worse.

1148
00:59:17.199 --> 00:59:20.760
The first album that we worked through was Wu Tang Forever.

1149
00:59:21.079 --> 00:59:24.800
And then we went to thirty six Chambers Uh. Then

1150
00:59:24.800 --> 00:59:27.239
we did some of their solo stuff, and then we

1151
00:59:27.280 --> 00:59:30.320
moved on to jay Z and then we.

1152
00:59:30.280 --> 00:59:32.760
Went to This Is Really Bad.

1153
00:59:32.800 --> 00:59:34.679
But we went to n w A because I wanted

1154
00:59:34.719 --> 00:59:36.760
to show him West Coast stuff and Snoop and so

1155
00:59:36.800 --> 00:59:39.400
we then then then we started to mix in the

1156
00:59:39.440 --> 00:59:42.360
classic rocks, so like, I think they have a pretty

1157
00:59:42.400 --> 00:59:44.960
firm affinity, like on their playlist, which I think is

1158
00:59:45.000 --> 00:59:46.960
funny because if we share a Spotify account so I

1159
00:59:47.000 --> 00:59:52.079
can see their playlist, Yeah, it's like Metallica. Then it'll

1160
00:59:52.119 --> 00:59:54.719
be like a Wu Tang song. Then it'll be like

1161
00:59:54.840 --> 00:59:59.880
some you know, Kendrick Lamar. Then it'll be like the beat,

1162
01:00:00.400 --> 01:00:02.880
and I'm like, I feel like I did something right,

1163
01:00:03.000 --> 01:00:06.920
Like I did right of everything else, but this eclectic, crazy,

1164
01:00:07.000 --> 01:00:10.840
eclectic classic rock, you know, kind of like my younger

1165
01:00:10.840 --> 01:00:14.639
one loves Nirvana, loves Nirvana. I'm like, I think it's

1166
01:00:14.679 --> 01:00:16.679
amazing that there's a ten year old out there whose

1167
01:00:16.719 --> 01:00:18.880
like favorite song is like smells like teen spirit.

1168
01:00:18.960 --> 01:00:20.360
Like, I think that's fantastic.

1169
01:00:20.559 --> 01:00:23.400
That's job mentioned accomplished.

1170
01:00:23.559 --> 01:00:24.639
Yeah, it's mission accomplished.

1171
01:00:24.679 --> 01:00:28.079
Yah. So something for me though, if I like, if

1172
01:00:28.119 --> 01:00:30.400
I need to get kind of jacked up or you know,

1173
01:00:30.760 --> 01:00:33.039
like it's my get after it, it'll be something Wu

1174
01:00:33.119 --> 01:00:33.840
Tang most likely.

1175
01:00:33.920 --> 01:00:36.599
I love that so much. And the eclectic nature of

1176
01:00:36.599 --> 01:00:39.159
the kids music is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so good.

1177
01:00:40.280 --> 01:00:44.679
One last thing is the megaphone moment. So if I

1178
01:00:44.719 --> 01:00:48.599
handed you a megaphone and kind of everybody in the

1179
01:00:48.599 --> 01:00:51.679
world had to listen to you for you know, thirty

1180
01:00:51.679 --> 01:00:53.400
to sixty seconds, what would you say.

1181
01:01:06.079 --> 01:01:10.519
I'm gonna give you a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson,

1182
01:01:12.360 --> 01:01:15.320
one of my favorite writers and thinkers of all time.

1183
01:01:15.599 --> 01:01:15.880
Same.

1184
01:01:18.400 --> 01:01:21.880
It's from his uh, it's a short story. It's called

1185
01:01:21.880 --> 01:01:26.119
self reliance. God will not have his work may manifest

1186
01:01:26.119 --> 01:01:28.440
by cowards.

1187
01:01:29.639 --> 01:01:30.000
Amen.

1188
01:01:30.679 --> 01:01:35.559
Whatever that looks like for you know that, whether it's

1189
01:01:36.480 --> 01:01:39.280
working for a nonprofit, being a stay at home mom,

1190
01:01:39.519 --> 01:01:41.880
being a stay at home dad, being a good parent,

1191
01:01:42.000 --> 01:01:45.440
being a good whatever that thing is, whatever that thing is,

1192
01:01:45.480 --> 01:01:51.039
that work that needs to get done, He's not gonna

1193
01:01:51.039 --> 01:01:52.920
have his work may manifest by cowards. You gotta get

1194
01:01:52.920 --> 01:01:54.360
after it. You gotta do it, You gotta do the thing.

1195
01:01:54.400 --> 01:01:55.119
You gotta be willing.

1196
01:01:55.599 --> 01:01:55.880
You know.

1197
01:01:57.639 --> 01:02:00.760
It's gonna be my last tattoo, which will be right

1198
01:02:01.000 --> 01:02:03.599
inside inside part of my bicept. I have a sleeve

1199
01:02:03.639 --> 01:02:05.280
from my wrist the top of my shoulder, and the

1200
01:02:05.360 --> 01:02:08.000
last part is inside of my bicep, and I just

1201
01:02:08.039 --> 01:02:09.519
started mapping it out, and.

1202
01:02:11.079 --> 01:02:12.599
I always knew that that's what it would be.

1203
01:02:12.960 --> 01:02:15.239
Since since the day I read that quote, I probably

1204
01:02:15.239 --> 01:02:17.960
say to myself every day sometimes multiple times a day,

1205
01:02:18.159 --> 01:02:23.320
certainly every time I feel fear for something. Anytime I

1206
01:02:23.360 --> 01:02:26.280
feel fear, I will remind myself God is not of

1207
01:02:26.320 --> 01:02:31.039
his work may manifest by cowards, so get after. It

1208
01:02:31.039 --> 01:02:35.800
doesn't mean that you're gonna win, but if you're cowardly,

1209
01:02:35.840 --> 01:02:36.599
you've got no shot.

1210
01:02:37.079 --> 01:02:40.159
So what is well? Go down swinging.

1211
01:02:42.400 --> 01:02:45.280
I needed that. I mean, I love well, I love

1212
01:02:45.360 --> 01:02:48.199
Ralph waldew Emerson as well, and I knew that. I like,

1213
01:02:48.239 --> 01:02:52.519
I know that piece of writing, and it's it's so true,

1214
01:02:52.679 --> 01:02:54.960
and fear is not an easy thing to work through.

1215
01:02:55.519 --> 01:02:59.519
So it's super helpful to have a very specific fear

1216
01:02:59.559 --> 01:03:02.039
related mantra. So I'm going to add that to my list.

1217
01:03:02.039 --> 01:03:05.199
I have a small list of mantras that I say regularly,

1218
01:03:05.239 --> 01:03:06.920
and I don't know why I hadn't had that one

1219
01:03:06.960 --> 01:03:08.440
on there sooner, So thank you, sir.

1220
01:03:09.679 --> 01:03:10.320
Can I give.

1221
01:03:10.199 --> 01:03:12.760
Finished one thought on fear before we were of course,

1222
01:03:13.199 --> 01:03:15.719
I just want to say this for anyone that this helps,

1223
01:03:16.440 --> 01:03:18.280
and I'm probably saying this as much to myself as

1224
01:03:18.320 --> 01:03:25.480
anyone else. The fact that you feel fear is nothing

1225
01:03:25.519 --> 01:03:29.119
more than a data point doesn't mean you're bad, wrong.

1226
01:03:29.199 --> 01:03:31.840
It doesn't mean that you're lacking. It doesn't mean that

1227
01:03:32.280 --> 01:03:35.000
you're worse, it doesn't mean that you're not blessed. It

1228
01:03:35.039 --> 01:03:37.599
doesn't mean anything. It's simply a data point. It is

1229
01:03:37.639 --> 01:03:43.480
your brain and your body saying this does not align

1230
01:03:43.639 --> 01:03:48.079
with survival. Simply a data point. That's all it is.

1231
01:03:48.960 --> 01:03:52.599
We have to remove our emotional attachment to fear. It's

1232
01:03:52.880 --> 01:03:56.079
very difficult to do, and I misin struggle with this

1233
01:03:56.159 --> 01:03:58.960
all the time. So this is not me sitting on

1234
01:03:59.039 --> 01:04:01.519
high telling you some how I have zened out.

1235
01:04:01.360 --> 01:04:03.079
Fear from my life. Right.

1236
01:04:04.119 --> 01:04:09.159
I have that mantra because I feel fear often, and

1237
01:04:09.519 --> 01:04:13.880
it reminds me that it's nothing more than a data point.

1238
01:04:14.159 --> 01:04:17.920
And we can get so caught in because we feel

1239
01:04:18.000 --> 01:04:23.840
fear somehow I'm wrong or bad or not worthy, and

1240
01:04:23.920 --> 01:04:26.440
none of those things are true, none of them.

1241
01:04:27.039 --> 01:04:29.320
I've done four hundred plus keynotes in my life.

1242
01:04:29.320 --> 01:04:32.760
I feel fear before I step on stage every single time,

1243
01:04:33.159 --> 01:04:36.679
every time. Actually, I probably feel more fear today than

1244
01:04:36.719 --> 01:04:39.480
I did when I started, because today there are expectations

1245
01:04:39.480 --> 01:04:41.760
on my performance. When I first started, it was like

1246
01:04:42.079 --> 01:04:44.599
the fact that I was there was enough. Right now,

1247
01:04:44.800 --> 01:04:46.760
people have seen me enough times that there's a certain

1248
01:04:46.800 --> 01:04:49.519
level of expectation of performance. So I feel fear that

1249
01:04:49.559 --> 01:04:52.000
I'm not going to live up to that level of performance. Right,

1250
01:04:52.480 --> 01:04:57.280
and but then today I also now have the tools,

1251
01:04:57.320 --> 01:04:58.880
I guess you could say in this case of Mantra,

1252
01:04:58.920 --> 01:05:01.360
to be able to say it's just a data point.

1253
01:05:01.480 --> 01:05:05.360
And lastly, fear and excitement light up the same neural

1254
01:05:05.400 --> 01:05:08.679
pathways in your brain. If you strap on one of

1255
01:05:08.719 --> 01:05:12.079
those brain scanners and you feel fear or you feel excitement,

1256
01:05:12.320 --> 01:05:16.199
your brain looks exactly the same, which means you get

1257
01:05:16.239 --> 01:05:20.760
to choose whether something is exciting or it is fearful.

1258
01:05:20.880 --> 01:05:23.199
It is a choice.

1259
01:05:23.239 --> 01:05:26.199
You're not feeling fear, You're having a data point that

1260
01:05:26.320 --> 01:05:28.679
you get to choose whether that data point is positive

1261
01:05:29.119 --> 01:05:31.719
or negative. But either way, it's just a data point.

1262
01:05:31.760 --> 01:05:33.280
You're not wrong for feeling fear.

1263
01:05:35.559 --> 01:05:37.320
I have been saying that you know, and it's the

1264
01:05:37.360 --> 01:05:41.800
coolest thing that I know and that I live that

1265
01:05:42.280 --> 01:05:44.719
I wish I could share it with everybody. Is that

1266
01:05:44.719 --> 01:05:48.320
that fact, that scientific fact of what you just said,

1267
01:05:48.480 --> 01:05:53.880
you get to choose, and that is the in many

1268
01:05:53.920 --> 01:05:57.519
ways to me, that is the door to a bigger life.

1269
01:05:57.639 --> 01:06:00.440
Like that is that is right there, like you opening

1270
01:06:00.440 --> 01:06:03.119
that door and deciding to walk through it anyway? Is

1271
01:06:03.159 --> 01:06:06.320
that that's the path? So this is the way, and

1272
01:06:06.760 --> 01:06:10.840
thank you because goodness gracious, I've been I've been finding

1273
01:06:10.840 --> 01:06:13.639
the right moment to talk through. That's that energy of

1274
01:06:13.719 --> 01:06:16.840
the science. It's like it's not we're not making it up,

1275
01:06:16.840 --> 01:06:18.400
we're not being woo woo, We're not you know, like

1276
01:06:18.440 --> 01:06:21.519
it's literally science. And thank you for that. So where

1277
01:06:21.519 --> 01:06:23.480
can people find Ryan? Where can we book you for

1278
01:06:23.559 --> 01:06:24.880
speeches and all the things?

1279
01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:26.880
Oh well, I appreciate that so much.

1280
01:06:28.000 --> 01:06:30.519
Ryanhanley dot com just my name Ryanley dot com is

1281
01:06:30.519 --> 01:06:32.519
a great place to start. You can find the podcast.

1282
01:06:33.320 --> 01:06:37.440
I have a book coming out. We started writing it,

1283
01:06:37.679 --> 01:06:41.559
but I signed a contract with ben Bella Books. So Simon,

1284
01:06:42.760 --> 01:06:46.559
that's amazing, very excited. Good job, you have a great publisher.

1285
01:06:46.559 --> 01:06:48.719
The book's gonna be titled Easy Mode How to find

1286
01:06:48.719 --> 01:06:50.960
your Edge, build your life around it, and remove everything else.

1287
01:06:51.000 --> 01:06:54.039
So essentially what we talked about today, And.

1288
01:06:54.039 --> 01:06:55.639
If you want to learn more about the book, follow

1289
01:06:55.719 --> 01:06:57.079
on in the journey all those kind of stuff.

1290
01:06:57.119 --> 01:06:58.800
Ryan Hanley dot com is a great place to start.

1291
01:06:59.119 --> 01:07:01.880
Beautiful, thanks, thank you again. Ryan. I am so pumped

1292
01:07:02.320 --> 01:07:05.360
follow all of that online. So appreciate your time today,

1293
01:07:05.400 --> 01:07:08.519
your energy, your words, your soul, all of it. So

1294
01:07:09.039 --> 01:07:11.360
we will see you guys next time on Quick Before

1295
01:07:11.360 --> 01:07:15.519
You Forget. Thank you for being here with me today

1296
01:07:15.920 --> 01:07:19.559
on Quick Before You Forget. Please like, share and subscribe

1297
01:07:19.599 --> 01:07:22.159
as that helps the show so much and I really

1298
01:07:22.199 --> 01:07:25.159
appreciate it and I'll see you next time on Quick

1299
01:07:25.199 --> 01:07:25.960
Before You Forget.