How to Stop Feeling Not Enough: Grief, Purpose, and Finding Yourself Again

0:00 What role has faith played in your Forest Gump journey? Oh man, I mean every every roller coaster ride of it, because I've explored my faith in deep, you know, in depth, because I've lost my faith many times and once in particular, and I was angry at God and all of that. And the thing is, again, it's like seeing the sunrise and keeping your chin up right. But if you're looking for it, you will see these things that are right there, that are there for you, but you have to be open to receiving them.

0:57 Welcome to quick before you forget Today's My guest is the best friend I've never met in person until today, and I can't wait for us all to learn from him. Burke Floyd is an actor whose career spans Broadway, television, and film. But more than that, he's someone who shows up in every role he lives in, whether it's always always with generosity, abundance, presence, and heart. From Dawson's Creek to Sun Dance premieres and everything in between, his path has been shaped more by the people he's loved than the roles he's played. Today, we finally get to sit across from each other and talk through the moments that make life worth living, the ones we want to remember quick before we forget. Burke Floyd, Welcome to my show.

1:46 Oh my gosh, I cannot tell you how excited I am to be here. I'm not kidding. She is the best friend I've ever met. And then I picked her up in an alley way today and she's dressed so nicely, And now I think about it and play that back in Hollywood. That's weird, but it's also magic. It is magic, and I'm so grateful. So the most important tool we have, in my opinion, is our story, and I would love for you to walk me through yours today. So past, present, future, starting back with a childhood memory that shaped who you are? Wow, Okay, childhood memory that shaped who I am today? Really impacted who I am today? Is a pretty easy one, to be honest with you. I didn't I thought that would be harder, but it really is an easy one.

2:30 I grew up at the Boys Home in Virginia and foster care in a group home, and so I would and I was on like state lunch when I would go to school, right, So it's not like ad lunch money or whatever, but I would take the bottles back. I grew up in Virginia, So I take the bottles back for the for the deposit, the return deposit and everything and glass bottles and get that. And I would, you know, help somebody rake their yard. Anytime I had money, I would get you know, even I've just put it into this little bank that I kept. And then I would go to the movies on the weekend. So I always made sure that I had three dollars and fifty cents to get a movie ticket, and then I would sneak in to movie after movie after movie and spend the whole day at the theater. And I always did feel badly about it, truly, but I just, you know, it's just what I was doing. And then about a month of doing that, somebody had given me ten dollars.

3:31 I don't know how I had this ten dollars, but I had ten bucks. So I bought two movie tickets. I bought my first movie, which was Goonies, and then I bought the movie that I was going to go see, you know, looking at the thing, I figured out the movie I could see after that, and that was pretty quick after it, and so I bought that. I had three bucks left, so I bought a soda and I went and I watched Goonies and I went to get a refill of the soda and they didn't do refills, and I was like, that's okay, may I have water? And they filled it up with water and I went back and as I was walking back to get my ticket stub again, the manager came around the corner and told the teenager who was working collecting tickets that they would take care of it. Oh, I got this one, and I thought I was busted for sure, and I gave I was so happy. I was like, oh, I was so relieved because I had a ticket for this next movie. Truth be told, I was going to go sneak into Goonies, but I had the ticket. I was going to see it twice. I loved Goonies, so I give it. I'm so proud. I give him my ticket and he's like, come with me, kid, and I was like, oh my gosh. And he took me around the corner and I thought for sure I was going to get arrested.

4:37 And I was terrified because you know the boys home. You know, the option after a group home like that is often juvenile attention and sort of things like that. So I was terrified and he just said he asked me my name, how old I was, and you know where my parents. Basically, he was like, so you're always I've seen you. I know that you've been going to see all these movies, you know, And I explained, I told him the truth. I was probably crying, I think, and just embarrassed and like scared, and he said he said, right, okay, so you love me. He sounds a lot like me. You love movies like I love movies. That's why I work here. And I was like, oh, man, I wish I could work. That would be so cool to run a movie here. He goes, one movie you're gonna go see and I was like, uh, it's for whatever it was.

5:22 And I was like, but I think I'm just going to go see Goonies again. If that's okay. I was going to go see Goonies again. And I started to realize I wasn't in trouble, but I didn't know exactly what was happening. And he gave me a card that he had that would get me into any regal cinema anytime I wanted to see any movie I wanted anywhere in the country, as if I was ever going to leave Richmond at that point, but you know, and it came with soda and a bucket of popcorn for any just as many as I wanted. And he gave me that card, and then he said, all right, let's go see Goonies. And he got a soda and he got mine refilled, and we went into the next showing Goonies, and I just I had loved movies up until that point because they were an escape for me. I loved Goonies in particular because while I was escaping outside of it, they were also it was like it spoke to me.

6:17 It was like a movie for me, and I could relate, and it was like the first one that I remember really relating to and being like, oh man, I wouldn't want to lose the guon Dox either, you know. And then this manager at Regal, John just extended this incredible like hug of welcoming and accepting and acknowledging seeing me, you know, and knowing what it was and relating to that and being like, let me fix this thing for you. And so you know, I mean, I really worried about getting three dollars and fifty cents and I thought about when I got that ten bucks, I had thought about, well, that'll get me. That's three weekends. I'll just need another fifty cents. But then I was like, no, I should buy for the other movie too, because I didn't want to sneak in. If I had the money, I didn't want to sneak in. And like, he changed everything, and that's why I've always loved movies and TV, and now I get to make them, which is the craziest thing I've ever heard.

7:20 Well, he was a transition figure for you. He made you feel seen, and he offered you an olive branch that was such something so special to you for your escape. I mean, you're going to the movies became you said, an escape. And you walk me through more of your story with the foster care system and how you obviously you know that from there to today is a big leap. How did you stay grounded when you were not at the movies and you were, you know, in that system. Yeah, I mean listen, like, yeah, the movies were a holiday from real right, oh for me see you drop and mister egg no, but but yeah, so look, the foster care system first and foremost there have been so many changes for the better in that system across the country.

8:18 It was not ideal, but it the alternative. It certainly was an absolute benefit to the alternative. And I experienced individuals that were there to collect a paycheck, and I experienced individuals that were there because it was their calling. And that is the way it goes in every single thing you see in your life, you know, and the thing is, find the people no matter where you are, do your best to empathize with the people that are just there to collect a paycheck, right because that's not easy.

9:03 We've all had jobs, bus stop jobs, as I try to call them, you know, where you just have to make ends meet. And we've all had those experiences in our lives and you're unhappy, and you still go because you have to make ends meet. And so I try to extend empathy to those people and retroactively forgiveness to the people that you know that shewed me away whenever I had a question in my experience. But I also know I learned from that so much about looking for the people to whom anything is a calling. You can go to a Starbucks and find somebody who is who you is just palpably generating joy about being there and they are in it, there about it, and like I want that, I want that Americano from that person, you know what I mean? And so like it's you know, find those moments when they happen and be grateful for them.

10:06 And I wouldn't be who I am or where I am today without all of those people with whom I experienced, who modeled to me how I wanted to be and maybe how I didn't want to be. And so I'm grateful to all of them. Well, gratitude is super important to me, as I think, you know, but I want to know more how you find that calling? Like how do you how do you get from the confusion and like sort through the noise and feel that the calling is yours? So that is That's the trickiest thing I think for anybody in any anything they're doing in their lives, anything you show up to being able to figure out where you fit into it is. And there are people that seem to just walk into any room completely comfortable in their own skin, not to say that they don't have other things going on, not to say that they don't have challenges and pain and grief and regret, you know, at all as human beings, we all we all have that.

11:08 That's part of the human condition. But those people that walked into a room and like own it right out of the gate, they always I'm always impressed by that, especially when they do it in a way that's with no pompous attitude or anything. They're just they're just comfortable to be there. That is the coolest thing. That's that's the definition of cool. Like just somebody who's like, what's good, Like, oh, yep, I'm here, what's up? Hey, who are you? And then they engage other people, but to find your calling. You know, I've forced got my way through life. I've fallen into every great opportunity I've ever had. I've fallen into it. And I just I think for me, as you had said, the noise versus signal, Right, so static and signal a lot of it has to do it because the noise and the static and signal we like to think of or I like to think of as an antenna, right, and it's being transmitted and I've got to go and find it. Right. But the trick is that it's not that that's true. That part's true. The energy is coming your way, and you've got to pick the energy you want right and clear the noise. But that starts with having your antenna and not blocked in a corner of your house if you're trying to get the that starts with wrapping the tinfoil on the antenna back in the day. Oh, kids, you're gonna have to google that. You don't have to google what that what I'm talking about, but that Grandpa's

12:41 just talking about the old days. Kids, No, but you need your You have to take care of your antenna in order to pick up the signal. In order to be able to differentiate between what is signal and what is noise, you had to adjust that antenna. So, like adjust your intenna, that starts with you putting out the signal you want to receive back, clearing the clutter from around you and around your heart and around who you are, taking self inventory and owning what you find there and holding yourself accountable for it. The same boiling water that softens a potato hardens an egg. So it's not your circumstance, it's how you react to it that matters. And so it's okay. Your initial reaction as a human being may not be the one you choose, you would choose, may not be the one that you would prefer. But that's where you know, do you remember they always used to say, like count to ten. Oh, if you're gonna pop off, count to ten. But what they left out is why you're counting to ten. It's not just counting to ten.

13:52 It's like, think about what's happening, count to ten and breathe, and then start swimming again, you know. And that's the thing about it is that you have to easter egg. That's the thing about it is you have to You have to start with you in an airplane. If there's heaven forbid, if the masks drop, you have to put yours on first, right, Yeah, you have to start with you and owning it. And then you know, take the baggage that is just filled with junk and do away with that if you can, and this process, do away with that, and then with the baggage that you've that are that's left that may have grief and regret and some pain in it, still right because those are a part of who make us who we are. Right, That's not just junk, that's not just like why am I still?

14:47 Why is that person living rent free in my head, right, not that that person that was mean to you or cut you off in traffic. Right, Like you know that stuff, do away with it, the stuff that that shaped who you are lost and wins all of that and then just find people whose luggage matches yours, you know what I mean? And and like you know, and also don't forget to like set it down every once in a while and be like cool, I can I'm home. I don't have to carry these with me where I'm going. I can leave these here. And there are people that walk into a room. It's not like it's not like Matthew McConaughey doesn't have baggage, right, It's not like Andrew McMahon doesn't have baggage right right. But I gotta tell you, every time he walks into a room, both of those dudes set it down in the corner, are like, what's good, and I'm home and put their feet you know what I mean? Like that is the definition of cool, because it's not because it's authentic. They're not pretending to be comfortable.

15:55 They genuinely make them. They've found a way a method for them that works to set their baggage down and be present without it in the room that they're and then when something comes up, so you go rummage through it, you know what I mean, be like, I know what that is. Yeah, check this out. Let's talk about you know what I mean. And that's how you become present and accessible. And it's a it's a it takes practice. I think, it takes discipline, and it takes constant repetition of it. You referenced joy and gratitude and both of those things coexisting is a fascination of mine because they can and they often do. And it's interesting to me, how you know you like you said, like everybody has that.

16:43 Everybody has the baggage. You know, it makes me. Picture There's there's this meme on the internet always that has like the people in traffic and you see like above it it's like Grandpa died, you know, mom is sick and just all these different things you just never know, which is why I choose to show up with passion and give people the benefit of the doubt always. Oh, sometimes to a fault perhaps, but generally speaking it's real because everybody does have that baggage. But the most interesting one to me mostly because of what I've walked through is the whole grief and enjoy coexisting part of it. You have been through some things, obviously, you know, the childhood helped make you who you are. Pain, You've turned some pain into purpose there. I'm curious how you. I know, you took a break for a while during some personal struggle, and I don't you don't have to go into details if you're not comfortable, but can you walk me through how you found your way back to grief and enjoy coexisting while you were on that break and it came back from that?

17:47 Yeah? Yeah, So you know, I had a personal loss that was really, really difficult, and I didn't I didn't seem meaning in anything anymore. And I hate to interrupt you, but isn't that real? Like, isn't that that's the thing When you have something so hard happen, it can take away your ability to even see yourself. Yeah, I didn't even seem Yeah, I mean it was it wasn't It was not numb like sometimes they'll show it in movies and it'll you know, where the person is numbed and they're you know, they show the loose pov and all of the blurry pov. It's not numb, it's just drowning in grief and uh yeah, so it's it's odd because when you are drowning, when you were taking on water, you know, lifeguards have a thing actually with the new Baywatch they're making and their rebooting Baywatch.

18:58 My my my friend David Chokichi is coming back to play as character on it, and it's going to be great. I'm excited for that. But like in Baywatch, they would have these things and if you were ever like I was a lifeguard at the pool when I was growing up. I had like sixteen jobs when I was in high school. But someone who is drowning you on Baywatch, they would show it. They would use the can, the rescue can to shove them away, you know, and sometimes even have to like really defend themselves because a drowning person instinctively will grab you and push you under and all of that, right, and so it's the same thing when you're drowning in grief, anger, rage, self, pity, all of those things. When you're drowning, people can throw you a life raft and they can give you the can, but they also when they recognize it, maybe need to keep that arm's length because you can take them down with you. And then that becomes cyclical because your your mind, your brain is the only thing that can lie to you consistently, and you will buy it every time. You know, the competent speaker can convince most of anything and themselves of everything. And that's it. Like you can convince yourself of anything you want to believe. And so you know, like cancer, taking a child is your fault, or a divorce,

20:36 let's say, is your fault and only yours. And conversely, you can convince yourself that it's someone else's because it feels so much better to be able to point at and to say. Because in our own stories, we are typically in our own stories of ourselves, we are typically the hero or the victim. We in our own stories about ourselves rarely allow ourselves to honestly play any part of the villain. And we are all guilty of being villains at certain points in our lives in certain ways, maybe not outright, but you know, you have to own that. And so coming back from that was I just my kids, you know, my daughter Carson saved my life, and I just didn't know. I didn't think that I was worthy of being her dad after what had everything that had happened, and I was scared to be her dad. I was scared.

21:49 I was terrified of it. Why were you scared? Because I had blamed myself for my other child having passed, and so I I it was a challenge that I couldn't get over, and I was scared to be a father to her. I was scared that I would do it wrong that I just thought, you know, I just blamed myself for everything and a lot of that self pity too, though, you know, like you know, again it's a cyclical thing. And so yeah, she saved my life. I mean, she just did. And and I just I didn't see it coming. And like I wish that I could give some you know, epiphany moment where the light bulb clicked on or something like that, because it's it makes for a nicer story. But it was just this sort of it was like more of a sun rise.

22:47 And I think the thing was the sun had been rising every day through that twelve years of me and I was productive in what I was doing during that twelve years. I was working in and a human trafficking and k and R kidnapping, ransom, I was doing things that were very productive and helping other people a lot, and putting myself in harm's way, which I think correlates to what I envisioned my self worth to be at the time. But the sun was rising all of those days. The thing is, if you're too busy looking down, you're never going to see it. And that's where I was. And she just helped me get my chin up and and now you know, the sun rises and sets with her every day. For me, that's that's you know, so and that's it's a gift. But but it is a it's a weird self exploratory thing after the fact, where you go, wow, that was a what was that? What was that? But when you're drowning, you don't know where the bottom is. I mean, have you ever seen somebody drown or like not drowned, but like have struggle in the six foot of the pool and they're five to nine right and you're like, bro, bounce, b just bounces its beats right there. But the panic sets in. It's a role in the water. Number one rule of being in the water is never panic. That's the number one rule of being in the water because panic is the death of you in the water, and like when you're drowning.

24:19 It's it's so it's so easy naturally organically, it's so easy to panic when you think you're drowning, when you convince yourself you're drowning, you know what I mean. And so it's hard to it's hard to pinpoint this one thing, but I can absolutely hang it solidly on Carson. We are grateful for Carson. Thank you Carson for doing amazing work for your dad. And I wonder how being a dad, because you're such a you're such a good dad. It's it's it's really cool to watch your being a parent is something that really like lights you up. From the inside. You can see it. And I want to know how being a dad has changed you as a human, Like how is it your worldviews and your values and all the things.

25:03 Yeah, you know what, I'm so much more patient. I was not patient. You know. I wanted I wanted my things. I wanted this to happen right now. I wanted that to happen. And I wanted to be able to get this thing done. And I wanted to do that, and I wanted to, you know, do everything. You know, all of those things and like I learned from my kids to be patient, to like, to to focus on the process over the outcome, and to not be immediately reactive. And I think I learned being and I mean I played team sports for a very long time, and even and making a movie is a team That is a team sport making a movie and a miracle to get one done, by the way, But it's so collaborative, and being a parent is so collaborative and it's not about you.

26:00 So I think at the end of the day, patience is the trait that I learned from being a parent, and the fact that nothing is about you, Nothing is about you, it's not And like once you realize that it's easier to put your luggage down when you walk into a room, to realize that it's not about you. Yeah, Mike drop moment. I feel that way about my kids. They are I say that they are my heart walking around on four legs. And I mean that your kids have four legs, yes, because they're my heart walking around. Oh there are two kids. Right, two kids four legs, two kids four legs. I mean, if they did have four legs, we would love them regardless.

26:50 In a carnival or something right right, sure, yeah, but I love them. But they have saved my life and they have done they have taught me more about me at the age of ten and twelve than I ever thought possible. Tell me an example of that for you and Carson. Oh man, Oh no, I mean like she when okay, I'll give you a blanket one that just go when she when she sparks up on something and I'm like, oh my gosh, that's me. That's what I that's me. Like more like she'll do something, I'd be like, what do you doing? Let's really Oh no, wait, that's exactly what I do. I do I do that, I do exactly that. Yeah, why do why spark up like that?

27:35 I mean like, yeah, it's I learned from her. I mean I learned from her all the time. Like we She just came to set with me the other day and we took some pictures with the cast and she said that we were that we were mogging her. Yeah. I don't know, because she had just come from the gym and she was like, you guys were mogging me in these photos. You know. I wish I'd done my makeup and taken a shower and cleaned up before I came. You guys are mogging me, and I'm like, well, you know, I'm known to mog. So she definitely has helped teach me vernacular that I that I was unaware of, and she's patient with me on it, which is fun. But but she's also when she gets sparked up on something like and I'm like, wow, that's what I do, that's I still do that sometimes. Oh man, hey sweetheart, let's talk about it for a second, and like it helps me again. Kind of part of teaching you the patients is also modeling for you the impatient because they've seen it.

28:35 Because it took you a minute to learn it, so they've seen it and now they're they're they're modeling it back to you. They don't know they're modeling it back to you. But like when you when you're like, oh that's me, Yeah, that's my bad. No, No, we don't have to worry about that. You don't know that car going slowly in front of you probably has a birthday cake or they just have their brand new baby in the back. We don't need to we don't need to worry about how slow they're going. We just will follow until they leave, you know what I mean. It's that kind of thing. So you said you forrest gumped your way through life. And that sounds to me. It sounds familiar to me because I feel a little bit that way about my yellow brick world that I'm always talking about. But I'm wondering, as that's happened and all these different things have happened and the people have come into your life, what is something that you saw later that made more sense later, Like when you had a plan and it didn't go as planned, but it ended up being way better than you could have planned.

29:28 Something that happened for you rather than to you. Yeah, that's a great question. That's a great question. Thank you. Well. I will say that rejection is God's protection and amen that as an actor, we experience rejection regularly, and often we experience rejection as ghosting because when you don't book a role, nine times out of ten, they're not going to let you know you didn't book the role. You just never hear anything. Okay, Well I thought that first day went pretty well, but okay, okay, at Carson love you to drop a little Cardi B in there.

30:08 So I think I think it's tricky for me to, well, no, I've got I've got one. I've got one. I was working out of college at my degree in applied mathematics, and I was recruited out of college and was working for the government, and I was in New York. And that's what I was going to do. I was going to work for the government doing this thing that I was doing which ties into the K and R and anti human trafficking and as a as an operator, as a tactical operator. And I was living in New York. And that's just that's who I am. That's what I do for a living, and that's cool, and this will be what I do. And unlike in the movies, most of that is very boring. It's until it's not. It's like wearing your seatbelt, like you don't even think about it until you're glad you wore it, right, So a lot of it it's not at all like it is in the movies. And this woman comes out of a coffee shop and asks me, stops me, are you a model?

31:15 And you know, I said something along the lines of, look, you know, I might have moved here yesterday, but I didn't you know, I wasn't born yesterday. You know, but it was she was with Ford Models. It was Katie Ford and she yeah, and she had just had a meeting with Abercrombie and Bruce Weber. This is in the late nineties. This is in the late nineteen hundreds. That hurts just saying it, and it's true. But she had just had this meeting and they wanted all American, very athletic jockey kind of guys, and she had just walked out of this meeting basically, and there was you know, walked down the street, and she thought, and so that saying yes to that and going into this meeting and having them take polaroids not knowing what it was and having no frame of reference for what it would do, changed my And then seeing what it ended up happening from it, you know, like billboards and Times Square and like on the sides of buses and stuff. You know, it's that's wild. That's wild. That one time doing it and seeing how it paid off made it so much easier to keep doing this and even be like, yeah, okay, I'll try that, which sort of started my the forest

32:46 Gump thing. And it was completely a curveball and completely unexpected and changed the course of my life. And I think the actors that make it out here or anywhere are the one that maybe don't get the yes on the first one and still continue or the tenth or the hundredth, and they still continue and even when they get and those human beings, whether they're actors or not, who celebrate the small wins along the way, will will generate more wins as they come. You know, you can't get on a win streak without the first one. And so you know, even if that win isn't the war, you know, even if it's a win in a battle, take the win in the battle, because that's the only way you can ever get on a winning streak is to recognize the first one.

33:46 It's really smart and it's an interesting You have to take the time to be present, honestly, is what it shows is you have to instead of like worrying so much about what's coming or what happened, you are just in the moment being present and being grateful, dang grateful for it. It's process over outcome. These are the goals I want. This is what I want eventually. Okay, well, right, but like that's a roadmap. You're right, You've got to that's where you want to go. And now you're looking at this map and there are all these different routes that you could use to get there. What's the Which way are you going to turn out of your driveway? Just start with that. Yeah, just which way are you going to turn out of your driveway? The one next thing, like literally the one next thing.

34:28 Focus on that and stay present for that and find wins in that. So what does the present Burke understand that past Burke didn't. Oh wow, I don't know. We got tied. Well, I mean, lazy pickle better be super latey because this is going to be a millie. There's so much, obviously, And I think anybody could say that if they're if they're honest, I think I think appreciating I mean what I just said, knowing process over outcome is something that I definitely did not ever even consider. I never even and that that is like a part of my day to day, moment to moment life now and I didn't even I wasn't even aware of process. It's like when they say with kids, you know, oh kids, you know, they think they're invincible. Remember you guys just think you're invincible.

35:38 And as an adult. Now I'm like, yeah, no, we just don't think we got you got backwards. You think we're thinking we're invincible. We just don't think we we We just immediate. We just go and uh and like that. I think the what I've learned is focusing on the process, on what's right in front of you and trying to stay present and appreciative is the only way that I that you can get where you're trying to go eventually, you know what I mean, and be happy once you're there, because it is the journey. You're there is there is.

36:23 There is here is here. Literally you are here right, get it? Carson is the answer. But I'm going to challenge you to think about a different person who believed in you when you doubted yourself. Oh, I mean I spent my whole life doubting myself. So how do you fix that? Though? Like, because you're dealing with rejection, your your your you know, process over outcomes, but how you also still are very real, You're still human. You still doubt yourself, So like how do you I mean that's a separate question, I guess, But if you can think of a person, great, But how do you work through that? Doubt and how do you like push through that rejection.

37:06 Well, so I think there are there are people that will actively support you right and try to give you things. Being proactive trying to support you right could be parents, could be your partner, could be right, and that is amazing. Those are gifts and a lot of people have them and some don't. But but I think it's it's more. It's the it's the so like being nice, being nice is is great. Being nice is great to being nice to someone, But being kind is hard. Yeah, being kind is a discipline. Being kind is saying is saying truth a hard truth with love. Being kind is tough love.

38:05 Being kind is doing that thing that costs you, that makes you feel awkward. That's being kind. And I think proactively loving you is so kind because it comes unconditionally, It comes with a cost. And sometimes we get wrapped up in the people that are nice, and that's we fall under the illusion of that we believe. Listen, I am. The fact that anybody would call themselves a fan of mind blows my mind. It blows my mind. And I'm so appreciative of any of that support that I get and so confused by it. But I'm soppreciative of it.

39:00 I'm so grateful for it. But the thing that I had to realize and remember is they're a fan of my work. You're a fan of my work. You don't know me, so it's important not to If you believe your good reviews, you have to believe your bad reviews. It's that kind of thing. It's separating what is finding the people, being appreciative of the people that are nice, but knowing that that's being nice. Finding seeking out the people that are going to be kind, that are going to throw away your favorite red shirt because you don't look good in it. Find those people because that's kind, because you know that I'm going to realize that my red shirt is gone because it's my favorite, and you know that we're going to have to have a conversation about it, and eventually you're going to have to tell me that I never looked good in it in the first place.

39:57 Red is not your color and red. Is not my color. Kind, right, that was being kind. Find those people that will tell you the truth. With love in their heart, with love in their heart. And and Brene Brown would say clear is kind also, which is another interesting segue into the question I wanted to really ask you about grief aside from the grief and joy coexisting, is what did grief make clearer for you? We have Kleenex? Yeah, I know that's right. Grief is the negative space that allows joy to shine.

40:48 Grief is the negative space that allows joy to shine. I'm going to need the kleenex. You have to, Yeah, you have to find it, but yeah, I will just leave it at that. Probably, okay, thank you? Yeah, quick, before you forget? What do people underestimate about themselves? Oh? Man, you know, I think I think if I wanted it as a blanket statement for almost all people. We talk about it in the industry and the acting and entertainment industry quite a bit. Is that imposter syndrome?

41:29 I think people will very often, I know I'm guilty of it, underestimate not just their worth, but simply that them they themselves are enough. And it's and the want to I want to book a series regular. I'm just to put it in black and white terms so there's no indictment of somebody that's got something right or I want to make I want to be the manager of this coffee shop. I want to be the manager that's what I want to do. I want to open my own coffee shop. And I don't want to tell anybody that I work at a coffee shop until I own my own. I mean, how many times you know, I don't want to tell anybody that I'm doing this indie film that is probably not very good. I mean, it doesn't feel good, the script's not great. I'm not really happy with the script if it's disjointed, and you know, I'm not getting paid very well, and like if the crafty's not right, like the budget's low and nobody's going to see it, or it's just going to this and it's not going to be on Netflix. I want to be on one on Netflix. I'm not going to tell anybody about the ones I do until they're on Netflix.

42:46 Like that is a large scale of feeling like you are not enough, Like what you're doing today is not enough. That is focusing again on outcome instead of process. And if you focus on the process and the very step in front of you, then you you are enough for that step in front of you, because he won't bring you to it if you can't bring you through it. So you again, it's when when we look with this macro lens. Of course you're not enough. If you look at the ever expanding universe, you are not enough. How could you be? The universe not only is it infinitely large, it's expanding, it's still growing.

43:35 But if God loves you, should you not then love yourself? Correct? That's the why are we looking at the universe? Why are you looking at that? Right? That's that's the wide lens. I mean, I think personalizing it to your everyday interaction work, Put a smile on somebody's face, work, do it? Like? Do it? I dare you to put put a smile on somebody's face today. Go out and put somebody you don't know, a stranger, put a smile on their face, and do it as many times as you have to do it until you get somebody to smile back at you and your home, and then look at you and then tell me that you're not enough.

44:17 That's powerful, It's true though. Yeah, genuinely, that's how I exist in this world. Perhaps to a fault, I tend to. There was this lady, a dollar tree, who came up to me. I was like looking, I was there just looking at like the shiny Christmas like subglasses Oh yeah, brain deer glasses with Christmas trees on them, and like. The light bulb nexlice. I love dollar tree, by the way, same I love getting right. Except it's the dollar fifty tree. Now, like what what in the world? Anyway? So I'm standing there looking at this stuff and this lady comes up to me, and this is this is something that you talk about, the forest gump situation and just kind of being aware, like the art of noticing these situations when they're happening as they're happening is something that I've you know, as a forty year old woman.

45:03 Now I have embraced it, and I'm just like letting it happen because it's fascinating to me. So this lady comes up to me and she goes, I need to ask you a question. I was like, Okay, this is ominous, but all right, and I'm just standing there looking at the light bulb that necklaces, like I don't know what I did to attract this situation. But she walks up to me, I need to ask you a question. She says, how old do I look? Is she? Does she have glasses on also? And she's she's old? I mean, does she have the reindeer glasses. No, no, I mean she's just she's just browsing. Do not in this thing that I just picked up off the shelf? How old do I look? In this? Just in general? He's just asking, generally. In life, how old do I look, which is like not a question that you ask a stranger who's looking at light up necklace.

45:47 I would find a trapdoor in that dollar tree and throw myself through it. That's I wanted to do that, Yeah, would be Instead. I said, why do you want to know? Oh see, that's a good return. Thank you. And she said, well, I don't know. I just think I just want to know. And I said, you look twenty two. Now, she did not look twenty two. She looked older than twenty two. But in my head, I have coached myself to believing that you can be whatever age you think you want to be by doing this work. So I said, I you know, you look twenty two. She goes bullshit like loud. Everybody in the Dollar Trick could hear. And I said, no, no, okay, I know, I know you're I know. I'll write fine, I'll say sixty five. She melted, She's like, oh my gosh, thank you so much, because she's she was actually seventy five.

46:37 Now I would have probably pushed her to maybe seventy five eighty. But we ended up having the most lovely conversation about self love and aging gracefully in an era of everything plastic. And it was just this beautiful reminder to speak to exactly what you were saying, which is that, like you know, we have we have this ability to be present and you know, encounter people every single day, and so many of us are like on our phones or whatever, and we have the gift of connection to so many people that we don't even like that are just in our everyday life, like this woman, and it. Happens to me. Happens to me a lot. And we said something about God and faith, and I wanted to talk to you about that too, because I want to know, like, what role has faith played in your Forest Gump journey?

47:27 Oh man, I mean every every roller coaster ride of it, because I've explored my faith and deep, you know, in depth, because I've lost my faith many times, and once in particular, and it was angry at God and all of that. And the thing is, again, it's like seeing the sunrise and keeping your chin up right. But if you're looking for it, you will see these things that are right there, that are there for you. But you have to be open to receiving them. That all, accepting Christ into your heart, Art or whoever, whoever put whatever name on it you want, whatever you were comfortable with.

48:07 My friend, my friend Share has said gus So God, Universe, not that Share. I wish no, I'm talking about your friend Share. I know, my gosh, that's so cool. It's a cool name. I love names. But she, she's she's the one that phrased it gus. So. I want you to keep on that train. We can talk about gus So God, Universe spirit. So you know, it's so we just we hurt because she I am the faith based God person and she's the universe person, and we coexist and we both both. Believe, and we can both respect. Each other, respect each other, and we have all of the appreciation for Gus. That's it. So keep you continue, continue talking about Gus. I love that. Yeah. So when you allow Gus into your heart, that means that you opened the door for us, right, you open the door for it, And that's the you have to invite these things in and then they will start appearing before you so many times it'll blow your mind. I will say I was recently a very good friend from a very from over twenty some years, almost thirty years.

49:15 Friend passed away after a battle with cancer, and he had made me we knew it was close, and I had gone to visit and I had this Disney trip for Sweetheart's Night at Disneyland planned with my daughter and her best friend. And I told him about that, you know, because all we do as old men, all we did was just talk about our kids, which so you know again, he lit up every single time too. So it was fun, it was great. It was healing for him in a way. And then so I was talking about the Sweethearts Night thing, and eventually I think because he knew where he was in his journey, he had said, listen, no matter what happens, no matter what happens, you have to promise that you go on that trip, because we have to show our kids.

50:06 You will be the one to show her that a man shows up where he says he will show up, and you have to promise me. You have to promise you won't miss that trip, no matter what and you know, and I did, I promised. And so we're on this trip and they're getting ready to go, they're putting on their makeup and getting dressed for Disney. And as a girl dad, I'm already been ready for an extended period of time at this point, and I find out that my friend has passed. His wife lets me know that he has passed and let me know that it was peace, you know, And and I took him, you know, I took a couple of minutes. I excuse myself. Took a couple of minutes. And then and then we went to Disney and we're enjoying Disney. We're having a blast, you know, and it's I'm able to keep it at Bay shoving into the box as it were, and slammed the shut the thing shut, the luggage, the luggage. And at one point, we're getting off Indiana Jones, favorite ride. We're getting off Indiana Jones. And as we're walking off of Indiana Jones, there's another family that's coming on and it's this dad and he's wrangling. And my friend had six kids, and his dad's wrangling a bunch of kids. I don't think it was six, but it was. It was it was a bunch. He's, you know, spinning plates. He's getting cats to march in a parade. It's a straight line, the Indiana Jones thing. It's literally a tunnel. And he's like, no, no, gotta keep gotta keep going this.

51:36 Way, hurting the cats. Yeah, and I uh, and I saw it and it was amazing, and yet it was it cracked the box. And then I realized that I'm here with my daughter and his kids won't have and all these things right, And so I start feeling that, and uh, I'm feeling coming on and I'm trying. I'm trying to do the things you do to using the tools that I've learned to to try to keep it at babe. But it is a wave. It's a tsunami. It's building to a tsunami. And I'm concerned that I'm going to need to excuse myself for you know, thirty minutes or something to get it together, you know, And what am I going to say to Carson? How am I gonna explain it? Then? I don't want a friend to think, like, Wow, your dad's really Indiana Jones really hits your dad in the fields, you know what I mean, like I don't want this would be weird, and like I don't want to steal their joy, you know, burden them with it. And these are all the things that I'm thinking, right, which again is also pointing it right at me instead of being like, you know what, like let's take our breaks. But I'm coming around the corner. We're out of Indiana Jones, We're turning a corner. I'm getting angry. I'm starting I'm like, it's converting. I'm going through the process. I'm compressing it right, I'm making it. I'm speating the whole thing up. I'm putting into a I'm putting my grief into a pressure cooker in this moment because I'm trying not to pop, right, and I'm trying to shove it in the bar since so it's like speeding through the stages of greed. Right, So I'm angry. I'm right about angry, at at gust,

53:08 at everything, right, and like at that point, I'm like, oh my gosh, okay, keep going, keep going. And right as I'm at that point, I look up and there is one of my oldest friends with his family walking in the park, who this guy beat cancer. And I'm like, yo, really you have got jokes, Gus, well played, sir, ma'am your majesty, well played indeed. And you know that's the thing is if you have to you know, you have to be open to seeing it and it'll it'll be there for you if you're if you were open to it.

53:49 The number of times that that has happened since I have consciously decided to be present and to I'll call it like it's gratitude, but it's also abundance, Like it's just believing and walking in a season of abundance and trusting that there are things like that that can and will happen. It's it's incredible to me. Like the but you, like you said a lot when you said, like you have to believe, like you have to know and have faith that those things will come. It's almost like it reminds me a little bit of when my friend just had to have a difficult conversation with her son and she told him something that was so thoughtful about you you tell your kid when you're about to have this kind of conversation, this is going to be five minutes of being really uncomfortable, and the way that that just like like light lit a bulb in my brain because it's like, you know what that's I would feel better if I knew it was only five minutes, right, set the right because nearly all, if not all, conflict in life comes from mismatched or unfulfilled expectations. So you set that expectation from the gate. It's going to be five minutes of awful, but we'll get through it and then we'll move on.

54:59 And I'm so grateful. That you had that happen that day, like that is I thank you for sharing that story because I think it's so important for people to recognize. And I don't think that a lot of I think that the people that miss it don't miss it because of any other reason, but maybe they're just not conscious of it, like they're not paying attention, they're not well whatever it might be. But you need to have that ability to like be grounded. And it sounds like you were mad at God, but you're but you were still talking to. Him, that's right. I was keeping the lines of communication open. And he's like, I got your brother, Yeah, here's your pal boom, right. And I mean that same friend that had that difficult conversation that I referenced was having a really hard day at a at a football she went to her son's football game, and I showed up that night and she just cried, you know, And it's just it's I am so grateful for people and the role that people play in our story.

55:55 It's it's just. Cool like like at it like a geeky level like I I. I love that story so much. Thank you for sharing. And it reminds me of the questions that I was going to ask you about some of the really cool people that you've had the opportunity to cross pass with. So obviously, you've been in a lot of movies, you've been in a lot of shows, You've had a lot of different roles, and you've played across this You've shared the screen with some pretty impressive people. And I know this is a hard question because of that, but. I'm curious what you're if there's any person or people that you could illustrate for me like that actually showed up for you in those moments when you shared the.

56:35 Screen with them, Like what what? What? What? What lessons did you learn from all those different people that you have gotten to work with. Yeah, I could give a few, but let's see. So Anthony Hopkins. I did Hearts and Atlantis with Anthony Hopkins and at one point he had insisted on me calling him Tony at one point, and I was like, all right, that's going to take some work, but we'll try to get there. But but so Tony took me over at one point and said, uh, you know you're you're you're really you're really talented actor. It's like, oh, thank you. He goes wait, it's like, what's up, what's up? What?

57:17 Once you really believe that and start doing less, everybody will see it like okay, And I mean that was a gut punch. But then I thought about it and he said it early. I mean, nothing's worse, nothing's worse than like the movies in the can. It's done. Somebody sees it and the first words out of their mouth are like why did you talk with that accent? Or like why did you wear the red shirt? Turn that red shirt? Right? Like, that's not kind because it's something that's done. It cannot be corrected going forward in that manner when you directly reference this finished product that is out in the world. Right, But there's a way to be kind about it. Later and be like, you know, I was just thinking about that red shirt you were wearing in that movie. I wouldn't wear red anymore. I don't know that that's really your color. That not why are you wearing that? Right? Not reactively. So Tony did it early in the movie in our working together, and I was like, okay, And it was still a gut punch, but it forced me to think about it, and it forced me to it didn't force me to. I chose to embrace it.

58:35 It helps that it was coming from Sir Anthony Hopkins. But I embraced it. And I was thinking about what was I and I realized that I wasn't I was masking. I wasn't acting because I was so nervous that I had shut down my creative, my heart, my spirit, my creative, my talent if you will, if I have any I was shutting all of that down and instead focusing on what is this going to? How will this appear? This needs to be very challenging. I need to work very hard today. I'm working so hard. You see how hard I am at acting? And yeah, yeah, and he called me on it. I was like, oh man, that's what I was doing.

59:20 Yeah, And The cool thing was that we hadn't even gotten out of that scene and so we came back in and you know, I was that part I was forced to do. I was forced to take the note from him quietly and away from anybody. Although just so you know, if you're on set, everybody hears everything because the sound guy's got his cans. And he one hundred percent called me on it later once once, not the day. He was very he was very sweet that he didn't say anything that day. A few days later he commented that he had heard it and was like, oh, and that he didn't put it forward for dailies, so no one else would hear it. He covered me, thank and yeah, which is awesome. But yeah, that was super impactful in just being dynamic. Being dynamic doesn't mean kinetic, because the truth of the scene is what will make people lean in.

1:00:16 Sometimes that is big, sometimes it is kinetic, but the truth is the truth, right, and so the truth will do it just about every time. You just have to be willing to find it and be vulnerable enough to deliver that and know that that is enough. And uh, yeah, and I think Bobby, uh, you know, Bobby Duval just passed away and uh he he we worked on hearts and I mean we worked on gods and generals together, and uh, he stuck up for me with you know, some of the people on that movie that that were because I was like this Abercrombie and Fitch teen drama guy to them, and he stuck up for me. And he didn't stick up for me like like just because it's right and I'm just going to stick up for you.

1:01:10 He stuck up for me, and he explained to me this because he believed in it. He believed what he you know, it wasn't just their bullies and I won't allow it. It was their bullies and they're wrong. And he also taught me, Bobby Duval taught me, don't work so hard trying to prove anybody wrong. Work twice as hard trying to prove yourself right. And I thought that that was a pretty cool. It's like, don't worry about it, don't worry about that, worry about you prove yourself right. And that was cool. They both did something for you where they said something honest and true as it was happening, correct, which is I think an important clarification because I know you mentioned it earlier. But I know that you do something very well with intention, and that is shining the spotlight on people that you believe in or that you trust. And I I am my people know this. I am big into being a fangirl. Like I think being a fangirl is a superpower because people work too hard to not get that little jolt of whatever it is when it's happening.

1:02:25 Like you and I can respect the things that happen behind the scenes to make that thing happen. And there's always more going on. There's always a story. And there's no such thing as overnight fame, only over or oh, no such thing as overnight success, only overnight fame, And that is an important clarification. But I believe in cheering loudly. I believe in share. If I if there's something that I like, a product or service or a book or a song that like makes my makes me feel things, I need to I can't even I can't help it anymore, like I need to share it with the world. So I want to know what is Burke fangirling over right now? Oh man, so many things that I've discovered in the last little bit that like have my mind blown Cam Whitcomb is a musician from Canada. I love his stuff.

1:03:17 Max McNown is incredible. I love his stuff. They kind of hand in hand a little bit for me. They're both playing, they're both playing Stage Coach Day three. They're both on Sunday for Stage Coach, which is cool. I think they're both on Saturday. I think they're both on Saturday for Stage Coach, which is cool. I'm looking forward to that. I've seen them both live a few times, and they're just insane. It's insane talent. It's insane talent. I think that that there are other musicians that that I've come to. You know, it's like you're teaching the algorithm what you're into, right, and so it'll feed you more of it. And again that's sort of a reap what you sew thing. And so I've gotten to the point where like, uh, I have so many that pop up on my feed that I'm just like, oh my gosh, so good, so good, so good. That I've actually consciously, in the last recently, this only in the last few days, started to say I need to slow that down because it's becoming it's it's not it's becoming reactive to this it's becoming just like, oh, you know, love it, love it whatever. That's it's less honest than what it deserves.

1:04:35 Like I need to slow down how quickly I'm jumping on. So I've been saving them to a folder and then going down the rabbit hole with one or two that I've found at a time, you know what I mean, So I can hear more of their music and more of their stuff and who and see more of who they present themselves to be on on Instagram or TikTok, and I think think, yeah, there's a lot of there are a lot of creators out there that get a bad rap as a whole because people are afraid of you know, don't take my cheese, don't steal my cheese or whatever. Patrick, Yeah, yep, that's it, thank you. Yeah, they they think that that's what it is, as though it's always a zero sum game to be to be clear, there is a limited there are limited funds that people have, but there's also a limited attention span that people have to truly dedicate into any particular thing, and and so yes, that is there. It is competition, but it's competing when you when you're competing for other people's attention, and you look at it as a race where one of us will finish first, and that's what you know, in seconds, just the first to lose or whatever that kind of that's like in an audition, you can't be my competition.

1:06:05 You can't. If we're auditioning for the same role, you're not my competition because I'm rooting for you, so like you can't be like, it's not our control, it's not ours to control. It's not ours to control what someone, what hits, what impacts someone. What is ours to control is making, creating, putting forward energy, art, music, performances, coffees, you know what I mean, whatever you put forward into the world, it is ours to put that forward as honestly and with as much love in it for ours, for us that we can yeah, yeah, and and because then it can really be you know, then then it's an honest response that you'll get from it instead of worrying about what that person's doing. And there are a lot of creators out there that are just going for it and it's rad I mean, some of them are super sios. Zach King is doing these things that are just insane with his editing, and like it's so cool.

1:07:17 And then he'll show up at a school and they'll put it up on the you know, this elementary school and they'll put him up on the big projector screen and he's talking one of his videos and all the kids know him because he makes great stuff. And I met him at the Shazam Tube premiere and he's just a great dude. But you know, and and and they're watching a video of him in their gym, in their gymnasium or whatever it is. They're gym aatorium I think is a cafetorium whatever. You know. They're sitting Chris Cross applesauce on the floor watching this guy. And then and then he falls out of the bottom of the screen and he's really. There there and just like that's one of his edits even yeah. And and he does it live for these kids like that.

1:07:58 Like who isn't a that? Yeah, you know what I mean? Who doesn't want to be about that? So, like, you know, Zach King certainly doesn't compare himself to anybody else because nobody's. Doing what he's doing well, and it's you versus you. You know, That's what I hear is that you have to keep that in mind. And remember. And that's that's where you know self love is and selfish because it is you versus you, and the goals and stuff that you set for yourself matter that much more because you set them. That's right. Yeah, quick, before you forget, what's the first thing that somebody should do before they realize that the life they're living is different than the one that they're meant to live.

1:08:39 What's the first thing they should do when they realize. That when the life they planned isn't the one they're living. Yeah, the first thing they should do when they realize that is find ten things in the life there are living that is not the life they planned for which they are grateful ten ten things. So what are birks ten things right now? Oh? I mean my kids? Hands down, Like there's no. That's that's it. The ten things, that's it. They would just be my kids ten times. Yeah, I mean honestly, like that's like, I like never have to look far for anything to be for which to be grateful. I can expound on that and say, the opportunities that I have in this life to introduce my kids to Ariana Grande, let them hang out, like actually hang out, right, Tom Holland and let them hang out, actually hang out and actually get to know them, or Ian summer Holder or those are things for which but it all, it all comes back to the root of my kids, because none of us are living the lives that we planned. Nobody is no one yeah, no one, no one is zero. No one who's being honest with themselves is living the life they planned. So if you have to, if you are in that state where you

1:10:10 are comparing what you're living to what you planned and thinking that there's something wrong, see just that comparison is the grass is greener over here, right. That's why if you're in that headspace, you need to work to find the ten things that you're grateful for, which is why that was my response. So like if I were in that headspace, which I'm not. Thankfully I have been, but I'm not, I would dig deep. I would not just say my kids, but I have abundance in my life right now. I'm very very I'm incredibly blessed right now.

1:10:51 Gus is hooking to grow up right now, do you know what I mean? Yes? And so the list is too long for. Ten, Well, what's one thing that you don't want to forget. About right now, in this moment, right in this. Moment, in this moment of abundance and stuff like, what is one thing that you look back. I want to get to your eightieth birthday party too, but before we all, before we get right. Now, I was a wild one. I'm ninety six before. We get there. Well, it's one thing about your daily life right now that you don't want to forget. Yeah, I would say that. I I'll say two things.

1:11:34 One that everyone in my immediate family and my closest friends, having recently lost I can say and again I had to actually do this when I saw my other friend at Disney. It reminded me that I've had friends that were sick and have made it that that's important. And so I just recently lost somebody from my small circle of friends and family, but everyone that is and it's easy to focus on that, and that deserves focus, and that deserves contemplation, and that deserves stages of grief, and it deserves tears or whatever it needs to be right.

1:12:21 But it also is important to remember that the circle that I have currently is all healthy. And I will say that for sure is something that I would want to hold on to for the next time someone is sick, because people get sick. And I would also like to say that right now, I'm pretty happy about the fact that my wordle streak is at one hundred days. That's a solid boom, solid flex right there. Boom. One twenty is my record, and it's haunting me. It's on there every time. At the end when I get it right, it's like one twenty. Yeah. But I remember when I was at fifty four, fifty four. I remember it being at fifty four and with thinking, God, man, it's gonna take me forever to get to one twenty one.

1:13:14 I remember that. I remember feeling that way and being like, what are you doing? Why are we what are we doing? Hey, Bud, what's up? Man? You're holding on a little too tight there, my friend, and relaxing about it. And now I'm at one hundred and I'm like, dude, one twenty one is gonna be nothing. I'm getting got one fifty badge? Yeah, yes, And it's so cool to throw it away and be like, and if I don't get it, that's cool too, because it's just wordle. Just you know what I mean? Yes, that's it. Yeah. Well, the goal post is always moving, right, the goalpost is. Always moving, and it's important to remember that you're still in the game. Yeah, And it's also important to remember that there are times to contemplate the fact that everyone in your in your family and your immediate circle are healthy, and to go deep like that, and to think about big stroke things like that, And there are times where it's just okay to find yourself laughing. I just did this movie that comes out March fifteenth, comes out March fifteenth, and uh, my co star in the movie, the star of the movie, Riley Reagan. Fantastic actress. Love Riley. She's amazing, She's so talented, young actress here in La She told me, we're sitting We're sitting in this. I don't know if this is gonna be funny in the retelling. This is my first time trying to retell it. But I will tell you that I've thought of this over the last three or four months since we shot the movie. It has randomly popped in my hair like gonna cry. It's randomly popped in my head totally at random and without explanation, and I've found myself laughing. And I'll see people be

1:14:46 like all right, Well, what's it? What are we laughing about? One? And they're plus they're with the lotion. No, but the she were sitting in this drove that's all dummied up on the trailer and has the lights in the camera, you know, because we're driving this this thing. We're doing the scene in the car, but they're resetting us. And she's like, you know, I wanted to go to Atlantis, you know, Atlantis, And I was like, yeah, of course. She was like, I so badly wanted to go to Atlantis, but I was on this cruise and the weather was bad, and so we couldn't go to Atlantis. But we parked we I think she said parked. I was like, cool, we parked right off the island and you could see it and it looks so cool. So I'm going to go to Atlantis sometime. And I was like, oh, that's cool. Yeah, I hope you do. You know, you let me know when you do. I want to see pictures right now.

1:15:41 I meant that. I was trying to be like, good, that's a great thing to do, and I'm sorry that we weren't able to go, and she goes, yeah, also, have you ever heard of the Poop Cruise, and I was like, from from the okay, you're from the Netflix document or anything. I mean that when like, yeah, you know, it's funny because I was on the boat and weather it was bad, so it just sort of stuck on the boat. And I was like looking at this boat to be like, I wonder how often this happens that they can't go and the park right off the thing and they can't go. And so while I'm looking, I realize in my research online, I find out this book that they've renamed the boat, but it's the boat from the Poop Cruise. And I was like, and I just I just the number of times that I've just found myself laughing about, like when I see somebody like it's just it's how she broke to me this very like like she still is trying to the fact that she's still trying to be like, yeah, so I didn't go. I didn't go to Paradise. I saw it and then I was on the Poop Cruise and I don't really know anyway.

1:16:55 I was like, I don't know what to do with you. I love you so much, it's so honest with you doing you ever heard of the poop and it's just it's just the best and my song. One time I had my child come up to me and I'm working on my laptop and my child comes up. I'm sitting on the couch. I'm working on my laptop. My child comes up, two years old, comes up right to the seat next to me on the couch, but doesn't climb up. Toddler doesn't climb up, puts their elbows on it, and looks off contemplatively. Daddy, you sinking what I sinking? Yes, shutting that. Oh I don't know what are you sinking? Yeah, I sink about squirrels. And I was like, I'm thinking about squirrels too. Come up here, let's talk about it.

1:17:59 Talk it. Get up here. And that's like probably the best hour I think I've ever had talking about squirrels. And like that's the you know, it's so it's the whole point. There's so many hard things in this world. Yeah, there's so many hard things in this world, and we're all going to experience them. And this, this life is but a vapor and like we are just astronomically mathematically impossible that any of us are here, and we have already beaten the odds in that way. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't experience grief and pain and burden and regret and these horrible harder things, because that's part of the human experience during this brief vapor of time. But with all of that, quick before you forget think about squirrels whatever. Yeah, do you know what I'm saying? Let that stuff be negative space to see the joy, to highlight the joy.

1:19:10 Thank you, because that was amazing. And it's time to talk about your eightieth birthday? Oh God, Okay, are you ready? Okay? So I had a friend who passed away and we ended up having like a zoom memorial service for him. And the thing that made me really sad about it was us everybody had been touched by this human and there was about two hundred of us. There and on the zoom on the zoom call. Yeah, it was. It was amazing. So it was Dave Hollis, who was married to Rachel Hollis, and it was really unfortunate because the way that he passed and everything leading up to his death was very hard. But he having us all be there and talk about how this one human had somehow sparked something in this two hundred Lives was so cool and it made me think about the importance of saying the thing right now, right Like we talked about that saying the thing right now.

1:20:10 So what do you want to say right now about your eightieth birthday? What do you want to remember? What do you want people to be talking about? Who do you want to be there? Obviously not everybody we want to be there will be there, but what does it just paint the picture for me? Like what does it look like? What are they saying? And what do you want them to be saying about your legacy? Man, God, that's tough. That's a good one. I think it's funny because I have my fiftieth birth I turned fifty this year, and I keep I wanted to throw a party, but I can't bring myself to throw a party for myself. My other daughter, Paris, had her birthday and she was fill a movie on her birthday and she came back, and so she threw a birthday party a couple months or about a month after her birthday, and she donated. She put it, wrapped it into a charity thing, and it was really she made it not about her, And so maybe I will at some point this year, throw a party, and it won't be my birthday party, do you know what I mean? But like, and maybe that's the answer. Maybe again something my kids have taught me, right. Yeah, So it's funny that we're talking about birthdays because I've been thinking about my birthday quite a bit, you know, turning fifty or whatever. I'm nineteen in remotes.

1:21:39 Twenty two, twenty two. Yeah, got a lucky bullshit. I don't know why I made her sound like that, but I chose this's weird. It did kind of sound like that. That's weird. Film Milwaukee. Listen, Laverne Shirley, calm it down. So I think I would want obviously my circle there. I would want my friends there. I would want my kids there. I'd want my family there. That's an obvious one. I think beyond that, I would want to be surprised by the people that are there. I would want It's not so much that I want a surprise party, as much as I would rather be surprised by the people that are there.

1:22:31 To come and celebrate you, that. Would want to come and participate in that while I was still alive, which would be rad And I think I think I remember this guy, Scott Chambers, bass player, went high school together and played bass in his band Pink Salmon. Scott Chambers when we had senior superlatives, told me that he had written my name down for all of them. And I mean I liked Scott. He was really he was a cool like people liked Scotty. He was popular. He was a cool guy. I couldn't Still today, I almost wanted to facebook him. Is a few years ago that I thought the last time I ever thought of this was he like followed me on Facebook or something.

1:23:23 We had our high school reunion, so I had to be become active on Facebook again because that's where everything was. Yeah, And when I saw him, immediately thought that could hit me how how kind that was to me, and how shocked at how surprised I was by it that this super popular. I mean he was always really nice, Like he wasn't popular like like in the movies. Like he wasn't the jock in the movies that was popular and a jerk to people. He was just this nice guy. Everybody loved him and he was a really cool guy, like he made people laugh and he was good. He was in this band that was a cool band, you know what I mean. Yeah, and I still I still like wish that I could figure out a way to word asking him what that was about, or at least thanking him for it.

1:24:10 Well you just did, I mean, I don't know his name, Scott Chambers. Yeah, so Scott Chambers, thank you for doing that for my friend Burke. Yeah, Like I remember being shocked by it and how touched I was by that. Having said all of that, people like Scott Chambers, like those moments when you see them are pretty incredible, you know what I mean, And so I would want I would want that to be it now. Now listen, there are there will never be anything that tops and I in no way, shape or form am even referencing myself in this story. It is a video that everyone should check out. And unfortunately the name of the gentleman is going to escape me. But in the eighties, I mean, it's not he's it's not a celebrity or anything like that except every but he has the opportunity to be a celebrity or to be treated like one. By treating people the right way, you know what I mean, you can impact people right now, and like that can have an impact and make people excited to see you just in the way you behave.

1:25:15 But because fame is fictional, fame is a false creation, and it's not real at all. They don't love you, they love your work or their song or whatever. They don't know you. Chill out and it can run away just as quickly as it came. But this gentleman had saved hundreds of people during the Holocaust, hundreds of Jews during the Holocaust, and he had saved them by putting them similar to like a Schindler's List kind of thing. He had saved these people, and he put himself at great risk in doing it. And he and his wife they were in New York, I think, and his wife was like, you know, we're going to go see this daytime talk show or whatever. So sitting in the audience and his full audience, and the show starts, and the person comes out and starts talking for a second and then starts talking about him, and he's genuinely surprised, and he's older at this point, you know, and he's looking around.

1:26:18 He's trying to figure out every single other person in the audience was someone he had saved. Wow, And he had no idea yeah, you should watch this video. Yeah, it's magic. Wow, it's magic. The thing is that is such an incredibly that is the that is such an incredible vast amount the Holocaust. World War two was horrible. War is destruction and awful. The Holocaust is a totally different level of just wretchedly horrible, just wrong. But that is such a dark negative space that it makes the joy super bright. Space doesn't have to be you don't need you know, it's like this, we're so divided, and it's like if we could have a common enemy, it's like, right, ease up, man, how about we just focus on what unites us. Yes, a common enemy helps unite you. It makes it more clear because you can all choose this one thing. But there's far more that unites us than divides us, and if you look for it, and so that's you know what I mean. So I'm not comparing anything to that because of how dark that is and how much joy he was able to pull in that moment from this incredibly dark time. But we all have an opportunity to pull some kind of joy in that way, and in that similarity, I would like to be surprised by Scott Chambers voting for me for all of the superlatives.

1:27:48 I'd like those little things, things that I didn't know impacted somebody would mean a lot to me. That's why I would want to see one of and Christy Brinkley. And Christy Brinkley winks. You said something very powerful to me about the things that unite us, and there are there are many, you know we we I think we take that for granted. There as plenty of things that unite us. One of my favorites is music. I feel something in my soul comes alive at a show, and that's why I want to walk you through your playlist. So I want to know Burke's playlist for certain things, Okay, and I know that that's hard because I know that you're a music guy too. So like my song of survival is obviously swim by Andrew McMahon.

1:28:38 We know this. Andrew McMahon. McMahon up that one. Thank you you're missing out. Does he does he play under any other names? Yes, yes, there's something corporate something Jack's Mannequin and Mannequin, which is my favorite and Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness. I'll check them out. Please. I gave you all the time. Yep, you need to have your song with Survival already. Okay. Uh, mister Blue Sky's is one of my favorite songs ever. Yes, that's a good one. I hear it. I feel it in my soul. With you said it, I'm like, I got it. I locked I'm locked in.

1:29:20 Uh. Andrew actually has several that would be on that playlist, and I you know, it's hard to pick just one for that trying because I'm trying and I and that's why I'm saying it's hard to pick just one. I mean, dark Blue obviously, like Ye just hits different mixtape. I mean they're they're you know, friends, I mean, there's so you know what I mean, it's hard. I guess I would just go with Dark Blue because of what it reminds me. Of that we're not alone in a crowded. Alone in the crowded room. Yeah. And then uh, may m a E has a song that I that I'm trying to remember the title of now. It's so funny because I was just playing it for my daughter. But they have a song off of their album that is off of their album Destination Beautiful, their first album, and it's sound off calling to La gonna be the one that makes it happen. I can't think of the name of it. It starts with an A, but it's it's escaping.

1:30:28 Me right now, please do Yeah, thank you for saying that one. Definitely, it's a little rough, but that one definitely. That one definitely gets me amped as well. And then I think discovering new songs is also like a cool thing, like when, which Spotify does okay, but like TikTok, there are a few other sources that will play more and have a better algorithm to match closer to what you're doing. Oh and Counting Crows August and everything after. It's probably one of the better albums for me. Recovering the Satellites, the second album from them is great too. A lot of music is where you were when you heard it. Yeah, well, we could talk about that particular topic for like several days, not just hours, but days, and maybe we will. In the meantime, though, I am just so grateful for your time, for your energy, for your abundance, for everything, for pouring into me, and for pouring into everybody that's watching and listening. And I want to clarify and ask you if there's anything else that you want to share.

1:31:29 Before we wrap, I want to say that I am so grateful that we met on Instagram. That's what the platform can do. That we became so close via Instagram because of our commonalities. And I also want to thank you for coming all the way out here to my hometown of California. And this is Lazy Pickle Studios, which is so rad. They've got so many different rooms. We're in the Jade room right now, and it is the coolest studio in LA and the variety is so dope. And I'm not paid to say this or anything like that, but it was readily. They were so helpful, Ashley and Sydney. They were so rad and like and I mean, you know, even the help that they were giving in technologically because I know nothing about it was super rad. And I'm just so grateful to this experience and to all of the people both Lazy Pickle, you the pilots that got you here safely. Should probably high five of them all of that. I'm just so grateful to have it, to have it, and I'm looking forward to the Three Pianos show in Chicago. The twenty second same, oh no, the twenty second is here Long Beach. I'll be there too, but the fourteenth and the twelfth is his solo show, so we'll see that.

1:32:39 Until then, We'll see you next time on Quick Before You Forget. Thank you for being here with me today on. Quick Before You Forget. Please like, share and subscribe as that helps the show so much and I really appreciated it. And I'll see you next time on Quick Before You Forget.