Who Are You Paying to be in Your Life? [Ep.768]

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You're in a good place now.
You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess,

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Welcome back Live to look her true
life perspectives and I'm your host Ashley

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Burgess on today's show. I'm wanting
you to identify the people in your life

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that you're paining to be in your
life, the people that you are paying

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money to be in your life.
A good example is your lawyer, your

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accountant, your doctor, and the
list goes on, and who you're paying

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to be in your life you're paining
to help you in your life, and

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being able to identify these individuals,
but going a step further, not just

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knowing who they are or remembering their
name, but taking that to another level

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by actually identifying the people are pain
in our life and being able to be

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sure that this person has us in
mind, that they have our best at

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heart, that they actually listen,
that they take the time with us,

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that they actually put us first or
at least care about us, that they're

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actually open to ideas or considerations,
that they're not judging, that they're not

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bullying us to a certain degree.
And I found that a lot of people,

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a lot of people I know,
including many clients I have, including

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family members I have, and including
friends that I have, have hired people

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that have put them in certain places
in their life that are important, and

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these same people don't listen to them. They might not give them that much

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attention. They might not give them
attention as far as listening to them or

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listening to their concerns. They can
be very much know it all, so

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like they know everything and you know
nothing, or they can be even bullied

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to some extent, very self centered, very narcissistic in nature. And I

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want us to really look and dive
into this because I feel that many people

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have taken on folks in their lives
that don't bring them joy, that don't

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have their heart their best in mind, and honestly, a lot of times

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too, when you're dealing with these
people, instead of feeling good about the

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interaction, you actually feel bad,
or you feel stressed about communication, or

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you feel unheard. And these are
the things that I want us to discuss

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today because I think this is very
important and I think that this is affecting

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many people because I think that some
of us have chosen people in our life,

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whether it's a family lawyer or a
family accountant, or maybe a medical

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doctor or whatever, or a therapist
that has these types of qualities, and

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it's hard to let them go because
you feel bad. There's been so much

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time, perhaps maybe lots of things
have gone on, and it's hard to

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let that go. And one of
the biggest reasons why that's hard to let

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that go is, you know,
based on the way that we were raised,

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based on the way we were raised
and the types of people we dealt

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with, the types of people that
raised us. You know, how was

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our dad right, how was our
mom? Or how are they now?

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Or how were they when you're it's
more important to understand what they were like

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when you were a child and being
raised in the formative years, not necessarily

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how they are now. And I
know that a lot of people say,

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well, you know, my mom
was this, or my dad was that,

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or my dad was an alcoholic,
but he's no longer. We get

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along now, or you know,
my dad was very cruel and mean or

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very self centered, but he's changed
because he's like ninety now. Okay,

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I'm not really talking about that so
much now. Because you hope that people

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get better with age, You hope
that people get more self aware with age.

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You hope that people begin to get
more aware and understand standing of why

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they do what they do with age, and some people do and some people

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don't, but we hope that they
do. And so I want you to

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think about that the connection between the
relationship with your mom and dad and the

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environment that you were raised in and
the environment that you grew up in,

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and how that impacts you by the
people that you choose to be around.

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Because I think we can sit there
and look at we have family members who

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are in our lives that we can't
change because they're family. We have friends

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in our life that have been around
for a long time or not so long,

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or a little bit of time or
more time than not. But then

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we and so some of those people
obviously we can change friends if we want,

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maybe a little harder, but we
could still do it. But what

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about the people we're pain What about
those people that are in those types of

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positions that we can actually let go
of at any time, but we haven't.

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The people that we have is you
with the people that when we're in

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a meeting, they don't listen to
us. So people that we kind of

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continue to feel unheard. Why do
we continue to go back to it.

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Why do we continue to pay that, Why do we continue to accept that

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grief? Why do we continue the
pattern? And I've had many clients come

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to me and say, well,
you know, we've worked for so long,

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you know, overcoming that type of
person that they get attracted to,

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that very know it all bullying,
kind of narcissistic person that you know,

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kind of knows everything. They're bigger
than life. They don't really have time

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to listen to other people. You
know, they they love you if you're

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making them look good, that sort
of thing. But they've been conditioned,

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and so we've worked to uncondition them, right, work to see it first,

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then understand why, and then work
to unconditioned, you know, because

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we have to uncondition you know,
this pattern, you know, a thought

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and behavior and choices, and so
we've worked on that. But a lot

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of times we worked on that,
like let's say, for example, with

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friends, like we no longer accept
certain types of people in our life.

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Perhaps maybe we've worked on that with
family dynamic where we've put up some boundaries

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that you know, maybe we still
talk to, you know, a sibling

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or a parent, but yet there's
some boundaries around that communication. There's some

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boundaries around that them things that we
won't accept anymore that we used to accept.

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Right. But I think one of
the things that falls through the cracks

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is the people that were pain and
I'm saying, this pain to be in

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our life. So again, the
accountant, the lawyer, the doctor,

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what have you, those people and
how a lot of times we choose this

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type of person that we're used to
that might not be very healthy for us,

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It might not be very good for
us, It might not be the

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right choice for us, but we
choose it because we're used to it,

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you know what I'm saying. So
we choose that person because we're used to

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that type of personality. We're used
to the personality. We're used to that.

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You know, a lot of people
say, you know, hey,

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I was raised you know, my
father was an extreme narcissist or whatever.

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Mother was an extreme narcissist, but
you know, she was alife for the

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party or he was the center of
attention, and you know, and and

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if you didn't know him, well, you thought he was great. He

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was the center attention. He was
always a life for the party. But

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at home, behind closed doors,
he was a different type of person.

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Or behind closed doors she was a
different type of person. And what I'm

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saying here is that a lot of
times we pick people in our life to

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do something for us, as being
our doctor or a lawyer or what have

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you, and that person has that
that bigger than life personality, right,

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They have that center of attention personality. They have that going on, and

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we're used to that. But at
the same time, just like mom and

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Dad had that persona that different,
that different personality behind closed doors, so

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does this person And so eventually you
know that big personality and that you know

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it all kind of attitude and that
real strong persona is great, but it

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has the issues behind it, right. I mean, it's one thing that

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somebody kind of has the knowledge.
It's another thing to have somebody that that

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also has knowledge but knows that they
don't have all the knowledge. It's also

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great to have somebody that knows that
they don't have all the knowledge and is

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interested in hearing your your thoughts,
is interesting, in hearing your perspective.

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All these things are great, but
when you get the opposite of that,

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especially in the form of someone who
is working for you, And that's one

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of the biggest things that I find
that's interesting that I find very interesting with

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people is that a lot of people
will take crap from people that they work

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that work for them. They'll take
crap from people that work for them.

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And I'm just putting it out there
so that we all understand what we're talking

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about here, and what I'm saying
is there's no reason to write that they

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like, why would you need to
this person? You're paying this person.

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This person's on your payroll, you
know, whether it's your insurance covering it

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whatever, whatever it is, they're
on your payroll and you're paying right,

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You're paying them for headaches. You're
paying them for headaches. That's what you're

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doing, is like you're hitting your
head against the wall. You're paying them

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for headaches. And many of you
will still have the same issue with them

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day after day, week after week, year after year, and you're paying

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them. You know, I have
clients constantly saying I can't believe I'm dealing

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again with you know, this person
or this accountant or this doctor's not listening

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to me or that, And it's
like, Okay, first off, why

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are we going to a doctor that's
not listening to you. Second of all,

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you know, why are we seeing
Why are we working with a lawyer

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that doesn't have time for you?
You know, why are we working with

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an accountant that doesn't listen to you, or doesn't respond to your emails in

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a proper timing, or doesn't have
time to get back with you. It's

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completely billing you way too much and
not spending time with you. Why do

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we continue to have this type of
person in our life when we can easily

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find someone else. I mean,
I can't even begin to tell you.

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I'd have to google, you know, how many CPAs there are in the

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world, how many CPAs there are
in the state, how many pcpas they

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are in the United States. I
would have to google. How many doctors

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are there even in your area,
No matter where you live, there's a

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lot of doctors, you know.
I mean, maybe you have to go

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to a bigger town, what have
you. But you know, there's a

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lot of doctors. There's a lot
of lawyers. You know. This isn't

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like, you know, the one
in a million where you just got to

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go with what you got and that's
your only option. That is so far

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from reality. Now, there is
so much there's plenty of choices to begin

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to pick someone that you're not paying
for headaches. And I want us to

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really think about that, because some
of the strongest people out there, because

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I know a lot of strong and
a lot of talented and a lot of

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smart people listen to this show.
And you listen to the show because you're

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smart, talented, and you're a
good person. You listen to the show

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because they talks to you. It
speaks to you. But even then,

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there's still somebody in your life that
you're paying right now that needs to be

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let go of. And I don't
want to hear about oh, but there's

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so much water to the bridge or
you know, oh, you know,

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but okay, no, no,
no, I get it. Time is

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time. And that's why it can
be hard to let go of friends that

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you've known for a long time that
are like this too, because it's hard.

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Oh we've known each other for years, man, I mean, we've

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known each other for fifteen years.
Okay, well fifteen years is fifteen years,

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sure, but it's fifteen crap years. I mean, let's start.

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Let's start making life better instead of
making life worse. So let's begin to

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identify some of these folks, and
let's me get to identify some of their

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behavior that upsets you because their behavior
is the issue. I mean, it's

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them, They're just them acting out
on their behavior. But we can't.

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You're not going to change I mean, an adult's going to change their behavior

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based on a choice. And an
adult's not going to change their behavior just

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because you tell them to. Okay, this is people. People have to

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change their behavior because they want to, not because they feel like they have

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to or because you said that they
have to. It's just not the way

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it works. So if you if
their behavior needs changing, move on.

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If their behavior needs changing, move
on. And and that's the issue,

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you know, that's the you know, if the behavior needs changing, And

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that's the thing. It's like,
Okay, you know, why do we

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want to try to change them?
You know, why do we want to

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try to change them? Why?
Why change them? And and that's and

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and that's kind of this, that's
the deal. It was the other day

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I was on a call with a
company that I have spent quite a bit

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of money with and it was an
interesting call. And i'll tell you about

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it here in a second because it's
something I normally don't do, but it's

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something I did, and it'll give
you kind of an idea of kind of

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the new direction that I've been moving
in my life, and maybe a direction

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that maybe you need to move in
your life because it will help you and

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it will take out some of the
riff raff and it'll give you more of

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a peace of mind. And also
you'll waste less time, because what we're

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ultimately doing is wasting time. We
are wasting time with these people, We

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are wasting our life. And so
that is what we're going to change today.

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So stay tuned, don't change the
channel. I'll be right back live

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your True Life Perspectives with your host
Mediacy Burgess will be back in We'll be

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back this time in two shakes.
Turn it up and jump in the deep

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end on perspectives. Now here's Ashley. Welcome back live to look your True

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Life Perspectives and I'm your host,
Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I'm

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asking you to examine the people that
you're pain to take care of you in

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your life, the people that you're
pain to be in your life, and

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those are the people that what do
work for you, whether it's a lawyer,

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you're a physician, your doctor,
your therapist, your accountant, and

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the list goes on who you are
pain to be in your life. And

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this is very important to identify because
the people that you're pain to be in

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your life need to not give you
headaches. They need to make your life

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easier, not harder. They don't
want, they don't need to be putting

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you last and giving everybody else attention. They don't need to give you a

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little attention as as not listening to
you. They need to be able to

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pay attention to you. They can't. They're not supposed to bully you,

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tell you what you have to think, or tell you what you have to

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do. These same people are not
know it alls. They don't know everything.

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They don't try to push us down
your throat all the time. These

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same people are working for you.
They're working for you, and a lot

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of times we lose sight of that. We lose sight of that because they

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are working for us. They're doing
a service for us that we are paying

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them to do. And when you
think about who has power in your life,

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you think about your family, your
friends. Okay, but even more

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power are the people you pay right
because usually you're paying them to do a

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big service as far as doing your
taxes, investing your money, taking care

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of your health. These are the
big things that we pay money for right

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listening to us. Our therapists are
coach and these are the people that we

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need to open our eyes to to
be sure that they're there for us.

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And a lot of times we choose
these people not even realizing why we choose

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them. We choose them because of
that pattern that we've been dealing with our

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whole life, the way we were
raised, how mom or dad was.

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You know, we choose people with
the certain personalities that might be bigger than

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life. You know, they're the
life of the party, but yet they're

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bullies, or they're no at alls, or they make us feel small or

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unheard. And I've had so many
clients tell me that, you know,

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like you know, my account is
horrible, like you know, they never

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email me back. They're constantly billing
me for not doing things. I can't

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ever get into contact. If I
try to get in contact, they cut

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me off short. I'm not able
to ask questions. When I ask questions,

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I'm kind of made to feel stupid. Won't listen to them, don't

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like to you know, give them, you know, don't want to listen

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to what the what they have to
say about their health, you know.

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So there's like it's endless and it's
interesting because we're putting these people in power.

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We're giving them power over us to
some degree, and you're hoping,

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just hoping that they'll actually do the
right thing, and that's just not responsible.

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We have to find people that will
listen. We have to find people

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that will take consideration of other thoughts. We have to find people that can

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actually be kind of on the same
level. And it doesn't have to be

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you know, everybody doesn't have to
be the same as you, obviously,

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but to a degree. We need
to find people that share some of our

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same values. We need to find
people that share that value of listening.

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We want to find those people that
share that value of not being a know

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it all of the people that actually, you know, hey, I do

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know some things, but I'll be
the first one to say that maybe I

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don't know that, or I'll be
the first one to say that I could

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always use extra knowledge. All those
things are very important to get to the

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core of a situation, to understand
a situation with clarity, and I think

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a lot of times we choose this
and we look toward behavior and when I

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get back from break. I'm going
to give you this example because it's a

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small example, but it kind of
gets to the core of what we're doing.

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It gets to the core of how
do we begin to stop wasting our

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time? And that's something that we
want to do. You know. The

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biggest thing is identify these people with
power understanding. But then we realize,

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if we're hitting our head against the
wall, if we're paying for headaches,

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how do we stop doing that?
And how do we change that pattern in

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our life? And how do we
let go of these people and begin to

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find people that actually can help us. And we feel good about it.

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We feel good about the connection,
and we feel good about the communication,

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and we feel good about the camaraderie. So stay tuned in I return and

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be talking more about that and giving
you some tips and tricks on that and

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how to overcome this and how to
move on. Ligature Life Perspectives with your

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host me Ashley Burgers, will be
back in. I'll be back this time

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in two shakes. This is Jake
Busey and you're listening to Perspectives with Ashley

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Burges. Welcome back live to Liberty
Life Perspectives and I'm your host Ashley Burgess

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on today's show, I'm talking about
the people we're paying to be in our

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life, the people that we're paying
money to do something for us, whether

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it's a lawyer, a doctor,
a CPA, an accountant, a financial

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advisor, the list goes on.
And these are the people that we need

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to identify first who we've chosen.
And second of all, is there any

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behavior patterns that they exude that they
give that are not conducive to our happiness,

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our joy. They're not conducive to
what's best for us. And I

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find it interesting because a lot of
us are paying people to work for us

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that don't have our best of intent
at heart. They don't listen, they

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don't take as an ac consideration,
they might even bully us, they might

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even be know it alls. And
this is the people that we need to

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let go of in our life to
begin to seek a higher level of people

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that are working with us. So
let's deep die. Because I had a

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funny situation that happened the other day
and I thought I would have to share

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this with you because it kind of
puts in perspective where I am now.

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You kind of on the journey of
this you know, I've really I'm very

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introspective of the people that I have
around me. I'm very aware of the

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people that work with me, and
I'm very aware of the people on pain.

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And the last thing that I'm going
to pay for now is a bunch

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of headaches. And you know,
I used to sit there and you know,

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and get angry about it and him
and hob about you know, somebody

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that wasn't listening to me and they
don't take my word of consideration, or

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you know, they cut me off
a lot, or they're not listening in

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to what I have to say,
or I seem to be the last one

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that gets any sort of response,
and those things are really really challenging.

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But then I realized why am I
dealing with this behavior? I started realizing

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that I didn't have to deal with
this behavior. I started realizing that,

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quite honestly, there was no reason
to deal with this behavior because I was

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paying for it. And the fact
is that I'm paying for it, And

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the fact is if I'm going to
pay for it, I should pay for

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what I want. And by me
just paying for it, I'm basically saying,

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yes, I want this, This
works for me, even though no

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no, no, this doesn't work
for me. And these are the things

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that we have to be aware of. These are the focus points that we

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have to understand. This is it. This is it from A to B.

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This is it. This is what
we have to understand. This is

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what we have to get to to
really understand and consider our life. And

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it's awesome when we finally realize,
wait a second, I can change this.

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I don't have to accept this,
because the next thing that happens is

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when you start realizing that this isn't
working for you. The next step that

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you do is you start trying to
get them to change their behavior. You

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start trying to get them to change
their behavior. But a lot of times

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you're trying to do that by trying
to be a different person. You start

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changing yourself to get this person to
accept you. So but again, why

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it's not a it's you know,
this isn't like we're gonna get money at

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the end of this. This isn't
a talent contest. This isn't okay,

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you know, become the chameleon and
then you're gonna get the million dollar prize.

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No, this is your not become
you're not being you. And on

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top of that, you're feeling like
you can't be you and you're paying this

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person again. You know, we
have to really look at our sense of

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reality here. But the biggest thing
is why do we feel like we want

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to change their behavior? Why don't
we just want to move on? I

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understand, you know, many of
you might be in marriages where you're trying

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to get your spouse because they're your
spouse that you have kids with, and

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you would like them to change their
behavior, and you would like them to

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change their behavior so that you can
have a happier family dynamic. And that's

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what I work on. I totally
understand that that's what a lot of clients

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come to me for and working to
change their behavior so that they don't keep

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getting, you know, triggered by
this person. And that's one thing I

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can understand. Like getting that person
or trying to get that person to see

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their behavior, trying to get them
to understand their behavior. You know,

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that's something that's uh, that's something
that's really super big. But when it

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comes to your lawyer, why do
you need to get them to change their

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behavior? Just change your lawyer.
So the other day I was on the

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phone with a company it was a
GoDaddy. And it was interesting because I

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had the person that was working on
my website with me and some stuff like

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that that was on the call with
us, and I called to get one

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thing changed, and I went through
the you know, the the you know,

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the the AI beginning, and then
you put in your comments and then

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eventually they give you a live person
to talk to you. And the person

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was not understanding what we were asking. So we were asking something very very

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very clear, just one thing,
and just needed one thing to be changed.

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But they kept giving us the wrong
advice. And I said, that's

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that's actually that's that's not gonna work
because that doesn't work with this, and

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I tried to explain it, and
then they kept arguing with me and arguing

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with me. And usually, you
know, like back in the day,

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ten years ago, I would have
been like no, and I would have

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explained it. I hung up.
I hung up. I'm getting nowhere.

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And if I even try to say, hey, put me with somebody else,

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they're going to argue. And I
even said this, I say,

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hey, if you can put me
with somebody with hosting instead of domains,

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that would be helpful, because this
question is directed toward that, and the

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person said, I know everything.
I can talk to you about anything,

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just you know, you're just not
listening to me. And I hung up

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because they were wrong and the know
it all behavior and the wrong information put

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together really pisses me off, especially
when you work for me. Okay,

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I don't like the know it all
behavior and I don't know the wrong I

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don't like the wrong information. I
mean, those things together piss me off.

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And you know, and they pissed
me off for a reason because it's

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like, you work for me.
It's not the other way around. You

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work for me. And so that
is the thing that I want us to

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think about. Is like in the
past, I would have said, hey,

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no that's not really right, or
hey you know, this is what

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it's saying, and trying to explain
to this person, you know, and

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then gone around, you know,
ten to fifteen minutes of wasting my life.

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And all I did is I call
back and I found somebody that knew

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what they were talking about. It
was a very quick, simple thing.

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Took five minutes. I got a
phone. So what I'm saying is this

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is a real lesson for many of
you right now, is to start thinking

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about this. How often you're letting
this behavior go through and be in your

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life? How often are you dealing
with this behavior? How often are you

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not only dealing with this behavior but
placating this behavior? You know, I

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mean I you know, it's think
about it. It's like, how often

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do we get angry because the person
doesn't return our calls? How often do

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we get angry because the deadline's not
met and now we're having to pay a

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penalty because of them not meeting a
deadline? How how often do we deal

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with it? How often do we
deal with the smug know it all attitude

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and hit our head against the wall
because they're not listening to our needs or

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wants or things that we need or
things that are important to us. How

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often do we get to that point? And I think that many of you

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are getting there more often than not. And instead of realizing what the solution

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is, we get lulled into accepting
the reality we're in. We get lolled

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into this, Well, I've been
with so and so for fifteen years,

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and for fifteen years they've done my
taxes, and I'm just gonna suck it

380
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up and deal with them during tax
season. But it's like, but why

381
00:26:38.119 --> 00:26:41.039
why do you want to suck it
up during tax season? Why don't you

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just find another person that understands you
better, that can communicate with you,

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that actually has some respect for other
human beings. I mean, it's really

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not that hard. I mean,
there's there's a thing called Google, there's

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a you know, a search engine. There is uh, you know,

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there's all there's a thing called,
you know, the Internet. There's a

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thing called LinkedIn. There's all kinds
of things that can connect us with people

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and the industries that we need that
aren't going to make us want to vomit.

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And that's what I'm talking about,
because I know a lot of you

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are bending over backwards for these people
that should be doing the opposite because you

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are paying them. And I think
a lot of times we lose sight of

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this, and we lose sight of
this because we're used to that personality.

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We're used to that bigger than life
personality with that person that's telling us what

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to do. We lose that bigger
than life personality with somebody that's telling us

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what to do, and we fall
into that category. We fall into that

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situation, we fall into that problematic
situation. We fall into believing this is

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the only chance, this is the
only person we have, or we just

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get so used to hitting our head
against the wall that we're just used to

399
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it after a while and we feel
like that's just part of it, Like

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I'm just gonna have to go through
this because this is part of the game.

401
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And I had I had a situation
that happened years ago, and I

402
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had hired somebody in an architectural type
position and it was just it was it

403
00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:12.680
was hell. It was hell dealing
with them, and then and then there

404
00:28:12.759 --> 00:28:17.920
was kind of like this disconnect and
an inability to actually hear what I wanted.

405
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It was almost like they listened,
but they didn't. They didn't listen.

406
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They just they they they didn't talk, but they didn't take any of

407
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my situation. I finally was like, screw it. I mean, this

408
00:28:26.079 --> 00:28:30.279
money right here is better is best
well spent to move on? You know

409
00:28:30.279 --> 00:28:32.240
what I mean? Move on because
it's not gonna work. It's gonna be

410
00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:34.519
an uphill battle the whole time.
And you know what, these uphill battles

411
00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:37.759
end up costing a lot of money, and the uphill battles end up being

412
00:28:37.880 --> 00:28:41.559
very painful because if it's already starting
off that way, it's not gonna get

413
00:28:41.559 --> 00:28:45.559
any better. Okay. You know, if if you found a therapist or

414
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:48.720
a life coach that's already judging you
about your life or already acting strains or

415
00:28:48.759 --> 00:28:53.759
already misdiagnosing or miscategorizing, that's a
big red flag to move on. Okay.

416
00:28:53.839 --> 00:28:56.759
Like if this is already happening in
the beginning, that's a problem,

417
00:28:56.799 --> 00:28:59.640
you know. I mean, you
think about it. If you started dating

418
00:28:59.640 --> 00:29:02.960
somebody and on day five there's like
one hundred million red flags? Do you

419
00:29:03.079 --> 00:29:04.519
keep going? Some of you do. I get it, We've all done

420
00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:07.599
it before. I mean, the
red flags are flying and where just letting

421
00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:11.039
it happen. But you know,
most of the time we go, yeah,

422
00:29:11.079 --> 00:29:12.279
I don't know all this. I
think I'm gonna I'm gonna put the

423
00:29:12.319 --> 00:29:15.759
brakes on a bit. And that's
the same thing here, you know.

424
00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:21.279
So analyzing these people and realizing too
that we pick a lot of these types

425
00:29:21.319 --> 00:29:23.480
of personalities based on the way we
were raised. You know, if we

426
00:29:23.480 --> 00:29:26.960
were raised by a father who was
very much of a know it all center

427
00:29:27.000 --> 00:29:30.440
of attention, would bully you or
tell you what you were gonna know,

428
00:29:30.599 --> 00:29:34.440
or tell you how you were gonna
live. That's probably kind of more in

429
00:29:34.480 --> 00:29:37.759
the direction of the people that you
talk to, or more in the direction

430
00:29:37.799 --> 00:29:41.599
of the people that you get advice
from. Because you believe that advice,

431
00:29:41.960 --> 00:29:47.279
You accept that advice, because you
accept that type of personality in your life.

432
00:29:47.480 --> 00:29:51.319
You accept that type of person in
your life. And that's something when

433
00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:55.720
when it's not something that's acceptable behavior
by somebody else because it's not their second

434
00:29:55.839 --> 00:29:57.880
nature or the thing that they're dealt
with, it's very hard to understand.

435
00:29:57.920 --> 00:30:00.000
I mean, I have been in
meeting with people that I am like,

436
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:06.440
this person is a jackass, okay, like they are beyond bad. Why

437
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:11.079
would you spend time with this person? Why would you pay them money to

438
00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:14.480
talk to you like this? And
you know, I know that some of

439
00:30:14.559 --> 00:30:17.160
us feel like we should be punished, you know, because of you know,

440
00:30:17.480 --> 00:30:19.720
because of our own self esteem issues
and our own fear and the stuff

441
00:30:19.720 --> 00:30:23.920
that we've grown up around. But
we have to eventually start understanding what will

442
00:30:23.960 --> 00:30:30.119
bring us joy, what is our
best for us? How do we let

443
00:30:30.160 --> 00:30:34.599
go of some of the stress,
How do we begin to feel heard?

444
00:30:36.079 --> 00:30:41.279
Because life is hard enough and most
people don't listen, So why would you

445
00:30:41.319 --> 00:30:45.000
want to pay someone that doesn't listen
to you. I mean, if anything,

446
00:30:45.079 --> 00:30:48.359
the people you pay should be listening
to you. If anything, the

447
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:52.240
people you pay should be the ones
that listen to you the most. I

448
00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:53.680
mean, that's just the way it
is. I mean, that's why you

449
00:30:53.799 --> 00:30:57.559
pay a good coach, That's why
you pay a good therapist. You know,

450
00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:00.839
that's why people pay me because I'm
a very good listener. But I'm

451
00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:07.559
also a very big you know,
ability to see solution. I can help

452
00:31:07.599 --> 00:31:11.720
people, I can help them get
to that next level. And I'm listening

453
00:31:11.759 --> 00:31:15.640
to every nuance to make that a
reality, every single nuance. Whereas you

454
00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:19.920
know, our family members, our
friends aren't. One they're not taught on

455
00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:23.440
how to do that. Two it
doesn't come second nature. They're not intuitive,

456
00:31:23.480 --> 00:31:26.519
they don't get that. And three
it's not their job to do that.

457
00:31:26.559 --> 00:31:29.839
You know, they might hear it
because any one ear out the other,

458
00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:32.640
and they're starting to give you advice
on something that they do not need

459
00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:36.480
to be giving any advice on,
but they're still doing it. And you

460
00:31:36.519 --> 00:31:41.240
know, sometimes that device is bad
advice, and sometimes that device is horrible

461
00:31:41.240 --> 00:31:45.680
advice. And sometimes the advice we
pay for can be bad advice and the

462
00:31:45.720 --> 00:31:48.839
way that we feel when we walk
out of those meetings could be a bad

463
00:31:48.839 --> 00:31:53.319
feeling, and all these things kind
of culminate in our life, and these

464
00:31:53.319 --> 00:31:56.759
are the things that we need to
be aware of. These are the people

465
00:31:56.799 --> 00:32:00.000
that we're paying, how they make
us feel, and then if we have

466
00:32:00.279 --> 00:32:05.960
fear around letting them go? Do
we have fear around letting them go?

467
00:32:06.079 --> 00:32:08.599
Do we have fear of moving on? Why do we have fear? Why

468
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:13.359
do we Why do we get scared
about not working with them? Why do

469
00:32:13.440 --> 00:32:15.880
we get scared on how they might
feel about us? Why? How do

470
00:32:15.960 --> 00:32:19.599
we get scared about that? Why
are we scared about that? Why are

471
00:32:19.680 --> 00:32:22.440
we worried about that? These are
huge questions to ask because some people are

472
00:32:22.440 --> 00:32:25.279
so scared to move on. Oh
god, what are they going to say?

473
00:32:25.519 --> 00:32:28.400
You know, if I want to
move on, or you know,

474
00:32:28.480 --> 00:32:31.240
I found a new obg y N
and I'm worried how my other doctor's going

475
00:32:31.279 --> 00:32:34.680
to take it when I have to
get the file or whatever. It's like,

476
00:32:34.720 --> 00:32:37.079
what does it matter? You're paying
them? You know, most people

477
00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:40.400
are not going to worry if the
shoe was on the other foot, how

478
00:32:40.440 --> 00:32:45.039
you'd feel. You know, I
know that that person on you know what

479
00:32:45.079 --> 00:32:49.319
that I called to get help.
That was the total note. All that

480
00:32:49.400 --> 00:32:53.680
was giving me bad advice and giving
me bad information and acting like they knew

481
00:32:53.680 --> 00:32:57.039
everything. When I hung up,
they might have got a little pissed,

482
00:32:57.039 --> 00:33:01.000
but they didn't care. On all, they did not care. And so

483
00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:04.920
you know, kind of moving past
that is the fact that it's like,

484
00:33:05.000 --> 00:33:09.960
Okay, you know that in and
of itself is kind of problematic, and

485
00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:15.759
so knowing that and understanding that and
moving on with that and getting all that

486
00:33:15.559 --> 00:33:21.519
is very important and being able to
see those people and move past that and

487
00:33:21.559 --> 00:33:24.680
say, Okay, you know what, I'm going to research people. I'm

488
00:33:24.680 --> 00:33:28.799
going to research people that can help
me. I'm going to research people,

489
00:33:28.839 --> 00:33:34.240
and then I'm going to educate myself, and I'm going to interview these people.

490
00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:37.799
Just because it is a doctor doesn't
mean that you're not going to interview

491
00:33:38.400 --> 00:33:42.440
these people. If it's a lawyer, is this the lawyer you want to

492
00:33:42.559 --> 00:33:45.319
use. Is this the financial advisor
you want to use. Is this the

493
00:33:45.319 --> 00:33:51.160
CPA you want to use? You
know, is this the psychologist you want

494
00:33:51.200 --> 00:33:53.359
to use? Is this the law
and service person you want to use?

495
00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:59.240
All these things are very very very
very important and things that we need to

496
00:33:59.279 --> 00:34:02.480
think about, things that we need
to take into consideration. So these are

497
00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:05.759
the things we want to think about. These are the things we want to

498
00:34:05.759 --> 00:34:08.679
put in perspective. These are the
things that we want to understand, and

499
00:34:08.840 --> 00:34:13.800
this is the direction we want to
go to eliminate some of the headaches and

500
00:34:13.920 --> 00:34:17.239
stress in our life. These are
the things we want to eliminate and we

501
00:34:17.280 --> 00:34:22.280
want to change that, augment that
and stop hitting our hair against the wall

502
00:34:22.679 --> 00:34:27.119
and stop paying for headaches. So
stay tuned. If you haven't already,

503
00:34:27.119 --> 00:34:30.920
please check out my YouTube channel.
Go to Ashley Burgess on YouTube search up

504
00:34:30.960 --> 00:34:35.159
Ashley Burgess or search up life coach
Ashley Burgess and you can find new video

505
00:34:35.239 --> 00:34:37.880
content almost every day of the week. We have over a thousand videos up

506
00:34:37.880 --> 00:34:42.719
there, and one minute videos up
there as well, and long form videos.

507
00:34:42.840 --> 00:34:45.440
So stay tuned. The podcast is
not over with Live Your True Life

508
00:34:45.480 --> 00:34:51.360
Perspectives with Me, your host,
Ashley Burgers, will be back in I'll

509
00:34:51.400 --> 00:34:54.679
be back this time. Hmmm,
Actually, I'll be back this time in

510
00:34:54.719 --> 00:35:13.920
two shakes. Get in here.
You're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

511
00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:19.039
Welcome back live to Live your True
Life perspectives, and I'm your host,

512
00:35:19.119 --> 00:35:23.159
Ashley Burgess on today's show, I've
been helping to help us identify who we're

513
00:35:23.199 --> 00:35:27.079
pain in our life. Who are
the people that were paying in our life

514
00:35:27.079 --> 00:35:30.840
to do services for us, that
their behavior is actually a problem, that

515
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:34.639
actually working with them is actually creating
headaches in our life, and we're actually

516
00:35:34.639 --> 00:35:37.440
paying for headaches from them, you
know, because a lot of times with

517
00:35:37.519 --> 00:35:39.840
these people that we're paying, they
might be putting us last, not listening

518
00:35:39.840 --> 00:35:44.639
to us, not focusing on what
we're saying. They could be bullies,

519
00:35:45.159 --> 00:35:49.920
no it all, And they're the
people in power in our lives, and

520
00:35:49.960 --> 00:35:52.800
why do we allow them to be
in power? Why do we continue to

521
00:35:52.840 --> 00:35:54.480
allow this behavior in our life?
And why do we think that we can

522
00:35:54.559 --> 00:35:58.599
change their behavior? Why do we
think that this is part of our reality?

523
00:35:58.679 --> 00:36:01.280
It's not, And why do we
want to waste the time trying to

524
00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:05.559
do it? And that is a
big, big, big question, And

525
00:36:05.599 --> 00:36:07.920
this is something I want us to
think about, and I want us to

526
00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:10.159
begin to start looking into other people
that Mike can help us do the things

527
00:36:10.199 --> 00:36:14.079
that we need to do that instead
of beating our head against the wall,

528
00:36:14.159 --> 00:36:16.480
instead of getting bad information or instead
of somebody being a know it all and

529
00:36:16.519 --> 00:36:21.679
giving us wrong information or just making
us feel kind of bad about ourselves.

530
00:36:22.119 --> 00:36:24.599
What about if we begin to analyze
what actually will work for us? How

531
00:36:24.599 --> 00:36:28.639
do we get somebody that actually cares
about what we're doing? And how do

532
00:36:28.679 --> 00:36:34.400
we find someone that makes us feel
heard? And basically all this boils down

533
00:36:34.400 --> 00:36:39.159
to is how do we find people
to work with that don't waste our time?

534
00:36:40.960 --> 00:36:45.079
How do we find people that work
with that don't waste our time,

535
00:36:45.119 --> 00:36:47.440
that actually bring back, that give
back, that do things for us?

536
00:36:47.559 --> 00:36:52.320
How do we find that in our
life? And that's something I want you

537
00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:53.639
to really think about today. I
want you to think about this. If

538
00:36:53.679 --> 00:36:57.920
you have to listen to this podcast
multiple times, maybe you're you know,

539
00:36:58.079 --> 00:37:02.039
you're cooking or doing laundry, or
working out, or just sitting and listening

540
00:37:02.039 --> 00:37:05.440
to this, I want you to
really analyze. I think about each one

541
00:37:05.480 --> 00:37:08.000
of these people you're pain. You
know, whether you have a personal trainer

542
00:37:08.079 --> 00:37:14.039
perhaps, or a hairstylist even and
you know, if the hairstyles is constantly

543
00:37:14.039 --> 00:37:15.719
not listening to what you want and
you keep walking out of there and your

544
00:37:15.719 --> 00:37:21.119
hair's too short or it's the wrong
color, why God, why why?

545
00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:25.079
Why? Why do that anymore?
Find someone that'll listen to you so that

546
00:37:25.119 --> 00:37:28.679
you're not constantly going, oh my
god, what happened to my hair?

547
00:37:29.599 --> 00:37:31.239
I mean, think about it,
like, why if you're going to a

548
00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:35.800
trainer where you're constantly getting hurt,
find another trainer. If you're going to

549
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:38.599
a trainer that's constantly you know,
dropping the ball, and this is something

550
00:37:38.599 --> 00:37:42.760
that you need to do, that's
proactive for you, find someone else that's

551
00:37:42.800 --> 00:37:47.400
going to be consistent. There are
other people. It just takes time to

552
00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:52.400
find them. And sometimes it takes
time, and sometimes it's annoying, and

553
00:37:52.480 --> 00:37:57.159
sometimes we have to do our due
diligence and sometimes we have to look and

554
00:37:57.159 --> 00:38:00.840
say, okay, I'm seeing it. But over time, we begin to

555
00:38:00.840 --> 00:38:04.159
find those people, and we find
the people that matter in our lives.

556
00:38:04.840 --> 00:38:07.320
We find people that matter in our
lives. We find people that you know,

557
00:38:07.360 --> 00:38:10.599
are helping us in our lives.
We find people that are actually giving

558
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:15.280
and helping and there and they're actually
in the role of a supportive role.

559
00:38:16.119 --> 00:38:21.079
And that's the part, is that
supportive role, you know, and so

560
00:38:21.159 --> 00:38:23.719
you need to begin to interview those
people. If it's a lawyer, if

561
00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:28.000
you're going through a divorce and you
need to find a lawyer, get the

562
00:38:28.119 --> 00:38:31.199
right one. The last thing you
want to do is to fight your spouse

563
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:35.880
you're soon to be ex spoused,
and your lawyer all the time. Because

564
00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:38.079
that's a lot. And I know
a lot of people that before they started

565
00:38:38.079 --> 00:38:42.079
working with me, they contacted me
when they just and I said, no,

566
00:38:42.079 --> 00:38:44.239
no, no, you just got
this lawyer and you're already having these

567
00:38:44.280 --> 00:38:46.719
problems and you just started two days
in. Now uh uh, let's get

568
00:38:46.760 --> 00:38:51.480
a list of other people and let's
begin to interview these people so we find

569
00:38:51.519 --> 00:38:54.199
the right one for you. And
that's what we need to find. That's

570
00:38:54.199 --> 00:38:57.719
what we want to do, and
that is what we're going to do.

571
00:38:57.760 --> 00:39:01.159
It's about finding our power, you
know, it's about finding our power,

572
00:39:01.920 --> 00:39:07.880
and you know, not allowing other
people to bully us and not allowing people

573
00:39:07.880 --> 00:39:12.119
to tell us what we're going to
do, instead of finding people that can

574
00:39:12.159 --> 00:39:15.800
work with us and help us and
help our life to be the best life

575
00:39:15.840 --> 00:39:19.039
it can be. I hope this
show has connected with you and helped you,

576
00:39:19.079 --> 00:39:21.639
and I hope that you can share
this with a family member or a

577
00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:24.079
friend that might be dealing with this, and you might have a friend right

578
00:39:24.119 --> 00:39:27.960
now that's like, oh my god, you know, my doctor won't listen

579
00:39:27.960 --> 00:39:30.400
to me, or I really need
this and they're not paying attention, and

580
00:39:30.440 --> 00:39:32.440
you've said it over and over again, and maybe this podcast can say it

581
00:39:32.480 --> 00:39:36.599
better. You know, maybe you
have a relative that needs to hear this

582
00:39:36.679 --> 00:39:39.119
information. You know, maybe you're
getting tired of being the one that they

583
00:39:39.159 --> 00:39:43.480
come to and bitching about the situation. You'd like them to just solve it.

584
00:39:43.920 --> 00:39:46.039
This might be the podcast to send
to that family member, friend,

585
00:39:46.679 --> 00:39:50.719
relative. Just send them the link, send them the link and say,

586
00:39:50.719 --> 00:39:52.079
hey, this is something I think
you need to listen to you because I

587
00:39:52.119 --> 00:39:55.719
think that this is something that actually
connects to you and could really help you,

588
00:39:57.039 --> 00:40:00.920
because you could actually find somebody better
and somebody that really helps you with

589
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.480
your needs. And again, if
you haven't already, check out the YouTube

590
00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:07.400
channel, just go to YouTube,
go to Ashley Burgess or life coach Ashley

591
00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:12.760
Burgess and check out the website as
well. So check out the website,

592
00:40:12.800 --> 00:40:16.440
go to Ashley Burgess dot com,
ASHLEYB. E Rges dot com And if

593
00:40:16.440 --> 00:40:20.039
you'd like to set up a coaching
session with me, just go to coaching

594
00:40:20.039 --> 00:40:22.239
sessions click on that You can set
it up right there. If you'd like

595
00:40:22.320 --> 00:40:25.280
to chat or send me a message, go to the same website, Ashley

596
00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:30.039
Burgers dot com, click on that
contact page and send me a message and

597
00:40:30.079 --> 00:40:34.559
I'll get back to you as soon
as possible. In the meantime, who

598
00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:37.199
are we paying to be around us? Who are we paying to take help

599
00:40:37.280 --> 00:40:40.440
us? Are they the right people? Stop trying to change behavior and find

600
00:40:40.480 --> 00:40:44.679
someone that works. Live your true
life perspectives with your host me, Ashley

601
00:40:44.719 --> 00:40:46.079
Burgess will be back in I'll be
back this time. You know it.

602
00:40:46.159 --> 00:40:50.679
I'll be back this time in three
shakes.