Oct. 22, 2025

Trapped by a Malignant Narcissist? Identify Sociopathic and Narcissistic Abuse. [Ep 804]

Trapped by a Malignant Narcissist? Identify Sociopathic and Narcissistic Abuse. [Ep 804]
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The word narcissist and the concept of narcissism is brought constantly in our society. However, narcissism isn’t one size fits all, there are different types of narcissism. The five common types of narcissism are overt, covert, vulnerable, communal, antagonistic, and malignant. The most dangerous form of narcissism is malignant narcissism. Malignant narcissism and sociopaths, antisocial personality disorder, have a lot of signs in common. These types of people thrive on control, creating fear, and emotional manipulating and gaslighting their victims. . These types of relationships often begin with love bombing and charm before gradually turning into uncertainty, loneliness, and confusion. This episode will give you a clear perspective if you've ever had to walk on eggshells, kept quiet to maintain peace, or doubted your own reality. I'll explain the tactics used by malignant narcissists and sociopaths, such as gaslighting, love bombing, and emotional blackmail, and why it can be so difficult to escape their cycle. You'll learn how to recognize their toxic patterns, how to work on maintaining composure, and how to reclaim your sense of identity. Once you understand what is really happening, you can stop trying to fix them and start focusing on healing yourself.




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WEBVTT

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You're in a good place now.

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You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back live to the Ashley Burgess Show formerly known

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as Liberty Life Perspectives.

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I know that many of us have had maybe.

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One or two symptoms of narcissism, whether it's we're looking

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for added attention in our life or sometimes maybe being

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self centered on certain subject matters. But having one or

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two symptoms of narcissism is very different than someone who

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is dealing with malignant narcissism, which is the extreme version

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of narcissism, or someone with sociopathic or anti social personality disorder.

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And in today's podcast, I really want to talk about

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these two disorders, and I want to talk about them

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specifically because I think that many people are in relationships

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with people that have these signs and symptoms. They entered

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into these relationships not really knowing what they were dealing with.

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Maybe they were overlooking a red flag or two or

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three for whatever reason that is, and now they're in

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a situation where they're almost like in a prison situation

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because they've been separated from friends and family. Other people

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don't know or understand the situation, and they also might

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not clearly understand the situation that they're currently dealing with,

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because sometimes we can be in a situation and not

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fully know exactly what we're dealing with and if there

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is an actual definition or even a title for this situation.

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So this is going to be exposing some stuff here

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on the podcast. And this podcast is dedicated to anyone

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who saw a few red flags but thought, hey, things

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can get better, things are going to change, They're go away.

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You know, it's for that person, because I know that

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we all want the best for situations. We all want

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people to be able to get better or augment or change,

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and we all hope for that, but sometimes that's just

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not going to happen, and so we're going to be

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talking about that in today's podcast.

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So let's begin exploring the.

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Symptoms and signs of sociopathic behavior as well as a

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malignant narcissistic behavior, because these are very important to understand.

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They're not the same thing, they are a bit different,

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but they are very similar. I think that I've given

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that example many times when I've talked about like borderline

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personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and histrionic personality disorder. I

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talk about them all being in like the van, right,

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it's like the three kids in the back seat in

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the van, and how they're sitting really closely together and

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they kind of overlap sometimes, like you know, when you're

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going to a pothole or whatever, you might hit someone

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else's leg, or you might kind of roll onto somebody.

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And so there are some similarities similar in both of

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these situations, and we're going to talk about that today

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as well. One of the examples that I want to

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offer is that when you're living in a situation like

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this with somebody with these signs and symptoms, it's like

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living much like you're living with an alcoholic or a

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drug addict. And why I mean that is that a

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lot of times when somebody is in a relationship with

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somebody that's an alcoholic or a drug at the other

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person is very codependent. The other person feels like they

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can get that person to slow down or stop. They

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think if I just act a certain way, if I

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just do this, if I don't talk about that, if

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I just listen to what they want to talk about,

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or if I don't bring up anything about myself, everything's

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gonna be fine. Okay, I just want to keep the peace.

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I want to keep the peace. I just don't want

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to have any arguments or fights. I gotta get through tonight.

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I can go back to work tomorrow and then I'll

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suck it all up and go home and deal with

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it again at seven o'clock tomorrow night, and I'll go

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through the whole process keeping the peace, getting up, leaving

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the house, and going through that. So, anybody that's living

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with someone that's a malignant narcissist or has sociopathic tendencies,

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you know exactly what I'm talking about, and the fact

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that you're constantly trying to keep the peace and in

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the process you are completely losing your identity. You're losing

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yourself in the process, you're not even able to talk

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about how you feel or what.

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You think or any of that.

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None of that matters because you know, if you bring

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it up, you're going to be attacked verbally and maybe physically.

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You're going to be attacked. They're going to get angry

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with you, they're gonna fight with you. And so those

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are things that we're going to talk about in today's podcast.

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You know, one of the things I want to.

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Bring up first, though, is that a lot of times

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we don't really think about these things because in the

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beginning of this relationship, that person seemed really great on paper, right,

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they seemed really great on paper. Maybe they were really outgoing, right,

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had a great personality, or maybe they seemed to be successful,

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or they told you how successful or how smart they

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are were and then there's a lot of love bombing.

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There's a lot of giving you attention. And this is

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a perfect puzzle piece for anybody with codependent tendencies. It's

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also a perfect puzzle piece for anybody that's empathic and

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doesn't understand how to safeguard being an EmPATH because you know,

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these people are gonna have issues. You're going to try

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to save them, help them that sort of thing in

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the process, but they're just gonna you know, they're just

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gonna beat you.

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Up for it. And they all start the relationships will

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start with love bombing.

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Right. You're getting all this attention. You're getting all this

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attention that you want. And everybody likes attention, even if

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you have code pend aitendencies.

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We all like attention. Right.

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Maybe it's the sex, Maybe it's falling into the relationship

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very quickly. In that process, it's like a whirlwind. Right,

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you're overlooking those red flags. You know a lot of

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times too, people have that fear of being alone, right,

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We have that fear of being alone. We have that

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fear of not having somebody, So we would rather instead

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of like choosing maybe waiting and choosing somebody that might

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seem to be better or maybe somebody that we feel

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more comfortable with, We're like, oh gosh, you know, I

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have in a relationship in this long and you know,

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I might as well go on with this. I don't

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want to be alone. And so some of you may

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be dealing with this directly right now in your current life.

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Some of you may have run away from this type

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of relationship and you're just you know, you're just finally

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breathing at this point. And some of you are watching

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your friends go through this on a day to day basis,

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and it is like watching a sad, horrible train wreck.

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So whether you're in one or two or three of

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these categories, you understand the significance of getting this information.

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Out now no way, shape or form.

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In this podcast, am I discussing benign or narcissistic light.

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This is not at all we're talking about. People can

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have science and symptoms of narcissism. It doesn't make them

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a malignant narciss It doesn't make them, you know, a sociopath.

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That is not what we're talking about. Everybody can have

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a sign or symptom, doesn't make them a full on narcissist.

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So let's deep dive into the signs of a malignant

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narcissist and these common behaviors that a malignant narcissist is

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going to display. The first big one and this doesn't

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just apply only to milignant narcissists, but it's a big

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one for it, and that is paranoia. And paranoia is

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really a big underlying theme. It's they mistrust other people.

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They believe that other people are conspiring plotting against them

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on a constant basis. If you're in a relationship with them,

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they are probably thinking that you are doing stuff behind

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their back. Maybe you're courting them on video or you're

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talking behind their back. They're going to be constantly questioning

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you because they're completely paranoid. And sometimes that's because they're

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doing those exact things back to you without you knowing.

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So sometimes it's because you know, hey, that's what they're doing,

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and so what's good for the good, it's good for

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the gander kind of thing. But the other side of

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the coin is they are very paranoid of everybody and everything,

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and that's that's sad because that gets in the way

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of a normal relationship. They're constantly questioning everybody, everybody's motives,

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everybody's agenda, and you can feel like you're in lockdown

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if you're living with somebody like this, because they don't

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want anybody around, they don't want to go out, they

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don't want to do anything. And then if they do

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do something like go out or hang out with friends

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of yours or what have you, they're going to have

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lots of things to say about them. They're going to,

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you know, basically disparage them and talk about how horrible

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they are because they're going to want to try to

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keep you for their own so they can keep their

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two eyes on you at all times. Another aspect of

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loognant narcissism, what I think is interesting, is kind of

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that sadism kind of situation where they like to see

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people in pain, they like to see people discomfort, they

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like to see people feeling bad. They don't want you

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to feel comfortable. That's not something that they want. They

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want you to always be on edge they and they

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like it. They like to see you squirm. Okay, that's

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something they like.

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They really do.

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They like to see you upset. They'll say things and

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do things on purpose to anger you. They might even

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talk about your mother or your father, your grandmother, your

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best friend, your brother, your sister, and they will say

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some of the most deplorable things about them over and

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over again, wanting you to react, loving it. When you

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get angry, that fuels them. And so remember, if you're

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in a situation like this, you don't want to give

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this person fuel because you're just playing into their hand.

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And it's hard because it's triggering.

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Right.

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They'll pick the out worst comments they can make about

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some of the closest people to you, or even you right,

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making fun of you, putting you down, those types of

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things and knowing what really gets to you, right, and

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then they'll harp on it all day, all night, hours

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and hours to watch you squirm, to watch you get upset,

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to watch you lose. It is what they're looking for.

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And this all leads into the concept that they are

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master manipulators. They can manipulate anybody, right, They manipulate you

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through lies. They are constant liars, by the way. These

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people will lie about absolutely everything. They will blackmail you,

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they will guilt you all this to get their goals

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and their needs met. They might blackmail you for a

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long period of time, like I remember when you did this,

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or I remember when you were doing these drugs, and

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it would be horrible for your employer to find out

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that you do drugs, or it would be horrible for

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this person to find out XYZ about you. You know,

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I mean, all I would have to do is send

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a simple email to And so they're constantly using this

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blackmail to keep you there, to keep you in check, right,

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so that they always have you, they always have something

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over your head. And so you're constantly in this relationship,

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really upset about being in it, realizing that this is

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a really painful relationship, praying it gets better, but every

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day it seems to get a little bit worse.

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But on top of that, this person is.

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Basically blackmailing you and saying they're going to do all

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these things, and so you're in fear of leaving the relationship.

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It's interesting too, because they are very controlling, They control,

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They're complete control. People they want to control you. They

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are completely out of control. Okay, and I've always known

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that even at young age when I was growing up.

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But anybody that tries to control you all the time

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is completely out of control. Like they don't know how

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to control themselves. They don't know how to deal with

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their own issues, and so they want to control your feelings,

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your behaviors, your actions, everything, because they can't control themselves,

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and so if they control you, they're kind of the

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master of you, right, And so they like that because

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they love to control people. They like to make things painful,

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they like to make people jump through hoops, they like

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to make things difficult. So also there's a difficult formation

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of social bonds with them, so they don't build healthy,

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lasting relationships with other people.

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They just don't.

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I mean, as you can see if you're in the situation,

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or if you've recently exited stage right, or you're watching

231
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somebody from a distance in this situation. And that's kind

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of the hardest because if you have a friend that's

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in a relationship with somebody that is a malignant narcissist,

234
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impossible with anti social personality disorder, you're probably not talking

235
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to your friend much because that other person has positioned

236
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it where you're the bad person, you're the evil person.

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They must separate from you because remember, it's about it,

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you know, it's about brainwashing somebody and completely controlling every

239
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aspect of their Okay, they also have a lack of remorse.

240
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They don't care.

241
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About what they do. They're not like, oh, I better

242
00:12:06.399 --> 00:12:08.919
not do that because that's bad. No, it's like they

243
00:12:08.919 --> 00:12:11.600
don't care about harrying you. They don't care about hurting you.

244
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They don't care. You're just a means to an ends anyway.

245
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You're a stepping stone.

246
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And I hate to say that, but with a malignant narcissist,

247
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you're like the rock on the ground where they step

248
00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:20.879
on your.

249
00:12:20.720 --> 00:12:21.759
Head to get over you.

250
00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:24.639
Right, And so they'll step on your head every single

251
00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:28.279
day in order to jump over you. If you were drowning,

252
00:12:28.679 --> 00:12:31.279
they would step on your head push you under the water. Okay,

253
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that's just how it is. And I hate to say

254
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this because I know that a lot of you say, well,

255
00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:36.279
maybe they can get help.

256
00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:37.639
Well, maybe they can get.

257
00:12:37.440 --> 00:12:40.600
Help, but the big, the big, big hallmark of these

258
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folks is they don't want help. They don't feel like

259
00:12:43.799 --> 00:12:46.919
they need help. They feel like you're the problem. You

260
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are the problem, you're the one that you're the weak one.

261
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Okay.

262
00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:53.080
And I hate to say it this way because I

263
00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:54.559
know that people don't want to hear this, and I

264
00:12:54.600 --> 00:12:56.480
know that you're not if you're in the situation, you're.

265
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Like, God, that's horrible.

266
00:12:58.159 --> 00:12:59.960
But I have to speak the truth because I think

267
00:13:00.120 --> 00:13:02.879
once you hear the truth and you realize what they

268
00:13:02.919 --> 00:13:06.639
really are about, you realize it's not about rehabilitating. You

269
00:13:06.720 --> 00:13:11.080
realize it's about you saving your own ass. Okay, there's

270
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a time when you go you consider and help everybody

271
00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:15.440
and get everybody you know, Like, let's say that the

272
00:13:15.519 --> 00:13:18.480
ship is sinking and you're helping everybody get on the lifeboat.

273
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That's great.

274
00:13:19.480 --> 00:13:22.559
But if you're helping somebody get on the lifeboat, that's

275
00:13:22.639 --> 00:13:26.720
going to basically shoot holes in the lifeboat and kill everybody. Anyway,

276
00:13:26.919 --> 00:13:28.879
you need to think twice about how who you're put

277
00:13:28.919 --> 00:13:32.440
on that lifeboat. And sometimes in these relationships, the only

278
00:13:32.480 --> 00:13:35.720
way out is by yourself. You can't take them with you, right,

279
00:13:36.039 --> 00:13:38.440
And so remember that. I hate to say that, but

280
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if somebody's not willing to get help, and they're not

281
00:13:40.440 --> 00:13:42.559
getting help and they're going around it, and they're causing

282
00:13:42.639 --> 00:13:45.279
chaos and violence and anger in your life. You need

283
00:13:45.320 --> 00:13:47.399
to really step back and decide what you want to do.

284
00:13:48.159 --> 00:13:52.679
So a militia narcissist isn't exactly the same as a sociopath.

285
00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:55.679
We know that, but the terms are kind of used

286
00:13:55.720 --> 00:13:59.840
interchangeably to describe folks that have a combination of narcissistic

287
00:13:59.799 --> 00:14:04.279
tree as well as anti social personality disorder traits.

288
00:14:04.600 --> 00:14:09.360
Okay, so one of the biggest, you know, situations.

289
00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:11.120
So they have lots of things that they really I

290
00:14:11.159 --> 00:14:13.879
guess they connect with. So the dots that connect is

291
00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:17.120
they have a lack of empathy right across the board

292
00:14:17.679 --> 00:14:21.519
both groups. They have a tendency of being cruel and

293
00:14:21.639 --> 00:14:25.120
mean and sadistic both groups, and they're cool with that.

294
00:14:25.120 --> 00:14:29.759
That gives them fuel, and malignant narcissism is kind of

295
00:14:29.960 --> 00:14:33.320
it's obviously the more complex version and the most dangerous

296
00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:38.960
version of narcissism right where you know, people display anti

297
00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:43.440
social and stadistic tendencies. So you see how this really overlaps. Okay,

298
00:14:43.480 --> 00:14:47.639
so let's talk about sociopathic or anti social personality traits

299
00:14:47.639 --> 00:14:49.519
because I think this needs to be discussed because as

300
00:14:49.559 --> 00:14:52.240
long as we get this out in the open, we

301
00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:55.480
have a discussion about it. There's no confusion anymore. Right,

302
00:14:55.679 --> 00:14:58.159
we're not trying to label this on everybody. Okay, that's

303
00:14:58.200 --> 00:15:01.120
not what we're doing here. Not everybody is this, you

304
00:15:01.120 --> 00:15:04.039
know they're not. But if you're in this situation, you

305
00:15:04.200 --> 00:15:05.519
need to know what you're dealing with.

306
00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:05.919
Okay.

307
00:15:05.960 --> 00:15:08.679
You need to have all the arsenal you can of

308
00:15:08.799 --> 00:15:11.799
knowledge to be able to power through this and get

309
00:15:11.840 --> 00:15:13.080
yourself to saveground.

310
00:15:13.559 --> 00:15:13.799
Okay.

311
00:15:13.879 --> 00:15:20.919
So antisocial personality traits lack of empathy. Okay, there you go.

312
00:15:21.000 --> 00:15:23.519
That's a big one. We've talked about that. What about

313
00:15:23.559 --> 00:15:26.679
impulsive behavior. They can be very impulsive. They can do

314
00:15:26.720 --> 00:15:30.519
things very impulsively. Not everything about consequences. There are never

315
00:15:30.639 --> 00:15:33.519
any consequences when it comes to these folks. They will

316
00:15:33.559 --> 00:15:36.720
do whatever they want. They don't even think about it. Okay, bam,

317
00:15:36.919 --> 00:15:40.559
they're gonna do it. They want to control others, right,

318
00:15:40.639 --> 00:15:43.960
They always are always wanting to control you. And I

319
00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:46.960
can use the word always in this situation because that

320
00:15:47.080 --> 00:15:50.480
is fact. They want to control you, and they will

321
00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:54.279
threaten you, and they will get aggressive with you all

322
00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:58.639
to control you, what you do, what you say, how

323
00:15:58.679 --> 00:16:02.120
you look where you go, who you talk to, everything.

324
00:16:02.759 --> 00:16:05.440
I mean, it's like they want to be literally like

325
00:16:06.120 --> 00:16:08.720
you know, not even a parole officer. I mean, they

326
00:16:08.759 --> 00:16:11.399
want to be the warden of the prison where they

327
00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:13.159
tell you when, what you can do, when you can

328
00:16:13.200 --> 00:16:15.399
go to the bathroom, all that stuff, because that's the

329
00:16:15.480 --> 00:16:18.000
kind of control that they want to have over you. Right.

330
00:16:19.559 --> 00:16:23.399
Interesting enough too, they are intelligent, right, they do have

331
00:16:23.519 --> 00:16:26.639
charm and they do have charisma. And so that's why

332
00:16:26.679 --> 00:16:29.919
in the beginning when you met this person, or when

333
00:16:29.919 --> 00:16:33.320
your friend met this person, or in the relationship that

334
00:16:33.399 --> 00:16:35.639
you just left, when you go back and you remember

335
00:16:35.679 --> 00:16:40.080
the beginning of the relationship, there was charm, there was charisma.

336
00:16:40.200 --> 00:16:42.360
There was like, oh wow, this person's you know, they're

337
00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:46.480
very interesting. They're charming, right, And it was really quick

338
00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:48.799
to kind of, you know, as you felt like form

339
00:16:48.879 --> 00:16:51.840
a bond, even though the bond wasn't wasn't really a

340
00:16:51.879 --> 00:16:54.600
real bond. It was more of a trauma bond if anything. Right,

341
00:16:54.919 --> 00:16:58.399
But they're really good at creating that that narrative where

342
00:16:58.440 --> 00:17:00.639
you kind of fall into it and they give you

343
00:17:00.679 --> 00:17:03.480
that attention and it's same. I mean, sociopathic people are

344
00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:07.519
very good at this because they're playing a role, a

345
00:17:07.640 --> 00:17:09.440
role like from a TV show or a movie. They're

346
00:17:09.440 --> 00:17:11.799
playing this role. So also another thing is they don't

347
00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:14.000
learn from any mistakes. They don't learn from any punishment.

348
00:17:14.039 --> 00:17:16.759
Punishment doesn't mean anything. You punish them all you want,

349
00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:20.079
doesn't matter, It doesn't matter because remember, they're still getting attention.

350
00:17:21.079 --> 00:17:23.319
And the funny thing about these folks that it's really

351
00:17:23.319 --> 00:17:24.640
not funny. I don't know how you want to look

352
00:17:24.680 --> 00:17:26.480
at it, but they don't care what kind of.

353
00:17:26.440 --> 00:17:27.440
Attention they get.

354
00:17:27.799 --> 00:17:29.640
They don't care at all, And they don't care about

355
00:17:29.640 --> 00:17:32.880
making mistakes or getting punished or getting in trouble, doesn't matter,

356
00:17:33.400 --> 00:17:37.720
doesn't matter at all. They will lie too, So you know,

357
00:17:38.039 --> 00:17:42.720
recently we did some videos on sociopathic you know, and

358
00:17:43.640 --> 00:17:47.200
sociopathic type of liars, you know, people that will lie,

359
00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:52.160
you know, for anything, and it's all it's very interesting

360
00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:57.480
because when people do lie about, you know, if they're

361
00:17:57.480 --> 00:17:59.680
a pathological liar. And I think that's one of the

362
00:17:59.720 --> 00:18:03.400
reasons and videos that we put out on YouTube. You know,

363
00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:08.039
being a pathological liar is interesting and people can lie, right,

364
00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:11.039
and I know that I think it's funny that we

365
00:18:11.039 --> 00:18:13.200
still call it a white lie. I'm not really sure

366
00:18:13.240 --> 00:18:16.279
about that. But people can lie about things to you know,

367
00:18:16.319 --> 00:18:19.599
to safeguard people's feelings and that sort of thing.

368
00:18:19.799 --> 00:18:21.799
People can also be habitual.

369
00:18:21.359 --> 00:18:24.839
Liars, right, They can be habitual liars and lie about stuff.

370
00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:28.240
Or people can be pathological.

371
00:18:27.519 --> 00:18:31.759
Liars, and I see that the anti social personality or

372
00:18:31.799 --> 00:18:37.519
the sociopathic. Yeah, they can be pathological liars. They will

373
00:18:37.559 --> 00:18:42.279
lie about absolutely anything. And that's what's so hard with

374
00:18:42.359 --> 00:18:44.079
these people too, is you don't know where you're coming

375
00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:45.759
and when you're going. You don't know your head from

376
00:18:45.799 --> 00:18:48.720
your ass sometimes because when you jump in head first

377
00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:51.119
of these relationships and you don't realize what you're doing

378
00:18:51.720 --> 00:18:55.079
or what's going on in this relationship. The person's telling

379
00:18:55.119 --> 00:18:58.759
you so many things that you believe or you don't

380
00:18:58.759 --> 00:19:00.400
know not to believe. It's not like you're like, oh,

381
00:19:00.440 --> 00:19:02.640
you know, I'm being lied to you. You don't know

382
00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:04.839
the difference, You don't know what's going on, and so

383
00:19:04.920 --> 00:19:07.720
you just go along with it. And so they're lying

384
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:10.240
to get personal gained, you know, they're lying to get

385
00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:12.160
their needs met. And that's a big deal with these

386
00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:15.279
people is they lie constantly to make sure that their

387
00:19:15.319 --> 00:19:17.440
needs are met, no matter how they have to lie.

388
00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:22.039
They also anti social personality disorder folks. Well.

389
00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:24.119
Also they can get physically violent.

390
00:19:25.480 --> 00:19:28.720
They can have fights, they can fight you, okay, and

391
00:19:28.759 --> 00:19:32.119
you see this. You see this a lot where people

392
00:19:32.119 --> 00:19:34.400
will start these types of fights because again, remember there

393
00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:37.559
is no responsibility and there's no fear of punishment.

394
00:19:37.880 --> 00:19:40.000
So I mean, what do you have there?

395
00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:42.880
So they're willing to go to all ends to you know,

396
00:19:43.000 --> 00:19:46.799
make their point known. I also find too that they

397
00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:50.559
are very kind of shallow in relationships. There's not a

398
00:19:50.599 --> 00:19:53.319
lot of depth there. I mean basically, all you have

399
00:19:53.480 --> 00:19:59.400
is this really highly skilled, manipulative, lying, coercion type individual

400
00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:02.880
that it's impulsive and there's not like this deep spiritual

401
00:20:03.079 --> 00:20:07.079
being there that that doesn't exist. So you're in a

402
00:20:07.160 --> 00:20:10.799
relationship with this person that's very superficial. And they can

403
00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:15.079
be very attractive to malignant narcissists and people with anti

404
00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:17.599
social can some people can be unattractive as well.

405
00:20:17.640 --> 00:20:18.759
And it's not just attractive.

406
00:20:18.759 --> 00:20:21.039
People can be unattractive, but you can find some very

407
00:20:21.039 --> 00:20:23.559
attractive people as well, and that a lot of times

408
00:20:23.559 --> 00:20:26.640
people fall into that trap. That person looks nice, well

409
00:20:26.640 --> 00:20:28.839
it looks and you know, it looks can be deceiving.

410
00:20:29.519 --> 00:20:32.039
You know it looks can't also play into the hand

411
00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:35.039
here as well, because you're looking at something else when

412
00:20:35.039 --> 00:20:37.559
you need to probably be thinking about something deeper anyway,

413
00:20:37.720 --> 00:20:39.200
and you're falling into this trap.

414
00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:40.359
You know.

415
00:20:40.440 --> 00:20:44.480
Also the interesting concept too, is that you know they

416
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:47.759
will even commit crimes. They're okay with that because remember

417
00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:50.079
there's no punishment issues, we don't care about it, and

418
00:20:50.160 --> 00:20:53.920
you know, there's no responsibility. And they're also known to

419
00:20:54.039 --> 00:20:59.680
sometimes threaten suicide. And they do this to manipulate you, okay,

420
00:20:59.720 --> 00:21:02.720
because because if you have code of penditendencies that are

421
00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:06.119
unresolved issues from a parent dynamic or from being raised

422
00:21:06.119 --> 00:21:10.319
in your household dynamic, you're gonna be very susceptible to

423
00:21:10.599 --> 00:21:13.759
being gas lit and manipulated. And if somebody's trying to

424
00:21:13.839 --> 00:21:16.440
threaten suicide, you're gonna feel sorry for them. They're gonna

425
00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:20.400
get your sympathy, your attention. Very important things here to

426
00:21:20.680 --> 00:21:25.000
recognize alcohol and drug abuse, big deal. Yes, yes, check

427
00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:27.519
check check check another red flag flying. I feel like

428
00:21:27.519 --> 00:21:29.799
we're in China, you know, I feel like we're in

429
00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:32.599
communist China here with all the red flags flying. Okay,

430
00:21:32.720 --> 00:21:35.640
So alcohol and drug abuse it goes hand in hand.

431
00:21:35.720 --> 00:21:38.480
It fuels them to do more damage, It fuels them

432
00:21:38.480 --> 00:21:41.079
to be more aggressive, it fuels them to do these things.

433
00:21:41.359 --> 00:21:43.799
So you know, the last thing you want is somebody

434
00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:46.799
with you know, being a malignant narcissist or having anti

435
00:21:46.839 --> 00:21:51.319
social personality who's also drinking alcohol or doing drugs or

436
00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:55.400
cocaine or meth or whatever. That's really bad combination because

437
00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:58.079
you've really set yourself up for failure. Okay, because this

438
00:21:58.160 --> 00:22:00.720
is that's only going to double down on all of

439
00:22:00.759 --> 00:22:05.720
these symptoms. And lastly, the last real trait that I

440
00:22:05.720 --> 00:22:08.119
want to discuss here in the podcast today because we

441
00:22:08.160 --> 00:22:11.119
only have a little bit of time, is they have

442
00:22:11.400 --> 00:22:16.920
trouble dealing with any responsibilities in their life. Okay, so

443
00:22:17.000 --> 00:22:20.799
one of the side non benefits, other red flags that

444
00:22:20.839 --> 00:22:22.680
you're gonna deal with when you're in a relationship with

445
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:25.480
something like this. Yeah, they don't hold down a job,

446
00:22:27.279 --> 00:22:31.880
they can't pay bills, they probably can't keep their phone on,

447
00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:35.480
they probably are breaking stuff all the time, they can't

448
00:22:35.559 --> 00:22:37.680
keep relationships, they don't you know, I mean, like the

449
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:42.119
list goes on and on, but you are financially supporting them.

450
00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:44.119
And the interesting part is they're gonna put you down

451
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:46.119
all the time because you're not financially supporting them at

452
00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:48.960
the level that they want. Even though they're not supporting you.

453
00:22:49.079 --> 00:22:51.200
It's a very interesting dynamic, and they'll make you feel

454
00:22:51.240 --> 00:22:53.240
bad and they'll put you down and call you all

455
00:22:53.319 --> 00:22:56.000
kinds of names. But yeah, they're not bringing anything to

456
00:22:56.039 --> 00:22:58.640
the table. So not only are they sucking the actual

457
00:22:58.680 --> 00:23:02.200
spiritual life out of you, they are also not bringing

458
00:23:02.279 --> 00:23:04.720
much to the table. And many of these people came

459
00:23:04.839 --> 00:23:09.359
into the relationship with this, you know, this amazing job supposedly,

460
00:23:09.599 --> 00:23:15.400
or an amazing background supposedly, or this amazing potential. And

461
00:23:15.440 --> 00:23:18.079
that's something that is so scary, is that you don't

462
00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:21.200
have anything with potential, okay, and a lot of y'all

463
00:23:21.240 --> 00:23:23.680
fail for it. You fail for it, and unfortunately you

464
00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:26.640
took the wrong pill. You fail for it, and now

465
00:23:26.680 --> 00:23:29.559
you're dealing with all these issues. And so you might

466
00:23:29.599 --> 00:23:31.839
be dealing with kind of a combination of somebody that

467
00:23:31.880 --> 00:23:34.640
has a combination of these issues or straight malignant or

468
00:23:34.720 --> 00:23:37.960
straight antisocial. But either way, the reason why I wanted

469
00:23:37.960 --> 00:23:40.640
to couple them together in today's podcast is because they're

470
00:23:40.759 --> 00:23:45.319
so similar, and these are really important to really identify

471
00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:48.160
because if you're out of the relationship now and you're

472
00:23:48.200 --> 00:23:50.119
back in the dating pool, you want to make sure

473
00:23:50.160 --> 00:23:52.160
you have that eye on that price. You want to

474
00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:54.319
make sure that you're aware of all these red flags

475
00:23:54.519 --> 00:23:57.079
if you're currently in a situation like this right now

476
00:23:57.119 --> 00:23:58.599
and you don't know how to get out, and many

477
00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:02.160
of you don't because you're being black backmailed by these people,

478
00:24:02.200 --> 00:24:04.319
and we probably need to do a full podcast on

479
00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:07.440
that as well. I've recently had many clients come to me,

480
00:24:07.640 --> 00:24:09.920
you know, sharing me text messages and videos and everything

481
00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:12.319
that's been sent by ex'es, or they're trying to get

482
00:24:12.319 --> 00:24:14.240
out where they're being blackmailed, or they're in a current

483
00:24:14.279 --> 00:24:17.519
relationship where the person is constantly blackmailing them, whether they're

484
00:24:17.519 --> 00:24:21.119
blackmailing them. They're gonna go to the police for something,

485
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:24.640
or they're gonna go and tell people that they're being abused,

486
00:24:25.079 --> 00:24:27.279
or they're gonna go and you know, and tell their

487
00:24:27.319 --> 00:24:29.240
ex husband or ex wife that they were you know,

488
00:24:29.319 --> 00:24:32.279
that there was a relationship during the marriage. Or they're

489
00:24:32.279 --> 00:24:34.359
gonna go and tell their kids this, or they're gonna

490
00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:36.680
go and tell an employer this, or they're gonna call

491
00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:39.880
a new employer and tell them about the drug use

492
00:24:40.039 --> 00:24:42.680
or the alcoholism or what have you. And so that

493
00:24:42.880 --> 00:24:45.079
blackmail is a big piece that keeps a lot of

494
00:24:45.119 --> 00:24:48.359
people in because there's fear because as we know, these

495
00:24:48.359 --> 00:24:52.119
people are pretty much unhinged. Right, So it's like at

496
00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:55.640
what level will they go to get what they want?

497
00:24:56.319 --> 00:24:59.960
And again, remember they see us as a stepping stone

498
00:25:00.079 --> 00:25:02.599
to getting something more. So it's almost like a gold digger,

499
00:25:02.680 --> 00:25:05.559
right when you have a gold digger, whether it's a

500
00:25:05.559 --> 00:25:07.319
woman or whether it's a man, doesn't mean it's always

501
00:25:07.319 --> 00:25:09.440
a woman, right, so maybe it's a male gold digger woman.

502
00:25:09.720 --> 00:25:10.279
They don't care.

503
00:25:10.599 --> 00:25:13.680
They're going to marry this person and then divorce them

504
00:25:13.680 --> 00:25:16.359
to get as much money and property and everything they

505
00:25:16.359 --> 00:25:18.640
can possibly get. They've already done their research, they know

506
00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:20.799
what they're dealing with. They divorce them, they go find

507
00:25:20.839 --> 00:25:23.000
another one. They divorce them, they go find another one.

508
00:25:23.079 --> 00:25:24.759
It has nothing to do with the person. That has

509
00:25:24.799 --> 00:25:28.920
to do with taking their resources. Okay, that is exactly

510
00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:31.680
what that is. And that's very interesting because they care,

511
00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:34.640
They have no empathy, no care. They don't value human life,

512
00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:38.599
they don't value their relationship. They absolutely don't care. And

513
00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:40.799
I would think that gold diggers actually kind of fall

514
00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:45.160
into an anti social personality disorder kind of regiment as

515
00:25:45.160 --> 00:25:47.240
well as maybe in a malignant narciss because they really

516
00:25:47.240 --> 00:25:50.200
don't care, okay at all, and they'll do anything to

517
00:25:50.720 --> 00:25:54.279
get their needs met no matter what. And so if

518
00:25:54.319 --> 00:25:56.640
you're in that situation, you know, really step back and

519
00:25:56.640 --> 00:25:57.119
think about it.

520
00:25:57.160 --> 00:25:58.240
How bad is bad? Like?

521
00:25:58.319 --> 00:26:01.039
How bad can they explore you? How bad can they

522
00:26:01.079 --> 00:26:03.279
hurt you? Have you covered your butt? Have you taken

523
00:26:03.279 --> 00:26:04.759
care of things that need to be taken care of?

524
00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:06.039
Have you lawyered up?

525
00:26:06.119 --> 00:26:08.039
Have you gotten yourself in the position that you need

526
00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:11.440
to get in to safely walk away from this situation?

527
00:26:11.599 --> 00:26:14.039
And there might be some pain and suffering, but I

528
00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:16.599
will tell you that if you're in this relationship now,

529
00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:20.079
there is definitely pain and suffering. You're definitely dealing with

530
00:26:20.119 --> 00:26:23.240
pain and suffering not only on a daily basis, but

531
00:26:23.359 --> 00:26:25.880
on a minute to minute basis with this person. Because

532
00:26:25.880 --> 00:26:28.680
many of you that I know for a fact by

533
00:26:28.720 --> 00:26:31.359
working with clients, is that you might leave the house,

534
00:26:31.960 --> 00:26:35.720
but this person with malignan narcissism or antisocial or combination

535
00:26:36.599 --> 00:26:39.400
will call you and harass you all day and then

536
00:26:39.400 --> 00:26:41.039
when you get home you get to deal with the

537
00:26:41.079 --> 00:26:44.119
whole brunt of it for hours and hours okay, until

538
00:26:44.200 --> 00:26:46.279
they finally go to sleep and you leave the next day,

539
00:26:46.279 --> 00:26:48.920
and they still call in all day okay, because they

540
00:26:48.920 --> 00:26:50.400
don't want you out of their sight.

541
00:26:50.880 --> 00:26:52.119
They want to control you.

542
00:26:52.319 --> 00:26:54.119
And so right now you are in like a prison

543
00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:56.440
type system and you got to get out. So if

544
00:26:56.440 --> 00:26:58.680
this is resonating with you, or you want to share

545
00:26:58.759 --> 00:27:00.839
this with a friend or family member that is going

546
00:27:00.880 --> 00:27:02.559
through this, because you might be on the phone with

547
00:27:02.559 --> 00:27:05.119
a friend or family or are constantly trying to talk them,

548
00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:07.599
you know, talk them off off jumping. Because all this

549
00:27:07.759 --> 00:27:11.319
is happening, you keep hearing about it. It's bad, it's negative.

550
00:27:11.400 --> 00:27:13.519
You can see that they are just kind of losing

551
00:27:13.559 --> 00:27:16.000
their identity. You can see that they're getting satdur and

552
00:27:16.039 --> 00:27:18.640
sadder and maybe even more and more depressed, maybe even

553
00:27:18.680 --> 00:27:22.400
in more and more fear of the possible blackmail and outcome.

554
00:27:22.440 --> 00:27:24.559
And so if you're seeing that happening with somebody that

555
00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:27.759
you know, it's probably time to either share this podcast

556
00:27:27.799 --> 00:27:30.599
with them, have a conversation, share the podcast as well,

557
00:27:30.880 --> 00:27:33.319
you know, get them the information because they need help,

558
00:27:33.359 --> 00:27:36.720
they need guidance into understanding this. Because this isn't easy.

559
00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:39.039
Not a lot of people have experience with dealing with

560
00:27:39.079 --> 00:27:41.839
these relationships. They'll be like, oh, just leave, just go ahead,

561
00:27:41.880 --> 00:27:44.480
but this they've already done all this to that person's psyche.

562
00:27:44.799 --> 00:27:48.039
They've mentally, you know, messed with that person's psyche. They've lied,

563
00:27:48.119 --> 00:27:50.799
they've they've gasl it, they've done all these things. They've blackmailed,

564
00:27:51.000 --> 00:27:53.200
and so it takes precision to get out, but it

565
00:27:53.240 --> 00:27:56.640
also takes precision to get somebody's life back on track

566
00:27:56.759 --> 00:28:02.200
after this type of damaging, really spiritually damaging relationship. By

567
00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:04.880
the way, if you haven't been on YouTube lately, please

568
00:28:05.160 --> 00:28:07.759
check in subscribe to the channel because you'll get to

569
00:28:07.759 --> 00:28:09.319
know that we have new videos and we're putting up

570
00:28:09.319 --> 00:28:11.359
at least average or two videos a week.

571
00:28:11.599 --> 00:28:13.240
We'll try to get to more of that, but check

572
00:28:13.279 --> 00:28:13.599
it out.

573
00:28:13.799 --> 00:28:16.759
If you haven't already subscribed, subscribe and please share this

574
00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:20.039
podcast with others. Yeah, friends and family, anybody that needs it.

575
00:28:20.119 --> 00:28:22.680
And you know we'll be back next week with another

576
00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:26.480
podcast on The Ashley Burgess Show. And don't forget to

577
00:28:26.599 --> 00:28:33.640
live your True Life