Trapped by a Malignant Narcissist? Identify Sociopathic and Narcissistic Abuse. [Ep 804]

0:01 You're in a good place now. You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess. Welcome back live to the Ashley Burgess Show formerly known as Liberty Life Perspectives. I know that many of us have had maybe. One or two symptoms of narcissism, whether it's we're looking for added attention in our life or sometimes maybe being self centered on certain subject matters. But having one or two symptoms of narcissism is very different than someone who is dealing with malignant narcissism, which is the extreme version of narcissism, or someone with sociopathic or anti social personality disorder. And in today's podcast, I really want to talk about these two disorders, and I want to talk about them specifically because I think that many people are in relationships with people that have these signs and symptoms. They entered into these relationships not really knowing what they were dealing with.

0:53 Maybe they were overlooking a red flag or two or three for whatever reason that is, and now they're in a situation where they're almost like in a prison situation because they've been separated from friends and family. Other people don't know or understand the situation, and they also might not clearly understand the situation that they're currently dealing with, because sometimes we can be in a situation and not fully know exactly what we're dealing with and if there is an actual definition or even a title for this situation. So this is going to be exposing some stuff here on the podcast. And this podcast is dedicated to anyone who saw a few red flags but thought, hey, things can get better, things are going to change, They're go away.

1:35 You know, it's for that person, because I know that we all want the best for situations. We all want people to be able to get better or augment or change, and we all hope for that, but sometimes that's just not going to happen, and so we're going to be talking about that in today's podcast. So let's begin exploring the. Symptoms and signs of sociopathic behavior as well as a malignant narcissistic behavior, because these are very important to understand. They're not the same thing, they are a bit different, but they are very similar. I think that I've given that example many times when I've talked about like borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and histrionic personality disorder. I talk about them all being in like the van, right, it's like the three kids in the back seat in the van, and how they're sitting really closely together and they kind of overlap sometimes, like you know, when you're going to a pothole or whatever, you might hit someone else's leg, or you might kind of roll onto somebody.

2:30 And so there are some similarities similar in both of these situations, and we're going to talk about that today as well. One of the examples that I want to offer is that when you're living in a situation like this with somebody with these signs and symptoms, it's like living much like you're living with an alcoholic or a drug addict. And why I mean that is that a lot of times when somebody is in a relationship with somebody that's an alcoholic or a drug at the other person is very codependent. The other person feels like they can get that person to slow down or stop. They think if I just act a certain way, if I just do this, if I don't talk about that, if I just listen to what they want to talk about, or if I don't bring up anything about myself, everything's gonna be fine. Okay, I just want to keep the peace.

3:20 I want to keep the peace. I just don't want to have any arguments or fights. I gotta get through tonight. I can go back to work tomorrow and then I'll suck it all up and go home and deal with it again at seven o'clock tomorrow night, and I'll go through the whole process keeping the peace, getting up, leaving the house, and going through that. So, anybody that's living with someone that's a malignant narcissist or has sociopathic tendencies, you know exactly what I'm talking about, and the fact that you're constantly trying to keep the peace and in the process you are completely losing your identity. You're losing yourself in the process, you're not even able to talk about how you feel or what. You think or any of that. None of that matters because you know, if you bring it up, you're going to be attacked verbally and maybe physically.

4:01 You're going to be attacked. They're going to get angry with you, they're gonna fight with you. And so those are things that we're going to talk about in today's podcast. You know, one of the things I want to. Bring up first, though, is that a lot of times we don't really think about these things because in the beginning of this relationship, that person seemed really great on paper, right, they seemed really great on paper. Maybe they were really outgoing, right, had a great personality, or maybe they seemed to be successful, or they told you how successful or how smart they are were and then there's a lot of love bombing. There's a lot of giving you attention. And this is a perfect puzzle piece for anybody with codependent tendencies. It's also a perfect puzzle piece for anybody that's empathic and doesn't understand how to safeguard being an EmPATH because you know, these people are gonna have issues. You're going to try to save them, help them that sort of thing in the process, but they're just gonna you know, they're just gonna beat you.

4:55 Up for it. And they all start the relationships will start with love bombing. Right. You're getting all this attention. You're getting all this attention that you want. And everybody likes attention, even if you have code pend aitendencies. We all like attention. Right. Maybe it's the sex, Maybe it's falling into the relationship very quickly. In that process, it's like a whirlwind. Right, you're overlooking those red flags. You know a lot of times too, people have that fear of being alone, right, We have that fear of being alone. We have that fear of not having somebody, So we would rather instead of like choosing maybe waiting and choosing somebody that might seem to be better or maybe somebody that we feel more comfortable with, We're like, oh gosh, you know, I have in a relationship in this long and you know, I might as well go on with this. I don't want to be alone. And so some of you may be dealing with this directly right now in your current life.

5:42 Some of you may have run away from this type of relationship and you're just you know, you're just finally breathing at this point. And some of you are watching your friends go through this on a day to day basis, and it is like watching a sad, horrible train wreck. So whether you're in one or two or three of these categories, you understand the significance of getting this information. Out now no way, shape or form. In this podcast, am I discussing benign or narcissistic light. This is not at all we're talking about. People can have science and symptoms of narcissism. It doesn't make them a malignant narciss It doesn't make them, you know, a sociopath. That is not what we're talking about. Everybody can have a sign or symptom, doesn't make them a full on narcissist.

6:26 So let's deep dive into the signs of a malignant narcissist and these common behaviors that a malignant narcissist is going to display. The first big one and this doesn't just apply only to milignant narcissists, but it's a big one for it, and that is paranoia. And paranoia is really a big underlying theme. It's they mistrust other people. They believe that other people are conspiring plotting against them on a constant basis. If you're in a relationship with them, they are probably thinking that you are doing stuff behind their back. Maybe you're courting them on video or you're talking behind their back. They're going to be constantly questioning you because they're completely paranoid. And sometimes that's because they're doing those exact things back to you without you knowing.

7:13 So sometimes it's because you know, hey, that's what they're doing, and so what's good for the good, it's good for the gander kind of thing. But the other side of the coin is they are very paranoid of everybody and everything, and that's that's sad because that gets in the way of a normal relationship. They're constantly questioning everybody, everybody's motives, everybody's agenda, and you can feel like you're in lockdown if you're living with somebody like this, because they don't want anybody around, they don't want to go out, they don't want to do anything. And then if they do do something like go out or hang out with friends of yours or what have you, they're going to have lots of things to say about them. They're going to, you know, basically disparage them and talk about how horrible they are because they're going to want to try to keep you for their own so they can keep their two eyes on you at all times. Another aspect of loognant narcissism, what I think is interesting, is kind of that sadism kind of situation where they like to see people in pain, they like to see people discomfort, they like to see people feeling bad. They don't want you to feel comfortable. That's not something that they want. They want you to always be on edge they and they like it. They like to see you squirm. Okay, that's something they like.

8:25 They really do. They like to see you upset. They'll say things and do things on purpose to anger you. They might even talk about your mother or your father, your grandmother, your best friend, your brother, your sister, and they will say some of the most deplorable things about them over and over again, wanting you to react, loving it. When you get angry, that fuels them. And so remember, if you're in a situation like this, you don't want to give this person fuel because you're just playing into their hand. And it's hard because it's triggering. Right. They'll pick the out worst comments they can make about some of the closest people to you, or even you right, making fun of you, putting you down, those types of things and knowing what really gets to you, right, and then they'll harp on it all day, all night, hours and hours to watch you squirm, to watch you get upset, to watch you lose. It is what they're looking for.

9:23 And this all leads into the concept that they are master manipulators. They can manipulate anybody, right, They manipulate you through lies. They are constant liars, by the way. These people will lie about absolutely everything. They will blackmail you, they will guilt you all this to get their goals and their needs met. They might blackmail you for a long period of time, like I remember when you did this, or I remember when you were doing these drugs, and it would be horrible for your employer to find out that you do drugs, or it would be horrible for this person to find out XYZ about you. You know, I mean, all I would have to do is send a simple email to And so they're constantly using this blackmail to keep you there, to keep you in check, right, so that they always have you, they always have something over your head. And so you're constantly in this relationship, really upset about being in it, realizing that this is a really painful relationship, praying it gets better, but every day it seems to get a little bit worse.

10:21 But on top of that, this person is. Basically blackmailing you and saying they're going to do all these things, and so you're in fear of leaving the relationship. It's interesting too, because they are very controlling, They control, They're complete control. People they want to control you. They are completely out of control. Okay, and I've always known that even at young age when I was growing up. But anybody that tries to control you all the time is completely out of control. Like they don't know how to control themselves. They don't know how to deal with their own issues, and so they want to control your feelings, your behaviors, your actions, everything, because they can't control themselves, and so if they control you, they're kind of the master of you, right, And so they like that because they love to control people. They like to make things painful, they like to make people jump through hoops, they like to make things difficult. So also there's a difficult formation of social bonds with them, so they don't build healthy, lasting relationships with other people.

11:25 They just don't. I mean, as you can see if you're in the situation, or if you've recently exited stage right, or you're watching somebody from a distance in this situation. And that's kind of the hardest because if you have a friend that's in a relationship with somebody that is a malignant narcissist, impossible with anti social personality disorder, you're probably not talking to your friend much because that other person has positioned it where you're the bad person, you're the evil person. They must separate from you because remember, it's about it, you know, it's about brainwashing somebody and completely controlling every aspect of their Okay, they also have a lack of remorse. They don't care. About what they do. They're not like, oh, I better not do that because that's bad. No, it's like they don't care about harrying you. They don't care about hurting you.

12:12 They don't care. You're just a means to an ends anyway. You're a stepping stone. And I hate to say that, but with a malignant narcissist, you're like the rock on the ground where they step on your. Head to get over you. Right, And so they'll step on your head every single day in order to jump over you. If you were drowning, they would step on your head push you under the water. Okay, that's just how it is. And I hate to say this because I know that a lot of you say, well, maybe they can get help. Well, maybe they can get. Help, but the big, the big, big hallmark of these folks is they don't want help. They don't feel like they need help. They feel like you're the problem. You are the problem, you're the one that you're the weak one. Okay. And I hate to say it this way because I know that people don't want to hear this, and I know that you're not if you're in the situation, you're.

12:56 Like, God, that's horrible. But I have to speak the truth because I think once you hear the truth and you realize what they really are about, you realize it's not about rehabilitating. You realize it's about you saving your own ass. Okay, there's a time when you go you consider and help everybody and get everybody you know, Like, let's say that the ship is sinking and you're helping everybody get on the lifeboat. That's great. But if you're helping somebody get on the lifeboat, that's going to basically shoot holes in the lifeboat and kill everybody. Anyway, you need to think twice about how who you're put on that lifeboat. And sometimes in these relationships, the only way out is by yourself. You can't take them with you, right, And so remember that. I hate to say that, but if somebody's not willing to get help, and they're not getting help and they're going around it, and they're causing chaos and violence and anger in your life. You need to really step back and decide what you want to do.

13:48 So a militia narcissist isn't exactly the same as a sociopath. We know that, but the terms are kind of used interchangeably to describe folks that have a combination of narcissistic tree as well as anti social personality disorder traits. Okay, so one of the biggest, you know, situations. So they have lots of things that they really I guess they connect with. So the dots that connect is they have a lack of empathy right across the board both groups. They have a tendency of being cruel and mean and sadistic both groups, and they're cool with that. That gives them fuel, and malignant narcissism is kind of it's obviously the more complex version and the most dangerous version of narcissism right where you know, people display anti social and stadistic tendencies. So you see how this really overlaps. Okay, so let's talk about sociopathic or anti social personality traits because I think this needs to be discussed because as long as we get this out in the open, we have a discussion about it. There's no confusion anymore. Right, we're not trying to label this on everybody. Okay, that's not what we're doing here. Not everybody is this, you know they're not. But if you're in this situation, you need to know what you're dealing with.

15:05 Okay. You need to have all the arsenal you can of knowledge to be able to power through this and get yourself to saveground. Okay. So antisocial personality traits lack of empathy. Okay, there you go. That's a big one. We've talked about that. What about impulsive behavior. They can be very impulsive. They can do things very impulsively. Not everything about consequences. There are never any consequences when it comes to these folks. They will do whatever they want. They don't even think about it. Okay, bam, they're gonna do it. They want to control others, right, They always are always wanting to control you. And I can use the word always in this situation because that is fact. They want to control you, and they will threaten you, and they will get aggressive with you all to control you, what you do, what you say, how you look where you go, who you talk to, everything.

16:02 I mean, it's like they want to be literally like you know, not even a parole officer. I mean, they want to be the warden of the prison where they tell you when, what you can do, when you can go to the bathroom, all that stuff, because that's the kind of control that they want to have over you. Right. Interesting enough too, they are intelligent, right, they do have charm and they do have charisma. And so that's why in the beginning when you met this person, or when your friend met this person, or in the relationship that you just left, when you go back and you remember the beginning of the relationship, there was charm, there was charisma. There was like, oh wow, this person's you know, they're very interesting. They're charming, right, And it was really quick to kind of, you know, as you felt like form a bond, even though the bond wasn't wasn't really a real bond. It was more of a trauma bond if anything. Right, But they're really good at creating that that narrative where you kind of fall into it and they give you that attention and it's same. I mean, sociopathic people are very good at this because they're playing a role, a role like from a TV show or a movie. They're playing this role. So also another thing is they don't learn from any mistakes. They don't learn from any punishment.

17:14 Punishment doesn't mean anything. You punish them all you want, doesn't matter, It doesn't matter because remember, they're still getting attention. And the funny thing about these folks that it's really not funny. I don't know how you want to look at it, but they don't care what kind of. Attention they get. They don't care at all, And they don't care about making mistakes or getting punished or getting in trouble, doesn't matter, doesn't matter at all. They will lie too, So you know, recently we did some videos on sociopathic you know, and sociopathic type of liars, you know, people that will lie, you know, for anything, and it's all it's very interesting because when people do lie about, you know, if they're a pathological liar. And I think that's one of the reasons and videos that we put out on YouTube. You know, being a pathological liar is interesting and people can lie, right, and I know that I think it's funny that we still call it a white lie. I'm not really sure about that. But people can lie about things to you know, to safeguard people's feelings and that sort of thing.

18:19 People can also be habitual. Liars, right, They can be habitual liars and lie about stuff. Or people can be pathological. Liars, and I see that the anti social personality or the sociopathic. Yeah, they can be pathological liars. They will lie about absolutely anything. And that's what's so hard with these people too, is you don't know where you're coming and when you're going. You don't know your head from your ass sometimes because when you jump in head first of these relationships and you don't realize what you're doing or what's going on in this relationship. The person's telling you so many things that you believe or you don't know not to believe. It's not like you're like, oh, you know, I'm being lied to you. You don't know the difference, You don't know what's going on, and so you just go along with it. And so they're lying to get personal gained, you know, they're lying to get their needs met. And that's a big deal with these people is they lie constantly to make sure that their needs are met, no matter how they have to lie.

19:18 They also anti social personality disorder folks. Well. Also they can get physically violent. They can have fights, they can fight you, okay, and you see this. You see this a lot where people will start these types of fights because again, remember there is no responsibility and there's no fear of punishment. So I mean, what do you have there? So they're willing to go to all ends to you know, make their point known. I also find too that they are very kind of shallow in relationships. There's not a lot of depth there. I mean basically, all you have is this really highly skilled, manipulative, lying, coercion type individual that it's impulsive and there's not like this deep spiritual being there that that doesn't exist. So you're in a relationship with this person that's very superficial. And they can be very attractive to malignant narcissists and people with anti social can some people can be unattractive as well.

20:17 And it's not just attractive. People can be unattractive, but you can find some very attractive people as well, and that a lot of times people fall into that trap. That person looks nice, well it looks and you know, it looks can be deceiving. You know it looks can't also play into the hand here as well, because you're looking at something else when you need to probably be thinking about something deeper anyway, and you're falling into this trap. You know. Also the interesting concept too, is that you know they will even commit crimes. They're okay with that because remember there's no punishment issues, we don't care about it, and you know, there's no responsibility. And they're also known to sometimes threaten suicide. And they do this to manipulate you, okay, because because if you have code of penditendencies that are unresolved issues from a parent dynamic or from being raised in your household dynamic, you're gonna be very susceptible to being gas lit and manipulated. And if somebody's trying to threaten suicide, you're gonna feel sorry for them. They're gonna get your sympathy, your attention. Very important things here to recognize alcohol and drug abuse, big deal. Yes, yes, check check check check another red flag flying. I feel like we're in China, you know, I feel like we're in communist China here with all the red flags flying. Okay, So alcohol and drug abuse it goes hand in hand.

21:35 It fuels them to do more damage, It fuels them to be more aggressive, it fuels them to do these things. So you know, the last thing you want is somebody with you know, being a malignant narcissist or having anti social personality who's also drinking alcohol or doing drugs or cocaine or meth or whatever. That's really bad combination because you've really set yourself up for failure. Okay, because this is that's only going to double down on all of these symptoms. And lastly, the last real trait that I want to discuss here in the podcast today because we only have a little bit of time, is they have trouble dealing with any responsibilities in their life. Okay, so one of the side non benefits, other red flags that you're gonna deal with when you're in a relationship with something like this. Yeah, they don't hold down a job, they can't pay bills, they probably can't keep their phone on, they probably are breaking stuff all the time, they can't keep relationships, they don't you know, I mean, like the list goes on and on, but you are financially supporting them.

22:42 And the interesting part is they're gonna put you down all the time because you're not financially supporting them at the level that they want. Even though they're not supporting you. It's a very interesting dynamic, and they'll make you feel bad and they'll put you down and call you all kinds of names. But yeah, they're not bringing anything to the table. So not only are they sucking the actual spiritual life out of you, they are also not bringing much to the table. And many of these people came into the relationship with this, you know, this amazing job supposedly, or an amazing background supposedly, or this amazing potential. And that's something that is so scary, is that you don't have anything with potential, okay, and a lot of y'all fail for it. You fail for it, and unfortunately you took the wrong pill. You fail for it, and now you're dealing with all these issues. And so you might be dealing with kind of a combination of somebody that has a combination of these issues or straight malignant or straight antisocial. But either way, the reason why I wanted to couple them together in today's podcast is because they're so similar, and these are really important to really identify because if you're out of the relationship now and you're back in the dating pool, you want to make sure you have that eye on that price. You want to make sure that you're aware of all these red flags if you're currently in a situation like this right now and you don't know how to get out, and many of you don't because you're being black backmailed by these people, and we probably need to do a full podcast on that as well. I've recently had many clients come to me, you know, sharing me text messages and videos and everything that's been sent by ex'es, or they're trying to get

24:12 out where they're being blackmailed, or they're in a current relationship where the person is constantly blackmailing them, whether they're blackmailing them. They're gonna go to the police for something, or they're gonna go and tell people that they're being abused, or they're gonna go and you know, and tell their ex husband or ex wife that they were you know, that there was a relationship during the marriage. Or they're gonna go and tell their kids this, or they're gonna go and tell an employer this, or they're gonna call a new employer and tell them about the drug use or the alcoholism or what have you. And so that blackmail is a big piece that keeps a lot of people in because there's fear because as we know, these people are pretty much unhinged. Right, So it's like at what level will they go to get what they want?

24:56 And again, remember they see us as a stepping stone to getting something more. So it's almost like a gold digger, right when you have a gold digger, whether it's a woman or whether it's a man, doesn't mean it's always a woman, right, so maybe it's a male gold digger woman. They don't care. They're going to marry this person and then divorce them to get as much money and property and everything they can possibly get. They've already done their research, they know what they're dealing with. They divorce them, they go find another one. They divorce them, they go find another one. It has nothing to do with the person. That has to do with taking their resources. Okay, that is exactly what that is. And that's very interesting because they care, They have no empathy, no care. They don't value human life, they don't value their relationship. They absolutely don't care. And I would think that gold diggers actually kind of fall into an anti social personality disorder kind of regiment as well as maybe in a malignant narciss because they really don't care, okay at all, and they'll do anything to get their needs met no matter what. And so if you're in that situation, you know, really step back and think about it.

25:57 How bad is bad? Like? How bad can they explore you? How bad can they hurt you? Have you covered your butt? Have you taken care of things that need to be taken care of? Have you lawyered up? Have you gotten yourself in the position that you need to get in to safely walk away from this situation? And there might be some pain and suffering, but I will tell you that if you're in this relationship now, there is definitely pain and suffering. You're definitely dealing with pain and suffering not only on a daily basis, but on a minute to minute basis with this person. Because many of you that I know for a fact by working with clients, is that you might leave the house, but this person with malignan narcissism or antisocial or combination will call you and harass you all day and then when you get home you get to deal with the whole brunt of it for hours and hours okay, until they finally go to sleep and you leave the next day, and they still call in all day okay, because they don't want you out of their sight.

26:50 They want to control you. And so right now you are in like a prison type system and you got to get out. So if this is resonating with you, or you want to share this with a friend or family member that is going through this, because you might be on the phone with a friend or family or are constantly trying to talk them, you know, talk them off off jumping. Because all this is happening, you keep hearing about it. It's bad, it's negative. You can see that they are just kind of losing their identity. You can see that they're getting satdur and sadder and maybe even more and more depressed, maybe even in more and more fear of the possible blackmail and outcome. And so if you're seeing that happening with somebody that you know, it's probably time to either share this podcast with them, have a conversation, share the podcast as well, you know, get them the information because they need help, they need guidance into understanding this. Because this isn't easy.

27:37 Not a lot of people have experience with dealing with these relationships. They'll be like, oh, just leave, just go ahead, but this they've already done all this to that person's psyche. They've mentally, you know, messed with that person's psyche. They've lied, they've they've gasl it, they've done all these things. They've blackmailed, and so it takes precision to get out, but it also takes precision to get somebody's life back on track after this type of damaging, really spiritually damaging relationship. By the way, if you haven't been on YouTube lately, please check in subscribe to the channel because you'll get to know that we have new videos and we're putting up at least average or two videos a week. We'll try to get to more of that, but check it out. If you haven't already subscribed, subscribe and please share this podcast with others. Yeah, friends and family, anybody that needs it.

28:20 And you know we'll be back next week with another podcast on The Ashley Burgess Show. And don't forget to live your True Life