The Emotional Journey of Losing Your Best Beloved Dog or Cat. [Ep. 803]

0:01 You're in a good place now you are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgeons. Welcome back live to the Ashley Burgess Podcast. So many of you have a dog, You've had a dog, you've lost a dog, and many of us talk about a dog as our family member. Our dog is we're with them all the time. It's our best friend. For some of us, it's a child because we don't have children of our own. And you take care of them just like a child. You wake up up in the morning and you get them ready, you give them a bath, you fix their food for them, you take them out, you take them to work with you, you take them in the car with you. You know you've made dinner for them. You play with them, you take them to bed, you put them in their bed.

0:41 Whatever it is. You get up the next morning, you rent and repeat, and you do it because you love it, because it's something that you love to do. It's become second nature. It's part of your makeup because you love it. And some of you have challenging dogs. And some of you had challenging dogs, but then they got older and they got easy year to do it. But you still love him. It doesn't matter how challenging it was, you dealt with it, and as you go through the years, you're like, wow, this is amazing, and you grow together and you have so much fun and so many experiences, and then that time comes where their body is just giving out. And that's so challenging to see because it's like you're looking at it and because you're day in and day out and you're around it all the time.

1:26 It's like seeing a friend of yours with cancer. It's like seeing a parent with cancer, right, and you see them, but you see him every day, and so they don't look to you the way that they look to other people. To you, they look fine because you see them every day. You don't see the weight loss like other people do. You don't see the facial structure change like other people do. You don't see how how like you know, slow or laborious they become because you're around it all the time. Now, in my situation with Buddy, he look like a million bucks. Literally right before he went into the VETS office, right before we had the fallout, he looked great. I mean I have pictures of him literally two hours before that where he looks amazing. It would be like you looking great, you looking amazing, looking like a billion dollars, leaving the house and he never come back. And that's what was so tough with Buddy, because he's such a strong, strong, passionate soul that he was keeping it together even though his body was given out. He didn't want to leave.

2:39 I know that a lot of us talk about, oh, well it was their time to leave. It wasn't their time, Okay, their body was like I can't do this anymore, which sucks so bad. You know, there's all these misnomers, Oh it's their time, you know, Come on, I mean, you know, does the body have like this, you know, this thing in there? Okay, it's my time. I'm gonna are breaking down. I mean I would rather just not break down and then like a sind or, you know, not break down and poof instead of like, oh, I'm gonna break down and have this horrible situation that happens and then it's my time. No. And so you know this is where part two begins. There you are, for any of you, leaving the VETS office. For some of you, unfortunately, like it was with Dulce, you're leaving the twenty four hour emergency clinic where you knew nobody and you had to deal with letting your dog go at two am, and the circumstances that you had to deal with. Very different from that situation was the opposite situation that it dealt with with Buddy. Like I was saying with Dulce, I got that whole day of hanging out with them prior to this, like ice cream, fun, everything. I didn't get that with Buddy. Now. I had all these experiences Buddy that you know, were amazing, but I wanted that extra day.

3:55 I wanted just one more day. And that was hard. And so we start now in part two, where we're leaving the er. For some of you, it's day, for some of you, it's night. For me, it was one thirty in the afternoon yesterday, and I'm walking out and I have a bag in one hand that says Buddy Burchess on it, and inside Buddy Burgess's bag is his collar and his leash and the medications that the oncologists had given him earlier in the week. And I carried that bag out with me and the rest of my family, and Greg walked out with me and we went up and it was tough because it was tough, and we had some friends calling, and you know, it was nice to be surrounded with people that care. And you're leaving there and everything seems surreal because it's like, wait a second, now, what do I do? And I told Greg when we were there, I said, you know, my concern is that things are going to get hard. You know, now, things are going to get hard, because we got to go back home. And I remember just getting in my car and I put my bag in the back seat and

5:27 it was on. You know, I have a like a dog cover thing that goes around the you know, the back of the head rests and around the backhead rest on the secondary seat so that he kind of catches all the hair. You know, y'all, y'all know what I'm talking about. I mean, I have a terrier, right miniature bull terrier, right Buddy, And if anybody can shed, it's buddy. Buddy is a shedder from way back. And I know that many of you have dogs that are shutters, have been a shutter, you know exactly what I'm talking about. There's no non shedding involved, and so there's a lot of hair. So I sat there and I put my back there and I had a towel in there for him and his favorite blanket, and I just remember taking a long breath, and I'm driving back to the house, and I'm thinking, oh my god, how is it going to be. When I get into the house, how is this going to be? Everything is about Buddy. His treat bowl, all his vitamins, his water bowl, his food bowl, his food stand, his beds. I mean, heck, I have a bed for him in my office. I have a bed for him in the house. I have another bed for him upstairs. I have another bed for him that goes and roams from place to place if he's not comfortable, so he can stay somewhere else. I got a food bowl upstairs. I mean, I have another bowl in the office.

6:52 I mean, like, we're talking about a lot of stuff here, you know, and every time you look around, it's something else that reminds you of And we walked in the door. We were driving separate cars because we were you know, I was coming from uh the work in the office, and he was coming from his office. And I barked and I was like, you know, we walked in the door and I was like whoa, And it was so quiet, and see Remember, Buddy didn't bark. Buddy did not bark. The only time he barked. The only time he barked was when nobody was around and he wanted your food. Okay, when it was just you and him and he's gonna bark, he did like a chirp. It was like a chirp.

7:39 You know. He wanted he was a very high pitch chirp, and he wanted your food. He wanted to get your attention, and he wanted your food. The only other times is that we you know, we badly, we badly trained him as a child. You know, at Mexican restaurants about chips. We would give him chips and then you know, he wanted the chips so bad that if he didn't get the chip, he would do a chirp. But he wasn't a so it's not like he would bark when he got to the door. You know, you know, you might hear some foots, you know, like some footsteps, that's it, some past steps. But I realized, you know, when people say, wow, it's quite it's because it's like it's the energy that's gone.

8:20 It's their energy that's not there in the physical form, and that physical form. Energy is so important to be around because it makes everything better, and it's like, okay, you know it's not there. And even if your dog's not a barker, I mean, even if your dog's not a barker and he's deaf and blind, he still brings that energy into the room. And you know what I talk about. You know, if you just lost a dog, or lost the dog recently, or have lost the dog in the past, or you currently have a dog and you know what I'm talking about. You understand what I'm saying, or you're like thinking about getting another dog. Wherever you are in this grouping, you know what I'm talking about.

9:09 And if you're lucky enough to have a dog right now and to be through it, check it out and find out. It's funny if you don't have a barker and that dog's not really loud, realize they are larger than life because of their good God energy. And you know, we got in the house and it was who yeah, because the energy wasn't there. The energy wasn't there. And I think sometimes we take that energy for granted, and it's not an energy to take for granted, it's an energy to definitely respect. And cultivate. And so I asked Greg, I said, do you want to go take a walk, and he said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to take a walk. And so we were walking down I wanted to go a certain way and the neighborhood. And we were walking in the neighborhood and we walked down one street and down another, and I told him a little bit about what I said, you know, And I said, you know, I've been talking to Buddy for several days about the same thing. And I told him about some stuff that I said and it's it's it's very deep to me, and it was very deep, and it was it was and he was like wow. And as I was saying it, this huge branch on this huge tree cracks, drops down and shatters the windshield of a car because I had just spoken and boomed, and it was acknowledging

10:39 the fact that what I had said has merit and obviously is acknowledged by others involved. And I thought that was interesting, and that led me to realize, Okay, the energy may not be unfortunately seen, but it can be felt. And I think our eyes deceive us unfortunately in this lifetime. I think our eyes deceive us, it's like it's like it's conning us into believing something different than is real. It's like the eyes seem to be like it's almost as if they've been made like with some sort of DNA situation, left out or skimmed over or something, whereas there it just seems like there's a screen on top of them, like screen doors that if you were just able to open them, you would actually see more of what's really happening. Because, like I was saying, in the situation, while I'm watching Buddy and he has the oxygen mask gone, he's laying on the table, and you know, they've given me about an hour and a half to spend with him.

11:45 I mean, I realize, Yes, I know for a fact that you know, spirit is different from body. Bodies different from spirit. And that's why it's surreal, because a lot of people fall for the fact that, oh, the body, the outer layer is you know, going, so therefore the other is gone. I do believe that the bodies, unfortunately in our lifetime right now, due to lots of reasons that I'll go into on another time, are expiring before the person wants to expire, before the dog wants to expire before the cat wants to expire, before the pig. Whatever it is, whatever your pet pig, it doesn't last. And so there we are taking our walk, trying to get some clarity, I guess, trying to just deal with it.

12:34 I can't tell you how many walks I took yesterday. There were a lot, and there was some walks that I took on my own that I walked in circles because you get to that point where you know you like being at home, but yet you don't want to go inside the house, and that's challenging. I want to move anything either. I think that many of you, like you, walk in the house on the first time back, and you see the food balls and you see the beds, and some of you say, maybe I should move that, maybe I should do this, maybe I should do that, and I I haven't moved anything yet. I've purposely not moved anything yet, because I think there's a respect value.

13:26 I think there's a respect value, and I don't think that hiding it is the way to deal with it. I think acknowledging the fact that this really happened, acknowledging the fact that you missed them and you know it was hard. I remember we went to dinner last night and neither one of us were hungry. Both of us were not hungry at all. Both of us didn't have to eat, but we wanted to get out of the house. We hadn't been out of the house in weeks, and you know, to eat dinner. You know, we wanted to get out of the house. Could be been paying attention to Buddy. We've been making sure he's okay, making sure he's okay, making sure he's fine, you know, being there for him. And so we sat down and we ate.

14:07 We both kind of moved our food around and both I had intergestion. When I got out of there, got back to the house, and again it hits you even harder, and I said, man, I really just hope I can go to sleep tonight. I hope I can just get some rest, because I just didn't know if that's even possible. I didn't know if that's possible. And so I laid there and it was hard, and I was able to sleep for a few hours, and I woke up about one am sad. And I woke up at three o'clock thinking I might have seen Buddy, and I thought maybe he needed to get up on the bed, and then I realized he wasn't there. And then I woke up about seven am, and I haven't woke up. I think it's I think it was when Dulte passed. I think that was the last time that I woke up just crying.

15:01 And I woke up this morning crying and it was tough. And you know, it's the last few weeks I had been waking up in the morning just with dread, with dread because I didn't know when the day was gonna come. When was the day gonna come that his body was gonna stop working, When was the day gonna come that this was gonna happen. And I woke up in the morning like two am, and I'd gasping, Oh God, and I you know, and you would think about this stuff, and then today was a different thing where it's like, oh my god. It was like that empty feeling and you had you had to keep her minding yourself. You know, it's not real. They're you know, they're still around. It's just not real. I can get through this. I can get through this. I can get through this. And I quickly jumped out of bed, you know, washed my face, brush my teeth, and you know, I said, hey, I'm to take a walk, went out on a walk. I was like, I gotta get out of you. I gotta take a walk. Took a long walk. And it was interesting because the day before I had one of the walks that I took. When I was walking around in circles, I ran into a person that apparently had just moved here.

16:18 And you know, Dulce was a Dalmatian and you don't see a lot of Dalmatians. And I adopted Dulce at the SPCA, you know, back in the day. And all of a sudden, I walk up and it's a Dalmatian and the dalmation is wagging its tail. She's so happy to see me, and I gave her a hug. She gave me a big hug back, and it was interesting and it was just very interesting. The dog was named Pressley after el was Presley, and the lady had just moved from Memphis, and very coincidental, right, I don't think there's any coincidences. And it was interesting. And so today there was a lady with a with with a large dog, I can't remember the breede, but very cool dog, and and she was walking one way and he got he got one look at me. It turned around and he stopped and he sat down and he wouldn't get up, and she was trying to move him, and he sat and she she's trying to move him. She got him at one point, and then he just started walking toward me, like pulling her. He was like. The lady was very thin and the dog was a large dog, and she's like, oh my gosh, he doesn't do this, you know. And so I he started get He was right there and I was hugging him, and you know, I said, hey, my dog, you know, my dog, you know, lost his body, just passed a few hours ago, yesterday. And she goes, oh my god, and she started crying. And I mean, it's just hard, you know. And it was interesting. The dog sat down and put its paw and moved its arm up and put its hand in my hand and

17:49 looked right at me in the eyes. They know exactly what's going on. And when I sat with that dog for about twelve minutes, that's a long time. Think about a dog who's a puppy, by the way, a puppy hanging out with someone they don't know, putting their paw in there in someone's hand and chilling out. How rare? Is that? Pretty rare? Pretty rare? And I remember I came home and I had some coffee and I had some more coffee, and I looked around and I saw the dog balls and the beds into this and then that, and I said, you know, I'm just gonna leave it. I'm gonna leave it. It's like you know when when you have a spouse ru and die, some people go and clean out everything, throw everything out, get everything out of the closet. It's like, Okay, I think there's a time period out of respect. I think there's a time period out of mourning, and I think there's a time period that's correct to deal with it. But the coming home is the hardest thing, guys, And you know that.

18:46 I know that. And even in my office, my office is Buddy's office. Let's get that correct. That is this is Buddy's office. I'm here at this is Buddy's studio. I'm in Buddy's studio. We still got dog bed dog, this dog blanket, all this stuff in here. It's fine. It's not easy, but nobody said it was going to be easy. And so when you have somebody in your life. Oh well, it's just a dog. It's never just a dog. It's never just a dog. It's a soul. It's a soul that's very close with you. It's a soul that matters to you, and they matter. You know, they matter to you, and you matter to them. And I know that many people will give you advice, and I love it because people try. People are trying when they give to you advice, they're trying to tell you what they think you need to do. They're trying to give you good advice. And I'd like to give you some advice. Now.

19:44 You can take it. You don't have to if you want to, but I know that it works and its sound advice. And that is you know, if you're going through this, and you're dealing with this, try to stay is sober as you possibly can. Try to be as cognitive as you possibly can, Try to keep it together as you possibly can. You got this, you know what I'm saying. But you gotta walk through it. You can't put it under the carpet. You can't stick it under the rug. You can't drink it away, you can't smoke it away. You can't do that. It's not gonna work.

20:29 It's gonna get worse. And when it gets worse, you're not processing This relationship is so smart and so intelligent as far as what it's about. It's about compassion, it's about empathy, it's about connection, it's about understanding. It's about family. And the thing is that we're family, and it's about seeing that and understanding that and processing that and going through that and giving respect for the relationship as it deserves. I know that. I hear people say, oh, you know, I've never had a dog. I don't think I could ever get a dog because I would hate if it died. I could never deal with that. I couldn't deal with that. And I said, you know, it was interesting. A person that I work out at the gym with said that the other day. It was on Wednesday. We're on Saturday. No, it was Thursday. And I said, you know, I get it.

21:23 I understand, but you're missing out because the energy and the connection and the love that you have is so much worth it. It's so better, it's so much worth it, and the pain is painful. My own father had to be there when my dog growing up. I was in college and I wish he still would have called me. I still can't believe he did this on his own. He was there when snuggles body gave gave away, when Snuggles just couldn't deal with it anymore. I really wish you would have called me in contact because that was my baby. But he took it up on hisself, and he's never gotten over that. He's never gotten over it.

22:10 He's never been able to get another dog. He's never gotten over it. And I feel bad for him because I understand. But the love, it's like you have to take the hit. It's the same thing as if you never got married, or you never gotten a relationship, or you never had a good friend, you know. I mean, to me, buddy is like freaking right up there, you know, he's Yeah, he's my best friend in the world. And I've lost friends. I've lost a lot of human friends and it's painful. But I wouldn't stop being their friend or have my life just because like, oh shit, you know, maybe they might die and then that's gonna hurt me really bad, so I better steck away from that. Yeah, I mean, it sucks. This pain sucks, and anybody that's going through it, right now exactly what I'm talking about.

23:02 But you knew what you were getting into, and he chose it because you wanted to have that connection, you wanted that love. And maybe I'm here to kind of put that back in your head. Maybe I'm here to reinforce the fact that you know, hey, this is okay, this is okay. You're gonna get through this. It's gonna take some time, but it was so worth it. It was so worth it having them, It was so worth it. And you can have all those memories and you can reconnect and you can know that they're there watching over you, they are there even maybe talking to you. You just gotta fuck you, just gotta listen. And you know, it's interesting because every time you go into that venture, it's worth it.

23:58 When you're ready, it's worth it. When it's the right time, it's worth it. It's worth it to you. And I just want you to think about that, because I know many of you are there. And if you're depressed and you're going through a deep depression or you're going you're very upset about the situation. I understand. I get it. I get it probably better than most people. And I want you to find some support if you have some friends. If you don't have friends that understand this, if you if your friends are like, oh, it's just a dog, right, dah da da da da, find other friends. If you need support, you can contact me. But it's interesting because it's like a lot of people out there. It's like the all the ideots care about people's kids, but when it comes to someone that doesn't have children as a oh sorry about that. Hey, you get over it. There, they'll be fine. You take your good okay, Yeah, let me remind me to say that, you know, when your first born dies from you know, from a car crash, I'm sure that you're going to really take that very well. Well.

25:01 It's about compassionate empathy. And it's like, if you are a dog person, you're already writing my book okay, and dogs know people that aren't great people. They're pretty good at sniffing it out, you know what I'm talking about. Some are more persnicty than others. I'll tell you that at picking them out and pointing out who's not good. Yeah. I mean, if you're going through it right now, you know, talking about it to friends that care, taking long walks and realizing that You're allowed to get sad, You're allowed to break down. It's good to break down. I'm not a crier, guys, I haven't cried in years. Like, I mean, I'm serious. Like I have some friends that you know, they mess with me about it because they're like, you know, you're not emotional. I mean, one of my best friends in the world, she's constantly saying that I wish you would show more emotion. Why don't you cry? I cry? Yeah, I know, I know. It's not like I'm not trying to cry. Well maybe so, I don't know, but I'm not as emotional as some people are, as far as outwardly.

26:08 I try to a lot of it. I suck in, like I keep in right, just like you. A lot of you do the same thing. We hide it. If we go cry, we go cry in the corner. If we cry, we cry in our car. Right, we don't cry you know the people. So you know what, and this stuff really breaks me down. I cry in front of other people when it comes to this. I mean, I remember I cried so much when Dulce done I got a sinus infection. I cried that much. And buddy, I'm sure this is going to go on the same I mean, I'm only in the first twenty four hours, right, but I'm allowing myself to do that. I'm giving myself grace.

26:51 You've got to give yourself grace and don't try to just throw it down. Don't try to just you know, sweep it under the rug. I advise you not to because the more you drink or the more you smoke, the more you push it backwards and you're still going to have to deal with it. It's still going to happen. It's just you're taking a depressant now on top of the loss, which is not a good idea. You know, I made the comment to my spouse either or not. I said, you know, you know, I mean there's a lot of people out there that are that are single, or they're divorced, or they're widowed, and they lose their dog, and you know, they need to be watched. I mean, it's it could be a suicide watch because that dog was their best friend. And I said, you know, sometimes I think couples take it for granted because they have someone else to fall back on, they have someone else to talk to, they have someone else that's in the house and it's not fucking so freaking quiet. And if you are single and you just lost your best friend, I want you to have people over. I want you to start doing things. I want you to start playing some happy music. I want you to start doing things.

28:08 I want you to get out and about. I want you to start being active. And I want you to call up some friends and family. I want you to do that because I know it is hard, it is excruciating, and it will get better. It's just gonna take some freaking time here, and you're not gonna forget them. I haven't forgotten one moment from Dulce. I haven't forgotten one moment from some of those days. Ever. I can remember it down to the second, and that was seventeen years ago, maybe eighteen years ago, at least seventeen. It's a long time remember down to the second of what happened and where you were and what you did and everything else that happened. Because it made an impression on you, It made a paw print on you, It touched your soul, and soul touching things only happened certain amount of times in your life, and sometimes they are the most amazing things.

29:13 And somebody of the most excruciating things. However, sometimes we have to go through these pieces, these gut wrenching pieces, because we had so many years of true love. And Buddy was a Helian and I know that some of you had dogs that were Helien. See, my Buddy was that dog that you know when he was young, he was crazy. He was crazy. You know, he was doing the zoomies, he was crazy. I mean I was running him like I had a lady that was running him like six miles a day just to calm him down. We had a treadmill in the house, a dog treadmill as well. I'm not kidding you. Okay. He needed like three to four hours of real exercise, hardcore exercise a day.

29:57 He went to camp, he went to school. Okay. It wasn't until the last five years that Buddy calmed down. I mean he didn't calm down until maybe four years. He didn't come down to was at least eleven, maybe twelve, maybe twelve. I remember, my dad still talks about him biting him in the butt. He still hasn't gotten over that. I mean, some of y'all had calm dogs the whole time, and that's a different story. But some of y'all had real crazy ones, especially if you adopted one like I did. Adults, I understand because you have all the bad patterns and all the abuse and everything else that you gotta overcome, and you got to overcome all that, overcome all this, and overcome the eating issues and overcome the abuse issues, and eventually you get that dog that loves you and you love them because they realize that you're there for the rest of their life. But this is hard because you've had so many uphill battles and so much stuff going through it. And I give you kudos. I give you a pat on the back, I give you your metal honor. I give you a metal honor for doing it because I know that you're probably not because you're over there coming up with something. I should have done this, done that. I should have been there, I should have done this. I should have canceled that. I mean, I felt bad. I had a friend of mine that I was having a birthday on Thursday night and I really wanted to go, and she's a very good friend of mine, and I said, I'm sorry, I can't, and I know she was hurt by that, but I didn't want to tell her at the time this might be my last night, and it was. And I'm so glad I stayed home, and I'm so glad I wouldn't have gone anyway, but I I I'm glad that I didn't take it for granted.

31:30 I'm glad that I did not take that for granted. I'm glad that I didn't think, Oh no, no, it's fine. You know, I know him, You know I didn't you realize he was He was, he was in pain, but he wanted to stay so bad that he hit it. He wanted to stay so bad that he overcome. You know. He just like, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna push through it, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this. I can do this, mom. And I didn't know that because he didn't want to show me, because he also wanted to be here. And so I hope all y'all can connect and give. If you currently have a dog or cat, he's your best friend, give him a hug, give him a kiss, if they can take a walk, or you want to get in the car take a drive. If you've just lost one, or lost one recently or in the last year, give yourself some grace and if you're still teetering and wondering what should I do? Did you love the last time? Before the end part? Was everything else pretty good? I mean some of it might have been crazy, but was it worth it? I Mean, it's like a kid, right, Sometimes there's growing pains and sometimes you have the Terrible twos, but it's a good time.

32:43 If you haven't checked out the website, check out the website Ashleyburgers dot com. You can actually set up coaching and therapy sessions right online on the coaching section. Hi advice, Just if you're coming home and dealing with this, give yourself some grace, take lots of walks. State as clear headed as you possibly can. When you think about having a drink, have a water, have a juice. Don't overreat, like just be have clarity. Try not to you know, eat yourself into feeling calm, because that's not gonna help you either, because it's not gonna work. We got to deal with what's in there. We got to deal with the sadness and the pain and the frustration. We got to deal with it so that it'll slowly dissipate and we can go through the processing of grief. So we can come out the other side. I have a part three here very soon. I got to get there, right.

33:35 I mean, yes, I've done this before, but I but these two times are very different. And I feel like when we're going through it and it's right there, it's time to share, not time to just suck it in and hide it. It's time to put it out there to help you, to help other people. Now, you might know someone right now that's going through it and you don't know what to tell them because you don't know what to tell them because you haven't gone through it, or they're not Your dog is not like your kids so it's a different story, or you don't have a dog and you don't know what to say. Send them the first podcast episode of this, Send them this one right here and all the other episodes, and say, hey, I might not know exactly what to say, and I don't know maybe exactly what you need to hear, but you need to hear this because this will help you because she's gone through it and she knows what it's about, and she knows there's pain and suffering, but she knows you have to give yourself grace and you're allowed to cry and you're allowed to show your emotions and she got to take care of yourself. You gotta remember, even though I'm not hungry or don't want to eat, you gotta eat a little bit of food, you know, think about those things. If you're eating too much, you gotta step back and go why am I trying to fill that void of food? These things go other ways, right, Just say hey, I want to work on this. I want to process this because this relationship was so important to me. I want to be able to open myself up to that in the future. And I want to be a to see the value. And I don't want to take this as a negative. I want to be in a positive form of this because it matters. Because

35:09 these relationships, it's like it's God's energy. It's not some random energy, even though they might never bark it to big presence. Right, what does presence mean? Very interesting words we use, right, So just be aware of when you're interacting and when you use to interact. See that, look back at some of those memories, look back at some things and realize and think about that energy. There's a reason why the energy is so important. You're like, there's a reason why you miss it because it's very real, because it's real conscious Christ's energy that is so important to have. That's what it is. It's Christ's conscious energy that you had in the room and a fur body that was there that you could feel that you knew it was there. I love you, I love your an, I love your child, your dog, best friend, companion, buddy.

36:09 I know the buddy's looking at me right now, going, hey, that was pretty good. I miss him very much. It's been a little bit more than twenty four hours. We'll get through this together. If you want to send me any sort of message, you can always go to the website Ashleyburges dot com, click on that contact page and you can send me an email. Right then we can talk about it together. I can also be there to support you and tune into the next part three of this conversation that we're having here live on the Ashley Burgess podcast. Don't forget to live your true life.