Oct. 15, 2025

The Emotional Journey of Losing Your Best Beloved Dog or Cat. [Ep. 803]

The Emotional Journey of Losing Your Best Beloved Dog or Cat. [Ep. 803]
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Losing a pet to death of their body is painful and you may feel lonely because others don’t understand the bond and connection. They don’t understand the love and connection you had with this being. People say things like, they were ready to go, and other say it was just their time, they think they are being accurate and helpful but neither one of the comments bare any truth. The truth is that their body failed them, whether it be environmental, food, or organ failure, their body stopped working. Whether it was medicine, poor dietary value, breed specific issue, etc, your dog or cat was not wanting to leave you. Much like the elderly grandmother of 90 years old who loves playing with her grandkids, she doesn’t just stop wanting to see her grandkids and say well I am ready to go. No, she was pulled from her life because of her body failure just like our dogs and cats are pulled from their life. If you see your dog or cat or pig as your best friend, a kindred spirit, and your soul family you can’t miss this podcast. This podcast will fuel your heart and remind you or awaken you to the truth within your heart and spirit. I recorded this podcast the day after Buddy's body failed him on August 22, 2025.

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You're in a good place now you are listening to

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Perspectives with Ashley Burgeons. Welcome back live to the Ashley

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Burgess Podcast. So many of you have a dog, You've

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had a dog, you've lost a dog, and many of

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us talk about a dog as our family member. Our

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dog is we're with them all the time. It's our

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best friend. For some of us, it's a child because

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we don't have children of our own. And you take

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care of them just like a child. You wake up

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up in the morning and you get them ready, you

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give them a bath, you fix their food for them,

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you take them out, you take them to work with you,

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you take them in the car with you. You know

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you've made dinner for them. You play with them, you

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take them to bed, you put them in their bed.

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Whatever it is. You get up the next morning, you

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rent and repeat, and you do it because you love it,

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because it's something that you love to do. It's become

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second nature. It's part of your makeup because you love it.

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And some of you have challenging dogs. And some of

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you had challenging dogs, but then they got older and

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they got easy year to do it. But you still

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love him. It doesn't matter how challenging it was, you

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dealt with it, and as you go through the years,

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you're like, wow, this is amazing, and you grow together

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and you have so much fun and so many experiences,

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and then that time comes where their body is just

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giving out. And that's so challenging to see because it's

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like you're looking at it and because you're day in

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and day out and you're around it all the time.

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It's like seeing a friend of yours with cancer. It's

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like seeing a parent with cancer, right, and you see them,

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but you see him every day, and so they don't

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look to you the way that they look to other people.

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To you, they look fine because you see them every day.

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You don't see the weight loss like other people do.

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You don't see the facial structure change like other people do.

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You don't see how how like you know, slow or

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laborious they become because you're around it all the time. Now,

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in my situation with Buddy, he look like a million bucks.

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Literally right before he went into the VETS office, right

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before we had the fallout, he looked great. I mean

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I have pictures of him literally two hours before that

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where he looks amazing. It would be like you looking great,

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you looking amazing, looking like a billion dollars, leaving the

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house and he never come back. And that's what was

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so tough with Buddy, because he's such a strong, strong,

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passionate soul that he was keeping it together even though

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his body was given out. He didn't want to leave.

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I know that a lot of us talk about, oh,

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well it was their time to leave. It wasn't their time, Okay,

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their body was like I can't do this anymore, which

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sucks so bad. You know, there's all these misnomers, Oh

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it's their time, you know, Come on, I mean, you know,

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does the body have like this, you know, this thing

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in there? Okay, it's my time. I'm gonna are breaking down.

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I mean I would rather just not break down and

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then like a sind or, you know, not break down

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and poof instead of like, oh, I'm gonna break down

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and have this horrible situation that happens and then it's

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my time. No. And so you know this is where

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part two begins. There you are, for any of you,

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leaving the VETS office. For some of you, unfortunately, like

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it was with Dulce, you're leaving the twenty four hour

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emergency clinic where you knew nobody and you had to

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deal with letting your dog go at two am, and

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the circumstances that you had to deal with. Very different

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from that situation was the opposite situation that it dealt

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with with Buddy. Like I was saying with Dulce, I

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got that whole day of hanging out with them prior

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to this, like ice cream, fun, everything. I didn't get

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that with Buddy. Now. I had all these experiences Buddy

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that you know, were amazing, but I wanted that extra day.

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I wanted just one more day. And that was hard.

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And so we start now in part two, where we're

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leaving the er. For some of you, it's day, for

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some of you, it's night. For me, it was one

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thirty in the afternoon yesterday, and I'm walking out and

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I have a bag in one hand that says Buddy

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Burchess on it, and inside Buddy Burgess's bag is his

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collar and his leash and the medications that the oncologists

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had given him earlier in the week. And I carried

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that bag out with me and the rest of my family,

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and Greg walked out with me and we went up

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and it was tough because it was tough, and we

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had some friends calling, and you know, it was nice

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to be surrounded with people that care. And you're leaving

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there and everything seems surreal because it's like, wait a second, now,

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what do I do? And I told Greg when we

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were there, I said, you know, my concern is that

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things are going to get hard. You know, now, things

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are going to get hard, because we got to go

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back home. And I remember just getting in my car

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and I put my bag in the back seat and

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it was on. You know, I have a like a

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dog cover thing that goes around the you know, the

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back of the head rests and around the backhead rest

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on the secondary seat so that he kind of catches

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all the hair. You know, y'all, y'all know what I'm

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talking about. I mean, I have a terrier, right miniature

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bull terrier, right Buddy, And if anybody can shed, it's buddy.

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Buddy is a shedder from way back. And I know

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that many of you have dogs that are shutters, have

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been a shutter, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

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There's no non shedding involved, and so there's a lot

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of hair. So I sat there and I put my

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back there and I had a towel in there for

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him and his favorite blanket, and I just remember taking

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a long breath, and I'm driving back to the house,

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and I'm thinking, oh my god, how is it going

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to be. When I get into the house, how is

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this going to be? Everything is about Buddy. His treat bowl,

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all his vitamins, his water bowl, his food bowl, his

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food stand, his beds. I mean, heck, I have a

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bed for him in my office. I have a bed

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for him in the house. I have another bed for

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him upstairs. I have another bed for him that goes

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and roams from place to place if he's not comfortable,

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so he can stay somewhere else. I got a food

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bowl upstairs. I mean, I have another bowl in the office.

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I mean, like, we're talking about a lot of stuff here,

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you know, and every time you look around, it's something

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else that reminds you of And we walked in the door.

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We were driving separate cars because we were you know,

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I was coming from uh the work in the office,

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and he was coming from his office. And I barked

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and I was like, you know, we walked in the

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door and I was like whoa, And it was so quiet,

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and see Remember, Buddy didn't bark. Buddy did not bark.

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The only time he barked. The only time he barked

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was when nobody was around and he wanted your food. Okay,

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when it was just you and him and he's gonna bark,

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he did like a chirp. It was like a chirp.

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You know. He wanted he was a very high pitch chirp,

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and he wanted your food. He wanted to get your attention,

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and he wanted your food. The only other times is

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that we you know, we badly, we badly trained him

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as a child. You know, at Mexican restaurants about chips.

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We would give him chips and then you know, he

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wanted the chips so bad that if he didn't get

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the chip, he would do a chirp. But he wasn't

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a so it's not like he would bark when he

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got to the door. You know, you know, you might

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hear some foots, you know, like some footsteps, that's it,

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some past steps. But I realized, you know, when people say, wow,

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it's quite it's because it's like it's the energy that's gone.

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It's their energy that's not there in the physical form,

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and that physical form. Energy is so important to be

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around because it makes everything better, and it's like, okay,

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you know it's not there. And even if your dog's

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not a barker, I mean, even if your dog's not

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a barker and he's deaf and blind, he still brings

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that energy into the room. And you know what I

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talk about. You know, if you just lost a dog,

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or lost the dog recently, or have lost the dog

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in the past, or you currently have a dog and

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you know what I'm talking about. You understand what I'm saying,

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or you're like thinking about getting another dog. Wherever you

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are in this grouping, you know what I'm talking about.

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And if you're lucky enough to have a dog right

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now and to be through it, check it out and

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find out. It's funny if you don't have a barker

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and that dog's not really loud, realize they are larger

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than life because of their good God energy. And you know,

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we got in the house and it was who yeah,

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because the energy wasn't there. The energy wasn't there. And

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I think sometimes we take that energy for granted, and

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it's not an energy to take for granted, it's an

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energy to definitely respect. And cultivate. And so I asked Greg,

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I said, do you want to go take a walk,

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and he said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to

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take a walk. And so we were walking down I

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wanted to go a certain way and the neighborhood. And

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we were walking in the neighborhood and we walked down

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one street and down another, and I told him a

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little bit about what I said, you know, And I said,

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you know, I've been talking to Buddy for several days

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about the same thing. And I told him about some

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stuff that I said and it's it's it's very deep

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to me, and it was very deep, and it was

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it was and he was like wow. And as I

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was saying it, this huge branch on this huge tree cracks,

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drops down and shatters the windshield of a car because

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I had just spoken and boomed, and it was acknowledging

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the fact that what I had said has merit and

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obviously is acknowledged by others involved. And I thought that

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was interesting, and that led me to realize, Okay, the

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energy may not be unfortunately seen, but it can be felt.

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And I think our eyes deceive us unfortunately in this lifetime.

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I think our eyes deceive us, it's like it's like

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it's conning us into believing something different than is real.

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It's like the eyes seem to be like it's almost

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as if they've been made like with some sort of

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DNA situation, left out or skimmed over or something, whereas

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there it just seems like there's a screen on top

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of them, like screen doors that if you were just

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able to open them, you would actually see more of

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what's really happening. Because, like I was saying, in the situation,

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while I'm watching Buddy and he has the oxygen mask gone,

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he's laying on the table, and you know, they've given

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me about an hour and a half to spend with him.

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I mean, I realize, Yes, I know for a fact

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that you know, spirit is different from body. Bodies different

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from spirit. And that's why it's surreal, because a lot

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of people fall for the fact that, oh, the body,

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the outer layer is you know, going, so therefore the

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other is gone. I do believe that the bodies, unfortunately

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in our lifetime right now, due to lots of reasons

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that I'll go into on another time, are expiring before

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the person wants to expire, before the dog wants to

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expire before the cat wants to expire, before the pig.

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Whatever it is, whatever your pet pig, it doesn't last.

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And so there we are taking our walk, trying to

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get some clarity, I guess, trying to just deal with it.

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I can't tell you how many walks I took yesterday.

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There were a lot, and there was some walks that

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I took on my own that I walked in circles

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because you get to that point where you know you

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like being at home, but yet you don't want to

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go inside the house, and that's challenging. I want to

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move anything either. I think that many of you, like you,

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walk in the house on the first time back, and

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you see the food balls and you see the beds,

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and some of you say, maybe I should move that,

225
00:13:12.399 --> 00:13:14.440
maybe I should do this, maybe I should do that,

226
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and I I haven't moved anything yet. I've purposely not

227
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moved anything yet, because I think there's a respect value.

228
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I think there's a respect value, and I don't think

229
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that hiding it is the way to deal with it.

230
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I think acknowledging the fact that this really happened, acknowledging

231
00:13:36.600 --> 00:13:41.559
the fact that you missed them and you know it

232
00:13:41.639 --> 00:13:43.879
was hard. I remember we went to dinner last night

233
00:13:43.960 --> 00:13:47.039
and neither one of us were hungry. Both of us

234
00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:50.440
were not hungry at all. Both of us didn't have

235
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to eat, but we wanted to get out of the house.

236
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We hadn't been out of the house in weeks, and

237
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you know, to eat dinner. You know, we wanted to

238
00:13:56.039 --> 00:13:58.039
get out of the house. Could be been paying attention

239
00:13:58.120 --> 00:14:00.360
to Buddy. We've been making sure he's okay, making sure

240
00:14:00.360 --> 00:14:03.879
he's okay, making sure he's fine, you know, being there

241
00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:07.200
for him. And so we sat down and we ate.

242
00:14:07.279 --> 00:14:09.279
We both kind of moved our food around and both

243
00:14:09.399 --> 00:14:13.000
I had intergestion. When I got out of there, got

244
00:14:13.039 --> 00:14:17.480
back to the house, and again it hits you even harder,

245
00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:19.679
and I said, man, I really just hope I can

246
00:14:19.720 --> 00:14:21.639
go to sleep tonight. I hope I can just get

247
00:14:21.720 --> 00:14:24.399
some rest, because I just didn't know if that's even possible.

248
00:14:24.440 --> 00:14:29.440
I didn't know if that's possible. And so I laid

249
00:14:29.480 --> 00:14:32.399
there and it was hard, and I was able to

250
00:14:32.399 --> 00:14:34.320
sleep for a few hours, and I woke up about

251
00:14:34.360 --> 00:14:39.639
one am sad. And I woke up at three o'clock

252
00:14:40.559 --> 00:14:44.399
thinking I might have seen Buddy, and I thought maybe

253
00:14:44.440 --> 00:14:46.440
he needed to get up on the bed, and then

254
00:14:46.480 --> 00:14:50.919
I realized he wasn't there. And then I woke up

255
00:14:51.000 --> 00:14:54.480
about seven am, and I haven't woke up. I think

256
00:14:54.480 --> 00:14:57.080
it's I think it was when Dulte passed. I think

257
00:14:57.120 --> 00:14:59.960
that was the last time that I woke up just crying.

258
00:15:01.799 --> 00:15:05.919
And I woke up this morning crying and it was tough.

259
00:15:09.440 --> 00:15:12.600
And you know, it's the last few weeks I had

260
00:15:12.639 --> 00:15:16.759
been waking up in the morning just with dread, with

261
00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:24.240
dread because I didn't know when the day was gonna come.

262
00:15:24.279 --> 00:15:26.840
When was the day gonna come that his body was

263
00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:30.320
gonna stop working, When was the day gonna come that

264
00:15:31.720 --> 00:15:33.519
this was gonna happen. And I woke up in the

265
00:15:33.559 --> 00:15:36.559
morning like two am, and I'd gasping, Oh God, and

266
00:15:36.600 --> 00:15:38.879
I you know, and you would think about this stuff,

267
00:15:38.919 --> 00:15:41.039
and then today was a different thing where it's like,

268
00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:43.679
oh my god. It was like that empty feeling and

269
00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:46.360
you had you had to keep her minding yourself. You know,

270
00:15:46.519 --> 00:15:48.679
it's not real. They're you know, they're still around. It's

271
00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:52.759
just not real. I can get through this. I can

272
00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:54.279
get through this. I can get through this. And I

273
00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:57.120
quickly jumped out of bed, you know, washed my face,

274
00:15:57.200 --> 00:16:00.000
brush my teeth, and you know, I said, hey, I'm

275
00:16:00.200 --> 00:16:01.720
to take a walk, went out on a walk. I

276
00:16:01.759 --> 00:16:02.919
was like, I gotta get out of you. I gotta

277
00:16:02.960 --> 00:16:09.080
take a walk. Took a long walk. And it was

278
00:16:09.080 --> 00:16:11.919
interesting because the day before I had one of the

279
00:16:11.960 --> 00:16:14.320
walks that I took. When I was walking around in circles,

280
00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:17.879
I ran into a person that apparently had just moved here.

281
00:16:18.720 --> 00:16:21.679
And you know, Dulce was a Dalmatian and you don't

282
00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:25.080
see a lot of Dalmatians. And I adopted Dulce at

283
00:16:25.120 --> 00:16:30.840
the SPCA, you know, back in the day. And all

284
00:16:30.879 --> 00:16:32.759
of a sudden, I walk up and it's a Dalmatian

285
00:16:32.759 --> 00:16:35.639
and the dalmation is wagging its tail. She's so happy

286
00:16:35.679 --> 00:16:38.080
to see me, and I gave her a hug. She

287
00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:40.720
gave me a big hug back, and it was interesting

288
00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:43.399
and it was just very interesting. The dog was named

289
00:16:43.399 --> 00:16:45.679
Pressley after el was Presley, and the lady had just

290
00:16:45.720 --> 00:16:48.240
moved from Memphis, and very coincidental, right, I don't think

291
00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:51.279
there's any coincidences. And it was interesting. And so today

292
00:16:52.879 --> 00:16:55.879
there was a lady with a with with a large dog,

293
00:16:56.679 --> 00:17:00.039
I can't remember the breede, but very cool dog, and

294
00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:02.279
and she was walking one way and he got he

295
00:17:02.399 --> 00:17:04.359
got one look at me. It turned around and he

296
00:17:04.680 --> 00:17:06.880
stopped and he sat down and he wouldn't get up,

297
00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:08.440
and she was trying to move him, and he sat

298
00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:10.640
and she she's trying to move him. She got him

299
00:17:10.640 --> 00:17:12.960
at one point, and then he just started walking toward me,

300
00:17:13.680 --> 00:17:15.920
like pulling her. He was like. The lady was very

301
00:17:15.960 --> 00:17:20.240
thin and the dog was a large dog, and she's like,

302
00:17:20.279 --> 00:17:22.640
oh my gosh, he doesn't do this, you know. And

303
00:17:22.759 --> 00:17:25.079
so I he started get He was right there and

304
00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:27.799
I was hugging him, and you know, I said, hey,

305
00:17:27.839 --> 00:17:31.960
my dog, you know, my dog, you know, lost his body,

306
00:17:32.480 --> 00:17:36.039
just passed a few hours ago, yesterday. And she goes,

307
00:17:36.039 --> 00:17:38.880
oh my god, and she started crying. And I mean,

308
00:17:38.920 --> 00:17:41.920
it's just hard, you know. And it was interesting. The

309
00:17:42.000 --> 00:17:45.000
dog sat down and put its paw and moved its

310
00:17:45.240 --> 00:17:49.480
arm up and put its hand in my hand and

311
00:17:49.559 --> 00:17:53.200
looked right at me in the eyes. They know exactly

312
00:17:53.200 --> 00:17:57.119
what's going on. And when I sat with that dog

313
00:17:57.160 --> 00:18:00.519
for about twelve minutes, that's a long time. Think about

314
00:18:00.599 --> 00:18:03.480
a dog who's a puppy, by the way, a puppy

315
00:18:03.839 --> 00:18:06.359
hanging out with someone they don't know, putting their paw

316
00:18:06.440 --> 00:18:09.640
in there in someone's hand and chilling out. How rare?

317
00:18:09.799 --> 00:18:14.160
Is that? Pretty rare? Pretty rare? And I remember I

318
00:18:14.200 --> 00:18:16.079
came home and I had some coffee and I had

319
00:18:16.079 --> 00:18:18.079
some more coffee, and I looked around and I saw

320
00:18:18.119 --> 00:18:20.440
the dog balls and the beds into this and then that,

321
00:18:20.480 --> 00:18:21.880
and I said, you know, I'm just gonna leave it.

322
00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:24.240
I'm gonna leave it. It's like you know when when

323
00:18:24.279 --> 00:18:27.559
you have a spouse ru and die, some people go

324
00:18:27.599 --> 00:18:30.119
and clean out everything, throw everything out, get everything out

325
00:18:30.119 --> 00:18:32.559
of the closet. It's like, Okay, I think there's a

326
00:18:32.680 --> 00:18:35.680
time period out of respect. I think there's a time

327
00:18:35.720 --> 00:18:37.759
period out of mourning, and I think there's a time

328
00:18:37.759 --> 00:18:43.680
period that's correct to deal with it. But the coming

329
00:18:43.720 --> 00:18:46.640
home is the hardest thing, guys, And you know that.

330
00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:49.640
I know that. And even in my office, my office

331
00:18:49.839 --> 00:18:52.240
is Buddy's office. Let's get that correct. That is this

332
00:18:52.279 --> 00:18:54.799
is Buddy's office. I'm here at this is Buddy's studio.

333
00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:58.200
I'm in Buddy's studio. We still got dog bed dog,

334
00:18:58.319 --> 00:19:02.960
this dog blanket, all this stuff in here. It's fine.

335
00:19:04.839 --> 00:19:08.519
It's not easy, but nobody said it was going to

336
00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:11.400
be easy. And so when you have somebody in your life.

337
00:19:11.519 --> 00:19:14.200
Oh well, it's just a dog. It's never just a dog.

338
00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:20.720
It's never just a dog. It's a soul. It's a

339
00:19:20.759 --> 00:19:24.039
soul that's very close with you. It's a soul that

340
00:19:24.079 --> 00:19:27.960
matters to you, and they matter. You know, they matter

341
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:32.119
to you, and you matter to them. And I know

342
00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:34.519
that many people will give you advice, and I love

343
00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:37.279
it because people try. People are trying when they give

344
00:19:37.319 --> 00:19:39.519
to you advice, they're trying to tell you what they

345
00:19:39.559 --> 00:19:41.319
think you need to do. They're trying to give you

346
00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:44.880
good advice. And I'd like to give you some advice. Now.

347
00:19:44.920 --> 00:19:47.680
You can take it. You don't have to if you

348
00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:51.319
want to, but I know that it works and its

349
00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:56.240
sound advice. And that is you know, if you're going

350
00:19:56.319 --> 00:20:00.480
through this, and you're dealing with this, try to stay

351
00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:03.640
is sober as you possibly can. Try to be as

352
00:20:03.799 --> 00:20:09.839
cognitive as you possibly can, Try to keep it together

353
00:20:10.440 --> 00:20:15.440
as you possibly can. You got this, you know what

354
00:20:15.519 --> 00:20:19.440
I'm saying. But you gotta walk through it. You can't

355
00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:22.960
put it under the carpet. You can't stick it under

356
00:20:23.000 --> 00:20:26.599
the rug. You can't drink it away, you can't smoke

357
00:20:26.640 --> 00:20:29.640
it away. You can't do that. It's not gonna work.

358
00:20:29.720 --> 00:20:32.920
It's gonna get worse. And when it gets worse, you're

359
00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:37.920
not processing This relationship is so smart and so intelligent

360
00:20:37.960 --> 00:20:40.680
as far as what it's about. It's about compassion, it's

361
00:20:40.720 --> 00:20:45.880
about empathy, it's about connection, it's about understanding. It's about family.

362
00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:50.480
And the thing is that we're family, and it's about

363
00:20:50.519 --> 00:20:53.640
seeing that and understanding that and processing that and going

364
00:20:53.720 --> 00:20:58.319
through that and giving respect for the relationship as it deserves.

365
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:01.680
I know that. I hear people say, oh, you know,

366
00:21:02.119 --> 00:21:04.319
I've never had a dog. I don't think I could

367
00:21:04.319 --> 00:21:07.079
ever get a dog because I would hate if it died.

368
00:21:07.119 --> 00:21:09.200
I could never deal with that. I couldn't deal with that.

369
00:21:09.319 --> 00:21:12.119
And I said, you know, it was interesting. A person

370
00:21:12.119 --> 00:21:14.000
that I work out at the gym with said that

371
00:21:14.240 --> 00:21:20.000
the other day. It was on Wednesday. We're on Saturday. No,

372
00:21:20.079 --> 00:21:22.240
it was Thursday. And I said, you know, I get it.

373
00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:31.039
I understand, but you're missing out because the energy and

374
00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:34.599
the connection and the love that you have is so

375
00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:39.039
much worth it. It's so better, it's so much worth it,

376
00:21:39.480 --> 00:21:45.119
and the pain is painful. My own father had to

377
00:21:45.480 --> 00:21:49.359
be there when my dog growing up. I was in

378
00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:51.519
college and I wish he still would have called me.

379
00:21:51.599 --> 00:21:53.640
I still can't believe he did this on his own.

380
00:21:54.319 --> 00:21:59.519
He was there when snuggles body gave gave away, when

381
00:21:59.519 --> 00:22:03.079
Snuggles just couldn't deal with it anymore. I really wish

382
00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:04.880
you would have called me in contact because that was

383
00:22:04.960 --> 00:22:07.720
my baby. But he took it up on hisself, and

384
00:22:07.720 --> 00:22:10.160
he's never gotten over that. He's never gotten over it.

385
00:22:10.279 --> 00:22:12.920
He's never been able to get another dog. He's never

386
00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:17.680
gotten over it. And I feel bad for him because

387
00:22:17.720 --> 00:22:21.039
I understand. But the love, it's like you have to

388
00:22:21.079 --> 00:22:23.720
take the hit. It's the same thing as if you

389
00:22:23.839 --> 00:22:27.759
never got married, or you never gotten a relationship, or

390
00:22:27.799 --> 00:22:31.440
you never had a good friend, you know. I mean,

391
00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:35.599
to me, buddy is like freaking right up there, you know,

392
00:22:35.759 --> 00:22:42.200
he's Yeah, he's my best friend in the world. And

393
00:22:42.359 --> 00:22:45.319
I've lost friends. I've lost a lot of human friends

394
00:22:45.880 --> 00:22:48.759
and it's painful. But I wouldn't stop being their friend

395
00:22:48.839 --> 00:22:50.920
or have my life just because like, oh shit, you know,

396
00:22:51.000 --> 00:22:52.880
maybe they might die and then that's gonna hurt me

397
00:22:52.920 --> 00:22:55.880
really bad, so I better steck away from that. Yeah,

398
00:22:55.960 --> 00:22:58.839
I mean, it sucks. This pain sucks, and anybody that's

399
00:22:58.880 --> 00:23:01.759
going through it, right now exactly what I'm talking about.

400
00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:04.839
But you knew what you were getting into, and he

401
00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:07.799
chose it because you wanted to have that connection, you

402
00:23:07.880 --> 00:23:12.799
wanted that love. And maybe I'm here to kind of

403
00:23:12.839 --> 00:23:16.960
put that back in your head. Maybe I'm here to

404
00:23:17.079 --> 00:23:21.079
reinforce the fact that you know, hey, this is okay,

405
00:23:22.240 --> 00:23:25.680
this is okay. You're gonna get through this. It's gonna

406
00:23:25.720 --> 00:23:30.960
take some time, but it was so worth it. It

407
00:23:31.000 --> 00:23:38.319
was so worth it having them, It was so worth it.

408
00:23:41.079 --> 00:23:43.599
And you can have all those memories and you can

409
00:23:43.640 --> 00:23:46.880
reconnect and you can know that they're there watching over you,

410
00:23:46.920 --> 00:23:49.799
they are there even maybe talking to you. You just gotta

411
00:23:49.880 --> 00:23:54.400
fuck you, just gotta listen. And you know, it's interesting

412
00:23:54.400 --> 00:23:57.920
because every time you go into that venture, it's worth it.

413
00:23:58.599 --> 00:24:02.200
When you're ready, it's worth it. When it's the right time,

414
00:24:03.119 --> 00:24:07.960
it's worth it. It's worth it to you. And I

415
00:24:08.119 --> 00:24:09.839
just want you to think about that, because I know

416
00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:12.319
many of you are there. And if you're depressed and

417
00:24:12.359 --> 00:24:14.759
you're going through a deep depression or you're going you're

418
00:24:14.839 --> 00:24:18.319
very upset about the situation. I understand. I get it.

419
00:24:19.839 --> 00:24:24.440
I get it probably better than most people. And I

420
00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:26.720
want you to find some support if you have some friends.

421
00:24:26.759 --> 00:24:29.519
If you don't have friends that understand this, if you

422
00:24:29.559 --> 00:24:31.759
if your friends are like, oh, it's just a dog, right,

423
00:24:31.799 --> 00:24:35.680
dah da da da da, find other friends. If you

424
00:24:35.720 --> 00:24:40.640
need support, you can contact me. But it's interesting because

425
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:42.039
it's like a lot of people out there. It's like

426
00:24:42.079 --> 00:24:44.160
the all the ideots care about people's kids, but when

427
00:24:44.200 --> 00:24:46.240
it comes to someone that doesn't have children as a

428
00:24:46.519 --> 00:24:49.119
oh sorry about that. Hey, you get over it. There,

429
00:24:49.279 --> 00:24:53.359
they'll be fine. You take your good okay, Yeah, let

430
00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:55.440
me remind me to say that, you know, when your

431
00:24:55.480 --> 00:24:57.880
first born dies from you know, from a car crash,

432
00:24:57.880 --> 00:25:00.279
I'm sure that you're going to really take that very well. Well.

433
00:25:01.960 --> 00:25:04.440
It's about compassionate empathy. And it's like, if you are

434
00:25:04.519 --> 00:25:08.960
a dog person, you're already writing my book okay, and

435
00:25:09.079 --> 00:25:11.839
dogs know people that aren't great people. They're pretty good

436
00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:14.119
at sniffing it out, you know what I'm talking about.

437
00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:17.079
Some are more persnicty than others. I'll tell you that

438
00:25:17.559 --> 00:25:21.720
at picking them out and pointing out who's not good. Yeah.

439
00:25:21.799 --> 00:25:26.920
I mean, if you're going through it right now, you know,

440
00:25:27.079 --> 00:25:32.759
talking about it to friends that care, taking long walks

441
00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:37.559
and realizing that You're allowed to get sad, You're allowed

442
00:25:37.559 --> 00:25:41.359
to break down. It's good to break down. I'm not

443
00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:45.039
a crier, guys, I haven't cried in years. Like, I mean,

444
00:25:45.079 --> 00:25:47.440
I'm serious. Like I have some friends that you know,

445
00:25:47.519 --> 00:25:49.799
they mess with me about it because they're like, you know,

446
00:25:50.480 --> 00:25:52.920
you're not emotional. I mean, one of my best friends

447
00:25:52.960 --> 00:25:56.480
in the world, she's constantly saying that I wish you

448
00:25:56.519 --> 00:26:00.240
would show more emotion. Why don't you cry? I cry? Yeah,

449
00:26:00.279 --> 00:26:02.880
I know, I know. It's not like I'm not trying

450
00:26:02.920 --> 00:26:05.559
to cry. Well maybe so, I don't know, but I'm

451
00:26:05.599 --> 00:26:08.319
not as emotional as some people are, as far as outwardly.

452
00:26:08.440 --> 00:26:10.200
I try to a lot of it. I suck in,

453
00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:12.079
like I keep in right, just like you. A lot

454
00:26:12.119 --> 00:26:14.200
of you do the same thing. We hide it. If

455
00:26:14.240 --> 00:26:16.279
we go cry, we go cry in the corner. If

456
00:26:16.279 --> 00:26:18.720
we cry, we cry in our car. Right, we don't

457
00:26:18.799 --> 00:26:24.440
cry you know the people. So you know what, and

458
00:26:24.480 --> 00:26:27.759
this stuff really breaks me down. I cry in front

459
00:26:27.799 --> 00:26:31.119
of other people when it comes to this. I mean,

460
00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:35.599
I remember I cried so much when Dulce done I

461
00:26:35.640 --> 00:26:41.599
got a sinus infection. I cried that much. And buddy,

462
00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:43.480
I'm sure this is going to go on the same

463
00:26:43.519 --> 00:26:45.920
I mean, I'm only in the first twenty four hours, right,

464
00:26:46.720 --> 00:26:50.119
but I'm allowing myself to do that. I'm giving myself grace.

465
00:26:51.160 --> 00:26:54.839
You've got to give yourself grace and don't try to

466
00:26:54.880 --> 00:26:57.079
just throw it down. Don't try to just you know,

467
00:26:57.400 --> 00:26:59.839
sweep it under the rug. I advise you not to

468
00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:03.160
because the more you drink or the more you smoke,

469
00:27:03.559 --> 00:27:05.799
the more you push it backwards and you're still going

470
00:27:05.880 --> 00:27:08.039
to have to deal with it. It's still going to happen.

471
00:27:08.079 --> 00:27:11.119
It's just you're taking a depressant now on top of

472
00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:17.559
the loss, which is not a good idea. You know,

473
00:27:17.640 --> 00:27:19.440
I made the comment to my spouse either or not.

474
00:27:19.480 --> 00:27:24.319
I said, you know, you know, I mean there's a

475
00:27:24.400 --> 00:27:26.759
lot of people out there that are that are single,

476
00:27:27.680 --> 00:27:31.839
or they're divorced, or they're widowed, and they lose their dog,

477
00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:34.880
and you know, they need to be watched. I mean,

478
00:27:34.880 --> 00:27:39.079
it's it could be a suicide watch because that dog

479
00:27:39.240 --> 00:27:43.039
was their best friend. And I said, you know, sometimes

480
00:27:43.079 --> 00:27:45.039
I think couples take it for granted because they have

481
00:27:45.200 --> 00:27:47.920
someone else to fall back on, they have someone else

482
00:27:47.960 --> 00:27:50.279
to talk to, they have someone else that's in the

483
00:27:50.279 --> 00:27:55.279
house and it's not fucking so freaking quiet. And if

484
00:27:55.319 --> 00:27:59.279
you are single and you just lost your best friend,

485
00:27:59.839 --> 00:28:02.519
I want you to have people over. I want you

486
00:28:02.559 --> 00:28:05.359
to start doing things. I want you to start playing

487
00:28:05.400 --> 00:28:08.279
some happy music. I want you to start doing things.

488
00:28:08.359 --> 00:28:10.559
I want you to get out and about. I want

489
00:28:10.680 --> 00:28:14.519
you to start being active. And I want you to

490
00:28:14.559 --> 00:28:17.160
call up some friends and family. I want you to

491
00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:22.599
do that because I know it is hard, it is excruciating,

492
00:28:23.799 --> 00:28:26.519
and it will get better. It's just gonna take some

493
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:31.039
freaking time here, and you're not gonna forget them. I

494
00:28:31.079 --> 00:28:36.000
haven't forgotten one moment from Dulce. I haven't forgotten one

495
00:28:36.000 --> 00:28:38.960
moment from some of those days. Ever. I can remember

496
00:28:39.000 --> 00:28:44.680
it down to the second, and that was seventeen years ago,

497
00:28:46.279 --> 00:28:51.079
maybe eighteen years ago, at least seventeen. It's a long

498
00:28:51.119 --> 00:28:53.079
time remember down to the second of what happened and

499
00:28:53.079 --> 00:28:54.559
where you were and what you did and everything else

500
00:28:54.599 --> 00:28:58.720
that happened. Because it made an impression on you, It

501
00:28:58.759 --> 00:29:03.119
made a paw print on you, It touched your soul,

502
00:29:04.519 --> 00:29:08.680
and soul touching things only happened certain amount of times

503
00:29:08.680 --> 00:29:13.599
in your life, and sometimes they are the most amazing things.

504
00:29:13.599 --> 00:29:19.200
And somebody of the most excruciating things. However, sometimes we

505
00:29:19.279 --> 00:29:22.200
have to go through these pieces, these gut wrenching pieces,

506
00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:27.720
because we had so many years of true love. And

507
00:29:27.799 --> 00:29:29.839
Buddy was a Helian and I know that some of

508
00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:32.000
you had dogs that were Helien. See, my Buddy was

509
00:29:32.039 --> 00:29:33.920
that dog that you know when he was young, he

510
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:36.799
was crazy. He was crazy. You know, he was doing

511
00:29:36.839 --> 00:29:39.240
the zoomies, he was crazy. I mean I was running

512
00:29:39.279 --> 00:29:41.240
him like I had a lady that was running him

513
00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:44.759
like six miles a day just to calm him down.

514
00:29:44.960 --> 00:29:48.200
We had a treadmill in the house, a dog treadmill

515
00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:51.759
as well. I'm not kidding you. Okay. He needed like

516
00:29:51.839 --> 00:29:57.039
three to four hours of real exercise, hardcore exercise a day.

517
00:29:57.240 --> 00:30:01.039
He went to camp, he went to school. Okay. It

518
00:30:01.160 --> 00:30:04.759
wasn't until the last five years that Buddy calmed down.

519
00:30:05.160 --> 00:30:07.400
I mean he didn't calm down until maybe four years.

520
00:30:07.400 --> 00:30:10.079
He didn't come down to was at least eleven, maybe twelve,

521
00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:13.640
maybe twelve. I remember, my dad still talks about him

522
00:30:13.640 --> 00:30:15.920
biting him in the butt. He still hasn't gotten over that.

523
00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:19.039
I mean, some of y'all had calm dogs the whole time,

524
00:30:19.079 --> 00:30:20.839
and that's a different story. But some of y'all had

525
00:30:20.880 --> 00:30:23.920
real crazy ones, especially if you adopted one like I did. Adults,

526
00:30:24.079 --> 00:30:26.640
I understand because you have all the bad patterns and

527
00:30:26.680 --> 00:30:28.880
all the abuse and everything else that you gotta overcome,

528
00:30:28.920 --> 00:30:31.160
and you got to overcome all that, overcome all this,

529
00:30:31.279 --> 00:30:34.000
and overcome the eating issues and overcome the abuse issues,

530
00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:36.440
and eventually you get that dog that loves you and

531
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:39.400
you love them because they realize that you're there for

532
00:30:39.480 --> 00:30:43.119
the rest of their life. But this is hard because

533
00:30:43.119 --> 00:30:45.839
you've had so many uphill battles and so much stuff

534
00:30:45.880 --> 00:30:48.960
going through it. And I give you kudos. I give

535
00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:51.200
you a pat on the back, I give you your

536
00:30:51.240 --> 00:30:54.680
metal honor. I give you a metal honor for doing

537
00:30:54.680 --> 00:30:57.759
it because I know that you're probably not because you're

538
00:30:57.759 --> 00:30:59.720
over there coming up with something. I should have done this,

539
00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:01.720
done that. I should have been there, I should have

540
00:31:01.759 --> 00:31:03.640
done this. I should have canceled that. I mean, I

541
00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:04.960
felt bad. I had a friend of mine that I

542
00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:07.079
was having a birthday on Thursday night and I really

543
00:31:07.079 --> 00:31:09.000
wanted to go, and she's a very good friend of mine,

544
00:31:09.039 --> 00:31:10.599
and I said, I'm sorry, I can't, and I know

545
00:31:10.680 --> 00:31:12.720
she was hurt by that, but I didn't want to

546
00:31:12.759 --> 00:31:15.279
tell her at the time this might be my last night,

547
00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:22.079
and it was. And I'm so glad I stayed home,

548
00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:25.440
and I'm so glad I wouldn't have gone anyway, but

549
00:31:25.480 --> 00:31:29.240
I I I'm glad that I didn't take it for granted.

550
00:31:30.519 --> 00:31:32.440
I'm glad that I did not take that for granted.

551
00:31:32.480 --> 00:31:34.720
I'm glad that I didn't think, Oh no, no, it's fine.

552
00:31:35.039 --> 00:31:36.759
You know, I know him, You know I didn't you

553
00:31:36.799 --> 00:31:40.359
realize he was He was, he was in pain, but

554
00:31:40.519 --> 00:31:42.880
he wanted to stay so bad that he hit it.

555
00:31:42.920 --> 00:31:45.119
He wanted to stay so bad that he overcome. You know.

556
00:31:45.480 --> 00:31:48.599
He just like, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna push

557
00:31:48.599 --> 00:31:50.480
through it, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this.

558
00:31:50.559 --> 00:31:52.240
I can do this, mom. And I didn't know that

559
00:31:53.599 --> 00:31:55.559
because he didn't want to show me, because he also

560
00:31:55.680 --> 00:32:00.640
wanted to be here. And so I hope all y'all

561
00:32:00.680 --> 00:32:03.240
can connect and give. If you currently have a dog

562
00:32:03.319 --> 00:32:05.359
or cat, he's your best friend, give him a hug,

563
00:32:05.400 --> 00:32:08.000
give him a kiss, if they can take a walk,

564
00:32:08.119 --> 00:32:09.720
or you want to get in the car take a drive.

565
00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:12.640
If you've just lost one, or lost one recently or

566
00:32:12.640 --> 00:32:17.440
in the last year, give yourself some grace and if

567
00:32:17.440 --> 00:32:21.720
you're still teetering and wondering what should I do? Did

568
00:32:21.799 --> 00:32:26.559
you love the last time? Before the end part? Was

569
00:32:26.599 --> 00:32:29.359
everything else pretty good? I mean some of it might

570
00:32:29.359 --> 00:32:33.400
have been crazy, but was it worth it? I Mean,

571
00:32:33.440 --> 00:32:37.440
it's like a kid, right, Sometimes there's growing pains and

572
00:32:37.480 --> 00:32:41.000
sometimes you have the Terrible twos, but it's a good time.

573
00:32:43.400 --> 00:32:45.319
If you haven't checked out the website, check out the

574
00:32:45.319 --> 00:32:48.279
website Ashleyburgers dot com. You can actually set up coaching

575
00:32:48.319 --> 00:32:53.359
and therapy sessions right online on the coaching section. Hi advice,

576
00:32:53.519 --> 00:32:56.720
Just if you're coming home and dealing with this, give

577
00:32:56.759 --> 00:33:00.960
yourself some grace, take lots of walks. State as clear

578
00:33:01.000 --> 00:33:03.640
headed as you possibly can. When you think about having

579
00:33:03.680 --> 00:33:08.119
a drink, have a water, have a juice. Don't overreat,

580
00:33:08.240 --> 00:33:11.799
like just be have clarity. Try not to you know,

581
00:33:12.359 --> 00:33:16.119
eat yourself into feeling calm, because that's not gonna help

582
00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:17.799
you either, because it's not gonna work. We got to

583
00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:20.200
deal with what's in there. We got to deal with

584
00:33:20.240 --> 00:33:22.279
the sadness and the pain and the frustration. We got

585
00:33:22.279 --> 00:33:25.640
to deal with it so that it'll slowly dissipate and

586
00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:28.519
we can go through the processing of grief. So we

587
00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:31.759
can come out the other side. I have a part

588
00:33:31.799 --> 00:33:35.079
three here very soon. I got to get there, right.

589
00:33:35.240 --> 00:33:38.079
I mean, yes, I've done this before, but I but

590
00:33:38.200 --> 00:33:41.599
these two times are very different. And I feel like

591
00:33:42.119 --> 00:33:44.799
when we're going through it and it's right there, it's

592
00:33:44.839 --> 00:33:47.720
time to share, not time to just suck it in

593
00:33:47.799 --> 00:33:50.119
and hide it. It's time to put it out there

594
00:33:51.240 --> 00:33:53.680
to help you, to help other people. Now, you might

595
00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:55.359
know someone right now that's going through it and you

596
00:33:55.440 --> 00:33:57.880
don't know what to tell them because you don't know

597
00:33:57.920 --> 00:34:00.799
what to tell them because you haven't gone through it,

598
00:34:00.920 --> 00:34:03.480
or they're not Your dog is not like your kids

599
00:34:03.559 --> 00:34:06.079
so it's a different story, or you don't have a

600
00:34:06.119 --> 00:34:09.440
dog and you don't know what to say. Send them

601
00:34:09.480 --> 00:34:12.599
the first podcast episode of this, Send them this one

602
00:34:12.679 --> 00:34:15.360
right here and all the other episodes, and say, hey,

603
00:34:15.480 --> 00:34:17.280
I might not know exactly what to say, and I

604
00:34:17.320 --> 00:34:19.599
don't know maybe exactly what you need to hear, but

605
00:34:19.719 --> 00:34:23.679
you need to hear this because this will help you

606
00:34:25.360 --> 00:34:27.840
because she's gone through it and she knows what it's about,

607
00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:30.840
and she knows there's pain and suffering, but she knows

608
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:33.000
you have to give yourself grace and you're allowed to

609
00:34:33.079 --> 00:34:37.239
cry and you're allowed to show your emotions and she

610
00:34:37.320 --> 00:34:39.199
got to take care of yourself. You gotta remember, even

611
00:34:39.239 --> 00:34:41.480
though I'm not hungry or don't want to eat, you

612
00:34:41.519 --> 00:34:44.159
gotta eat a little bit of food, you know, think

613
00:34:44.199 --> 00:34:46.559
about those things. If you're eating too much, you gotta

614
00:34:46.599 --> 00:34:48.199
step back and go why am I trying to fill

615
00:34:48.239 --> 00:34:51.239
that void of food? These things go other ways, right,

616
00:34:51.639 --> 00:34:53.159
Just say hey, I want to work on this. I

617
00:34:53.199 --> 00:34:56.400
want to process this because this relationship was so important

618
00:34:56.440 --> 00:34:58.280
to me. I want to be able to open myself

619
00:34:58.360 --> 00:34:59.760
up to that in the future. And I want to

620
00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:01.760
be a to see the value. And I don't want

621
00:35:01.800 --> 00:35:03.199
to take this as a negative. I want to be

622
00:35:03.239 --> 00:35:09.679
in a positive form of this because it matters. Because

623
00:35:09.719 --> 00:35:14.360
these relationships, it's like it's God's energy. It's not some

624
00:35:14.519 --> 00:35:18.320
random energy, even though they might never bark it to

625
00:35:18.440 --> 00:35:23.519
big presence. Right, what does presence mean? Very interesting words

626
00:35:23.519 --> 00:35:27.119
we use, right, So just be aware of when you're

627
00:35:27.159 --> 00:35:29.480
interacting and when you use to interact. See that, look

628
00:35:29.519 --> 00:35:31.280
back at some of those memories, look back at some

629
00:35:31.320 --> 00:35:34.400
things and realize and think about that energy. There's a

630
00:35:34.440 --> 00:35:36.679
reason why the energy is so important. You're like, there's

631
00:35:36.719 --> 00:35:40.440
a reason why you miss it because it's very real,

632
00:35:40.679 --> 00:35:44.800
because it's real conscious Christ's energy that is so important

633
00:35:44.800 --> 00:35:48.960
to have. That's what it is. It's Christ's conscious energy

634
00:35:48.960 --> 00:35:51.440
that you had in the room and a fur body

635
00:35:52.480 --> 00:35:54.440
that was there that you could feel that you knew

636
00:35:54.440 --> 00:35:59.800
it was there. I love you, I love your an,

637
00:36:00.280 --> 00:36:08.559
I love your child, your dog, best friend, companion, buddy.

638
00:36:09.159 --> 00:36:11.119
I know the buddy's looking at me right now, going, hey,

639
00:36:11.159 --> 00:36:14.599
that was pretty good. I miss him very much. It's

640
00:36:14.639 --> 00:36:17.719
been a little bit more than twenty four hours. We'll

641
00:36:17.719 --> 00:36:20.079
get through this together. If you want to send me

642
00:36:20.199 --> 00:36:22.639
any sort of message, you can always go to the

643
00:36:22.639 --> 00:36:26.159
website Ashleyburges dot com, click on that contact page and

644
00:36:26.199 --> 00:36:27.840
you can send me an email. Right then we can

645
00:36:27.880 --> 00:36:30.119
talk about it together. I can also be there to

646
00:36:30.119 --> 00:36:35.559
support you and tune into the next part three of

647
00:36:35.679 --> 00:36:39.159
this conversation that we're having here live on the Ashley

648
00:36:39.239 --> 00:36:49.719
Burgess podcast. Don't forget to live your true life.