Stress, Stress, and More Stress! Where is it all Coming From? [Ep.770]

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You're in a good place now.
You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back Live to Live Your True
Life Perspectives and I'm your host,

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Ashley Burgess. On today's show,
we're going to be talking about stress,

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stress, stress and more stress.
And I know that many of you are

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under an immense amount of stress lately, whether it's home, career, what's

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going on in our world, lifestyle
situations, relationships, whatever it is.

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We know we have an idea of
what stress is. And I think it's

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interesting how a lot of us just
say, Hey, I'm stressed or I'm

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overwhelmed, I can't handle this,
or too much, what have you?

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It doesn't matter. Is this the
way we use those words and we say

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it, Oh, I'm deal with
stress. So I have so much stress

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on me, I have so much
on my plate. And today, as

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we kind of open the door into
this discussion on stress, I want to

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ask you how do you define stress
when you think of stress? What does

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stress mean to you? And you
know, if you look obviously google it,

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you know stress can be defined as
a state of worry or mental tension

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caused by a difficult situation. It's
a natural human response that prompts us to

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address challenges and threats that are in
our life. And everybody expresses stress and

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experiences that has the feelings of having
stressed to some degree. And you know,

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stress is our body's reaction to challenge
or demand. Stress can be positive

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sometimes to avoid danger or to meet
a deadline. But when stress lasts for

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a really long time, it can
really harm our health and can come in

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different versions as far as you know, pain and situations like that. So

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whether it's back pain or headaches or
whatever that looks like it can come in

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the form of a physical ailment,
right, I know that some people,

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as we agree, it can come
in the form of disease as well,

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Like if you're under long term amounts
of stress over a long, long period

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of time, it could process into
a disease basically, right, you know,

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it can serve various other diseases.
You know. Also, you know,

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stress can keep your mind not working
as well as it did. It's

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not as sharp. It's hard to
remember the way things happen or the facts

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as far as a timeline. When
there's a lot of stress and there's a

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lot of stress, it's hard to
remember. Okay, this happened, and

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this happened, or that happened,
or that was a year and three months

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ago, or that happened on February
seventeenth or December twenty first, or whatever.

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You know, it's hard to remember
those types of things because everything's kind

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of falling together or falling apart together
to some degree. Also, if you're

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in a lot of st if there's
a relationship or a situation that's causing you

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a large, immense amount of stress, it can make you kind of forget

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some things as well. It can
be hard to remember those types of things.

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And so a lot of times when
people are under a lot of stress,

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they can be forgetful or miss things, or forget things or don't you

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know in those types of things,
and they might even say, man,

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I didn't really have a bad memory
before. What's happening? That can really

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cause problems, you know, besides
the physical situations, besides the emotional situations

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that come from stress. When we're
really stressed, we can become emotional.

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We can we can you know,
be overwhelmed with emotion, crying, upset.

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We can be detached, we can
begin to detach ourselves in situations we

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can I mean it's almost like we're
on the sidelines. We're not having any

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emotions. We become numb, so
we might even be having some numbing issues.

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The more that we have stress because
we're trying to numb our feelings or

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number our emotions or the stresses too
much, it's too much to deal with,

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it's too much to process. And
so, you know, we go

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through that. So but I want
to ask you, how do you define

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it? Because to me, there's
certain things that might bring me stress,

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but it might not be bad stress. And I know that that sounds funny,

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but I think that there's good stress
and bad stress. I think there's

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some stress that's like, hey,
I'm feeling a little I'm feeling a little

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pushed, you know, I feel
a little jacked up over something I gotta

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take care of. But I'm gonna
take care of it them get it done.

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You know, I'm gonna feel good
about it. It's good. It's

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in the end, it's gonna bring
me happiness or relief or what have you,

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or even joy, you know.
Heck. But then there's some stress

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that I don't think is really good
stress. It's that stress that is over

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and over and over again, that
stress that keeps happening, that stress that

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keeps happening over and over again no
matter what you do, and that kind

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of stresses. The stress that just
is really really bad. It's it's the

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really unhealthy stress, that stuff that
doesn't seem to go away, it doesn't

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seem to ever get better. It's
like, no matter what you're doing,

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it's not getting better. And that's
something we want to look at today.

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We want to look at how we
do find stress the things that are happening

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in our life. Is this stressful? Is it not stressful? Is it

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a good stress? Is it a
bad stress? Is it a healthy stress?

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Is it an unhealthy stress? Is
it something I can process now and

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get through it? Is it something
that's going to take time to get through

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it? Is it something that I
have to deal with, work on whatever?

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And So I want us to think
about the words we're using, because

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one of the things that we talk
about is Okay, stress, right,

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I got stress, We all got
stress. Right. Everybody's dealing with stress.

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And if you're not dealing with stress, okay, maybe you're not maybe

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not dealing with any stress, and
that's great, good for you. But

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for most of those people here on
the planet, you know, having to

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work and you know, have a
job and hold down a family. You

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know, have a career, have
these responsibilities, live our life, deal

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with health issues and all that kinds
of most of us have stress. Okay,

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so you know what does that stress
look like? And I know that

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sometimes we use the word challenging,
at least that's my word, right.

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Everybody kind of jokes around about how
Ashley's word is challenging. It's challenging.

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Yes, that is a word that
I've coined, you know, really,

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honestly, it's challenging, having a
challenging day, challenging stuff, challenging,

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uppill battle, challenge, challenge,
challenge. Some of you talk about putting

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out fires. Now, I'm not
really putting out fires. I mean I

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could, I could be a fire
person, fire person, right, fire

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person, But I don't really use
that terminology that much. I have a

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couple of times, but I usually
don't do that. You know, some

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of us say worry, I'm worried, I'm super worried. I'm super worried,

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I'm super stressed out, super worried. And a lot of times when

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we're worried, we are worried.
There's a lot of worry. There,

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there's some worry, there's some fear. I think fear causes stress too.

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What will happen if this happens,
what happens if that happens? What do

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we do? How do we get
through this? How do we move forward?

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And that fear factor, which is
based on that worry, those things

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are so so interesting and that's the
most painful. Stress is based on fear

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and worry. You know, I
know that some of y'all are going through

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it right now. Maybe you're going
through divorce and having a lot of fear,

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a lot of worry. Maybe some
of y'all going through some child custody

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issues, a lot of fear,
a lot of worry. You know,

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maybe you're getting a lot of backass. You're dealing with, you know,

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a family member that's having some challenges
that you feel like you're pulled into it.

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Maybe you're being pulled in lots of
people's different drama and you're trying to

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help and you're trying to do your
best. But there's a lot of stress,

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there's a lot of fear, there's
a lot of worry. You know,

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maybe you're fearful and stressed out about
what the future holds. Maybe you're

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stressed out about how your life is
looking, Maybe you're stressed out about what's

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happening in your life. Maybe you're
stressed out about what's not happening in your

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life. You know, maybe the
financial stress and that pressure is really,

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you know, really pressuring to you
and putting a lot of pressure on you,

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and you feel like you're kind of
holding everything up, and that could

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be really challenging. It can be
really overwhelming, really stressful, and you

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know, it's real, and so
we have to really analyze that. And

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so, you know, one of
the biggest things that I think is good

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is to analyze where is my stress
coming from? You know, like what

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kind of stress am I having?
Are there people in my life that are

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creating havoc for me? They're creating
stress, fear, anger, worry,

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depression, sadness, I mean,
you know whatever I mean. Do you

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have that situation going on in your
life with somebody that's close enough to you

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that it impacts you on a daily
basis, And some of you do,

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whether it's a significant other, a
wife, a husband, a girlfriend,

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boyfriend, that it's a constant,
constant battle day after day after day and

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that's hard. You know. Maybe
it's a mother or father, or sister

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or brother that you have to deal
with constantly, and that can be challenging.

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Maybe it's a battle between you and
them. Maybe you're trying to safeguard

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them. Maybe they're in a battle
with drugs or alcohol. Maybe you're in

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a battle with drugs and alcohol,
whatever that is, and it's like you're

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trying to help yourself, you're trying
to help them, or you're trying to

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be the moderator, you know,
whatever that looks like. Or it's just

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constant anger and there's constant argument,
and you're constantly finding yourself in an argument.

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You're constantly finding yourself defending yourself.
You're trying to defend yourself in a

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situation, and it seems like you
keep coming up short. You know,

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it could be that you're trying to
deal with the drama of the family.

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You have a family dynamic, and
maybe your brother doesn't get along with your

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sister. Maybe this part of the
family doesn't talk to that part of the

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family. You know, all these
things happen a lot. A lot of

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times we see families falling apart because
something happened five years ago and there's a

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big feud and you can't talk to
them and they can't talk to you and

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all that stuff, and you get
wrapped up all in this drama. You

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know, it hasn't been a successful
holiday, you know, for fourteen years

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because of the situation. You know, some of us are stressed out because

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of our work. Our work stresses
up. Maybe we don't make enough money,

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Maybe we've worked too hard for the
little that we have. Maybe we

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aren't really happy with what we're doing. Maybe our job itself is really super

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stressful. And that's hard because work
can be very stressful. Work is sometimes

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some of you process it quite well, some of you don't process it at

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all. Some of you don't even
know you're really a stressed but it comes

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out every other thing in your life. You know, when we get stressed

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in relationships and we have these challenges, it usually comes out in every area

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of our life. We usually deal
with it on a constant basis. We're

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constantly dealing with it. You know, Is it your children that are causing

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stress? The family dynamic is that
the children. There's just so much going

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on with the children. There's so
many problems, there's so many issues,

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there's so much stuff going on.
You know, you're having to deal with

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that child having a problem, or
this child having a problem or that,

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or that child having to go into
therapy, or this child having to deal

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with this, or or maybe somebody
sick or somebody's not well or what have

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you, and you're having to deal
with that. Maybe you're trying to get

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custody of your kids and you're going
through that process and you're dealing with that

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and it's becoming overwhelming and stressful.
Maybe your children are having like you know,

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mental or emotional situations that you're dealing
with. You know, maybe you

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have multiple children with multiple situations that
multiple things going on all one time.

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This can be a problem as well. And these are interesting things. I

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mean, maybe it's people in your
life. Maybe it's your boss, you

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know, maybe it's relatives, maybe
it's neighbors. I mean, we can

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also have issues with these folks too, you know what I'm saying. We

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can have issues with these folks too, and that can be a problem as

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well. I mean, so that's
an interesting thing, you know, But

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I also want us to look at
the other plid. So when we come

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back, we'll be talking a lot
more about some other sides and some other

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factors, some other factors that can
lead or bring us stress. And I

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want you to start analyzing what's bringing
stress in your life? What are you

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dealing with in your life? What
is causing this in your life? And

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you know, what's the length of
time the length of time that the stress

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has been there? What is the
length of time that the stress has been

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there? What is the length of
time that you've been dealing with this for

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so long? What's that length of
time? What does that mean? Where

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do we go from there? What
do we do? How do we process

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this? And this is going to
be an interesting dynamic to look at because

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we can really understand where our stress
is coming from, where our stress is,

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where is our stress being you know, where are we getting the most

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stress in our life? Where are
we dealing with the most stress? Is

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it coming from a particular person,
Is it coming from a particular situation?

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What is the role I'm playing in
that situation? And is there something I

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can do to augment that? Is
there something I can do to change that?

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Is there something I can do to
literally make this better? And this

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is what we're going to be talking
about in today's podcast to really understand where

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we're at, because stress really creates
havoc in our life. Stress is challenging,

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Stress can be painful, and if
we're not processing it correctly, we're

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not dealing with it correctly. It
can bring a lot of havoc into our

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life. It can bring us a
lot of challenges, a lot of stress,

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a lot of anxiety, a lot
of fear, and we can just

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feel very worried and overwhelmed at the
direction where our life is going. And

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so I'm not going to give you
any more stress in this show. I'm

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going to try to leave some stress
in your life, and we're going to

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process that today and really think about
how we can do that successfully so that

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you can feel better about your life, so you can feel better about some

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of the stress in your life,
and so that we can put an end

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to some of this stress that we
really don't need, and also be able

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to identify the stuff that's really not
that stressful, but also be able to

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identify the stuff that really is stressful
and the stuff that's really causing us stress

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in our life. So stay tuned. I got a lot for you on

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this show, a lot for you
in this podcast. It's going to be

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helpful and it's worth it. So
stay here and if you're working out or

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you're driving, let's do it.
Libertry life Perspectives with your host me,

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Ashley Burgers. Will be back in. I'll be back this time. You

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know it. I'll be back this
time in two shakes. Turn it up

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and jump in the deep end on
Perspectives. Now here's Ashley. Welcome back

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live to look at true life perspectives
and I'm your host, Ashley Burgess.

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On today's show, we're talking about
stress, stress and more stress and where

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is your stress coming from? Where
is it coming from? Where is the

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most of your stress coming from?
And I think that that's something that we

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can all ask that question. It's
something that is very important to try and

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figure out because we'd like to manage
it, we'd like to take control of

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it. We'd like to understand it
and see it and process it. And

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right before the breakout was talking about
the people in our lives, the relationships

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that we have, our work,
our career and where we are with that

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and the stress that that's providing in
our life. And think about that,

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is there certain people in your life
that are creating more stress than others.

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Do you feel like there's some people
that seem to be stressing you out more

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than anybody else. Do you feel
like there are certain situations in your life

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that are stressing you out more than
others. What are those situations and who

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were involved? What about your work? Is your job stressing you out?

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Do you feel like your job is
overwhelming? Do you feel like there's so

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much going on that there's just so
much to process, so much to deal

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with, and so much to go
over. And that can be really challenging

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too, because when that's going on
too, we can be really challenged with

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that and that can take us.
You know, if we're having stress in

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one area of our life, it's
hard to compartmentalize it. It's hard to

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look at all the other areas in
our life. It's very important to see

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it, work with it, and
try to understand it. But there's also

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some flip flops on that stress,
and we're going to talk about that.

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But before your kids, your family, the dynamic, the responsibilities, all

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these things can provide stress. And
start writing this down, start journaling on

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some of this to start analyzing where
is my stress coming from? Where's the

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majority of my stress coming from is
the stress that I'm dealing with on a

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constant basis. Is this just stress
to make me get something done? Or

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is it different stress. Is it
a stress of you know, like the

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fire under your butt, or is
it more of a stress of something nagging,

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something pressing, something that you need
to deal with that you haven't or

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something you are dealing with but there
hasn't been a solution. One of the

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biggest stressors we have is things that
there hasn't been a solution, or the

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solution is not the easy road,
or it's a painful road, or the

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solution really isn't in view. The
solution isn't in view. It's it's kind

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of there, but it's not there. It's it's it's elusive. And that

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can be challenging too. And when
we in a bit, we're gonna be

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talking about the flip flops. So
a lot of times, you know,

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we think about the people involve you
know, the relationships, that type of

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stuff. We think about the family, the responsibility as of kids, but

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there's other things the flip flops that
I was talking about, you know,

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the the actions and choices we take
in life that can cause stress, the

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non action, the non choices we
make, the lifestyles that we choose,

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the regrets that we have, and
those are some interesting aspects that we'll have

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to look at on today's show,
because these are some things that really affect

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us, all right, These are
the things that really affect us all So

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it's not maybe just a direct subject
person like boom boom, that person brings

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me stress or boom boom, this
situation brings me stress or whatever. It

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can be. The things that we're
doing, the things we're not doing,

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the things that we don't know how
to handle or deal with their process,

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all of those things. And so
we're gonna be really dealing with this.

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We're gonna really dive deep in this
here in just a bit and really think

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about this so we can really analyze
it. Because there's some things that we

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could probably be doing, there are
some things that we probably can't be doing.

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There's some things that we'd like to
be doing. There's some things that

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we can't do, there's some things
we can't do, and there's some small

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baby steps we could probably take two
to get closer to our goals, to

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get closer to where we want to
go to be happier in the situation.

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So really thinking about that and so
start analyzing some of the stresses that you

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have. Is it a project that's
looming over your head that needs to get

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done? What can you do?
What are the steps you can take?

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You know, like relationships are a
little different. It's not just like a

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oh bam, I got this or
I pick this up, or I'm gonna

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be able to put this wall with
this door up. It's a lot more.

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So we're gonna be talking more about
these intricate things that we need to

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try to find some ability to try
to process and change and make things better

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for ourselves, eliminating the stress level
by a little bit, but also getting

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it where we can deal with it, we can manage it, we can

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understand it, but we also realize
that we actually are doing something to change

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that situation for the better. So
stay tuned. We got a lot more

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coming up. We got a lot
to talk about. Liver your true life

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perspectives with me, your host,
Ashley Burgers, will be back in you

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know, I'll be back this time
in two shakes. This is Jake Busey

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and you're listening to Perspectives with Ashley
Burgess. Welcome back live to live your

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true life perspectives. And I'm your
host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show,

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I'm talking about stress. How do
we deal with stress, how we

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define stress? Where's our stress coming
from? And you know, right before

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the break, we've been talking about
various stressors people, family, family,

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children, responsibilities, career relationships,
personal professional, love, relationships, husband,

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wife, all this stuff that can
create stress in our life, the

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children, even our regrets. But
let's deep dive into this because our regrets

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kind of segue in to the other
side of the coin, right, the

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other side of the coin, you
know, And when you think about that,

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that's very interesting because there are things
that are not just direct correlations charge

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us and not like, oh,
this person causes me stress, or this

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situation causes me stress, or this
project that's looming over my head is causing

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me stress or whatever it is.
It's like, yeah, I get it.

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But there's other things that are a
lot more deeper, a lot more

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well, things that take a lot
more thought, a lot more depth.

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You know, what are the actions
and choices that maybe you've chosen or acted

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on that hasn't been in the best
for you, that has created havoc in

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your life? What are some of
those What are the things that you what

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are those things? What are some
actions and choices that maybe you haven't taken.

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Maybe there's some non action in your
life, some things that you haven't

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acted on. Now I understand there's
some things that we need to act on

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and some things we don't. There's
some things that's not the right time too.

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There's some things that you have to
really process and weigh and measure and

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decide, and you need to have
all the evidence and information going into that

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to make sure that you make the
right choice. All these things are super

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super important. All of these things
go a long way. So what are

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some of the things that we don't
we haven't chosen? What are some of

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the things we haven't acted on?
And those are the things I want you

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to think about, because that can
be even tougher because you feel like you're

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in a state of non action,
you feel like you're not doing something,

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You feel like you haven't you know, stepped up to the plate to take

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care of this, to make this
work, to find this, to find

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the new approach, to do what
you need to do. And then sometimes

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we could have taken an action or
a choice that maybe we're not happy with.

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So on the flip flop, some
of you that are sitting in there

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and saying, well, I wish
I would have acted or done this.

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You know that some of you have
acted and done things and you wish you

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had not. And so then what
do you do? Then? If you've

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already taken an action or choice,
you've already gone a certain way, what

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do you do to make changes to
that action or choice? How do you

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change that? How do you remap
that, how do you work through that?

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How do you get back to some
sort of stabilized situation that works for

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you? And those are some really
major questions to ask. Those are some

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things to really think about. What
about lifestyle. You know, our lifestyle

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choice is the way we choose to
live our life. And there's no judgment

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here on this show. It's just
about lifestyle. And lifestyle is a very

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interesting thing. And sometimes there's certain
lifestyles that are easier than other lifestyles,

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and so we have to understand,
like some of the choices we're making,

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it might be really super tough,
it might be hard, it might be

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challenging, and those are interesting things. So I mean thinking about that,

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So, you know, some of
us feel like, oh my god,

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am I bringing this upon us?
Or has this been put on me?

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You know, you know challenging lives. You know, like if you're having

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to you know, work in a
different state or do different things, or

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having to work in a different country
or doing all these different things. It's

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like there's all you know, there's
a choice here, and it might be

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a really challenging choice or it was
a choice that you had to take,

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but then there's all these like,
you know, stressors that come from that

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choice. You know, definitely there
has to be some sort of benefits that

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come from it at some point.
But you know, some of you may

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be saying, hey, I'm in
a real stressful situation where I really don't

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see a lot of the benefits.
I haven't seen a lot of the benefits

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in a long time. And that's
probably one of those red flags that you

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might want to think about, is
that, you know, if we're not

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seeing any benefits from the things that
we're doing, if you're not seeing any

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benefits from the things you're doing,
that's a red flag. At least some

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sort of benefits something is very important. And I'm not saying that we have

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to have benefits all the time.
God bless. I'm not saying that.

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I'm not trying to say that.
I'm not trying to even say that all.

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But I'm saying there's sometimes where you
look at things and it's just a

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downward spiral, constantly in a situation
in your life. And I know that

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that's hard to see sometimes, you
know, whether it's a choice that we

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made about a person, maybe it's
a choice that we made about a career

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or a direction in our career.
Maybe it's a choice we made about even

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something as crazy as or small as
a piece of property that has caused you

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nothing but heartache and headache and pain. You know. I mean a lot

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of us are dealing with the relationships
that you're in and you're thinking, my

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god, you know, the relationship
started differently, it's become super toxic.

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Now what do I do? How
do I deal with this? It wasn't

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like this in the beginning, And
now I'm like trying to pull myself together

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and find my identity and figure out
who I am and not lose myself in

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the process. That's a very painful, stressful place to be because you're dealing

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with it day in and day out
and living with it, right, you're

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living with it, and so that's
an interesting thing. So you're living with

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that, you're dealing with that.
It could be something as small as property.

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It could be something as small as
property, but that could be big

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too, Like you could have gotten
a piece of property and you're living there

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and it floods all the time,
it's on a flood plain. You didn't

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know or the neighbors, or the
neighbors are challenging, and there's always frustration

380
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or anger or something going on with
the neighbors. You know, maybe they're

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completely out of control. Maybe they're
shooting guns off in the air all night.

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You know, maybe there maybe you
moved into an apartment where the neighbors

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constantly fighting with their spouse and yelling
and screaming and it's causing you stress and

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you're not able and they start screaming
at at one o'clock in the morning and

385
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you're not able to sleep. You
know. There's like things that you know,

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we don't really think about it sometimes
when it's not happening to us,

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right, But some of the biggest
things that can be challenging for people,

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or these things that maybe you haven't
even dealt with. You know, maybe

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the stress is coming from the fact
that your parent is getting older and maybe

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their their memory is not getting is
not good and their memory is is kind

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of leaving, and it's really stressful
for you, and you're trying to help,

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and they don't want the help.
They don't want your help, and

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they keep telling you they don't need
your help, they don't want your help,

394
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they don't want your input, they
don't want your stuff, they don't

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want to hear about it. That
can be challenging if you're a caregiver and

396
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you're giving help to an older parent, to a spouse that's ill, or

397
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a child. I mean that can
be challenging too, because it can it

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could be very stressful and challenging,
right, I mean, it makes sense,

399
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right, And these are the things
that we have to kind of process

400
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and think about. These are the
things that we have to understand and recognize

401
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and see it for what it is
and not that we can just throw it

402
00:26:22.200 --> 00:26:22.920
out and say, oh, I'm
not ever gonna do that, or I'm

403
00:26:22.960 --> 00:26:26.039
not gonna take care of my mom, I'm not gonna take care of my

404
00:26:26.119 --> 00:26:27.480
dad, I'm not gonna take care
of my spouse. I'm not gonna take

405
00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:30.799
care of my child with down syndrome. I'm not gonna whatever it is.

406
00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:33.920
It's like that's a lot, right, So we have to figure out what

407
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stressors we kind of like have to
deal with, you know. So you

408
00:26:37.559 --> 00:26:41.599
know, like so that's a big
question, and that's something to really think

409
00:26:41.640 --> 00:26:48.039
about. You know, what are
the you know what stress? Right?

410
00:26:48.880 --> 00:26:55.440
You know what stress? You know
do you have to deal with? I

411
00:26:55.480 --> 00:26:57.200
mean, because the stress you have
to deal with just has to kind of

412
00:26:57.240 --> 00:27:00.119
be there. There's nothing you can
do about it. It's not like you

413
00:27:00.119 --> 00:27:03.200
can just take that away, you
know what I'm saying. It's not like

414
00:27:03.240 --> 00:27:04.759
you can just forfeit that and be
like, eh, I'm done, don't

415
00:27:04.839 --> 00:27:07.200
need it, don't want it,
not gonna have it, not gonna deal

416
00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:10.480
with it. No, it's part
of your life. It's kind of you

417
00:27:10.559 --> 00:27:15.440
might not assigned up for it directly, but it's part of your life.

418
00:27:18.839 --> 00:27:21.839
Then there's you know, and that
would be you know a lot of that

419
00:27:21.920 --> 00:27:22.920
you know, and you can definitely
get help. It's not like you have

420
00:27:23.000 --> 00:27:26.920
to be the one and done.
Like it's if you are having a caretake

421
00:27:26.920 --> 00:27:29.119
for somebody, you know, if
you can get help, hire help,

422
00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:30.960
have some help, get a family
or friend, whatever, I get it

423
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:36.599
understand. So it's not like you
have to take it on, you know,

424
00:27:36.759 --> 00:27:40.000
solo. This doesn't have to be
your solo role. You know,

425
00:27:40.440 --> 00:27:45.920
in this lifetime you're allowed to do
other things. But then we have stress

426
00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:55.279
that we can actually augment by action
that we can take to better our lives.

427
00:27:56.359 --> 00:27:59.039
What are some of those actions that
we can take to better our lives?

428
00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:02.720
What are some of the actions that
we can take to better our lives

429
00:28:02.759 --> 00:28:06.599
right now? And that's something I
want you to think about too, is

430
00:28:06.599 --> 00:28:08.599
like, those are some actions that
we can take, Those are some things

431
00:28:08.599 --> 00:28:11.759
we can do. What are those
actions? Let's look at those actions.

432
00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:17.839
What are some things that is happening. What are some things that we can

433
00:28:17.960 --> 00:28:22.160
that we can look at. What
are some actions that we can take that

434
00:28:22.200 --> 00:28:25.559
we can actually do right now?
What are some things that we can do

435
00:28:25.680 --> 00:28:29.319
right now to make changes in our
life to av set that you know,

436
00:28:29.400 --> 00:28:30.519
what can we do? What can
we say? Well? Can we what

437
00:28:30.559 --> 00:28:33.880
are the actions we can take?
What are what are the precautions we can

438
00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:37.559
take? What are the things that
we can understand? What are the things

439
00:28:37.599 --> 00:28:40.799
that we can process? What are
those things that we can take action on

440
00:28:41.519 --> 00:28:47.240
because action is so important. Without
action, what do we have. We

441
00:28:47.279 --> 00:28:51.240
don't have anything. Without action,
We have no way of moving forward,

442
00:28:51.279 --> 00:28:53.960
no way of preparing, preparing ourselves
nowhere, or moving forward and moving out

443
00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:59.000
of that stress. And that is
so important is to figure out how to

444
00:28:59.240 --> 00:29:03.480
ultimately move out of that stress and
move in a different direction in our life.

445
00:29:04.200 --> 00:29:08.759
And when we understand where the stress
is coming from and we understand the

446
00:29:08.799 --> 00:29:14.880
actions that we need to take,
this can be really eye opening. It

447
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:18.039
can be extremely eye opening. And
you know, sometimes though, the stress

448
00:29:19.720 --> 00:29:25.599
is more in the action right,
because we actually have to do something,

449
00:29:26.279 --> 00:29:33.559
and that in and of itself can
be challenging. It can be worriesome.

450
00:29:34.039 --> 00:29:37.799
You can start questioning yourself, Am
I doing the right thing? Is this

451
00:29:37.920 --> 00:29:41.240
the right direction? Is this what
I want to do? Is this helpful

452
00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:44.400
to me? Is this what I
want to do? Is this what I

453
00:29:44.480 --> 00:29:48.039
want in my life? And then
you have to start asking the big questions

454
00:29:48.039 --> 00:29:48.880
like what is this going to do
if I do this? Or what will

455
00:29:48.880 --> 00:29:52.000
it do if I do that?
Or how will my life change? Or

456
00:29:52.039 --> 00:29:53.279
will my life change or will my
life change in a good way or a

457
00:29:53.279 --> 00:29:56.960
bad way or a different way,
and we have to look at that.

458
00:29:57.480 --> 00:30:03.680
We also have to understand what else
is involved in our choices and actions,

459
00:30:04.240 --> 00:30:07.880
and we also have to ask ourselves
what is ours like, what is our

460
00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:11.680
responsibility to deal with? What is
our responsibility to deal with? And that's

461
00:30:11.720 --> 00:30:15.359
another thing that I find very interesting
because a lot of us are taking on

462
00:30:15.400 --> 00:30:17.400
stress. We have a lot of
stress in our life, right, I

463
00:30:17.440 --> 00:30:21.519
get it. A lot of us
are taking on other people's stress, But

464
00:30:21.640 --> 00:30:23.519
I mean, like, where does
the rubber meet the road where you're taking

465
00:30:23.559 --> 00:30:30.039
on other people's stress? And I
get that. And some of that stress

466
00:30:30.039 --> 00:30:41.599
directly can directly correlates with your life, and some of it doesn't. So

467
00:30:41.720 --> 00:30:45.480
what do we do there? How
does that work? And that's a very

468
00:30:45.519 --> 00:30:49.799
interesting concept because there is some stress
that will directly connect with you. There's

469
00:30:49.799 --> 00:30:52.319
some stress that you will deal with, some things you have to deal with,

470
00:30:52.359 --> 00:30:56.680
some stuff you have to deal with. But there's some stuff and that's

471
00:30:56.839 --> 00:31:00.720
understandable. And let's say like we
have a significant other, my mother,

472
00:31:00.839 --> 00:31:07.119
father, you know, a brother, sister, a pet, an animal,

473
00:31:07.359 --> 00:31:11.960
a dog, cat bird, you
know, a good friend. You

474
00:31:11.960 --> 00:31:15.440
know their stress is going to impact
you at some point. But what role

475
00:31:15.519 --> 00:31:18.519
do you play, and then how
do you kind of look at that and

476
00:31:18.559 --> 00:31:21.920
not not not run away from it, not avoid it, but how do

477
00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:23.559
you process that and put that in
the right spot, Put that in the

478
00:31:23.599 --> 00:31:29.279
right place, deal with that in
the proper way. Because we're all going

479
00:31:29.359 --> 00:31:37.279
to have like ancillary adjacent stress.
You know that adjacent stress is tough,

480
00:31:40.480 --> 00:31:44.200
and I should probably, you know, have an entire podcast on this adjacent

481
00:31:44.240 --> 00:31:47.920
stress because it's adjacent to you.
It's right there, it's parallel, it's

482
00:31:47.960 --> 00:31:51.519
perpendicular to you. This is right
there, it's your stress too. But

483
00:31:51.599 --> 00:31:56.799
how much do you take on and
how involved do you get? I mean

484
00:31:56.839 --> 00:31:59.240
many of us have dealt with stuff
like that, you know, where you

485
00:31:59.319 --> 00:32:00.880
have a friend that it's you know, going through a big change in their

486
00:32:00.920 --> 00:32:04.079
life, or you have a friend
that's going through a health issue, or

487
00:32:04.119 --> 00:32:06.920
you have a friend that that's going
through a divorce, or you have a

488
00:32:06.920 --> 00:32:10.640
friend that's getting married and to somebody
you really might not totally agree with because

489
00:32:10.720 --> 00:32:15.599
you can tell what's gonna happen.
You know, you already saw the trade

490
00:32:15.640 --> 00:32:19.519
wreck and you're like, oh no, but there's not much you can do.

491
00:32:20.759 --> 00:32:22.680
And so how much do you take
on? How much do you deal

492
00:32:22.680 --> 00:32:23.799
with and how much do you kind
of just say, Okay, I got

493
00:32:23.799 --> 00:32:27.119
to leave it up as everybody says, let Jesus take the wheel. I

494
00:32:27.119 --> 00:32:28.960
got to leave this up to God. How much can you do with that?

495
00:32:29.000 --> 00:32:30.440
And how much can you say,
I got to leave this up to

496
00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:32.200
them to take care of it.
You got to leave to them. It's

497
00:32:32.200 --> 00:32:36.759
hard, It's hard. And that's
like, that's a codependent issue right there.

498
00:32:36.799 --> 00:32:42.039
That it's it's that codependency and that
EmPATH and that empathy and all that

499
00:32:42.039 --> 00:32:45.440
stuff we've been trained to do,
all that stuff we've gone through. And

500
00:32:45.519 --> 00:32:49.240
I find it interesting too because the
codependency, you know, a lot is

501
00:32:49.279 --> 00:32:52.079
the learned response. It's the way
that we had to deal with, you

502
00:32:52.119 --> 00:32:54.599
know, the family dynamic in order
to make sure everybody was okay and fine,

503
00:32:54.640 --> 00:32:57.720
because that's what we learned. That's
how we learned it, that's what

504
00:32:57.759 --> 00:33:01.720
we dealt with. That's what we
dealt with in life. And you know,

505
00:33:01.759 --> 00:33:04.920
it's to think about that, is
to analyze that. How do we

506
00:33:04.920 --> 00:33:07.359
analyze how we do with that?
That's something we got to think about and

507
00:33:07.400 --> 00:33:12.680
these are the things that we have
to process in our life. But it's

508
00:33:12.680 --> 00:33:15.160
interesting, So how do you process
the adjacent stress? How do you deal

509
00:33:15.160 --> 00:33:21.000
with it? What is our responsibility? What is someone else's responsibility? These

510
00:33:21.079 --> 00:33:25.279
are big questions, These are huge
questions in our life. What is their

511
00:33:25.359 --> 00:33:30.960
responsibility? What is our responsibility?
Big, big, big questions. And

512
00:33:31.000 --> 00:33:34.680
then how much of that do you
need to work on? And how much

513
00:33:34.720 --> 00:33:37.960
of that do they need to work
on? And all this stuff to make

514
00:33:37.000 --> 00:33:39.240
life work? And that, you
know, that's kind of where the road

515
00:33:39.319 --> 00:33:43.440
meets the road. And then how
do you deal with the adjacent stress and

516
00:33:43.480 --> 00:33:51.000
then your personal stress? Right,
and all the responsibilities that go along with

517
00:33:51.039 --> 00:33:52.079
it. But I do think we
need to think about it. We need

518
00:33:52.119 --> 00:33:55.240
to go back to the beginning of
the conversation today. Let's go a full

519
00:33:55.359 --> 00:34:02.000
circle on what is stress? And
so when we come back, we're gonna

520
00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:05.799
talk about what really is stress?
What are the components of things that really

521
00:34:05.839 --> 00:34:10.280
aren't that stressful are actually kind of
more positive than negative? Right? What's

522
00:34:10.320 --> 00:34:15.679
more positive than negative? And then
what, you know, what really adds

523
00:34:15.719 --> 00:34:17.760
to our life? You know,
I mean, these are things that not

524
00:34:17.880 --> 00:34:22.400
maybe we maybe we stop calling it
stress, you know, maybe we stop

525
00:34:22.480 --> 00:34:27.639
calling it stress and we call it
something else, and that might help us

526
00:34:27.679 --> 00:34:30.440
too. To deal with the stress
that we do have, because we don't

527
00:34:30.440 --> 00:34:32.079
need to call everything stress if it's
not really stressed, and maybe we'll start

528
00:34:32.079 --> 00:34:36.039
feeling better about things. You know, people used to say, oh,

529
00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:37.440
we want you to buy that car, what's not or we want you to

530
00:34:37.480 --> 00:34:40.639
buy this product. Now it's an
opportunity, right, it's really funny.

531
00:34:40.679 --> 00:34:45.039
Right, that's hilarious. Let me
get you into this opportunity. So stay

532
00:34:45.039 --> 00:34:46.840
tuned. We got more more opportunities
for you here in just a bit,

533
00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:51.400
so stay tuned. We'll talk about
that. We'll go full circle here Libertrue

534
00:34:51.440 --> 00:34:54.159
Life with me your host Asthley Birders, will back in, will be back

535
00:34:54.239 --> 00:35:09.079
this time, back, this time
in two shapes. Get in here.

536
00:35:10.079 --> 00:35:16.519
You're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess. Welcome back live to deliver true life

537
00:35:16.519 --> 00:35:20.760
perspectives and I'm your host, Ashley
Burgess. On today's show, we've been

538
00:35:20.760 --> 00:35:24.840
talking about stress and basically deconstructing stress. What is stress? What does it

539
00:35:24.880 --> 00:35:28.320
look like? And I want to
go full circle because at the beginning I

540
00:35:28.360 --> 00:35:30.199
was talking about stress. How do
we define it? You know, how

541
00:35:30.199 --> 00:35:34.079
do we define it? And I
think that sometimes we throw a lot of

542
00:35:34.119 --> 00:35:37.960
things in the mix. And we
say it's stress. Like we throw all

543
00:35:37.000 --> 00:35:40.880
these responsibilities and all these things and
all these changes and all this stuff and

544
00:35:42.440 --> 00:35:45.320
all these things that make us have
to do stuff or make us have to

545
00:35:45.320 --> 00:35:50.039
take action, and we say it's
stressed. Now, some things are just

546
00:35:50.519 --> 00:35:55.360
totally inherently stressful. But some things
it's not really totally inherently stressful. Some

547
00:35:55.400 --> 00:36:01.440
things are actually well helpful, you
know, something are actually positive. Some

548
00:36:01.480 --> 00:36:07.239
things can actually change our life something
in a positive way. Some things can

549
00:36:07.320 --> 00:36:10.039
add to our life. They can
add to our life in a way that's

550
00:36:10.079 --> 00:36:15.639
pretty amazing, right, And so
is that necessarily a stressful component or is

551
00:36:15.639 --> 00:36:20.280
that more of a life changing component? Is that more of a oh I

552
00:36:20.320 --> 00:36:22.239
got to make some action and do
some action versus Oh my gosh, I'm

553
00:36:22.239 --> 00:36:24.440
so stressed out, and my guys, I'm so worried, I'm so fearful,

554
00:36:24.440 --> 00:36:29.880
and I guess I'm like, god
it, you know, I'd actually

555
00:36:29.960 --> 00:36:32.599
hurt a little bit to do that. So you know, it's like,

556
00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:37.079
what do we do and how do
we kind of change things? So like,

557
00:36:37.119 --> 00:36:39.880
for example, you know, I
know that you know it's hard,

558
00:36:39.960 --> 00:36:43.559
you know, having kids and them
growing up can be really hard, and

559
00:36:43.559 --> 00:36:45.119
it can be very stressful, but
you know, you know, there's certain

560
00:36:45.159 --> 00:36:49.920
things about that that we can look
at it from a different perspective, you

561
00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:53.480
know, whether also it's like going
back to school or getting the different job,

562
00:36:53.760 --> 00:36:58.400
or applying for a different job or
career. I mean, yes,

563
00:36:58.800 --> 00:37:02.960
stressful, but is it is it
really stressful or is it life changing?

564
00:37:05.599 --> 00:37:09.760
You know, building something, you
know, getting involved with a huge you

565
00:37:09.800 --> 00:37:15.119
know, production or project, something
that you're doing. Yes, it can

566
00:37:15.159 --> 00:37:17.400
seem very overwhelming and stressful in the
moment, but is it stressful or is

567
00:37:17.400 --> 00:37:22.000
it more of just life changing and
positive things happening in your life? And

568
00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:23.039
I think it's something to really think
about. These are the things that we

569
00:37:23.079 --> 00:37:27.119
really want to think about. These
are the things that we want to be

570
00:37:27.320 --> 00:37:32.199
aware of. You know, I
think that it's helpful to be aware of

571
00:37:32.199 --> 00:37:37.760
those things. And you know,
I think that when we're able to say,

572
00:37:37.760 --> 00:37:42.079
Okay, yeah, hey, this
is really kind of good in life

573
00:37:42.199 --> 00:37:45.719
changing. There's some pieces of it
that maybe don't really always make me happy,

574
00:37:46.119 --> 00:37:50.960
but overall, it's not a horrible
experience. Now, there's some experiences.

575
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:53.079
You're gonna say, there is not
one silver lining in this Ashuley,

576
00:37:53.119 --> 00:37:57.800
There's not one piece, and hey, I am not going to argue with

577
00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:00.480
you on that. It might be
some stuff like some of you might be

578
00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:04.000
caregiving and that's hard. You gotta
find somebody, you get help, get

579
00:38:04.039 --> 00:38:07.559
some help and stuff. But there's
some times where there is those epiphanies.

580
00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:09.360
There are some times where you go, man, I'm really glad, I'm

581
00:38:09.360 --> 00:38:15.320
really glad I had that opportunity to
be with that person, to be able

582
00:38:15.360 --> 00:38:19.280
to experience that, to go through
that, to deal with that, and

583
00:38:19.280 --> 00:38:22.599
that is awesome. And then there's
gonna be some really rough times in that

584
00:38:22.639 --> 00:38:28.199
too, some really really rough rough
times. But looking at things and really

585
00:38:28.199 --> 00:38:32.239
defining it, am I defining this
as stress? Is this stress? Or

586
00:38:32.360 --> 00:38:38.679
is this change? You know?
I mean you know it. Is it

587
00:38:38.840 --> 00:38:45.599
you know, healthy or is it
unhealthy? Is it gonna open my mind

588
00:38:45.679 --> 00:38:47.199
more or is it gonna not.
So there's all these questions that we can

589
00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:52.159
ask to really get down to the
nitty gritty of is this really stressed or

590
00:38:52.199 --> 00:38:55.199
is it not? And so I
hope that the concept of this has helped.

591
00:38:55.239 --> 00:38:59.599
I hope that thinking about this maybe
and some other ideas and some other

592
00:38:59.639 --> 00:39:02.480
ways and some other uh you know, lighting it up in different areas and

593
00:39:02.519 --> 00:39:07.199
really kind of thinking about this and
mulling it over may help you to some

594
00:39:07.320 --> 00:39:12.400
degree. And I think it can
be healthy to see things differently and try

595
00:39:12.400 --> 00:39:14.760
to make some of these augmentations and
changes in our life. And then the

596
00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:17.239
stuff that really is stressful, let's
really analyze that, let's really think about

597
00:39:17.239 --> 00:39:21.440
that, let's really get in there, let's really talk about that. And

598
00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:24.199
an upcoming show we'll talk about the
adjacent stress, maybe in the codependency,

599
00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:29.079
you know, in the adjacent stress, and the in the you know,

600
00:39:29.599 --> 00:39:32.760
you know, in the empathy,
because that that's real, right, that's

601
00:39:32.760 --> 00:39:37.920
real, Because if you're really a
true friend or you really care about somebody,

602
00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:40.679
you're gonna have stress, and you're
gonna feel it when they're going through

603
00:39:40.679 --> 00:39:43.840
a lot, and you're gonna want
to do whatever you can, but there's

604
00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:45.960
gonna be a limit to what you
can do. And then that because of

605
00:39:45.960 --> 00:39:47.320
that limit, you're gonna feel like
your hands are tied and this and that.

606
00:39:47.599 --> 00:39:51.800
So we need to be able to
process that correctly and deal with it

607
00:39:51.840 --> 00:39:55.760
in the right frame of mind.
And that's what is so so important,

608
00:39:57.800 --> 00:40:01.679
very important things that are really really
important. They can really shape our lives

609
00:40:02.079 --> 00:40:06.440
in a really, really great way, so stay tuned. More shows coming

610
00:40:06.519 --> 00:40:08.400
up. Check out the podcast.
You can check it out on everywhere that

611
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:13.400
podcasts can be found, you know, Apple Podcasts, a Spreaker, to

612
00:40:13.480 --> 00:40:17.119
Stitcher, to Spotify. In the
meantime, if you get a chance,

613
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go to my YouTube channel. Go
to YouTube and search up Ashley Burgess,

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b E. R. G Ees
or Ashley Burgess Life Coach or life Coach

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Ashley Burgess and you'll find my channel. We have content almost new every day,

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so check it out. We got
short bites, small bites, and

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long bites and big bites of content, so stay tuned. I hope you

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can check out the YouTube channel and
in the meantime live your true life perspectives

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with your host me, Ashley Burgess. Will be back in I'll be back

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this time, Well, I'll be
back this time in three shakes.