Spiritual Bypassing; Are They Using This to Hide Behind Life? [Ep.759]

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You're in a good place now.
You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back live to Literature Life Perspectives
and I'm your host, Ashley Burgess.

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On today's show, we're going to
be exploring spiritual bypassing and how many

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of us might be using this.
Maybe some of your friends or family are

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using spiritual bypassing as a defense mechanism
in their own life. And this is

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very interesting because I came across spiritual
bypassing a while back and it was very

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interesting idea, a very interesting concept, and I want to share this with

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the Literature Life listeners because I think
that this is very important. And you

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know, the spiritual bypassing basically describes
the tendency to use spiritual explanations to avoid

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complex psychological is and the term itself
was coined in the eighties by a transpersonal

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psychologist and psychotherapist, John Wellwood and
a book written and I believe his title

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of that book was Toward a Psychology
of Awakening. And it's interesting because he

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defines what spiritual bypassing is and how
it's a tendency to use spiritual ideas and

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practices to sidestep or to avoid facing
unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and

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unfinished developmental type tasks. And it's
interesting because he wasn't just explaining this as

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hey, other people do this,
and this is what other people do.

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He actually was able to take a
look at himself and realized that he too

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was actually doing this as well,
and he realized that he was doing this

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as a type of defense mechanism.
Rather than working through heart emotions or confronting

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issues, he would simply dismiss certain
things happening with spiritual explanations or that toxic

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positivity that we've talked about in previous
shows. And I think oftentimes this has

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done this to protect yourself from harm
or to promote harmony between other people,

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but it doesn't really resolve an issue. It doesn't really give us a solution.

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It just kind of glosses over things, and things kind of stay where

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they are now. I've also seen
another side of spiritual bypassing as well that

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I find interesting, and that is
when people are judging you and they're spiritual

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bypassing themselves, so you know they're
judging you in your life, but they're

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hiding behind this version of this extremely
spiritual person, and you know, there's

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extremely high attained spiritual being, guru, what have you. But in reality,

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they're judging you and trying to avoid
feelings of their own issues and trying

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to act like they're higher and mightier
than you are or than your issues.

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So very interesting, we're gonna talk
about all this today. So there's a

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lot going on and the signs that
we might see when someone is spiritually bypassing.

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One of the things that I find
very interesting is one of the things

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is avoiding those feelings of anger,
avoiding what anger feels like. And I

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don't like feeling anger all the time. Don't get me wrong. I don't

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want to be angry all the time. That's not an emotion that I want

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to sink in with or hang out
with for long periods of time. However,

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we do get angry. Anger happens. Things happen, and so when

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we try to avoid that feeling too
much, what happens, we suppress it.

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It comes out in different ways,
right, It shows up in different

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ways. It's got to show up
to the surface at some point. I

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mean, that's the way life is. And so we want to realize when

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we're avoiding anger or suppressing that.
I've also found in certain folks that when

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they believe in their own spiritual superior
priority as a way of making themselves superior

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or feeling better, as you know, as a way from separating themselves and

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limiting those insecurities. And there's some
folks out there that, you know,

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have that tendency of being, you
know, a spiritual guru or in a

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place where they seem to have all
the answers when in reality they just don't,

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and they're actually using that to safeguard
themselves. They're using that to hide

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behind that type of concept for themselves
so they can believe in that, but

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also for others to see them in
a different light. I also find too,

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and I'm not saying that sometimes it's
not good to see it this way

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now, you know, I'm not
saying that this is all steadfast and true

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black and white thinking here. So
there's always gray areas here and what we

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talk about here on this show because
we have to live somewhere, you know,

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between the black and white, there's
got to be some kind of middle

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ground. One of the concepts is
believing that traumatic events must serve as a

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learning experience or there's a silver lining
behind every negative experience. And I you

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know, some people would say,
well, you know, that makes you

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feel better about it, or it
puts it, you know, puts it

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into a different light, or it
spends it more positively. And I think

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anytime that you are able to see
things in a more positive light, that's

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good. But I think also though, being able to process the emotions that

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we have when things happen is important
too. I think that sometimes when we

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spin it into a certain light,
something that happens to somebody else and you

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go, oh, but the bright
side is, or you know, look

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at the silver lining is sometimes we're
not allowing that person to process the feelings

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and emotions that they've gone through in
the process of going through this actual experience.

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And so I think that if we
allow the person or allow ourselves to

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express how we feel and to deal
with our emotions and to process those emotions,

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and then after that we're able to
try to look and find that silver

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lining, I think that that's a
good practice. But I think doing the

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silver lining prior to expressing our feelings
just makes us stuff our feelings deeper down

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inside, which is not good because
it's eventually going to what those feelings are

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eventually going to show up somewhere at
some point in time. I think another

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aspect of that is having that really
almost unattainable idolization or idealism of what life

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is like like this, like this, you know, this pinnacle cornucopia of

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excellence of what we should be in. And I do think that life should

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be great, but I think that
sometimes, you know, when we look

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at certain types of levels of spiritual
bypassing, we may start actually making ourselves

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feel worse because we're not at a
certain attainability we might say we are our

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life isn't where we think that it
should be. That it should be much

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more. We should be in a
much happier state. We should be blissful,

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feeling all the time. We should
be in bliss. And you read

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some of this stuff from some of
these gurus, is that we should be

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in bliss. And I understand the
idea of being in the now, you

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know, being in the moment,
you know, not being in the thinking

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brain. You know. I've written
a book about this, The Ten Day

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Challenge to Live Your True Life,
and part of that is about you know,

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exiting the thinking brain and realizing that
our brain is not us, that

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our thoughts are not us. It's
just an organ producing these thoughts, and

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we need to see the difference.
But I also believe that sometimes we can

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come up with a concept of what
our life should be, and it can

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feel really bad if we're not living
that particular life. I also feel that

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sometimes spiritual bypassing can lead to detachment, not only detachment in our own lives,

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right, but also our friends if
they're spiritually bypassing, can detach from

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our own issues, seeing our issues
as small or pedestrian, or things that

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are beneath them, or things that
they can judge because they're not going through

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that. And I find that that
leads to a lot of detachment as well,

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you know, when you look also
at focusing on only spirituality and ignoring

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the presence. So I a long
time ago, I went through a period

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of time where I went through a
very spiritual journey and there were times where

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I didn't think about I mean,
I worked and stuff like that, but

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I didn't put I put so much
effort into my spiritual journey, which was

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I think at the time very important. But there was a moment after several

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years and kind of you know,
I think it's very important to realize that

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it needs to be spaced out and
you need to focus on other aspects of

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your life. And your spirituality is
one component of you, right, it's

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not your whole life. It's not
your whole component. And it took me

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to realize that too, where yes, I'm trying to work on the spiritual

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attainment and I'm trying to work to
this level and that, but yet that

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is not the only reason why I'm
here. There's other aspects of my life

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that I need to focus on.
And that was a wake up call for

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me because I realized that there were
certain things that were falling by the wayside

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that I needed to take care of. That if I was always trying to

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be in that spirituality, in that
space all the time, some of the

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things are going to fall by the
wayside just because of the nature of them,

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because they're not part of that particular
or we don't see it right as

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part of the spiritual journey. And
I think that's more of it, because

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I think all the aspects of our
life is part of a spiritual journey.

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But we can start defining that as
oh, well, that's not our meditation,

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that's paying bills, or you know, that's this, or that's you

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know, it's very different, or
that's buying groceries, or that's doing this.

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But all this is important in the
grand scheme of things to make our

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lives move forward. I also find
too only focusing on the positive, or

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being overly optimistic or having that toxic
positivity is also assigned to you. And

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I'm not saying that we shouldn't be
positive. I'm a big believer in positivity.

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Without positivity, I mean, what's
the opposite. You know, we

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could be very negative. We can
see everything in a negative place. We

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can see everything in a painful position. We can see everything that way,

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and that to me is only going
to give you more pain and suffering.

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But to some degree we do have
to see I believe more of at least

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a neutral response, right, at
least more neutral than negative. And I

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like to be as optimic optimistic as
possible. And I think that it's it's

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good to be optimistic, and I
think it's it's it's it's a healthy way

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of living to be optimistic. But
I think there's also, you know,

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levels of you know, healthy optimism, and then there's levels of what I

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consider toxic optimism, because I think
sometimes you have to really examine things and

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look at things, and sometimes not
everything is perfect. Sometimes not everything is

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great. Sometimes there's problems that have
to be dealt with and have to be

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dealt with properly, and until they're
dealt with properly, we're not going to

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be able to move on properly in
a situation. And so I found that

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sometimes we've got to deal with stuff
head on, even though we might not

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want to do that. I also
find sometimes too that with that toxic with

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toxic positivity, also with spiritual bypassing, sometimes there's a tendency of pretending that

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things are fine when they're not,
pretending that things are fine when they're not.

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And that's an issue. And I
don't want to all we don't want

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to just create problems with nothing.
You definitely don't want to do that.

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Definitely don't want to create problems out
of thin air. Definitely don't want to

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make things bigger than they are when
you don't have to, because that's drama,

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right, that's drama. That's the
other side of the coin, is

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creating that drama right where we don't
need that drama. There's enough people out

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there creating drama all day, every
day. Right, But there's sometimes where

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we do act as if everything's just
fine when it's not. And there's the

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things that we actually have to take
a look at and analyze and have conversations

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about and figure out what is our
best direction. It might not be the

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easiest of courses. This could be
challenging, or you know what, maybe

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it's just going to take a little
bit of talking and understanding and coordinating to

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get this done. But again,
in order to do that, we have

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to actually take a look at it. And if we're sitting in that spiritual

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bypassing position, we're probably not taking
that accurate over to look at it.

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We're probably trying to gloss over it, act like it's fine, and move

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on because we don't want to really
deal with it. But again, what

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happens when we sweep something under the
rug. It's swept under the rug,

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and we're gonna trip on it eventually. Right, We're gonna fall over and

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trip on it eventually because it's under
that rug. It's a big ball of

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stuff under a rug that we're walking
on. It's not going to be very

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easy to walk over. I also
think that you know, looking at people's

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problems, there's a tendency of people, you know, of assuming that people

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can overcome their problems through positive thinking. And I think that positive thinking is

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a very good thing. I don't
think it's the only way we can overcome

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our problems. I think that positive
thinking, but also action is the way

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to overcome problems. Action, What
is the next action? What do I

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need to do? What is the
next thing that I need to do?

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What can I do to make things
better? What are some actionable items that

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I can take to make my life
better or to overcome this situation? And

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so when I return, I'll be
talking more about spiritual bypassing. I'll continue

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on with a couple of more signs
of spiritual bypassing, so you understand that

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and also getting into the judgment piece
of what that can look like, because

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sometimes when you're dealing with people who
are spiritually bypassing, there's a tendency of

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them seeing your problems as your problems, and not seeing your problems is also

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problems that they faced, or just
you know, understanding the human situation and

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understanding where you're coming from. And
sometimes it can come from this high and

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mighty source and that could be really
challenging, especially if you've looked up to

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this person spiritually, or you believe
in them, or you feel like you

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know they have a good beat on
things. That can be hard when somebody

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does that because you're not expecting you're
expecting a totally different way of action.

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So stay tuned. I'll be right
back. We have a lot more to

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talk about today. Live your True
Life Perspectives with me, your host,

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Assy Burgess, will be back in. I'll be back this time. You

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know it in two shakes. Turn
it up and jump in the deep end

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on perspectives. Now here's Ashley.
Welcome back live to literal True Life Perspectives

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and I'm your host, Ashley Burgess. On today, I'm talking about spiritual

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bypassing, understanding what spiritual bypassing is
and some of the signs of spiritual bypassing,

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as well as sometimes when you're dealing
with someone who has spiritually bypassed,

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how they can make judgment on you
going through the human condition and other things

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that we go through as humans in
this lifetime. And if you're just tuning

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in, you know, there's a
whole concept of what spiritual bypassing is.

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You know, and there's that tendency
to use spiritual explanations to avoid complex psychological

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issues as well as to really sidestep
avoiding kind of the big issues, avoiding

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the psychological wounds, the unfinished task, and trying to like kind of like,

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you know, make things easier to
digest. But yet sometimes it might

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not be actually connecting with our emotions, our feelings and the information that we

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need to start gathering to not only
be more aware of who we are,

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but to be a better human,
a better being. Right and right before

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the break, I was going through
multitudes of signs of spiritual bypassing. You

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know, hopefully you'll get a chance
to listen to that segment because that is

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really important in understanding and being able
to identify what spiritual bypassing is. So

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let me finish up with those real
quick before we move into anything else.

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Right before the break, I was
talking about that, you know how thinking

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that people can overcome their problems through
positive thinking, And I agree that positive

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thinking is very important, and positive
thinking is important to set up as far

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as believing in yourself and believing that
there's a way out, believing that there's

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always another way, believing that you
can create things of value. That is

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very important because without that belief,
we don't really have anything else. We

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can tell ourselves things, but if
we don't really believe that to be true,

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we're not going to believe that to
be true. However, the action.

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In order to make changes and overcome
problems in our lives, we have

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to be able to identify the problems
and create appropriate action. And with appropriate

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action and positive thinking, that's where
the two come together to create that effect.

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Without the action, we have the
problem. Also, I think too

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thinking that you must rise above your
emotions. I agree that we don't want

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to be wallowing in our emotions.
We don't want to wallow in negative emotions.

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I totally understand that that. It's
something that I totally agree with.

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But yet sometimes we have to accept
those emotions. Sometimes we have to deal

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with emotions. Sometimes we need to
be able to walk in it and process

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those emotions, because without processing those
emotions, we're not reading really honest to

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ourselves. We're not being honest about
our feelings, We're not being honest about

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our emotions, and all these things
will come back to roost if we don't

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wants out, because it can create
us a lot of problems in our lives

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life, and that is something that's
so important is to be able to say,

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Okay, yeah, people can overcome
them. But in the process of

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overcoming then we have to feel it, see where it's coming from, and

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understand it. Last, but not
least, is using defense mechanisms such as

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denial and repression, And I think
that's a big thing too, is like

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repressing our own things and denying things. But also I think judgment to also

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should be added to that as well, because I've found that a lot of

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times when people are spiritually bypassing,
it's a lot easier for them to judge

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other people and what they're doing,
versus seeing their own situation and their own

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life and how things are happening in
their own life and being honest with themselves

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about the part that they play.
I mean that to me is very important

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because if you are a spiritual person
and you really are working on your spirituality,

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self awareness is key, right.
Self awareness is key knowing where you're

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at, knowing your own deficiencies,
knowing your own problems, understanding what needs

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to get changed, understand what you
need to work on, you know,

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and being aware of that and being
conscientious of that. We all have to

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work on things. It doesn't make
us wrong, it doesn't make us bad,

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It makes us human. That's who
we are. We have to go

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through the process. That's why we're
here on this planet, you know,

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acting out in our in our human
form, to try to learn these things.

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And so and when we return,
I'm gonna be talking more specifically about

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the type of spiritual bypassing because I
want you to be able to identify it,

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because some of you might have some
spiritual bypassers in your life that you

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don't even realize. You don't understand
what it is about it. But once

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I help you to really identify this
is going to help you out a lot,

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because it's gonna be like wait is
I can now? I get it.

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Now, I understand why that person
is saying that, or why I

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feel this way, or even maybe
why I'm even avoiding some of my emotions.

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Why am I doing that myself?
So stay tuned. Lots of information

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to come up here. Stay tuned. Litera True Life Perspectives with your host

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me Askey Burgess. Will be back
in I'll be back this time, you

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know it. I'll be back this
time in two Shapes. This is Jake

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Busey and you're listening to Perspectives with
Ashley Burges. Welcome back live to Literature

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Life Perspectives, and I'm your host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show,

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I've been talking about spiritual bypassing,
being able to identify when somebody might be

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spiritually bypassing in their own life and
it's impacting your life, or if we're

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spiritually bypassing in our own life,
because sometimes we can be challenging to see.

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Sometimes we might not be aware that
it's happening. And so these are

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some things that are very interesting to
go by. And I agree with positive

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thought. One of the thing is, if you've been listening to my show

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long enough, if you understand that
I am a big believer in positive thought.

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I'm a big believer in action.
I'm a big believer in change,

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manifestation, that sort of thing.
But everything has to kind of come together

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in the right amount. Everything has
to be added together, like the proper

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ingredients for the best recipe. If
you if you add too much sugar,

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it's not gonna work on a cookie, you know what I'm saying. If

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you add too much salt, your
soup's gonna taste horrible. So we don't

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want to have all this over here
and none of that over there. So

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we gotta be really conscientious about it
and really understand and see, Okay,

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yeah, I gotta helping of that. Let me pull back on that and

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really focus on this. So I
got this, But maybe I'm being a

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little too optimistic, or maybe I'm
being a little too avoidant, and so

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we're gonna look at that real quick. One of the things is the optimistic

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bypass. And I talked a little
bit about that. But we've we've all

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come across people in life. You
know, we all love to laugh,

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we love to be happy, but
yet they seem to be almost forcefully optimistic.

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Right. You gotta focus on the
positive. You gotta see the glass

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full. You're one of those glass
half empty people, you know, don't

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let that frown get you down.
You know, you gotta really really focus.

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And that's great, that's great,
But I think that's sometimes that can

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also be an avoidance of emotion.
That can be an avoidance of having anger

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or fear or dealing with negative emotions
as a whole. Because I think that

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sometimes some folks out there, it's
really hard for them to deal with.

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Anything that's a negative emotion, anything
that's not a positive, over the top

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emotion, is something that can really
get to that person. And I think

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if you've been around that, and
I've I've experienced that in my own life.

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You know, where you have someone
that's very close to you that when

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you try to bring up some tough
stuff with them, they clam up.

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And then not only do they clam
up, they start getting a little angry

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with you, or they try to
turn it around, or you're not being

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positive enough, or you're being a
man, You've become negative Nancy over there.

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I mean, you know, there
was a skit on Saturday Night Live

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that Debbie down or you're being Debbie
down or over there, you know,

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and you're like, I'm not being
Debbie down or I'm just talking about you

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know how I feel right now.
I mean, the fact is that I

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don't need to be called names or
being Debbie down or but you know,

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I like, I'm a down person. I'm a pretty upbeat person. But

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yet we all have those feelings.
And so I've been around that before,

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and it can be challenging because when
you're trying to have a deep conversation with

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somebody that's taken that optimistic bypass.
You can't it's almost impossible to have that

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concept with them because they don't.
It's just hard for them to go there.

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It's hard for them to go there, and you know, and that's

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that's that's challenging. And I think
it's something that you got to think about

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because there might be somebody in your
life right now and then how do you

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deal with that? How do you
deal with that? You know, do

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you you can't have the conversations?
Do you just stop the conversations? Do

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you just not have the conversation?
What if it's an important conversation, I

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mean, what if it's an important
conversation that you need to have with them?

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Then how do you do that?
Then you feel like you're kind of

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like shut down, right, and
so that becomes like the elephant in the

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room because you can't have that conversation. So usually that festers and creates more

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problems. And I think that a
lot of times that happens in marriages.

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I think there's a lot of marriages
out there that are you know, we're

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that are in you know, that
are victims of the optimistic bypass. You

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know, a lot of marriage is
out there being the victim of the optimistic

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bypass. You know, only things
that get better. I don't want to

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hear about it. We're fine,
we're good. No, we're great,

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we got a great marriage. We're
fine, we're good. Let it go.

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I don't want to hear about it. Your mouf's, your mouths,

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you know. But at the same
time, wait a second, what do

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we got? I mean, we
don't have What do we have here?

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What do we have for Johnny?
Not much? So you don't have the

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conversation. You don't have the conversation
of the nose sex, you don't have

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the conversation of the noncommunication because when
you try to bring it up, that

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person calls you Debbie Downer or yet
you're never happy, or I don't know

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why we have to go here?
Why do you have to make tonight so

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bad? Why does you have to
do that? Why does you have to

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go off and talk about that right
now? I don't understand. You know,

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we're having a good night and there
you are, you know, talking

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about that. Anyway that can affect
me, any of you. And so

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if that's affecting you all, it
can be hard and it's like it's like

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trying to figure out how to have
that communication and how to open up and

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how to get them to just be
quiet just to be able to listen to

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you. And that can be exhausting. And sometimes the conversations are never had

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because you're trying so hard. It's
almost like you feel like you can't have

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that conversation. You can't talk about
the things that need to be talked about.

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The next the next version of the
spiritual bypassor that I want to bring

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up in today's show is what I
call the more awakened bypass. The more

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awakened the one the person that seeks
to be enlightened and superior and somehow more

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awakened and their spiritual development than anybody
else. You know, they claim to

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have that certain spiritual like milestone.
It's you know, things that happen.

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They talk about all the things that
they've done. They're kind of like they

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talk about what the you know,
what they've done. A lot of times,

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this can be people that are in
leadership roles to some degree in spiritual

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ways. And that's an interesting concept
in its own And we we all have

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probably some people in our life and
and I've I've been friends with some in

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the past, and I known people
too as well that it's like the spiritual

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superiority, and unfortunately I don't.
I think that's probably at the crux of

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a lot of problems in our society
today. And I think some of us

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have fallen prey into that before because
maybe we have been at a level of

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spiritual attainment that a lot of people
have. And I understand that. But

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again, it's like we have to
be careful to adapt ego around any of

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that, because you know, spirituality
an ego or obviously two different things for

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God's sakes and should not be together. And that in and of itself is

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a red flag. But there's many
people that feel like they're better than more

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aware of more aware than more solid
spiritually, and well, that in and

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of itself is a problem. And
those same people can look down at other

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people, judge other people, make
other people feel bad based on different situations,

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and basically cause trauma, especially if
these people are in any sort of

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leadership role at all, where they
can make people feel bad about the situation

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about themselves. And you know,
I think that's something important to really think

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about. I think that's really important
to understand. And I think that's something

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to look into. If you have
somebody around you in your life right now

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that you feel is like looking their
nose down at you. And this could

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be even in religions. You know, this could be in your church where

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you feel like somebody acts as if
they're more you know, spiritually advanced in

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you and maybe passing judgment on your
life and things that you were going through.

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And you know, that's just something. You know, somebody is very

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spiritually advanced. The last thing that
they're going to do is judge you.

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You know, the more spiritually advanced
somebody is, the less judgment they have.

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That's just part of the rappertoire.
It's not the other way around.

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And that's kind of the argument that
I have a lot of times, is

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why we have so much judgment.
A lot of these leaders should should be

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in a different position, but they're
not. So then again, however,

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that's where we are. And so
I think if you can look at that

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aspect too and be able to recognize
any of those types of folks in your

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life, that could be helpful as
well. The next spiritual bypassing I'd like

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to talk about is what I like
to talk or what I like to define

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as the psychic bypass. And I'm
not against psychics, it's not That's not

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what I'm saying. I'm not I'm
not anti horoscope, anti psychics, anti

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tarot card reading, that is not
what I'm I'm not judging anything, But

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it's that psychic bypass where people would
rather go to a psychic for them to

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tell them how to live their life
or what choices to make. And that

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to me is a very interesting dynamic, not that it's not an interesting thing

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to ask, but I think again, we talk about moderation. Again,

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we talk about ingredients, right,
and a recipe. We don't put all

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of one ingredient in a recipe.
Recipes have many ingredients. And so maybe

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your recipe calls for a three percent
of sugar, Okay, great, you're

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not putting in a ninety percent sugar. But sometimes people look at the psychic

401
00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:37.440
bypass and they go back to their
psychic and every single turn, every single

402
00:28:37.480 --> 00:28:41.119
event, and see what their psychic
thinks. And again, this is an

403
00:28:41.160 --> 00:28:48.680
external validation or external understanding about one's
life. And my concern is the one

404
00:28:49.640 --> 00:28:55.559
is you know, is looking toward
that person to give you answers to your

405
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life. The second one is the
external answers to your life based on this

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other person's psychic ability or perception or
you know, but also the change in

407
00:29:07.720 --> 00:29:11.599
reality or actions based on what that
person also says. Because I've had clients

408
00:29:11.640 --> 00:29:15.920
who have come to me and they've
had psychics, and the psychic says,

409
00:29:15.960 --> 00:29:18.119
well, I want this, or
you should. You know, you're going

410
00:29:18.200 --> 00:29:19.920
to meet this person, or you're
going to meet that person, or you're

411
00:29:21.000 --> 00:29:23.960
going to whatever, and they start
living their life based on that. They

412
00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:29.599
start living their life based on what
their psychic says. And I think it's

413
00:29:29.640 --> 00:29:33.440
okay to maybe visit a psychic here
and there, but I think overall we

414
00:29:33.480 --> 00:29:37.480
have to be very careful about what
we put into our mind and what we

415
00:29:37.559 --> 00:29:42.400
feel is going to happen in our
life. And that is something that I

416
00:29:42.440 --> 00:29:45.440
think is also very important to understand. So if you have a friend or

417
00:29:45.480 --> 00:29:48.319
a family member yourself, look at
it and see, you know, where

418
00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:51.920
did I get to? Why did
I go that direction? Even if it's

419
00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:53.880
yourself, Why did I get to
that spot in my life? Why am

420
00:29:53.880 --> 00:29:59.599
I looking to this person to kind
of give me advice when maybe I can

421
00:29:59.640 --> 00:30:03.359
go do been on my own self
and start asking myself those questions and be

422
00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:10.039
able to develop some answers internally that
I need to form about my own life.

423
00:30:10.039 --> 00:30:12.720
And that could be a very powerful
position to be at as well.

424
00:30:12.759 --> 00:30:18.759
Another thing that I find interesting too
is like the saint concept bypass, so

425
00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:22.759
the bypass, the saint bypass,
which I think is interesting, and that's,

426
00:30:22.839 --> 00:30:25.720
you know, just basically the belief, you know, the spiritual person,

427
00:30:25.799 --> 00:30:29.640
and how a spiritual person needs to
be compassionate, they need to always

428
00:30:29.640 --> 00:30:33.759
be kind, they need to be
saintly. It's that extreme black and white

429
00:30:33.759 --> 00:30:38.119
thinking. You know that there is
no dark sides. A person can have

430
00:30:38.160 --> 00:30:42.240
no issues, they can have no
dark sides. You know, there's no

431
00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:45.880
there's no shadows self, there's no
dark side. And as we know as

432
00:30:45.960 --> 00:30:52.480
human beings, for goodness say,
there's always sides to us that are not

433
00:30:52.599 --> 00:30:56.039
perfection. There's sides to us that
might be darker shadow sides that we have,

434
00:30:56.559 --> 00:31:00.039
and that shadows self that we might
have in certain in certain areas,

435
00:31:00.039 --> 00:31:03.519
and that's part of kind of the
human condition and we can work on that.

436
00:31:04.000 --> 00:31:08.000
But I think sometimes we shun that
side, or we feel bad about

437
00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:11.440
that side, or we feel painful
about that side, and so we judge

438
00:31:11.480 --> 00:31:17.079
ourselves. We avoid that. We
usually just avoid it. We'd avoid looking

439
00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:18.960
at it, we avoid dealing with
it in our personal life. We don't

440
00:31:19.000 --> 00:31:22.559
want to see it. We don't
want to see that shadow self. And

441
00:31:22.559 --> 00:31:26.119
then when we see shadow selves of
other people, this is where the judgment

442
00:31:26.200 --> 00:31:30.880
comes in. If we're avoiding our
own shadow self. When we see the

443
00:31:30.920 --> 00:31:33.880
shadow self from other people, we
judge it, We make comments about it.

444
00:31:34.119 --> 00:31:38.240
Maybe we shun that person, maybe
we decide that we're not going to

445
00:31:38.319 --> 00:31:44.519
hang out with that person because of
whatever that is, and we judge them

446
00:31:44.519 --> 00:31:47.839
and what they're doing, when in
reality, some of that might be on

447
00:31:47.880 --> 00:31:51.960
our side as well. But since
we're avoiding it and wanting to really sit

448
00:31:52.039 --> 00:31:56.160
within that saint, that saintly bypass, we avoid it because why we wouldn't

449
00:31:56.200 --> 00:32:00.200
have friends with that shadow side,
would we wouldn't be connected to somebody with

450
00:32:00.240 --> 00:32:06.079
that shadow side. So we avoid
that and we offset that. And I

451
00:32:06.119 --> 00:32:09.359
find that's a lot of the judgment
pieces that when someone's trying to act as

452
00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:14.440
though they're the martyr, they're the
saint, they're perfect, they have no

453
00:32:15.559 --> 00:32:19.720
there's no issues, there's no bumps
in the road. It is a smooth

454
00:32:20.039 --> 00:32:24.200
street, everything's perfect lined with gold, and life is great, and do

455
00:32:24.359 --> 00:32:29.480
everything right and then it's like a
lot of times what happens is they avoid

456
00:32:29.519 --> 00:32:32.359
that and then with people around them, that's when it gets bad. Is

457
00:32:32.359 --> 00:32:37.200
that when something happens and they have
a friend or a family member who is

458
00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:43.559
doing something that mimics their shadow self
or is parts or aspects of their shadow

459
00:32:43.640 --> 00:32:47.440
self, those are the first people
that get chastised. Those are the first

460
00:32:47.480 --> 00:32:51.920
people that get cut out. Sometimes
they just cut them out. They don't

461
00:32:51.960 --> 00:32:53.759
even chastise, and they don't even
come. You know, they might make

462
00:32:53.799 --> 00:32:58.440
comments, they might go and tell
other people, or they might have comments

463
00:32:58.480 --> 00:33:00.640
to say, or they might you
know what whatever that is. But a

464
00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:02.880
lot of times they just cut them
out because they don't want to see it.

465
00:33:04.880 --> 00:33:07.079
They don't want to see it because
they have it and they're avoiding it

466
00:33:07.119 --> 00:33:10.559
in their own life, and so
they don't want to see someone else doing

467
00:33:10.599 --> 00:33:15.519
it. And that can be really
challenging. If you have somebody in your

468
00:33:15.559 --> 00:33:20.400
life who is on the spiritual bypassing
track, you know, you might be

469
00:33:20.480 --> 00:33:22.160
very close to them, but if
you're life, if you begin to do

470
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:27.440
things that they don't they don't agree
with it could be because of their shadow

471
00:33:27.519 --> 00:33:31.880
self and also their avoidance of their
truth. And when somebody's avoiding their truth,

472
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:39.000
they're going to avoid you. If
you bring any light to their situation,

473
00:33:40.400 --> 00:33:46.079
they are going to avoid you at
all costs. They're going to avoid

474
00:33:46.079 --> 00:33:52.279
you at all costs in order to
in order to save themselves, they will

475
00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:54.039
avoid you at all costs. So
if you've had somebody recently cut you off,

476
00:33:54.079 --> 00:33:58.279
if you were going through a challenging
experience and you maybe you can fide

477
00:33:58.279 --> 00:34:00.680
it in a family member or friend, and then they turn on you or

478
00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:04.480
they cut you out. A lot
of times, this is what's happening.

479
00:34:04.559 --> 00:34:07.440
Is they don't want to deal with
their own stuff, and they're certainly not

480
00:34:07.480 --> 00:34:09.920
going to deal with your stuff because
they haven't gotten right with their own life.

481
00:34:10.239 --> 00:34:15.880
They can't begin to even go through
your stuff because that'll bring up stuff

482
00:34:15.880 --> 00:34:19.679
that they haven't dealt with in their
own lives. So they would rather cut

483
00:34:19.679 --> 00:34:22.440
you out completely than deal with their
own issues. So it has nothing to

484
00:34:22.480 --> 00:34:27.719
do with you. It has absolutely
everything to deal with them. Stay tuned.

485
00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:30.440
Much more coming up about spiritual Bypassing. I hope that this show is

486
00:34:30.440 --> 00:34:34.920
really connected with you. I think
it's something that's not talked about enough in

487
00:34:34.960 --> 00:34:38.239
our society today, and it's something
that needs to be discussed and understanding,

488
00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:42.199
because this is really the crux of
it sometimes and we can really get to

489
00:34:42.199 --> 00:34:45.480
the understanding of why people do what
they do or why we do what we

490
00:34:45.559 --> 00:34:49.559
do, and how we got there. So stay tuned labor True Life Perspectives

491
00:34:49.920 --> 00:34:52.519
with me, your host, Asty
Burgess will be back in. I'll be

492
00:34:52.559 --> 00:35:12.320
back this time in two shakes.
Get in here. You're listening to Perspectives

493
00:35:12.320 --> 00:35:17.119
with Ashley Burgess. Welcome back live
to Literature Life Perspectives and I'm your host,

494
00:35:17.159 --> 00:35:22.519
Ashley Burgess. On today's show,
we've been examining spiritual bypassing and the

495
00:35:22.599 --> 00:35:28.840
aspects of spiritual bypassing, the signs
of spiritual bypassing, the types of spiritual

496
00:35:28.880 --> 00:35:31.320
bypassers, and how to really understand
that. And I think it's really a

497
00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:35.320
full circle here because it could be
somebody that we deal with in our day

498
00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:37.960
to day life. It could be
a family member or a good friend.

499
00:35:37.000 --> 00:35:40.719
It could also be partly us.
You know that we've used this to,

500
00:35:42.079 --> 00:35:46.079
you know, avoid certain deep feelings
that we've used spiritual bypassing and to offset

501
00:35:46.159 --> 00:35:50.039
some of our negative feelings in life, or some of our sadness or some

502
00:35:50.119 --> 00:35:52.400
of our anger. You know,
sometimes we can use this to bypass the

503
00:35:52.480 --> 00:35:54.760
dark side, you know, the
shadow work that we need to do.

504
00:35:54.840 --> 00:35:58.920
And then sometimes maybe you have some
people in your life that would bypass it,

505
00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:01.679
and they are judging you because you're
dealing with your shadow work and they

506
00:36:01.679 --> 00:36:05.760
don't want to see it because they
don't want to deal with their own truth.

507
00:36:06.239 --> 00:36:08.280
And this is a very deep concept
because you know, these are questions

508
00:36:08.280 --> 00:36:10.719
we have to ask. It's things
that most of us don't ask, you

509
00:36:10.760 --> 00:36:15.599
know, and sometimes I know that
are my listeners here on literature life perspectives.

510
00:36:15.599 --> 00:36:19.599
You're asking yourself these questions all the
time, but many people just aren't.

511
00:36:19.679 --> 00:36:22.599
And so it's a deep dive into
what we're already probably doing, but

512
00:36:22.679 --> 00:36:25.360
things that we can do. Even
more so, maybe even some thoughts that

513
00:36:25.400 --> 00:36:28.920
we haven't really thought about. I
think one of the biggest things is just

514
00:36:28.960 --> 00:36:32.400
being able to be you, being
able to be more open minded and allowing

515
00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:36.920
yourself to be more in a learning
process. Like one of the things that

516
00:36:36.960 --> 00:36:40.800
I realize is when we're more like
a child and we see life more like

517
00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:45.920
a child. We're able to express
ourselves more in a healthier way. We're

518
00:36:46.000 --> 00:36:51.880
also able to not take ourselves so
darn seriously. I do think that many

519
00:36:51.920 --> 00:36:55.559
of us take ourselves so seriously.
We do, and then if anything's wrong,

520
00:36:55.599 --> 00:36:58.960
we're like, we feel horrible about
it. We feel bad about it,

521
00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:00.840
we get down into process in our
life. We don't want to be

522
00:37:00.960 --> 00:37:04.639
wrong, we don't all this stuff, and so it all comes to ahead

523
00:37:04.679 --> 00:37:07.280
and we get really upset about it
when in reality it's really not that big

524
00:37:07.320 --> 00:37:10.599
of a deal. And so we
have to be willing to, you know,

525
00:37:12.039 --> 00:37:16.119
not know the answer. We have
to be willing to be off target.

526
00:37:16.199 --> 00:37:20.119
We have to be willing to,
you know, say hey, you

527
00:37:20.119 --> 00:37:22.920
know what, I don't know everything, and I'm learning and I'm trying my

528
00:37:22.960 --> 00:37:25.119
best, but you know, sometimes
there's gonna be things I know and sometimes

529
00:37:25.119 --> 00:37:29.320
there's gonna be things I don't know. And I think when we're able to

530
00:37:29.360 --> 00:37:31.760
get to that level in our life, we've come up to an attainment level

531
00:37:32.320 --> 00:37:37.599
that we're able to be at that's
really so special, and I think that's

532
00:37:37.639 --> 00:37:40.920
part of it. I think second
part is really dealing with that shadow side

533
00:37:40.920 --> 00:37:44.480
of ourselves that we try to repress. I mean, I think that we

534
00:37:44.559 --> 00:37:46.719
all have things that we all have
the light in the dark, that's just

535
00:37:46.760 --> 00:37:51.760
part of it, you know.
But I mean we have to ask ourselves

536
00:37:51.760 --> 00:37:54.400
about things and in our life and
activities and choices that we're making, and

537
00:37:54.440 --> 00:37:59.679
look at all those sides, you
know, look at the sides of the

538
00:37:59.719 --> 00:38:04.119
coin on each thing that we're doing. Being more aware spirit, you know,

539
00:38:04.159 --> 00:38:07.840
being more aware of ourselves and having
more of that guidance and awareness in

540
00:38:07.880 --> 00:38:13.960
our day to day life. But
also you know, being more accepting sometimes

541
00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:16.000
of that other side, not trying
to shun that, but trying to learn

542
00:38:16.079 --> 00:38:21.320
and grow and figure out how to
deal with it and how to be better.

543
00:38:21.400 --> 00:38:25.039
And then also not judging our friends, you know, being able to

544
00:38:25.079 --> 00:38:29.840
have those deep conversations and understanding our
friends better and getting to know what they're

545
00:38:29.880 --> 00:38:34.239
going through, being that sounding board
that they need instead of excluding them or

546
00:38:34.320 --> 00:38:37.880
running away from them or making them
feel bad, you know, saying okay,

547
00:38:37.920 --> 00:38:39.079
okay, I'm here, let's you
know, let's talk. Let me

548
00:38:39.159 --> 00:38:43.239
let me understand you better, let
me let me understand what you're going through,

549
00:38:43.320 --> 00:38:45.719
let me understand your pain. And
you know, and you know,

550
00:38:45.960 --> 00:38:52.039
I think positivity is very important again, but I think positivity connected with real

551
00:38:52.119 --> 00:38:55.960
action, you know, the right
action is necessary, and I think that

552
00:38:55.960 --> 00:38:59.800
that's important. If we can get
both of those together, we have some

553
00:39:00.079 --> 00:39:04.679
thing. But just positive thought alone
is helpful, but it's not the end

554
00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:07.519
all, be all to our solutions
for our life. We have to have

555
00:39:07.039 --> 00:39:12.440
that action, and we also need
to have that communication with people that we

556
00:39:12.599 --> 00:39:15.400
look up to or people that we
connect with, and be able to have

557
00:39:15.679 --> 00:39:22.360
an open dialogue of communication that's not
judged, that's not looked down upon,

558
00:39:22.639 --> 00:39:28.920
instead that's actually respected and cultivated and
grown. And I think this is a

559
00:39:29.000 --> 00:39:32.320
very important aspect of our life and
something that we can really learn from and

560
00:39:32.639 --> 00:39:37.239
grow from and really take in.
So I'm hoping that the show has helped

561
00:39:37.239 --> 00:39:40.000
you in the concept and being able
to identify maybe a spiritual bypastor in your

562
00:39:40.039 --> 00:39:43.760
life, you know, or being
able to identify do I have any any

563
00:39:44.079 --> 00:39:47.119
sort of symptoms or signs of spiritual
bypassing, but also how it impacts us

564
00:39:47.119 --> 00:39:51.000
all and the things that we can
do to offset that. In the meantime,

565
00:39:51.000 --> 00:39:53.360
if you haven't already, check out
my YouTube channel, go to YouTube

566
00:39:53.400 --> 00:39:59.960
and just put in Ashley Burgess Ashley
Berges or put in Life Coach Ashley Burgess,

567
00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:04.800
and you'll find my channel over a
thousand videos. We upload videos every

568
00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:08.239
almost every day, multiple times a
week, and so definitely check into that

569
00:40:08.239 --> 00:40:12.400
out. We talk about lots of
different aspects in life, everything from marriage

570
00:40:12.440 --> 00:40:16.639
to family tots to anything from narcissism, the spiritual bypassing, and the list

571
00:40:16.639 --> 00:40:20.440
goes on, so definitely check that
out when you get a chance on YouTube.

572
00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:23.599
Also, you can find me on
all social media's including ticktop and Facebook

573
00:40:23.679 --> 00:40:28.719
and Instagram, so you can follow
me there at Ashley Burgess. And in

574
00:40:28.760 --> 00:40:30.159
the meantime, if you have a
show concept, you can always reach out

575
00:40:30.199 --> 00:40:34.679
on Ashley Burgers dot com. Click
on that contact page and send me a

576
00:40:34.719 --> 00:40:38.199
message and I'll get back to you
asap. Please share this with your family

577
00:40:38.199 --> 00:40:42.800
and friends and live your true life
perspectives with me, your host, Ashley

578
00:40:42.840 --> 00:40:45.119
Burgess, will be back in I'll
be back this time, you know it.

579
00:40:45.400 --> 00:40:49.960
I'll be back this time in three
shapes