Overcoming the Pain of Being Let Down [Ep.772]

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You're in a good place now.
You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back live to Literature Life Perspectives, and I'm your host Ashley Burgess.

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Today I'm talking about feeling let down. I know that many of us

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feel let down by others. We
feel let down because they say they're gonna

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do one thing and they don't,
and that can feel very overwhelming. And

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what do we do about this?
How do we handle this, how do

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we process it? And then how
do we move on. I believe that

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feeling let down is pretty normal.
I'm not saying that it's healthy. I'm

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just saying that it's a normal thing. I feel like that happens more often

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than not in our society today and
in our lives. People telling us that

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they're going to do something and it
doesn't really ever happen. People telling us

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that they're going to take care of
something and they don't follow through. And

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I feel like, instead of just
looking at this like Wow, that happened,

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it's like really taking a deep dive
into it to understand why this is

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happening, why the situation happens in
the first place, the whole process behind

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it, Like being able to really
deconstruct. This not only helps us to

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understand why this phenomenon happens, but
it also takes the anger out of it,

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the sting out of it. But
it also will enable us to turn

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around and look at our own life. And this is important too, because

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when somebody's letting us down, Yes, it sucks, it hurts, does

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not feel good, it's not a
fun experience. It's not something that we

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want to deal with, but we
got to deal with it. But also

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we have to sit there and look
at our own life, you know,

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like really think about it ourselves.
Are we also contributing to this part of

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society? Are we also contributing to
this type of downfall as well based on

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our non actions? Are non committing
or saying we're going to do one thing

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and not show up and do another. So why does this happen? Why

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do people tell us they're going to
do something and then they don't follow through?

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Why does this happen? And that's
a good question, and you know,

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I think we need to examine first
off, the concept of having a

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desire to do something and then losing
that desire. And you know, I

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think that that is a big thing. I think that in the heat of

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the moment, in any sort of
moment, when somebody's feeling really happy about

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something, or really good about something, or really you know, just a

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lot of energy behind something, a
lot of us get ready. We're like,

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oh my gosh, it's gonna be
so amazing. We got to do

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this, We got to do that. This is gonna be amazing, this

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is gonna be fantastic. Oh my
god, yes, we got to do

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this, and it's so great,
and everybody's having a good time, you

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know, And I think in the
heat of the moment. I think also

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when people are are drinking or having
fun. You know, an idea or

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a concept sounds really good in the
moment, right, but then later on

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and it might not sound as good
later. You know, all of us

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have been in a situation where everybody's
having a lot of fun, You're having

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a great night, and somebody's like, yeah, we should all go to

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Vegas tomorrow, or we should all
do this, or we should all go

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to this music festival, or we
should all go whatever fill in the blank,

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and at the time you're like,
this sounds great. Yeah, it

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could even be something as small as
yeah, we're all going to go over

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to so and so's house tomorrow and
watch the game, and everybody's really,

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you know, we're happy about it, we're all on par with it,

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we're ready for it. And then
the next day comes along and you know,

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I'm not really feeling it, you
know, or I'm just kind of

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exhaust or I got all these responsibilities
I got to take care of. I

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really can't go over there and hang
out all day, you know, And

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so the whole thing starts falling apart. And the sad thing is you got

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people that really, really you're still
dedicated to the concept and still want to

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do it, while you have other
people that aren't. And it's hard.

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And so there you go, and
I think that there's that desire in the

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moment to do it, and that's
one thing that I've had to work on,

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and we're going to talk about that
later on, because that's something that

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I've had to work on and really
focus on in the last several years,

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is not jumping in on the bandwagon
and saying I'm gonna do something unless I

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really, really, really am going
to do it no matter what, and

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I have to sit there and weigh
the pos and cons. I got to

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think about that. You know,
in the moment, I have to sit

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there and say, Okay, this
is the moment. We're all having fun.

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Everything is good, life is good. But am I gonna want to

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do this in a week? Am
I gonna want to do this tomorrow?

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Am I gonna want to do this
in a month? I got to really

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think about that before I jump in, you know, give the high five

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and say yes, I'm in.
I think another aspect too, is that

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many of us have symptoms and full
on symptoms or just full on eighty D

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or ADHD. It's really hard to
focus, hard to get things done,

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hard to see things, to fruition
to conclusion. And that's a big deal.

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Is that. You know, when
you're dealing with add it's disorder or

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its sension deficit hybrid disorder, it's
hard to focus enough to finish something.

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Okay, it's hard enough to do
that. And sometimes you know, when

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we have these signs and symptoms,
we might agree to do something, but

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we're already overwhelmed, we already have
too much responsibilities, or we just can't

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get it together to get it done. And a lot of people deal with

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this. This affects a lot of
people on a daily basis, and this

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is something that we have to really
examine. This is something that we have

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to understand and really kind of compute
and put together because you know, if

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we have these, we need to
be really careful about the things that we

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agree to do, the stuff we
sign up for, the things that we

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say will be at but we can't
make it. And those are the things

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that we really need to analyze because
there's a lot of people that have these

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these symptoms of eighty to or EIGHTYHD. You know, maybe you know they've

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been diagnosed with it, maybe even
on medication and really working on cognitive changes

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to work with it, but still
having problems, you know, dedicating the

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time and attention to getting things done
or even following through with an agreement that

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they've made, and that's really tough. You know. Another thing is just

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day to day responsibilities. I think
that many of us have the desire,

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want and you know, really care
about helping or being a part of things.

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And I think we really want to
be involved, We really want to

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be a part of things, but
our day to day life is so packed,

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there's so much there. It can
be really challenging to make the time

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and effort to get there to do
that. And so you know, when

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you think about why somebody, you
know, why do they blow me off?

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Why didn't they get this done?
What is going on? You know,

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why are they doing this? You
know, also maybe at the time

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when you ask them, they may
feel responsible. They may feel like they

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have to And that's a big challenge
too, when somebody feels like they have

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to do something. When somebody feels
like they have to do something, that

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can be very It could put us
in a position. Right anytime that you

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felt like you had to do something
or you're kind of your back was up

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against the wall, how did you
feel about that? How did you respond?

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I mean, did you have you
know, the wherewithal to say no?

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Or was the idea of saying no
very scary? Because I think the

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idea of saying no sometimes we might
worry is this person going to take it

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wrong? Are they going to get
upset with us? Are they going to

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get angry with us? How are
they going to respond to the word no?

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And these are sincere questions that we
all have. You know, we

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don't want to upset a friend of
ours, We don't want to upset the

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situation at hand, we don't want
to make somebody feel lesser than or not

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valuable. And so we might say
that we're going to take on something or

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do something that quite honestly, we
just don't want to do. We don't

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have the bandwidth to do, we
don't have the time to do, we

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don't have the skill set to do
whatever. That looks like it's just not

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something that we can take on.
And that's that's challenging, right. And

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so it's like when somebody agrees to
do something, or they agree because they

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have they feel that they have a
need to, they feel like they're responsible

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for that. And I found too
that a lot of times when somebody feels

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that way, it's begrudging. It's
not a positive thing. It's not a

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healthy thing. You know. They're
not like, Wow, this is great,

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I'm so glad that I have this
responsibility. It's more like, oh

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God, here we go. And
I feel like too, when somebody feels

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that way, you know, we
have to kind of work for them to

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see it differently. But if they
can't see it differently, it's like you're

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dealing with somebody that's really just angry
and upset about the fact that they're having

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me to do something and they're probably
not gonna do a really good job,

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and they're probably not gonna that they
don't really care. And so it's like,

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you know, we got to look
at things in life and you know,

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and see, you know, is
this appropriate? Have we asked the

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appropriate person to help us? You
know, and really think about that.

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And in today's show, I'm going
to talk a lot more about that because

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it's a deep dive. You know, it's it's about philosophy, it's about

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you know, the human condition.
It's about psychology of us, of people,

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of humans. It's about you know, following through not following through,

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like reasons for it. You know. I know that also a lot of

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people have some very entangled, complex
lives, lots of things going on,

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you know, you know, issues
with children, issues with marital situation,

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you know, stress, anxiety,
issues at work, all these things happening

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all at one time, and other
things going on that you probably have no

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idea. And so you know,
in the grand scheme of things, when

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somebody's dealing with all these things,
it's probably hard to take on other responsibilit

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other challenges, and it's also hard
to try to find time to help somebody

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else in their issues when you find
yourself basically foundering in your own issues.

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And one of the things that I
realized a long time ago, because this

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is something that I wanted to figure
out, is when people were letting me

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down, you know, I realized
that one I had to work on my

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expectations because you know, expectations are
a bit you know what I mean it

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really you don't want to have expectations
and have them, you know, basically

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shot down, right, It's it's
horrible. Is you get to work on

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expectations. And so in my second
book I came out a while back,

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I talk about how expectations are overrated
and really working with that and thinking about

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how often we have these life expectations
of other people, how often we put

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these high expectations on people outside of
ourselves, and how those expectations turn around

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and bite us in the butt because
it is not taken care of, it

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is not done, things don't happen. We take it personally, We take

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it as a personal cut, We
take it as a personal vindictive situation.

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This person meant to do this.
They want to hurt me, they want

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to make fun of me, they
want to take me down, they don't

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really care about me. Whatever,
you start creating a false reality. And

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I don't think that many people just
don't do it because they're wanting to mess

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with you. I really think,
honestly, it goes back to people's lives.

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I feel that many of us,
and I speak for myself and I

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speak for many of the clients that
I work with as well. Life is

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so stressful and there's so much going
on, and there's so many sides and

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dynamics to everything that there's not enough
time to try to be vindictive. And

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you don't even want to what would
be the point of being vindictive. I

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am just a big believer in being
positive, you know, being helpful,

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caring, you know. Hate is
just not a word that's really in my

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vocabulary. I just don't believe that, and hate, I don't. I

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don't believe in that, and I
know that some people will argue that,

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but to me, I just hate
takes a lot of effort, you know,

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I mean hate, and sincere anger
takes a lot of effort, and

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I just don't don't This is not
the direction I want to go. That's

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just not the direction I want to
go. And I think that many of

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you don't want to go there either. It's like if I you know,

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ran a poll. But from all
everybody that listens to live your true life

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perspectives, you know, how many
of you would want to start a lawsuit

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because of anger, resentment, or
you know whatever. You know, many

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of you don't want to be in
a lawsuit. People don't want to be

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in lawsuits. I mean, it's
horrible. It's painful, right, just

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like it's horrible, painful to hate
and hold anger. It's like, why

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do we create this reality? Why
do we go after people? Why do

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we do this type of stuff?
Why do we create these types of realities?

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We don't need to? And that's
definitely not who is listening to this

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show. You know, quite the
opposite. Everybody that's listening to this show.

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You got you got your head on, you know, you're you're really

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thinking things clearly. But she got
a lot on your plate. You got

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a lot of stress, you got
a lot of people, you know,

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clamoring for your attention, you got
a lot of responsibilities, You've got a

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lot of people that needs you in
your life, and you're just trying to

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balance things, right. Doesn't that
sound like you you're just trying to balance

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things. And you know what,
sometimes balancing things can be tough, right,

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Sometimes balancing things can be overwhelming,
but we still get the job done.

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We're still going to work at it. And so in today's sho I'm

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going to talk more about, you
know, the whole concept of being let

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down, but then looking on the
flip side, you know, what are

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we doing in our own camp?
You know, where are we at in

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our own camp? And then asking
some really deep questions about the situation,

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our life expectations and how to clearly
do what we need to do. Stay

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tuned because Literature Life Perspectives with your
host me Ashley Burgess, will be back

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in in two shakes. Turn it
up and jump in the deep end on

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Perspectives. Now here's Ashley. Welcome
back live to Literature Life Perspectives and I'm

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your host Ashley Burgess on today's show
and talking about being let down, the

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feeling of being let down, how
that feels when we're let down by others,

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and what we can do about it. You know, we have these

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responsibilities. You know, everybody listening
to the show has all the stuff writing

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on them. People that are you
know, looking after you, people that

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you're looking after people, you have
to take care of, loads of responsibilities,

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loads of things to do, and
so when you're let down, it

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really hurts because it's something that you
entrusted in another person. You're hoping they

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could help you. You believed in
it, and then you're like, oh,

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how did this happen? And then
instead of seeing it in its normal

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realistic light, we usually see it
in a lot more stress, anger,

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resentment. And so on today's show, I'm trying to take away I'm trying

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to take some of the anger resentment
out of your life, make your life

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a lot easier, and we can
see things a little more clearly. Right,

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And why does this happen? Why
do people let us down? Well,

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the desire in the moment went away, you know, there was a

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desire to do it. They wanted
to do it, and then all of

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a sudden, the moment went away, and you know what, that same

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feeling and emotion went away as well, and then reality set in. Right,

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it was like, oh, yeah, yeah, we're gonna do this

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is gonna be awesome. No no, no, no no. And they

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get home and they go to bed, they we go, oh my god,

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I got all this stuff to do. This is crazy? How am

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I gonna get this to work?
And then reality and stress and anxiety set

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in and then there you go.
And that's something I've worked on really serious

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in my life, is like,
you know, am I doing that?

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Really? Can? You know,
no matter what situation it's in, no

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matter if you're on a bonfire hanging
out having you know, sangria. I'm

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gonna keep things in mind when somebody
asked me about something, because I don't

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want to be that person that says
I'm gonna do something and I don't do

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it. I don't want to be
looped in in that group. I don't

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want to be put into that group. Right. Also add ADHD that kind

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of sort of thing, and that's
a big deal, you know. I

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mean, you know, we have
those We have this stuff we want to

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do, but we just can't finish
it or we can't tackle it, or

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it seems that we just can't get
around to it. And it happens across

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the board with a lot of people. And so that's something that we need

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to recognize as well. That could
be kind of rearing its ugly ahead as

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well in a situation when somebody's letting
us down from something they said they were

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gonna help us with. What about
responsibilities? We all have these responsibilities.

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We all have things we have to
do. We all have, you know,

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things that happen out of the middle
of nowhere that we're like, oh

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my god, how does this happen? This is crazy? This is crazy?

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Why is this happening right now?
And it happens to the best of

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us, And that's understandable, but
we got to get to get a grip

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around it. Another concept, too, is the feeling of the need to

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have to do something. And you
know, that goes back to being able

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to say no, and that's hard, and that goes back to understanding what

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our responsibilities are and being able to
really, you know, is this my

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responsibility? Do I feel like I
have to do this? Why do I

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feel like I have to do this? If I feel like I have to

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do this, why do I have
resentment around it? If I feel like

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I have to do this? Why
do I feel that way? What is

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the thing that I have to do? Can other people do this? And

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then if I do, say yes, Okay, I'm gonna follow through with

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this, I'm gonna take care of
it. I mean, there's a lot

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of things going on, But I
think, in an effort to really understand,

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it's a good idea to flip the
script. What am I doing?

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How am I acting? Am I
stepping up to the plate and taking care

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of responsibilities? Am I when I
say yes? Do I show up?

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If I agree to do something?
Am I doing it? I mean?

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And that takes a deep dive to
really look at yourself honestly and say yes

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I am or no I'm not.
Because what I've realized too is that as

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long as my side of the road
is clean, my side of the street

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is clean, and we hear this
lot. As long as that's there,

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I feel okay, I don't you
know, it's kind of like, okay,

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this happened, and this person let
me down because it could and take

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care of it for whatever reason.
I can see it in a different light.

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But I also don't have any guilt
or shame on my side of not

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stepping up and doing what I said
I was going to do. And that's

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something that we really need to do
a checklist on ourselves. Are we following

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through and we say we're gonna do
something? Do we follow through with our

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responsibilities? Do we hold up to
our responsibilities. Do we hold up to

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our responsibilities? Do we do those
things? And you know, in the

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desire of doing things, do we
lose ourselves in the moment? You know?

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Do we make you know, plans
and take on things that we shouldn't

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take on? And these are questions
we have to think about. So we'll

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think about that. We're gonna think
about some other questions here when we return

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and really talk about this and analyze
the situation so we really understand we can

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also clean our side of the road, but also see and be able to

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process this better without taking it.
So personally, stay tuned Live your True

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Life Perspectives with your host Mediacity Burds
will be back in I'll be back this

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time in two shakes. This is
Jake Busey and you're listening to Perspectives with

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Ashley Burges. Welcome back Live to
Literaty Life Perspectives and I'm your host,

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Ashley Burgess. Feeling let down by
others. People say they're going to do

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something for you and they don't follow
through taking it. Personally, getting upset,

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having some resentment and anger. It's
normal. Doesn't mean it's healthy,

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but it's normal. So how do
we let go of those feelings of resentment

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and anger and how do we see
through that and how do we deal with

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things and process things and get things
to work out? Even then, I

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mean because we got to get around
it. We got to work around it,

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we got to find a work around, we got to communicate, we

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got to see what's happening, and
we also got to like, well,

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you know, there's a benefit of
the doubt. But understanding the human condition

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and psychology and understanding why people do
what they do is so important. And

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we've talked about the desire in the
moment, the add the ADHD, the

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responsibilities, the feeling they can you
have to do something, And right before

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the break, I was making the
comment about what are we doing in our

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own life? How are we handling
our own life? What are we doing?

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We need to do it? Check
up on that. And the first

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thing that I started working on years
ago was not jumping in in the desire

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in the moment to do something.
So like, in the moment when things

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were desirable and I was like,
oh, this is gonna be great,

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Oh my god, I literally stepped
back and said, okay, you usually

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agree to do something in this moment. Some of it. You do some

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of it, you don't. You
need to step back. When somebody asked

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you are you going to do it? You need to say, hey,

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I gotta really think about it.
You know, it sounds like a good

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idea right now, but let me
get back to you tomorrow and we'll kind

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of go from there. And I've
realized that that is a very very smart,

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responsible way of responding. In the
moment, you might feel like you

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have to, but the best thing
to do is to say that, because

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remember, if we agree to do
something and then not do it, it's

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a lot worse than saying, hey, I need to think about this.

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I can't jump on the panwagon right
now. Let me get back to you.

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I would also, right. I
mean, it's hard to hear that

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in the moment, and I think
hearing maybe and hearing no or things that

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we don't want to hear, right, But I would much rather hear a

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maybe from a person that's being honest
about their own responsibilities instead of a surefire

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yes that goes along with zip zero
nothing. Right. That's a big deal.

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And I think if you're able to
say, hey, maybe let me

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look, let me get back to
you, okay, Let me do some

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due diligence. And so when we're
not in the heat of the moment where

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everybody's having a couple of drinks and
we're watching the game and everything's fun,

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I tell you and agree to do
that in the moment. Instead of that,

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let me just take a break and
tomorrow the next day, I'll get

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back with you and I'll let you
know what I think. That's perfect.

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And I used to hate hearing that
because you're like, why, what do

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you mean you don't want to do
it? I mean, what's wrong?

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Come on? I mean, we're
all friends, we're besties. Were this

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for that? And it's like,
well, it's like it actually takes somebody

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that's more discerning, more responsible and
actually cares more about the friend to say

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this because they're actually thinking logically and
wanting to actually do the right thing instead

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of letting you down. And so
if we can take that in on our

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own life, if we can start
doing that in our own life. But

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I mean not just saying maybe and
then not following up. You know,

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that's a whole different story too.
That's avoidance. Well, let me get

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back to you and then you avoid
ignore Yet, not that we have to

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have a follow through on the back
end, and that can be hard too,

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because I know some of you you
don't want to say no. But

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isn't it worse not to say no? Isn't it worse to say yes and

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then to not show up? I
mean, it is what it is.

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But I mean I feel like this
is room for us all to be better

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humans, all to be better beings, all to be better spirit gods,

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and our effort to be more clear
and direct with people. I think this

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is really helpful. So think about
it. Are you agreeing to things that

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you don't need to agree to?
Are you agreeing things and then not following

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through? Or you could be the
person that agrees to things in the heat

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of the moment and then you make
yourself follow through. But you're angry about

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it, you have resentment about it, you're pissed off about it. And

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we don't want that either. Nobody
wants somebody, you know, doing something

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for them that they're pissed off about. I mean, that's the last thing

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you want. It's like having somebody
make you dinner and the whole time they're

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swearing and cussing, you know,
all they're making you dinner. I mean

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that's gonna make you probably pretty sick. I don't want that, you know,

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I just don't make dinner. I
mean, hell, go order out.

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I'll make my own dinner, you
know what I'm saying. So it's

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kind of like thinking about those types
of things and putting that in perspective and

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analyzing that situation and being able to
understand that situation clearly. And this is

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very important stuff to take into consideration. It's very important stuff to understand.

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When I was talking earlier about expectations
are overrated, they are. And so

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one of the things I realized is
like, if you think about all the

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reasons why people, hey, they're
going to do something and not, that

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helps you to offset the expectations.
Okay, hey, I know people are

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not gonna follow through. I know
that some people aren't because of these reasons.

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It's not a personal vendetta against me. It's not a personal cut,

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it's not a hey, screw you. It's just the way it is.

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So my expectations are not going to
be this high, and then I'm gonna

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be deflated like a popping of a
balloon. It's really like, well,

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hey, could I happen? Didn't
happen? And then when it does happen,

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Wow, that's pretty cool. When
it does happen, wow, that's

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awesome. I didn't expect that,
And I've realized that the more that I

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don't expect, the better off I
am. The more I don't expect,

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the better off I am, because
when somebody comes through, they come through.

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When they don't come through, they
don't come through. But I've also

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realized that the more that I come
through, the better I feel, because

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I find that we get really angry
at people don't follow through a lot more

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when we don't follow through either.
So we got to make sure our side

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of the road is clear. But
then there's a part where we got to

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get okay again too, because when
we're super following through, we're showing up

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on time, we're taking responsibility,
We're you know, we're showing up when

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we say we're going to show up. We're responsible for situations. When we're

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doing all that, it can be
a real let down when somebody doesn't do

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something for you. And so we
have to also realize that not everybody's in

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the same place, not everybody's in
the same thinking process, not everybody's in

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that same level of responsibilities. And
not everybody could listen to this show.

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Many people couldn't even take in this
content right now because it's above their head.

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00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:44.559
It's not even something they're thinking about. They're so stuck in their life

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00:25:44.599 --> 00:25:48.000
right now. They're so stuck and
whatever that looks like this doesn't. I

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00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:51.759
mean, they can't even grasp the
concept of doing a personal inventory on themselves

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00:25:51.799 --> 00:25:56.119
about whether they're following up with their
responsibilities. Right. So that's what I'm

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00:25:56.119 --> 00:25:59.400
saying, is that when we get
to that point where we go, hey,

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00:26:00.079 --> 00:26:03.799
I would rather be more content,
and so that maybe is a great

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00:26:03.799 --> 00:26:07.680
thing. And being able to accept
that maybe from others and even accepting them

403
00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:10.319
know, and even even asking people, hey, you know what, you

404
00:26:10.359 --> 00:26:11.440
don't have to agree to this.
Let me know if it's something you want

405
00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:15.359
to do or not do, great, just let me know. You know,

406
00:26:15.359 --> 00:26:18.039
I'm about to move here and I
haven't asked a soul to help me

407
00:26:18.119 --> 00:26:21.960
to move, but I've had three
people offered a move, help me move,

408
00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:23.720
which I thought was really nice,
and I said, I really appreciate

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00:26:23.720 --> 00:26:26.440
that. Let me get back to
you. I'll let you know if I

410
00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:30.480
need help, but I really appreciate
you just offering. I have not asked

411
00:26:30.519 --> 00:26:34.839
a soul for a reason because I
like to keep my friendships and I can

412
00:26:34.920 --> 00:26:38.359
hire a moving company. But at
the same time, it's really nice that

413
00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:42.960
people offered it, and I even
said, you don't have to offer this,

414
00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:45.599
and they even came back and said, no, I actually would like

415
00:26:45.640 --> 00:26:49.319
to help. And that's cool,
and they probably won't, but guess what,

416
00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:52.680
as far as I'm not going to
ask them to do anything, but

417
00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:56.400
it's cool that they actually cared enough
to offer it and even came back a

418
00:26:56.400 --> 00:26:57.960
second time and said, no,
I'm not just saying this out of my

419
00:26:59.160 --> 00:27:02.000
theory of feeling like I need to
do something for you. It's because I

420
00:27:02.039 --> 00:27:03.039
actually care, you know. I
mean, I know you'd do it for

421
00:27:03.079 --> 00:27:07.160
me. You could crap, So
I think that's very important. I think

422
00:27:07.160 --> 00:27:11.640
it's something that we have to look
at. The other thing that I'm asking

423
00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:14.039
to you is how much of this
can we do on our own. There's

424
00:27:14.039 --> 00:27:17.480
a lot of things that I think
we try to offset or get help from.

425
00:27:17.519 --> 00:27:18.359
Is there some stuff we can do
on our own? Is there some

426
00:27:18.359 --> 00:27:22.799
stuff that we can be proactive?
So if somebody let you down, is

427
00:27:22.839 --> 00:27:26.119
it something that you could have done? Is it something that you can still

428
00:27:26.160 --> 00:27:32.160
do. Question is it something that
somebody else can help you with? I

429
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:33.680
mean, there's a lot of different
things to think about. Also, when

430
00:27:33.720 --> 00:27:37.839
somebody lets you down, is it
really them that could have helped you?

431
00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:41.359
Or was that just another you know, because sometimes people are involved, but

432
00:27:41.400 --> 00:27:45.359
are they the right people to be
involved? Some people could be the absolute

433
00:27:45.440 --> 00:27:49.279
wrong people to be involved. They
can be the absolute wrong choice and actually

434
00:27:49.319 --> 00:27:53.200
cause more pain and suffering than necessary. And so them not showing up and

435
00:27:53.279 --> 00:27:59.640
not doing is a blessing in disguise? Could that be the situation? You

436
00:27:59.680 --> 00:28:02.799
know? I mean also you have
to ask yourself, if somebody has let

437
00:28:02.799 --> 00:28:06.079
you down over and over and over
and over again, what is your real

438
00:28:06.160 --> 00:28:11.559
relationship with this person? I mean, how do they really see the relationship?

439
00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:14.640
How do you see the relationship?
Because I think you got to take

440
00:28:14.640 --> 00:28:19.319
a step back. One you're asking
for too much or you're too needy,

441
00:28:19.559 --> 00:28:22.759
or two they just don't care,
They ain't doing anything for you. So

442
00:28:22.839 --> 00:28:26.599
you really have to look at both
sides of the coin. What's really happening,

443
00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:30.559
and if someone's constantly letting you down
or whatever, you really need to

444
00:28:30.559 --> 00:28:33.839
probably take a step back and analyze
because it's either they do that across the

445
00:28:33.880 --> 00:28:37.599
board, or this relationship is not
that important to them, and you need

446
00:28:37.640 --> 00:28:41.480
to start stop barking up that same
tree. It's like you're trying to prove

447
00:28:41.519 --> 00:28:44.839
a point. Okay, if somebody
has let you down over and over again,

448
00:28:45.079 --> 00:28:47.519
don't prove a point. It's not
a big deal. Just move on

449
00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:49.799
in your life. I mean,
it's like it's like, come on,

450
00:28:52.119 --> 00:28:55.680
you don't have to get all the
evidence to know something, you know.

451
00:28:55.759 --> 00:28:57.039
I mean, it's like it's like
in life. It's like if you feel

452
00:28:57.079 --> 00:29:00.519
something and you've seen it, you
feel it, you see you feel it,

453
00:29:00.519 --> 00:29:02.519
and it's constant, and you know, why do you have to keep

454
00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:03.799
going back try to figure it out
even more. It's like eventually, at

455
00:29:03.839 --> 00:29:07.839
some point in time, you got
to let it go and then that person

456
00:29:07.880 --> 00:29:10.119
may come around and they may not. But also, you know, are

457
00:29:10.160 --> 00:29:12.839
you asking too much from them?
Are you putting too much you know,

458
00:29:14.079 --> 00:29:17.599
uh, you know, pressure on
them, or quite the opposite. And

459
00:29:17.599 --> 00:29:19.960
this is the question. Usually it's
two way street. Sometimes it's not,

460
00:29:22.319 --> 00:29:23.559
and then you have to think about
when to move on. There's some people

461
00:29:23.559 --> 00:29:26.319
out there that you got to move
on from. You can't expect anything from

462
00:29:26.440 --> 00:29:32.039
they're not going to be able to
provide you anything, okay, And that's

463
00:29:32.079 --> 00:29:34.839
fine. They're not gonna be able
to provide you anything, and so you

464
00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:38.359
have to let that go. And
it's funny because there's some people that have

465
00:29:38.440 --> 00:29:41.799
you know that I that I have
let go, that I still reach out

466
00:29:41.799 --> 00:29:45.720
to and I still send nice messages
because I care, because I honestly love

467
00:29:45.720 --> 00:29:48.920
them, even though I don't love
their actions. I don't. I don't

468
00:29:49.119 --> 00:29:52.039
respect their actions, but I still
care about them. But they don't do

469
00:29:52.119 --> 00:29:56.279
anything back for me. And I
could sit there and say they haven't done

470
00:29:56.279 --> 00:29:57.799
anything for me. That's true,
but you know what, I don't.

471
00:29:57.839 --> 00:30:00.480
I try not to see it though. I actually work to be a better

472
00:30:00.519 --> 00:30:04.720
person than I was yesterday. And
that could be really hard when somebody is

473
00:30:04.759 --> 00:30:08.039
not nice with you, not pleasant
to you, and you're with them a

474
00:30:08.079 --> 00:30:11.759
happy birthday or you go out of
your way and say hey, congratulations or

475
00:30:11.799 --> 00:30:15.519
whatever, and you don't get a
response back because you know what, they

476
00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:21.440
are not there yet. They're not
at that place yet. They haven't gotten

477
00:30:21.480 --> 00:30:23.759
to that spiritual awakening yet to be
able to do that, and it might

478
00:30:23.799 --> 00:30:26.680
take a long time, and it
may take multiple lifetimes. For them to

479
00:30:26.680 --> 00:30:30.720
get there, and it doesn't matter
if they're twenty years older than you,

480
00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:34.440
it doesn't matter. You have to
begin to see things relatively and understand,

481
00:30:34.519 --> 00:30:37.720
hey, this stuff happens, and
if you want to, you know,

482
00:30:37.799 --> 00:30:40.839
you know, to me, it's
like, I'm gonna step up and take

483
00:30:40.839 --> 00:30:44.279
care of my responsibilities no matter what. If I agree to do something,

484
00:30:44.319 --> 00:30:48.200
I'll do it. But we have
to really realize when to move on from

485
00:30:48.599 --> 00:30:55.200
from depending on anybody else, depending
on others. You really have to ask

486
00:30:55.240 --> 00:31:00.279
yourself should I even be putting that
on this person? Is this relationship even

487
00:31:00.359 --> 00:31:03.680
capable of that? And then if
it's not capable of that, I mean,

488
00:31:03.720 --> 00:31:07.359
how much time he's spending with this? How close are you? And

489
00:31:07.400 --> 00:31:10.880
you probably need to take a step
back and really analyze what true friendship is.

490
00:31:10.920 --> 00:31:11.640
You know what I'm saying. I
mean, because I think a lot

491
00:31:11.680 --> 00:31:15.839
of times we get people carte blanc
on things. You can be an acquaintance

492
00:31:15.880 --> 00:31:18.640
with somebody, I mean, that's
totally cool. You can see somebody occasionally,

493
00:31:18.680 --> 00:31:22.720
but when you're a real friend of
somebody, you're a real friend of

494
00:31:22.759 --> 00:31:26.359
somebody. Also, on the other
side of the coin, when is the

495
00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:30.160
right time to wait and give somebody
the benefit of the doubt. I think

496
00:31:30.200 --> 00:31:36.200
that time exists a lot of times
too. And communication is key. You

497
00:31:36.240 --> 00:31:41.440
know, communication is key because if
we communicate with somebody, not in a

498
00:31:41.480 --> 00:31:45.240
negative way, not in an accusatory
way, but hey, you know,

499
00:31:45.440 --> 00:31:47.480
I know you said you were to
take care of that, you don't have

500
00:31:47.559 --> 00:31:49.240
to. You know, it'd be
great if you did. I get it.

501
00:31:49.440 --> 00:31:52.799
But you know what, let's talk
and if you don't want to do

502
00:31:52.839 --> 00:31:55.000
it, that's fine, But you
know, why did you say you want

503
00:31:55.039 --> 00:31:57.880
to do it. I'm not I'm
just asking. And having those deep conversations

504
00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:05.039
and be able to communicate at a
deep level is so powerful and so amazing

505
00:32:06.000 --> 00:32:08.279
because you finally get to have deep
conversations with people. You might not always

506
00:32:08.319 --> 00:32:15.559
agree with what they say, but
heck, we're different people. But if

507
00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:17.759
you can deep dive into that,
if you can deep dive into the conversations,

508
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:22.680
have those deep conversations, consults about
those deep conversations, ask the questions.

509
00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:28.200
Those are the things that really go
a long way to us even learning

510
00:32:28.240 --> 00:32:32.559
more about ourselves, but learning more
about the other people around us, and

511
00:32:32.680 --> 00:32:37.240
those things are very valuable. So
you know, when we're feeling let down.

512
00:32:37.559 --> 00:32:39.160
Why do we feel light down?
Are we taking it personally? We

513
00:32:39.240 --> 00:32:45.680
gotta stop taking it personally. One
Two. Are we letting anybody down?

514
00:32:45.880 --> 00:32:49.079
That's a big question. If we're
letting somebody down, we need to clean

515
00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:51.880
our side of the street. We
need to make sure we're taking care of

516
00:32:51.920 --> 00:32:58.279
business. That is really really important, because all of a sudden we realize

517
00:32:58.319 --> 00:33:00.240
if you know, when I know
that I'm doing the right thing thing,

518
00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:01.519
I know I'm doing the right thing, when I know that I'm working to

519
00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:05.240
be better than I was yesterday,
that's a good feeling. And that makes

520
00:33:05.279 --> 00:33:07.920
me feel good about progress in my
life, and that makes me feel better

521
00:33:07.960 --> 00:33:13.160
about who I am. And that's
what's so powerful. And you know,

522
00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:19.279
it's it's interesting because I've also realized
that having hate and having anger and having

523
00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:22.039
these feelings, it's just not it's
not good, it's not healthy, it's

524
00:33:22.039 --> 00:33:25.799
not a good thing, it's not
a powerful thing. It just brings us

525
00:33:25.839 --> 00:33:29.480
down. And so it's better just
to kind of let go of some of

526
00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:35.119
these real, kind of low vibrational
emotions and let people you know, it

527
00:33:35.519 --> 00:33:37.480
is what it is. And I
think we also find out more of just

528
00:33:37.559 --> 00:33:40.680
who we are and who we really
connect with better. It's not about it's

529
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:44.200
about who do we really connect with
better? I mean, there's a billion

530
00:33:44.319 --> 00:33:47.079
billions of people out there. You
can connect with lots of people. Who

531
00:33:47.119 --> 00:33:50.519
are you? You know, who
do you really connect with? Who do

532
00:33:50.559 --> 00:33:57.240
you really understand and who really understands
you? And that's really what it boils

533
00:33:57.279 --> 00:34:00.759
down to, right, I mean, that's really the of it all.

534
00:34:00.799 --> 00:34:04.920
That's it. You know, who
do you really connect with? Who do

535
00:34:05.119 --> 00:34:07.039
you connect with? And this is
some powerful stuff, and it's some stuff

536
00:34:07.079 --> 00:34:12.320
that we really need to kind of
think about it and engage in and understand.

537
00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:16.079
And it's powerful. It's powerful.
And when we're able to understand that,

538
00:34:16.599 --> 00:34:21.320
we're better able to understand our lives, the people in our lives lives,

539
00:34:22.400 --> 00:34:24.880
but we're also able to understand any
sort of issues that we're dealing with.

540
00:34:24.960 --> 00:34:28.800
And that is what we need to
get to. That is the direction

541
00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:31.039
of where we need to go.
So when I return, I'll be giving

542
00:34:31.119 --> 00:34:35.400
some more nuggets of wisdom than thoughts
to think about some things that you can

543
00:34:35.440 --> 00:34:38.719
analyze and that will be helpful for
us to really process this and be able

544
00:34:38.800 --> 00:34:44.840
to not feel so personally hurt when
somebody lets us down. Stay tuned Live

545
00:34:44.880 --> 00:34:49.280
your True Life Perspectives with your host
Mediacley Burdens. Will be back in I'll

546
00:34:49.280 --> 00:34:51.920
be back this time, you know
it. I'll be back this time in

547
00:34:51.960 --> 00:35:13.920
two shakes. Get in here.
You're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

548
00:35:15.400 --> 00:35:20.039
Welcome back Live to look Ature Life
Perspectives and I'm your host Ashley Burgess.

549
00:35:20.400 --> 00:35:22.800
On today's show, I've been talking
about being let down by others and dealing

550
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:25.360
with it, how to process it, how to deal with it, how

551
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:29.159
to understand it, and how to
move on. You know, I think

552
00:35:29.159 --> 00:35:30.800
it's very interesting when we think about
the concept, you know, we've let

553
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:35.239
down others, they've let us down, and really working at clean ours side

554
00:35:35.239 --> 00:35:37.199
of the road, clean ours side
of the street, to make sure that

555
00:35:37.199 --> 00:35:39.119
we're not letting other people down.
I think that goes a long way.

556
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:44.159
I also believe that, you know, through this process, we learn more

557
00:35:44.159 --> 00:35:46.719
about ourselves. It makes us really
think about what we're doing. It puts

558
00:35:46.760 --> 00:35:51.960
the burden back on us to really
analyze are we coming to the table and

559
00:35:52.079 --> 00:35:54.559
our best form? Are we coming
to the table and our best version of

560
00:35:54.599 --> 00:35:59.440
ourselves? And that's very helpful as
well. But also looking at there some

561
00:35:59.480 --> 00:36:01.360
things that we can be doing on
our own to take care of things that

562
00:36:01.400 --> 00:36:05.440
we need to take care of.
Are we sometimes asking other people to help

563
00:36:05.519 --> 00:36:07.679
us, Well, we really don't
need their help, but I don't want

564
00:36:07.719 --> 00:36:10.239
to just be that person that does
everything and has no help from others.

565
00:36:10.239 --> 00:36:14.760
That's definitely not what I'm advising,
But I am advising that we start looking

566
00:36:14.840 --> 00:36:17.039
at that, analyzing the situation and
making sure that well, you know,

567
00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:20.440
we're taking care of what we need
to take care of, we're coming to

568
00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:23.079
the plate and dealing with things,
but also we're coming in our most powerful

569
00:36:23.159 --> 00:36:29.199
version of ourselves. Sometimes I believe
that we underestimate our ability, we question

570
00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:32.960
our ability. So making sure that
we're empowering ourselves sometimes pushing ourselves out of

571
00:36:32.960 --> 00:36:37.880
the comfort zone, you know,
having ourselves out of that comfort zone,

572
00:36:37.679 --> 00:36:39.679
and actually saying, Okay, these
are things that I don't really understand how

573
00:36:39.679 --> 00:36:43.679
to do, or it's not the
easiest of things for me to do,

574
00:36:43.719 --> 00:36:45.719
but I'm still gonna do it.
I'm still going to practice and I'm still

575
00:36:45.760 --> 00:36:51.280
going to work at it to be
the best version of myself. And I

576
00:36:51.360 --> 00:36:54.320
think also, you know, analyzing
these relationships and also analyzing the things we

577
00:36:54.400 --> 00:36:58.199
need, you know, are there
things that we can come to the table.

578
00:36:58.239 --> 00:37:00.239
Are there some things that we can
spread our ring with and really understand

579
00:37:00.280 --> 00:37:05.559
better and to really develop a sense
of self even better than we were before.

580
00:37:06.559 --> 00:37:08.039
And those are the things that we
want to question. Those are the

581
00:37:08.039 --> 00:37:10.920
things that we want to analyze.
Those are the personal things that we can

582
00:37:10.960 --> 00:37:15.400
start thinking about ourselves. You know, it's not just why did somebody let

583
00:37:15.440 --> 00:37:17.000
me down? But have I let
somebody down in the past, How did

584
00:37:17.000 --> 00:37:20.800
it affect me? Why did I
do that? Oh? Well, I

585
00:37:20.840 --> 00:37:22.239
did it because I made I said
I was going to do something. I

586
00:37:22.320 --> 00:37:27.119
hadn't thought about it completely all the
way through, and instead I should have

587
00:37:27.199 --> 00:37:29.079
said it maybe, or I should
have said, hey, let me get

588
00:37:29.119 --> 00:37:30.320
back to you and let me try
to process that. But I didn't.

589
00:37:30.360 --> 00:37:35.280
And so there's a lot of things
about maybe being people pleasing or maybe codependent

590
00:37:35.320 --> 00:37:37.440
in that action. I want to
make everybody happy around me. I want

591
00:37:37.440 --> 00:37:42.000
everybody to like me. That type
of thing is also something that we have

592
00:37:42.079 --> 00:37:45.679
to analyze as well. If you
haven't already, please check out our YouTube

593
00:37:45.800 --> 00:37:51.559
channel. Go to YouTube and put
in Ashley Burgess Life Coach Ashley Burgess.

594
00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:54.639
Our channel will pop up, and
if you haven't already, please subscribe to

595
00:37:54.679 --> 00:37:59.639
our channel because if you subscribe to
the channel, you get you know,

596
00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:02.960
alerts to let you know that we
have new video content out. You can

597
00:38:04.000 --> 00:38:07.440
also be a member of the channel
as well for you know, just really

598
00:38:07.480 --> 00:38:13.280
cool content, like long form explanation
content on things that really go a deep

599
00:38:13.320 --> 00:38:17.519
dive into psychological issues, you know, just really kind of analyzing a situation

600
00:38:17.639 --> 00:38:22.199
really in depth so we can really
understand it. Because it takes real in

601
00:38:22.239 --> 00:38:27.239
depth conversations to really understand things.
It takes real in depth conversations to really

602
00:38:27.239 --> 00:38:30.679
be able to wrap your brain around
something as well. And it's really dedicated

603
00:38:30.719 --> 00:38:35.920
to really having that deep dive conversation
and not you know, not just like

604
00:38:36.719 --> 00:38:39.639
just easy kind of surface. It's
about that deep dive conversation to really get

605
00:38:39.679 --> 00:38:45.079
the answers that we need. Also
check out the website Ashley Burgess dot com

606
00:38:45.199 --> 00:38:47.599
Ashley Burgess dot com. We also
have Facebook, Ashley Burgess. Check out

607
00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:52.039
our Facebook. Be a part of
the Facebook. Also Instagram as well and

608
00:38:52.119 --> 00:38:55.119
TikTok, so we're all part of
those as well. So join the family

609
00:38:55.199 --> 00:39:00.400
connect, we'll follow back and definitely, you know, any sort of comments

610
00:39:00.440 --> 00:39:04.360
and questions or thoughts we'd love to
hear from you as well. So in

611
00:39:04.400 --> 00:39:07.559
the meantime, there's a reason behind
everything. Sometimes it's a great reason,

612
00:39:07.639 --> 00:39:12.280
sometimes it's not. Sometimes we have
to look within ourselves to understand how we

613
00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:16.519
got there. Sometimes it's about really
analyzing our own dedication, our own determination,

614
00:39:16.920 --> 00:39:21.000
and our own way of thinking.
And we can all go our own

615
00:39:21.039 --> 00:39:22.960
way and do our own thing and
in the process meet other people that are

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00:39:23.000 --> 00:39:27.679
going their own way and doing their
own thing, and we have something in

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00:39:27.719 --> 00:39:31.679
common. And that's what's special about
life is finding those folks in common that

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00:39:31.719 --> 00:39:36.559
you have things in common, connecting
with those people, establishing you know,

619
00:39:36.679 --> 00:39:40.039
deep friendships, and really being able
to cultivate those and harvest those in a

620
00:39:40.079 --> 00:39:45.840
powerful way where you can actually,
you know, be happy and really care

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00:39:45.880 --> 00:39:50.960
about other people, care about their
success, you know, be the cheerleader

622
00:39:51.440 --> 00:39:53.320
and really feel good about that.
And I think once you get to that

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00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:57.800
level, it's like life becomes a
lot easier in the fact that you really

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00:39:57.840 --> 00:40:00.599
care about other people. You're doing
the best you can, trying to be

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00:40:00.639 --> 00:40:04.599
at the best level of yourself possible
in order to be that way, and

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00:40:04.599 --> 00:40:07.760
that's really powerful. So stay tuned. We've got more shows coming up for

627
00:40:07.800 --> 00:40:10.880
you, lots of things coming out, more interviews coming up, more video

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00:40:10.920 --> 00:40:15.639
content on YouTube, and if you
have any thoughts or questions, go to

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00:40:15.719 --> 00:40:20.239
Ashleyburgess dot com click on that contact
page and send me a message and I'll

630
00:40:20.239 --> 00:40:23.679
get back to you in a few
days with a response and appreciate you listening.

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00:40:23.719 --> 00:40:27.400
Please share with family and friends or
anybody that you feel has been let

632
00:40:27.440 --> 00:40:30.519
down and also this can really help
to go a long way to soothing those

633
00:40:30.559 --> 00:40:35.559
feelings, but to making someone feel
better and analyzing and realizing there's a reason

634
00:40:35.599 --> 00:40:38.920
for it and it wasn't just something
against me. Stay tuned, more coming

635
00:40:39.000 --> 00:40:43.559
up. Thanks for listening to the
show. Please share it with others Literature

636
00:40:43.559 --> 00:40:45.440
life perspectives with your host me,
Ashley Burgess, will be back in I'll

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00:40:45.480 --> 00:40:47.840
be back this time well you know
it in three shakes.