WEBVTT
1
00:00:06.679 --> 00:00:09.199
You're in a good place now. You are listening to
2
00:00:09.279 --> 00:00:12.640
Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.
3
00:00:13.880 --> 00:00:16.039
Welcome back Live to Live Your True Life Perspectives and
4
00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:17.879
I'm your host, Ashley Burgess.
5
00:00:18.960 --> 00:00:21.800
New Year's Eve, New Year's Eve.
6
00:00:21.679 --> 00:00:27.079
Day, and New Year's Eve Night a very interesting twenty
7
00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:30.920
four hours in the calendar. And some of you love it,
8
00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:34.799
you revere it, You can't wait to December thirty first,
9
00:00:35.679 --> 00:00:38.560
while others of you hate it, can't stand it, wish
10
00:00:38.600 --> 00:00:41.600
the day was erased off the calendar completely, and we
11
00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:46.759
start with January one. And I understand, and I'm somewhere
12
00:00:46.920 --> 00:00:50.719
in the middle. I used to love it, revere it. Oh,
13
00:00:50.840 --> 00:00:53.640
we couldn't have enough parties, we couldn't have enough people.
14
00:00:53.679 --> 00:00:56.079
It's going to be a blast. It's amazing. We're gonna
15
00:00:56.119 --> 00:00:59.640
have so much fun. But then that changes over time,
16
00:01:00.280 --> 00:01:04.920
and as it changes over time, things change, and schedules change,
17
00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:10.680
and people's plans change, and all those things happen. And
18
00:01:10.680 --> 00:01:12.079
one of the things that I think that many of
19
00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:14.920
us deal with is the stress and anxiety from what
20
00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:18.519
happened last year. So maybe there were some plans that
21
00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:21.400
you had last year that were supposed to happen and
22
00:01:21.640 --> 00:01:25.280
come into fruition and they did not, and that could
23
00:01:25.280 --> 00:01:29.120
be really challenging as well, because you remember the disappointments,
24
00:01:29.200 --> 00:01:33.159
the expectations that happened last year, and you remember it
25
00:01:33.239 --> 00:01:37.359
all go to shit. I remember back last year, it
26
00:01:37.400 --> 00:01:41.120
wasn't a horrible New Year's Eve, but it definitely was
27
00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:45.280
not the best New Year's Eve. And it was interesting
28
00:01:45.319 --> 00:01:48.079
because everything had been planned, and it had been planned
29
00:01:48.120 --> 00:01:51.000
for like six weeks, and I even had friends that
30
00:01:51.120 --> 00:01:53.920
called me initially to set up the plans. They wanted
31
00:01:53.959 --> 00:01:57.519
to do this, and so I went and got the reservations. Actually,
32
00:01:57.519 --> 00:01:59.920
you know, I actually went and checked the restaurant, you know,
33
00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:02.519
hours before, to make sure the table that they had
34
00:02:02.599 --> 00:02:03.280
us sat at.
35
00:02:03.319 --> 00:02:04.719
All this stuff. We were going to go to a
36
00:02:04.760 --> 00:02:06.000
party after.
37
00:02:05.959 --> 00:02:08.319
That one couple had been invited to that had invited
38
00:02:08.360 --> 00:02:11.719
everybody else and it was going to be four couples,
39
00:02:12.599 --> 00:02:15.439
eight people total, and things were all great.
40
00:02:15.479 --> 00:02:16.680
Everything was great.
41
00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:21.120
Until the thirtieth and one couple had just gotten back
42
00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:24.520
in from out of town, and unfortunately they had gotten
43
00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:29.319
COVID coming back. And I understand that, but you know,
44
00:02:29.400 --> 00:02:31.719
it's unfortunate and you feel bad, and they were definitely
45
00:02:31.800 --> 00:02:35.960
down for the count fevers in bed, feeling horrible. But
46
00:02:36.080 --> 00:02:37.719
we you know, you look back and you go, Okay,
47
00:02:37.800 --> 00:02:39.479
I hope you all get better. But we have, you know,
48
00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:41.719
six people that are gonna have fun. And one of
49
00:02:41.759 --> 00:02:44.280
the couples that was obviously still going was you know,
50
00:02:44.479 --> 00:02:46.800
had this great party after that they were invited to you,
51
00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:49.000
and you know, they had told the hosts that, you know,
52
00:02:49.039 --> 00:02:50.639
we would all be going, and so that was going
53
00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:54.120
to be super good, super fun, and so I was
54
00:02:54.159 --> 00:02:56.800
looking forward to that. One of the couples called me
55
00:02:56.840 --> 00:02:58.280
and said, hey, we can't wait, can't wait.
56
00:02:58.159 --> 00:02:58.680
To see you.
57
00:02:59.319 --> 00:03:02.400
And about four thirty five o'clock in the afternoon, I
58
00:03:02.439 --> 00:03:06.719
get a text from one person saying, I'm sorry, we're
59
00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:08.360
not going to be able to make it. You know,
60
00:03:08.639 --> 00:03:12.240
our dog got sick. You know, actually her husband's dog
61
00:03:12.319 --> 00:03:14.599
got sick, and they're not going to be able to
62
00:03:14.599 --> 00:03:17.800
make it. And so it's hours before literally the reservations
63
00:03:17.800 --> 00:03:21.159
were at seven thirty, and I said, hey, is there
64
00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:23.439
any way to get around it. I mean, I love animals,
65
00:03:23.479 --> 00:03:25.840
I love dogs. I get it, you know, And apparently
66
00:03:25.879 --> 00:03:28.039
the dog had been ill for the last few days,
67
00:03:28.199 --> 00:03:32.199
and I understand that, but it was just very challenging
68
00:03:32.280 --> 00:03:34.919
because now we're down to four and now that the
69
00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:38.599
you know, the the party invitation, it's still there, but
70
00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:40.840
it's not the same when you go to someone's house
71
00:03:40.879 --> 00:03:41.919
and they don't really know you.
72
00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:43.639
So that's not really going to work out.
73
00:03:43.719 --> 00:03:47.159
So now we're down to the eating, and that's really
74
00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:48.599
it because I don't want to go to someone's house
75
00:03:48.599 --> 00:03:50.280
I don't really know, not that I don't make friends
76
00:03:50.360 --> 00:03:52.240
very easily and everything, but again, it's just kind of
77
00:03:52.240 --> 00:03:55.759
odd on New Year's and it was really kind of challenging,
78
00:03:55.800 --> 00:03:57.479
and we all made the best out of it, but
79
00:03:57.599 --> 00:04:01.080
we ended up going home early, around ten thirty after dinner,
80
00:04:01.319 --> 00:04:02.000
called it a night.
81
00:04:03.000 --> 00:04:05.000
And you look back at a lot of.
82
00:04:04.960 --> 00:04:08.639
These years and a lot of these years, there are disappointments.
83
00:04:08.680 --> 00:04:11.960
There is you know, stress, you know, like getting that
84
00:04:12.039 --> 00:04:14.120
text message and saying, hey, you know, if you can
85
00:04:14.159 --> 00:04:16.279
really you know, double check rechecking, I'd love to have
86
00:04:16.279 --> 00:04:17.839
you for dinner, even if we just go to dinner
87
00:04:17.839 --> 00:04:20.199
and y'all head home, you know, And that didn't change,
88
00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:22.360
And so it becomes challenging. And I know that many
89
00:04:22.399 --> 00:04:24.800
of you out there have gone through the same You've
90
00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:27.920
gone through the same anxiety and stress on New Year's
91
00:04:27.959 --> 00:04:30.240
trying to make it the best day possible. Going through
92
00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:33.000
the process, things fall through the cracks, and the next thing,
93
00:04:33.000 --> 00:04:35.959
you know, you're just desperate, you know, having another drink
94
00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:37.319
and saying, when is it going to be?
95
00:04:37.480 --> 00:04:39.120
January first? Already?
96
00:04:39.839 --> 00:04:41.759
And I think a lot of the reasons why we
97
00:04:41.839 --> 00:04:46.560
feel this way is, first off, December thirty first has
98
00:04:46.680 --> 00:04:47.639
too much hype.
99
00:04:48.240 --> 00:04:51.079
It has way too much hype. You know.
100
00:04:51.360 --> 00:04:54.639
The hype is you know, off the charts, and it's
101
00:04:54.680 --> 00:04:58.160
it's hard because you really can't ever get it right.
102
00:04:59.079 --> 00:05:01.160
And I've had experience on New Year's back in the
103
00:05:01.199 --> 00:05:04.160
day when I was younger and having a lot more fun,
104
00:05:05.079 --> 00:05:07.319
you know, and there were fun times, there were great times,
105
00:05:07.879 --> 00:05:11.639
but even then, you know, you know, the morning comes around,
106
00:05:11.839 --> 00:05:13.240
you wake up, you know, you go to bed, you
107
00:05:13.240 --> 00:05:15.879
wake up, you feel bad. You know, you go into
108
00:05:15.959 --> 00:05:19.600
January first not feeling that great and starting the new
109
00:05:19.720 --> 00:05:23.360
year kind of well, a little out of sorts. And
110
00:05:23.399 --> 00:05:25.879
so I find that the hype makes a lot of
111
00:05:25.959 --> 00:05:30.279
us over drink, over party, you know, a lot of
112
00:05:30.319 --> 00:05:32.560
you stay out longer or drink more than you ever
113
00:05:32.600 --> 00:05:34.959
would if it was just some you know, other day.
114
00:05:36.439 --> 00:05:38.959
And I think that's a big problem that.
115
00:05:38.920 --> 00:05:42.800
Kind of comes along with December thirty first, And I
116
00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:44.800
think that some people you know have troubles during the
117
00:05:44.839 --> 00:05:47.600
holiday season already because it can be challenging. Maybe you're
118
00:05:47.639 --> 00:05:49.920
not with your family, or you just lost a loved one,
119
00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:52.000
or you just lost a spouse, or you just went
120
00:05:52.040 --> 00:05:52.759
through a divorce.
121
00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:56.160
Whatever the case may be, it might be challenging.
122
00:05:56.480 --> 00:05:59.639
And then we end it on this overly hyped up,
123
00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:02.439
it's supposed to be amazing day that for many people
124
00:06:02.759 --> 00:06:05.560
just does not pay off that way. It just doesn't
125
00:06:05.600 --> 00:06:08.360
work that way. And so how do we overcome that?
126
00:06:08.480 --> 00:06:10.360
How do we get past that? How do we get
127
00:06:10.399 --> 00:06:14.879
past falling for this hype? How do we get past
128
00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:18.920
overvaluing this one night a year? How do we stop
129
00:06:18.959 --> 00:06:24.000
doing that in order to better our lives? How do
130
00:06:24.079 --> 00:06:27.160
we stop doing that in order to better ourselves? How
131
00:06:27.160 --> 00:06:30.120
do we stop doing that to have a better year
132
00:06:30.279 --> 00:06:34.240
coming into the very next day? And that's what I
133
00:06:34.319 --> 00:06:37.040
think needs to be on our hierarchy is that what
134
00:06:37.199 --> 00:06:37.399
you know?
135
00:06:37.639 --> 00:06:39.800
What is our hierarchy of needs? You know?
136
00:06:39.879 --> 00:06:46.079
And how do we create and facilitate the best situation?
137
00:06:47.360 --> 00:06:49.279
And I think a lot of times our energy in
138
00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:51.680
these situations are all placed on the wrong places, the
139
00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:55.519
wrong things, the wrong situations, the wrong spaces. It's just
140
00:06:55.639 --> 00:06:58.959
our energy is not placed properly. Our energy is placed
141
00:06:58.959 --> 00:07:01.839
into things that maybe we can control, maybe we can't control.
142
00:07:01.879 --> 00:07:05.040
Our energy is misplaced in many levels. Our energy is
143
00:07:05.079 --> 00:07:09.480
misplaced in the things that well, quite frankly, our hype.
144
00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:13.720
It is stuff that we can never really attain and
145
00:07:13.759 --> 00:07:16.199
if we even do attain. And I've had a few
146
00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:19.279
New Years that got close to you know, it was wow,
147
00:07:19.399 --> 00:07:21.839
it was wild. There's always something though, it's like it's
148
00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:24.160
like a roads, it's got thorns. There's always a problem.
149
00:07:24.160 --> 00:07:27.040
There's always something. But it was closer to being less
150
00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:29.959
problems and more problems. But then that also leads to
151
00:07:29.959 --> 00:07:33.240
another situation too, because then you start judging and comparing
152
00:07:33.720 --> 00:07:36.360
every other New Year's to that one that was amazing,
153
00:07:36.439 --> 00:07:38.639
and you can't ever get there. So it's like that
154
00:07:38.639 --> 00:07:42.000
that comparison also is a problem that we have to
155
00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:44.680
You look back and you go, oh, man, I remember,
156
00:07:45.160 --> 00:07:47.839
you know New Year's you know, twenty twelve was the
157
00:07:47.839 --> 00:07:48.680
best of my life.
158
00:07:48.720 --> 00:07:49.560
That was so amazing.
159
00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:52.000
We had so much fun and we all did this
160
00:07:52.040 --> 00:07:53.560
and that it was so much and then you like,
161
00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:56.800
compare every single year, and every year is gonna fall short.
162
00:07:58.000 --> 00:08:00.120
Every year is gonna fall short compared to that. So
163
00:08:00.120 --> 00:08:02.519
if we compare it, that's going to be a problem.
164
00:08:02.600 --> 00:08:04.600
And I think a lot of us are dealing with fomo.
165
00:08:04.759 --> 00:08:07.959
I think fomo is huge. You know, the fear of
166
00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:11.439
missing out, the fear of missing out, the fear of
167
00:08:11.480 --> 00:08:14.959
missing out on the big party, the big plans, all
168
00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:17.959
the fun. You know, like everybody else is gonna have
169
00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:19.839
all this fun, and I'm not gonna have this fun.
170
00:08:19.879 --> 00:08:21.720
If I stay home, I'm the only person on the
171
00:08:21.759 --> 00:08:25.600
planet that's staying home for New Year's Eve. If I
172
00:08:25.639 --> 00:08:27.680
don't drink, I'm the only person on the planet that's
173
00:08:27.720 --> 00:08:30.639
not drinking. You know, it's all these thoughts, Oh, all
174
00:08:30.680 --> 00:08:32.720
these people are gonna have all this fun, all these
175
00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:35.519
people are going to experience all this What about me.
176
00:08:35.759 --> 00:08:38.080
I'm not going to experience that, Oh my gosh.
177
00:08:38.120 --> 00:08:39.000
And I get it.
178
00:08:40.039 --> 00:08:43.440
The fear of missing out is a huge thing when
179
00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:48.000
it comes to the human condition, and we fear that
180
00:08:48.360 --> 00:08:50.799
on many levels, not just New Year's right. The fear
181
00:08:50.799 --> 00:08:55.000
of missing out is like every party, relationships that you
182
00:08:55.039 --> 00:08:56.840
think are better than you, and you know, your husband
183
00:08:56.960 --> 00:08:58.919
or your wife or your you know, your significant other.
184
00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:00.360
You know, you look at other people and you, oh, gosh,
185
00:09:00.399 --> 00:09:02.159
they must have the best relationship in the world. I'm
186
00:09:02.159 --> 00:09:07.360
missing out, you know. The fear of missing out. And
187
00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:11.200
New Year's Eve, I think is the pinnacle of fomo.
188
00:09:12.200 --> 00:09:15.519
It's the pinnacle of pomo because everybody's like, oh wow,
189
00:09:15.559 --> 00:09:17.120
what are they doing? You look on Instagram and you
190
00:09:17.200 --> 00:09:19.879
see somebody partying at a big party and Aspen, you know,
191
00:09:19.960 --> 00:09:23.519
and the drinks are flowing and the champagne's going and
192
00:09:23.559 --> 00:09:27.600
everything's going on, and it looks fabulous. You see, you know,
193
00:09:27.639 --> 00:09:31.080
people you know partying Dubai people party in here, people
194
00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:33.759
partying there, taking private jets all over the place, and
195
00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:36.000
you're like, wow, you know, that's the life.
196
00:09:36.759 --> 00:09:37.200
And then you.
197
00:09:37.159 --> 00:09:39.919
Compare that to you, Well, here I am. I'm in
198
00:09:40.000 --> 00:09:42.480
town trying to get a few people together. I already
199
00:09:42.480 --> 00:09:44.639
had a few people cancel. You know what am I
200
00:09:44.679 --> 00:09:46.320
going to do? What is this New Year's going to
201
00:09:46.399 --> 00:09:48.639
look like? Compared to other people's New Years? And I
202
00:09:48.679 --> 00:09:50.600
think it's not just the New Year's thing. It's not
203
00:09:50.679 --> 00:09:53.840
just like, oh my god, my New Year's party. You
204
00:09:53.879 --> 00:09:58.720
start like the Pomo starts to kind of kind of
205
00:09:58.759 --> 00:10:02.639
go over into next year, like, oh, if this is
206
00:10:02.679 --> 00:10:04.679
the way that my New Year's Eve is going to be,
207
00:10:04.799 --> 00:10:07.279
you know, you know, how is my year going to be?
208
00:10:07.360 --> 00:10:09.279
Is this gonna get better? Is this gonna get worse?
209
00:10:09.399 --> 00:10:11.840
How are things gonna work out for me? And it's hard,
210
00:10:13.360 --> 00:10:18.240
It really is hard to overcome that, FOMO. And I
211
00:10:18.240 --> 00:10:20.240
mean I had it last year a little bit because
212
00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:23.519
I was really disappointed. You know, the people that actually
213
00:10:23.840 --> 00:10:26.120
you know, canceled were the ones that pushed me into
214
00:10:26.200 --> 00:10:28.720
basically getting the reservations because I was thinking about just
215
00:10:28.759 --> 00:10:31.720
staying home and so, you know, you know, it's okay,
216
00:10:31.759 --> 00:10:34.679
it's fine, and then I invited another couple who was
217
00:10:34.759 --> 00:10:37.480
who was happy to come along as well. But it's
218
00:10:37.519 --> 00:10:40.440
hard when you find that out that information and other
219
00:10:40.480 --> 00:10:42.600
people are you know, hoping for you know, you know,
220
00:10:42.720 --> 00:10:44.679
quite the gathering as at least at least eight people
221
00:10:44.679 --> 00:10:47.240
at the table that people can communicate with and conversate
222
00:10:47.279 --> 00:10:50.039
and all that, which is great, and it turns into four.
223
00:10:50.480 --> 00:10:55.159
Not that that's a problem, but again it's expectations and
224
00:10:55.200 --> 00:10:55.919
that's a problem.
225
00:10:55.919 --> 00:10:57.080
And it's interesting too.
226
00:10:56.960 --> 00:10:59.360
Because you know, a few of those people that canceled
227
00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:01.720
last year are reaching out again this year, and I'm
228
00:11:01.759 --> 00:11:04.679
pretty gun shy honestly, because I don't I don't really
229
00:11:04.720 --> 00:11:06.320
want to go through that again. I don't want to
230
00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:08.120
deal with that again. It's definitely not something I want
231
00:11:08.159 --> 00:11:10.720
to deal with. However, you know, I will, you know,
232
00:11:10.799 --> 00:11:12.519
reach back out and see what that looks like. But
233
00:11:12.519 --> 00:11:15.519
I'm also thinking, should I just be in charge of
234
00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:17.960
my own domain? Should I just pick something that I
235
00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:21.039
want to do, make it happen, be cool with that,
236
00:11:21.159 --> 00:11:23.799
and move on, you know. And I was also thinking too,
237
00:11:23.960 --> 00:11:26.120
you know, I might just go out and do something
238
00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:29.919
on the first. I might change my entire situation around
239
00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:33.039
and look at life in a different manner and do
240
00:11:33.159 --> 00:11:37.360
something you know, very cool on the first that compliments
241
00:11:37.559 --> 00:11:41.279
and and and really inspires for my new year. And
242
00:11:41.320 --> 00:11:43.039
I think that that could also be a way that
243
00:11:43.080 --> 00:11:47.480
we take the energy off the fear of missing out,