Nov. 22, 2024

Is the Narcissist Baiting You? [Ep.779]

Is the Narcissist Baiting You? [Ep.779]

Narcissists have a unique ability to manipulate and trigger you to get the supply they crave, often without you even realizing it's happening. This powerful form of manipulation can leave you feeling out of control, as they repeatedly push your...

Apple Podcasts podcast player iconSpotify podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player icon
Apple Podcasts podcast player iconSpotify podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player icon

Narcissists have a unique ability to manipulate and trigger you to get the supply they crave, often without you even realizing it's happening. This powerful form of manipulation can leave you feeling out of control, as they repeatedly push your buttons and bait you into doing things you would not normally do. This narcissistic tactic is used to control and find fault with you. In today’s episode, we’ll dive deep into narcissistic manipulation and emotional abuse and explore steps you can take to recognize it and overcome it.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-ashley-berges-show--1272964/support.

WEBVTT

1
00:00:06.679 --> 00:00:09.199
You're in a good place now. You are listening to

2
00:00:09.279 --> 00:00:11.279
Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

3
00:00:13.519 --> 00:00:15.839
Welcome back live to look Ature life Perspectives and I'm

4
00:00:15.880 --> 00:00:18.600
your host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I'd like to

5
00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:22.359
discuss narcissism and how they trigger you to get supply.

6
00:00:23.000 --> 00:00:24.600
And many of you might not be aware of the

7
00:00:24.640 --> 00:00:28.559
situation and circumstances around this, but this works very effectively

8
00:00:28.600 --> 00:00:31.079
when somebody's trying to manipulate you, to get you out

9
00:00:31.079 --> 00:00:35.000
of control, to push your buttons, to do things repetitively

10
00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:37.880
in the essence of abating you. And these are the

11
00:00:37.880 --> 00:00:40.439
problems that we're having in the situations that many people

12
00:00:40.439 --> 00:00:42.560
are dealing with, and you don't know what to do,

13
00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:45.399
so you get stuck in the situation where the person

14
00:00:45.600 --> 00:00:48.600
is really trying to push all of your buttons in

15
00:00:48.759 --> 00:00:52.399
essence of trying to literally trigger you to do something

16
00:00:52.439 --> 00:00:57.880
that you wouldn't obviously do under normal circumstances. And this

17
00:00:58.039 --> 00:01:03.000
is used very effectively by many narcissists to control you,

18
00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:06.799
to be able to find fault with you, to be

19
00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:10.400
able to put you down. And if you're dealing with

20
00:01:10.439 --> 00:01:13.000
the situation, some of you might not even realize what's

21
00:01:13.040 --> 00:01:16.159
really happening. You may actually start feeling bad. The person

22
00:01:16.239 --> 00:01:19.519
may push you to believe that they're the victim. Oh,

23
00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:21.560
you do all this stuff to me. You don't care

24
00:01:21.640 --> 00:01:23.879
about me, you don't care about this, you don't care

25
00:01:23.920 --> 00:01:26.879
about that, And in the process, you begin to buy

26
00:01:26.959 --> 00:01:29.640
into this situation. You begin to buy into the fact

27
00:01:29.680 --> 00:01:32.879
that this person is a victim, and in the process

28
00:01:32.920 --> 00:01:35.000
of buying into that, you allow them.

29
00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:36.439
To act like a child.

30
00:01:37.239 --> 00:01:39.599
You take care of them and even take care of

31
00:01:39.640 --> 00:01:41.760
them to the level of taking care of them more

32
00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:47.239
than yourself, where you are at a disadvantage either financially

33
00:01:47.319 --> 00:01:50.560
taking care of them emotionally, taking care of them, doing everything,

34
00:01:50.599 --> 00:01:54.840
and not really receiving anything back from them. It's a

35
00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:58.439
very one sided relationship. Now, in the beginning, it wasn't

36
00:01:58.439 --> 00:02:01.879
exactly like that, and that's where many of you got stuck.

37
00:02:02.400 --> 00:02:04.680
There was a lot of love bombing in the beginning,

38
00:02:04.719 --> 00:02:07.480
a lot of like giving from this person where it

39
00:02:07.519 --> 00:02:09.879
felt very genuine, but it was not.

40
00:02:10.560 --> 00:02:12.759
And so you kind of walked into.

41
00:02:12.560 --> 00:02:16.039
This relationship thinking one thing and it being quite a

42
00:02:16.039 --> 00:02:17.919
different situation altogether.

43
00:02:19.080 --> 00:02:20.800
And it can be really hard to see.

44
00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:24.960
It can be really hard to recognize when you're dealing

45
00:02:25.000 --> 00:02:27.599
with this type of situation, it can be extremely hard

46
00:02:27.599 --> 00:02:31.120
to recognize and extremely hard to understand. And so in

47
00:02:31.159 --> 00:02:32.879
today's show, I want to talk about that. I want

48
00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:35.680
to talk about how narcissists gets supply. And remember it's

49
00:02:35.719 --> 00:02:40.439
about attention. They want attention, they want your attention, they

50
00:02:40.439 --> 00:02:44.639
want everyone's attention. If they don't get other people's attention,

51
00:02:44.800 --> 00:02:47.159
that's a problem. They will push you and push you

52
00:02:47.319 --> 00:02:51.039
and push you until they get your attention, even until you.

53
00:02:51.039 --> 00:02:53.800
Blow up or cry or break down.

54
00:02:54.360 --> 00:02:58.159
And when they see that, that actually gives them energy

55
00:02:58.319 --> 00:03:03.319
and supply, making them happy, building them up, also allowing

56
00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:06.639
them to realize that they actually control you.

57
00:03:07.560 --> 00:03:08.599
They control you.

58
00:03:08.639 --> 00:03:12.439
And this is a very interesting dynamic because when somebody

59
00:03:12.520 --> 00:03:17.199
controls you, that's when we have lost our own identity.

60
00:03:17.360 --> 00:03:19.840
That's when we put ourselves on the back burner, and

61
00:03:19.879 --> 00:03:23.280
that's where we begin to do things because this person

62
00:03:23.319 --> 00:03:27.240
pushes us to this pushing this person is triggering us

63
00:03:27.240 --> 00:03:28.960
to do these things. So what we need to if

64
00:03:29.000 --> 00:03:32.199
you're feeling this, if you're experiencing this in your life,

65
00:03:32.719 --> 00:03:34.360
we need to be able to be aware of what

66
00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:36.960
we're experiencing. You need to be honest with yourself about

67
00:03:36.960 --> 00:03:40.680
what you're experiencing. And we need to be honest about

68
00:03:40.759 --> 00:03:46.520
what is happening because this is truly a problematic situation.

69
00:03:46.680 --> 00:03:49.560
This is truly a situation that needs to be rectified.

70
00:03:50.199 --> 00:03:52.879
It's truly a situation that has to be taken care

71
00:03:52.960 --> 00:03:56.879
of for your own sanity and well being. Now, I

72
00:03:56.919 --> 00:03:59.000
want you to think about this because you know, when

73
00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:05.199
you're dealing with folks that have narcissistic tendencies, extreme narcissistic tendencies,

74
00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:10.120
because it takes a true narcissist to want to bait you,

75
00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:15.840
to want to emotionally abuse you, all in an effort

76
00:04:16.240 --> 00:04:21.519
to get supply, because that's how they build themselves up.

77
00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:26.759
They build themselves up by taking you down. And as

78
00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:28.519
long as they can take you down or make you

79
00:04:28.560 --> 00:04:30.319
feel bad, they have won.

80
00:04:31.480 --> 00:04:33.319
I know that I have many clients that we've.

81
00:04:33.199 --> 00:04:35.639
Spoken about this where they feel bad about, well, I

82
00:04:35.720 --> 00:04:38.399
did this, and yes I was wrong by doing this,

83
00:04:38.600 --> 00:04:41.360
but I've paid for it for the last fifteen years.

84
00:04:42.319 --> 00:04:44.959
You know, it's brought up every single day and brought

85
00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:49.079
up over and over and over again until nauseum, until

86
00:04:49.160 --> 00:04:53.839
I either get very angry or I break something or

87
00:04:54.079 --> 00:04:57.439
I storm out, or I just break down in tears.

88
00:04:58.000 --> 00:05:00.000
And so what's happening here is they are a little

89
00:05:00.519 --> 00:05:06.160
abusing you using what I call forever ammunition, which is

90
00:05:06.199 --> 00:05:08.439
a term that I have coined and phrase for a

91
00:05:08.439 --> 00:05:11.720
long time. I came up with forevery ammunition because that's

92
00:05:11.759 --> 00:05:15.360
what it is. They take something that you did wrong

93
00:05:15.720 --> 00:05:18.399
a long time ago, and they bring it up over

94
00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:20.959
and over and over again to get a rise out

95
00:05:20.959 --> 00:05:24.399
of you, to make you feel bad, to bring you down.

96
00:05:24.519 --> 00:05:26.879
And the thing is that's interesting with these folks is

97
00:05:26.920 --> 00:05:30.639
that they don't do that much. Most of them are

98
00:05:31.000 --> 00:05:34.360
really and I hate to use the word loser, but

99
00:05:34.600 --> 00:05:37.720
maybe that's a decent word. Most of them are very

100
00:05:37.800 --> 00:05:41.000
self centered. They get very little done for society. You know,

101
00:05:41.079 --> 00:05:43.759
it's not it wouldn't be a loss if they were gone.

102
00:05:44.480 --> 00:05:47.480
But they like to find fault in everybody else because

103
00:05:47.480 --> 00:05:50.560
if they find faults in you, then what they're not

104
00:05:50.800 --> 00:05:53.800
doing and the stuff that they're not doing is fine.

105
00:05:53.839 --> 00:05:58.040
And so they basically are making themselves okay with their lifestyle,

106
00:05:58.120 --> 00:06:00.759
with their choices, with the things that they're doing, and

107
00:06:00.839 --> 00:06:03.160
not so they build themselves up.

108
00:06:04.160 --> 00:06:04.360
You know.

109
00:06:04.439 --> 00:06:05.399
For example, I had a.

110
00:06:05.360 --> 00:06:08.399
Client the other day, you know, was able to get

111
00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:10.240
a raise at work, and it was a very big

112
00:06:10.279 --> 00:06:12.279
deal for them, and they were very happy about it,

113
00:06:12.279 --> 00:06:14.600
and I was very supportive about it. But not once

114
00:06:14.639 --> 00:06:18.279
did they get a hey, that's awesome, or congratulations or

115
00:06:18.319 --> 00:06:20.000
anything like that from their spouse.

116
00:06:20.439 --> 00:06:21.319
If anything, their.

117
00:06:21.199 --> 00:06:25.680
Spouse was very angry and almost competitive, not almost completely

118
00:06:25.680 --> 00:06:28.759
competitive in the situation and putting them down. Well, it

119
00:06:28.800 --> 00:06:30.839
should have been more. And you know what, you really,

120
00:06:30.879 --> 00:06:33.560
you know, this is not a great job. A company

121
00:06:33.560 --> 00:06:35.040
that you're working with is just you know, it's not

122
00:06:35.079 --> 00:06:38.480
really non nationwide. And then this person that's their spouse

123
00:06:38.560 --> 00:06:43.319
doesn't work, doesn't have a job. And so it's very

124
00:06:43.319 --> 00:06:47.000
interesting because they will put others down in an effort

125
00:06:47.000 --> 00:06:50.920
to build themselves up. And they do this over and

126
00:06:50.959 --> 00:06:54.560
over again, and by using that for every ammunition as

127
00:06:54.560 --> 00:06:58.199
a constant basis, it's perfect because it's repetitive and it

128
00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:03.800
bits you to the point being able to push those buttons.

129
00:07:03.839 --> 00:07:08.040
And I find it very challenging to override some of

130
00:07:08.040 --> 00:07:09.160
this baiting.

131
00:07:10.240 --> 00:07:15.639
Because this baiting is used to abuse you.

132
00:07:17.560 --> 00:07:21.360
It is used to emotionally beat you down and abuse you.

133
00:07:23.759 --> 00:07:30.240
It's used and orchestrated to control you. It's very important

134
00:07:30.279 --> 00:07:32.879
to understand this. It's very important because if you understand

135
00:07:32.879 --> 00:07:36.519
what the whole situation and circumstance is, you won't give

136
00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:42.120
them what they want. Because if you can hold back

137
00:07:42.120 --> 00:07:46.160
from giving the narcissists what they want, you actually control

138
00:07:47.439 --> 00:07:52.959
the narcissists, okay, because they want you to get angry,

139
00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:57.279
They want you to get upset, and if you don't

140
00:07:57.319 --> 00:08:02.800
give them what they want, you control them. But the

141
00:08:02.839 --> 00:08:08.240
only way of controlling them is by not being triggered.

142
00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:12.240
If you were triggered, you're.

143
00:08:12.120 --> 00:08:15.920
Dead in the water. And so you have to take

144
00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:21.879
the AMMO. You have to take the AMMO out of

145
00:08:21.920 --> 00:08:26.240
the situation. You gotta take the AMMO out of the situation.

146
00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:27.959
What can you take out of the situation? You gotta

147
00:08:27.959 --> 00:08:28.800
take the AMMO out.

148
00:08:28.839 --> 00:08:29.160
You got to.

149
00:08:29.399 --> 00:08:32.720
You gotta take the thing out. So let's say, you know,

150
00:08:32.759 --> 00:08:36.240
they bring up oh, well, you know, you know there

151
00:08:36.279 --> 00:08:39.120
you are talking about being a family person and you

152
00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:43.639
weren't there when your dad died. Real family person? Yeah yeah, yeah,

153
00:08:43.639 --> 00:08:45.639
you really got morals and out there. I mean, like,

154
00:08:45.639 --> 00:08:47.840
you got to really think about how deep they're gonna get.

155
00:08:48.039 --> 00:08:51.039
They might bring up a past divorce, they might bring

156
00:08:51.120 --> 00:08:54.200
up a child that you have that maybe you'll have

157
00:08:54.320 --> 00:08:57.440
in a strange relationship with and you're trying really hard

158
00:08:57.480 --> 00:08:59.639
to be in that kid's life. But maybe there's some

159
00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:02.480
you know, maybe you had a past relationship where there's

160
00:09:02.519 --> 00:09:05.600
a lot of you know, narcissistic abuse as well and

161
00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:09.480
parental alienation from an ex spouse, and so they'll play

162
00:09:09.559 --> 00:09:12.559
upon the pain and suffering that you've had in your life.

163
00:09:12.679 --> 00:09:14.759
You know, maybe you've been divorced a couple of times.

164
00:09:14.759 --> 00:09:17.799
They'll bring that up. You know, whatever it is that

165
00:09:17.919 --> 00:09:20.480
they can bring you down on, they will bring you

166
00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:23.639
they will bring up in a repetitive format and an

167
00:09:23.679 --> 00:09:27.240
effort to make you feel bad. And that's something that

168
00:09:27.279 --> 00:09:31.080
I really want to stress here that's very important for

169
00:09:31.200 --> 00:09:34.720
us to recognize is that these are the things that

170
00:09:34.799 --> 00:09:39.320
I think are important to acknowledge, and you know, that's

171
00:09:39.360 --> 00:09:41.039
the things that we have to kind of deal with,

172
00:09:41.120 --> 00:09:44.240
and if we can understand that and get ready for that,

173
00:09:44.759 --> 00:09:48.240
we can overcome the triggering. Okay, so I need you

174
00:09:48.279 --> 00:09:53.000
to think, what will the narcissists use? Okay, what what

175
00:09:53.320 --> 00:09:58.519
have they used? You know, what have they used in

176
00:09:58.559 --> 00:10:04.440
the past, What have they used in the past, Maybe what.

177
00:10:04.399 --> 00:10:08.159
Did they use yesterday to trigger you?

178
00:10:09.240 --> 00:10:10.960
And I want you to think about these. You can

179
00:10:11.000 --> 00:10:13.200
even write this down on a list and a piece

180
00:10:13.200 --> 00:10:14.960
of paper. What are the things that they use to

181
00:10:15.000 --> 00:10:19.480
trigger me? Is it a past relationship, is it a child,

182
00:10:19.720 --> 00:10:23.360
is it your career, is it whatever? I need you

183
00:10:23.519 --> 00:10:25.639
to think about that and let's prepare for that. So

184
00:10:25.720 --> 00:10:27.399
you need to write that down and think about it.

185
00:10:27.720 --> 00:10:30.080
And then what's so triggering about it?

186
00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:32.039
Right? What's so triggering about it?

187
00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:34.120
Like? Why does it bring so much pain and suffering?

188
00:10:34.159 --> 00:10:37.639
Think about it, like, really analyze the issues. So if

189
00:10:37.679 --> 00:10:40.240
it's you know, a child, if it's a if it's

190
00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:42.000
a grown child that you don't have a very good

191
00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:46.200
connection with because of you know, maybe the relationship directly

192
00:10:46.240 --> 00:10:48.399
with you and them, or maybe the relationship with you

193
00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:51.080
and your ex spouse. I mean, like you know, there's

194
00:10:51.159 --> 00:10:53.200
pain from there and we have to kind of deal

195
00:10:53.240 --> 00:10:56.200
with that pain because the narcissist is going to use

196
00:10:56.279 --> 00:10:59.600
whatever they can to make you feel pain, to trigger

197
00:10:59.679 --> 00:11:03.759
you to be upset, to get angry, to create. They're

198
00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:06.879
not gonna The interesting thing is they're also going to

199
00:11:07.000 --> 00:11:11.039
project on you, right their own insecurity, So they're projecting

200
00:11:11.080 --> 00:11:11.879
this whole time.

201
00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:13.080
And many of them.

202
00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:15.480
It's interesting how they will find fault in your marriage

203
00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:17.639
but have been never married before in the past. Or

204
00:11:17.639 --> 00:11:20.080
they'll find fault with the way that you raised your kid,

205
00:11:20.120 --> 00:11:21.879
but they don't even have a kid of their own,

206
00:11:22.000 --> 00:11:24.200
or maybe they don't even have a kid in their life,

207
00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:26.320
their kids have walked away from them, but they find

208
00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:28.639
fault within you, or they've been married even more times

209
00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:31.320
than you have, and they talk about how you're just

210
00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:34.759
a failure at marriage. You know, you're a failure at relationships,

211
00:11:34.799 --> 00:11:37.279
you know, And so really look at that too, look

212
00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:41.559
at their Achilles hill as well. And I'm not saying

213
00:11:41.639 --> 00:11:44.840
that we beat others down, but I'm just saying prepare

214
00:11:45.759 --> 00:11:51.320
because they have a lot that you can trigger them with.

215
00:11:52.279 --> 00:11:54.840
And I hate to say this, but you know, sometimes

216
00:11:54.840 --> 00:11:58.159
you got to play hardball a little bit, because if

217
00:11:58.159 --> 00:12:00.519
you think about it, you can't just let them beat

218
00:12:00.600 --> 00:12:02.720
you up on a constant basis emotionally.

219
00:12:03.480 --> 00:12:05.080
But the first thing is, I'd rather take the.

220
00:12:05.080 --> 00:12:08.279
High ground than, you know, than get in the mud

221
00:12:08.320 --> 00:12:10.879
with them, because they're very good about turning things on you.

222
00:12:11.279 --> 00:12:13.840
And if you are codependent in nature at all, you

223
00:12:13.879 --> 00:12:17.200
will feel bad about doing the wrong thing. And that's

224
00:12:17.240 --> 00:12:19.960
another thing too, is it's not necessarily doing the wrong

225
00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:22.879
thing right, it's actually standing up for yourself. And so

226
00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:25.440
you know, another thing that we need to be aware

227
00:12:25.440 --> 00:12:33.840
of is the codependent tendencies in the narcissistic relationship. Okay,

228
00:12:33.919 --> 00:12:36.840
that is what we need to do. That is what

229
00:12:36.879 --> 00:12:40.399
we need to focus on. The codependent tendencies in the

230
00:12:40.480 --> 00:12:45.519
narcissistic relationship is what needs to be looked at and observed.

231
00:12:46.039 --> 00:12:47.720
And this is very important.

232
00:12:48.200 --> 00:12:51.600
Because if you have codependent tendencies, you have a tendency

233
00:12:52.559 --> 00:12:57.600
of owning the problem. You own it, You own the problem.

234
00:12:58.039 --> 00:13:02.879
So if there's a trigger, when they trigger you, you

235
00:13:03.240 --> 00:13:08.559
feel bad and you play right into their hand, you

236
00:13:08.639 --> 00:13:13.519
play right into their hand. And that is what we

237
00:13:13.600 --> 00:13:16.759
need to work on because if you're playing right into

238
00:13:16.799 --> 00:13:21.240
their hand, you're a supply for them, and they will

239
00:13:21.240 --> 00:13:23.480
beat up their supply. And we need to be aware

240
00:13:23.519 --> 00:13:26.559
of that because I want to safeguard you so that

241
00:13:26.679 --> 00:13:28.879
you don't have to deal with this any longer. This

242
00:13:29.039 --> 00:13:31.840
is not fair, and many of us will have to

243
00:13:31.840 --> 00:13:34.639
think about our relationships and where we're going with these

244
00:13:34.720 --> 00:13:39.080
relationships because unless things change with them and they stop

245
00:13:39.240 --> 00:13:43.039
this practice, it is an unhealthy relationship to be in

246
00:13:43.519 --> 00:13:46.320
across the board and something that we need to examine.

247
00:13:46.519 --> 00:13:47.159
So stay tuned.

248
00:13:47.200 --> 00:13:50.519
We're return to me talking more about triggers, being able

249
00:13:50.519 --> 00:13:52.919
to overcome these triggers and also being aware of our

250
00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:55.679
code of Penditendencies Liver tr Life Perspectives of your host

251
00:13:55.679 --> 00:13:57.639
Mediasty Burdas will be back in. I'll be back this

252
00:13:57.799 --> 00:14:08.679
time in two shakes.

253
00:14:13.960 --> 00:14:16.840
Turn it up and jump in the deep end on perspectives.

254
00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:18.639
Now here's Ashley.

255
00:14:20.679 --> 00:14:23.000
Welcome back live to live Atry Life Perspectives and I'm

256
00:14:23.000 --> 00:14:26.200
your host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I'm talking about

257
00:14:26.279 --> 00:14:29.519
narcissistic abuse and how they will They will push you

258
00:14:29.559 --> 00:14:33.080
and push you and use different situations and circumstances in

259
00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:37.639
a repetitive format to trigger you to respond in a negative,

260
00:14:37.720 --> 00:14:40.360
sad way in an effort to get supply from you.

261
00:14:40.440 --> 00:14:42.720
And this is very important to understand this because this

262
00:14:43.080 --> 00:14:47.240
is a lot of it. This is the manipulation, This

263
00:14:47.320 --> 00:14:50.320
is the gas lighting. This is where they get their energy.

264
00:14:50.399 --> 00:14:53.279
That energy is supplies. I'm saying, this is where they

265
00:14:53.320 --> 00:14:56.240
get that whole Oh yeah, this feels good. I'm pushing

266
00:14:56.279 --> 00:14:59.000
this person to be totally different who they from who

267
00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:02.279
they are, making a very nice individual and making them

268
00:15:02.360 --> 00:15:05.759
very upset or anger. Oh man, they're getting violent. Oh wow,

269
00:15:06.159 --> 00:15:08.639
look they broke some plates in the kitchen. Ooh, this

270
00:15:08.679 --> 00:15:12.000
is gonna be good. You know, I'm really I'm obviously

271
00:15:12.120 --> 00:15:15.320
under their skin, pretty hardcore here. I'm gonna take them

272
00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:18.799
down because this gives me pleasure. And that's what the

273
00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:21.799
narcissist is thinking, is they know that if they just

274
00:15:21.960 --> 00:15:24.759
keep pushing, if they just keep bringing up that thing

275
00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:28.360
that bothers you a lot, you're gonna break. You're gonna break.

276
00:15:28.600 --> 00:15:33.279
And then once you break, Now what happens? Now, what happens?

277
00:15:33.559 --> 00:15:36.799
And see, if the narcissist isn't also thinking about any endgame,

278
00:15:36.879 --> 00:15:38.480
they don't really think about any of that. They don't

279
00:15:38.480 --> 00:15:41.679
think about any of that type of reality. Their emotions

280
00:15:41.720 --> 00:15:44.679
are so off base and so out of whack that

281
00:15:44.759 --> 00:15:48.879
they don't even think about consequences of their actions. And

282
00:15:49.080 --> 00:15:51.159
I find that interesting because we find that a little

283
00:15:51.159 --> 00:15:53.639
bit too when we talk about BPD a bit, is

284
00:15:53.639 --> 00:15:56.240
that there's no thought about actions, there's no thought about

285
00:15:56.240 --> 00:16:00.000
the future. We're just doing these things and that's not helpful, right,

286
00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:02.240
And so if you're kind of in the camp that

287
00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:04.440
I'm in, or you're in the codependent camp and I'm

288
00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:08.799
in recovery. I'm in recovery. I'm recovery for codependency. What

289
00:16:08.840 --> 00:16:10.600
I'm saying is I work out it every day. It's

290
00:16:10.600 --> 00:16:14.879
something that you know, I I became, you know, through

291
00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:18.279
my family dynamic over time, and then I have had

292
00:16:18.320 --> 00:16:20.320
to work to really look at my code open and

293
00:16:20.399 --> 00:16:23.159
my coodp issues and dependencies is what I call it.

294
00:16:24.120 --> 00:16:25.039
And I got to own it.

295
00:16:25.399 --> 00:16:27.320
And one of the things that we as codependents have

296
00:16:27.360 --> 00:16:30.360
to realize is that the narcissist is going to use

297
00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:35.720
things to manipulate you that you have told them about. Okay,

298
00:16:36.759 --> 00:16:38.960
so if you have, if you're just now getting in

299
00:16:38.960 --> 00:16:42.639
a new relationship and you don't know this person is

300
00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:46.320
narcissistic or not, don't tell them stuff. Don't tell them

301
00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:50.159
your deepest, darkest secrets. Don't tell them your pain. Please

302
00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:53.480
leave it out. Do yourself a favor and wait and

303
00:16:53.480 --> 00:16:56.000
see if this person is even worthy of you telling

304
00:16:56.039 --> 00:16:58.279
them this stuff, because otherwise they're going to beat you

305
00:16:58.440 --> 00:17:02.559
up over it over and over again until you are

306
00:17:02.720 --> 00:17:06.000
sad and beat up and ashamed over and over again.

307
00:17:06.119 --> 00:17:08.519
And an effort to not have to do anything, in

308
00:17:08.559 --> 00:17:12.759
an effort to be able to basically sideswipe you on

309
00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:15.880
a daily basis so that they don't have to do anything.

310
00:17:16.519 --> 00:17:18.079
Okay, and I want you to think about what I

311
00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:18.640
just said.

312
00:17:19.799 --> 00:17:22.480
If you have phoned for this and you are codependent,

313
00:17:23.400 --> 00:17:25.759
you were letting them get away with murder on a

314
00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:30.319
daily basis. You are letting them get away with murder.

315
00:17:31.759 --> 00:17:35.920
They are probably doing exactly what they're saying you are doing,

316
00:17:36.039 --> 00:17:39.119
but you don't have time mentally to figure it out

317
00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:43.200
until it's too late. I've had clients where they've been

318
00:17:43.240 --> 00:17:45.680
projected on over and over again, and then they find

319
00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:49.200
out later on this was complete projection and because they

320
00:17:49.319 --> 00:17:52.359
was taking so much time to try to prove their innocence,

321
00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:55.400
they didn't even realize what the other person was doing.

322
00:17:56.920 --> 00:17:59.519
And so taking some time and realizing that this is

323
00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:03.880
complete manipulation, and it's used to trigger you, it's used

324
00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:07.319
to upset you, it's used to put you down. These

325
00:18:07.319 --> 00:18:11.039
are important factors that we need to look at. These

326
00:18:11.079 --> 00:18:15.039
are important factors that we need to understand and examine.

327
00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:17.000
And examine.

328
00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:19.119
If you were in a relationship where you feel like

329
00:18:19.160 --> 00:18:23.400
you are being gas lit, manipulated or triggered. So when

330
00:18:23.400 --> 00:18:25.759
we're turning where you're talking more about triggers, I need

331
00:18:25.799 --> 00:18:27.559
you to think about what are they gonna use? What

332
00:18:27.640 --> 00:18:30.240
are the things that you told them? You know, what

333
00:18:30.359 --> 00:18:36.960
are the personal you know, aspects of your life that

334
00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:41.400
you have told them that they use against you, because

335
00:18:41.400 --> 00:18:43.680
they don't do that. So if you look back at

336
00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:48.039
it throughout the relationship, even during the love bombing, they

337
00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:51.160
were very smart as to not really tell you much.

338
00:18:51.240 --> 00:18:54.319
They listen to you, they used that time, they made

339
00:18:54.400 --> 00:18:56.319
you believe that they were there for you.

340
00:18:56.960 --> 00:18:58.240
And many of the stuff.

341
00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:00.000
That they say, and I'm gonna give you some exams

342
00:19:00.039 --> 00:19:03.079
amples are very poignant and we're going to talk about

343
00:19:03.079 --> 00:19:07.119
that too. So stay tuned Libertry Life Perspectives with me,

344
00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:09.200
your host, Ashley Burgess, will be back.

345
00:19:09.000 --> 00:19:10.599
In I'll be back this time, you know it.

346
00:19:10.640 --> 00:19:17.039
I'll be back this time in two shapes.

347
00:19:26.440 --> 00:19:29.519
This is Jake Busey and you're listening to Perspectives with

348
00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:30.680
Ashley Burgess.

349
00:19:33.119 --> 00:19:35.920
Welcome back live to Libertrue Life Perspectives and I'm your host,

350
00:19:35.960 --> 00:19:40.480
Ashley Burgess. On today's show, we're talking about narcissism. We're

351
00:19:40.519 --> 00:19:46.160
talking about narcissistic behavior and manipulation. And right before the

352
00:19:46.200 --> 00:19:48.079
break I was saying that in the beginning of the relationship,

353
00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:51.119
during the love bombing stage, a lot of narcissists will

354
00:19:51.119 --> 00:19:53.960
tell you various things. They will make up, you know,

355
00:19:54.039 --> 00:19:56.559
things that make it sound good, like you know, oh, well,

356
00:19:56.599 --> 00:19:59.200
you know I've decided to put off, you know, taking

357
00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:02.440
that career in an effort to be here for you

358
00:20:02.519 --> 00:20:05.599
in your time of need, or I have done whatever

359
00:20:05.640 --> 00:20:07.680
it is, it's basically based on the fact that I

360
00:20:07.720 --> 00:20:11.279
have done something for you, sacrifice something, Okay, so I

361
00:20:11.319 --> 00:20:15.720
want you to remember this, I've sacrificed something for you.

362
00:20:16.799 --> 00:20:22.440
But the thing is is that the sacrifice is not real. Okay,

363
00:20:22.480 --> 00:20:25.000
So I want you to think about that. The sacrifice

364
00:20:25.519 --> 00:20:28.279
is not real. So what they sacrifice and tell you

365
00:20:28.319 --> 00:20:33.319
that they sacrifice for you is not really something that

366
00:20:33.319 --> 00:20:36.759
they sacrifice. So it might be something real like let's say,

367
00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:41.880
for example, you know, oh they had this, they had

368
00:20:41.920 --> 00:20:46.759
this possible better uh, you know, better better employment. Okay,

369
00:20:46.759 --> 00:20:48.880
they got to let's say this, you got offered offered

370
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:51.319
a job. Now one you have to believe that that

371
00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:54.240
actually did take place, because that might not have ever

372
00:20:54.359 --> 00:20:57.160
taken place. Because you can't assume that a narcissis is

373
00:20:57.200 --> 00:21:00.359
ever going to tell you the truth. Two, let's say

374
00:21:00.359 --> 00:21:02.839
that it was the truth, it wasn't a good position

375
00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:04.839
and it wasn't something that they wanted.

376
00:21:05.119 --> 00:21:06.559
Or three it was never real.

377
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:11.119
They're going to create these false realities, okay, in an

378
00:21:11.119 --> 00:21:13.640
effort to make you believe that they're doing all these

379
00:21:13.720 --> 00:21:15.559
things altruistically for you.

380
00:21:15.960 --> 00:21:16.400
Okay.

381
00:21:16.799 --> 00:21:18.720
A good example that I found that a lot of

382
00:21:18.799 --> 00:21:23.440
narcissists take, or narcissists that haven't really succeeded in life

383
00:21:23.480 --> 00:21:24.319
a lot of times.

384
00:21:24.640 --> 00:21:26.279
And I'm not saying this is across the board.

385
00:21:26.279 --> 00:21:29.599
There's a lot of caretakers out there, but they will say, oh, yeah,

386
00:21:29.640 --> 00:21:32.039
I'm back living with my parents or whatever. And sometimes

387
00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:35.720
that's true to's caretake. Sometimes it's not. I find that

388
00:21:35.759 --> 00:21:38.680
there's a lot of things that are said about them

389
00:21:38.759 --> 00:21:42.119
making some sort of sacrifice in order to help somebody.

390
00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:45.559
Now it looks very altruistic from the outside, but you

391
00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:48.200
need to really look at the motivation and why they

392
00:21:48.200 --> 00:21:51.279
would say it. Okay, many of you have gotten into

393
00:21:51.319 --> 00:21:56.440
relationships with these narcissists based on these false manipulations made

394
00:21:56.559 --> 00:22:01.079
and created to get you to believe that they actually

395
00:22:01.160 --> 00:22:05.079
are there for you now that they've done these sacrifices

396
00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:07.440
to be there for you, so that that's they do

397
00:22:07.480 --> 00:22:10.359
this in the beginning so that you later on sacrifice.

398
00:22:11.000 --> 00:22:16.200
You later on sacrifice for them because you feel bad

399
00:22:16.839 --> 00:22:19.079
because they're going to bring up the thing that they've

400
00:22:19.119 --> 00:22:21.240
sacrificed over.

401
00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:24.680
And over and over again. Okay.

402
00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:29.039
And for example, I was accepted somewhere a long time

403
00:22:29.079 --> 00:22:31.440
ago that I really wanted to go and I and

404
00:22:31.480 --> 00:22:33.839
I didn't do that because I was newly married and

405
00:22:33.880 --> 00:22:35.319
I might have brought it up one time.

406
00:22:35.359 --> 00:22:38.200
I never brought it up again. Okay, it did.

407
00:22:38.279 --> 00:22:40.200
It was something that I really wanted, but I didn't

408
00:22:40.200 --> 00:22:42.200
take could have done it. Hey, that was my choice.

409
00:22:42.839 --> 00:22:43.240
Okay.

410
00:22:43.960 --> 00:22:46.880
But and that was a real thing that was actually real.

411
00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:48.960
I was there was something that it was actually tangible.

412
00:22:49.000 --> 00:22:52.319
There's actual documentation of it, so it's not some fake fakery.

413
00:22:52.640 --> 00:22:54.200
Okay. So that's another side, because there's a lot.

414
00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:57.440
Of fakery, a lot of fakery with these narcissists, right,

415
00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:04.480
fake realities, false false reality. So this was a true reality. However,

416
00:23:04.759 --> 00:23:07.920
there's some times that narcissists are honest about some things

417
00:23:08.559 --> 00:23:12.880
in their own manipulative way, and they will bring that up,

418
00:23:12.920 --> 00:23:15.960
and even if it's a false reality and there was

419
00:23:16.079 --> 00:23:19.880
no thing, they will roll that game over.

420
00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:20.799
And over and over again.

421
00:23:21.240 --> 00:23:24.079
Okay, oh, while I was you know, when I met you,

422
00:23:24.200 --> 00:23:26.720
I was in this relationship. I ended this relationship that

423
00:23:26.839 --> 00:23:29.440
was the love of my life to be with you. Well, okay,

424
00:23:30.119 --> 00:23:33.519
for real, but they'll bring it up over and over again.

425
00:23:34.119 --> 00:23:37.200
Correct or I sacrifice myself for this or I had

426
00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:39.279
to do with this, and so you start feeling bad.

427
00:23:39.279 --> 00:23:41.839
So I need you to realize if you're feeling bad

428
00:23:41.880 --> 00:23:44.359
about something that the other person's sacrificed, then I need

429
00:23:44.400 --> 00:23:46.119
you to really write down what was the thing that

430
00:23:46.119 --> 00:23:47.119
they sacrificed.

431
00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:49.599
I need you to really look at it. What did

432
00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:52.640
they sacrifice? What was it? Really?

433
00:23:53.200 --> 00:24:01.759
Was it anything? Was it absolutely anything? Probably not. I

434
00:24:01.839 --> 00:24:04.119
also need you to realize when they bring up the

435
00:24:04.279 --> 00:24:07.960
sacrifice piece, how does it make you feel? And how

436
00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:10.519
often do they bring up the piece that they sacrifice

437
00:24:10.519 --> 00:24:16.400
because they're gonna bring up the sacrifice over and over

438
00:24:16.599 --> 00:24:22.720
again because it works. I mean, if you are manipulated

439
00:24:23.079 --> 00:24:26.279
and you're good at being made to feel bad, you're

440
00:24:26.319 --> 00:24:29.039
a perfect candidate for narcissistic abuse.

441
00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:31.759
Okay, that's what they're looking for.

442
00:24:31.799 --> 00:24:34.640
A narcissist doesn't get with another narcissist, that's just not

443
00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:39.359
gonna work. A narcissist doesn't get with, you know, a

444
00:24:39.440 --> 00:24:43.119
sociopath or an anti anti social behavior type person, that's

445
00:24:43.160 --> 00:24:45.880
not gonna work because the sociopath, you know, they're gonna

446
00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:48.039
beat up on the narciss The narcissist is a small

447
00:24:48.039 --> 00:24:51.359
time potatoes for them, and they don't have emotion really

448
00:24:51.359 --> 00:24:53.319
based on anything, so they don't have any empathy, so

449
00:24:53.359 --> 00:24:53.839
they don't care.

450
00:24:54.200 --> 00:24:55.240
It doesn't work for them.

451
00:24:55.720 --> 00:24:57.599
That type of manipulation doesn't work at all because they

452
00:24:57.640 --> 00:25:00.640
can't be manipulated because they don't feel bad about any

453
00:25:00.680 --> 00:25:02.799
of that stuff anyway, it doesn't matter, might not even

454
00:25:02.880 --> 00:25:06.960
remember it. But if you are codependent or even have

455
00:25:07.079 --> 00:25:10.880
BPD signs and symptoms, or a combination of BPD and

456
00:25:10.960 --> 00:25:16.079
codependent or just pretty much like just a normal person

457
00:25:16.480 --> 00:25:18.920
with just normal realities. And I'm not saying normal normal,

458
00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:21.599
I'm just saying like there's healthy. You know, if you're

459
00:25:21.640 --> 00:25:24.039
truly a healthy person that has really worked on yourself,

460
00:25:24.079 --> 00:25:26.400
you will not accept this type of reality. You will

461
00:25:26.440 --> 00:25:28.519
fight against that. And I think over time all of

462
00:25:28.559 --> 00:25:31.359
us do is we get healthier and healthier as we

463
00:25:31.400 --> 00:25:33.319
get more and more aware of who we are, as

464
00:25:33.359 --> 00:25:35.880
we get more and more aware of really the direction

465
00:25:35.960 --> 00:25:38.480
we want our life to be. We exit stage right

466
00:25:38.519 --> 00:25:40.880
from these people. So eventually, over time, if this person

467
00:25:40.920 --> 00:25:43.759
doesn't change your augment or get better, there's a point

468
00:25:43.759 --> 00:25:45.119
in time when you have to put your foot down

469
00:25:45.160 --> 00:25:47.039
and say I'm done. Right, there's a point in time

470
00:25:47.079 --> 00:25:50.680
when you are done. You've had enough. It is over,

471
00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:54.279
Siah Nara, see you later, good night, Okay.

472
00:25:54.359 --> 00:25:54.759
Perfect.

473
00:25:54.759 --> 00:25:56.839
We know that that's something that we can relate with,

474
00:25:56.920 --> 00:25:59.839
that's something that we can agree to, right, So that

475
00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:04.279
is something that we deal with. However, in the process,

476
00:26:04.359 --> 00:26:07.440
many of you are in the process right now, right

477
00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:12.240
where it's you know, that hasn't happened. We're not there yet.

478
00:26:13.240 --> 00:26:15.559
We're still in the process of can I handle this?

479
00:26:16.039 --> 00:26:19.079
Will they change? Oh my god, I'm in this relationship.

480
00:26:19.119 --> 00:26:21.559
I've been married for a few years and this has

481
00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:25.279
gotten really out of control. I'm unhappy going home, I'm

482
00:26:25.359 --> 00:26:30.039
unhappy dealing with my spouse. It gets bad every night.

483
00:26:30.039 --> 00:26:33.160
It's an argument of fight. You know, there's a few

484
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:35.480
good times here and there, but the good times are

485
00:26:35.599 --> 00:26:39.880
just not outweighing the bad. And when the writing on

486
00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:42.599
the wall becomes a parent, that's when we have the issue.

487
00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:45.359
And the writing on the wall becomes a parent, that's

488
00:26:45.400 --> 00:26:48.240
when we have an issue. And that's when we have

489
00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:51.680
to get real about where we're at and what we're doing.

490
00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:55.519
And I think that's very important to us in the

491
00:26:55.559 --> 00:26:58.519
situation where we get real about it, and it's in

492
00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:01.839
an effort to really underst stand kind of where we're

493
00:27:01.880 --> 00:27:03.880
at and what we're doing. And so I want you

494
00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:06.000
to write down what if they used to trigger you with?

495
00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:09.039
What are the triggers, And I want you to look

496
00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:11.480
at it from every angle. I want you to get

497
00:27:11.559 --> 00:27:15.359
so comfortable with those triggers that if they bring it up.

498
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:16.400
I mean, it's.

499
00:27:16.200 --> 00:27:23.279
Hard to be so comfortable that you laugh at the triggers,

500
00:27:23.279 --> 00:27:25.400
but I want you to get close to that. I

501
00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:27.680
want you to get close to that, because these triggers

502
00:27:27.759 --> 00:27:30.440
only work if they trigger you to get angry or

503
00:27:30.519 --> 00:27:33.640
upset or sad. If you don't get angry, upset, or sad,

504
00:27:33.680 --> 00:27:38.519
even if you're just neutral, it doesn't work. It's much

505
00:27:38.559 --> 00:27:43.119
better to be neutral than happy or laughing. We don't

506
00:27:43.160 --> 00:27:45.319
need to go to that extreme. That's crazy extreme too.

507
00:27:45.319 --> 00:27:47.039
We don't want to do that. We just want to

508
00:27:47.079 --> 00:27:49.319
be neutral and an effort to be neutral, because I

509
00:27:49.319 --> 00:27:59.839
remember neutrality. Neutrality zeros out supply. So if I'm neutral

510
00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:07.799
in my response, I eliminate supply to the narcissists. Oh well, yeah,

511
00:28:07.839 --> 00:28:10.079
I remember you were talking about, you know, your ex

512
00:28:10.200 --> 00:28:12.680
husband and dah da da da Oh remember that? What

513
00:28:12.759 --> 00:28:15.799
about that situation? You know, if you can get over

514
00:28:15.920 --> 00:28:20.119
and overcome this in coaching and therapy. I remember, I'm

515
00:28:20.119 --> 00:28:23.160
a life coach and I have three therapists that work

516
00:28:23.240 --> 00:28:26.079
with me. And you know, you can go online to

517
00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:30.000
Ashleyburgs dot com. Go to Ashleybeerges dot com, click on

518
00:28:30.039 --> 00:28:32.279
the coaching section and you can see everybody in their

519
00:28:32.319 --> 00:28:34.920
bio and everything else, and you can work with somebody

520
00:28:34.960 --> 00:28:39.119
to overcome these triggers. If you could overcome your triggers,

521
00:28:39.599 --> 00:28:43.160
this person has no more power over you. This person

522
00:28:43.200 --> 00:28:46.559
has zero power over you if you can overcome your triggers.

523
00:28:47.160 --> 00:28:50.480
That's all I'm saying. So I want you to really

524
00:28:50.519 --> 00:28:52.480
look at those triggers. What are the triggers that they

525
00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:55.519
use against you on a constant basis? Why does it

526
00:28:55.599 --> 00:28:58.599
hurt you? Why does it hurt you? Why does it

527
00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:01.359
anger you? Why does it upset you? Why does it

528
00:29:01.400 --> 00:29:04.480
get under your skin? Why does it create you anxiety?

529
00:29:04.680 --> 00:29:07.599
Why does it create you stress? Why does it do this? Well?

530
00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:10.319
I mean I need you to really analyze what are

531
00:29:10.359 --> 00:29:13.200
the on heeled pieces of you that you have to

532
00:29:13.279 --> 00:29:14.920
deal with to do to deal with this?

533
00:29:15.400 --> 00:29:15.759
Okay?

534
00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:19.880
And if there's guilt, why do you feel guilty? If

535
00:29:19.920 --> 00:29:24.240
there's sadness, where's the sadness coming from? Then I want

536
00:29:24.279 --> 00:29:31.480
you to examine also their shortcomings, because the narcissist has

537
00:29:32.160 --> 00:29:38.640
a lot of shortcomings. They are full of shortcomings. That's

538
00:29:38.680 --> 00:29:43.160
their middle name, Okay, that's who they are. They have

539
00:29:43.240 --> 00:29:47.640
shortcomings all over the map. They hide them well by

540
00:29:47.680 --> 00:29:50.680
making you feel bad about yours. Okay, So they are

541
00:29:51.160 --> 00:29:54.640
far from perfect. They're them, you know, they're they're They're

542
00:29:54.680 --> 00:29:58.799
great at boosting themselves up. I'm smarter, I'm more educated,

543
00:29:58.920 --> 00:30:02.920
I'm better looking, I'm younger, I'm this, I'm that.

544
00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:05.640
You know, I got more friends than you.

545
00:30:05.640 --> 00:30:09.640
You know, whatever it is, Okay, they will build themselves

546
00:30:09.720 --> 00:30:12.079
up in an effort to put you down. I also

547
00:30:12.119 --> 00:30:16.240
want you to begin to look at these supposed sacrifices.

548
00:30:17.640 --> 00:30:22.839
These sacrifices are usually bs like they had this bigger,

549
00:30:22.839 --> 00:30:24.519
better deal that they left.

550
00:30:24.279 --> 00:30:25.680
Because of you to help you out.

551
00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:27.920
I'm telling you, a narcissist is not ever going to

552
00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:30.480
leave a bigger, better deal for you. They're just not

553
00:30:31.559 --> 00:30:34.519
That's not who they are. They will always take the bigger,

554
00:30:34.519 --> 00:30:37.599
better deal. They will always take what's easier. They will

555
00:30:37.799 --> 00:30:41.720
always choose that way of life. They're not going to

556
00:30:41.880 --> 00:30:46.200
sacrifice real sacrifice for anybody unless they think that in

557
00:30:46.279 --> 00:30:52.000
the end game, that is going to be the best choice. Okay,

558
00:30:54.200 --> 00:30:57.119
unless they think in the end game that is going

559
00:30:57.160 --> 00:30:59.519
to be the best choice. So I need you to

560
00:30:59.519 --> 00:31:03.279
think about that, analyze that, look at that sacrifices false fake,

561
00:31:03.519 --> 00:31:05.920
fake realities. And I also need you to look at

562
00:31:05.960 --> 00:31:14.559
their false reality of life. Okay. They have created a

563
00:31:14.839 --> 00:31:23.440
false reality that you have bought into. You have bought

564
00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:29.519
into this false reality of who they are and what

565
00:31:29.599 --> 00:31:32.759
they're about. And I need you to recognize that many

566
00:31:32.759 --> 00:31:34.759
of you, when you first meet a narcissists, they will

567
00:31:34.759 --> 00:31:36.920
tell you about all their friends. They look like they're

568
00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:39.079
on top of the world, YadA, YadA, YadA. Some of

569
00:31:39.079 --> 00:31:41.640
them do have a lot of friends, most of them don't.

570
00:31:41.640 --> 00:31:43.960
Most of them treat people pretty badly, so over time

571
00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:48.000
those people leave. Sometimes it's just a false reality they've

572
00:31:48.039 --> 00:31:50.839
created it. But also I need you to realize when

573
00:31:50.880 --> 00:31:55.000
you have been manipulated, because usually the narcissist seems larger

574
00:31:55.039 --> 00:31:58.240
than life, or they appear to be a certain way,

575
00:31:58.319 --> 00:32:01.799
and because you are trying to co create this reality

576
00:32:01.880 --> 00:32:05.119
with them, you buy into the falsehoods and the false

577
00:32:05.200 --> 00:32:09.440
realities and these become a problem for you. And understandably,

578
00:32:09.559 --> 00:32:14.799
over time that creates more of a problem once you

579
00:32:14.920 --> 00:32:19.119
realize that this wasn't true, once the veil is removed.

580
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.799
When the veil is removed, that is when you start

581
00:32:24.920 --> 00:32:30.640
seeing their truth. And the truth is very interesting because

582
00:32:30.680 --> 00:32:32.720
you don't really know what's truthful or not, because they

583
00:32:32.759 --> 00:32:35.359
have you going, because they're very good at manipulating you,

584
00:32:36.079 --> 00:32:39.279
keep taking you off your game, making you question your reality,

585
00:32:39.480 --> 00:32:41.160
all in an effort to keep the smoke screen of

586
00:32:41.160 --> 00:32:42.200
mirrors going so.

587
00:32:42.119 --> 00:32:44.680
That you don't leave them. Now, the other thing about

588
00:32:44.680 --> 00:32:48.240
a nurses is they will tell.

589
00:32:48.079 --> 00:32:53.880
You you know how much you need, how much you

590
00:32:53.920 --> 00:32:59.400
need them, You know you need me, you know, not

591
00:32:59.519 --> 00:33:03.079
the other way around, right, And you start believing it,

592
00:33:04.240 --> 00:33:06.720
you start believing it. Oh my god, I can't this

593
00:33:06.759 --> 00:33:10.079
person can't leave me. I need this person. Oh god,

594
00:33:10.200 --> 00:33:12.480
What am I gonna do if this person leaves me?

595
00:33:12.599 --> 00:33:13.359
Oh my god?

596
00:33:13.519 --> 00:33:17.160
Oh but you believe it right, because you've fallen for

597
00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:20.319
this false reality because now and then what they do

598
00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:22.480
is they tell you about how much they you need them,

599
00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:24.960
You need them, you need them, you need them. And

600
00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:26.920
then they slowly say, hey, but i'm gonna leave. I'm

601
00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:29.480
out of here. I'm gonna divorce you. I'm leaving, I'm going,

602
00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:32.200
i'm gonna move out tomorrow. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna,

603
00:33:32.200 --> 00:33:34.119
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. And you go,

604
00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:36.799
oh no, I'm gonna lose my whole life if this

605
00:33:36.839 --> 00:33:37.640
person leaves me.

606
00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:38.640
Are you serious?

607
00:33:39.079 --> 00:33:42.160
They have literally gotten you in, you know, a part

608
00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:47.400
and parcel to believe in their false reality. They've got

609
00:33:47.440 --> 00:33:49.720
you even believing that the false reality is true.

610
00:33:49.799 --> 00:33:52.680
That's what's so crazy. That's what gets crazy.

611
00:33:52.839 --> 00:33:57.279
Making they got you believe in it, and then you

612
00:33:57.400 --> 00:34:01.480
worried about it and stressing about it and thinking they're

613
00:34:01.480 --> 00:34:04.119
gonna leave you. Oh my god, what am I gonna do.

614
00:34:04.319 --> 00:34:07.960
They're gonna leave me, What am I gonna do? I

615
00:34:08.039 --> 00:34:10.199
need you to think about that, because that in and

616
00:34:10.239 --> 00:34:14.639
of itself is very interesting. And many of you are

617
00:34:14.719 --> 00:34:19.519
right there right now not realizing that you're actually the

618
00:34:19.559 --> 00:34:25.960
golden goose. Right you're laying the golden eggs, but they

619
00:34:26.199 --> 00:34:29.239
are saying, you know that your eggs are rants it.

620
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:35.159
You know you're your eggs are rancid. You're bad, You're spoiled,

621
00:34:35.480 --> 00:34:36.480
You're a bad person.

622
00:34:37.400 --> 00:34:37.960
You know what I mean.

623
00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:40.239
You're the golden goose. But you know what, if the

624
00:34:40.280 --> 00:34:45.760
golden goose believes that they're garbage or trash or whatever

625
00:34:45.800 --> 00:34:49.079
you'd like to say, then there you go. This is

626
00:34:49.119 --> 00:34:51.719
something that we have to get above. This is something

627
00:34:51.760 --> 00:34:54.880
we have to realize. This is the beginning of recognizing

628
00:34:54.920 --> 00:34:58.639
the full on manipulation by the narcissists and how.

629
00:34:58.360 --> 00:35:02.880
They do this East by peace to get you to.

630
00:35:02.920 --> 00:35:07.280
Lose your identity and stress about them leaving you. When

631
00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:09.079
I return and be talking more about this and more

632
00:35:09.159 --> 00:35:11.400
ways to safeguard you, because that's what matters.

633
00:35:11.480 --> 00:35:12.400
Is up to you to.

634
00:35:12.440 --> 00:35:15.639
Safeguard you, to eliminate this manipulation from your life. Say

635
00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:18.639
to you, liberty, life, Perspectives with your host me Ashley Burgess,

636
00:35:18.679 --> 00:35:20.280
will be back in I'll.

637
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:21.360
Be back this time. You know it.

638
00:35:21.440 --> 00:35:30.800
I'll be back this time in two shakes.

639
00:35:36.199 --> 00:35:39.280
This is Jake Busey and you're listening to Perspectives with

640
00:35:39.440 --> 00:35:40.440
Ashley Burgess.

641
00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:45.400
Welcome back live to Liberty Life Perspectives and I'm your

642
00:35:45.400 --> 00:35:49.840
host Ashley Burgess. On today's show, we're talking about narcissism.

643
00:35:50.039 --> 00:35:55.840
We're talking about narcissistic behavior and manipulation. And right before

644
00:35:55.880 --> 00:35:57.239
the break, I was saying that in the beginning of

645
00:35:57.280 --> 00:36:00.039
the relationship, during the love bombing stage, a lot of

646
00:36:00.119 --> 00:36:03.400
narcissists will tell you various things. They will make up,

647
00:36:03.519 --> 00:36:05.719
you know, things that make it sound good like you know,

648
00:36:05.800 --> 00:36:08.480
oh well, you know I've decided to put off, you know,

649
00:36:08.639 --> 00:36:11.639
taking that career move and an effort to be here

650
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:14.719
for you in your time of need, or I have

651
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:17.079
done whatever it is, it's basically based on the fact

652
00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:20.840
that I have done something for you, sacrifice something, Okay,

653
00:36:20.840 --> 00:36:23.880
So I want you to remember this. I've sacrificed something

654
00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:30.119
for you. But the thing is is that the sacrifice

655
00:36:30.320 --> 00:36:33.199
is not real, Okay, So I want you to think

656
00:36:33.199 --> 00:36:36.679
about that. The sacrifice is not real. So what they

657
00:36:36.800 --> 00:36:41.599
sacrifice and tell you that they sacrifice for you is

658
00:36:41.679 --> 00:36:44.639
not really something that they sacrifice. So it might be

659
00:36:44.719 --> 00:36:49.639
something real. Like let's say, for example, you know, oh

660
00:36:49.679 --> 00:36:54.480
they had this, they had this possible better uh, you know,

661
00:36:54.599 --> 00:36:57.400
better better employment. Okay, they got to let's say this,

662
00:36:57.559 --> 00:37:00.280
you got offered offered a job. Now, One, you have

663
00:37:00.360 --> 00:37:03.079
to believe that that actually did take place, because that

664
00:37:03.199 --> 00:37:06.000
might not have ever taken place, because you can't assume

665
00:37:06.079 --> 00:37:08.960
that a narcissist ever going to tell you the truth. Two,

666
00:37:09.519 --> 00:37:11.920
let's just say that it was the truth. It wasn't

667
00:37:11.960 --> 00:37:14.239
a good position and it wasn't something that they wanted,

668
00:37:14.920 --> 00:37:18.559
or three, it was never real. They're going to create

669
00:37:18.599 --> 00:37:21.760
these false realities, okay, in an effort to make you

670
00:37:21.920 --> 00:37:25.360
believe that they're doing all these things altruistically for you.

671
00:37:25.760 --> 00:37:26.199
Okay.

672
00:37:26.559 --> 00:37:28.480
A good example that I found that a lot of

673
00:37:28.559 --> 00:37:33.239
narcissists take or narcissists that haven't really succeeded in life

674
00:37:33.239 --> 00:37:34.079
a lot of times.

675
00:37:34.440 --> 00:37:36.039
And I'm not saying this is across the board.

676
00:37:36.039 --> 00:37:39.360
There's a lot of caretakers out there, but they will say, oh, yeah,

677
00:37:39.400 --> 00:37:41.840
I'm back living with my parents or whatever, and sometimes

678
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:42.320
that's true.

679
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:44.079
To's caretake. Sometimes it's not.

680
00:37:45.039 --> 00:37:46.880
I find that there's a lot of things that are

681
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:50.920
said about them making some sort of sacrifice in order

682
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:54.760
to help somebody. Now it looks very altruistic from the outside,

683
00:37:55.039 --> 00:37:57.599
but you need to really look at the motivation and

684
00:37:57.639 --> 00:38:00.559
why they would say it. Okay, many of you have

685
00:38:00.599 --> 00:38:04.079
gotten into relationships with these narcissists based on these false

686
00:38:04.119 --> 00:38:09.920
manipulations made and created to get you to believe that

687
00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:13.599
they actually are there for you, now that they've done

688
00:38:13.679 --> 00:38:16.599
these sacrifices to be there for you, so that that

689
00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:18.920
they do this in the beginning, so that you later

690
00:38:19.039 --> 00:38:25.239
on sacrifice. You later on sacrifice for them because you

691
00:38:25.320 --> 00:38:28.360
feel bad because they're going to bring up the thing

692
00:38:28.400 --> 00:38:33.480
that they've sacrificed over and over and over again.

693
00:38:34.039 --> 00:38:34.440
Okay.

694
00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:38.840
And for example, I was accepted somewhere a long time

695
00:38:38.840 --> 00:38:41.199
ago that I really wanted to go and I and

696
00:38:41.239 --> 00:38:43.599
I didn't do that because I was newly married and

697
00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:45.400
I might have brought it up one time. I never

698
00:38:45.400 --> 00:38:48.599
brought it up again. Okay, it did. It was something

699
00:38:48.639 --> 00:38:50.440
that I really wanted, but I didn't take could have

700
00:38:50.519 --> 00:38:51.960
done it. Hey, that was my choice.

701
00:38:52.599 --> 00:38:53.000
Okay.

702
00:38:53.719 --> 00:38:56.639
But and that was a real thing that was actually real.

703
00:38:56.719 --> 00:38:58.960
I was there something that it was actually tangible. There's

704
00:38:59.000 --> 00:39:02.679
actual documentation, you know. But so it's not some fake fakery. Okay,

705
00:39:02.719 --> 00:39:04.440
So that's another side, because there's a lot of fakery,

706
00:39:04.960 --> 00:39:08.480
a lot of fakery with these narcissists, right, fake realities,

707
00:39:08.559 --> 00:39:14.239
false false reality. So this was a true reality. However,

708
00:39:14.519 --> 00:39:17.719
there's some times that narcissists are honest about some things

709
00:39:18.320 --> 00:39:22.679
in their own manipulative way, and they will bring that up,

710
00:39:22.679 --> 00:39:25.719
and even if it's a false reality and there was

711
00:39:25.880 --> 00:39:29.800
no thing, they will roll that game over and over

712
00:39:29.840 --> 00:39:33.320
and over again. Okay, oh I was you know when

713
00:39:33.360 --> 00:39:35.400
I met you, I was in this relationship. I ended

714
00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:37.719
this relationship that was the love of my life to

715
00:39:37.760 --> 00:39:42.239
be with you. Well, okay, for real, but they'll bring

716
00:39:42.239 --> 00:39:45.519
it up over and over again. Okrect or I sacrifice

717
00:39:45.559 --> 00:39:47.559
myself for this or I had to do with this,

718
00:39:47.639 --> 00:39:49.599
And so you start feeling bad. So I need you

719
00:39:49.639 --> 00:39:52.480
to realize if you're feeling bad about something that the

720
00:39:52.519 --> 00:39:54.840
other persons sacrificed, and I need you to really write

721
00:39:54.920 --> 00:39:57.639
down what was the thing that they sacrificed. I need

722
00:39:57.679 --> 00:40:00.679
you to really look at it. What did they say sacrifice?

723
00:40:01.400 --> 00:40:07.719
What was it really was it anything? Was it absolutely anything?

724
00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:13.280
Probably not. I also need you to realize when they

725
00:40:13.320 --> 00:40:17.199
bring up this sacrifice piece, how does it make you feel?

726
00:40:17.280 --> 00:40:19.119
And how often do they bring up.

727
00:40:19.039 --> 00:40:21.159
The piece that they sacrifice, because they're going to bring

728
00:40:21.239 --> 00:40:29.039
up the sacrifice over and over again because it works.

729
00:40:30.679 --> 00:40:33.719
I mean, if you are manipulated and you're good at

730
00:40:33.920 --> 00:40:37.639
being made to feel bad, you're a perfect candidate for

731
00:40:37.760 --> 00:40:42.320
narcissistic abuse. Okay, that's what they're looking for. A narcissist

732
00:40:42.320 --> 00:40:45.000
doesn't get with another narcissist, that's just not gonna work.

733
00:40:45.559 --> 00:40:50.119
A narcissist doesn't get with, you know, a sociopath or

734
00:40:50.119 --> 00:40:53.280
an anti anti social behavior type person, that's not gonna

735
00:40:53.280 --> 00:40:55.639
work because the sociopath end, you know, they're they're gonna

736
00:40:55.679 --> 00:40:57.800
beat up on the narcisst The narcissists is a small

737
00:40:57.840 --> 00:41:01.400
time potatoes for them. They don't have emotion really based

738
00:41:01.480 --> 00:41:03.199
on anything, so they don't have any empathy, so they

739
00:41:03.199 --> 00:41:05.920
don't care. It doesn't work for them. That type of

740
00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:08.320
manipulation doesn't work at all because they can't be manipulated

741
00:41:08.360 --> 00:41:11.159
because they don't feel bad about any of that stuff anyway,

742
00:41:11.159 --> 00:41:14.760
It doesn't matter, might not even remember it. But if

743
00:41:14.800 --> 00:41:18.559
you are codependent or even have BPD signs and symptoms,

744
00:41:19.199 --> 00:41:23.840
or a combination of BPD and codependent, or just pretty

745
00:41:23.920 --> 00:41:27.559
much like just a normal person with just normal realities.

746
00:41:27.559 --> 00:41:29.320
And I'm not saying normal normal, I'm just saying, like

747
00:41:29.760 --> 00:41:32.559
there's healthy. You know, if you're truly a healthy person

748
00:41:32.599 --> 00:41:34.719
that has really worked on yourself, you will not accept

749
00:41:34.719 --> 00:41:35.559
this type of reality.

750
00:41:35.800 --> 00:41:37.920
You will fight against that. And I think over time

751
00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:38.639
all of us do.

752
00:41:38.800 --> 00:41:41.519
As we get healthier and healthier, as we get more

753
00:41:41.519 --> 00:41:43.400
and more aware of who we are, as we get

754
00:41:43.440 --> 00:41:46.000
more and more aware of really the direction we want

755
00:41:46.000 --> 00:41:49.000
our life to be, we exit stage right from these people.

756
00:41:49.039 --> 00:41:51.320
So eventually, over time, if this person doesn't change your

757
00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:53.960
augment or get better, there's a point in time when

758
00:41:54.000 --> 00:41:55.880
you have to put your foot down and say I'm done. Right,

759
00:41:55.920 --> 00:41:58.480
there's a point in time when you are done. You've

760
00:41:58.519 --> 00:42:04.079
had enough. It is over, Sirenara, see you later, good night, Okay.

761
00:42:04.119 --> 00:42:04.519
Perfect.

762
00:42:04.519 --> 00:42:06.559
We know that that's that's something that we can relate with,

763
00:42:06.679 --> 00:42:08.960
that's something that we can agree to you, right, So

764
00:42:09.599 --> 00:42:14.039
that is something that we deal with. However, in the process,

765
00:42:14.119 --> 00:42:17.199
many of you are in the process right now, right

766
00:42:17.840 --> 00:42:22.000
where it's you know, that hasn't happened. We're not there yet.

767
00:42:23.000 --> 00:42:25.320
We're still in the process of can I handle this?

768
00:42:25.800 --> 00:42:28.880
Will they change? Oh my god, I'm in this relationship.

769
00:42:28.880 --> 00:42:31.320
I've been married for a few years and this has

770
00:42:31.360 --> 00:42:35.000
gotten really out of control. I'm unhappy going home. I'm

771
00:42:35.119 --> 00:42:39.800
unhappy dealing with my spouse. It gets bad every night.

772
00:42:39.800 --> 00:42:42.920
It's an argument of fight. You know, there's a few

773
00:42:42.960 --> 00:42:45.239
good times here and there, but the good times are

774
00:42:45.360 --> 00:42:49.639
just not outweighing the bad. And when the writing on

775
00:42:49.719 --> 00:42:52.360
the wall becomes a parent, that's when we have the issue.

776
00:42:52.400 --> 00:42:55.119
And the writing on the wall becomes a parent, that's

777
00:42:55.159 --> 00:42:58.000
when we have an issue. And that's when we have

778
00:42:58.079 --> 00:43:01.440
to get real about where we're at and what we're doing.

779
00:43:02.159 --> 00:43:05.280
And I think that's very important to us in the

780
00:43:05.320 --> 00:43:08.280
situation where we get real about it, and it's in

781
00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:11.840
an effort to really understand kind of where we're at

782
00:43:12.199 --> 00:43:13.760
and what we're doing. And so I want you to

783
00:43:13.800 --> 00:43:15.760
write down what if they used to trigger you with,

784
00:43:17.039 --> 00:43:18.800
what are the triggers, And I want you to look

785
00:43:18.800 --> 00:43:21.280
at it from every angle. I want you to get

786
00:43:21.320 --> 00:43:25.119
so comfortable with those triggers that if they bring it up,

787
00:43:25.159 --> 00:43:29.639
I mean, it's hard to be so comfortable that you

788
00:43:30.599 --> 00:43:34.079
laugh at the triggers, but I want you to get

789
00:43:34.079 --> 00:43:36.400
close to that. I want you to get close to that,

790
00:43:36.440 --> 00:43:39.280
because these triggers only work if they trigger you to

791
00:43:39.320 --> 00:43:43.000
get angry or upset or sad. If you don't get angry, upset,

792
00:43:43.079 --> 00:43:46.320
or sad, even if you're just neutral, it doesn't work.

793
00:43:47.679 --> 00:43:52.239
It's much better to be neutral than happy or laughing.

794
00:43:52.559 --> 00:43:54.480
We don't need to go to that extreme. That's crazy

795
00:43:54.599 --> 00:43:56.480
extreme too. We don't want to do that. We just

796
00:43:56.519 --> 00:43:58.800
want to be neutral and an effort to be neutral

797
00:43:58.840 --> 00:44:08.039
because I remember a neutral neutrality zeros out supply. So

798
00:44:08.480 --> 00:44:14.039
if I'm neutral in my response, I eliminate supply to

799
00:44:14.239 --> 00:44:18.639
the narcissists. Oh well, yeah, I remember you were talking

800
00:44:18.639 --> 00:44:21.480
about you know, your ex husband and dah da da

801
00:44:21.519 --> 00:44:24.119
da Oh remember that? What about that situation? You know,

802
00:44:24.199 --> 00:44:27.880
if you can get over and overcome this in coaching

803
00:44:27.920 --> 00:44:31.719
and therapy, I remember I'm a life coach and I

804
00:44:31.760 --> 00:44:34.880
have three therapists that work with me. And you know,

805
00:44:34.960 --> 00:44:37.320
you can go online to Ashleyburgs dot com. Go to

806
00:44:37.360 --> 00:44:40.840
Ashleyberges dot com, click on the coaching section and you

807
00:44:40.840 --> 00:44:43.599
can see everybody in their bio and everything else. And

808
00:44:43.639 --> 00:44:47.239
you can work with somebody to overcome these triggers. If

809
00:44:47.239 --> 00:44:50.440
you can overcome your triggers, this person has no more

810
00:44:50.480 --> 00:44:54.480
power over you. This person has zero power over you

811
00:44:54.519 --> 00:44:58.000
if you can overcome your triggers. That's all I'm saying.

812
00:44:59.119 --> 00:45:01.239
So I want you to really look at those triggers.

813
00:45:01.280 --> 00:45:03.119
What are the triggers that they use against you on

814
00:45:03.159 --> 00:45:07.000
a constant basis? Why does it hurt you? Why does

815
00:45:07.039 --> 00:45:09.760
it hurt you? Why does it anger you? Why does

816
00:45:09.800 --> 00:45:12.119
it upset you? Why does it get under your skin?

817
00:45:12.559 --> 00:45:15.320
Why does it create you anxiety? Why does it create

818
00:45:15.360 --> 00:45:17.639
you stress? Why does it do this? Well? I mean

819
00:45:17.679 --> 00:45:20.440
I need you to really analyze what are the on

820
00:45:20.719 --> 00:45:23.320
heeled pieces of you that you have to deal with

821
00:45:23.480 --> 00:45:24.679
to deal with this?

822
00:45:25.159 --> 00:45:25.559
Okay?

823
00:45:26.679 --> 00:45:29.599
And if there's guilt, why do you feel guilty? But

824
00:45:29.679 --> 00:45:34.000
there's sadness? Where's the sadness coming from? Then I want

825
00:45:34.039 --> 00:45:41.440
you to examine also their shortcomings because the narcissist has

826
00:45:41.920 --> 00:45:48.400
a lot of shortcomings. They are full of shortcomings. That's

827
00:45:48.440 --> 00:45:52.960
their middle name, Okay, that's who they are. They have

828
00:45:53.039 --> 00:45:57.400
shortcomings all over the map. They hide them well by

829
00:45:57.440 --> 00:46:00.519
making you feel bad about yours. Okay, so they are

830
00:46:00.920 --> 00:46:04.440
far from perfect. They're them, you know, they're they're They're

831
00:46:04.480 --> 00:46:08.559
great at boosting themselves up. Oh I'm smarter, I'm more educated,

832
00:46:08.679 --> 00:46:13.320
I'm better looking, I'm younger, I'm this, I'm that, I'm

833
00:46:13.360 --> 00:46:15.559
you know, I got more friends than you. You know,

834
00:46:15.599 --> 00:46:19.719
whatever it is, Okay, they will build themselves up in

835
00:46:19.760 --> 00:46:22.199
an effort to put you down. I also want you

836
00:46:22.280 --> 00:46:28.519
to begin to look at these supposed sacrifices. These sacrifices

837
00:46:28.559 --> 00:46:33.199
are usually bs like they had this bigger, better deal

838
00:46:33.239 --> 00:46:35.440
that they left because of you to help you out.

839
00:46:35.480 --> 00:46:37.679
I'm telling you a narcissist is not ever going to

840
00:46:37.760 --> 00:46:40.239
leave a bigger, better deal for you. They're just not.

841
00:46:41.320 --> 00:46:44.280
That's not who they are. They will always take the bigger,

842
00:46:44.280 --> 00:46:47.360
better deal. They will always take what's easier. They will

843
00:46:47.559 --> 00:46:51.480
always choose that way of life. They're not going to

844
00:46:51.639 --> 00:46:55.960
sacrifice real sacrifice for anybody unless they think that in

845
00:46:56.039 --> 00:47:01.760
the end game that is going to be the best choice. Okay,

846
00:47:03.960 --> 00:47:06.880
unless they think in the end game that is going

847
00:47:06.920 --> 00:47:09.320
to be the best choice. So I need you to

848
00:47:09.320 --> 00:47:13.039
think about that, analyze that, look at that sacrifices false fake,

849
00:47:13.280 --> 00:47:15.719
fake realities. And I also need you to look at

850
00:47:15.719 --> 00:47:24.320
their false reality of life. Okay, they have created a

851
00:47:24.599 --> 00:47:33.280
false reality that you have bought into. You have bought

852
00:47:33.280 --> 00:47:39.280
into this false reality of who they are and what

853
00:47:39.360 --> 00:47:42.519
they're about. And I need you to recognize that many

854
00:47:42.559 --> 00:47:44.519
of you, when you first meet a narcissist, they will

855
00:47:44.519 --> 00:47:46.679
tell you about all their friends. They look like they're

856
00:47:46.719 --> 00:47:48.840
on top of the world, YadA, YadA, YadA. Some of

857
00:47:48.840 --> 00:47:51.400
them do have a lot of friends, most of them don't.

858
00:47:51.440 --> 00:47:53.719
Most of them treat people pretty badly, so over time

859
00:47:53.760 --> 00:47:57.760
those people leave. Sometimes it's just a false reality. They've

860
00:47:57.800 --> 00:48:00.599
created it. But also I need you to really when

861
00:48:00.639 --> 00:48:04.760
you have been manipulated, because usually the narcissist seems larger

862
00:48:04.800 --> 00:48:08.000
than life, or they appear to be a certain way,

863
00:48:08.079 --> 00:48:11.559
and because you are trying to co create this reality

864
00:48:11.639 --> 00:48:14.880
with them, you buy into the falsehoods and the false

865
00:48:14.960 --> 00:48:19.199
realities and these become a problem for you. And understandably,

866
00:48:19.320 --> 00:48:24.559
over time, that creates more of a problem once you

867
00:48:24.679 --> 00:48:28.920
realize that this wasn't true. Once the veil is removed.

868
00:48:29.760 --> 00:48:34.599
When the veil is removed, that is when you start

869
00:48:34.679 --> 00:48:40.400
seeing their truth. And the truth is very interesting because

870
00:48:40.440 --> 00:48:42.480
you don't really know what's truthful or not, because they

871
00:48:42.519 --> 00:48:45.119
have you going, because they're very good at manipulating you,

872
00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:49.079
keep taking you off your game, making you question your reality,

873
00:48:49.239 --> 00:48:50.920
all in an effort to keep the smoke screen of

874
00:48:50.960 --> 00:48:52.760
mirrors going so that you don't leave them.

875
00:48:52.760 --> 00:48:55.400
Now, the other thing about a nariss.

876
00:48:56.840 --> 00:49:01.119
Is they will tell you know how much you need,

877
00:49:01.239 --> 00:49:07.199
how much you need them. You know you need me,

878
00:49:08.719 --> 00:49:11.800
you know, not the other way around, right, And you

879
00:49:11.840 --> 00:49:15.639
start believing it. You start believing it. Oh my god,

880
00:49:15.960 --> 00:49:19.039
I can't this person can't leave me. I need this person.

881
00:49:19.239 --> 00:49:21.559
Oh god, what am I gonna do if this person

882
00:49:21.719 --> 00:49:23.119
leaves me? Oh my god?

883
00:49:23.280 --> 00:49:26.920
Oh but you believe it, right, because you've fallen for

884
00:49:27.000 --> 00:49:30.079
this false reality because now and then what they do

885
00:49:30.159 --> 00:49:32.239
is they tell you about how much they You need them,

886
00:49:32.360 --> 00:49:34.760
You need them, you need them, you need them. And

887
00:49:34.760 --> 00:49:36.679
then they slowly say, hey, but I'm gonna leave. I'm

888
00:49:36.719 --> 00:49:39.239
out of here, I'm gonna divorce you, I'm leaving, I'm going,

889
00:49:39.440 --> 00:49:41.960
I'm gonna move out tomorrow. I'm gonna, i'm gonna, I'm gonna,

890
00:49:41.960 --> 00:49:43.920
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, and you go.

891
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:46.599
Oh no, I'm gonna lose my whole life if this

892
00:49:46.639 --> 00:49:50.199
person leaves me. Are you serious? They have literally gotten

893
00:49:50.239 --> 00:49:50.559
you in.

894
00:49:51.360 --> 00:49:55.079
You know, part and parcel to believe in their false reality.

895
00:49:56.599 --> 00:49:59.480
They've got you even believing that the false reality is true.

896
00:49:59.559 --> 00:50:01.000
That's what it's so crazy.

897
00:50:01.079 --> 00:50:05.800
That's what gets crazy making They got you believe in it,

898
00:50:06.639 --> 00:50:09.639
and then you worried about it and stressing about it

899
00:50:10.599 --> 00:50:13.000
and thinking they're gonna leave you. I'm like, God, what

900
00:50:13.079 --> 00:50:15.360
am I gonna do? They're gonna leave me? What am

901
00:50:15.400 --> 00:50:18.840
I gonna do? I need you to think about that,

902
00:50:18.920 --> 00:50:23.599
because that in and of itself is very interesting, and

903
00:50:23.719 --> 00:50:27.719
many of you are right there right now not realizing

904
00:50:28.199 --> 00:50:32.800
that you're actually the golden goose. Right you're laying the

905
00:50:32.840 --> 00:50:38.159
golden eggs, but they are saying, you know that your

906
00:50:38.199 --> 00:50:42.199
eggs are rants it. You know, you're your eggs or rancid.

907
00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:46.239
You're bad, you're spoiled, You're a bad person.

908
00:50:47.199 --> 00:50:47.719
You know what I mean.

909
00:50:47.800 --> 00:50:50.000
You're the golden goose. But you know what, if the

910
00:50:50.079 --> 00:50:55.519
golden goose believes that they're garbage or trash or whatever

911
00:50:55.559 --> 00:50:58.840
you'd like to say, then there you go. This is

912
00:50:58.880 --> 00:51:01.480
something that we have to get above. This is something

913
00:51:01.519 --> 00:51:04.639
we have to realize this is the beginning of recognizing

914
00:51:04.719 --> 00:51:08.320
the full on manipulation by the narcissists and how they

915
00:51:08.400 --> 00:51:13.000
do this peace by piece to get you to lose

916
00:51:13.039 --> 00:51:17.119
your identity and stress about them leaving you. When I

917
00:51:17.199 --> 00:51:19.199
return and be talking more about this and more ways

918
00:51:19.199 --> 00:51:21.599
to safeguard you, because that's what matters. Is up to

919
00:51:21.639 --> 00:51:25.199
you to safeguard you, to eliminate this manipulation from your life.

920
00:51:25.239 --> 00:51:28.400
Say tuned Liberty Life Perspectives with your host me Ashley Burgess,

921
00:51:28.440 --> 00:51:30.079
will be back in I'll be.

922
00:51:30.039 --> 00:51:31.119
Back this time. You know it.

923
00:51:31.199 --> 00:51:44.840
I'll be back this time in two shakes.

924
00:51:45.760 --> 00:51:49.920
Get in here. You're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

925
00:51:52.639 --> 00:51:55.360
Welcome back live to Liberty Life Perspectives and I'm your host,

926
00:51:55.400 --> 00:51:58.519
Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I've been talking about narcissistic

927
00:51:58.559 --> 00:52:01.760
manipulative emotional use and how to overcome that.

928
00:52:01.840 --> 00:52:03.800
I need you to really work on those triggers.

929
00:52:03.840 --> 00:52:07.920
So to anybody that's listening to the show, analyze your triggers.

930
00:52:07.920 --> 00:52:11.159
Think about these triggers, write them down. Why do they

931
00:52:11.199 --> 00:52:13.360
hurt you so much? Why do they affect you? This

932
00:52:13.480 --> 00:52:18.719
is very powerful things to think about, extremely powerful things

933
00:52:18.719 --> 00:52:21.719
to think about and just trying to figure that out

934
00:52:21.840 --> 00:52:24.599
is where we need to be. So line up your triggers.

935
00:52:25.199 --> 00:52:28.519
What are my triggers think about that? Why do they

936
00:52:28.599 --> 00:52:30.719
upset me? Why do they hurt me? Why does when

937
00:52:30.760 --> 00:52:33.760
this person bring this up this upsets me or hurts me? Also,

938
00:52:34.199 --> 00:52:39.280
there are supposed sacrifices. Okay, now I want to look

939
00:52:39.320 --> 00:52:47.239
at what you have sacrificed. What have you sacrificed to

940
00:52:47.320 --> 00:52:50.840
be with them? I want you to look at that.

941
00:52:52.039 --> 00:52:53.840
I want you to really analyze that. I want you

942
00:52:53.880 --> 00:52:56.760
to really think about that, because that is real. That's

943
00:52:56.760 --> 00:53:00.480
some real stuff. That's some real stuff right there. What

944
00:53:00.840 --> 00:53:05.199
have you sacrificed? And now I want you to think

945
00:53:05.199 --> 00:53:07.000
about that too, because I want you to realize that

946
00:53:07.159 --> 00:53:10.159
when we're dealing with narcissistic abuse, it shows us the

947
00:53:10.199 --> 00:53:12.119
work that we need to do on ourselves. It shows

948
00:53:12.199 --> 00:53:14.159
us the work that we need to do to better

949
00:53:14.280 --> 00:53:16.239
our life, to take care of ourselves. And these are

950
00:53:16.360 --> 00:53:20.400
very interesting situations. These are very interesting situations that need

951
00:53:20.440 --> 00:53:23.079
to be taken care of. And if we can look

952
00:53:23.119 --> 00:53:27.679
at that, and we can analyze that, and we can

953
00:53:27.760 --> 00:53:31.239
go there and we can work through that, we can

954
00:53:31.280 --> 00:53:34.800
get really far. Because not only are we dealing with

955
00:53:34.840 --> 00:53:36.840
the things that are triggering us and scaring us and

956
00:53:36.960 --> 00:53:40.280
upsetting us and all that great stuff. We're actually working

957
00:53:40.360 --> 00:53:42.800
on being better than we were yesterday. We're working on

958
00:53:42.880 --> 00:53:45.840
being a healthier version of us. And so the only

959
00:53:46.079 --> 00:53:50.960
golden piece of nugget of this happening is because it reveals.

960
00:53:51.719 --> 00:53:53.199
The sources of pain.

961
00:53:54.440 --> 00:53:59.639
You're dealing with, because they are focusing on your pain

962
00:54:00.360 --> 00:54:04.280
on a daily basis to get you to push your

963
00:54:04.360 --> 00:54:06.400
buttons to make you feel bad. So as long as

964
00:54:06.440 --> 00:54:10.079
you get that, that's one thing. I guess there's not

965
00:54:10.079 --> 00:54:11.559
really a lot of good things that come from this.

966
00:54:11.639 --> 00:54:14.679
I can't really, you know, change this or make this

967
00:54:14.719 --> 00:54:16.800
any better, But I'm just saying these are the things

968
00:54:16.840 --> 00:54:19.159
that we need to realize. We need to focus on those,

969
00:54:19.199 --> 00:54:20.960
and then you need to start looking at what they

970
00:54:21.000 --> 00:54:25.679
are doing. Are they bringing anything to the table, What

971
00:54:25.760 --> 00:54:27.719
are they really doing in your life? What are they

972
00:54:27.760 --> 00:54:30.679
really providing you in your life? Is there anything besides

973
00:54:30.719 --> 00:54:33.079
pain and agony that this person is providing? Need you

974
00:54:33.079 --> 00:54:35.159
to really think about that, because if there is something

975
00:54:35.199 --> 00:54:38.159
like a financial predication or whatever, we need to also

976
00:54:38.239 --> 00:54:41.239
reveal that too and understand that because that would lead

977
00:54:41.239 --> 00:54:42.840
to more of a fear factor of why you're still

978
00:54:42.840 --> 00:54:46.320
staying in the relationship. Is it financial? Is it because

979
00:54:46.320 --> 00:54:47.159
you don't want to be alone?

980
00:54:48.519 --> 00:54:49.280
You know what is it?

981
00:54:49.320 --> 00:54:51.679
What's what's that factor? And that's the other thing that

982
00:54:51.719 --> 00:54:55.239
you have to look at is what's the fear of

983
00:54:55.480 --> 00:54:57.719
leaving them? You know, why are you in fear of

984
00:54:57.800 --> 00:55:00.840
leaving them? Is? What do you what do you feel

985
00:55:00.880 --> 00:55:05.440
like you lose? What are you what would you actually

986
00:55:05.880 --> 00:55:12.400
what would you actually lose? And these are very very

987
00:55:12.400 --> 00:55:15.159
important questions that we can talk about because this is

988
00:55:15.199 --> 00:55:19.440
where we get to a very powerful position in our lives,

989
00:55:19.519 --> 00:55:22.280
because we begin to own our own stuff. We don't

990
00:55:22.280 --> 00:55:25.480
have somebody trying to run our life. We're not allowing

991
00:55:25.519 --> 00:55:28.239
somebody to take over our life. We're not allowing somebody

992
00:55:28.480 --> 00:55:31.880
to run game in our life. We're actually standing up

993
00:55:31.880 --> 00:55:36.239
to this person, this bully, really this manipulative, you know,

994
00:55:36.480 --> 00:55:40.880
psychologically emotional bully that is.

995
00:55:40.840 --> 00:55:41.440
Like a child.

996
00:55:41.559 --> 00:55:44.559
So you're dealing with like this child that's very upset,

997
00:55:44.679 --> 00:55:46.679
very angry. He doesn't want anybody to be happy around them,

998
00:55:46.679 --> 00:55:49.920
wants to manipulate and control everybody. And if you're dealing

999
00:55:49.960 --> 00:55:52.400
with this, this has probably brought you down mentally and emotionally.

1000
00:55:52.480 --> 00:55:54.920
It's upset you, it's angered you, it's cause fear, and

1001
00:55:54.960 --> 00:55:57.119
I want you to really look at that and see

1002
00:55:57.119 --> 00:56:00.000
that for truth. In the meantime, check out my website.

1003
00:56:00.119 --> 00:56:03.239
We redid the entire website. It's the fifth change in

1004
00:56:03.440 --> 00:56:06.360
years and years, and I'm really happy about it. Go

1005
00:56:06.400 --> 00:56:10.280
to ashleybe ERGEs dot com Ashleyburgess dot com and you

1006
00:56:10.280 --> 00:56:12.760
can check out the new coaches and therapists that are

1007
00:56:12.800 --> 00:56:14.559
working with me, which is super cool.

1008
00:56:15.320 --> 00:56:17.360
Also, if you haven't gone over.

1009
00:56:17.280 --> 00:56:20.599
To YouTube lately, go to Life Coach Ashley Burgess Go

1010
00:56:20.639 --> 00:56:23.880
to Life Coach Ashley Burgess on YouTube. We almost have

1011
00:56:24.000 --> 00:56:27.679
two hundred thousand subscribers and we put new video content

1012
00:56:27.800 --> 00:56:30.280
up every week, at least two videos at the very

1013
00:56:30.320 --> 00:56:34.760
minimum every week to put up there on narcissism, on borderline,

1014
00:56:34.880 --> 00:56:38.119
on codependency, and the list goes on. So definitely take

1015
00:56:38.159 --> 00:56:39.920
a look at that when you get a moment in

1016
00:56:40.000 --> 00:56:43.719
time and the podcast, check out the podcast. Obviously you're

1017
00:56:43.760 --> 00:56:46.840
listening to the podcast right now. You know, we've been

1018
00:56:46.880 --> 00:56:48.880
around doing this for a long time. So let me

1019
00:56:48.880 --> 00:56:50.400
know if you have any thoughts or if you'd like

1020
00:56:50.440 --> 00:56:52.559
to come on the show and talk about your situation

1021
00:56:53.159 --> 00:56:57.000
with the narcissist, overcoming narcissistic abuse, dealing with the relationship

1022
00:56:57.039 --> 00:57:00.639
with borderline personality disorder, you know, overcoming co dependency, and

1023
00:57:00.639 --> 00:57:02.480
the list goes on. So, if you'd like to join

1024
00:57:02.519 --> 00:57:04.039
my show, I want to be on the show, go

1025
00:57:04.119 --> 00:57:08.480
to Ashleyburgers dot com, click on that contact page, send

1026
00:57:08.480 --> 00:57:11.800
me a message. I will respond within forty eight hours

1027
00:57:11.840 --> 00:57:14.239
of receiving that message, and we will rock and roll

1028
00:57:14.239 --> 00:57:16.360
from there. I hope that this show has helped you.

1029
00:57:16.400 --> 00:57:18.639
Please share with family and friends and anybody that's in

1030
00:57:18.639 --> 00:57:20.320
a type of relationship like this that you see is

1031
00:57:20.360 --> 00:57:23.360
being manipulated, controlled and that they're losing their identity in

1032
00:57:23.400 --> 00:57:26.039
the process. They need to be saved and if you

1033
00:57:26.079 --> 00:57:29.920
can help save them, you are one hundred percent going

1034
00:57:29.960 --> 00:57:32.400
to be in really good favor, but also doing the

1035
00:57:32.440 --> 00:57:34.119
right thing by your friend and doing the right thing

1036
00:57:34.119 --> 00:57:37.800
by the universe. Stay tuned, tune back into the next podcast,

1037
00:57:38.159 --> 00:57:40.159
check out the YouTube, check out the website. Look at

1038
00:57:40.199 --> 00:57:42.400
your life perspectives with your host me. Ashley Burgers will

1039
00:57:42.440 --> 00:57:44.760
be back in I'll be back this time, back at

1040
00:57:44.760 --> 00:57:45.119
this time.

1041
00:57:45.159 --> 00:57:51.320
In three shakes,