Sept. 12, 2024

Identify & Understand Love Bombing: Protect yourself from Fake Love. [Ep.774]

Identify & Understand Love Bombing: Protect yourself from Fake Love. [Ep.774]

Love bombing and real love are two completely different things. The scariest part of being love bombed is that most of us don't know we're being love bombed. On this episode of the podcast, I’ll address what is love bombing, the phases of love...

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Apple Podcasts podcast player iconSpotify podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player icon

Love bombing and real love are two completely different things. The scariest part of being love bombed is that most of us don't know we're being love bombed. On this episode of the podcast, I’ll address what is love bombing, the phases of love bombing, the signs and symptoms of being a victim of love bombing, the relationship patterns of a love bomber, and why we fall into the trap of believing this is true love and a perfect relationship. In the beginning, of a relationship that begins with love bombing, we believe we have found the ultimate relationship. We get caught up in the whirlwind of the “romance,” believing we have found the love that is only seen in romantic films. I want to help you to identify love bombing before you get extremely hurt mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Listen through to the end of this podcast episode to properly educate and self-guard yourself from emotional pain and suffering.

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WEBVTT

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You're in a good place now. You are listening to

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Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back live to Live Yourture Life Perspectives and I'm

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your host Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I want to

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discuss the concept of love bombing, the longevity of love bombing,

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and where you can expect to find it, because I

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believe that a lot of times when we are being

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love bombed, we don't even know it. We don't even

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know that the bomb's gone off. We have no idea

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it has because we don't know what it means. We

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don't know what love bombing means. We have no idea,

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and so we're confused. But not only are we really confused,

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we don't really know anything's wrong. I mean, what's wrong

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if you're in a relationship and somebody really cares about

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you and they're doting on you and taking care of

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you and doing all these things for you, and you're like, wow,

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I've I've never experienced this. I've never had anybody like

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listen to everything I say or laugh at my jokes

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all the time, are there all the time for me?

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Or really actually care or say nice things to me?

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You know, many times we don't even realize it's happening.

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We just think, oh my god, we finally found it.

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We've finally found the love that we've seen on movies,

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like on those feel good movies, those rom cons, those

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you know, meet cute movies. Oh my god, this is

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the one. I've found the one. And this show is

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not it's not to you know, diminish real love. It

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is not to you know, tarnish or jade anybody. That

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is not what this is for. But it is to

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be able to identify when this is not meet cute,

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This isn't true love. This is love bombing and trying

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to identify it prior to you being hurt mentally, emotionally, spiritually,

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and List goes on. The problem with love bombing is

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that when we're in the middle of it, we don't

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even know we're getting it. We don't even understand what

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we're actually dealing with. It would be like running a

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race that you don't even know you're in.

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Right.

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If I'm running a race and I don't even know

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that I'm in the race, then what really happens. I'm

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probably not going to really run, I'm not going to

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be that effective, and I'm sure not going to really

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understand what's really happening.

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So it's really good.

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To be able to understand the particulars of a given

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situation and how to really understand if indeed this is

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your current situation, just to be able to bring on

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your own sanity, your own security, all those good things

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that we need to keep to keep ourselves solid. And

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so when we're looking at love bombing, we're looking at

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various different aspects of love bombing. So we usually most

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people say, hey, this person like went above and beyond

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more than anybody I've ever met has. Okay, that's the

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first thing. Usually they also say, you know, I've never

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been given this much attention from another person, and it

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was really wild because I'd never experienced this type of attention.

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I've never had that attention.

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You know, I was raised in a family dynamic that

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I didn't get a lot of attention. A lot of

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us who have been in family dynamics where mom or

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dad had signs and symptoms which we probably did not

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know and had no idea that they had cluster b

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dynamics signs and symptoms. You know, it's interesting because a

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lot of times, the majority of the time in these situations,

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in these family dynamics, we don't get attention. We don't

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get you know, lavish attention or you know, or listen

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to or any of that. I mean, so when you

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finally get it, you're like, WHOA, this is amazing. This

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is the most amazing experience I've ever had. And this

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person really does care about me, They really do love me.

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This is the love I've never ever experienced. This is

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the love that I've always dreamed of. The problem about

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it is is love bombing and love are two different things, Okay,

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two different things completely, and we have to be able

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to be aware of that in order to safeguard ourselves. Okay,

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So the purpose of today's conversation podcast, radio show, whatever

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you like to call it. I like to call it

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a conversation. The purpose of it is to not only

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help awaken, educate, but safeguard. And this is where I

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really want us to focus. This is what I really

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want us to think about, because in order to safeguard ourselves,

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there's a lot of things that we have to become

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aware of. There's a lot of pieces to the puzzle

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that we not be aware of, might not be aware

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of what's really happening.

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Okay.

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An interesting part about love bombing too is that it's

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not always gonna happen. It doesn't happen in a very

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relationship with someone with BPD or MPD. It just doesn't

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always happen. But the majority of the time, to some degree,

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it does. It just depends on the level. It depends

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on the level of love bombing and the length of

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time the love bombing. The level the intensity, right just

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for all purposes, is called the intensity of the love bombing,

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and then the timeline.

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The length.

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The timeline is important because the length of the love

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bombing is important to you because see, many people not

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one size fits all, right, So there'll be people that

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love bomb that love bomb for you know, a year,

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and that's pretty long length of time. There are some

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people that will love bombing you for three months, four months,

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maybe even five months if you're lucky, and that might

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be the most amazing few months of your life. You know,

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I've had coins tell me, you know, when we first met,

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you know, it was like they were doting on me,

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checking on me when I left after the first date,

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and subsequently, you know, oh, call me when you get home,

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let me know you're safe. You know, I would come

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over and they would have baked me a cake or

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you know, or you know, take you know, or they

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took me out to this lavish dinner or bought me

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this jewelry, or it took me on this trip.

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And it was just a whirlwind.

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Romance and you know, maybe the sex was amazing and

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it was consistent and there and there's a lot of

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you know, there's a lot of romance and all this

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intensity all at once, and you know, there's I don't

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know if there's any sort of average love bombing statistics

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out there. I haven't seen seen the average I love

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bombing statistics. I'm sure, but we could put that together

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out there. But you know, I think that you know,

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if you look at the average, I would say that

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it's going to be mostly average, will be six months, right,

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maybe less, And I think I and I think that

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even before the six months is up, and it's not

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always this way, but I would say the average at

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around the you know, the four or five months, six months,

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things are starting to wane and it's not the same intensity.

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And some of you might say, hey, I onlyk got

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love bomb like with intense amount for like two months

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or maybe three months and then all of a sudden Wait.

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See now, the difference between love bombing and love is

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the fact that the love bombing wears off, okay. And

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the difference between love and love bombing is that love

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bombing is based on the image. Okay, it's the image

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the other person has in their mind.

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About you. Okay, it's the image of you, not you.

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Okay.

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So please don't confuse that.

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It's a very big difference and it's very confusing to

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a lot of people. So don't try try not to

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confuse that, because if you confuse that, right when we

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confuse that, we actually start questioning what we should be,

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you know, awakening to you and going, oh, I don't

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know about this as a red flag okay, so instead

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of going, oh, this is so great, we should be

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like red flagging it, red flag and it watch out

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bird dog this. We need to watch out about this, Okay.

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So it's very important that we are aware because what's

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happening here is that usually the person that is love

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bombing you has love bombed other people. You're not the

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first one, I'm sorry to say, You're not the first

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person that they love bombed. It's not you're not the

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one and only, and I know that sometimes we were like, gosh,

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dang it, that makes me feel pretty bad. But I'm

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just being honest here. I gotta be straightforward with you.

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Because when people love bomb, they've loved bombed in the

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past and multiple, multiple relationships, and that's what they do.

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They love bomb. That's what they do is they love

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bomb and they get you in and you know, and

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it's not just their it's it's not just I hate

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to use the word fault, it's not just them, because

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we're eating it up, right. We eat it up over here,

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we eat it up over here, and we're in the

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process of Ooh, I really like this, this is amazing,

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this is awesome. I love this, this feels really great.

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Oh I haven't had this.

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Ooh this is not. So we're eating it up.

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And then the process of eating up the love bombing

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we begin, and it's really wild. We begin to change

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ourselves and we don't even know it. We don't know it.

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We don't even know we're doing it.

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That's what's so wild.

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We don't even know we're doing it. I'll give you

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a good example. I had a client. We were talking,

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you know, recently about the excessive love bombing, and you know,

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they're on the other side of this and trying to

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remove themselves. We're a very toxic relationship, however, and it

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takes two. It's not just one person that's all this toxicity.

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Now I'm not saying not putting on just the one person,

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but one of the biggest things that they did while

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they were being love bombed, instead of going into the

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office and working and really really they actually kind of

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put their.

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Work on hold.

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They they I mean like they had a lot of work,

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and they put work on hold and they just kind

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of overlooked it. They had other people try to pitch

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it for them on their work. They were not following

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through on their own work. And an effort to be

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with this person all the time, and an effort to

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be with them all the time because they felt so

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good around the love bombing, and they said, you know,

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I took trips I didn't even have time to take

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I was out of town you know for like fourteen

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hours at one point in time, I mean fourteen hours,

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fourteen days at one point in time, taking all these

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different trips and going all these different places. Because you know,

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that's what they wanted to do. They were so into that,

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and so they were like literally like not even going

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to work and an effort to keep this person happy

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because they were feeling so great about the love bombing, right,

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so they started forgetting about their own responsibilities because they

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were loving this lavishing of you know, of care.

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And it's really about attention.

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And it's very interesting because when it's almost like this

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attention is great, but if you actually see it outside

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of if you actually see it in the context, So

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if you actually realize the love bombing.

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As it's happening in the moment, it's.

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Actually kind of weird and discussing and not cool and

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all those really kind of weird feelings because you start

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because you start realizing the only reason this is working

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on me is because I've been raised in a family

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where I didn't get a lot of attention. I was

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in a lot of relationships where I didn't get a

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lot of attention. And I have code of penditendencies, and

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I like attention and I like people to care about me.

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And I'm mistaking this stuff right here. I'm mistaking it

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for real care, and it's not real care. It's actually

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a mechanism to keep you. Sometimes some people know that

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they're doing it, okay, some people know that they're doing it,

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but it's a way to manipulate you, okay, and to

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keep you so you don't leave.

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Also, a lot of.

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It, too, is the fact that they've created this reality

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around you that doesn't truly exist. You are not this

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perfect person. However, they've created that reality, and we're gonna

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talk more about that here in just a bit. So

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hang on, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll

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talk more about that in just a couple of moments.

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Stay tuned, Live your True Life Perspectives with me, your host,

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Ashley Burges, will be back.

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In I'll be back this time. You know it.

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I'll be back this time in two shakes.

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Turn it up and jump in the deep end on Perspectives.

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Now here's Ashley.

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Welcome back live to Liberty Life Perspectives and I'm your host,

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Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I'm revealing the truth about

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love bombing. I'm revealing the truth because love bombing is

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not love. It's actually very far from love. It's a manipulation.

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It's a control factor. It's a way of keeping you around.

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It's also just a way that a lot of people

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have begun every relationship that they've ever known because out

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of their own fears of being alone.

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And so when we're love bombing and.

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We don't even know what's happening, most of us don't

249
00:14:49.080 --> 00:14:51.360
even realize it because we've confused the love bombing with

250
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the love and there's there's lots of attention and a

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lot of care.

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And it's interesting because when.

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You start realizing what you're really dealing with, it's kind

254
00:14:59.159 --> 00:15:01.799
of it's kind of almost yucky because you realize that

255
00:15:01.879 --> 00:15:05.559
this is a control mechanism that this other person's using

256
00:15:05.639 --> 00:15:08.759
on you. You also realize that this other person has

257
00:15:08.799 --> 00:15:11.759
this deep, deep, deep fear of abandonment and wants to

258
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keep you around. Also has created this image of you

259
00:15:15.399 --> 00:15:17.960
in their minds that you are perfect and you can

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do nothing, absolutely zero wrong, which is not going to

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00:15:22.200 --> 00:15:24.440
last forever, let me tell you that. And many of

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you that are listening to this right now are probably like, oh, yeah,

263
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I have been there, done that, got the T shirt,

264
00:15:31.240 --> 00:15:34.240
the sweatsuit combination, the tope bag Ashley.

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I understand.

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And the thing is is that when we go through this,

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it does feel good, and that attention does feel good,

268
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and it's you know, and we'll talk about the perfect

269
00:15:43.799 --> 00:15:47.000
puzzle piece later, but you know, it's like it does

270
00:15:47.279 --> 00:15:50.679
feel really good, except for when you realize what's really happening.

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And like what I was saying right before the break

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is it's image. It's about the concept of you being perfect.

273
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You can do nothing wrong. You are perfection. And when

274
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I mean by perfection.

275
00:16:03.320 --> 00:16:06.440
What I'm meaning by that is, you know, they.

276
00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:09.919
Actually hear things, that they can actually see things differently.

277
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You know.

278
00:16:10.919 --> 00:16:13.960
I've even had clients, you know that say that, you know,

279
00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:17.600
once the love bomb was over, you know, and and

280
00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:20.519
and I was taking off this pedestal, you know, I

281
00:16:20.639 --> 00:16:22.799
was told all these things that I said that I

282
00:16:22.919 --> 00:16:25.039
never said. I mean, I never said I did this,

283
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or I never said I did that. I never said

284
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I was I had all this money. I never said

285
00:16:30.320 --> 00:16:32.840
that I had a big corporation like this. I never

286
00:16:32.919 --> 00:16:35.480
said that I won the I never said any of that.

287
00:16:35.559 --> 00:16:37.000
And it was all created.

288
00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:40.159
They said, I might have said things that were somewhere

289
00:16:40.200 --> 00:16:43.000
near that, but I never said that. It was taken

290
00:16:43.039 --> 00:16:46.399
completely out of contact, it was changed, it was augmented,

291
00:16:46.720 --> 00:16:49.039
so it was based on the image of what they see.

292
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And so if you're coloring somebody as perfection, no matter

293
00:16:55.879 --> 00:16:59.720
what they do, you overlook it. You're you're you're into it.

294
00:16:59.799 --> 00:17:02.519
This is great, this is the best person since sliced bread.

295
00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:04.480
And so I'm talking from the position of the person

296
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that is love bombing. And they see this perfect this

297
00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:10.440
perfect person that can do no wrong, and they see

298
00:17:10.440 --> 00:17:12.440
this image of this person that they love and they

299
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care about, and this is amazing, and it's.

300
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Image, image, image, image image.

301
00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:18.720
But they can't tell the difference between the person and

302
00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:23.440
the image in this process. And that's why love bombing

303
00:17:23.519 --> 00:17:30.680
is so dangerous. It's so dangerous because it is image,

304
00:17:31.640 --> 00:17:36.160
and at some point the image has to go away.

305
00:17:36.240 --> 00:17:40.039
At some point, the image vanishes, at some point, we're

306
00:17:40.039 --> 00:17:45.079
no longer looking at the image at some point. And

307
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:49.359
that's the curiosity here, that's the ramification, that's the rub

308
00:17:50.279 --> 00:17:54.480
is at once that perfection image piece goes away in

309
00:17:54.519 --> 00:17:59.000
the mind of the love bomber. Well, so does the

310
00:17:59.000 --> 00:18:02.839
love bombing, because all of a sudden, the person that's

311
00:18:02.880 --> 00:18:06.519
been love bomb does something or jars that person out

312
00:18:06.519 --> 00:18:09.759
of their image of that person, and then it's like, wait,

313
00:18:09.960 --> 00:18:13.599
it's the extreme opposite you're a horrible person. How could

314
00:18:13.640 --> 00:18:16.079
you do that? Oh my god, how could you say that?

315
00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:19.160
How could you do that? A perfect person wouldn't have

316
00:18:19.240 --> 00:18:23.079
done that. And so there's this huge extreme from one

317
00:18:23.319 --> 00:18:27.440
extreme to another, from the highest to high to the lowest.

318
00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:30.039
Of low, and there's everything in between.

319
00:18:30.119 --> 00:18:31.880
And we're going to talk about that here in just

320
00:18:31.920 --> 00:18:35.119
a little bit because this is really important to understand

321
00:18:35.119 --> 00:18:38.039
the cycle pattern. You know, once we understand the cycle pattern,

322
00:18:38.440 --> 00:18:41.119
the cycle of love bombing, then you might be able

323
00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:44.640
to spot where you are currently. To stay tuned and

324
00:18:44.640 --> 00:18:46.960
when we return, we talking about the cycle of love

325
00:18:47.000 --> 00:18:51.480
bombing Ligertry Life Perspectives with me your host Ashley Burdis

326
00:18:51.480 --> 00:18:56.119
WI back this time, will be back in two shakes.

327
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Wow, this is Jake Busey and you're listening to Perspectives

328
00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:13.000
with Ashley Burgess.

329
00:19:15.279 --> 00:19:17.680
Welcome back live to Live Yourture Life Perspectives and I'm

330
00:19:17.720 --> 00:19:20.960
your host Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I've been talking

331
00:19:20.960 --> 00:19:22.960
about love bombing and right now I want to talk

332
00:19:23.000 --> 00:19:26.559
about the cycle of love bombing because I think this

333
00:19:26.599 --> 00:19:29.960
is quintessential. It's quite essential to understand the cycle because

334
00:19:30.039 --> 00:19:32.000
until we really know the cycle, you might not know

335
00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:35.960
that you're going through it right now. You might not

336
00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:38.839
know exactly where you are in the cycle. So it's

337
00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:42.319
time to figure that out. Let's jump on board and

338
00:19:42.440 --> 00:19:47.799
really talk about the cycle of love bombing. Okay, the

339
00:19:47.799 --> 00:19:52.160
beginning is glorious. Ignorance is bliss. As long as you

340
00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:55.480
don't know what's going on or why you are addicted

341
00:19:55.519 --> 00:19:58.519
to this type of behavior, you're fine because it feels great.

342
00:19:58.920 --> 00:20:01.480
If you don't know what's in the sauce, it's okay, right,

343
00:20:01.519 --> 00:20:04.559
it's until you know what the ingredients are that ooh,

344
00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:07.880
it's a pretty bad situation, and you feel pretty bad

345
00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:12.160
about the entire situation and you're very upset. But right

346
00:20:12.200 --> 00:20:16.000
now we're in the concept of you know, we don't

347
00:20:16.000 --> 00:20:18.119
care how it's made. It is what it is, and

348
00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:21.200
so it's it's glorious. You're getting all the attention you want.

349
00:20:21.279 --> 00:20:24.319
You're you're getting all this love bombing. I can't say

350
00:20:24.319 --> 00:20:26.960
it's loved because it's not love, Okay. In order for

351
00:20:27.000 --> 00:20:28.880
it to be loved, the person would actually have to

352
00:20:28.920 --> 00:20:32.039
love you, not an image of you. Okay, So that

353
00:20:32.119 --> 00:20:34.319
beginning is great. Now, many of you that are listening

354
00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:37.720
to this podcast radio show conversation you and I are having.

355
00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:43.680
It's past that some of you are still in that

356
00:20:43.839 --> 00:20:47.799
what I call it still good, but something feels off stage.

357
00:20:48.599 --> 00:20:50.319
It's still good, but something feels.

358
00:20:50.039 --> 00:20:53.720
A little off. Hmm, I wonder what it is.

359
00:20:54.240 --> 00:20:59.039
Okay, Well, if you're there and you're like, just you know,

360
00:20:59.079 --> 00:21:01.880
it's just kind of odd. It's still good, but they've

361
00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:04.960
maybe made some comments to you, or they've gotten a

362
00:21:04.960 --> 00:21:08.000
little upset, or maybe a little passive aggressive here and there.

363
00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:10.880
But they come back around. Okay.

364
00:21:11.079 --> 00:21:13.640
The next stage is you've just been told off, you've

365
00:21:13.680 --> 00:21:18.279
been ghosted, there's been a lot of passive aggressiveness attitude,

366
00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:21.720
and you're like, what's happening? Okay, this is something's up.

367
00:21:21.799 --> 00:21:24.920
I've done wrong, I've been bad. I've been I better

368
00:21:24.960 --> 00:21:27.279
do better. I better do better. I better do lots better.

369
00:21:27.319 --> 00:21:30.720
I need to prove my value. Okay, I need to

370
00:21:30.880 --> 00:21:35.559
prove my value. I need to prove to this person

371
00:21:35.559 --> 00:21:37.720
who I am. And this is what I call the

372
00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:40.559
proving point where you feel like I got to do

373
00:21:40.599 --> 00:21:44.240
all this work and prove myself because this person's pointing out.

374
00:21:44.000 --> 00:21:48.759
All my flaws. All flaws are.

375
00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:54.680
Are are being pointed out, you know, and it's it's

376
00:21:54.720 --> 00:21:56.960
interesting how you know you're not pointing any of their

377
00:21:57.000 --> 00:21:59.359
flaws out because you haven't looked at any of them,

378
00:21:59.400 --> 00:22:03.079
because you've been eating up the attention so much. Okay,

379
00:22:03.319 --> 00:22:05.559
because this is also part of our issue too, right

380
00:22:05.559 --> 00:22:09.640
if we weren't so, you know, loving on this attention

381
00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:12.720
and eating it up and stopping it up with a biscuit,

382
00:22:12.759 --> 00:22:13.680
because that's what you're doing.

383
00:22:13.720 --> 00:22:15.480
You're stopping it up like it's gravy.

384
00:22:16.240 --> 00:22:20.880
Oh, I've never had this experience before. This feels really real.

385
00:22:21.400 --> 00:22:24.039
It's like a whirlwind romance. It's a whirlwind.

386
00:22:24.759 --> 00:22:25.000
Yeah.

387
00:22:25.039 --> 00:22:30.160
Anytime you put whirlwind romance together, oh step back? Please

388
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:31.160
do you step back?

389
00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:33.039
Please? Don't please?

390
00:22:33.079 --> 00:22:36.720
Don't wait around for that. That's problematic all in its

391
00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:42.680
own right. Whirlwind romance, yes, whirlwind marriage, I mean like

392
00:22:42.839 --> 00:22:45.960
long term relationship that lasts attests to time.

393
00:22:46.079 --> 00:22:49.680
You don't really ever hear whirlwind. You know, you might

394
00:22:49.720 --> 00:22:50.759
hear whirlwind marriage.

395
00:22:50.759 --> 00:22:53.960
And we got a divorce worl wind relationship and you know,

396
00:22:54.319 --> 00:22:56.680
you know, I have a you know, I don't want

397
00:22:56.680 --> 00:22:59.200
to ever see this person again or you know, and

398
00:22:59.519 --> 00:23:04.440
it's interesting. So you're trying to figure out what to do,

399
00:23:05.880 --> 00:23:07.640
you know, you got to do better. So you work

400
00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:10.000
really hard, and you give this person all this attention

401
00:23:10.079 --> 00:23:12.000
and you do everything you can for them, and you

402
00:23:12.039 --> 00:23:14.720
go out of your way for them, and you do

403
00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:17.440
all this work for them, and all this good stuff.

404
00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:26.039
For sure, very interesting, very intense, right, something to really consider.

405
00:23:27.319 --> 00:23:29.240
Then the next stage I call it his work. You

406
00:23:29.319 --> 00:23:33.839
better work, you better work, because you're trying to figure

407
00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:36.400
out all this stuff and nothing you're doing is sticking.

408
00:23:36.519 --> 00:23:39.079
You know, you're you feel like you're kind of been

409
00:23:39.160 --> 00:23:41.519
put out in the outhouse. You don't know what's happening.

410
00:23:43.960 --> 00:23:46.519
You're starting to worry because you're like, I don't like this.

411
00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:49.559
You know, everything was going well up until then. You know,

412
00:23:49.640 --> 00:23:53.000
how do I get it back? How do I get

413
00:23:53.039 --> 00:23:56.039
whatever this is back? And see, that's the crazy part

414
00:23:56.079 --> 00:23:58.119
about it is when you're at that point of how

415
00:23:58.160 --> 00:24:01.559
do I get it back? You know, how do I

416
00:24:01.599 --> 00:24:03.559
get You don't even have a word for it.

417
00:24:03.559 --> 00:24:06.119
There's no word. I mean, what are you trying to

418
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:08.799
get back? How do I get what back?

419
00:24:09.160 --> 00:24:10.720
But you don't even know what to put it at

420
00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:12.799
because you don't know that you're being love bombed, right,

421
00:24:12.839 --> 00:24:15.640
you don't know that. And then the next stage is

422
00:24:15.720 --> 00:24:19.359
all is good again. Okay, all is good back and

423
00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:23.720
we're all good. It's all all good. All good is

424
00:24:23.759 --> 00:24:29.480
the stage we're in. I'm back, baby, I'm back. I

425
00:24:29.480 --> 00:24:31.240
don't know where I'm at. I don't know where I'm

426
00:24:31.240 --> 00:24:34.839
back to, but I'm back because everything's normal again. It

427
00:24:34.880 --> 00:24:40.680
feels good that attention's back, the aka fake love is back.

428
00:24:40.799 --> 00:24:41.920
All this is back.

429
00:24:42.680 --> 00:24:45.200
Everything's good for a little while. But how long?

430
00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:49.359
And many of you are like, yeah, not for too long,

431
00:24:49.960 --> 00:24:52.160
or it was a couple of days or maybe a week.

432
00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:54.079
Maybe you got a couple of weeks. Maybe you got

433
00:24:54.079 --> 00:24:57.880
a month. That's a long time, that's a really long time.

434
00:24:57.920 --> 00:24:59.559
But most of you probably got a week, you know,

435
00:25:00.599 --> 00:25:02.839
maybe a couple of days. You know, some of you

436
00:25:02.920 --> 00:25:05.079
might have even gotten a day. Didn't get a lot

437
00:25:05.079 --> 00:25:08.319
of time. It fluctuates depending on how often you've been

438
00:25:08.359 --> 00:25:10.640
on and off this pedestal, because that's what I'm gonna

439
00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:14.400
call that, right, is the pedestal. And when you get

440
00:25:14.440 --> 00:25:21.039
on or kicked off the pedestal, and then the next

441
00:25:21.640 --> 00:25:24.519
you know, layer of this low bombing, which I consider

442
00:25:24.640 --> 00:25:27.799
layer six, which is called that hurt when you're kicked

443
00:25:27.839 --> 00:25:31.599
off the pedestal, you're kicked off this time and you

444
00:25:31.640 --> 00:25:34.480
didn't even see it coming. You didn't even see it coming.

445
00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:36.559
You don't even know how the heck this is happening.

446
00:25:36.599 --> 00:25:40.960
What's going on? I'm in the outhouse again. All this

447
00:25:40.960 --> 00:25:45.039
stuff's happening. I'm being yelled at, screamed at, or I

448
00:25:45.160 --> 00:25:50.640
have completely been blocked, or I passive aggression, or they

449
00:25:50.720 --> 00:25:52.720
just you know, we had a date, they didn't show up, whatever,

450
00:25:53.240 --> 00:25:56.039
and it's all one time, okay, And then you're like, wow,

451
00:25:56.079 --> 00:25:58.079
that really hurt. What's happening. You still didn't even know

452
00:25:58.079 --> 00:26:02.359
what's going on. So now even more so, you have

453
00:26:02.440 --> 00:26:05.359
this push and pull. Everything was good now it's not.

454
00:26:05.599 --> 00:26:07.960
I was feeling great Now I'm not. That was an

455
00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:13.319
amazing experience. Now I feel really sad. I feel really hurt.

456
00:26:13.400 --> 00:26:15.680
You know, what have I done wrong? What's wrong with me?

457
00:26:15.759 --> 00:26:17.920
What can I do to get your love back? What

458
00:26:17.960 --> 00:26:20.400
can I do? And in the process of what can

459
00:26:20.440 --> 00:26:22.480
I do to get your love back? I begin to

460
00:26:22.519 --> 00:26:24.079
start losing my identity.

461
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:25.000
We all do.

462
00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:31.440
That's what happens because you want that feeling back again.

463
00:26:34.519 --> 00:26:38.960
You want to feel like you are that person's number one.

464
00:26:40.960 --> 00:26:41.799
I mean, you're like.

465
00:26:41.839 --> 00:26:45.720
Oh and you don't even realize that it's kind of

466
00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:51.759
a gimmick, which is unfortunate. And so you start giving

467
00:26:51.799 --> 00:26:54.960
away things, you start doing things, You start making changes,

468
00:26:55.039 --> 00:26:58.599
you start trying to take vacations, you start buying jewelry,

469
00:26:58.799 --> 00:27:01.519
You start doing this, and then you start, I mean,

470
00:27:01.519 --> 00:27:04.519
you're washing cars for them. You know, you're taking them

471
00:27:04.519 --> 00:27:06.519
out to dinner. You know.

472
00:27:06.559 --> 00:27:07.359
The list goes on.

473
00:27:08.400 --> 00:27:10.359
You. Let me buy you a new phone, Let me

474
00:27:10.519 --> 00:27:12.559
let me get you that new iPhone, let me let

475
00:27:12.599 --> 00:27:14.799
me take care of that. Oh look, I'm surprising you.

476
00:27:14.880 --> 00:27:16.839
Oh oh, I'm surprising you.

477
00:27:17.880 --> 00:27:19.119
And you do all that, and.

478
00:27:21.839 --> 00:27:24.519
Each and every time that you fall off and what

479
00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:27.279
I consider be pushed off the pedestal.

480
00:27:27.400 --> 00:27:29.680
You do more and more and more and it takes

481
00:27:29.799 --> 00:27:32.240
more and more and more.

482
00:27:32.119 --> 00:27:37.920
Effort, more stuff, more things to get back there. Because

483
00:27:37.920 --> 00:27:41.240
again it's not real. Again, this is based on imagery.

484
00:27:41.279 --> 00:27:44.079
It's not based on you. If they make you out

485
00:27:44.119 --> 00:27:46.400
to be a villain in their head, you're a villain.

486
00:27:46.440 --> 00:27:48.240
If they make you out to be an angel in

487
00:27:48.279 --> 00:27:49.559
their head, you're an angel.

488
00:27:49.960 --> 00:27:51.160
It's not about who you are.

489
00:27:51.279 --> 00:27:52.839
It's not about I mean, yes, you can be a

490
00:27:52.839 --> 00:27:55.039
good person and you can be a nice person whatever.

491
00:27:55.079 --> 00:27:57.000
But I mean, if you're if you're a good person,

492
00:27:58.079 --> 00:28:00.759
you know this is about their imagery and how they

493
00:28:00.839 --> 00:28:03.599
see and critique what you're doing. Now, the interesting part

494
00:28:03.599 --> 00:28:05.960
about this is you're not critiquing or thinking about what

495
00:28:06.000 --> 00:28:08.359
they're doing, So they're really getting off with doing whatever

496
00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:10.920
they want and you're giving them everything that they want.

497
00:28:12.440 --> 00:28:17.039
You know, you're giving them everything. Why because you want

498
00:28:17.079 --> 00:28:22.440
that feeling. You want that feeling back, you want that feeling.

499
00:28:22.519 --> 00:28:25.960
And the sad thing is is that you start thinking

500
00:28:26.720 --> 00:28:32.799
that they are the only ones that can give you

501
00:28:32.839 --> 00:28:37.480
that feeling, that they are the only ones that can

502
00:28:37.519 --> 00:28:42.119
give you that feeling, and that is just not true,

503
00:28:42.759 --> 00:28:45.519
but it appears that way, and you begin to say, oh,

504
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:48.960
my happiness is based on them, My happiness is based

505
00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:52.000
on them giving me this feeling. My happiness is based

506
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:54.920
on them, My happiness is all about them, this is

507
00:28:55.079 --> 00:28:56.240
my happiness.

508
00:28:57.039 --> 00:29:00.559
Well, that is just not the truth. And I know

509
00:29:00.599 --> 00:29:01.400
it's hard to hear that.

510
00:29:01.480 --> 00:29:04.359
I know, I know it's hard to hear that because

511
00:29:04.359 --> 00:29:06.839
we don't want to believe that. We don't want to

512
00:29:06.839 --> 00:29:08.319
believe that, we want to believe that we are the

513
00:29:08.359 --> 00:29:10.880
love of this person's life, that they've never done this before.

514
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:14.319
This is not their motive, operende. It is not about image.

515
00:29:14.359 --> 00:29:17.079
They actually see us for ourselves. Are the only ones

516
00:29:17.079 --> 00:29:19.680
that can actually see us for who we truly are,

517
00:29:20.200 --> 00:29:23.319
and they're they're they're that one in a billion and

518
00:29:23.400 --> 00:29:26.319
they realize it. But see, the reason why we don't

519
00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:29.319
see it that way and we don't see the truth

520
00:29:30.839 --> 00:29:33.839
is because we don't want to see the truth. And

521
00:29:33.880 --> 00:29:38.839
that is our codependency is in the way of that.

522
00:29:38.960 --> 00:29:41.119
It's it's it's it's getting in the way of us

523
00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:43.759
seeing the truth. Our codependency is getting in the way

524
00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:48.440
of us seeing the truth. Here, our fear of being alone,

525
00:29:49.160 --> 00:29:55.079
our fear of you know, losing someone, our fear not

526
00:29:55.319 --> 00:29:59.480
having that attention, all these things go together in an

527
00:29:59.519 --> 00:30:02.519
effort for us not to see what's happening, because if

528
00:30:02.559 --> 00:30:04.920
you really realize what was happening, you'd be like, wait

529
00:30:04.920 --> 00:30:09.079
a second, this is this isn't right. They don't really

530
00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:11.640
love me for me. They love me for the image

531
00:30:11.640 --> 00:30:13.559
that they've created in their mind about me, And in

532
00:30:13.640 --> 00:30:17.319
any moment, that image can be changed very quickly, and

533
00:30:17.359 --> 00:30:20.160
then I'm no longer at the top of this thing.

534
00:30:20.279 --> 00:30:23.400
I'm in a bad position. This person's hating on me,

535
00:30:23.599 --> 00:30:26.079
and then I'm losing my identity to try to get

536
00:30:26.119 --> 00:30:30.519
back on this proverbial pedestal that I don't even really

537
00:30:30.519 --> 00:30:32.039
want to be on because I'm not going to be

538
00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:33.920
on it for very long. I'm gonna be taken down

539
00:30:33.960 --> 00:30:36.880
and eventually, you know, we haven't gone into it, but

540
00:30:36.920 --> 00:30:39.200
there's a part of the cycle where it's over. Man,

541
00:30:39.319 --> 00:30:42.359
it's over, you know, like the Big Olebowski.

542
00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:45.839
It's over. Man, it's over. It's done. It's a done deal.

543
00:30:47.039 --> 00:30:49.920
There's nothing left but.

544
00:30:50.119 --> 00:30:54.599
You trying to grovel to get back there. You taking

545
00:30:54.640 --> 00:30:59.480
the chromes of the relationship, the chromes, you know, because

546
00:30:59.519 --> 00:31:01.359
you really would love to be able to get that

547
00:31:01.400 --> 00:31:04.240
relationship back the way it was, but it hasn't been

548
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:07.039
that way in years. I mean, for any of you,

549
00:31:06.839 --> 00:31:09.440
if if you're where you if you're where you are

550
00:31:09.559 --> 00:31:12.079
with what I'm talking about right now, you know, some

551
00:31:12.160 --> 00:31:13.640
of you might have been married for years and you've

552
00:31:13.640 --> 00:31:16.039
been dealing with this for years upon years upon years

553
00:31:16.160 --> 00:31:18.640
upon years, and the times that you think about as

554
00:31:18.680 --> 00:31:21.319
the first year or two of the marriage or the relationship,

555
00:31:21.359 --> 00:31:23.759
and you go, God, if we could just go back

556
00:31:23.759 --> 00:31:28.880
to those times but those times weren't real. And that's

557
00:31:28.920 --> 00:31:33.920
the problem, is that you're thinking about times that weren't truthful.

558
00:31:33.960 --> 00:31:37.119
They weren't real, they weren't honest, they're they're based on

559
00:31:37.480 --> 00:31:44.079
false reality. It's not a reality, and it's just that's

560
00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:47.119
where the rub is. That's where the problem is, is

561
00:31:47.160 --> 00:31:52.200
that we keep looking back and romancing the situation. So

562
00:31:52.279 --> 00:31:59.319
we're romancing this relationship where we're we're doing it based

563
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:04.799
on the beginning, and that's not going to get us happiness.

564
00:32:05.640 --> 00:32:08.480
That's going to keep us in a state of not

565
00:32:08.559 --> 00:32:12.119
wanting to leave in hopes that we can get back

566
00:32:12.200 --> 00:32:18.359
the past, hoping we can get back the past, you know.

567
00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:22.279
And and the problem is that the past was not real.

568
00:32:23.319 --> 00:32:28.279
It was fabricated. And you know, it was fabricated because

569
00:32:28.359 --> 00:32:30.640
you know of what that person wants, the mo of

570
00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:34.319
that person, also the attention that we wanted, and how

571
00:32:34.440 --> 00:32:37.559
much attention we wanted. We believed in the false reality

572
00:32:37.599 --> 00:32:40.319
of this, and we fell into this. And then now

573
00:32:40.359 --> 00:32:43.519
we find ourselves feeling like a shell of a woman

574
00:32:44.359 --> 00:32:48.960
or a shell of a man, you know, as shell

575
00:32:49.079 --> 00:32:52.079
a woman or shell of a man, because well, things

576
00:32:52.079 --> 00:32:56.319
have changed and we begin to not realize because again,

577
00:32:56.680 --> 00:32:58.960
most of us don't know that this is love bombing.

578
00:33:00.119 --> 00:33:05.720
So we start judging ourselves, judging the situation, judging the relationship,

579
00:33:05.839 --> 00:33:08.839
judging what we've done, thinking about the past, feeling bad

580
00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:13.880
about mistakes we've made, all those things, beating ourselves up, denials,

581
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:16.680
you know, all those things that really get us into

582
00:33:16.720 --> 00:33:19.720
a bad pickle because we're in that situation where we.

583
00:33:19.640 --> 00:33:20.319
Still don't know.

584
00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:22.319
We thought, oh, I had all this attention from somebody

585
00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:24.240
that really loves me and really cares about me, and

586
00:33:24.279 --> 00:33:26.039
I've done something to ruin it.

587
00:33:26.119 --> 00:33:27.319
I've done something to ruin it.

588
00:33:27.559 --> 00:33:30.559
And then instead of beating, instead of like really getting

589
00:33:30.599 --> 00:33:33.400
angry about the situation, we end up internalizing it and

590
00:33:33.400 --> 00:33:36.880
get angry with ourselves. Okay, And so that's where the

591
00:33:36.920 --> 00:33:40.119
love bombing is so problematic, is because you know, you

592
00:33:40.119 --> 00:33:43.079
don't know what's actually happening too.

593
00:33:43.279 --> 00:33:45.440
You know, you crave that attention because.

594
00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:46.640
You didn't get it, you know when you were growing

595
00:33:46.720 --> 00:33:49.759
up in other relationships, and it feels really good. And

596
00:33:49.799 --> 00:33:51.680
you know, we like it when our egos are stroked too,

597
00:33:51.759 --> 00:33:54.480
you know, you know, we all like attention. It doesn't

598
00:33:54.519 --> 00:33:56.599
mean that we're all narcissists. This is sometimes we can

599
00:33:56.640 --> 00:33:59.839
have narcissistic tendencies and wanting attention for sure. It's just

600
00:33:59.880 --> 00:34:01.640
like you know, when we get attention to somebody, we

601
00:34:01.680 --> 00:34:05.079
don't realize there's more to it behind the veil. You know,

602
00:34:05.160 --> 00:34:07.079
we go, wow, this is really great, I'm getting this,

603
00:34:07.240 --> 00:34:09.519
you know what I want, and we, you know, miss

604
00:34:09.960 --> 00:34:13.880
misdiagnosed the relationship as love instead of love bombing. And

605
00:34:13.920 --> 00:34:15.800
so when I return to me talking more about you know,

606
00:34:15.920 --> 00:34:19.599
kind of things to do here understanding, you know, if

607
00:34:19.639 --> 00:34:21.840
you've realized, Okay, gosh, darn it, I am in a

608
00:34:21.880 --> 00:34:24.239
relationship where I've been love bombed, or I'm in a

609
00:34:24.280 --> 00:34:26.760
relationship now that the love bombing has been taken away

610
00:34:26.800 --> 00:34:28.159
and I'm picking up the croms.

611
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:30.920
What do I do next? You know what to do next?

612
00:34:30.960 --> 00:34:33.239
And so we'll be talking about that here briefly right

613
00:34:33.239 --> 00:34:35.760
after I get back from break and we can talk

614
00:34:35.800 --> 00:34:38.559
about that, because that's a big part of life and

615
00:34:38.639 --> 00:34:41.199
overcoming that and getting past that and moving on. And

616
00:34:41.199 --> 00:34:42.840
we have to do that to be able to move

617
00:34:42.880 --> 00:34:47.000
on and to become stronger because in the process, in

618
00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:48.119
the situation.

619
00:34:47.719 --> 00:34:50.079
We have lost our identity to some degree.

620
00:34:50.119 --> 00:34:53.239
Stay tuned Live your true Life Perspectives with your host me,

621
00:34:53.400 --> 00:34:55.880
Ashley Burdis, will be back. I'll be back this time.

622
00:34:56.079 --> 00:35:05.880
You know, I'll be back this time. In two shakes.

623
00:35:09.800 --> 00:35:15.440
Get in here. You're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

624
00:35:16.360 --> 00:35:18.440
Welcome back live to look at your life Perspectives and

625
00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:21.360
I'm your host, Ashley Burgess. We've been talking about love

626
00:35:21.400 --> 00:35:23.400
bombing in our conversation today and what do we do

627
00:35:23.480 --> 00:35:27.039
next once we realize, Hey, I've I've been love bombed

628
00:35:27.119 --> 00:35:28.760
and I thought it was love and I thought it

629
00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:30.599
was real and it's not. And this person fell in

630
00:35:30.599 --> 00:35:32.280
love with an image that they created in their own

631
00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:34.480
mind about me, and now they've taken me off this

632
00:35:34.559 --> 00:35:37.920
pedestal that I imagine was actual love. And I've been

633
00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:40.119
losing myself in the process to try to get back

634
00:35:40.119 --> 00:35:42.280
on this pedestal I didn't even know existed. And now

635
00:35:42.400 --> 00:35:44.000
I feel like a shell of woman or a shell

636
00:35:44.039 --> 00:35:46.039
with man. Now what do I do in my life?

637
00:35:46.599 --> 00:35:49.440
And the biggest part is to recognize the truth? You know,

638
00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:51.960
first off, it's just to recognizing And if you have

639
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:55.920
to listen to this podcast once twice, seventeen eighteen twenty

640
00:35:55.920 --> 00:35:58.880
two times, listen to it while you're running, while you're exercising,

641
00:35:58.920 --> 00:35:59.719
while you're driving.

642
00:36:00.280 --> 00:36:02.239
Just get it in the brain. Get it in the brain.

643
00:36:02.280 --> 00:36:03.880
Get in the brain, because eventually, once you get in

644
00:36:03.880 --> 00:36:06.840
the brain, it will communicate to the heart. It won't

645
00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:10.320
be lying to itself any longer. The second part is

646
00:36:10.360 --> 00:36:14.960
that you know, just realizing, Okay, I have given more

647
00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:17.559
of myself than I would have, and I've given more

648
00:36:17.599 --> 00:36:20.039
than I actually have to give, and I.

649
00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:20.519
Need to start.

650
00:36:20.559 --> 00:36:22.199
I need to pull back at this point, and I

651
00:36:22.239 --> 00:36:25.880
need to understand who am I and begin to rewrite

652
00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:29.719
myself and create my own blueprint of who I am.

653
00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:31.440
And that's what I do to help with client. So

654
00:36:31.480 --> 00:36:33.039
I help you to find that, I help you to

655
00:36:33.079 --> 00:36:34.880
define it. I help you to find yourself. I help

656
00:36:34.920 --> 00:36:38.239
you to safeguard yourself. I help you to be able

657
00:36:38.280 --> 00:36:42.519
to initiate this new protocol. It's a new life protocol.

658
00:36:42.519 --> 00:36:45.280
And I this is what I specialize in, very good

659
00:36:45.280 --> 00:36:47.800
at it. This is what people come to me all

660
00:36:47.800 --> 00:36:50.800
over the world for. And you know we have to

661
00:36:50.920 --> 00:36:53.280
at this point in time, it's time to begin to

662
00:36:53.480 --> 00:36:56.360
find us and really, honestly, for the first time, because

663
00:36:56.360 --> 00:37:00.920
we wouldn't have been prey to the love bombing. Had

664
00:37:00.960 --> 00:37:06.679
we had already been solid, it just doesn't happen because

665
00:37:06.679 --> 00:37:09.960
you would have seen it a mile away, and you

666
00:37:10.039 --> 00:37:12.000
might've gone for it for like a day, two days,

667
00:37:12.039 --> 00:37:14.119
a couple of weeks, Ah, this is great, and then

668
00:37:14.119 --> 00:37:16.400
you would have been like, yeah, this is really messed up.

669
00:37:17.119 --> 00:37:17.960
I gotta move on.

670
00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:20.199
This is not the kind of relationship I want to

671
00:37:20.199 --> 00:37:21.760
be in, because you would have seen it as what

672
00:37:21.880 --> 00:37:23.920
it is is very unhealthy.

673
00:37:24.840 --> 00:37:26.840
You would have been you wouldn't have been able.

674
00:37:26.639 --> 00:37:31.920
To unsee it. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

675
00:37:32.559 --> 00:37:34.639
Once you see it, you can't unsee it. And that's

676
00:37:34.679 --> 00:37:36.960
a whole powerful spot. So we would work on that

677
00:37:37.039 --> 00:37:39.559
as well. And the next thing would be like being

678
00:37:39.599 --> 00:37:43.000
able to not blame yourself. I mean, the fact is

679
00:37:43.039 --> 00:37:45.039
that many of us turn around and blame ourselves.

680
00:37:45.119 --> 00:37:49.199
Why didn't I know this? Why didn't I see it? Okay?

681
00:37:49.239 --> 00:37:52.800
Fine, well, I mean blaming yourself is easy because you're

682
00:37:52.840 --> 00:37:54.920
there and you've been off the pedestal for a very

683
00:37:54.920 --> 00:37:57.079
long time. You might come back and forth every you know,

684
00:37:57.639 --> 00:38:00.480
I don't know, maybe a couple every couple of weeks, months, years,

685
00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:02.800
but it doesn't last. And and a lot of times

686
00:38:03.000 --> 00:38:05.400
you know you're in that kind of discard pile. At

687
00:38:05.440 --> 00:38:08.519
some point where the discard pilet, you're still around, but

688
00:38:08.559 --> 00:38:10.280
it's painful to be around.

689
00:38:11.199 --> 00:38:13.360
It's it's painful to be around on a daily basis.

690
00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:16.800
Daily you're experiencing daily pain. You might get a few,

691
00:38:16.880 --> 00:38:20.400
you know, nuggets of chrumbs and stuff like that, but really, honestly,

692
00:38:20.440 --> 00:38:23.519
it's very painful. And so you know, I just want

693
00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:25.440
you to really think about this. Love bombing and love

694
00:38:25.519 --> 00:38:28.880
or two different things. You know, it's part of a

695
00:38:28.920 --> 00:38:31.880
way of a motive operante for a lot of people

696
00:38:31.960 --> 00:38:33.880
that are in fear of being alone, in fear of

697
00:38:33.880 --> 00:38:37.639
being abandoned. And it's perfect for the codependent that's in

698
00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:41.639
fear of not finding somebody, your fear of letting somebody down,

699
00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:43.960
or trying to do all those things for somebody and

700
00:38:44.039 --> 00:38:46.480
not really looking at their own life or really you know,

701
00:38:46.519 --> 00:38:49.199
focusing on what they need to be doing and trying

702
00:38:49.239 --> 00:38:52.000
to make that person happy and better and stronger.

703
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:54.480
And it's a perfect component, a perfect.

704
00:38:54.079 --> 00:38:57.039
Puzzle piece to fall intwo because if you don't need

705
00:38:57.119 --> 00:39:00.320
other people's attention, and you feel good about your yourself

706
00:39:00.320 --> 00:39:02.760
and you're very solid and you understand who you are,

707
00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:04.400
and that takes a lot of work, and it's fine

708
00:39:04.599 --> 00:39:06.360
most of us. It's a lot of work, and it's

709
00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:08.519
the reason why we're here on this planet. But once

710
00:39:08.559 --> 00:39:10.280
we have to go through that, and we're actually going

711
00:39:10.320 --> 00:39:13.159
through it, when somebody's giving us this attention, it would

712
00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:17.559
it would seem very hollow in nature, and you would

713
00:39:17.559 --> 00:39:21.960
be able to see and feel the difference and really

714
00:39:22.039 --> 00:39:24.480
see the difference because a lot of it's all in

715
00:39:24.519 --> 00:39:25.639
the words and stuff like that.

716
00:39:25.800 --> 00:39:27.239
It's not all about doing.

717
00:39:27.320 --> 00:39:30.639
It's a lot about saying, and this love bombing that

718
00:39:30.719 --> 00:39:33.119
makes it very interesting as well. So it's being aware

719
00:39:33.159 --> 00:39:35.840
of and seeing the truth in the process. If you

720
00:39:35.840 --> 00:39:38.639
haven't already check out my YouTube channel, go to YouTube

721
00:39:38.639 --> 00:39:41.800
and put in life Coach Ashley Burgess or Ashley Burgess

722
00:39:41.880 --> 00:39:44.960
b e r ges only Ease No Use and.

723
00:39:44.960 --> 00:39:46.400
Check it out. We had a lot of video content.

724
00:39:46.440 --> 00:39:48.920
We put out videos every week. Love to hear from you.

725
00:39:49.320 --> 00:39:50.960
If you'd like to work with me, go to Ashley

726
00:39:51.000 --> 00:39:54.400
Burgers dot com and click on that coaching tab and

727
00:39:54.480 --> 00:39:57.000
set up an appointment, or you can email me directly

728
00:39:57.039 --> 00:39:59.519
on the contact page and we can start working on

729
00:39:59.559 --> 00:40:01.719
this or other different issues that you might be wanting

730
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:04.519
to deal with and work with. I'd love to be

731
00:40:04.679 --> 00:40:07.719
a part of your changes and your power changes in

732
00:40:07.760 --> 00:40:10.119
your life. So in the process, if you found that

733
00:40:10.159 --> 00:40:12.400
you have been in a love bombing relationship or that

734
00:40:12.440 --> 00:40:15.440
you're love bombing somebody, this is some information that you've

735
00:40:15.480 --> 00:40:19.239
needed to be able to see this situation clearly, understand

736
00:40:19.239 --> 00:40:21.119
why this is happening to you, or why this is

737
00:40:21.159 --> 00:40:23.400
being done, or why you're doing this as somebody else.

738
00:40:23.719 --> 00:40:26.280
And it can be helpful to making improvements in our life,

739
00:40:26.280 --> 00:40:28.519
but also seeing the truth so that we can actually

740
00:40:28.559 --> 00:40:30.840
get the help that we need to move forward in

741
00:40:30.840 --> 00:40:32.800
our life in a healthy way, so we can actually

742
00:40:32.880 --> 00:40:35.679
find a sustaining relationship if that's what we want in

743
00:40:35.719 --> 00:40:38.239
the future. Stay tuned, I have more shows coming up

744
00:40:38.440 --> 00:40:40.440
and lave your True Life Perspectives with your host me,

745
00:40:40.559 --> 00:40:43.480
Ashley Burgus. Will be back in I'll be back this time.

746
00:40:43.519 --> 00:40:44.000
You know it.

747
00:40:44.280 --> 00:40:51.960
I'll be back this time in three shakes,