May 20, 2025

Identify and Safeguard Yourself from Malignant Narcissists. Ep. [797]

Identify and Safeguard Yourself from Malignant Narcissists. Ep. [797]
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In order to safeguard yourself, you must be able to identify malignant narcissists that are in your personal life, family dynamic, work environment, and people you may listen to on the news, on social media, and in politics. A malignant narcissist believes they are above you and everyone else. They will say anything and do anything to you no matter the pain and suffering you will endure. They have no remorse and no empathy for your pain and suffering. For some listeners of this podcast, you will realize that you may be living with or have a family member or friend who fits this description in every way. We see malignant narcissists post on social media constantly. A recent example is the “8647” post by former FBI director James Comey. He put the post out and then deleted it after people called him on it. Then he lies about not knowing what it meantYou may have a malignant narcissist in your life who says anything they want to you, in order to safeguard yourself, you need to know the level of narcissist you are involved with in your life. This podcast is straightforward and covers all symptoms and signs of a malignant narcissist.

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You're in a good place now you are listening to

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Perspectives with Ashley Burgess. Welcome back live to the Ashley

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Burgess Show. And today I want to talk about malignant narcissists,

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being able to identify malignant narcissist, understanding what a malignant

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narcissist is. And I'm going to give you some examples

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in the news with people who are malignant narcissists who

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decide that they can say whatever they want to say,

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they will do whatever they want to do, and it

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doesn't matter because they're not going to take responsibility for

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their actions. And if you're in a relationship with a

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malignant narcissist, you probably feel pretty beat down by now.

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You probably feel pretty beat down, very disappointed, very upset,

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and you're dealing with somebody that has absolutely zero empathy

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for you, and somebody that actually gets happiness, gets joy

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off of upsetting you, off of putting you down. Because

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these are small people that are hiding behind this big mask.

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And on today's show, I think it's very important to

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discuss this. I think that many of you might have

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a malignant narcissist in your life, and these people are

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a cancer. They are a cancer. You want to cut

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them out of your life. And you might be in

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a relationship with one of these people, and you're gonna

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have to safeguard yourself because you know, the care is

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not real care. And unfortunately, I don't know if they're

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even capable of loving anybody because of this entire concept

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of being so negative, being brutal, and not taking any

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responsibility for anything that they do or say. Okay, they

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can say anything they want to say, and then you're

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supposed to just take them back in good graces. Now

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if you flip the script and you say something rude

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to them, something that they consider mean or disrespectful, well

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you got another thing coming. Okay, they don't accept that

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type of stuff. They don't accept anybody going against them.

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And if you do, you will pay. You will pay,

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and they'll make sure that you do. And so today

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let's talk about what it means to be a malignant narcissist.

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And it's like it's like the top of the game

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of narcissism. When you become a millignant narcissist, you are

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an extreme narcissist. You know, you are right at that edge.

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I believe like antisocial behavior, people call it sociopathic behavior.

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You're right there, You're right up on there. Okay. There's

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not a lot of you know, division between that and that. Okay,

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so it's very close. It's like they're both sitting together.

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You got like the antisocial sociopath sitting next to the

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millignant narcissist in the car. And you know how when

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you take turns and stuff like that, people kind of

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collide in the back seat, you know, if they're not

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wearing a seat belt or what have you. And this

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is how close we are when we're dealing with these

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types of people. Okay, first off, you know, when we're

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thinking about a malignant narcissist, they are self important. They

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are so important, they are more important than anybody else.

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They have extreme arrogance. Okay, they are arrogant. They are superior.

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You are not superior to them. You are this peon.

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You are a peon to them. They think everybody's a peon,

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and they are superior to you. And they're going to

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tell you that. They're going to tell you that in

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every way. And the weird thing about it is for

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many of you, if you have a malignant narcissist in

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your life, I mean some of these people might have

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a decent title. Some of them might be you know, lawyers, doctors, politics, politicians,

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you know, what have you. But some of them don't

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have much going on at all. Okay, but they're still

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playing the same game. They're still arrogant and self important.

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No matter if they are not working at all, they

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could be playing video games on the couch, they're still

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they're still arrogant, and they still have this self important

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righteousness of being better and superior and more important and

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more educated and more everything than you are. They lack empathy. Now,

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this is one of the biggest things that gets me,

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is that you can have is you can have depression,

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you can have anxiety, you can have borderline personality disorder,

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you can have various things in your life. But when

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you don't have empathy for other people, that's a problem

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with me. Okay, that's a problem because when somebody doesn't

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have empathy for you, they don't care about you. Okay,

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let's just get that straight. Without empathy, they don't care.

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You might think you've got something with somebody, but the

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moment they can get something over on you, the moment

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they can take you out, they will, they will and

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they're happy about it. So I need you to really

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start looking around and thinking about this. When you're thinking

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about these characteristics that I'm bringing up in today's podcast,

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you know, you might want to share this with a

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buddy of yours, a friend of yours that's in a

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really challenging relationship that starts sounding like this, or maybe

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a parent or family dynamic, or even a boss dynamic. Okay,

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lack of empathy. They don't care about your feelings, they

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don't care about your needs, they don't care about any

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of that. It has nothing to do with them. It's

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all about them what they need, and everybody else is

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just a means to an end. Everybody else they only

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take care of if they need something from you. And

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once they get whatever they get from you and they're

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done with you, they will throw you away like trash.

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That is the way it is. Or they'll string you along.

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They'll string you along so that they can basically use

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you as their supply and their minion for as long

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as you will let them. They will hold you as

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long as I can and suck the last blood out

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of you. You know it, seriously, it's like a vampire.

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If they can keep their minions and their gruls around

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as long as they possibly can, they will until they

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kill them. And this is kind of the concept. And

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I'm saying that Millennant narses murder people, but I'm saying,

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you know, well, they could get very close as far

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as mineline emotional abuse as well as physical abuse as well,

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let's not you know, let's not take that out of

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the ballpark as well. Manipulation. Yes, they are the creators

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of manipulation. They are the creators of exploitation. They are

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the creators of doing this. They are great at it,

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and they gain from doing it, and they get great

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pleasure from play your buttons. And they get great pleasure

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for making you feel bad and putting you down and

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manipulating and triangulating and doing all these things and telling

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you all these things, and it doesn't come to pass.

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I mean. And what I find is that a malignant

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narcissist is a great future faker. Oooh, they are good

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at future faking. They will tell you anything, anything to

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get you to get along with them, to stay by

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their side, to provide for them to do everything. Oh,

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I'm gonna be this, I'm gonna do that, you know,

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I'm gonna be the president of the United States, I

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believe it. You know, whatever it is that they're telling

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you that they're gonna do that they have no intention

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of doing. And that's one thing that you really need

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to look at when you're dealing with any narcissists for

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that matter, but definitely a malignant narcissist. They like to

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play games with your head. They like to play a

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game with your head and get you to believe a story.

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Then you then they future faked. Oh guess what when

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when I when I'm this and I'm that, and I'm

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this and I'm that and all this stuff, and you

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start believing, and you start believing the high life and

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all this stuff that you're gonna have. But there's you know,

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they're not really wanting to do that at all. That

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is just a way. That's a game that they're playing

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in their own head to create the false reality to

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get you to be a part of this. And I

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think part of it is they're so out of touch

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with reality they actually believe some of these far fetched concepts.

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They actually believe some of this. And because they do

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all kinds of crazy stuff, I mean, like doing things

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that are absolutely insane, and thinking it's okay, like it's

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like that's not even part of reality, you know, it's

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like you got to really think about that. And they

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will exploit you as well. So in the process of

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using you, they will take advantage of you. They will

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make fun of you, you know, they'll talk behind your back,

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they'll do all kinds of stuff. And they're not friends

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to anybody. So don't think that one person's getting something

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over on you. They're taking advantage of every single person, okay,

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So they can get everything they want and then take

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off or keep using you. If you want to keep

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staying because you know they're not forcing you to stay,

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you might be staying because you're trying to get them

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to change or be better or understand who you are.

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And in the process, I don't really think that they're

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learning anything, and they don't plan on learning anything. It's

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you that keep waiting for them to learn or to

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wake up or to be more empathetic. So they also

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are very aggressive. Okay, they're very emotionally and verbally and

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physically aggressive with other people. Now sometimes not so physical

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because they don't want to go to jail or do

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that kind of stuff, but they will behind closed doors,

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emotionally and mentally beats you down, you know, sometimes to

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the point where they will rant and rave for hours

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on end, repeating themselves over and over again in the

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process of beating you down like mind control. This is

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how it works. Okay, I know this sounds crazy, but

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this is reality. This is what's really happening. If you

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look in the news every day, you have some malignant

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narcissists making some comment that if the average person did,

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they would be behind bars or be buried under the jail.

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And they still do it over and over again, no

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matter what they have done in their own life, no

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matter how bad they've been, no matter how illegal they've done,

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no matter what they've done to break the law, they

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still comment about other people in ways that are unbelievable

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that they have just the audacity to think they can

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do this. Because remember, they are bigger than life. They

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are arrogant. They will go to all extremes to preserve themselves,

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even no matter what it has to do, no matter

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if it has to ruin you, if they have to

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walk on people's heads and walk on people's bodies to

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get what they want, they will. That's just the way

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it is. And you know, it's sad. And some of

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you are in relationships with these people. Some of you

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are married to these people, and you keep coming up short,

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you know, because it's like they can't. It's like you

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get beat down, you get beat down, you get beat down,

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and then they give you a crumb, and then they

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beat you down more, and then they give you a crumb,

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and then you get beaten down more. And the mind

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control is probably one of the toughest things, you know,

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because many of you don't want to believe that this

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person actually has a problem. You don't want to actually

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accept the fact, you know that this is who you're

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dealing with, this is the type of person you're dealing with.

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You don't want to accept the fact that this is

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the person you're dealing with. And this is so sad,

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And I understand it's hard because many of you might

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have kids with these people, you know, long term relationships

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with these people. But you know, think about it, come

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to terms now before it gets even worse. They can

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be they're kind of say this, and they lack remorse,

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and they enjoy causing pain to other people and they

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don't have remorse for their actions. And I want you

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to really think about that. Let that sit in for

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a little bit. Let that sit in think about it,

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because they don't have any remorse, and it shows and

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their actions, it shows, and their statements and their comments

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and what they do and what they don't do. You know,

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it's like, you know, I'm very self aware and I

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care about how I treat other people, and it matters

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to me, you know, being a friend, a family member.

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I try to go the extra mile. I you know,

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I do whatever I can. And it is interesting to

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watch how some people don't do that at all. They

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have no intention of doing that. And it's it's really

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really all. It's really all about them, it really is.

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And you know, when you when you and see that's

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the thing is that it's so all about them, and

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they are so aggressive and they will come at you

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at any level. But at the same time, these same

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people are super paranoid. They're super paranoid. They're super suspicious

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of other people. You know, any sort of perceived criticism

228
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not good, any sort of perceived anything. If you try

229
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to tell them anything that's not good. If you try

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to give them any sort of help or guidance as

231
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far as hey, that's not right or whatever. They they

232
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will fight you, they will make fun of you, they

233
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will bring up anything and everything you've ever done. They

234
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also think everybody's watching them. They think everybody's watching them.

235
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They think that they know they're paranoid. They think that

236
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there's video cameras up everywhere and everybody's watching them. You know,

237
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like who cares. I mean some of these people, you know,

238
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you got nothing going on, Who really cares? Nobody's watching you?

239
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Nobody and somebody. Yeah, some people are watching you, but

240
00:12:16.519 --> 00:12:19.159
it's like, Okay, you might be in a public position,

241
00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:23.840
but otherwise, you know, probably not being watched. But you know,

242
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you think about the whole paranoid is you know, suspicion.

243
00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:27.759
It's like, I think a lot of that comes from

244
00:12:27.759 --> 00:12:30.159
the fact that they do wrong to people. They're constantly

245
00:12:30.200 --> 00:12:33.919
doing wrong, They're constantly hurting people, and so they're you know,

246
00:12:33.960 --> 00:12:36.399
they're watching their back because you know what, in any moment,

247
00:12:36.440 --> 00:12:38.639
they could get there, you know, they could get back

248
00:12:38.679 --> 00:12:41.240
what they sew, you know, And and I think that's

249
00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:45.399
definitely what's happening here with these folks. They're definitely paranoid

250
00:12:45.399 --> 00:12:48.200
and scared because they should be. They're constantly doing the

251
00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:50.799
wrong thing and expecting you know, it's okay. I mean

252
00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:54.600
they say crazy things, they do crazy things, and it's like,

253
00:12:54.679 --> 00:12:58.320
you know, if somebody retaliates, oh, then they're they're they're

254
00:12:58.399 --> 00:13:02.519
the jerk, they're the asshole. So if you retaliate, you know,

255
00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:04.519
and this is a form of abuse as well. I

256
00:13:04.600 --> 00:13:07.720
do all this stuff to you, and then you retaliate,

257
00:13:08.000 --> 00:13:10.159
and then I make an example of you and make

258
00:13:10.240 --> 00:13:12.320
you feel bad about it. Okay, this is this is

259
00:13:12.360 --> 00:13:16.919
a game, another game being played again by these types

260
00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:21.639
of people. Now, the manipulation and the deceit. I mean,

261
00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:25.360
they lie. They are skilled liars. They are good at it.

262
00:13:25.720 --> 00:13:31.639
They are great liars. They lie about every single thing. Okay,

263
00:13:31.759 --> 00:13:33.960
don't think that that thing might not be a lie.

264
00:13:34.080 --> 00:13:36.919
It's a lie, and it's probably a lie cooked up

265
00:13:36.960 --> 00:13:39.720
in another lie, wrapped up in another lie, and wrapped

266
00:13:39.799 --> 00:13:41.960
up in a riddle. I am not kidding you. I

267
00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:45.240
know that that sounds extreme, but you know, this is

268
00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:48.440
how these people operate. You know, you met them and

269
00:13:48.480 --> 00:13:51.440
they were lying to you. Right now, they're lying to you.

270
00:13:51.960 --> 00:13:54.440
They don't even sometimes I even wonder if there's if

271
00:13:54.480 --> 00:13:58.279
there's so much psychosis involved, you know, is there's so

272
00:13:58.480 --> 00:14:05.639
much psychosis that they actually believe their lives. And I

273
00:14:05.720 --> 00:14:07.399
know that they don't believe all of them. I know

274
00:14:07.480 --> 00:14:09.759
that for a fact, because I think they get off online.

275
00:14:10.200 --> 00:14:12.480
I think they like the fact of, you know, of

276
00:14:12.799 --> 00:14:15.879
of saying one thing and doing another and hooking somebody

277
00:14:15.919 --> 00:14:17.879
on the hook believing this is going to happen. It

278
00:14:17.919 --> 00:14:21.360
doesn't happen. They love that. They love that, and they

279
00:14:21.399 --> 00:14:23.600
want to lie to you and manipulate you so they

280
00:14:23.600 --> 00:14:26.440
can achieve their life goals that they want that they

281
00:14:26.480 --> 00:14:29.919
want you to help them carry out. Okay, they want

282
00:14:30.039 --> 00:14:33.399
you to help carry that out. You know, there's also

283
00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:36.320
that need for control and that need for power. They

284
00:14:36.440 --> 00:14:39.200
are power people. They are power hungry. They want they

285
00:14:39.200 --> 00:14:41.759
want power and dominance no matter what. And some of

286
00:14:41.759 --> 00:14:43.919
these people that want power and dominance, yes, they're in

287
00:14:44.279 --> 00:14:47.559
they're in the political limelight. They might be key lawyers.

288
00:14:47.879 --> 00:14:49.919
You know, you might be seeing them on social media

289
00:14:50.039 --> 00:14:52.519
all the time. But some of these people, yeah, I

290
00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:55.879
mean they're they're they're not, but they're still acting like that.

291
00:14:56.159 --> 00:14:58.240
And not that it gives anybody the right, no matter

292
00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:01.759
what your title is, to do that. But it's unbelievable.

293
00:15:01.799 --> 00:15:04.600
What's happening here, and you know it's on both sides.

294
00:15:04.679 --> 00:15:06.360
Let's not say that, oh oh well, you know, just

295
00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:08.440
one side's okay and the other side is not. No,

296
00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:10.679
I mean, this is constant, and some of these things,

297
00:15:10.720 --> 00:15:12.480
I mean, if you look at it, I mean, some

298
00:15:12.600 --> 00:15:14.919
of this stuff and a good example is and I

299
00:15:14.960 --> 00:15:17.480
know that, you know, it's just it's it's just it's

300
00:15:17.519 --> 00:15:20.480
really kind of wacky what James Kobe recently did in

301
00:15:20.519 --> 00:15:24.120
his social media, you know, comment about killing the president

302
00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:27.399
and he thinks that's okay. He thinks that's okay everybody.

303
00:15:27.440 --> 00:15:30.600
Everybody should be okay with that. And it's this lame excuse,

304
00:15:30.759 --> 00:15:33.559
you know, used by these shells. I supposedly, you know,

305
00:15:33.960 --> 00:15:37.080
put out four different you know numbers, you know that

306
00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:40.879
had no meaning whatsoever. And I've never seen shells like

307
00:15:40.919 --> 00:15:43.000
that in my life, you know, just be able to

308
00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:45.440
have four numbers spelled out at perfect you know, it

309
00:15:45.480 --> 00:15:48.559
was it was it was you know, wonderful graphics and

310
00:15:48.759 --> 00:15:50.440
you know, and then to say, oh, I didn't know

311
00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:52.240
what it was. I didn't know what it was. It's

312
00:15:52.279 --> 00:15:54.559
just this game. So it's like I'm basically saying I

313
00:15:54.600 --> 00:15:56.440
want to kill this person. But then I'm going to

314
00:15:56.519 --> 00:15:58.639
ask stupid about it, and I'm just gonna get away

315
00:15:58.679 --> 00:16:01.120
with it. And that's what all these people do, if

316
00:16:01.159 --> 00:16:03.080
you think about it, this is the constant game. They

317
00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:05.919
constantly gaslight you as well. So then I'm gonna put

318
00:16:05.919 --> 00:16:08.320
this out, But then I'm gonna gaslight you when you

319
00:16:08.360 --> 00:16:10.559
bring it up, and I'm gonna I'm gonna sit there

320
00:16:10.600 --> 00:16:12.879
and turn it around. And it's like, I think everybody's

321
00:16:12.919 --> 00:16:15.240
getting tired of this. I think people are getting tired

322
00:16:15.320 --> 00:16:20.000
of because it's really insulting people's intelligence, but also just

323
00:16:20.039 --> 00:16:22.639
insulting the fact that you know, we know this isn't

324
00:16:22.679 --> 00:16:25.120
a lie. We know that you didn't just come across this.

325
00:16:25.200 --> 00:16:27.039
We know exactly that you knew exactly what it was,

326
00:16:27.080 --> 00:16:29.320
and you knew exactly what you're planning to do. And

327
00:16:29.360 --> 00:16:32.159
you don't have any remorse or anything. That is how

328
00:16:32.200 --> 00:16:34.879
you feel, and you want to see that happen because

329
00:16:34.919 --> 00:16:37.399
that's what you want. Now. I personally don't want to

330
00:16:37.440 --> 00:16:39.519
see people dead. I don't know about you. This is

331
00:16:39.559 --> 00:16:41.559
not my thing. I'm not over there hoping to kill

332
00:16:41.559 --> 00:16:44.000
people or hoping to have somebody killed. But you see

333
00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:46.200
what I'm saying, This is the thought process of the

334
00:16:46.240 --> 00:16:51.600
maligant narcissist slash sociopath. Right, who's okay with that? I

335
00:16:51.639 --> 00:16:53.240
mean there's a ton of them. We can go through

336
00:16:53.279 --> 00:16:56.120
the whole list, okay, of all these people, and you

337
00:16:56.159 --> 00:16:59.039
know who I'm talking about, and it's constant. These people

338
00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:02.480
are constant. They do all these wrongdoings, they make all

339
00:17:02.519 --> 00:17:05.920
these illegal moves, they make all this money illegally, they

340
00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:08.559
do all these things illegally, right, and then they have

341
00:17:08.680 --> 00:17:11.920
the audacity to tweet about it, to put out on x,

342
00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:14.319
to do all this stuff, all this other stuff, calling

343
00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:17.359
out other things when it's like you need to be quiet.

344
00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:19.119
I mean, at some point you would think that these

345
00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:21.400
people have some sort of concept of man, I got

346
00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:24.000
away with murder and I need to be quiet. But

347
00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:28.319
they don't because guess what, they're above it. They're above

348
00:17:28.359 --> 00:17:35.440
it because they fall into this malignant, narcissistic, sociopathic, anti

349
00:17:35.559 --> 00:17:39.559
social behavior attitude that our society has been okay with

350
00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:45.119
for a very long time. Why is this okay? Why

351
00:17:45.200 --> 00:17:47.319
is this okay? And why do we give in to

352
00:17:47.400 --> 00:17:50.000
these people? Why do we give into these people? I mean,

353
00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:53.359
these are goals and goblins and we're giving into their

354
00:17:53.880 --> 00:17:57.519
stuff we're allowing their stuff in our lives, and it's

355
00:17:57.640 --> 00:18:03.119
just unacceptable. It is unacceptable behavior. And I, for one,

356
00:18:03.160 --> 00:18:05.640
I'm tired of having these people in our society. I mean,

357
00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:08.039
and I'm tired of interacting with these types of people.

358
00:18:08.440 --> 00:18:10.720
And I'm tired of these people taking over. And you know,

359
00:18:10.759 --> 00:18:13.200
it's sad that we don't have, you know, places where

360
00:18:13.240 --> 00:18:16.680
these people can go large masters of malignant narcissists to

361
00:18:16.720 --> 00:18:19.559
go to go get treatment. But see the other side

362
00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:21.039
of the coin is a lot of these people either

363
00:18:21.079 --> 00:18:23.559
have money, or they plan on never going, or they

364
00:18:23.559 --> 00:18:26.039
don't want to listen to other people, or they don't

365
00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:28.640
have the problem. And then the other side of the

366
00:18:28.680 --> 00:18:31.240
coin too is you have so many people that accept

367
00:18:31.319 --> 00:18:35.799
this type of attitude. They accept this type of attitude,

368
00:18:36.079 --> 00:18:38.640
and they accept this type of behavior and they continue

369
00:18:38.680 --> 00:18:41.759
to stick with it even when it's painful and disgusting.

370
00:18:41.839 --> 00:18:44.599
And so they always have somebody there in their corner

371
00:18:44.880 --> 00:18:47.880
that they can beat up. And that's a huge problem.

372
00:18:47.880 --> 00:18:50.359
And so if they were alone on their own, maybe

373
00:18:50.359 --> 00:18:53.599
their paranoia would take over, but they still have somebody

374
00:18:53.640 --> 00:18:57.200
to basically suck the life out of, because if they

375
00:18:57.200 --> 00:18:59.680
were really on their own and they had to do

376
00:18:59.799 --> 00:19:03.559
everything on their own, and they didn't have any support system.

377
00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:06.519
Even if it's support system, that's you know, you're supporting

378
00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:09.359
them and you're doing everything. I mean, what do they

379
00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:12.119
have And if they don't have any followers and they

380
00:19:12.119 --> 00:19:14.440
don't have any people that are in agreement with them,

381
00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:16.640
then you know, it could be a very different story.

382
00:19:16.759 --> 00:19:18.640
And I think that's something to really talk about right now,

383
00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:21.440
is how do we deal with these folks? How do

384
00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:24.880
we overcome these types of relationships? What do we do?

385
00:19:26.359 --> 00:19:27.960
How do we get out of these things? I need

386
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:31.319
you to first see that you're in it and admit it.

387
00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:33.480
And one of the first steps that you have to

388
00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:36.880
take is that is saying is you have to finally

389
00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:45.160
accept that this person is not going to change and

390
00:19:45.279 --> 00:19:47.599
wake up. They're not going to wake up and realize,

391
00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:50.359
oh my god, I'm an EmPATH and oh my god,

392
00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:52.799
I love humanity, and I love this person that I'm

393
00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:55.079
with and I care deeply and all this stuff. We

394
00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:56.880
have to come to terms with the fact that it's

395
00:19:56.920 --> 00:19:59.400
not going to get better, and we have to come

396
00:19:59.400 --> 00:20:01.839
to the terms with, you know, speaking our truth to

397
00:20:01.920 --> 00:20:05.160
a degree and then seeing how we are probably in

398
00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:11.279
a cycle pattern because of a previous relationship or a

399
00:20:11.319 --> 00:20:15.039
parental dynamic or a family dynamic. We're in a pattern

400
00:20:15.400 --> 00:20:18.480
of accepting these types of toxic people around us and

401
00:20:18.519 --> 00:20:23.640
trying to be there for them or caretake for them.

402
00:20:23.799 --> 00:20:26.079
Maybe we've always been the caretaker, and that's what you've

403
00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:28.839
always done. You've always been the caretaker, always the caretaker,

404
00:20:29.079 --> 00:20:31.200
and that's how you got attention, or that's how you

405
00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:33.039
got your mom to look at you or listen to

406
00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:37.240
your dad even you know, acknowledge your existence. Maybe you've

407
00:20:37.279 --> 00:20:40.680
always been trying to prove yourself. You've been the golden

408
00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:44.480
child and the family. Or maybe no, not the golden child.

409
00:20:44.559 --> 00:20:46.839
Maybe you're the black sheep of the family, and you're

410
00:20:46.839 --> 00:20:48.519
trying to prove yourself, you know what I mean. Like,

411
00:20:48.599 --> 00:20:50.880
it's interesting how the golden child and the black sheep

412
00:20:50.920 --> 00:20:53.200
can shift as well. But I know that many of

413
00:20:53.200 --> 00:20:54.920
you might have been the black sheep. You might still

414
00:20:54.920 --> 00:20:56.480
be the black sheep. You might still feel like the

415
00:20:56.480 --> 00:20:58.400
black sheep, but you might have done so much in

416
00:20:58.440 --> 00:21:00.640
the family and done so many good things, but it

417
00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:04.359
still doesn't matter because your older brother or younger sister

418
00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:07.799
can do no wrong. You know, they can walk on water,

419
00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:09.680
you know, even though they don't even hold down a

420
00:21:09.759 --> 00:21:13.039
job and they're still living with your parents. Right, So

421
00:21:13.079 --> 00:21:14.799
we got to accept the fact that we might have

422
00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:19.680
learned our behavior of accepting this horrible, horrible, terrible behavior

423
00:21:21.400 --> 00:21:24.680
because of our family dynamic. Even maybe some of you

424
00:21:24.759 --> 00:21:27.519
might have been in a previous marriage where you accepted

425
00:21:27.559 --> 00:21:29.519
this type of behavior. But I think it goes back

426
00:21:29.519 --> 00:21:31.920
to family. I think it goes back to family dynamic.

427
00:21:32.319 --> 00:21:34.720
I think it goes back to trying to prove ourselves,

428
00:21:34.759 --> 00:21:37.640
to trying to prove our value, because otherwise, when you

429
00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:40.119
look at these people intrinsically for who they really are,

430
00:21:40.599 --> 00:21:45.079
they're crap. And all they're doing is lying in future,

431
00:21:45.119 --> 00:21:48.680
faking you to make you believe something that many of

432
00:21:48.680 --> 00:21:51.000
them have these great stories, you know, oh you're gonna

433
00:21:51.039 --> 00:21:53.160
do this and that and all this stuff, and it

434
00:21:53.240 --> 00:21:55.799
never comes to pass, None of it comes to fruition,

435
00:21:56.559 --> 00:22:00.200
none of it happens. It's all bs, and they're you

436
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:02.319
are waiting for something to happen and it doesn't happen.

437
00:22:02.440 --> 00:22:05.720
And sometimes they're lying to us and they're selling us

438
00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:09.000
this bill of goods. But sometimes we're also just lying

439
00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:12.000
to ourselves. Right, Sometimes we're lying to ourselves like this

440
00:22:12.039 --> 00:22:15.279
is gonna get better. It's gonna get better. They're gonna change,

441
00:22:15.480 --> 00:22:17.200
you know, They're gonna wake up one day and see

442
00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:20.039
my value, or they're gonna wake up one day and realize,

443
00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:22.079
you know, or maybe I'm gonna make this comment to

444
00:22:22.119 --> 00:22:24.519
them and they're gonna wake up. And I want that

445
00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:27.119
to happen so bad too. It's not that I'm not saying, oh,

446
00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:29.319
I wish people. I'm not saying that I don't want

447
00:22:29.359 --> 00:22:32.000
them to wake up. That's not what I'm saying. I

448
00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:35.200
just don't. I don't think they will, because remember, it

449
00:22:35.279 --> 00:22:38.400
takes more than just words. It takes them to realize

450
00:22:38.440 --> 00:22:41.240
that they have a problem. It takes them to recognize

451
00:22:41.240 --> 00:22:44.440
that they have a deficiency. It takes them to change

452
00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:50.079
their entire mental mindset from being this amazing person that

453
00:22:50.119 --> 00:22:52.599
can do no wrong, that can shit on people and

454
00:22:52.640 --> 00:22:55.160
do whatever they want to do, and it's okay, it's permissible,

455
00:22:55.240 --> 00:22:57.519
not by you, but they are allowed to do it

456
00:22:57.640 --> 00:23:00.319
because they're above you. They're better than you, Right, that's

457
00:23:00.359 --> 00:23:02.880
how they feel. They actually think that. I'm not just

458
00:23:02.920 --> 00:23:05.480
saying that. That's what they think, and they probably tell

459
00:23:05.519 --> 00:23:07.519
you too, and you go, oh, don't say that you're

460
00:23:07.559 --> 00:23:09.839
being mean. No, but I'm sure that they do tell

461
00:23:09.880 --> 00:23:12.279
you how they really feel a lot, which is pretty

462
00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:15.240
pretty awful stuff. And so if you're dealing with somebody

463
00:23:15.240 --> 00:23:18.400
that has these signs and symptoms and they're constantly taking

464
00:23:18.400 --> 00:23:20.839
it out on you, you've got to sit back and realize

465
00:23:20.839 --> 00:23:24.119
this is a trauma bond. You are in a trauma bond.

466
00:23:24.119 --> 00:23:27.000
This is a very negative situation to be in, and

467
00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:29.839
you need to figure out how to safeguard yourself and

468
00:23:29.880 --> 00:23:32.359
how to figure out how to get your finances together

469
00:23:32.519 --> 00:23:36.519
or whatever, to get your stuff together to get out. Okay,

470
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:38.079
And I know that some of you go, well, what

471
00:23:38.119 --> 00:23:40.599
if they end up meeting someone else and all this stuff,

472
00:23:40.599 --> 00:23:42.559
and how is it going to go. They are not

473
00:23:42.759 --> 00:23:46.519
going to change. The only thing different if they meet

474
00:23:46.559 --> 00:23:48.640
someone else is they're going to take it out on

475
00:23:48.680 --> 00:23:51.279
that other person. Okay, it's not all of a sudden,

476
00:23:51.319 --> 00:23:54.799
You're no longer you know enemy number one, Target number one.

477
00:23:55.039 --> 00:23:58.079
This person is now the target, this person is now

478
00:23:58.319 --> 00:24:01.680
dealing with everything, is now the one that they go

479
00:24:01.799 --> 00:24:04.160
to that they beat up on. That's how this works

480
00:24:04.559 --> 00:24:07.480
a to be. So it's not like they wake up

481
00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:11.839
and have some sort of like angelic epiphany, the spiritual awareness,

482
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:14.720
and they're like, oh my God, I finally realize what's

483
00:24:14.759 --> 00:24:17.720
going on in my life. I finally realize about the

484
00:24:17.720 --> 00:24:20.160
heavens and the spirit and God and where we're here

485
00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:22.960
and what we're doing here. No, no, no, no, And

486
00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:25.599
I would really like it to happen, but many of

487
00:24:25.640 --> 00:24:28.400
you need to get your house in order. You need

488
00:24:28.440 --> 00:24:30.759
to figure out what matters most to you. You need

489
00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:35.400
to safeguard your mental and emotional and physical well being,

490
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:38.799
and then you need to figure out how are you

491
00:24:38.880 --> 00:24:40.559
going to get through this, how are you going to

492
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:43.480
move on? And then and then the real work starts,

493
00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:46.960
because then we have to repair You've been, you know,

494
00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:50.319
taking advantage of and abuse for a long period of time,

495
00:24:50.359 --> 00:24:52.319
and now we have to repair you. And that's what

496
00:24:52.359 --> 00:24:57.559
I specialize in, is overcoming you know, narcissistic abuse, overcoming

497
00:24:57.680 --> 00:25:01.240
you know, the coupling of multiple cluster b dynamics and

498
00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:03.839
the abuse that they're overcoming that and being able to

499
00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:07.559
recognize and figure out who we are really create for

500
00:25:07.599 --> 00:25:10.519
the first time our true identity, because if we really

501
00:25:10.559 --> 00:25:13.160
had a true solid identity, we wouldn't accept this type

502
00:25:13.160 --> 00:25:17.880
of behavior in our life. We wouldn't. You just wouldn't, okay,

503
00:25:18.039 --> 00:25:21.119
because you would really see it, and you would have

504
00:25:21.160 --> 00:25:24.319
so much respect for yourself that you would just end

505
00:25:24.559 --> 00:25:27.599
this this thing over here, okay. And so that's what

506
00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:29.839
I help people do is get that respect for themselves.

507
00:25:29.880 --> 00:25:32.839
Figure out where, you know, what the deficiencies are. We

508
00:25:32.920 --> 00:25:36.079
figure out our blueprint, We create our architectural blueprint of

509
00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:38.119
who we are, and then we fill it all in

510
00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:41.079
and we build the house. We build you up. We

511
00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:45.720
build that up so it's solid and somebody can't take

512
00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:48.440
it down. And I know that many of you go, well,

513
00:25:48.440 --> 00:25:50.599
I'm still holding out. But if you're still holding out,

514
00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:52.640
and you know, and it's been a while, you got

515
00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:57.119
to really realize you holding out is just holding yourself down.

516
00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:01.680
Because remember, if they're coming from the perspective of the

517
00:26:01.720 --> 00:26:07.160
malignant narcissists, you are a means to an end. And

518
00:26:07.240 --> 00:26:10.160
I hate to say that, but you are, okay, And

519
00:26:10.240 --> 00:26:13.559
so begin to start, you know, circling the wagons, you know,

520
00:26:13.880 --> 00:26:16.920
Contacting family you haven't been in content if they're helpful,

521
00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:22.240
healthy family members, Contacting friends that are helpful, healthy friends.

522
00:26:23.319 --> 00:26:25.720
Start figuring out a plan. You know, some of you

523
00:26:25.799 --> 00:26:28.000
might not you know, it might not be a problem

524
00:26:28.039 --> 00:26:30.920
with you financially. Maybe you're the financial breadwinner and it's

525
00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:32.680
time to get out. Maybe some of you are going

526
00:26:32.720 --> 00:26:35.440
to be affected financially quite a bit if you in

527
00:26:35.559 --> 00:26:37.920
this relationship, and that means that we need to figure out.

528
00:26:37.960 --> 00:26:39.160
And I know that might have been a reason why

529
00:26:39.160 --> 00:26:41.960
you've stayed in it as long as you have, and

530
00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:43.920
I feel for you and I understand that, and I

531
00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:46.680
get it, and I'm not making light of that. I'm not.

532
00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:49.599
But you have to think about yourself and you have

533
00:26:49.640 --> 00:26:52.720
to think about your soul and if you have to

534
00:26:52.759 --> 00:26:54.240
move in with a friend, or you got to move

535
00:26:54.319 --> 00:26:56.319
back in with family who's healthy, or you got to

536
00:26:56.440 --> 00:26:58.880
you know, get an apartment and not live in that

537
00:26:59.160 --> 00:27:03.200
big house. I mean, what matters most your health and

538
00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:09.079
sanity or the size of the house, And you got

539
00:27:09.079 --> 00:27:12.880
to start thinking about that. What matters most your health

540
00:27:12.920 --> 00:27:21.960
and sanity, your clarity, your truth or that. And I

541
00:27:21.960 --> 00:27:23.759
think a lot of people right now, at this time

542
00:27:23.799 --> 00:27:27.279
in life, are weighing the situation out And I get it,

543
00:27:27.319 --> 00:27:29.960
and I don't take any of this lightly. I don't.

544
00:27:30.519 --> 00:27:32.160
I'm here for you if you'd like to come work

545
00:27:32.200 --> 00:27:34.119
with me. You can. You can go to my website

546
00:27:34.119 --> 00:27:38.680
at any time go to Ashleyberges dot com Ashleyburgess dot com.

547
00:27:39.000 --> 00:27:41.680
You can go to the coaching page and you can

548
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:44.119
set up a coaching session right then. You can also

549
00:27:44.200 --> 00:27:46.720
go to Ashleyburgess dot com and click on that contact

550
00:27:46.720 --> 00:27:49.079
page and you can send me an email and I

551
00:27:49.119 --> 00:27:53.559
will respond asap. Also, new video content out twice every

552
00:27:53.599 --> 00:27:58.799
week on YouTube. Out every Monday and Thursday is when

553
00:27:58.799 --> 00:28:01.759
we post our videos. So check out some new video

554
00:28:01.799 --> 00:28:04.680
content there on YouTube. If you haven't already, please subscribe

555
00:28:04.680 --> 00:28:08.240
to the YouTube channel. We have almost two hundred thousand subscribers,

556
00:28:09.160 --> 00:28:12.079
so please check out the video content. It's all free.

557
00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:15.000
You can also be a member as well and get

558
00:28:15.079 --> 00:28:19.000
exclusive content there as well. In the meantime, if you're

559
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:22.240
going through a relationship like this, we have to examine it, honestly,

560
00:28:22.519 --> 00:28:25.599
see seek our truth, figure out how to make ourselves

561
00:28:25.640 --> 00:28:28.359
better because pain and suffering on a daily basis is

562
00:28:28.400 --> 00:28:32.559
not going to help your sanity, your spirituality, and your clarity.

563
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:34.480
It's going to take away from that. And I'm just

564
00:28:34.519 --> 00:28:37.079
here to help you. Trying to focus on the things

565
00:28:37.079 --> 00:28:39.920
that matter in your life, trying to focus on helping

566
00:28:39.960 --> 00:28:44.680
you to identify your truth and your true self. Please

567
00:28:44.680 --> 00:28:47.200
share this podcast with anybody that needs to hear it,

568
00:28:47.319 --> 00:28:49.319
or anybody they think might be in a situation like this,

569
00:28:49.440 --> 00:28:53.319
or any family or friend that you know will acknowledge

570
00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:56.960
and resonate with this information. There'll be a next show.

571
00:28:57.079 --> 00:28:59.759
We have a show coming out, a podcast every single week,

572
00:29:00.200 --> 00:29:03.480
so stay tuned. Usually goes out Wednesday or Thursday, usually

573
00:29:03.480 --> 00:29:07.079
on Wednesday morning or Thursday morning at five am. Check

574
00:29:07.119 --> 00:29:10.799
it out and in the meantime, stay true to yourself,

575
00:29:10.839 --> 00:29:13.680
be aware of the pitfalls, and let's try to basically

576
00:29:13.720 --> 00:29:17.559
safeguard ourselves as much as we possibly can. I'll see

577
00:29:17.599 --> 00:29:20.880
you soon and the Astley Burdish show me Ashley burg

578
00:29:21.000 --> 00:29:23.640
is formally known as the Literature Life Perspectives will be back,

579
00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:30.200
this time in three shakes.