Jan. 29, 2025

How to Clearly Identify and Recognize a Malignant Narcissist. Ep: [787]

How to Clearly Identify and Recognize a Malignant Narcissist. Ep: [787]

We hear the term narcissist thrown around a lot in daily discussion. However not all narcissism and narcissists are created equal. Some people possess a few narcissistic tendencies while others seem to display all signs and symptoms. However their is...

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We hear the term narcissist thrown around a lot in daily discussion. However not all narcissism and narcissists are created equal. Some people possess a few narcissistic tendencies while others seem to display all signs and symptoms. However their is a more extreme form of narcissism that makes the regular brand of narcissism look like child’s play. A Malignant Narcissist is a narcissist that demonstrates others signs and symptoms that an overt or covert narcissist does not. This type of narcissism goes far beyond being self-absorbed or grandiosity. Under the surface, their thoughts and actions can have a calculated and sinister approach, causing significant hurt and pain to those around them. Understanding the malignant narcissist is crucial for setting boundaries and safeguarding ourselves. By identifying their traits and gaining a deeper understanding of their behavior, we empower ourselves to navigate these challenging relationships. When it comes to the malignant narcissist, knowledge truly is power.




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WEBVTT

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You're in a good place now. You are listening to

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Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back live to Literature Life Perspectives, and I'm your host,

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Ashley Burgess. We hear the word narcissism thrown around quite

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a bit, but narcissism isn't all the same. There's not

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just one brand of narcissism. Sure, you have your regular

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brand narcissism, and a lot of people have signs and

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symptoms of being narcissistic. They might not have all the

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signs and symptoms, but they might have a couple. But

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there's a particular type of narcissism that really does stand

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out in the crowd, a particular type of narcissism that

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you might not be aware of that you're dealing with.

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And if you're dealing with this type of narcissism, this

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brand of narcissism, you need to safeguard yourself. This person

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is not just interested in their grandiose the perspective that

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people have about them, the way they see them, how

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they look. There is more going on behind the scenes.

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There is more sinister stuff going on behind the scenes

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that can actually hurt you. And so in today's podcast,

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I'm gonna be talking about malignant narcissist, How to really

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identify a malignant narcissist, because this is very important. We

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have to talk about identification to understand what we're dealing with,

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and that takes some time. We can't just automatically look

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at identification and run into how do we solve it?

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We need to get a clear.

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Concise understanding of what we're dealing with, be able to

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identify it properly so that we can eventually, you know,

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deal with it, you know, respond create those boundaries, you know,

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safeguard ourselves. Whether we have to safeguard ourselves physically or legally,

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or mentally or emotional or both, are all we have

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to really focus on that. And so in today's show,

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we're going to be discussing malignant narcissists and how to

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really understand what we're dealing with, because it really is important.

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Knowledge is power, and if.

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You don't know what you're dealing with, you can't begin

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to safeguard yourself in these situations. And I know that

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many of us know what an overt narcissists and and

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and that's pretty pretty clear. And to the point, there's

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been lots and lots of lots and lots of shows,

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lots and lots of videos on narcissism. You know that

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grandiose self esteem, self of importance that you know, those

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fantasies that they have about you know, success and power,

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and you know they believe they're special and unique. You

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know that constant need for attention and admiration, that sense

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of entitlement even if they haven't done anything to deserve it.

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A tendency to use others people to get what they want,

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very very much of a lack of empathy and unwillingness

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to understand others or to even have or understand the

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feelings of others, being envious of others, and that sense

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of arrogance. And that's all good and well, and that's

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your normal brand of narcissism. But we really need to

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dig deep into what a malignant narcissist is like, because

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many of you may be in a relationship with, in

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a family dynamic with, in a work environment with somebody

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that has malignant narcissistic signs. This person is even more

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unhealthy and toxic than your regular brand of narcissist. It

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makes your regular brand narcissists like a walk in the park.

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It makes them look like the nice guy, the nice girl,

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you know, the person that you want to hang out

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with all the time, which is not the truth. But

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when you put them side by side, you know there's

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one that's going to be all about self. But they're

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not going to be necessarily trying to hurt you. The

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malignant narcissist is. So let's talk about that malignant narcisst

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because you know, in the beginning, a malignant narcissist is

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good usually with the mask, and that's how they get

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in on the relationship, right, That's how it all works out.

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It's not like you go, oh wow, this is a

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milignant narcissist.

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I'm you know, I'm going to take them in, you know,

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oh wow, this is going to be the greatest relationship

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with this malignant narcissist. Oh I'm going to marry this

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malignant narcisis.

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You don't.

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It's not like you're saying that this person has a mask.

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They've worn the mask for a very long time. The

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mask only comes down when you are in a relationship,

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when you're living with them. If you're a family member

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and a lot of you out there might be dealing

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with a family member or brother or sister that might

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be a malignant narcissist. Okay, so let's talk about some

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of this right now. The first thing is, just like

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a regular narcissist, they are preoccupied with the fantasies of

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success and power and beauty and you know, being the

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next model and all this stuff, no matter how old

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they are, no matter what they look like. You know,

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they believe that they are God's gift to creation, so

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everything about them is phenomenal. They cannot handle any type

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of criticism, and so they can dish out. See, the

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thing is as interesting with a narci and a malignant nurses.

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They can dish out, you know, the criticism, and they

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can be very very very mean, very toxic in their

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dishing out of criticism, usually cutting you down the size

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over and over again, you know, putting you in your place,

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that sort of sort of thing.

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But if you are to bring up anything.

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About what they've done, even if it's something as simple

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as you know, oh, hey you didn't take care of

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that today, or hey I thought you were gonna start

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looking for a job. You know, I've been talking about

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that for a few years. Whatever that looks like they

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can't handle it, and they will fight you. They will

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start a huge tantrum. They will take you down on

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something like that and they'll hold.

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It over your head.

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They will lash out no matter what if they feel slighted,

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if they feel at all, like if you don't act

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right when you walk in the door and you say hi,

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but you don't say hi the right way, if you say,

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you know, hey, what's up? Oh Hey, you're gonna you're

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gonna start using the word hey with me. You know

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what kind of what kind of what kind of deal

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is that? If you don't make the proper eye contact, uh,

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they will lash out. They will have an argument about it.

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They are also the types of people that will take

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advantage of other people to get exactly what they want.

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They will use people, They will create elaborate, you know, schemes.

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They will use people to get what they want. And

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it could be a long game too. It doesn't have

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to be short game. A lot of these folks are

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playing a long game, and I mean they're willing to

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go in it for a while.

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You know.

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It's not like the short you know, the short game

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where they're trying to take you for something. They're trying

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to actually take your soul. They're not just trying to

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take some of your money. So you got to understand

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that a lot of these folks are in for the

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long game, and so be careful because in the beginning

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that mask is fully on. They are wearing that mask

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to make sure that you don't see who they are.

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And by the way, once you do find out who

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they are, the outside world for the most part, doesn't

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because they're still playing that game, because then they're gonna

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use that later to make other people feel like if

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you bring it up to other people what they're doing,

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they're gonna try to make you look like you're losing

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your mind. You're going and saying you're the problem, you're

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the issue.

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So remember that.

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And that's the biggest struggle when you're dealing with a

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malignant narcissist is they will try to make you by yourself,

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put you by yourself so that you're in your own

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pain and agony when you do try to reach out

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to other people, making you seem kind of weird, stupid,

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maybe under the influence, maybe you have some sort of

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mental issue yourself, that sort of thing. Now at the

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same time, they're completely overconcerned about their appearance. You know,

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it's the same type of people that'll get dressed up

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to sit around the house.

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You know.

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They they're constantly on Instagram. You'll see folks where it's

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constant posing, you know, constant pictures of just themselves. There's

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nobody else in the pictures, and it's all and sometimes

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scantily clad, that sort of thing in order to get

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your attention. Now, it's interesting because they expect to be

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treated at a higher level than anybody else, and they're

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also looking to other people to get that narcissistic supply.

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So they want other people to validate them. They want

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other people to kiss their ass. They want other people

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to think that they're so great. So in the beginning,

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they're going to play a game with you. In the beginning,

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you are going to think that this person is that great.

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In the beginning, they will create the narrative, and you

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will help create the narrative with them, because they will

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use love bombing to get your attention, you know, to

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act like they are you know God's green, you know

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God's gift to you, that they're gonna help you, They're

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gonna do all these things. In reality, it's not gonna happen,

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but in the beginning, it's gonna feel like it. And

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they're doing all this so they can get their narcissistic

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supply from you, and eventually they don't have to be

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this fake, nice love bombing thing. They're gonna get their

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supply from you in a negative way, But in the beginning,

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they're gonna create this false sense of security with you.

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They're gonna basically create this false sense of acceptance with you,

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So you're gonna tell them all your thoughts and feelings

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and everything about your past, past relationships so that they

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can use this later to basically bombarde you and make

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you feel bad, puts you down, hurts you, and all

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those types of things in an effort to get what

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they want from you, to disparage you, and the list

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goes on.

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So stay tuned.

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We're talking about those signs of a malignant narcissist. Libertrue

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Life Perspectives with your host media Ashley Burgess. We'll be

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back in I'll be back this time in two shakes.

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Turn it up and jump in the deep end on Perspectives.

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Now Here's Ashley.

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Welcome back live to Libertrue Life Perspectives and I'm your

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host Ashley Burgess on today's show, we're examining what makes

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a malignant narcissist. Well, looking at narcissists is very different

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from a regular brand of narcissists. And right before the break,

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I was talking about how they create they want this

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narcissistic supply, and in the beginning, like most narcissists, they

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create this love bombing to get your attention to.

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Be there for you.

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You know, it's almost like you've met this perfect, perfect

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person to be in a relationship with. They're doing all

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these things for you, doting on you, all this stuff,

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and in the same process, they're making you feel so

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comfortable by you opening up and telling them about your

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past relationships or maybe about past marriages or whatever that is.

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And so you're giving them all this information, just feeding

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it to them. As they're remembering all this. They have

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very good memories, not always great memories, but they will

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have a better memory than you, especially in the process of.

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Gaslighting you, and then you won't even know you know,

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your butt from your head.

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So what they're doing is trying to get all that

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concentration of information and the process to eventually use against you.

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And because they don't have a lack of empathy for anybody,

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you know, So they don't care what they're gonna put

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you through. They don't care the pain and suffering. It's

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all about them. Now in the beginning, their mask is

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saying that it's all about you. Oh, they really care

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about you, and you're eating this up because they have

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all this attention for you, and they drop everything to

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be there with you and all this stuff, and so

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in the beginning, it feels really good.

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The beginning never comes back. So I'm telling you straight up.

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Once the beginning is over and the thing starts changing

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and the love bombing goes away, and then the mean

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side of them starts coming out, they don't get nicer,

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they just get meaner, Okay, because remember they don't have

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any empathy. This has always been the long game. So

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with a malignant narcissist, they play the long game to

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disparage you.

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They play the long game.

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To basically you know, I hate to say it, but

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they're trying to take you out at a soul level.

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Okay.

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So they're not playing nice or not playing it. It's

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not like they're going through a bad day or they're

235
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dealing with PMS. No, they are not playing nice and

236
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they don't don't even know how to play nights, so

237
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that's not even part of their operende. So they have

238
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this insane inflated sense of self. They can't self regulate. Okay,

239
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So that's the other thing too, is there's no self

240
00:12:11.600 --> 00:12:18.440
regulation and you have somebody like that. At the same time,

241
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they have no remorse for hurting others, no remorse, and

242
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they have no interest in apologizing unless it benefits them.

243
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Now, if it.

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Benefits them, they will apologize, but usually it's a false apology, right,

245
00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:35.200
So it's a fake apology to fill the gap because

246
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they know it's not you know, you're not gonna let

247
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them get out of it. And I always find it

248
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interesting because you know, people say that, oh, well, you know.

249
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They were crying.

250
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They were crying, and so you know, if somebody's crying

251
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that that doesn't make them a malignant narcissist, right, No, wrong, Okay,

252
00:12:53.679 --> 00:12:57.600
just because they're crying doesn't mean that they have empathy.

253
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Most of the time, when.

254
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I'm malignant arcisses is crying, they are crying for their

255
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own benefit. They are crying because they are upset things

256
00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:09.960
aren't going their way. They're upset they're crying. It has

257
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nothing to do with you. They're not going to cry

258
00:13:11.360 --> 00:13:13.440
over you. And I hate to say that you could

259
00:13:13.440 --> 00:13:14.799
be dying in front of them. They're not going to

260
00:13:14.840 --> 00:13:15.600
cry over you.

261
00:13:15.639 --> 00:13:15.840
Now.

262
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They may start crying about the fact that you don't

263
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have a large, you know, insurance policy. You know, they

264
00:13:22.600 --> 00:13:25.000
might cry about the fact that their name is not

265
00:13:25.159 --> 00:13:28.360
on the mortgage of the home. But they're not going

266
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to cry about you dying.

267
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Okay.

268
00:13:30.120 --> 00:13:32.200
So I'm just putting this in perspective for you, so

269
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you know what you're honestly dealing with. So they have

270
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this inflightedst to self and usually there's a lot of

271
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issues there, right, they're they're they're not all that, Okay,

272
00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:45.639
they're not. It's the Napoleon complex on top of all

273
00:13:45.720 --> 00:13:49.200
this as well, and so they have all these insecurities,

274
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but they have this inflated since of self. They think

275
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that they're better than everybody else. They look down at

276
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everybody else, even if they don't have a dime. They

277
00:13:55.159 --> 00:13:57.600
look down at people that don't have money, even though

278
00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:01.000
they might not have any money. Okay. It's very interesting

279
00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:04.519
because they forget, you know, who they really are because

280
00:14:04.559 --> 00:14:06.279
they never know who they really are because they've never

281
00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:10.159
really dealt with any sort of reality. They have no

282
00:14:10.279 --> 00:14:15.120
remorse for hurting other people, and they have this attitude

283
00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:17.879
that they deserve the very best.

284
00:14:17.600 --> 00:14:18.600
Of everything, no matter what.

285
00:14:18.799 --> 00:14:20.679
So no matter if they haven't done one thing in

286
00:14:20.720 --> 00:14:23.840
their life, no matter if they've never done anything for anybody,

287
00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:29.879
they still deserve everything. They are completely deserving of everything.

288
00:14:30.600 --> 00:14:34.759
That is what you call entitlement. They are beyond entitled.

289
00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:38.399
You know, you think about entitlement. This is beyond entitlement.

290
00:14:38.440 --> 00:14:40.759
I mean, this is you know, this is entitlement ten

291
00:14:40.799 --> 00:14:44.720
point zero. You know, no matter what I mean, even

292
00:14:44.759 --> 00:14:47.120
if they've never bought you a gift in your life,

293
00:14:47.159 --> 00:14:49.080
they assume that you should always have a gift for

294
00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:51.840
them for every single holiday, every single birthday. They might

295
00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:53.399
have never even written you a card. If you don't

296
00:14:53.440 --> 00:14:55.080
get them a card for their birthday, it's the end

297
00:14:55.120 --> 00:14:59.159
all bill. You have literally screwed up. It's all about them,

298
00:14:59.360 --> 00:15:01.279
the fact that they give you anything or don't get it.

299
00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:03.600
And if they're gonna give you anything again, it's another

300
00:15:04.320 --> 00:15:10.200
it's another manipulation because it's for another reason. And so

301
00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:14.919
they have this attitude that they deserve everything and on

302
00:15:15.000 --> 00:15:19.000
top of that, they're allowed to mistreat others because they

303
00:15:19.000 --> 00:15:23.720
see others as being inferior. So they're mistreating you because

304
00:15:23.759 --> 00:15:24.879
you're lesser than them.

305
00:15:25.080 --> 00:15:26.159
So not only do they.

306
00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:28.559
Mistreat you, they actually think that you're lesser than them.

307
00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:31.159
They actually think that you're stupid and they're smart. And

308
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I'm putting it this way just so everybody kind of

309
00:15:33.240 --> 00:15:35.559
gets this because I know that a lot of times

310
00:15:35.559 --> 00:15:38.320
we make excuses for people, especially oh, they had this

311
00:15:38.440 --> 00:15:41.919
challenging childhood. You know how many people had a challenging

312
00:15:42.000 --> 00:15:45.399
childhood that I work with? Okay, I mean at least

313
00:15:45.480 --> 00:15:47.679
ninety percent of people had a challenging childhood that I

314
00:15:47.720 --> 00:15:50.320
have come into contact with in my life. You cannot

315
00:15:50.440 --> 00:15:57.080
just give people excuses for malignant narcissist behavior. The more

316
00:15:57.159 --> 00:16:00.200
excuses you give them, the more you lose yourself. The

317
00:16:00.200 --> 00:16:03.080
more you lose yourself, the more they win, the more

318
00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:06.080
you allow them or hurt you, the more the happier

319
00:16:06.279 --> 00:16:08.960
they get, the more hurt and pain they get from you,

320
00:16:09.120 --> 00:16:13.679
the more energy and power they take from you. So

321
00:16:13.759 --> 00:16:17.159
this is really a safety conversation today. This is a

322
00:16:17.240 --> 00:16:21.080
self safety being aware of predators today, because this is

323
00:16:21.120 --> 00:16:23.320
a predator Okay, I'm a looking at narcissists as a

324
00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:27.080
full on predator. No matter how you slice it or

325
00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:31.120
dice it, they are predators. So they're going to monopolize

326
00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:34.879
the conversation. They're gonna talk in circles a lot too,

327
00:16:34.919 --> 00:16:36.960
because they want to remind you over and over again

328
00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:40.919
what they're talking about. You know, it's like, you know,

329
00:16:40.919 --> 00:16:45.360
they're holding court and again. Remember they see you as

330
00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:51.559
being lesser than always, So I mean, remember that that's

331
00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:53.919
really messed up all on its own. When somebody's looking

332
00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:56.240
down at you thinking that you're lesser than them and

333
00:16:56.279 --> 00:16:59.600
they're treating you subpar and they don't care about how

334
00:16:59.639 --> 00:17:02.120
you feel and they don't. I mean, that's pretty wrong

335
00:17:02.159 --> 00:17:05.200
in and of itself, right, But because they have this

336
00:17:05.319 --> 00:17:09.039
really weak sense of self, it makes it even worse

337
00:17:10.000 --> 00:17:13.119
because think about it, you have like this complex that

338
00:17:13.160 --> 00:17:16.680
you're better than life, but yet you know you know

339
00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:20.839
you're not, and so you're having this internal fight too, right,

340
00:17:20.960 --> 00:17:23.559
So the malignant narcissist is in a constant internal fight

341
00:17:24.519 --> 00:17:27.680
because they're weak. They're the weakest person on the planet.

342
00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:31.559
And why that they're so mean and abusive is because

343
00:17:31.799 --> 00:17:35.799
they're so angry and they take that anger out on you. Okay,

344
00:17:35.799 --> 00:17:38.000
they want to take that out on you and put

345
00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:40.599
that on you. And we have so much to talk

346
00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:44.160
about because they have that tendency to blame everybody for

347
00:17:44.279 --> 00:17:47.279
everything they do, everything they don't do, and everything they do,

348
00:17:47.400 --> 00:17:50.279
they're gonna blame you for it. They're never gonna take

349
00:17:50.319 --> 00:17:53.920
responsibility for anything. And so if you get into the

350
00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:57.480
relationship with a malignant narcissist, they will blame you for

351
00:17:57.680 --> 00:18:01.039
every single thing you do, every single thing you don't do,

352
00:18:01.559 --> 00:18:06.319
everything they don't do, and everything they do. So again,

353
00:18:07.079 --> 00:18:10.079
think about it, and we'll talk more about the additional

354
00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:14.200
signs here. But I think it's very interesting to analyze

355
00:18:14.200 --> 00:18:17.119
the situation because when you're dealing with them like a narcissists,

356
00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:19.759
you know, it's hard because you don't realize it at

357
00:18:19.759 --> 00:18:22.279
first because of that mask. And then you keep wondering,

358
00:18:22.359 --> 00:18:24.240
when are we going to get back to those good times?

359
00:18:24.240 --> 00:18:25.880
When are we going to get back to the beginning

360
00:18:25.880 --> 00:18:28.000
of the relationship. I mean, things have gotten a little

361
00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:30.359
mean or out of proportion, or they seem to be

362
00:18:30.400 --> 00:18:32.640
talking and circles a lot and very negative and kind

363
00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:34.559
of pushing all my buttons, and they don't really care

364
00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:36.480
about me or being empathetic.

365
00:18:36.640 --> 00:18:37.880
But when are we going to get back to that?

366
00:18:37.880 --> 00:18:39.160
Well, I'm here to tell you you're not going to

367
00:18:39.160 --> 00:18:43.279
get back to it. That was fakery, that was a mask,

368
00:18:43.400 --> 00:18:45.759
and that was not their truth. So we'll be talking

369
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more about that in just a second. Stay tuned Live

370
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your True Life Perspectives with your host Mediacity Burds will

371
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be back in way back this time in two shakes.

372
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This is Jake Busey and you're listening to Perspectives with

373
00:19:12.799 --> 00:19:13.839
Ashley Burgess.

374
00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:19.119
Welcome back live to liter Aty Life Perspectives and I'm

375
00:19:19.160 --> 00:19:24.160
your host, Ashley Burgess. We're talking about malignant narcissism, how

376
00:19:24.200 --> 00:19:26.359
to really watch it, how to see it, how to

377
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:28.240
know what you're dealing with because once you know you're

378
00:19:28.279 --> 00:19:31.119
dealing with this, you can't turn back. Once you know

379
00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:34.519
you're dealing with this, you can't make any more excuses. Okay,

380
00:19:34.559 --> 00:19:36.359
this is something to play with. You don't sit there

381
00:19:36.359 --> 00:19:38.359
and play with fire and go oh this is fun.

382
00:19:39.240 --> 00:19:41.960
No no, no, no, we're not playing in the bonfire.

383
00:19:42.039 --> 00:19:45.960
We're not doing that. So if you want to safeguard yourself,

384
00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:49.400
you need this information. This information is very important. Because

385
00:19:49.480 --> 00:19:53.200
these folks show up with a mask on a narrative.

386
00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:56.759
There they're going to be that person you need right then,

387
00:19:56.880 --> 00:20:00.200
they're going to have that mass secure, so secure that

388
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:02.119
you don't know the difference between them and the mask,

389
00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:04.720
because you don't even know there's a mask. And the

390
00:20:04.759 --> 00:20:07.400
beginning the love bombing is great, even if it's just

391
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:07.960
a friendship.

392
00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:08.519
They're there.

393
00:20:08.599 --> 00:20:11.440
They're your best friend, they're all they're there all the time,

394
00:20:11.599 --> 00:20:13.559
they care, they're taking care of this or that. They're

395
00:20:13.960 --> 00:20:16.759
all these things that you've never had before. Somebody's really

396
00:20:16.799 --> 00:20:19.839
going that extra mile for you. You know. It's always

397
00:20:19.880 --> 00:20:22.680
interesting too with the narration that they create and they

398
00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:25.400
fall right into play with you. So you're wanting something

399
00:20:25.400 --> 00:20:28.759
and they're gonna play on that because they know they

400
00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:31.799
play on things. Right if you're needing something, you're needing

401
00:20:31.839 --> 00:20:34.240
somebody to be there for you. You know, you're telling

402
00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:37.160
them all your secrets and all, Oh, I'm gonna play

403
00:20:37.160 --> 00:20:39.839
into that. I'm the only person you can trust. I'm

404
00:20:39.880 --> 00:20:42.440
there for you, I care about you. They're gonna play

405
00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:45.160
into all those emotions for you. They're also gonna play

406
00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:48.519
in your fears. Okay, so they're gonna do all those

407
00:20:48.559 --> 00:20:51.319
things and the process. They're going to do all this

408
00:20:51.319 --> 00:20:53.279
stuff for you in the beginning, and you're gonna think, man,

409
00:20:53.319 --> 00:20:55.359
I have met the best friend, or I've met the

410
00:20:55.400 --> 00:20:57.839
best you know, possible lover in my life, or this

411
00:20:57.920 --> 00:21:00.000
is gonna be the best spouse or whatever it is.

412
00:21:00.279 --> 00:21:00.880
You know it could be.

413
00:21:01.160 --> 00:21:03.240
It could be maybe your brother or sister got married

414
00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:04.640
to someone like, Oh man, this is gonna be the

415
00:21:04.680 --> 00:21:07.279
this is gonna best of the great family reunions. Whatever

416
00:21:07.880 --> 00:21:10.480
you have met somebody that is going to throw you.

417
00:21:10.440 --> 00:21:11.000
Under the bus.

418
00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:16.200
And you'll start realizing it when the mass slowly comes

419
00:21:16.200 --> 00:21:18.880
off because you can't you can't be around somebody. See,

420
00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:21.079
the thing is about a malignant narcisst You got to

421
00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:23.559
be around them enough. So if you're living with them, yes,

422
00:21:23.640 --> 00:21:26.480
the mask will fully come off. The mask will come off.

423
00:21:26.519 --> 00:21:28.480
It'll be on the ground, it'll be shattered. There will

424
00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:30.799
be no mask, and you will be living with it.

425
00:21:31.599 --> 00:21:34.400
The thing about a malignant narcissist is is that only

426
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:37.799
people that are really close to them really know who

427
00:21:37.880 --> 00:21:40.640
they are, okay, because they're good at hiding it. You know,

428
00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:43.359
you don't like a lot of sociopathic, anti social behavior

429
00:21:43.599 --> 00:21:45.680
and it's not until you're around that person enough to

430
00:21:45.720 --> 00:21:47.680
really realize what you're dealing But then you're like, whoa,

431
00:21:47.720 --> 00:21:49.759
I'm really dealing with somebody with anti social behavior. I'm

432
00:21:49.799 --> 00:21:52.960
dealing with a sociopath. It's not until you really realize it,

433
00:21:53.599 --> 00:21:56.359
but you sure if you're just having small interactions with somebody,

434
00:21:56.519 --> 00:21:58.920
you're not gonna know. You got to see the body

435
00:21:58.920 --> 00:21:59.319
of work.

436
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:00.680
Okay.

437
00:22:00.839 --> 00:22:02.880
So the other thing about a milliennat narciss is if

438
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:05.559
you're living with that mallignant narcissist, like I was talking about,

439
00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:08.680
how they have these hidden security insecurities and they're super

440
00:22:08.759 --> 00:22:12.880
weak individuals, super weak constitution, and they're gonna take that

441
00:22:12.960 --> 00:22:17.000
out on you. They blame others for their behavior. They

442
00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:19.200
blame others for what they do or they don't do. Oh,

443
00:22:19.240 --> 00:22:21.599
you didn't do this for me. I mean it's basically

444
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:25.200
like you're handholding this person, you're doing everything for them,

445
00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:27.160
and even if you do everything for them, you didn't

446
00:22:27.160 --> 00:22:27.640
do it right.

447
00:22:28.759 --> 00:22:29.119
Okay.

448
00:22:29.599 --> 00:22:34.000
The The interesting part though, that I find very interesting

449
00:22:34.039 --> 00:22:37.160
with a malignant narcissist is they see everything in black

450
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:41.279
and white. They see the world in black and white.

451
00:22:41.319 --> 00:22:43.960
They see the world as binary it's a yes or no.

452
00:22:44.079 --> 00:22:46.400
It's a black and white. We see people as friend

453
00:22:46.440 --> 00:22:51.480
or foe. You see people as bad or good. Okay,

454
00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:54.119
now it's not. They don't judge themselves like that. They

455
00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:56.319
just judge and see every single other person like that.

456
00:22:57.920 --> 00:22:59.400
You know, they're not gonna you know, if you try

457
00:22:59.400 --> 00:23:01.559
to ask them as or no question, they're gonna get

458
00:23:01.559 --> 00:23:03.680
angry with you. But if you try to give context

459
00:23:03.839 --> 00:23:06.480
to an answer, they're gonna get angry with you and say,

460
00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:08.279
this is a binary world. It's a yes or no,

461
00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:10.759
it's a black or white, it's one thing or another.

462
00:23:10.839 --> 00:23:13.279
Why are you trying to lie. They're going to try

463
00:23:13.319 --> 00:23:16.000
to box you in any way they can, and they're

464
00:23:16.039 --> 00:23:20.000
going to win at all costs, no matter what, no

465
00:23:20.039 --> 00:23:22.920
matter what that win looks like. So the thing is

466
00:23:22.920 --> 00:23:25.720
that a lot of people get confused as to the

467
00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:27.759
reasons why people do things in life. And I hate

468
00:23:27.759 --> 00:23:29.640
to say it, but there's some people out there that

469
00:23:29.720 --> 00:23:32.880
do bad things because that's who they are. And I

470
00:23:32.960 --> 00:23:35.440
hate to have such a negative connotation on this, but

471
00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:39.000
it is. You can't I can't sugarcoat malignant narcissy. I

472
00:23:39.039 --> 00:23:41.519
can't sugarcoat it. I can't bring in the unicorns and

473
00:23:41.559 --> 00:23:43.880
the rainbows and tell you it's all great. And I

474
00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:46.319
wouldn't do that anyway, because you know, we can't lie

475
00:23:46.400 --> 00:23:48.119
about this. We just got to throw it out there

476
00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:51.240
the way it is. This is the truth, and you

477
00:23:51.279 --> 00:23:55.640
need a safeguard yourself. And so think about it. They're

478
00:23:55.720 --> 00:23:58.240
going to box you in. You're not gonna be able

479
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:01.400
to communicate like you normally do, and they're gonna win

480
00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:02.000
it all costs.

481
00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:04.519
But what are they gonna try to win? Now?

482
00:24:04.599 --> 00:24:08.680
Remember I'm only a narcissists is beating at their own drum,

483
00:24:09.200 --> 00:24:14.759
and their idea of winning is taking down you. Their

484
00:24:14.839 --> 00:24:17.839
idea of winning is hurting other people to get what

485
00:24:17.880 --> 00:24:20.160
they're wanting. They don't even care about you. You're a

486
00:24:20.200 --> 00:24:22.279
stepping stone. And I want you to think about it.

487
00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:25.599
If you're in a relationship with a malignant narcissist, they

488
00:24:25.640 --> 00:24:27.799
are just trying to figure out when they can step

489
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:32.839
on your head to get above you. And I hate

490
00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:34.599
to throw it out there like this, but this is

491
00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:38.160
the case. You know, when can I step on your

492
00:24:38.200 --> 00:24:41.799
head to push you under the water and suffocate you

493
00:24:42.279 --> 00:24:44.559
so that I can get above you, even though you

494
00:24:44.680 --> 00:24:47.000
might have helped me or taken care of me, or

495
00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:49.000
you might have been there for me, It doesn't matter.

496
00:24:49.119 --> 00:24:52.079
They don't think about that. Again, that's the reason why

497
00:24:52.079 --> 00:24:55.359
the word malignant is used to describe this. So they're

498
00:24:55.400 --> 00:24:56.960
gonna try to win it all costs, and they're gonna

499
00:24:57.000 --> 00:25:01.000
leave a lot of pain and suffering in they're wake

500
00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:03.920
of what they're doing. So they don't care though about

501
00:25:03.960 --> 00:25:06.440
the pain that they're gonna put you through. They don't

502
00:25:06.480 --> 00:25:08.880
care about the suffering they're gonna put you through. See,

503
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:09.759
they create this.

504
00:25:09.880 --> 00:25:13.799
Narrative that they are justified in what they're doing. Okay,

505
00:25:13.799 --> 00:25:14.759
they don't even think about it.

506
00:25:14.839 --> 00:25:16.839
They don't even think about what they're doing to you,

507
00:25:17.880 --> 00:25:19.720
and they don't care about the pain they're causing.

508
00:25:20.519 --> 00:25:22.039
They don't care about what they're doing.

509
00:25:22.759 --> 00:25:26.200
And they're just liking this experience because they're empowering themselves.

510
00:25:26.279 --> 00:25:29.799
Because remember these people come from a very small constitution.

511
00:25:30.319 --> 00:25:31.880
They are not happy people.

512
00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:35.240
They are very insecure, and they have all these hidden

513
00:25:35.279 --> 00:25:39.640
insecurities that are hidden by all these masks. Okay, and

514
00:25:39.759 --> 00:25:46.519
so the unfortunately, they get empowered by taking away other

515
00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:51.920
people's power. So like by taking away your happiness, you know,

516
00:25:52.119 --> 00:25:57.319
your joy, by taking away your theory of positivity or

517
00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:00.240
that the world is a good safe place, you know,

518
00:26:00.680 --> 00:26:04.519
by doing that, by by you know, they actually relish

519
00:26:04.680 --> 00:26:06.160
that because it gives them power.

520
00:26:07.599 --> 00:26:07.799
Uh.

521
00:26:07.799 --> 00:26:11.039
And so the more they take from you, the more

522
00:26:11.039 --> 00:26:16.279
empowered they become. So also, they're going to always protect

523
00:26:16.359 --> 00:26:21.319
themselves no matter what. They're gonna protect themselves from anything.

524
00:26:22.880 --> 00:26:25.720
So if they have to use you as of human shield,

525
00:26:26.440 --> 00:26:30.000
they'll do it. They will protect themselves at all costs,

526
00:26:31.240 --> 00:26:33.000
you know what I'm saying. So it doesn't matter. They

527
00:26:33.000 --> 00:26:35.559
will protect themselves at all costs. And and you know,

528
00:26:36.039 --> 00:26:37.480
you know, in my in my work and in my

529
00:26:37.599 --> 00:26:40.599
practice with clients, I've seen it happen where, you know,

530
00:26:40.759 --> 00:26:43.359
the mask starts coming off, but right before the mask

531
00:26:43.400 --> 00:26:45.039
comes off, it's like, oh, I know that we've only

532
00:26:45.119 --> 00:26:47.279
been together for six months, but hey, can you put

533
00:26:47.319 --> 00:26:49.759
me on the mortgage to the house? And hey where

534
00:26:49.759 --> 00:26:51.759
am I in the will? And dah da da da

535
00:26:51.759 --> 00:26:53.000
and when are we getting married?

536
00:26:53.160 --> 00:26:53.920
And dah da da dah.

537
00:26:53.920 --> 00:26:56.079
But it's not about I love you, It's about when

538
00:26:56.079 --> 00:26:57.559
are you gonna put me? You know, when are you

539
00:26:57.559 --> 00:26:59.720
gonna give me money? When am When is my name

540
00:26:59.720 --> 00:27:01.240
going to be on the wheel? You know, in case

541
00:27:01.279 --> 00:27:03.720
you die, you know, in case you die, we only

542
00:27:03.720 --> 00:27:04.519
know it's six months.

543
00:27:04.519 --> 00:27:06.359
But in case you die, where am I at?

544
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:08.920
You know? I mean, because you would hate for something

545
00:27:08.920 --> 00:27:12.079
to happen to me, right, And and that's the key,

546
00:27:12.160 --> 00:27:16.960
is that they will protect themselves at all cost, at

547
00:27:17.000 --> 00:27:23.799
all costs, at all you, your sanity, your energy, your money,

548
00:27:24.000 --> 00:27:27.359
your life. They will protect themselves at all costs. So again,

549
00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:30.440
you when you think about malignant, it's like you have

550
00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:34.920
to remember the fact that they are basically living off

551
00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:38.599
you already. Okay, so they are taking your life force,

552
00:27:39.880 --> 00:27:42.240
and in the process of taking your life force, you know,

553
00:27:42.279 --> 00:27:45.440
it's it's like a vampire. But in the beginning, it

554
00:27:45.440 --> 00:27:49.359
doesn't seem like that because they created the false mask, okay,

555
00:27:49.400 --> 00:27:51.119
And so we're gonna talk more about that in our

556
00:27:51.160 --> 00:27:53.599
last segment here in the podcast, because I kind of

557
00:27:53.640 --> 00:27:55.440
want to help formulate this because this could be a

558
00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:59.240
lot of overwhelming information at one time, but it's necessary

559
00:27:59.279 --> 00:28:01.799
and needed to safeguard you so that you know exactly

560
00:28:01.880 --> 00:28:04.200
what you're dealing with. You got to maybe listen to

561
00:28:04.240 --> 00:28:06.359
this podcast a couple of times to really kind of

562
00:28:06.359 --> 00:28:08.079
get it all in, because this is a lot to

563
00:28:08.160 --> 00:28:11.400
take in, but it's necessary and I want to safeguard

564
00:28:11.480 --> 00:28:13.759
you and I want you to safeguard yourself. So stay

565
00:28:13.759 --> 00:28:16.440
tuned Live your True Life Perspectives with your host me,

566
00:28:16.599 --> 00:28:19.519
Ashley Burgess, will be back in. I'll be back this time, back,

567
00:28:19.559 --> 00:28:22.400
this time in two shakes.

568
00:28:36.799 --> 00:28:40.920
Get in here. You're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

569
00:28:43.839 --> 00:28:46.079
Welcome back live to Live your True Life Perspectives and

570
00:28:46.119 --> 00:28:49.920
I'm your host, Ashley Burgess. I've been talking about malignant

571
00:28:50.039 --> 00:28:53.880
narcissists on today's show, and it is a special brand

572
00:28:53.880 --> 00:28:57.119
of narcissism. And you know, it's interesting because you know,

573
00:28:57.200 --> 00:29:00.440
in the beginning, in order to get into a releasehip

574
00:29:00.839 --> 00:29:04.839
or a friendship, a marriage, what have you, with somebody

575
00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:09.240
like this, there was a mask being worn. There was

576
00:29:09.279 --> 00:29:12.119
a false narrative that was being created that you were

577
00:29:12.160 --> 00:29:13.839
also falling for as.

578
00:29:13.680 --> 00:29:14.880
Well and believing in.

579
00:29:15.559 --> 00:29:17.359
And some of you may have been very innocent as

580
00:29:17.400 --> 00:29:19.720
far as not trying to create this narrative or what

581
00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:21.839
have you. But this person seemed to be everything that

582
00:29:21.880 --> 00:29:24.599
you had wanted and was just so happy and couldn't

583
00:29:24.599 --> 00:29:26.400
believe that this was coming to you in your life.

584
00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:29.920
And so I understand that, but as we begin to see,

585
00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:34.720
you know, the mask coming off, and we begin to

586
00:29:34.799 --> 00:29:38.680
realize and see that there's truth to what we're talking

587
00:29:38.720 --> 00:29:43.400
about here, we have to stop making those excuses. We

588
00:29:43.480 --> 00:29:47.400
have to stop making the excuses, because the more we

589
00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:50.200
make the excuses, the more we enable, the more we

590
00:29:50.240 --> 00:29:54.480
accept this be it bad behavior, the more we lose ourselves,

591
00:29:54.559 --> 00:29:57.559
the more that we don't have any boundaries, the more

592
00:29:57.599 --> 00:30:02.599
that we fall apart, the more issue we have. So

593
00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:06.119
we have to stop making excuses. We have to also

594
00:30:07.400 --> 00:30:12.759
realize that the beginning was not honest, and that could

595
00:30:12.759 --> 00:30:15.799
be one of the hardest things because that's what really

596
00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:18.599
kind of set up the scene here, is that in

597
00:30:18.640 --> 00:30:21.599
the beginning they acted like this was honest behavior. They

598
00:30:21.680 --> 00:30:26.920
acted as if this is who they are. And so

599
00:30:27.079 --> 00:30:29.519
for many of you, it could have lasted a few months,

600
00:30:29.640 --> 00:30:31.720
It could have been six months, It could have even

601
00:30:31.720 --> 00:30:36.079
been a year. Normally it's about six to eight months

602
00:30:36.119 --> 00:30:37.880
where the you know, the mask is. It can be

603
00:30:37.960 --> 00:30:42.599
shorter time, but that mask is on, and it was

604
00:30:42.680 --> 00:30:44.799
it was a good time because it seemed like they

605
00:30:44.799 --> 00:30:47.000
were very carrying and there and honest with you and

606
00:30:47.039 --> 00:30:49.599
all this great stuff, but it wasn't real and so

607
00:30:49.720 --> 00:30:52.519
I need you to be okay, which kind of trying

608
00:30:52.559 --> 00:30:55.519
to get up on that and turning that around and

609
00:30:55.559 --> 00:30:58.160
realizing that because you've got to stop thinking that it's

610
00:30:58.160 --> 00:31:00.000
going to get back to the way it was, because

611
00:31:00.079 --> 00:31:02.920
the way it was wasn't real. So there's no getting

612
00:31:02.920 --> 00:31:05.000
back to the way it was because that was fake.

613
00:31:05.119 --> 00:31:08.960
That was manufactured, and that can be really hard on

614
00:31:09.000 --> 00:31:11.519
its own to accept. And so that part might be

615
00:31:11.640 --> 00:31:13.839
really hard to accept because your brain is going to

616
00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:16.119
keep trying to go back to it. You know, John

617
00:31:16.200 --> 00:31:18.319
or Mary or whatever was so great. You know, Oh,

618
00:31:18.359 --> 00:31:20.279
I wish we could go back to those times. Well,

619
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:22.880
John or Mary wasn't real in those times. That was

620
00:31:23.000 --> 00:31:27.359
that was a narrative that was created to get and

621
00:31:27.440 --> 00:31:30.279
elicit from you. That was that was a kind of

622
00:31:30.319 --> 00:31:33.839
a long game to try to get something from you. So,

623
00:31:34.039 --> 00:31:35.759
you know, we have to begin to see these people

624
00:31:35.839 --> 00:31:37.559
who they are for who they are, and we have

625
00:31:37.640 --> 00:31:39.920
to stop making excuses, and we have to also accept

626
00:31:39.920 --> 00:31:42.079
the fact that there are malignant narcissists. We have to

627
00:31:42.119 --> 00:31:44.920
accept the fact that there are people that don't necessarily

628
00:31:44.920 --> 00:31:46.839
want us to do well. There are people that will

629
00:31:46.880 --> 00:31:48.720
step on our head to get ahead. Now, in the

630
00:31:48.759 --> 00:31:51.960
process they might be using us and the process we

631
00:31:52.039 --> 00:31:54.240
might be getting something out of it too, but you

632
00:31:54.359 --> 00:31:56.440
got to look at the reality behind it. You got

633
00:31:56.480 --> 00:31:58.680
to look at what they're coming from. Because if somebody

634
00:31:58.720 --> 00:32:01.519
doesn't have empathy and they don't really care about you,

635
00:32:01.640 --> 00:32:04.599
or your feelings or emotions and your pain and suffering

636
00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:07.000
don't matter, then what's really happening.

637
00:32:07.880 --> 00:32:09.519
Who are you really in a relationship with.

638
00:32:09.799 --> 00:32:13.519
Not somebody that's going to be helpful, not somebody that's

639
00:32:13.559 --> 00:32:14.279
going to be there for you.

640
00:32:14.359 --> 00:32:15.079
Really, it's going to.

641
00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:18.359
Be somebody that's hurtful, painful, somebody that's going to elicit

642
00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:21.920
some negative responses, somebody that's really not there for you.

643
00:32:22.160 --> 00:32:23.960
They're not really there for anybody. It's not just that

644
00:32:24.039 --> 00:32:27.920
you're the only person they're not there for. You know. Also,

645
00:32:27.960 --> 00:32:29.680
we have to see the beginning again, it's fake. We

646
00:32:29.799 --> 00:32:32.039
have to see the beginning and keep telling ourselves and

647
00:32:32.079 --> 00:32:34.240
keep reminding and keep seeing the chinks in the armor

648
00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:37.200
from the beginning, because there were many signs. There were

649
00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:41.640
definitely whispers that there was fakery. There was definitely whispers,

650
00:32:41.640 --> 00:32:43.160
but a lot of times we don't want to see it.

651
00:32:43.759 --> 00:32:45.200
But you got to go back and look at that.

652
00:32:45.319 --> 00:32:47.920
Sometimes you got to go back and look at some

653
00:32:47.960 --> 00:32:50.599
of those red flags and write them down, write them down.

654
00:32:51.240 --> 00:32:55.359
Writing them down is amazing because in the relationship with

655
00:32:55.400 --> 00:32:59.759
a malignant narcissist, they will gaslight you to question your reality,

656
00:32:59.759 --> 00:33:01.799
to get you to question your reality so that they

657
00:33:01.799 --> 00:33:04.240
can even run more game in the situation.

658
00:33:04.759 --> 00:33:06.400
So we have to see through this.

659
00:33:07.599 --> 00:33:09.920
You know, you also want to begin to look at

660
00:33:09.920 --> 00:33:14.559
how often they are putting you down, criticizing you. How

661
00:33:14.599 --> 00:33:18.319
often are you being criticized? How often are you being

662
00:33:18.400 --> 00:33:23.319
put down? Really think about that, how often is this happening?

663
00:33:24.759 --> 00:33:29.359
And that's something to really analyze, And it's very important

664
00:33:29.359 --> 00:33:34.640
to analyze that. It's very important because in the process

665
00:33:34.640 --> 00:33:38.400
of analyzing that, you begin to see the truth. You

666
00:33:38.440 --> 00:33:40.960
begin to see the truth. How much is really happening

667
00:33:41.000 --> 00:33:43.079
because and I don't want you to just write it off, Oh,

668
00:33:43.119 --> 00:33:45.240
they were in a bad mood, you know, all these

669
00:33:45.279 --> 00:33:48.559
types of things giving excuses for their behavior. Would you

670
00:33:48.599 --> 00:33:51.319
be able to have that behavior? Would you be able

671
00:33:51.359 --> 00:33:53.359
to talk to them like that? Would you be able

672
00:33:53.359 --> 00:33:55.559
to criticize them like that? And try it out? See

673
00:33:55.599 --> 00:33:59.640
what happens with a malignant narcissist. You know, even bringing

674
00:33:59.720 --> 00:34:03.160
up in anything they're gonna have or freaking meltdown. They're

675
00:34:03.200 --> 00:34:05.160
gonna have a meltdown that you're gonna wish you never

676
00:34:05.200 --> 00:34:08.079
brought up anything because they will melt down for four hours,

677
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:10.760
keeping you up all night or starting it off at

678
00:34:10.800 --> 00:34:13.639
five am the morning. You know, I had a client

679
00:34:13.679 --> 00:34:16.960
reason that's telling me about that. It started at four am.

680
00:34:17.119 --> 00:34:18.079
They welcome up.

681
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:20.159
And started arguing again about something.

682
00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:22.519
You know.

683
00:34:22.639 --> 00:34:24.679
Also, one of the biggest things I find with these

684
00:34:24.719 --> 00:34:28.360
types of relationships is that ultimately.

685
00:34:29.280 --> 00:34:30.239
These people.

686
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:34.519
Kind of want to steal your joy. They don't care

687
00:34:34.559 --> 00:34:38.880
about your joy. They don't care about you necessarily. Now

688
00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:40.719
they care about you to a means to an end,

689
00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:43.639
to get something, to use something, to have something to

690
00:34:43.719 --> 00:34:50.000
do that. Yes, that's true. However, they're not caring about

691
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:54.360
your joy or how you feel or your self esteem.

692
00:34:54.880 --> 00:34:57.159
They're not trying to build your self esteem up. Oh

693
00:34:57.199 --> 00:35:00.400
I'm gonna build up so yeah, that's not nah. No,

694
00:35:00.840 --> 00:35:03.239
they want all the accolades. They want you to sit

695
00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:05.679
there and you know, you know, and tell them how

696
00:35:05.719 --> 00:35:08.079
great they are. But when it comes to you, they're

697
00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:09.880
not gonna build you up. They're gonna build They're gonna

698
00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:11.840
take you down. They're gonna take you down because it

699
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:15.079
empowers them. And that's what I really want you to

700
00:35:15.079 --> 00:35:17.519
think about is if you're dealing with them malignant narcissists,

701
00:35:17.519 --> 00:35:23.400
your pain is their gain. Okay, your pain is their gain.

702
00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:26.039
And so if you're telling them you know whatever, you

703
00:35:26.079 --> 00:35:28.800
need to really watch out and realize how does somebody gain,

704
00:35:28.920 --> 00:35:32.000
Like somebody that's healthy is not gaining from you by

705
00:35:32.079 --> 00:35:34.760
you being in pain. Quite the opposite. A healthy person

706
00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:37.320
doesn't want to see somebody else in pain. You know,

707
00:35:37.360 --> 00:35:38.920
they're gonna try to help them be there. They're not

708
00:35:38.920 --> 00:35:40.719
going to try to put you down or hurt you

709
00:35:41.199 --> 00:35:45.239
or make you feel bad. That's not gonna happen. So

710
00:35:45.320 --> 00:35:47.320
these are all things that you want to think about.

711
00:35:47.400 --> 00:35:49.079
These are all things that you kind of want to

712
00:35:49.079 --> 00:35:53.119
think about and analyze because in these situations, your pain

713
00:35:53.239 --> 00:35:57.119
is their gain and that's very important to understand and

714
00:35:57.199 --> 00:35:58.559
it's very important to analyze.

715
00:35:59.280 --> 00:36:00.119
And so think about that.

716
00:36:00.119 --> 00:36:02.000
If you're dealing with a millennat narcissists, you need to

717
00:36:02.039 --> 00:36:04.360
begin to safeguard yourself. You need to see the truth,

718
00:36:04.400 --> 00:36:07.079
you need to analyze the truth. You need to recognize

719
00:36:07.119 --> 00:36:09.800
how the beginning was not true. How the beginning there

720
00:36:09.880 --> 00:36:12.760
was a mass being worn. How you fail for a

721
00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:16.280
different reality than is the reality that is now that

722
00:36:16.440 --> 00:36:18.880
is the truth, and we need to start to begin

723
00:36:18.920 --> 00:36:21.639
to safeguard ourselves. We need to start, you know, reaching

724
00:36:21.679 --> 00:36:24.119
out to our friends and family, you know, reaching out

725
00:36:24.199 --> 00:36:26.719
to people that you actually you know can trust, you know,

726
00:36:27.119 --> 00:36:29.480
like really thinking about the direction of your life, thinking

727
00:36:29.480 --> 00:36:31.360
about what you want in your life, thinking about how

728
00:36:31.360 --> 00:36:33.639
you're going to get there, you know, thinking about different

729
00:36:33.639 --> 00:36:36.480
things like that, and then seeing the situation for what

730
00:36:36.599 --> 00:36:39.400
it is. And I'll have other shows here about talking

731
00:36:39.440 --> 00:36:41.119
about what we can do about it. But in the

732
00:36:41.159 --> 00:36:45.519
meantime it's overwhelming enough usually to hear this. But it's

733
00:36:45.559 --> 00:36:48.159
the right thing because in order to know what to do,

734
00:36:48.280 --> 00:36:51.079
we have to know what we're dealing with. It's like it's,

735
00:36:51.079 --> 00:36:53.239
for example, if you're if you're not dinosed, but you

736
00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:55.800
think you have a disease, but you're not dinosed and

737
00:36:55.840 --> 00:36:57.960
you haven't had the test run, you know, how can

738
00:36:58.000 --> 00:37:00.000
you begin to get a solution? How can you be

739
00:37:00.039 --> 00:37:02.280
again to get better if you don't know what it is.

740
00:37:02.360 --> 00:37:04.400
We have to know what it is. We have to

741
00:37:04.440 --> 00:37:06.440
know what the brand of the situation is, and then

742
00:37:06.480 --> 00:37:08.880
we have to go by that to analyze what we

743
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:12.760
need to do to safeguard ourselves and to create the

744
00:37:12.840 --> 00:37:15.320
life that we want, because that's so important. And I

745
00:37:15.360 --> 00:37:17.840
just want everybody to understand what the truth is because

746
00:37:17.880 --> 00:37:19.960
once we know the truth, then we can see it,

747
00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:21.800
we understand it. But if we don't know when it's

748
00:37:21.840 --> 00:37:26.119
going under the radar, we can't safeguard ourselves. We can't

749
00:37:26.199 --> 00:37:28.679
change things, we can't augment things, we can't do things

750
00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:30.920
that we need to do. And that is why I

751
00:37:30.920 --> 00:37:33.559
think it's so important to just get the information out,

752
00:37:33.760 --> 00:37:36.480
the knowledge out, because the knowledge is power. I hope

753
00:37:36.480 --> 00:37:38.960
the show has helped you and connected with you. Please

754
00:37:39.000 --> 00:37:42.000
share with anybody that you think needs to hear this message.

755
00:37:42.400 --> 00:37:46.480
If you haven't already, check out YouTube have a YouTube channel.

756
00:37:46.480 --> 00:37:49.559
We have almost two hundred thousand subscribers. We definitely would

757
00:37:49.639 --> 00:37:51.480
love you to subscribe to the channel. Just go to

758
00:37:51.559 --> 00:37:54.480
YouTube put in Life Coach Ashley Burgess and push that

759
00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:59.480
subscribe button and you get you'll get notifications of the

760
00:37:59.480 --> 00:38:04.159
new video. We have lots of videos on narcissism, malignant narcissists, BPD,

761
00:38:04.800 --> 00:38:07.719
even how you know toxic relationships as well as you

762
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:10.800
know healthy relationships, what makes a healthy relationship, and the

763
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:13.559
list goes on. So hopefully you can also be a

764
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:15.320
part of the YouTube channel as well.

765
00:38:15.679 --> 00:38:17.559
So I hope that the show is connected with you.

766
00:38:17.639 --> 00:38:20.960
We'll have another show next week and Literature Life Perspectives

767
00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:22.920
with your host me, Ashley Burgers will be back in

768
00:38:23.039 --> 00:38:23.960
I'll be back this time.

769
00:38:24.000 --> 00:38:24.360
You know it.

770
00:38:24.480 --> 00:38:28.800
I'll be back this time in three shakes,