How is Your Life Affected when You Hyper-Focus on One Stressful Relationship? [Ep.751]

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You're in a good place now.
You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back live to Litera two Life
Perspectives, and I'm your host,

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Ashley Burgess. On today's show,
I'm asking the question, are you hyper

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focus on a situation in your life, resolving a problem or issue in your

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life that it seems like all the
energy is going to that one situation,

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that one problem, that one deficiency, that one relationship, where everything else

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seems to be falling by the wayside. I've been working with clients through a

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long time, years and years and
years, and it's interesting when we have

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conversations where they have even ran into
an actual physical wall, not paying attention

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because they were so caught up in
their own mind dealing with the problem at

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hand, whether it's that or having
an auto accident or other things that's happening

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not only physically, but emotionally and
mentally when it comes to everything else in

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their life. And this can be
very challenging because it can begin to happen

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a lot, if not all the
time. And I found that what happens

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here is that we become so hyper
focused on solving one issue that the rest

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of everything falls by the wayside,
creating other problems in our life where we're

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not able to decide or create solution. And unfortunately, we have these issues

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in our life that we have struggles
to be able to deal with. And

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so in today's show, I'm going
to offer some peace of mind, but

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also some advice here that you can
take and use in a situation like this

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that's going to help you to get
through it, but not only help you

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get through it, help you to
refocus your energy as well as coming up

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with some solution, but also how
to make sure that the rest of your

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life continues to move in the right
trajectory, because I think that's one of

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the biggest keys is that when we're
dealing with these situations and circumstances, we're

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having troubles and struggles that ends up
getting so overwhelming and so stressful that that

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becomes the point, the center point
of focus. And when that becomes the

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center point of focus, it becomes
a problem because everything else falls by the

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wayside. We start losing different things
in our life, different things start falling

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apart, we start losing these pieces, and so it's not until we actually

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kind of open our eyes and realize, oh my gosh, I've been so

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super focused on this one thing and
everything else is falling apart. So let's

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jump into some of the reasons why
you might have been super focused on one

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thing. I've been getting a lot
of emails from subscribers on YouTube speaking about

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romantic relationships that are extremely challenging,
where there's obstacles and issues that are hard

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to overcome, where it's constantly a
problem in the relationship. It's a push

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and pull relationship. There's a lot
of drama and stress involved, and in

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that situation, it seems like that
is their main focus in their life.

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And when that becomes your main focus, that is the issue, is that

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that main focus takes over everything else, and so we start looking at the

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relationship almost under a microscope where everything
becomes bigger, bigger, and bigger,

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and so we're looking at every little
piece, every little nuance, every little

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you know, if you're having questions
about the person, you know, taking

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in all the considerations, looking at
the evidence, you know, questioning this,

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questioning that, and that becomes really
the focal point, whether it's that

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or a marriage that needs repair.
If you're in the roommate situation and you're

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constantly seeing the marriage and wonder what
can I do, how can I change

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it, how can I augment it, what can I do to make this

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work? If you're in that situation
that's taken over your mindset as well,

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you're really really super focused on how
to make that change. And I've also

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found that sometimes when we focus on
things that's good, we're not we're not

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not focusing, we're not avoiding.
You know, sometimes we can just avoid

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it all together, and so it's
better than avoidance, right, So we're

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taking a stance we're not avoiding.
That's a good thing. That's a really

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really really good thing. But sometimes
we can overly focus, and so we

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have to find some sort of happy
medium from you know, not avoiding it

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and not overly focusing, because that
is very important because when we avoid,

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we're not getting anything done. When
we avoid, we're not taking care of

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our situation. We're not taking care
of the issues that we're dealing with.

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Instead, we're avoiding them. And
I think that many of us have dealt

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with that in our life, where
we're dealing with constant avoidance. On a

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constant basis, we're avoiding the big
issues in our life. Because we don't

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really have the answers to figure out
what to do. We don't have the

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answers to determine the solution. We
don't have the answers. And I think

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that the more and more that we
fear not having the answers, the more

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we actually avoid the situation. And
you know, it's one thing to avoid,

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it's another thing, however, to
really look at things clearly and see

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it and say, Okay, I'm
gonna start writing down my thoughts. I'm

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going to start educating myself on the
situation. I'm going to educate myself on

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what it needs to be done.
I'm going to educate myself on the situation

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at hand. I'm going to educate
myself on what part I need to play

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or what part I am playing.
More like it, because I think we're

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all playing some sort of part of
reality here. We're all playing some role.

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And as we're playing that role,
you know, we are going through

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different situations where where we see maybe
how the other person's acting or how they're

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treating us, or how they are
appearing. But we also need to work

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and see how we two are appearing
and how we two are showing up in

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this relationship and so writing down thoughts, what are things that are problematic?

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What are the problematic situations in your
life, and let's look at it.

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And so I advise here because you
know, the brain is there to come

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up with solution. It is a
problem solver. Not everything in our life

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is a problem, however, so
we need to be careful how much we

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employ our brain and what we're doing. So we definitely want to be careful

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how often we're doing things. But
what I want to emphasize here is that

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as we're dealing with this situation trying
to find solution for whatever that is,

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it's about really thinking, Okay,
this is how I'm feeling, this is

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what i'd like to see happen.
These are the setbacks that I've seen in

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this relationship or whatever that is.
You know, many of you are confused

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about a work situation. You're worried, you're confused. Maybe things are not

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working very well with the team at
your work. Maybe you're having struggles with

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the boss, and so that is
plaguing you. You're coming home at night,

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it's taking up your mind share,
it's stressing you out. You're putting

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stress in other areas of your life. Other things are failing and falling apart

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because of that and that fear,
and so realize that we can we can

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sit back a second and see,
Okay, this is really taking up my

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mind. Share whatever you're sharing with
your friends more for women than men,

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not always necessarily so, but I
find that more women talk about their issues

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with their friends. Men do too, But it depends. So if you're

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talking about it, you know,
what are you talking about? You know?

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I mean, is it about this
person? Is it about this situation?

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Is it about this circumstance? And
how often are you talking about it?

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Because the more you're talking about it, the more problematic it becomes,

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the more stress that it has on
you, the more that you're focused on

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that. And these are things that
are very important to understand. These are

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things that we need to identify to
be able to make those necessary changes in

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our life, because if we're having
these things happen to us and this stuff

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is going on, we need to
be able to control that. We need

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to be able to see that.
We also need to figure out how we

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can slow down the conversation about it, because the more and more we conversate

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about it, the more it becomes. Remember, our lead focal point in

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life. It becomes our main focus. And when it becomes our main focus,

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multiple things happen here. When it
becomes our main focus, multiple things

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come to pass. And when it
becomes our main focus. What we have

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to do is we have to sit
there and say, Okay, if I

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continue to focus on the problems of
the situation, I'm going to feel that

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my entire life is a problem.
I am going to feel like I can't

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seem to control anything that's gonna you
know, I can't seem to change anything

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or control it or make it better, and so that negativity is going to

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interfere. You're in other areas of
my life. It's going to basically infect

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the other areas of my life unless
I start getting this under control. And

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some of you may have been talking
about the same situation for a very long

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time. I know that many of
you are in relationships that have been problematic

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for years. I have many subscribers
who have sent me emails and messages on

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YouTube and other social media platforms like
Instagram and TikTok and Facebook, and you

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can find me on all those on
TikTok, Relationship Rescue on Instagram and other

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social media's just Ashley Burgess and then
on YouTube life coach Ashley Burgess or Ashley

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Burgess, just search up that channel. And it's interesting because you know,

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many of you have been in these
long term relationships that have been causing you

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a lot of chaos and struggle for
a very long time. And it's understandable

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to be able to talk about it. You want to be able to talk

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about it. You want to vent
about it. But what I've seen is

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the more and more that you vent, the more and more that you're missing

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out on your life, the more
and more that it seems that your life

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is kind of falling by the wayside, and we're spending way more time fixating

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on these other issues, fixating on
this particular thing, and not spending the

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time to really look at the rest
of the areas of our lives that we

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actually can do something about. And
I've realized that when we stay in problem

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mode, we don't really feel like
we can find solution. When we stay

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in problem mode, we don't feel
like we can find solution. We don't

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And that is a very interesting concept
in and of itself, So you know,

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think about it from that perspective,
is that you know, if we're

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in that mode and we're feeling that
way, we have to get out of

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that mode to begin to find some
happiness. We got to get out of

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that mode to begin to find where
we need to be, to understand and

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identify what we need to be doing. And all those things are very important.

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All those facets and assets of those
types of things are very important because

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when we kind of come out of
that and we say, Okay, I

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know that I haven't found solution with
this yet. And I think we also

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have to look at our mindset too, is that we can't be putting a

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lot, you know, a very
quick deadline on things. And I know

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that's something you might say, well, I've been in the same situation for

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five years. I got to put
some deadline. And I agree. I

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mean, if you if you've been
in the same situation for a number and

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number and number of years, you've
got to decide what you want to do.

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You've got to decide what you want
to do, and you've got to

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make you got to make a decision. But I don't want it to be

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down to the wire of timing.
I think it needs to be done in

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a strategic situation. Where you're asking
yourself certain questions. You know. Recently,

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I've been working with some clients who
are in romantic relationships with people where

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if they feel like there's a double
standard, like they're they're unable to do

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certain things but the other person is
allowed to you. They also feel like

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there's a lot of control in the
relationship where the other person is controlling them

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and putting their control over them to
do certain things or to act a certain

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way. And I think when you
begin to start seeing that situation and you

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begin to start seeing it for real, and you become aware of that situation,

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that's when you can sit there and
say, Okay, how much of

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this do I want to take on? Especially when this is a relationship that

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hasn't become a marriage yet, you
still have time to focus on the things

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that need to change. You still
have time to think about is this something

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that I really want long term?
And then you're also able to step back

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and look at the attachment style situation
within this relationship and really look at it.

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Honestly, Am I really truly in
love with this person or is this

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attachment style and my attachment style?
Is there a certain connection where I'm triggered

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and they're triggered, and it's keeping
us in the relationship because certain triggers,

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whether it's the fear of abandonment,
the fear of being alone, and different

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things can trigger some body to stay. The way that somebody acts, you

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know, if they're if they're making
you super jealous, it can create you

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know, you staying sometimes for ego
reasons, sometimes to prove a point,

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or to try to win the person
over, or to prove your value.

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You know, there's lots of different
reasons why we do things, and so

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being able to really assess that is
a smart move that we need to make

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on our own and seeing it honestly
for how we need to see it.

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I'll be talking more about this when
I return. I'll be giving you some

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information and knowledge on what you can
do to pull that focus and begin to

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refocus on yourself where you need to
be to be able to find solution for

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this situation and also be able to
deal with the other areas of your life.

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Stay tuned, because live your true
life perspectives with me. Your host,

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Ashley Burgess will be back in I'll
be back this time, you know

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it. I'll be back this time
in two shakes, turn it up and

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jump in the deep end on Perspectives. Now here's Ashley. Welcome back live

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to Liberty Life Perspectives and I'm your
host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show,

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I'm asking the hard question. Have
you been hyper focused on a situation

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in your life that needs resolved but
you still haven't found the solution and you

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feel as though and you're recognizing the
fact that the rest of the areas of

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your life are beginning to suffer.
That's just normal. When something is happening

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and you're super focused on one thing, the rest of the areas of our

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life begin to suffer. And that's
normal. But how do we change that?

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How do we overcome that? And
that's easier said than done when people

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like you need to focus less on
this relationship, you need to focus less

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on this, you need to focus
more on that, And you're like,

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how do I do that? How
do I make that a reality? How

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do I make that hop And these
are all good questions to ask, But

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the first thing that I want us
to really look at is when was the

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last time that you really asked yourself? You know, how are you feeling?

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You know, how am I feeling. How am I feeling in this

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moment? How do I feel about
my life? And that's very interesting to

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ask, how do I feel about
my life? How? What do I

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need? Encouraging thoughts? What do
I need in my life to feel better?

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What do I need in my life? And then when was the last

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time that you've actually done something for
yourself to really focus that, to focus

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on you. When was the last
time that you actually focused on yourself and

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did something in your life for you? And these are big questions to ask

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because we have to ask ourselves these
questions, and the process of asking ourselves

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these questions, we learn more about
how we're feeling, how stable we are,

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what we need in our life.
And many of us haven't asked ourselves

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these questions in a very long time, and it might be so long ago

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that you don't even remember when you
ask yourself these questions. So remember that

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the last time you ask what do
you need? What are you needing in

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your life? Have you done something
for yourself lately to help yourself? Have

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you put yourself out there in a
way that's beneficial to you, you know,

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have you spent that time really working
and crafting and cultivating yourself. Have

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you been able to sit down and
just relax sometimes and only focus on you

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and how you're feeling, and how
your heart rate and how your thoughts are

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and slowing down those racing thoughts and
really connecting with yourself. One was the

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last time that you were able to
do that? And I find that when

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we're really stuck in the minutia with
trying to find solution to a problem,

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when we're really stuck into that minusia, we are so hyper focused on this

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problem and solving it that we lose
the direction we need to really refocus our

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life. So one of the things
that I want you to begin to ask

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yourself, I want you to write
down in a journal a piece of paper

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that you're not going to be throwing
away anytime soon, something that's sacred or

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something you will keep. Is I
want to challenge you. I want to

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challenge you on life goals. You
know, what are some life goals that

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you want to attain? What are
the life goals that you want to attain?

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What do you want to attain on
this planet while in this lifetime that

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you haven't already done? This is
very important stuff. This is very important

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stuff, And I think that if
we can really focus on that, there's

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a lot of things that can come
out of that. There's a lot of

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good things that can come out of
that if we can just focus on that,

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if we can just focus on that
particular situation. So, what are

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some goals that we want to attain
and writing those down? It could be

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various goals. It could be relationship
goals, it could be career goals.

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It could be education goals. It
could be family goals, it could be

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personal time goals, could be any
types of goals that you have writing those

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down, because I'm telling you and
you know it, and I know it,

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none of that's getting done right now, and your state of constant stress

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and anxiety, none of that work
is being done, none of it And

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that's what's so challenging. And so
when I return, we're going to talk

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more about that, how to really
create that reality, how to get through

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that, how to make things work
for ourselves. What we can do to

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begin to pull focus, And that's
what we're going to be doing, is

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pulling focus away. We're not avoiding. We're gonna still try to find solutions

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to this situation, and we're going
to figure out what we need to do.

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But we're also going to focus on
ourselves a we'll give ourselves some self

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care and really also allow the rest
of our life to begin to flourish again

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or at least become alive in the
process. Stay tuned Literature Life Perspectives with

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your host me Asley Burgess will be
back in I'll be back this time in

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two shakes. This is Jake Busey
and you're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back live to Literature Life Perspectives, and I'm your host Ashley Burgess.

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On today's show, I've been talking
about focusing, hyper focusing on a

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situation in your life, which is
a good thing to focus on, but

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we've hyper focused so much on trying
to find solution with this one situation that

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the rest of our life seems to
be following by the wayside. And I'm

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going to give you a little bit
of information here in the sense that many

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of you might be saying, well, that's not my life. You know,

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things are going fine, but you
need to take a step back.

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It's like anything in life. If
we're really close to the situation, we

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don't see the small incremental changes.
I don't like to use this example,

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but it's a good example. Nonetheless, you have a friend of yours,

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unfortunately, who is battling cancer,
and you're with that friend every day.

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You take them to the hospital,
you're taking them to all the stuff that

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they have to do, and you're
seeing them all the time. And all

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of a sudden, you have some
friends that you know come by to see

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everybody. They haven't been around in
a very long time, maybe several weeks

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or even a month, and they
make comments about how the friend looks so

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frail, or how they look like
they lost a lot of weight, and

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you don't see it because, guess
what, you've been around them all the

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time. You don't see the change
because you're so involved. That's like anything

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in life, is that when we
get really inundated and we get really into

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something, we don't see what it's
doing to the rest of our life.

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We just don't see what it's doing. And that's where I want us to

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think about that. It's where I
want us to understand, you know,

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what are we doing and what's happening
in those types of situations. What are

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we doing in the situation that's creating
certain types of reality? And that's something

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that can be very helpful. So
let's begin to look at this. If

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you're dealing with the romantic situation,
a marriage situation, a work situation,

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you know, even you know,
dealing with your children. You know,

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maybe you're dealing with a custody situation, or maybe just dealing with kids,

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and you know they're not being responsive
as you want. You know, maybe

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they're not you know, taking the
time to get their work done at school.

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You feel like you're constantly battling with
them, and this is really taking

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over your mind share. You know, we need to step back. First

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off, we don't want to avoid
We just want to begin to step back

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and ask ourselves what is the what's
the problem basically, and what are some

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possible solutions, because we can't just
stay in problem mode. You know,

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if we just stay in problem mode, there's frustration, there's anger, there's

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resentment. All that stuff is there. All that stuff is there, and

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it's not going away. And that
resentment and anger is not going away.

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And so and that sadness and that
feeling of no solution is not going away.

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So all these things have to be
figured out to some degree. So

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we have to begin to figure that
out. We have to begin to acknowledge

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that. We have to begin to
see how do we make so how do

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we create solution. As we're working
through that and trying to figure out what

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to do, we begin to also
not only feel a little better that there

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is a possible light at the end
of the tunnel. We can do our

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research, But the next thing that
I want us to do is say,

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Okay, what are some things I
can take? What are some steps I

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can take now? What is something
I can do now to try and find

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solution or work towards solution in this
situation? Okay? Then after we know

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okay, I can do these two
things and this thing can be carried out

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today. Great. After that we
need to refocus our energy because if we

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just sit in problem and we just
think and repeat and tell our friends and

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talk about it over and over again, we're not getting into solution. And

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you know, one of the things
that I find is very interesting, you

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know, with our friends is trying
to explain a situation. I mean,

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in order to really explain a situation, you got to do some real explaining.

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In order to really explain something,
you got to really explain something.

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And so for the most part.
Most of the stuff that you tell your

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friends, they just listen to you
and agree with what you're saying because one

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it's easier and two you're their friend. But three they don't really have all

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the knowledge or information to be able
to help you. You know, different

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from a therapist or a coach,
and different from what I do. I

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can listen to all sides of it
and really help you to understand exactly where

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you need to go, what you
need to do, because ultimately, you

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know, if somebody hasn't been through
the situation, and I'm talking about the

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exact same situation, because no one
size fits all, they're not gonna probably

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have a good solution. And they
had to have had a good solution come

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out. They had to have like
worked on it, done it, and

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know it in and out, and
it would have to be almost an identical

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situation. It's not the way that
the world works, right, and we

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all have to learn things for our
own. So we got to start back

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and go, Okay, I'm I
see it. I'm gonna not talk about

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it so much. I'm not going
to have it on the forefront of my

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mind so much. I'm gonna start
reconnecting with myself and what ways can I

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begin to reconnect with me and what
ways can I reconnect myself, reconnect with

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me, focus on what I need
to be doing and really realize what that

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is that I want to do,
and so really reconnecting. Like I was

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speaking about in the very beginning to
the show, of looking at that list

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that you created of life goals that
you want to attain outside of your responsibilities.

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You know, what are some of
the goals? I mean, what

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are some of the goals that I
want to attain? And that's a really

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good question. What are some of
the goals and looking at how can I

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attain some of that? Now,
we can't just all focus on all our

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goals all the time, but we
could focus on one and think about things

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that we could do, and I
think that helps us to pull focus.

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I think also looking at some of
the things that have fallen by the wayside

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in our own life, you know, and I think that's a really big

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thing, is some of the things
that have fallen by the wayside in our

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own life, and we have to
get a grip on that. We have

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to understand that we got to equip
ourselves to understand that you know and really

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look at how do I challenge myself
what are the things that I could do

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for myself personally? What are some
things that I need to do for myself

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right now to make my life better? And if we can kind of get

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a little more focused on the things
that we can change versus getting stuck down

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in the minutia of things that we're
working to change, I think it actually

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gives us more leverage to actually get
done what we need to with the thing

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that's causing us frustration. So it
begins to help us with that thing that's

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causing us frustration because we're able to
work on it, We're able to override

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it, We're able to see it
clearly, we're we're able to derive from

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that, you know, some things
that are derivable. We're able to understand

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what we need to do in that
situation. And that's what's that's what's so

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valuable, is being able to connect
the dots on that. It's so valuable

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to say, Okay, hey,
you know what I've been putting off even

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going to the doctor. I know
that many of y'all are so stuck in

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dealing with a situation that you've even
forgotten to take care of yourself. You've

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put on the back burner, you
know, going in to have a physical

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checkup. You know, maybe things
are not you're not feeling great, you

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know, feeling you've put that off. There are things that need to be

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taken care of, You're not going
in to get it taken care of.

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Perhaps you're putting off working out,
not taking care of yourself, so you

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haven't worked out in a long time. You're feeling very sluggish, You're feeling

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very slow. All of these things
play a role. All these things create

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habit, and all of these things
need to get resolved. And when we

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try to resolve these things and we
see it, Okay, this is something

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I personally need to take care of
that benefits me directly. This is something

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that I need to take care of
that benefits me directly, that helps me

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feel better, that I can actually
feel better in my own life. And

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in the process of feeling better in
my own life, I can also regain

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some of my power. And that's
so important as well. And I feel

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like many of us, when we're
dealing with strife in our life, we

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feel powerless, or when we're dealing
with things that are unanswered, we feel

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powerless, or when people are giving
us ultimatums, we feel powerless. We

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feel like we have to address that
ultimatum. We have to be cool with

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that, we have to figure out
solution immediately. It's like we automatically go

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on to their timeline when their timeline
doesn't hold water. However, we begin

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to forget that. We get so
inundated and trying to be there for others

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and helping others and being who we
need to be and doing all these things

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that we don't focus on what we
need to do to feel better about ourselves.

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And that's something that I think is
very important. That is something that

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we have to deal with. That
is something that we need to understand.

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That is something that we can garness
a lot of information and knowledge from,

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and it's powerful and it's promising to
be able to see it for what it

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is. It's promising to be able
to see that for what it is and

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to be able to acknowledge that,
and so being able to acknowledge that and

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see that and be able to have
those types of understanding because our life goals,

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some of our life goals need to
be first off, taking care of

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ourselves, having our health and wellness
and doing things that we want to do.

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And I know that if you're involved
with a situation that's creating havoc in

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your life, you've lost focus on
that, and you can lose focus for

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a long time. You can lose
focus for multiple years and years at a

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time. Work with clients you know
constantly who literally they you know, the

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00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:07.359
last four years have flown by so
quickly because of a situation that they've been

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dealing with and something that they've been
dealing with day in and day out.

404
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You know, I work with some
clients who are dealing with a huge situation

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that takes place and it happens very
quickly, and it throws them so out

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of out of whack and out of
kilter as far as psychological, mental,

407
00:30:22.279 --> 00:30:25.839
and emotionally. You know that it's
it's it's tragic in the moment. It's

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almost like, you know, literally
all the pieces are broken and we're picking

409
00:30:29.319 --> 00:30:32.400
them all back up because for a
few weeks we you know, we took

410
00:30:32.400 --> 00:30:38.640
a vacation from life focusing on that
one thing. And the problem with it

411
00:30:38.680 --> 00:30:41.440
is is that a lot of times
that I'm not saying this across the board,

412
00:30:41.480 --> 00:30:45.880
but many of you are hyper focused
on the situation more than the other

413
00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:51.960
person involved. The other person is
less hyper focused. It's causing them less

414
00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:57.319
strife. It's causing you more strife. And so you're the one that's really

415
00:30:57.359 --> 00:31:02.480
focusing your life on it while they're
still living their life. They're still going

416
00:31:02.519 --> 00:31:04.920
through their things, they're still taking
care of their work, they're still taking

417
00:31:04.960 --> 00:31:07.880
care of the other things in their
life. And you know, I think

418
00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:11.319
sometimes it takes a wake up call
to realize that when someone else is doing

419
00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:14.880
that, to realize, okay,
wait, this person is still doing all

420
00:31:14.880 --> 00:31:17.759
they want to do in their life. This person is still taking care of

421
00:31:17.799 --> 00:31:19.279
all this that they want to take
care in their life. This person is

422
00:31:19.319 --> 00:31:22.359
still doing this. They're still doing
that that is part of their life.

423
00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:27.119
And then your life, your portion
of your life, has fallen off the

424
00:31:27.200 --> 00:31:30.599
side of the road, falling off
the side of the mountain, and you're

425
00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:34.200
over there trying to pick up the
pieces while that other person is continuing to

426
00:31:34.240 --> 00:31:41.119
live their life at a certain level. And that should actually kind of infuriate

427
00:31:41.160 --> 00:31:45.799
you. If anything, I think
it needs to create awareness and then infuriate

428
00:31:45.839 --> 00:31:48.920
you a bit, because I'm saying
this not to get you all angry and

429
00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:52.599
upset, But I'm getting you to
see that maybe you're putting more effort into

430
00:31:52.599 --> 00:31:56.440
the situation than they are. Not
that that's a bad thing, but remember

431
00:31:56.480 --> 00:32:00.319
if you're putting a lot of effort
into something and there not, what's going

432
00:32:00.359 --> 00:32:04.319
to really come out of this anyway? Like what are we trying to do?

433
00:32:04.359 --> 00:32:07.799
Are we trying to control the situation
or we trying to augment the situation?

434
00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:13.119
What do we want out of the
situation? Is the person capable of

435
00:32:13.160 --> 00:32:15.240
giving us what we want? Are
we? I mean, are are we

436
00:32:15.319 --> 00:32:20.480
in it together? Are they capable
of coming to the plate with us?

437
00:32:20.599 --> 00:32:24.519
Are they capable of dealing with their
own situations? And I found too that

438
00:32:24.599 --> 00:32:28.640
sometimes, you know, you can
be in relationships with people who are not

439
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:35.160
at the emotional level as you are. They're just not They might talk to

440
00:32:35.240 --> 00:32:39.119
talk, but they're not at that
emotional level as you are. And that

441
00:32:39.279 --> 00:32:43.440
is something that we really need to
recognize. If somebody's not at the emotional

442
00:32:43.519 --> 00:32:47.079
level, what do you do?
What is it that you do? And

443
00:32:47.640 --> 00:32:52.480
is that someone that you necessarily want
to be in a relationship with, because

444
00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:57.720
that can also be very questionable if
someone's not able to be at the emotional

445
00:32:57.839 --> 00:33:01.559
level or near your level, you're
going to be having a lot of disconnect

446
00:33:01.559 --> 00:33:08.200
and a lot of pain because that
person is unable to communicate or to act

447
00:33:08.599 --> 00:33:17.359
in a responsible, sincere way.
And that in and of itself is very

448
00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:24.920
important to think about. That in
and of itself is what really needs to

449
00:33:24.920 --> 00:33:29.160
be thought about. Because there's somebody
that you're in a relationship with it is

450
00:33:29.200 --> 00:33:34.559
not emotionally available or is not there
at that level, You've got to ask

451
00:33:34.599 --> 00:33:37.680
yourself what are you willing to deal
with in life? And I understand it's

452
00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:42.160
sometimes it's easier to be in a
relationship than not. I understand that some

453
00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:45.720
of you know love and care about
people. That's a big thing. But

454
00:33:45.799 --> 00:33:50.480
again, if this is if you're
hitting your head against the wall about a

455
00:33:50.559 --> 00:33:54.240
situation, really stepping back and looking
at it. First off, and are

456
00:33:54.240 --> 00:33:59.240
they giving as much energy to solving
this issue as I am? First off?

457
00:34:00.400 --> 00:34:07.160
Okay, do both people realize there's
an issue? Thirdly, you know,

458
00:34:07.319 --> 00:34:12.719
what are they doing to make things
better? What am I doing to

459
00:34:12.840 --> 00:34:19.039
make things better? You know?
How can I stop the narrative so that

460
00:34:19.119 --> 00:34:23.320
I can refocus on my own life? And then what are some aspects of

461
00:34:23.360 --> 00:34:29.920
my own life separate from this relationship
that I can focus on and work to

462
00:34:30.079 --> 00:34:34.719
make better, So that will actually
help me to feel better about the situation

463
00:34:34.800 --> 00:34:39.840
at hand and make me feel more
able and powerful to solve the other issues

464
00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:44.320
in my life. Stay tuned our
return on me talking about a couple more

465
00:34:44.320 --> 00:34:47.360
of golden nuggets that I hope will
help you in your situation. Liberatary Life

466
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:51.119
Perspectives with your host me Askey Burgess
will be back in. I'll be back

467
00:34:51.159 --> 00:35:12.159
this time in two shakes. Get
in here. You're listening to Perspectives with

468
00:35:12.239 --> 00:35:16.480
Ashley Burgess. Welcome back Live to
Live your True Life Perspectives and I'm your

469
00:35:16.480 --> 00:35:22.599
host, Ashley Burgess. We've been
talking about pulling focus off that overwhelming situation

470
00:35:22.679 --> 00:35:25.119
in your life to be able to
make sure that other things in your life

471
00:35:25.159 --> 00:35:30.119
are still going smoothly. Anytime that
there's a big issue, a lot of

472
00:35:30.119 --> 00:35:34.159
times we lose it right, everything
kind of falls by the wayside, and

473
00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:37.039
then everything that was working is no
longer working as well as what's not working

474
00:35:37.119 --> 00:35:40.280
very well. That was the main
focus point. And so you know,

475
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:43.840
right before the break, I've been
talking about, you know, becoming more

476
00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:47.039
powerful and the way that we become
more powerful is that we're able to work

477
00:35:47.079 --> 00:35:52.800
on the other things in our life
that aren't at you at ground zero.

478
00:35:52.719 --> 00:35:57.920
We're able to really nurture those aspects
of our life, nurture the aspects of

479
00:35:57.960 --> 00:36:01.960
our health, nurture ourself into a
better situation where we feel better about ourselves,

480
00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:07.199
where we're actually creating solution in other
areas of our life. And that's

481
00:36:07.239 --> 00:36:13.800
what's become so powerful. That's when
we're able to really become so powerful and

482
00:36:13.880 --> 00:36:16.599
be able to find that and really
connect with that. And that's what I

483
00:36:16.639 --> 00:36:22.280
think is so valuable and so in
and of itself, it's a very powerful

484
00:36:22.320 --> 00:36:27.360
stance to be in if we can
just pull focus, look at those life

485
00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:30.519
goals that we want, begin to
reconnect with ourselves. And I think one

486
00:36:30.519 --> 00:36:36.559
of the best ways to reconnect in
the first place is when dealing with your

487
00:36:36.559 --> 00:36:38.400
health. You know, being able
to take care of your health is something

488
00:36:38.440 --> 00:36:43.639
that you can control to some degree. So going to a doctor, taking

489
00:36:43.679 --> 00:36:47.039
care of yourself, finding a new
remedy, you know, going and getting

490
00:36:47.039 --> 00:36:51.400
those checkups, doing nothing, feeling
better, like checking your mental health.

491
00:36:51.400 --> 00:36:54.760
How do you feel talking to somebody
like myself or somebody that works with me

492
00:36:54.880 --> 00:37:00.079
and getting some more of a baseline
being able to connect and then us work

493
00:37:00.239 --> 00:37:04.719
through that problem or issue in our
own life. Right here, us working

494
00:37:04.719 --> 00:37:10.039
through that problem and issue for ourselves
together and somebody else sharing part of the

495
00:37:10.079 --> 00:37:15.199
burden, because it's a lot easier
when we're able to speak to someone that

496
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:19.480
doesn't have any there's no stake in
it. There's you know, there's one

497
00:37:19.519 --> 00:37:22.239
way or another is not going to
affect that person. So they're going to

498
00:37:22.320 --> 00:37:24.920
give you the better information. They're
going to help you to find the knowledge

499
00:37:24.920 --> 00:37:29.159
within your own mind. They're going
to help you to connect with the consciousness.

500
00:37:29.360 --> 00:37:31.079
They're going to help you to connect
with your subconsciousness. They're gonna help

501
00:37:31.079 --> 00:37:35.039
you to connect with your higher self
in a way that now you're like,

502
00:37:35.079 --> 00:37:37.639
Okay, this is really where I
need to be at. This is what

503
00:37:37.719 --> 00:37:40.960
I am thinking, and this is
the fear and triggers I'm having, and

504
00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:45.000
this is what's been creating a lot
of the static in my life. And

505
00:37:45.000 --> 00:37:49.400
this can be super powerful once we
begin to get a handle on it,

506
00:37:49.719 --> 00:37:52.440
we become very super powerful. In
the moment, we become super powerful and

507
00:37:52.519 --> 00:37:55.880
understanding that and so like, think
about that What are some areas in your

508
00:37:55.880 --> 00:37:59.639
life that you can do and you
can control right now? What are some

509
00:37:59.679 --> 00:38:01.960
things you need to tackle for yourself
right now, in the next few days,

510
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:05.840
in the next few weeks, start
working on those, and you would

511
00:38:05.880 --> 00:38:09.239
be surprised. The more that we
do, the more that we're able to

512
00:38:09.280 --> 00:38:13.440
get done, the better it is. The more that we're able to get

513
00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:15.800
done, the more that we're able
to accomplish, the better it becomes for

514
00:38:15.960 --> 00:38:21.719
ourselves and for our success, because
we as individuals like to have success.

515
00:38:21.760 --> 00:38:25.320
It's nice to be successful. It's
nice to feel good about something. It's

516
00:38:25.480 --> 00:38:29.400
nice to feel like we were able
to solve a problem or deal with the

517
00:38:29.480 --> 00:38:32.360
situation. All these things are very
nice. All these things are very powerful,

518
00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:36.360
and that helps us to get to
that next level. It helps us

519
00:38:36.360 --> 00:38:38.679
to have that power, It helps
us to have that and it also really

520
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:43.239
seeps in a positive way in other
areas of our life. So think about

521
00:38:43.239 --> 00:38:45.719
that. You have a big plaguing
issue and you've been dealing with it for

522
00:38:45.719 --> 00:38:49.559
a long time. Also, you
know, make sure that everybody's coming to

523
00:38:49.639 --> 00:38:52.199
the table with trying to find solution. Make sure you're not the only one

524
00:38:52.280 --> 00:38:55.360
doing it. You're not the only
one laboring with us and carrying this intense

525
00:38:55.480 --> 00:39:00.840
burden. Also remind yourself how much
you are dealing with this stuff and remember

526
00:39:01.079 --> 00:39:05.280
this is something that you have to
deal with, but how much of the

527
00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:07.880
time are you spending dealing with it? When do you want to find solution?

528
00:39:08.000 --> 00:39:12.599
Are there areas in life that you
can find other solutions that will also

529
00:39:12.760 --> 00:39:15.079
help you, and really kind of
figuring out this solution because I figured that

530
00:39:15.119 --> 00:39:20.119
everything is connected. So if there's
a problem here, there's a connection.

531
00:39:20.480 --> 00:39:23.360
If we're in a situation that we're
not happy with, there's multiple reasons why,

532
00:39:23.679 --> 00:39:28.599
and that might be connected to other
things in life, whether it's financial

533
00:39:29.920 --> 00:39:34.480
or work wise or family dynamic that
needs to be looked at and understand too.

534
00:39:34.480 --> 00:39:37.360
Because remember each thing is not separate. It's an entirety. It's like

535
00:39:37.400 --> 00:39:42.199
our whole person. It's looking at
the whole being right, the whole situation,

536
00:39:42.280 --> 00:39:45.199
the whole life, the whole body
of work, instead of taking one

537
00:39:45.239 --> 00:39:47.400
piece or another. I hope this
has helped you. In the meantime,

538
00:39:47.719 --> 00:39:52.760
we put up video content every single
day on YouTube. Go to YouTube and

539
00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:57.920
look up Ashley Burgess or life coach
Ashley Burgess. Check it out also as

540
00:39:57.920 --> 00:40:02.800
well as a relationship rescue on TikTok
or Ashley Burgess on all other social medias

541
00:40:04.360 --> 00:40:07.960
including Facebook and Instagram. I look
forward to hearing from you. You can

542
00:40:07.960 --> 00:40:10.159
always send me a message on one
of those platforms and ask me a direct

543
00:40:10.239 --> 00:40:14.639
question and I will do my best
to answer that question for sure. And

544
00:40:14.679 --> 00:40:17.719
in the meantime, just remember putting
things in perspective, doing things for yourself,

545
00:40:19.039 --> 00:40:21.719
stepping up to the plate and taking
care of things that you need to

546
00:40:21.719 --> 00:40:24.880
take care of. Definitely taking care
of your personal health and being able to

547
00:40:24.920 --> 00:40:30.280
really find some solace in that feel
good about making something happen, about doing

548
00:40:30.360 --> 00:40:35.760
something good for you, and that
in and of itself is super powerful.

549
00:40:36.159 --> 00:40:38.280
Stay tuned. We have a great
show for you coming up next, Ligatue

550
00:40:38.320 --> 00:40:43.800
Life Perspectives with me your host,
Ashley Burgess, will be back in you

551
00:40:43.920 --> 00:40:45.840
know it. I'll be back this
time. I'll be back this time.

552
00:40:45.880 --> 00:40:46.679
In three shakes,