Emotional Attachment To Our Cars, Why We Can't Let Them Go? [Ep.762]

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You're in a good place now.
You are listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back live to Literature Life Perspectives, and I'm your host, Ashley

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Burgess. On today's show, I'm
talking about the emotional attachment that we have

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with our vehicles, that emotional attachment
we have where we just can't let them

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go. I've had many clients tell
me that their wife just can't let go

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of that car, or their husbands
just can't sell that vehicle that needs all

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this help. They keep putting money
into it. They don't know why they

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can't get rid of it. Myself, I deal with it myself. I

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have a car that I just can't
get rid of. I'm emotionally attached to

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it, and so I thought on
today's show, it would be great to

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tackle the reasons why this happens in
our life. Why can't she get rid

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of the car, Why can't he
get rid of the car? What's the

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reasoning behind it? So we can
start understanding this, it's a little better

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and understand how to overcome this.
Because I think this is super important and

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it's interesting because I think that many
of us are attached to our vehicles.

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Many of us are attached to our
cars. We love our cars. We

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are connected to our vehicles. We
see them and their personality. We feel

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like our car has a sincere personnel, which makes a lot of sense.

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And so we're gonna be talking about
that in today's show and really connecting and

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discussing about that because it's going to
be very interesting to have this discussion.

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It's going to be very interesting to
be able to understand why this is and

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why it happens. So let's talk
about that right now, because I think

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now more than ever many of us
probably have always been it's been something that's

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really been tough for us to let
go. It's tough to overcome, and

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it's tough to let go because we
really connect with these vehicles. We connect

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with them because we give them almost
a type of personality. There was a

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there was a study that happened in
two thousand and six where you know,

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the participants in the study were involved
where they understood their personality and it was

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interesting how they would describe their personality
and how they would describe their car's personality.

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And it's interesting when you think about
a vehicle having a personality. I

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mean, I totally agree and totally
understand that, but it can really cause

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us to want to keep that car
no matter what. It was interesting they

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did an Auto Trader survey that more
than seventy percent of the respondents were at

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least somewhat, if not very,
attached to their cars, and thirty six

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percent of the people that were surveyed
in this Auto Traders survey described their vehicle

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as an old friend. And another
study, nearly half of all the drivers

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assigned a gender to their vehicle,
and about one third of them actually named

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them. And so, I mean, many of you might say that I

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might be preaching to the choir here, because I get it. I mean,

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many of us have named our cars. They have specific names. You

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know, there's there's a you know, there has been given a gender,

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there's been given a personality traits.
And for many car owners, emotional attachment

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can also come hand in hand with
socioeconomic mobility. You know, there's a

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lot of research to show that,
you know, car owners often assign human

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like attributes to our cars as well. In another study, they found significant

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difference in those situations between the people
that were actually in the study versus how

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they you know, discussed and talked
about their vehicle, and I think this

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is very interesting. I also think
that, you know, many of us

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actually look at our cars as having
types of personalities, right, And there

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was a study done in twenty ten
researchers in the University of Michigan asking a

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group or participants to describe their cars
and technical terms since as you know,

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unresponsive or versatile, and other participants
to actually describe their cars as personality terms

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like enthusiastic or quarrelsome you know,
it's interesting. Afterwards, both groups were

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asked about their willingness to replace their
cars, and those in the personality group

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are far less keen to do so
than in the technical group. And we're

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also much more much less likely to
take into account the quality and functioning to

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their car and contexts of replacing it. So this is very interesting too,

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so the functionality of the car.
So even if the car was not in

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good shape that you know, the
emotional attachment would trump those types of demands,

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encouraging the overspending of money maintaining and
also preventing from selling it. So

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I think that this is very interesting, and so on today's show, I

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want us to examine this emotional attachment. How we have this emotional attachment,

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you know, how connected we get
with our vehicles. Because I think if

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we actually look at this, you
know, and be able to study it,

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I think it's a very interesting aspect. I also think that many of

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us spend a lot of time in
our cars. And because we spend a

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lot of time in our cars,
you know, it's like anything in life,

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you begin to really appreciate that time. You know, it would be

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like spending time with a friend.
You know, you begin to appreciate that

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time you spend more time with them, and as a friend, you know,

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when you're spending more time with them, you probably overlook some of their

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issues as well, because they become
a friend of you. They're there for

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you, They're they're willing to be
there for you and thick and thin,

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and so sometimes we overlook things because
quite honestly, that person's been there for

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us. And that's something that truly
does matter and something that I think is

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important for us to understand and grasp. And so we're gonna take a look

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about that today because I think this
is all very interesting because I do think

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that there's a bonding how it looks, you know, the adventures that the

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individual has had in the vehicle.
I think that the more adventures you've had

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in the view cool, the more
you're wanting to keep that vehicle, the

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more life changes that you've gone through
in a vehicle. And that's a very

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interesting dynamic too, is you know, our life changes change in general.

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And I think that's something too,
is that many of us are going through

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loads of changes in our lives and
those changes can be overwhelming. Those changes

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can be very stressful because they're just
stressful. I mean, change too many

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people is extremely stressful. You know, change can be a very stressful aspect

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in life. And so if there's
something that's a consistent in your life that

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can be that can bring you reassurance. And I've had clients that when we

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talk about it, and I understand
it myself very well, is that when

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you're going through a lot of change, there's a lot of family dynamic change,

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maybe some different changes in your roles
in your job or your career,

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and all these things are kind of
happening at a very similar time. You

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know, you know, having a
constant, having something that's a constant can

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bring a lot of clarity or it
can provide some you know, just some

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peace of mind, you know,
that can be very helpful. And so

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I think that a lot of times
people will hold on to cars that are

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challenging as far as they're financially challenging. It's it's it's a lot of money

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to keep them up. There's a
lot of work that's involved, and I

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think that many people keep going through
that process because it's the one thing that

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they have that's the same. You
know, maybe you also got that car

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when you just got a new job. Maybe you remember taking your wife in

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the car when they were pregnant,
you know, and you're gonna have the

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baby. Maybe you remember picking up
your first you know, your dog in

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that car and taking your dog home
and all the things that happen there.

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You know, all these you know, these very life changing aspects of things

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that happen, and we begin to
identify with that vehicle, and that's very

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normal, and I feel like that's
a very normal feeling. I think that

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when you're also very mindful and in
the moment, being in that vehicle can

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be you know, very calming,
very soothing, and I think that these

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things can all create this reality of
not wanting to get rid of the car.

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I mean it's hard. I mean
I even looked up online to see,

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you know, different things about what
other people are writing about. There's

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there's even parts of of actual you
know, Google aspects here, you know

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that you can look up. But
it says how to part with your car?

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When you're in love with a car, how do you deal with it?

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You know? I mean, you
know it's it's hard, you know,

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and and you know they even say, you know, you got to

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go through the stages of grief.
You want to you want to make sure

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that car goes to a good home, you know, I mean, you

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know you want to do that,
and you got to move on it say

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specifically, don't become Facebook friends with
the next owner. You gotta move on.

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And I know some of you are
like, oh my goss, this

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is crazy, but some of you
out there getting exactly what I'm saying because

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you understand. You understand because there
is a sentimental value that many of us

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have on our vehicles. And so
we're gonna be talking more about that today,

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more about ways of maybe trying to
you know, you know, not

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be so attached. I'm not gonna
you know, give you all those concepts

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today, but I'm going to you
know, I'm going to reassure you that

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we're going to work on that a
little bit, because it's hard, and

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I think that many of us get
attached. And I don't see that as

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as a problem. I only see
that as an issue if the car really

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does need to be sold and there's
real, you know, issues with the

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car, or you need to move
on. And I know, and I

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know that some of you say,
hey, you know, I gotta garage

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is big enough to hold what I
need. I don't need to move on,

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and so you know, hey,
this is great. This is a

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show for you learning more about how
emotionally attached you are to your vehicle.

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For some of you out there,
maybe the show might help you to prompt

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you to say, hey, Okay, I really love this car and I

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really care about it, but I
do need to move on. I do

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need to do this for myself.
And you know, maybe you know,

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give you that little push in the
right direction to make that reality happen and

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you really think about it, because
this is this is real. I mean,

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you know, when you're going through
the big issues in life, when

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you're taking on the big you know, the big situations when you're tackling the

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big issues. This is important.
It's important because you're going to form an

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attachment. You're going to feel that
way. It's just human nature to do

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that. It's it's natural, and
it's not a bad thing. It doesn't

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say anything bad about you. Actually, it says that you actually do care

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and you you know, you develop
emotional attachments, which is not a bad

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thing. And and it really and
I think that's something that we have to,

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you know, really accept and understand
that. You know, I think

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that cars really do mimic relationships,
you know. I mean, like,

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you know, with my own vehicle, I have this, I have this

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kind of you know, push and
pull relationship with my car. You know,

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I love a car. We love
each other. We've been through thick

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and thin together. There's been some
crazy things that I've happened in that car.

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I mean, we've almost broken down, but we didn't. You know

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what. I remember driving back from
Austin one time and my entire car was

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leaning. It was leaning, and
I got back home and I remember I

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got back and I was like,
oh my god, you got me all

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the way back home without breaking down
on the highway. You're such a good

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girl. I'm so proud of you. I remember those things, and I'm

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sure that many of you have those
thoughts and as well as stories yourself.

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Anybody that's, you know, a
driver, somebody that gets around quite a

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bit, somebody that has to drive
a lot for work, drive a lot

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for travel. What have you understand? You've been there before, you know,

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and you resonate with that. And
it's interesting how we don't resonate though,

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with other people's cars so much.
Right, you might have a family

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member that has a car that keeps
on breaking down, and your first thought

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is you just got to get rid
of that car. You just gotta get

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rid of that car. And they
keep telling you, no, I can't,

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I can't, can't do it,
you know, But now you see,

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you know, sometimes you got to
look at it. It's you haven't

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had all those experiences and life changes, ex arces, and you know all

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that in that car or so you
you don't have that same attachment, and

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so understanding that we all logistically have
a type of attachment here and be able

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to respectfully understand other people and their
wishes and their thoughts about their vehicle.

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And there's been so many you know
different talks about how you know, a

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survey reveals relationships with cars mimic relationships
with people, you know, exploring those

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emotional reasons why people's relationships with their
car or are longer than ever before,

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and how people are keeping cars longer
than ever and it's a very interesting dynamic.

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It's a very interesting thing. And
in the fear of selling that car

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to somebody that's not going to take
as good of a care of it as

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you are, you know, worried
about what's gonna happen, what's going to

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happen next to your car, or
what's going to happen next to Mark or

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Bertha or Jane or whatever your car's
name. And so we're gonna dig deep

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into that in today's show on Laver
True Life Leaver True Life Perspectives, so

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that we can really deep tive into
that, because I think this is going

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to be a fun show today.
In the meantime, if you haven't already

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lot more to discuss on this topic
at hand. Live your True Life Perspectives

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with me, your host, Ashley
Burgess. We'll be back in I'll be

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back this time in two shakes.
Turn it up and jump in the deep

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end on Perspectives. Now here's Ashley. Welcome back live to Literature Life Perspectives

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and I'm your host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I'm talking about

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becoming emotionally attached to your care and
this can be really overwhelming for those out

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there who are emotionally attached or those
out there that don't understand the emotional attachment

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because it can get really irritating.
And I'm one of those people that have

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gotten emotionally attached to my vehicles,
always my whole life, emotionally attached,

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and certain vehicles more than others.
Certain vehicles certainly more than others. And

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there's one in particular that I need
to sell. I probably want to sell.

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I don't even really drive her that
much anymore. But you see,

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I don't drive her or that much
anymore. But it's hard, it's hard

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to let go. And I think
that there's a lot of things there.

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Like many of you will agree with
me on the life changes you've been through,

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so which changes in your life?
And this is the constant, you

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know, Bertha is the constant life. This is the constant. And it's

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a very good feeling to have Bertha
in your life. Whatever name your car

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is, whatever name. I don't
want to I don't want to put my

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name and in the thoughts. But
you know what I'm saying, that's mean,

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we get it. We're there.
I think also, spending time in

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your car, there's a lot of
time that we're spending. We're constantly spending

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time in the vehicle, constantly there. It's taking a lot of our time,

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and it's something that's true. It
really is, and you're there a

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lot, and there's a lot of
emotional attachment there and that's a normal thing.

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That's a very normal thing. It's
a normal thing to feel. It's

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a normal thing to be to have
that attachment, because it would be like

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if you you know, went to
an office every day and you really were

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there all the time and you enjoy
being in your office, you would really

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like that place. You would really
enjoy that place. You would have good

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feelings there. Also the adventures you
had in the car. Many of us

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have had major adventures in the vehicle, had major adventures where we're like,

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wow, we've had all these adventures
and all these things have happened and it

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feels good and we have these great
adventures, and so we think about all

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the adventures and all the fun that
we had in that car, and that

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can be really awesome as well.
And those are things that we need to

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think about. Those are the things
that we have that emotional attachment. We

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remember, you know, going to
you know, Colorado or driving up to

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Canada or whatever and having those adventures
and having those memories, those really awesome

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life memories that we have around that
situation. And I think those that's really

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neat to you because some of you
have some major life adventures when it comes

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to your car and major life adventures, and those can be really really fun

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and memorable, and the constant and
that memory was your car. I think

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one of the things that really connects
with me, and I don't know about

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y'all, but it definitely connects with
me is the close calls. The close

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calls where you you know, you
didn't have that accident or the car didn't

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really fully break down, you know
at that time, and you were able

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to get to the destination even though
you were scared that you weren't going to

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get there, that things weren't going
to happen, and so you understand that

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you're like, oh my gosh,
you know, if it wasn't for birth

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of if it wasn't for Marcus or
whoever, I wouldn't have gotten there.

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And I think those close calls or
you know, it really brings us together.

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I mean, think about how many
times you know you're in a situation

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with someone where it's it's a it's
a close life or death situation. That

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person is going to be in your
life forever probably you know, and I

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think that you know, a lot
of people underestimate. I think, you

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know, it's a it's a machine. But at the same time, I

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mean, I think that that machine
also has been there for you and being

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able to see that, and I
think that there's there's that difference between the

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two groups of people, right,
the people that get attached to their vehicles

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versus the people that don't. The
people that get attached to their vehicles put

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that emotional connection, they put a
personality on that vehicle much different than the

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other person that doesn't apply a personality
to the vehicle, doesn't see it as

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having human traits or human personalities,
and you know, and that leads me

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into the the next thought is the
relationship you know with this it's like having

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a relationship with with a living being. It's it's just it's a normal response

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when you have that connection. And
so I think that that's very normal as

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well. And so many of you
might be saying that's not normal at all,

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but anybody that's out there that's the
car lover knows exactly what I'm talking

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about. It's very normal to feel
that way because you grow in attachment,

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you connect with that. I was
about to say that person you connect with

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that vehicle, you have that connection. You've been through thick and thin together,

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You've been through close calls together.
So stay tuned. I got a

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lot more for you on how we
can overcome this a little bit and maybe

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move in the direction if we need
to to let go of this vehicle,

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and how to feel okay about it
or at least not as disturbed. Stay

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tuned, leave your True Life Perspectives
with your host me Asley. Burdis will

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be back in a way back this
time and two shakes. This is Jake

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Busey and you're listening to Perspectives with
Ashley Burgess. Welcome back live to Literature

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Life Perspectives, and I'm your host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show,

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I've been talking about being emotionally attached
to your vehicle, and we've been talking

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about the reasons why we're emotionally attached, and it's very real. Many of

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you out there who are not car
lovers probably don't understand this. But for

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everybody else out there who is a
car lover who has an attachment, an

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emotional attachment to a vehicle, you
understand that you got there over the years

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because of the experiences you had,
the near close calls you had, the

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adventures that you had in the car, spending time in that car for long

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periods of the time, you know, the life changes in your life,

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the things that happen in that car, and the relationship that you developed over

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time with that vehicle. And that's
very normal. And I think it's very

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normal because I, too, you
have a relationship with a car. I

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have a very deep relationship with one
of my cars, and I know that

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I eventually I have to eventually sell
her and move on. And it's really

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really challenging, but I do have
to do it. And I think that

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we all have to identify at what
point have we waited too long? At

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what point do we need to move
on? At what point can we move

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on? And that's hard because you
know, we always hear of, you

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know, of people like having the
cars in the drive that they don't really

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use, you know, the tires
are deflating, maybe the cars getting rusted,

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you know, maybe it's under a
tarp, you know, whatever level

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you have of that vehicle. I
mean, we have to kind of get

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right with it right now and decide
what do we need to do, and

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these are very important things to think
about it. And I mean, you

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know, if you're really into a
car and you have an emotional attachment to

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a car, it can be really
hard to let it go. It can

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be really almost impossible to let it
go because you don't want to let it

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go. You have so much riding
with that car. You love it,

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you care about it. So it
can be causing though pain in your relationship.

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It can be causing pain in your
wallet, It can be causing pain

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on your brain. As far as
this is so much to deal with,

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too much to deal with, too
much to overcome, too much challenge.

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You might also having to be proving
to your spouse or loved ones that you're

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really not crazy spending a lot of
money, maybe behind people's backs, and

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trying to keep it running. There's
a lot of things that happen here.

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I've seen a lot of things go
down, and I understand why it happens,

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but I think there comes a point
when we have to get right with

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it and part with the car.
And I know it's hard, but I

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mean there's a reason. I mean, if the car is fully running and

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it's in great shape, and you're
not having any problems, there's no reason

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you even have this conversation. But
if that is not the case, and

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the car is getting a lot older, and there's significant things that are happening

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with the vehicle, and there's significant
things that need to be taken care of

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with the vehicle, and you're kind
of spending more and more money and more

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money than is actually really needed.
We really need to probably check ourselves at

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this point and have a conversation and
really think about what is the best for

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me, How do I move on, how do I get through this,

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and how do I move on?
And this is all very challenging, I

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understand, but at the same point, we can learn from this and we

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can move forward. So let's really
think about that. Let's jump into that,

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because I think one of the things
that I did and I can talk

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about it, and you know,
I haven't been completely successful with getting with

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letting go of my car at this
point, but I'm almost there, So

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I feel like I can at least
talk to part of this as far as

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how to begin the process, and
I can give you other information on how

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to continue the process. But I
can tell you what I've done so far

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and what I've done so far goes
along with about a lot of other people

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talking about what they did to move
forward. Okay, so the first thing

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was cleaning the car, like cleaning
the car, massively cleaning the vehicle,

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and you know, just cleaning every
nook and creanting of the car, you

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know, making it presentable for a
potential buyer, you know, really really

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wiping the slate clean, you know, and really doing a really good job

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of it, and and and and
you know, doing that it can be

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very therapeutic in nature as well,
like the actual cleaning of the car can

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be very therapeutic. You can put
it in a different perspective. It's almost

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like you don't want to drive the
car anymore because it's so clean. Oh

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my gosh, I don't want to
drive this car. I don't want to

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deal with this. So there's a
lot of reasons why I did it.

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I did that because I feel like, you know, it was the right

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thing to do, you know,
and I set the mood. You know,

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I had some music on as well
as I was washing the car,

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that sort of thing. So there
is a part of it that's important.

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I also think that you gotta get
emotional, you know, there has to

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be some emotional connection because you are. And so we're fighting this emotional situation.

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And I know that many of you
out there, like, you know,

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I'm not about to cry over any
relationship, much less my relationship with

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my car. But I think many
of us do have those emotional feelings,

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We have those emotional connections, and
we have to let that emotion goes somewhere,

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right, We just can't keep holding
onto it. And I was reading

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a lot of articles on this,
and there's a lot of articles out there,

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guys. So if you want to
go on Google and put in whatever

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you know, like literally how to
let go of your car and you know

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how to detach, you know,
from your emotional connection with your vehicle and

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be able to move on. Almost
every single article brings up the fact that

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you probably need to cry. You
need to cry. You need to really

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purge and cry and get and get
those feelings out, you know, and

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and and you know, putting on
some music, and some people even suggest,

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you know, getting some ice cream. You know, you know,

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even watching a movie in your car
can be a good thing. Because I

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know that many of you have probably
watched a movie in your car. I

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know that you've listened to music.
I know you've eaten in your car,

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So having that connection and be able
to go through that and and I think

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that's important. And also having that
cry at your house is better than having

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that cry in front of a dealership
or in front of a potential new buyer.

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I think it's probably better to have
that cry on your own. Definitely

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important to have that emotional connection on
your own, and definitely you know,

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important to get those feelings out.
I think that's important. And I think

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that it's it's it's honest, it's
truthful, and it's deep thoughts, and

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I think it's a very important thing. I also think too that one of

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the biggest fears that we have when
we have an emotional connection is what's going

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to happen? You know, if
we if we sell a car, who's

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gonna get it? Are they going
to take care of it? Or are

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they gonna love it? Are they
gonna be there for it? Or is

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they gonna get hurt taking advantage of
And I think we think that way about

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many things, you know, and
this is a relationship again that's important for

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us to analyze and see that and
so I think that it's important to look

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at you know, Okay, how
do we find a good home for it?

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You know, I've sold I've sold
cars before on various on Auto Trader

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and various things as well. And
then you know, I've I've vetted those

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people too, you know, like
I've had conversation with them, anybody that

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I've ever sold a car too,
except for one person who I it was

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a little m questionable, but everybody
else was very good, Like they sent

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me pictures of them in the car, what have you. We still stayed

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connected, you know, we didn't
become Facebook friends, but we did stay

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connected to some degree, and I
was able to know what happened and how

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you know that that car went to
a good home and that person took care

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of it. And I think that's
important to anybody. I think anybody out

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there as a car person that knows
what I'm talking about. It's like any

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relationship you had, you want to
make sure that that is taken care of,

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because if you can't keep it any
longer, you want to make sure

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that you do the right thing.
You know. One of the other things

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that I find is interesting is that
many of us don't really know where we

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are with the stages of grief.
And I know that we're talking about a

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car. I get it, but
many of us aren't really sure where we

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are when it comes to the stages
of grief and feeling that grief and where

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you're at in those stages, And
that's something that we really need to analyze

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as well. That's something thing that
we need to take into consideration as well,

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because that is an important aspect of
where we are. And when you

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look at the stages of grief,
there's five stages, you know, and

410
00:27:11.119 --> 00:27:15.799
if you look at the Cubler Ross
model the five stages of grief, you

411
00:27:15.839 --> 00:27:26.119
have denial, anger, bargaining,
depression, and acceptance. And I think

412
00:27:26.119 --> 00:27:32.319
it's important to know where you are, you know, like, for example,

413
00:27:32.359 --> 00:27:34.160
if you're still trying to figure out
a way of holding onto the car,

414
00:27:34.359 --> 00:27:37.839
you're in the You're in the bargaining
concept. You're bargaining on how do

415
00:27:37.880 --> 00:27:42.319
I do this? What do I
gotta do to make this work? You

416
00:27:42.319 --> 00:27:45.880
know, if you're telling yourself,
you know, hey, I'm gonna give

417
00:27:45.880 --> 00:27:49.119
it. I'm gonna pass this car
down from generation to generation. I'm gonna

418
00:27:49.160 --> 00:27:55.680
give this, you know, to
my grandkid or whatever else, that's complete

419
00:27:55.720 --> 00:28:00.400
denial. Probably unless it's a super
classic car that you can keep going,

420
00:28:00.480 --> 00:28:03.480
but otherwise you're probably in denial.
Unless this is a super you know,

421
00:28:03.640 --> 00:28:10.559
old school classic car, definitely a
denial. And that's a big piece.

422
00:28:10.680 --> 00:28:15.599
I mean, I think that you
know, I am personally, I think

423
00:28:15.640 --> 00:28:19.000
in the depression phase because I'm at
the point where I know I gotta let

424
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:23.279
it go. I haven't come into
full acceptance. I'm almost there. I'm

425
00:28:23.319 --> 00:28:27.319
teetering on between depression and acceptance.
And and I think many of you are

426
00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:33.319
there right now in the teetering on
between the depression and acceptance, okay,

427
00:28:33.319 --> 00:28:37.720
because that's the hardest part, because
I think that in the beginning, you

428
00:28:37.759 --> 00:28:40.920
know, you have the denial,
and the denial lasts for a long time.

429
00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:42.599
Because I remember I was in denial, like I'm going to drive this

430
00:28:42.720 --> 00:28:47.440
car forever. This is my go
too, even though we've had all these

431
00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:51.920
crazy things happen, and you know, and my car has kind of been

432
00:28:51.960 --> 00:28:56.119
all over the place, and and
she's she's very good some days and not

433
00:28:56.279 --> 00:29:00.880
so good other days. I was
in full denial. And then after I

434
00:29:00.920 --> 00:29:03.799
got out of denial, which took
me quite a while actually to let go

435
00:29:03.839 --> 00:29:07.319
of the denial. States I got
into the Anger States, and anytime anybody

436
00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:11.880
would bring it up, it made
me mad. Okay, it would make

437
00:29:11.920 --> 00:29:12.960
me angry. I was like,
why do you bring this up? There's

438
00:29:14.000 --> 00:29:15.799
nothing wrong with my car? You
know, I don't want to deal with

439
00:29:15.839 --> 00:29:17.799
it. I'm fine, I'm fine, Let it go. Why don't you

440
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:21.319
think about your own issues instead of
mine? Why can't you look at your

441
00:29:21.319 --> 00:29:25.119
own situation. I don't understand why
everybody's got to ride my case about this

442
00:29:25.240 --> 00:29:27.880
vehicle. And then I did go
through the bargaining part where I was bargaining,

443
00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:30.559
you know, thinking about, Okay, what can I do. I

444
00:29:30.559 --> 00:29:33.119
can do this, I could,
I could drive it these days. I

445
00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:36.079
can take care of this. I
can find someone that can really keep this

446
00:29:36.119 --> 00:29:38.680
car up. Maybe I can keep
it over here in a place that's an

447
00:29:38.680 --> 00:29:41.240
easier place to keep it in,
somebody that can really up keep it and

448
00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:45.079
be there for it. You know, I was bargaining. I was creating

449
00:29:45.079 --> 00:29:47.640
all these you know, all these
items of things that I was going to

450
00:29:47.720 --> 00:29:51.160
do and how I was gonna do
it. And that lasted for a long

451
00:29:51.200 --> 00:29:52.920
time too. I mean, when
I really look at the length of time

452
00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:56.880
that I've been doing this, I've
been doing this for about I would say

453
00:29:56.880 --> 00:30:02.960
I've been going through the process for
now a year and a half. Okay,

454
00:30:03.000 --> 00:30:03.799
a year and a half, And
some of you may say, wow,

455
00:30:03.799 --> 00:30:07.359
it's a long time to be still
in the stage's grief. But when

456
00:30:07.400 --> 00:30:11.440
any relationship, it's really something that's
all in a personal situation. I mean,

457
00:30:11.480 --> 00:30:15.799
how can we define how long somebody
should be in a griefing standpoint?

458
00:30:15.279 --> 00:30:18.279
How do we do that? How
do we define that for other people?

459
00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:23.839
We just don't. But there's ways
of maybe pushing us faster. And I

460
00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:26.880
remember, you know, people in
my own family, Oh, you gotta

461
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:30.200
hurry up, come on, what
are you doing? I mean, why

462
00:30:30.200 --> 00:30:32.799
are you waiting it out? What's
wrong with you? And I mean,

463
00:30:33.240 --> 00:30:34.839
and it got irritating, you know, And it's almost like it did the

464
00:30:34.880 --> 00:30:38.079
opposite, right. It's almost like
when you're when someone's you know, like

465
00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:42.400
gaining weight and eventually wanting to lose
weight. But instead of you know,

466
00:30:42.599 --> 00:30:45.799
but but somebody makes a comment each
time they go to the refrigerator or you're

467
00:30:45.799 --> 00:30:48.079
gonna eat that, You sure you
really need that, you canna eat that?

468
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:51.880
And then you start sneaking food,
right, so it's like, you

469
00:30:51.920 --> 00:30:53.640
know, you heard enough about it. You had enough about it, you

470
00:30:53.640 --> 00:30:56.039
know, you don't need to keep
hearing people telling you, you know,

471
00:30:56.160 --> 00:30:59.920
from the peanut gallery, what you
need to be doing. And that could

472
00:31:00.119 --> 00:31:02.759
be challenging in and of itself because
a lot of times, you know,

473
00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:06.319
people don't put themselves in the shoes
of others, you know, and they

474
00:31:06.359 --> 00:31:10.119
make decisions, you know, for
others from a distance, assuming that they

475
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:12.839
know something or it's you know,
they know what's best for you, or

476
00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:15.359
they could do it better. And
I'm not saying that that's not the case.

477
00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:18.119
But again, a lot of people
make snap judgments on people when they

478
00:31:18.119 --> 00:31:22.160
have connections with their vehicles, and
I think it's wrong because I do think

479
00:31:22.160 --> 00:31:25.799
that we've had those life you know, we've gone through those life changes,

480
00:31:25.839 --> 00:31:27.559
and this has been the solid,
true you know, its solid and true.

481
00:31:27.920 --> 00:31:32.640
You know, you know person really
that's been in your life. You

482
00:31:32.640 --> 00:31:34.160
know, spending time in that vehicle. You know some of you have spent

483
00:31:34.240 --> 00:31:37.680
more time in your car than you
have in your home. You just have

484
00:31:38.200 --> 00:31:42.559
the adventures you've had, you know, the close calls, the relationship that

485
00:31:42.599 --> 00:31:47.480
you've developed as well. All these
things are very important. All these things

486
00:31:47.480 --> 00:31:49.799
are things to take into consideration,
which I think are very important. But

487
00:31:49.880 --> 00:31:53.920
let's go back to the depression stage. When you're in that depression stage,

488
00:31:55.799 --> 00:32:00.839
and I understand that you begin to
divide yourself from the vehicle because you've realized

489
00:32:00.839 --> 00:32:05.160
that you have to eventually let it
go, and some of you the car

490
00:32:05.279 --> 00:32:10.440
is now in another storage facility.
Maybe the car is now in the garage

491
00:32:10.519 --> 00:32:14.920
and the back corner of the garage. Maybe the car has been moved out

492
00:32:14.920 --> 00:32:17.200
to the from the garage and it's
covered with the tart. We're in that

493
00:32:17.279 --> 00:32:22.680
situation where we're not driving the car
that much because we're trying to separate from

494
00:32:22.720 --> 00:32:27.000
that relationship. We're trying to do
everything we can to make things work.

495
00:32:27.039 --> 00:32:30.839
We're trying to go in the right
direction and that relationship. And so I'm

496
00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:35.400
right there, and I'm almost at
acceptance because I realize that I'm right there.

497
00:32:35.440 --> 00:32:38.000
I'm at the point where the car
needs to be driven by someone who's

498
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:43.000
going to drive it. The car
can now find a new home and somebody

499
00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:46.359
will be very happy with that car, and somebody will take good, you

500
00:32:46.400 --> 00:32:51.359
know, a good care of that
vehicle because it'll be their vehicle. It'll

501
00:32:51.359 --> 00:32:54.400
be brand new to them, it'll
be what they want, And so I'm

502
00:32:54.440 --> 00:32:59.200
actually getting to the point where I'm
almost teetering from depression to acceptance. And

503
00:32:59.240 --> 00:33:02.039
anybody that's there knows exactly where I
am. You've probably you know, you

504
00:33:02.079 --> 00:33:06.920
go and you see the car,
you probably touch the car, you probably

505
00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:09.920
feel bad that you haven't taken care
of it like you said you were.

506
00:33:10.119 --> 00:33:14.960
And so now we're starting to kind
of beat ourselves up over not doing it,

507
00:33:15.079 --> 00:33:17.480
creating even more havoc in our life
and starting to think about, you

508
00:33:17.519 --> 00:33:20.880
know, Okay, how do I
move forward and what do I do?

509
00:33:21.039 --> 00:33:24.079
And so we'll be talking a little
bit more about that, because that's where

510
00:33:24.160 --> 00:33:28.680
I think many of you are,
and we've all been there before. But

511
00:33:28.759 --> 00:33:30.079
it's taken me, you know,
you know, it's taken me a while

512
00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:36.279
to get to the depression, acceptance
peace so that I can move on and

513
00:33:36.319 --> 00:33:38.400
be able to see it for what
it is. And that's truly, I

514
00:33:38.440 --> 00:33:43.160
think, what we all have to
go through when a car has become very

515
00:33:43.240 --> 00:33:46.039
close to us, when we become
very close to the vehicle, it's hard.

516
00:33:46.160 --> 00:33:50.359
It's become a friend in our life, it's become a family member in

517
00:33:50.400 --> 00:33:52.759
our life, and you know,
it's it's it's it's it's really there.

518
00:33:52.839 --> 00:33:57.359
It's really a connection that you have, and being able to accept that and

519
00:33:57.400 --> 00:34:00.440
grow with that is very powerful.
And so when I return, be talking

520
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:01.920
more about that, because you know, if you're there now, it's like,

521
00:34:01.960 --> 00:34:05.920
what do we do next to make
sure that this car gets a home

522
00:34:06.319 --> 00:34:08.119
that's right for it? How do
we move forward? What do we do?

523
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:10.639
And I also think there's a couple
of other things we can do too,

524
00:34:12.599 --> 00:34:14.519
you know, to have a memory
of it, you know, like

525
00:34:14.599 --> 00:34:16.639
how many pictures you have and those
types of things. You know, having

526
00:34:16.679 --> 00:34:21.880
an experience, you know, doing
you know some things before you sell it.

527
00:34:22.199 --> 00:34:25.880
You know that you can really memorialize
it as well. And I think

528
00:34:25.880 --> 00:34:30.079
that's a valuable thing because I mean, many of you have had great things

529
00:34:30.119 --> 00:34:34.000
happen in these cars and you just
want to memorialize that. So stay tuned

530
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:37.880
and return me talking more about the
depression and acceptance stage and how to move

531
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:40.440
forward with that and things that you
can do in ways that you can overcome

532
00:34:40.440 --> 00:34:45.519
feeling bad about moving on, because
I think that that's also I think too,

533
00:34:45.639 --> 00:34:47.840
is that we can begin to feel
bad about it about doing it.

534
00:34:47.880 --> 00:34:52.719
So stay tuned, live your true
life perspectives, with me, your host

535
00:34:52.760 --> 00:34:55.559
Ashley Burgess, will be back in
well, I'll be back this time in

536
00:34:55.599 --> 00:35:13.440
two shakes. Get in here.
You're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

537
00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:19.719
Welcome back live to Look at Your
Life Perspectives and I'm your host Ashley Burgess.

538
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:22.519
On today's show, I've been talking
about the emotional attachment to our vehicles

539
00:35:22.519 --> 00:35:27.320
and how we can get emotionally attached
to our cars. We connect with them,

540
00:35:27.400 --> 00:35:30.639
we have all these really amazing memories
with them, and then it's almost

541
00:35:30.719 --> 00:35:34.360
impossible to let them go. We
get to the point where it's like they

542
00:35:34.400 --> 00:35:37.599
take on their own personality, their
own relationship in our life, and it's

543
00:35:37.639 --> 00:35:42.360
just hard because it's like you're losing
a friend. And anybody that's in the

544
00:35:42.400 --> 00:35:46.320
same boat as I am understands it
is overwhelming and stressful to even think about

545
00:35:46.320 --> 00:35:50.280
selling your car in the beginning.
I mean, you have to go through

546
00:35:50.360 --> 00:35:52.840
the stages of grief, you really
do, because it's like letting go over

547
00:35:52.960 --> 00:35:57.800
friend. It's like selling a friend, and it can be really really stressful

548
00:35:57.840 --> 00:36:00.840
and sad, and so you know, I had to do it. I'm

549
00:36:00.840 --> 00:36:04.000
actually having to do it myself.
And I was just talking about the stages

550
00:36:04.039 --> 00:36:07.039
of grief earlier before the break,
and you know, I'm between the depression

551
00:36:07.159 --> 00:36:10.199
and acceptance stage now, and I
know that many of you might not be

552
00:36:10.280 --> 00:36:15.840
there yet. I get that you
might be totally in a different stage.

553
00:36:15.960 --> 00:36:17.679
You might be, you know,
in the beginning, you might be in

554
00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:22.239
the denial stage. And so any
of you out there, I understand completely

555
00:36:22.320 --> 00:36:27.000
because I've been through each stage.
I'm currently about to overcome the depression stage,

556
00:36:27.000 --> 00:36:30.719
and so I want to let you
know that. And and the process

557
00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:35.599
of overcoming the depression stage, what
I've realized is that I actually do need

558
00:36:35.679 --> 00:36:37.880
to move on. I do need
to move on, and I'm there.

559
00:36:37.960 --> 00:36:42.840
I'm currently almost there. And I've
realized that someone's going to take good care

560
00:36:42.840 --> 00:36:45.079
of my car because it's going to
be a brand new car for them,

561
00:36:45.239 --> 00:36:49.400
and probably it's going to be their
only car. So that car is going

562
00:36:49.480 --> 00:36:52.800
to be driven more often than not. And that's a really good thing.

563
00:36:52.840 --> 00:36:54.320
And so it's kind of like letting
that person, you know, like letting

564
00:36:54.360 --> 00:36:58.840
the car go and do its thing, you know, be in the wild

565
00:36:58.920 --> 00:37:01.440
and be driven and taken care of, and really believing that you're going to

566
00:37:01.480 --> 00:37:06.800
find the right person. And I'm
gonna eventually post here very soon and sell

567
00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:09.159
my car. But at this day
time, I'm like, oh my gosh,

568
00:37:09.199 --> 00:37:12.199
you know, I'm still there,
but it's like I have to think

569
00:37:12.199 --> 00:37:15.199
about the things. And the car
itself is safe. So when you think

570
00:37:15.199 --> 00:37:16.599
about a new car or a different
car, you go, Okay, well

571
00:37:16.599 --> 00:37:20.519
maybe either car is safe. My
current car that I'm going to sell is

572
00:37:20.559 --> 00:37:23.119
a safe vehicle. It is a
safe vehicle. Now does it get a

573
00:37:23.119 --> 00:37:27.239
lot of you know, good gas
mileage? No it doesn't. I mean

574
00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:29.480
it can, but it's not.
But it's very expensive, you know,

575
00:37:29.519 --> 00:37:31.960
And so that and the in and
of itself, that's one reason. And

576
00:37:32.199 --> 00:37:35.679
then also you know, the age
of it is older, and so there's

577
00:37:35.719 --> 00:37:38.519
going to be less worry. I
presume that we can say too, and

578
00:37:38.599 --> 00:37:42.199
thinking about the other things too,
is that you know, I feel that

579
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:45.159
once we jump the hump, and
eventually when we let go of the car

580
00:37:45.400 --> 00:37:49.599
and we know that the car is
in a decent place at that time,

581
00:37:49.800 --> 00:37:52.920
can we really have full acceptance?
I really think, and I think I

582
00:37:52.920 --> 00:37:55.239
think before that there's not real full
acceptance. I'm knowing that it's going to

583
00:37:55.280 --> 00:38:00.360
be hurtful and painful even when we
do transfer the car tie. It'll do

584
00:38:00.400 --> 00:38:02.000
what we have to do. It's
still gonna be challenging, but then there'll

585
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:06.079
be a few weeks, maybe even
a month that'll take us to get over

586
00:38:06.079 --> 00:38:08.440
it. Eventually we'll get over it
and move forward in our lives and this

587
00:38:08.480 --> 00:38:12.280
will be really, really helpful.
And so everybody out there, I mean,

588
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:15.880
there is you know, there is
just silver lining because you know,

589
00:38:15.960 --> 00:38:17.920
you can get another car. You
will have another car. That other person

590
00:38:17.960 --> 00:38:22.000
that takes on the car will have
that car, and they'll love that car

591
00:38:22.039 --> 00:38:24.480
in the process, you know,
and I think having those some memories around

592
00:38:24.480 --> 00:38:30.400
that car one of the biggest things. I've taken multiple photo shoots of that

593
00:38:30.440 --> 00:38:34.400
car. Maybe I should have a
photo shoot with that car. I'm probably

594
00:38:34.440 --> 00:38:36.880
before I sell it, I'm gonna
probably go out there and listen to some

595
00:38:36.960 --> 00:38:40.039
music in the car, might even
actually watch a movie, do that sort

596
00:38:40.079 --> 00:38:44.679
of thing, kind of do something
to memorialize that vehicle. I'll probably,

597
00:38:44.719 --> 00:38:45.639
you know, and it's it's hard, you know, I mean, it's

598
00:38:45.639 --> 00:38:49.559
hard. It's a hard thing.
I'll probably do maybe a couple of videos

599
00:38:49.599 --> 00:38:51.800
with it as well, because it's
just, you know, it's one of

600
00:38:51.800 --> 00:38:55.039
those things I just remember going for
years and years and years to the studio

601
00:38:55.079 --> 00:38:59.400
in that car every night, drive
into the studio for the radio show.

602
00:38:59.440 --> 00:39:01.920
I remember going everywhere. I remember
driving all over God's green creation in that

603
00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:05.679
car. I remember taking Buddy in
the car. I remember having friends and

604
00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:07.360
family in the car. I remember
picking up people at the airport, going

605
00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:10.400
on trips. I remember all kinds
of things that happened in that car,

606
00:39:10.440 --> 00:39:14.280
and those were really good times.
And so you know, being able to

607
00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:17.280
connect with that and understand that and
seeing that and cherishing that and feeling that

608
00:39:17.360 --> 00:39:21.679
vibe and feeling those good things,
and then you know eventually saying, Okay,

609
00:39:21.800 --> 00:39:22.920
I get it, but I'm gonna
have to let this go. So

610
00:39:23.039 --> 00:39:25.920
for anybody out there that's in that
situation, my heart goes out to you.

611
00:39:27.000 --> 00:39:30.880
I feel your pain. I am
working to the acceptance piece right now,

612
00:39:30.159 --> 00:39:32.880
and I look forward to being able
to say that I've eventually done it.

613
00:39:32.960 --> 00:39:37.519
So I can also just tell the
tell in the meantime for anybody that's

614
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dealing with it. It's okay to
be emotionally attached to your car. That's

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00:39:39.360 --> 00:39:43.760
very normal. And it's okay to
feel like you're having to explain yourself to

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00:39:43.840 --> 00:39:45.960
family members and friends, because that
can be challenging too, because we feel

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00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:51.360
why don't they understand us, Why
don't they understand our dedication to our vehicle?

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00:39:51.400 --> 00:39:52.920
And why do we have to explain
ourselves? And for any of you

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that I feel like you have to
explain yourself, stop explaining yourself. Find

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00:39:57.559 --> 00:40:00.599
other people that love their cars just
as much as you. The ones that

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have named their cars have given personality
traits to their car, but eventually we

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00:40:04.559 --> 00:40:07.760
have to do let them go when
it is time. So I hope that

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00:40:07.760 --> 00:40:12.039
this show has helped for other back
shows, past shows of Literature Life Perspectives.

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00:40:12.119 --> 00:40:15.119
Checkout Ashley Burgess dot com. You
can also go to Spreaker, Stitcher,

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00:40:15.320 --> 00:40:22.800
Spotify, Apple iTunes, Apple Podcasts, anything that a podcast is housed

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00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:27.159
Literature Life Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.
Also check out my website at Ashley Burgess

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00:40:27.199 --> 00:40:30.000
dot com b e ERGEs, and
don't forget to check out YouTube. We

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00:40:30.079 --> 00:40:34.000
got new video content up like at
least three or four times a week,

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00:40:34.280 --> 00:40:37.679
so don't don't forget to check that
out. In the meantime, it's okay

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00:40:37.719 --> 00:40:40.039
to be emotionally connected with your car. It's just sometimes we gotta let it

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go literature life perspectives with me,
Ashley Burgess will be back in I'll be

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00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:49.360
back this time in three shakes,