Dec. 18, 2024

Eliminate Self-Limiting Beliefs with Inner Child Work [Ep: 782]

Eliminate Self-Limiting Beliefs with Inner Child Work [Ep: 782]

Self-Limiting beliefs hold us back, creating life obstacles that impair our ability to cultivate healthy relationships, pose a barrier to understanding and embracing our true identity, and stands in the way of our personal success. Our self-limiting...

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Self-Limiting beliefs hold us back, creating life obstacles that impair our ability to cultivate healthy relationships, pose a barrier to understanding and embracing our true identity, and stands in the way of our personal success. Our self-limiting beliefs lead to patterns of self-sabotage that keep us from enjoying our life. It’s important to understand where these beliefs come from and learn techniques on how to reprogram them. Lea Fisher joins me on Live Your True Life Perspectives to discuss self-limiting beliefs, how to successfully work with the inner child, and how to effectively reprogram the beliefs that are holding us down. Lea is a therapist and professional artist who works with me at the Live Your True Life Institute. If you feel it is the right time to address, explore, and eliminate your self-limiting beliefs, you can set up a session with Lea online at https://www.ashleyberges.com/coaching/ Once we work to eliminate our self-limiting beliefs, life becomes more fulfilling and less difficult.

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You're in a good place now. You are listening to

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perspectives with Ashley.

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Burge's Welcome back, Live to Live Your True Life perspectives

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and I'm your host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show, we're

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going to be exploring self limiting beliefs and it's very

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important to explore this because these hold us back, they

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create problems in our life, they activate the self sabotage

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that we can contribute in our own life, and exploring

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this is very important, but also understanding it, why it's happening,

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and how do we reprogram these thoughts and this is

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a way that we can get back on the proper

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path as well as maybe being on a new path

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that's actually good for us for our self growth and

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our just our personal success. And in joining me on

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the show, somebody that I admire, somebody that is working

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in reprogramming self limits beliefs, working with clients on dealing

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with childhood trauma and being able to reverse a lot

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of these negative aspects of these beliefs is Leah Fisher.

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Leah is not only a great friend of mine, she's

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also a professional artist and she's also gotten back into therapy,

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which is so amazing because she got back into it.

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She's still doing the artwork, honestly, but she's back at

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her major passion in life, and so I'm so glad

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to have her live on the show. Leah, how are

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you doing today?

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I'm great, Ashley, I'm so happy to be here. Thank

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you so much for having me on.

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How are you I'm doing great. I'm doing great. And

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I'm so glad that you've decided to get back into therapy.

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You know, share a little bit about that, because you know,

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you do have this amazing, you know, art background as well. Yeah.

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Yeah, So probably about fifteen years ago, I had graduated

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from grad school and to be a therapist, and at

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the same time I my art career started happening kind

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of out of left field. That diverted my attention for

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a few years, but I never really lost the passion

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for human behavior and what affects us and how we

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have the ability to make ourselves heal and live more

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creative and passionate lives. And so just in the last

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few months, I've decided to start my practice back up,

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and it's been amazing. It's been absolutely amazing. I'm thrilled

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to be doing it and still painting too, of course.

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It's amazing. And also Leah is working with me as well,

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so really happy about that.

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Yes, yes, I'm so excited about our partnership.

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Absolutely, it's amazing. So this is great. And we were

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talking the other day on the phone and you know,

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kind of discussing, you know, self limiting beliefs and what

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have you, and it's like, hey, let's let's let's do

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a show, let's do radio show, this to a podcast

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on it, because this is something that's really important that

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I think is not really thought about. I don't think

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a lot of people think about the impact that these

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beliefs have on us and the impact it has on

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our future. But just even that our day to day.

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Life, absolutely at everything that we observe in the world,

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and the opinions and the judgments that we have about

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it are simply our beliefs, what we believe to be true.

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And for example, some things that some people would think

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are completely horrible, some other people would think is amazing.

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Like let's take divorce for instance. Some people are thrilled

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at the beginning divorced and some people are shattered, and it's

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the same event. But it's just some beliefs that you

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have around the circumstance that really cause suffering or happiness.

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That's so true. It's the way we see things as

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the way we see the world. If we see the

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world as a very happy, peaceful place, we will see

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things that way. If we see the world as a

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very scary place and a very fearful place, we'll see

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the world that way as well. You know, when we

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look at self limiting beliefs, they're definitely caused by a

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lot of aspects. And my first thought is, you know,

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past experiences or common it's made by others. I mean,

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what are some other uh you know, ways or factors

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of self limiting beliefs where they originate from.

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Yeah, that's a that's a really smart question. Well, so

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where we first originally.

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Get our beliefs.

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It's actually between the ages of zero and seven and

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we The way this works is that when we're young

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children and we are around our caregivers and around our environment,

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the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that is

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responsible for our higher thinking abilities and logic, is not

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really formed at all. So as children, as we are

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learning where these little humans coming into the world, we're

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absorbing everything around us. We're absorbing our parents, what they say,

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what they're feeling, what the environment is, what the overall

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tone of the environment is. And unfortunately, because the prefrontal cortex,

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the thinking brain isn't online. Now, if we experience anything

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that's perceived as negative and negative emotions such as fear

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or shame, or uncertainty or anger. Because we're children, we

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take everything so personally. We don't have the ability to say, Okay,

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maybe my parents have a stressful job or they don't

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have all the time in the world to attend to

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every emotional need I have, And we will form self limiting.

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Beliefs because of a negative.

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Emotion that we experience. For example, say just take that example,

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your dad having to work a lot because he's a

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high powered attorney, and he works eighty hours a week.

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Where your dad's not there, you're missing him and you're

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feeling sadness. A little child can easily interpret that as

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I don't matter. If he loved me, I would he

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would be here. Therefore, my needs don't matter and I'm unlovable,

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and that thought can go with you into adulthoods right,

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does that make sense?

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Very powerful for sure, because we're not able to really

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process that at that time, because we're not able to say, oh,

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you know, oh dad was you know, had this job.

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And it's interesting when you work with clients, you know,

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who were in their thirties or forties and it's like, well,

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how do you feel about this, Oh, my dad was

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a good person, he tried, you know, he was doing

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this or doing that. But we can't process at that

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level at that age.

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Corect not at all. And I do have to work

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with my clients a little bit on that because many

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times they had really amazing parents that did everything in

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the world for them and gave them every benefit that

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may not have understood exactly how a child can can

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kind of jump to some conclusions don't really serve them

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that well, like for instant. Another example is you know

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parents who are very supportive and will put their kids

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in and all kinds of lessons and say you're so

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proud of you and you're so good at this, and

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you know you're amazing. One message that a child can do,

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it's very common, is that getting love is conditional based

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on their performance instead of just you know who they

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are like as a human. So you'll see a lot

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of successful people doing amazing things that are rock stars

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in their own right, and but deep down they just

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don't feel good enough because it's always about that next

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like dopamine hit of I've got to accomplish this, I've

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got to win this, I've got to perform to feel loved.

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That's true, and I find it hard because sometimes there's

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that big disconnect and Lee, I think you know what

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I'm saying. When you know you're in a session with

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a client who you know you're asking about that parent,

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and you know they've already kind of rectified with that,

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but they haven't rectified it with their inner child. They

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might have rectified it in their adult brain, but it's like, well,

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that's not what we're really talking about, because this stuff

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started at a very young and you might have gotten

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over it or realized now as an adult what was

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really going on and then you know kind of give

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in the benefit of the doubt and what have you,

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But that wasn't there back when this self limiting belief

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was like, you know, concreted into your brain or belief system.

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Yeah. Yeah, and that's right, And you know, as adults

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we can we can understand what was going on, but

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the reasons why clients are coming to therapy is generally

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because there something isn't working, something is triggering them. They're

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having emotions that they don't quite understand, some anxiety, depression,

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relationship issues. And what they don't get is that because

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they have that belief, which supplement can also be a

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subconscious belief right that I'm unlovable, I'm unworthy, I'm not

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good enough. Even though you understood what happens, the program

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running in the back of the mind that's automatic in

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the background is I'm un level. Well, I'm unworthy, and

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so you're feeling sad, you're feeling anxious, things aren't working out,

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and that's because the subconscious is running the show, not

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currently what you rationally know is true, right.

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Very true, and it really contributes to issues throughout someone's life.

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And exactly because it goes from one, It originates from

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one and then goes to the other. And it's interesting,

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I'm sure you see that when somebody comes in and

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you know they're they're having an issue, you know, with

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their current relationship, where it's been multiple relationships kind of

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a pattern, how do you begin to kind of point

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that out and go back to you know, being able

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to explore you know, the possible you know, belief system

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that originated or the childhood trauma that contributed to this

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specific situation.

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Yeah, so I.

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Have a pretty specific formula that I follow, and let's

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just take that you of coming in because of relationship issues,

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you know, and we might say someone might come in

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and they want to explore their attachment style per se.

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You know, say someone has an anxious attachment style and

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feels very needy and never really feels like they get

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their needs met in a relationship and it's never enough

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and they always want closeness. Yet people seem to pull

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away and maybe they've gone through a breakup. You know,

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there are a lot of pain coming to therapy trying.

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To figure out how to cope with it.

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Well, we'll start with the triggering event. Let them explain

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what's going on current day, and the next step is

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going to really really explore the feelings that are happening.

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Because what is happening and where that original fracture is

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is that when they were children and having the feelings,

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there was no one there to help them identify and

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metabolize and understand the feelings. So current day people are

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working from this traumatized state having an emotional response that

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they're you know, six, seven, eight year old would have.

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It feels very big, it feels very overwhelming, very scary,

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and they don't know about the emotions and how they work.

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So we'll talk about what the actual emotions are and

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where they feel them in the body and really get

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them used to saying, Okay, I'm having an emotion of shame,

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of abandonment, of sadness and grief, and really talk to

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them about what that is. We will then go into what.

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Are the thoughts that are associated with.

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The feelings when they're deep down in them. So, say

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someone's recovering from a breakup and they're feeling so hopeful,

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so sad, really anxious. They might drive I'm unlovable, I'm

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going to be alone forever, nobody wants me, nobody loves me.

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And then I'll talk to them about the actions that

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they take when they're in these emotions. So, as children,

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we get in the habit of not feeling our emotions

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because the adults really don't understand it around us, and

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we pick up things like self soothing behaviors, drugs, alcohol, shopping, sex,

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getting busy, being perfect, producing all kinds of things that

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we do to not feel our feelings once we have

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the feeling, what the action is that we do that

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keeps us from feeling the feeling, and what the self

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woman beliefs are. We go back, we regress in to

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the timeline of the inner child, and I go back

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with the client and we talk to the child about

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what these emotions are, what they felt at the time,

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what the situation was, Teach them that an emotion is normal,

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what it is, that it doesn't last forever, that it's safe,

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that it only lasts for about three to seven minutes.

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Hopefully we can talk to them and actually get them

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to feel the emotion and let it metabolize out of

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the body, and then reassure them that this is an

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ongoing relationship and that anytime that they have an emotion,

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we're going to sit with them and talk to them

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and love them and give them unconditional love and attention

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so that they are safe to have that emotion. And

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what that does is that when the inner child is

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able to release that the person current day therapy is

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as well, and the emotion is unlodged out of their

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body and they're more free to feel the emotions of

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love and peace and joy instead of grief and sadness

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and fear.

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That's very powerful and we'll be returning back in just

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a few minutes, and so stay tuned, don't change the channel,

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and Lee is going to continue to talk about this

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because this is some powerful work that can really help to,

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you know, get rid of those types of emotions, the

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types of feelings, and put us on the right track.

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So stay tuned livery True Life Perspectives with your host

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me Astley Burgers will be back in. I'll be back

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this time. You know it. I'll be back this time.

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And two shakes, turn it up and jump in the

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deep end on Perspectives. Now here's Ashley.

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Welcome back live to liver at True Life Perspectives and

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I'm your host, Ashley Burgess on today's show. Leah Fisher's

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been joining me so we could discuss self limiting beliefs.

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And this is so important because you know, we don't

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really sometimes realize what those beliefs are, those old, outdated

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belief systems, and how they are affecting us. You know, Leah,

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you know we were talking about your processing and I

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want to go deeper in a deep dive in our

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next seven on that, but I wanted to talk about specifically,

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what are the three top self limiting beliefs that you

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seem to see probably more often than not.

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Yeah, so by far.

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I think the biggest one that I see most everybody

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they kind of come across this way is I'm not

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good enough. And you know, it's so invasive because I

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think with when we're trying to please our parents, when

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we're trying to be in with a partner, be good

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enough to be with a partner, trying to live up

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to our own expectations, we often really just it's never

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ever good enough, right, It's always on to the next accomplishment,

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the next person, the next beauty assessment, or you know,

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like just just trying to to kind of be the

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star of the show. But we never really just accept

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and love ourselves like completely just for being us. And

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I think that that's a really really deep programming.

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I agree that well on that real quick before we

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jump into that, I agree it's the I'm not good

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enough is interesting and how that impacts us, whether it's

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in a relationship, a love relationship, whether that's like you know,

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applying for you know, another job or putting, you know,

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or kind of putting ourselves out there and then you know,

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you're right. How we see ourselves, how we see ourselves.

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Are we successful enough? You know? Will people love us?

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You know?

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Will we be able to And it's it's and I

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find that a lot too, where that kind of kind

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of reconnects. I'm not good enough is also like a

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fear factor, but it also connects with the imposter syndrome too,

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because I think you have some really really intelligent, you know,

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major overachieving individual rules that question their their ability quite

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a bit based on that, you know, self womans who believe.

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Oh yeah, definitely, definitely. Another one that I see a

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lot is my needs don't matter and people what this

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looks like when people come in to therapy is that

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they they are people pleasers. They are overperforming for other

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people to gain some love or some approval. They will

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very very much.

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Be depleted, depressed.

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And and it comes a lot with not being seen

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as children and and maybe having some parents that that

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have other things going on that that truly the parents'

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needs came before the children, and that can be a

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lot of different things. I mean, an illness in the family, addiction, uh,

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mental illness or even just being really busy or having

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four or five kids. Right, maybe we don't get everything

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we need. But as children were taking it so personally,

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like my needs don't matter. I only matter when I'm

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trying to meet the needs of others. Kind of a

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cornerstone of some codependent practices, right.

305
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For sure, codependency and the whole, the whole basis of value.

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You know, I'm not valuable unless I'm doing X y

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Z for somebody else.

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Yeah. Yeah, So the root, the root fracture there is

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is my needs that matter. And the third one that

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I see a lot is just I'm unlovable and I

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you know of course that that comes from the parents too.

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I mean, maybe the parents are really suffering and a

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child is always wanting to connect and always wanting and

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needing this validation. It's it's very difficult to give a

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child everything that they need all the time. And so, uh,

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you know, if a parent is irritated or in the

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worst case scenario, so maybe abusive, you know, maybe physically

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or emotionally abusive or neglectful, a child can very easily

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go to I'm not getting what I want, they don't

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love me, and I'm unlovable, which shows up a ton

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in relationships. And you know when people are in a

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romantic relationship and we're looking at someone saying, do you

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love me?

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Please let me?

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What do I have to do to make you love me?

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Just love me? Let me love me? You know that's

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that's the I'm unlovable.

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That's very true, and we're going to talk more about

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that when we return, So stay tuned, don't change the channel.

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We'll be talking about self whom the team beliefs and

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how we can you know they've change those to be

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on a better pathway with that. You like Perspectives with

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your host me Ashley, or just move back in. I'll

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be back this time in two shapes.

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This is Jake Busey and you're listening to Perspectives with

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Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back live to Literature Life Perspectives, and I'm your host,

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Ashley Burgess. In today's show, we've been talking about self

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limiting beliefs, how to be able to figure those out?

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What those are the top three self limiting beliefs. But

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you know the biggest part of dealing with self limiting

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beliefs is really connecting to your inner child and Leah,

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let's talk about that. How do we connect with that,

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How do we begin to do the real deep inner

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child work that we need to do to be able

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to let these feelings and thoughts go from our life.

347
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Yeah, this is one of my favorite topics. It's just

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so it's so nourishing, it's so yummy. So the first

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step in working with your inner child is becoming aware

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of your own emotions. So we're just bumbling along in

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our lives, just trying to get things done. Were busy,

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we're productive, and oftentimes whenever there's this pesky emotion that

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comes up, we ignore it, we medicate it, we entertain it,

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but we don't really pay attention that it's a signal

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that we emotionally need something. And so the first step

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is to become aware of when you're slightly irritated, when

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you're sad. Anger usually is so intrusive that you can't

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ignore it, right, But the other emotions, guilt and shame,

359
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they're almost.

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Just like a little pusky pubble in your shoe.

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You know what I mean?

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For sure? That makes sense?

363
00:21:41.559 --> 00:21:47.759
Yeah, yeah, So once you have slowed down, gain some

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awareness and some consciousness about yourself, saying Okay, today I'm

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feeling I'm feeling just kind of weird and like my

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skin's on inside out.

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Okay, what is that?

368
00:21:57.799 --> 00:22:01.160
Maybe it's maybe it's shame, you know, maybe I'm feeling

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ashamed of something. Then spending some time with yourself and

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becoming aware of how you're feeling and laying down, calming yourself,

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putting one hand on your heart, one hand on your belly,

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because we have neurons in our heart and our belly,

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not just in our brain, and we're rewiring these subconscious beliefs. Right,

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we want to lay down, get very comfortable, get as

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very relaxed as we can. People can call it a

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meditative state. What it technically is is is an alpha

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data brain weigh states. You you get this way when

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00:22:46.400 --> 00:22:51.319
you're in hypnosis or when you like watching TV will

379
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get you in this state a brain and the reason

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why you want to be in this in this uh,

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in this relaxed state is because your neurons connect and

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00:23:02.559 --> 00:23:06.720
reconnect very easily when your brain is in the state. Right,

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That's why hypnosis can change behaviors.

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And bleeps very very fast.

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So you can get yourself in this state with your

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hand on your heart, hand on your belly and you breathe,

387
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You breathe in, you breathe out. You really sit with

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yourself and then you ask your body, Okay, I'm having

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00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:35.440
this emotion. I'm feeling some shame and some fear and

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00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:39.720
some grief. When you go back and you say, when

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was the first time you ever felt this, You're listening

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to your body, You're engaged with your brain, You're floating

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off to that moment. And if you can get back

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to a time when you felt those emotions when you're

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between the ages of zero and seven, that is the

396
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sweet spot to start talking to your and our child.

397
00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:06.920
Very very interesting, very direct. How often how hard is

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it though to get you know, clients to be able

399
00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:14.680
to kind of let down their regard and actually allow

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00:24:14.799 --> 00:24:16.759
them to get back to that timeline.

401
00:24:18.319 --> 00:24:22.640
You know, I find that people are super receptive.

402
00:24:23.000 --> 00:24:24.319
They're really receptive.

403
00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:28.039
We have a couple of sessions really going over with

404
00:24:28.079 --> 00:24:31.799
a fine tooth come exactly what we're doing. And after

405
00:24:32.039 --> 00:24:35.519
I've explained to them that that we're really working on

406
00:24:36.200 --> 00:24:41.359
changing their neurobiology by by pairing a different emotion with

407
00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:44.720
a different thought, by doing this process, I mean, they're

408
00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:47.400
all for it, you know, because they don't. They don't

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00:24:47.440 --> 00:24:53.079
want to be, you know, triggered going through life really

410
00:24:53.319 --> 00:24:56.599
experiencing all these painful emotions and not being able to

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function because of it. So I find that they that

412
00:25:00.200 --> 00:25:01.960
they are very receptive to it.

413
00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:06.119
You know, what about I can't remember? Like what about

414
00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:08.640
the client that you know how has the tendency of saying,

415
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I don't remember much of my childhood. How do you

416
00:25:11.400 --> 00:25:14.720
get them past that, you know belief as well to

417
00:25:14.839 --> 00:25:17.240
get into that deeper dive.

418
00:25:18.519 --> 00:25:21.519
That happens a lot. That happens a lot. Well, we'll

419
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go back to the earliest memory that they can think of,

420
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and a lot of times they won't go back to

421
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their vulnerable inner child. They will go to their angry

422
00:25:30.599 --> 00:25:34.160
teenager because they can get in touch with anger. They

423
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remember that time that they were fifteen and you know,

424
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and like someone didn't show up for them, or or

425
00:25:41.319 --> 00:25:43.720
are really one of their parents really screwed up? Or

426
00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:48.000
you know that they have a pretty good recognition of

427
00:25:48.039 --> 00:25:52.440
that and any part of us in any one of

428
00:25:52.480 --> 00:25:57.000
our timelines. When you go back and give them the

429
00:25:57.119 --> 00:26:02.559
compassion and the actual led that they needed, it always

430
00:26:02.920 --> 00:26:07.160
releases some kind of emotion from the body. I mean,

431
00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:09.119
we could even do it. You know, some people can

432
00:26:09.160 --> 00:26:12.200
only go back to maybe like a past marriage or

433
00:26:12.200 --> 00:26:15.200
something that happened last week, but nobody was there to

434
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be compassionate with them.

435
00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:19.000
True, let me ask you to if you go back

436
00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:22.200
to the angry teenager. And I know that many people

437
00:26:22.200 --> 00:26:25.119
listening to the short now probably have already connected with

438
00:26:25.599 --> 00:26:29.319
some thought or some feeling from their angry teenage days

439
00:26:29.319 --> 00:26:33.559
at this point, can you do the inner child work

440
00:26:33.599 --> 00:26:35.559
if you can? If you can, if you can't get

441
00:26:35.559 --> 00:26:37.720
past the angry teenage days, can you still do it

442
00:26:37.720 --> 00:26:38.640
from that point?

443
00:26:39.720 --> 00:26:40.119
Yeah?

444
00:26:40.200 --> 00:26:45.000
Yeah, So this is like a little sample, okay, like say, no,

445
00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:48.000
you know, Ashley, can you remember a time when you

446
00:26:48.039 --> 00:26:50.240
were very angry when you were a teenager but you

447
00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:51.880
were disappointed and might pissed off?

448
00:26:53.400 --> 00:26:53.799
Yeah?

449
00:26:53.960 --> 00:26:58.359
Yeah, yeah, and you know going to her like you

450
00:26:58.440 --> 00:27:00.880
and I are walking into her a room with her

451
00:27:01.079 --> 00:27:05.359
and saying, hey, you know we're here with you right now.

452
00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:10.039
Can you feel the emotion that's in her body? Can

453
00:27:10.079 --> 00:27:16.240
you feel it in your body? Yeah? And we just

454
00:27:16.240 --> 00:27:18.599
tell her, we say, you know what, you are a

455
00:27:18.920 --> 00:27:25.759
hundred percent right, You of course are angry about what's happened.

456
00:27:26.039 --> 00:27:29.119
It happened for a long time, even before this, and

457
00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:35.559
your feelings are valid. I am here for you. Anything

458
00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:38.359
that you want to say to me, I'm here to

459
00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:40.799
listen to and it is one hundred percent right.

460
00:27:41.720 --> 00:27:43.359
I love you, I have.

461
00:27:43.400 --> 00:27:49.680
Compassion for you, and I have your back now. And

462
00:27:49.720 --> 00:27:54.400
then maybe the client will start talking about okay, so

463
00:27:54.480 --> 00:27:56.680
what does she want to say to you? And maybe

464
00:27:56.799 --> 00:28:01.279
the angry teenager goes from being very arrogant and self

465
00:28:01.319 --> 00:28:05.720
righteous and angry. Maybe there's some grief underneath there. Maybe

466
00:28:05.720 --> 00:28:07.799
she just never had a mom or her dad and

467
00:28:07.839 --> 00:28:11.359
they never really listen to her, and no one understands her,

468
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:17.039
and it's so lonely, it's so painful, and you start

469
00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:20.279
talking to her like, well, of course you act it out.

470
00:28:20.359 --> 00:28:22.880
Of course you were smoking cigarettes. Of course you were

471
00:28:23.359 --> 00:28:25.799
doing this and doing that. I might have done that too,

472
00:28:26.359 --> 00:28:29.599
I get that, you know, And you just have a

473
00:28:29.640 --> 00:28:34.480
conversation with her and make it okay to just be her,

474
00:28:35.720 --> 00:28:41.240
and the feelings of relief and relief start coming through

475
00:28:41.240 --> 00:28:44.559
the body, like maybe you'll cry, maybe you won't. Maybe

476
00:28:44.960 --> 00:28:48.079
you'll do some deep breathing with your inner child or

477
00:28:48.079 --> 00:28:51.440
your angry teenager, and just like let the nervous system

478
00:28:51.559 --> 00:28:54.880
regulate and let it metabolize and come out of the body,

479
00:28:55.799 --> 00:28:59.839
and then all of a sudden, you have a different conversation,

480
00:29:00.200 --> 00:29:04.759
a different timeline, a different emotional reaction, with a different thought.

481
00:29:05.480 --> 00:29:08.640
And like say, the original self womaning belief where my

482
00:29:08.759 --> 00:29:12.319
needs don't matter and I'm pissed at that, Well, we've

483
00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:14.480
just been there for her, and all of a sudden,

484
00:29:14.519 --> 00:29:18.720
her needs do matter, and we promise her that when

485
00:29:18.759 --> 00:29:21.079
she's angry and wants to talk to us, we'll be

486
00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:26.880
there because her needs matter. Now we have a different

487
00:29:26.920 --> 00:29:31.640
emotion paired with a different thought. The neurobiology of this

488
00:29:31.799 --> 00:29:34.079
is there are new neurons in our brains that are

489
00:29:34.079 --> 00:29:37.079
connected like this. We're feeling it in our heart and

490
00:29:37.079 --> 00:29:40.359
our stomach and our body. It's a whole different reality

491
00:29:40.359 --> 00:29:43.119
that we're leaving in now. And the more you practice this,

492
00:29:44.880 --> 00:29:48.519
what it does is it changes your beliefs. So now

493
00:29:48.519 --> 00:29:52.039
we have a different mind, different belief system. So now

494
00:29:52.119 --> 00:29:56.519
subconsciously we're walking around the world with some different self

495
00:29:56.680 --> 00:29:59.799
self conscious beliefs. Right now we know that our needs.

496
00:29:59.799 --> 00:30:03.440
Now now we know we're lovable, that we're worthy.

497
00:30:04.319 --> 00:30:08.160
Well also too, right, I'm sorry, go ahead, no, no, no,

498
00:30:08.200 --> 00:30:10.960
go for it. Well, also thinking too, uh, you know,

499
00:30:12.000 --> 00:30:14.039
when we you know, when we get to the adulthood

500
00:30:14.039 --> 00:30:16.960
and we get into further into our adulthood, we you know,

501
00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:20.240
we we find compassion you know, for our parents or

502
00:30:20.279 --> 00:30:23.119
what have you, guardians. And then one of the things

503
00:30:23.119 --> 00:30:25.359
that I see that that helps with when going back

504
00:30:25.400 --> 00:30:29.400
to the angry teenager, is that person not feeling bad

505
00:30:29.880 --> 00:30:33.440
for their actions because their actions were actually you know,

506
00:30:33.599 --> 00:30:36.880
they were they were right on in the situation. And

507
00:30:36.920 --> 00:30:38.480
I think that's a lot of times. What happens too

508
00:30:38.519 --> 00:30:41.359
is that people will reprogram it. Not only is it

509
00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:43.200
self limiting and it gets in the way, but then

510
00:30:43.240 --> 00:30:46.359
it becomes this like I feel bad about what I did.

511
00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:48.400
I feel ashamed about what I did, or I shouldn't

512
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:50.400
have done that, And so then there's this whole other layer,

513
00:30:51.119 --> 00:30:56.720
you know, of just personal anger towards oneself, you know,

514
00:30:56.839 --> 00:30:59.680
even and we're not even digging down into why you

515
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:01.400
did it anymore. Now you're just like, man, I feel

516
00:31:01.440 --> 00:31:03.480
really bad I wrecked the car. I still you know,

517
00:31:03.519 --> 00:31:05.359
I did that back when I was seventeen. I was

518
00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:08.599
so mad about you know whatever. Instead of saying, oh, well,

519
00:31:08.640 --> 00:31:11.319
this all rotates and reverses back to all this stuff

520
00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:14.880
that happened back at whatever age, And so you're right,

521
00:31:14.920 --> 00:31:17.240
you're able to kind of reprogram that and be able

522
00:31:17.240 --> 00:31:19.880
to kind of change that, which is good because it

523
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:22.480
not only helps give us a new timeline and a

524
00:31:22.519 --> 00:31:24.759
new feeling, but it also takes off some of that

525
00:31:25.200 --> 00:31:27.759
personal anger where we're like I can't believe I did that,

526
00:31:27.920 --> 00:31:30.000
or feeling bad about something even though there was a

527
00:31:30.039 --> 00:31:31.559
real reason for it, even though it might not have

528
00:31:31.559 --> 00:31:33.759
been the best thing to do at the time, but

529
00:31:33.799 --> 00:31:35.400
there was there was a reason for doing.

530
00:31:35.160 --> 00:31:41.400
It one hundred, one hundred percent, And those feelings of

531
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:45.960
guilt and shame are so insidious. And but.

532
00:31:47.400 --> 00:31:48.640
That's exactly what you said.

533
00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:54.440
You know, with our limited experience and the choices that

534
00:31:54.480 --> 00:31:57.440
we had the time, at the time, we were doing

535
00:31:57.480 --> 00:32:01.000
our best. We were doing our best, and maybe now

536
00:32:01.039 --> 00:32:03.160
in the future we can go back and say, well,

537
00:32:03.200 --> 00:32:06.839
your best was pretty bad. Okay, well fine, but can

538
00:32:06.880 --> 00:32:09.720
we at least understand and have compassion and maybe a

539
00:32:09.720 --> 00:32:13.279
little bit of self forgiveness, you know, instead of just

540
00:32:13.359 --> 00:32:17.160
being like these really harsh, harsh critics.

541
00:32:17.480 --> 00:32:20.480
You know, yeah, because then you had like the the

542
00:32:20.480 --> 00:32:22.279
then you have the childhood trauma. Then you have the

543
00:32:22.279 --> 00:32:24.519
problems and experiences from then. Then you still have the

544
00:32:24.559 --> 00:32:26.759
self limiting beliefs. Then you beat yourself up for the

545
00:32:26.759 --> 00:32:29.759
actions you had, you know, and so it's just compounding,

546
00:32:29.799 --> 00:32:31.880
and it's it's almost like sedimentary rock. You know, you

547
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:35.279
have layer upon layer upon layer and I and I

548
00:32:35.319 --> 00:32:36.960
agree with you, it's getting down. And that's kind of

549
00:32:36.960 --> 00:32:38.920
neat because I think a lot of people get scared,

550
00:32:39.359 --> 00:32:43.799
you know, not scared, but I guess worry that the

551
00:32:43.799 --> 00:32:46.599
inner child work would not work because you can't get back.

552
00:32:46.720 --> 00:32:48.720
Some people can't can't get back. And I think over

553
00:32:48.759 --> 00:32:50.480
time you can if you actually work to it. But

554
00:32:50.519 --> 00:32:52.000
some people can't get back to the age of three.

555
00:32:52.039 --> 00:32:54.799
They can't get back to the situation happen. But this

556
00:32:54.920 --> 00:32:57.000
is neat that you can really go after that, that

557
00:32:57.000 --> 00:33:00.000
that angry teenager, because you're right, anger for most people

558
00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:03.680
people is the go to emotion and it's the one

559
00:33:03.720 --> 00:33:06.400
that you remember. And I think we also hide as

560
00:33:06.480 --> 00:33:10.359
children and as adults, we hide when we're really feeling

561
00:33:10.480 --> 00:33:13.359
sad or fear, and it seems like the easiest thing

562
00:33:13.400 --> 00:33:16.160
to come out is that anger is to yell, or

563
00:33:16.319 --> 00:33:18.680
to have that road rate, or to do whatever we're

564
00:33:18.720 --> 00:33:21.920
doing in that process, you know, to throw something or

565
00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:24.960
instead of saying, hey, I feel really fearful or I'm

566
00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:27.559
really saddened. And so I think that's that's great that

567
00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:29.880
we can go back to that angry moment too and

568
00:33:29.960 --> 00:33:31.680
still benefit from that work as well.

569
00:33:33.839 --> 00:33:36.839
Yeah, and it's not that it's not that difficult. Once

570
00:33:36.920 --> 00:33:39.799
you can access to anger, it's not that much deeper,

571
00:33:39.839 --> 00:33:42.240
Like you were talking about the stiment Terry Rock to

572
00:33:42.680 --> 00:33:46.920
hit that the fear in the grief, like it's right underneath.

573
00:33:46.519 --> 00:33:47.519
The surface there.

574
00:33:47.839 --> 00:33:51.079
In fact, when we become angry teenagers, it's because we're

575
00:33:51.119 --> 00:33:53.799
actually getting a little bit of power, right, Like we're

576
00:33:53.839 --> 00:33:57.400
fighting back, like we're finally taking up for ourselves. And

577
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:03.200
yeah and so and you know a lot of people

578
00:34:03.240 --> 00:34:06.440
don't remember their childhoods. But what the sweet spot that

579
00:34:06.799 --> 00:34:10.320
I'm seeing is people start coming online about second grade.

580
00:34:11.360 --> 00:34:16.079
That's seven eight, you know, uh, And that's kind of

581
00:34:16.440 --> 00:34:19.559
the end of the first stage of where you really

582
00:34:19.599 --> 00:34:23.400
start to get programmed. And the programming goes on and

583
00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:27.719
on up until fourteen pretty pretty intensely where you're just

584
00:34:27.840 --> 00:34:31.880
you're forming those neural connections. But around that seven and

585
00:34:32.039 --> 00:34:35.000
eight mark, it's almost like that sweet spot of we're

586
00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:40.000
unconscious that now we're aware of what's happening like it's

587
00:34:40.199 --> 00:34:43.000
it's I think it's probably where our prefrontal cortex really

588
00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:43.760
starts firing.

589
00:34:44.800 --> 00:34:47.199
Amazing, and that's awesome, Leah, when we were turning to

590
00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:49.480
me talking more, we're going to continue our deep dive

591
00:34:49.679 --> 00:34:54.199
into self limiting beliefs, reprogramming, you know, really working with

592
00:34:54.239 --> 00:34:57.119
your inner child. And this this impacts everybody. I know

593
00:34:57.119 --> 00:34:59.000
that some people you know don't want to, you know,

594
00:34:59.000 --> 00:35:00.920
say oh yeah, this this, this is something I need

595
00:35:00.960 --> 00:35:03.320
to do. But I think if everybody kind of looks honestly,

596
00:35:03.719 --> 00:35:06.519
you know, at the growing up process and their childhood

597
00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:09.519
and what they went through and what they experienced, you know,

598
00:35:09.599 --> 00:35:11.760
this is just part part for the course, and it's

599
00:35:11.800 --> 00:35:15.000
a human experience. It's not a it doesn't make you

600
00:35:15.320 --> 00:35:17.639
a lesser than or a less powerful person. It's just

601
00:35:17.800 --> 00:35:20.199
part of the growing up process. I believe. It's just

602
00:35:20.239 --> 00:35:22.400
stay tuned. We got a lot more coming up. Lee

603
00:35:22.480 --> 00:35:23.920
is going to continue to be on the show today,

604
00:35:23.920 --> 00:35:27.119
so looking forward to continuing this conversation and stay ting

605
00:35:27.280 --> 00:35:29.800
literature life perspectives with your host me as su Burgens

606
00:35:29.840 --> 00:35:31.760
will be back in I'll be back this time. Well,

607
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:39.480
I'll be back this time. You know it in two shakes.

608
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:53.519
Get in here. You're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

609
00:35:56.400 --> 00:35:59.000
Welcome back live to Literature Life Perspectives, and I'm your

610
00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:02.679
host Ashley Birch. Leah Fisher has been joining us today

611
00:36:02.760 --> 00:36:06.119
and discussing self limiting beliefs and how this is a

612
00:36:06.199 --> 00:36:09.440
practice and it is your brain changing. And you know,

613
00:36:09.480 --> 00:36:12.519
it's interesting because when we're when anything is of value

614
00:36:12.599 --> 00:36:15.440
and it takes work and time, it takes time. And

615
00:36:15.480 --> 00:36:18.320
it's just like anything if something was developed, you know,

616
00:36:18.400 --> 00:36:20.719
at the age of four, and it's still impacting us.

617
00:36:20.760 --> 00:36:22.639
It's going to take time and work. It's like turning

618
00:36:22.639 --> 00:36:25.559
that big ship around. But it can be done. You know, Leah,

619
00:36:25.559 --> 00:36:28.440
when you think about, you know, this type of reprogramming

620
00:36:28.519 --> 00:36:31.519
process that you're working on and creating, you know, what

621
00:36:31.679 --> 00:36:34.079
is the timeline on that, you know, and how much

622
00:36:34.280 --> 00:36:37.079
practice does that take to really, you know, make some

623
00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:38.559
significant change.

624
00:36:40.119 --> 00:36:44.039
Yeah, yeah, So you know, after you do this a

625
00:36:44.119 --> 00:36:47.320
couple of times, you will start to feel relief in

626
00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:53.159
your body. It's almost instantaneous. It doesn't completely change the

627
00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:56.559
thought for a while they The research is a little

628
00:36:56.639 --> 00:37:00.079
varied on this, but it takes about twenty.

629
00:36:59.760 --> 00:37:03.199
One days of consistent.

630
00:37:04.519 --> 00:37:09.320
Well practice that when you're in that relaxed meditative state,

631
00:37:09.880 --> 00:37:14.239
So learning to get there, learning how to get your

632
00:37:14.280 --> 00:37:16.880
body and your mind in that state, and doing the

633
00:37:16.960 --> 00:37:19.480
intertil work on a consistent basis, if you could do

634
00:37:19.519 --> 00:37:21.280
it right out of the gate, and it takes about

635
00:37:21.519 --> 00:37:22.320
almost a month.

636
00:37:23.639 --> 00:37:26.440
Okay, very powerful, But I mean that takes I mean,

637
00:37:26.679 --> 00:37:29.440
these are things that have impacted somebody there entir life,

638
00:37:29.920 --> 00:37:32.400
you know. I mean, so it takes time, and in

639
00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:36.679
a month is really nothing, you know, compared to forty years.

640
00:37:37.920 --> 00:37:40.920
No, absolutely, Now, Now the trick is is that our

641
00:37:40.920 --> 00:37:43.920
brain always wants to go back to the familiar. So

642
00:37:44.400 --> 00:37:49.320
actually forming the habit, doing the work, immersing yourself in it,

643
00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:52.320
not letting your attention get diverted. Now that's actually the

644
00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:55.800
difficult part right there. But you know, if you're practicing

645
00:37:55.840 --> 00:38:00.079
this over, you make this part of your morning meditative practice,

646
00:37:59.639 --> 00:38:02.719
and over a few months you'll get the same effect.

647
00:38:02.760 --> 00:38:05.320
It just may not be you know, this quick result

648
00:38:05.360 --> 00:38:07.119
that you're that you're looking at.

649
00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:09.840
True, Okay, so I mean, but you see, like the

650
00:38:10.079 --> 00:38:13.519
sweet spot of somebody you know regularly practicing those And

651
00:38:13.880 --> 00:38:15.800
how often do you work, like, let's say, like with

652
00:38:15.840 --> 00:38:19.400
a client you know, you know, maybe the beginning of work.

653
00:38:19.400 --> 00:38:21.280
How long do you normally see can you all work?

654
00:38:21.480 --> 00:38:23.320
Is it maybe once a week or twice a week

655
00:38:23.440 --> 00:38:25.119
or what do you see as the real sweet spot

656
00:38:25.159 --> 00:38:27.519
for that too? H As far as kind of like

657
00:38:28.039 --> 00:38:32.639
you know, you know, you helping them walk through this properly, yeah.

658
00:38:32.480 --> 00:38:36.840
Yeah, once a week is generally fine. Uh. And I

659
00:38:37.079 --> 00:38:40.960
try from the very beginning to start teaching them how

660
00:38:40.960 --> 00:38:44.639
to do this for themselves because I can model it

661
00:38:44.679 --> 00:38:47.400
for them during our session. But really I want them

662
00:38:47.440 --> 00:38:50.880
to be working with their inner self, their inner child

663
00:38:50.960 --> 00:38:54.239
and teenager and feat yourself every single day, you know.

664
00:38:54.840 --> 00:38:57.360
I like it to be like a conversation that's happening

665
00:38:57.599 --> 00:38:58.920
in the background all the time.

666
00:38:59.440 --> 00:39:02.079
So they're checking with themselves, right, They're checking in with

667
00:39:02.159 --> 00:39:04.159
themselves on how they feel in the moment, and anything

668
00:39:04.199 --> 00:39:06.079
doesn't have to be all the way back there. But

669
00:39:06.119 --> 00:39:07.559
it's like, oh, I'm feeling this way, where is this

670
00:39:07.639 --> 00:39:09.920
coming from? Or I'm triggered? Where is this trigger coming from?

671
00:39:09.920 --> 00:39:12.119
Why am I feeling this way? Why am I feeling exposed?

672
00:39:12.199 --> 00:39:14.119
Or why am I feeling angry or stressed?

673
00:39:15.119 --> 00:39:18.599
Yes, And instead of reacting to the life circumstance, their

674
00:39:18.639 --> 00:39:22.440
automatic impulse is to go inward and say, oh, there

675
00:39:22.519 --> 00:39:26.679
she is, that poor girl that was neglected. She's feeling lonely. Okay,

676
00:39:26.960 --> 00:39:30.280
I'm not gonna go off on my coworker because they

677
00:39:30.320 --> 00:39:33.440
made me feel unseen and unheard. I'm going to shut

678
00:39:33.480 --> 00:39:37.480
down that reaction, go in meet my own needs, and

679
00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:39.559
then I'm going to return to the table as an adult,

680
00:39:39.800 --> 00:39:43.800
not like a seven year old child. Right. So it

681
00:39:43.920 --> 00:39:47.039
just takes time, but the whole time it will working together.

682
00:39:47.199 --> 00:39:50.719
I'm training the person like how to integrate this into

683
00:39:50.760 --> 00:39:51.440
their lifestyle.

684
00:39:52.639 --> 00:39:54.880
That's awesome. I want, I want, I want to do

685
00:39:54.880 --> 00:39:57.960
a show here in the next you know, a few days, uh,

686
00:39:58.400 --> 00:40:02.079
you know, really talk and deep diving into the work

687
00:40:02.079 --> 00:40:05.760
that you're doing with using ketamin to assist the reprogramming.

688
00:40:05.800 --> 00:40:07.440
If that's something that you'd be willing to talk about,

689
00:40:07.480 --> 00:40:09.280
because I think that that's really powerful as well.

690
00:40:10.920 --> 00:40:11.239
Yeah.

691
00:40:11.320 --> 00:40:14.880
Yeah, I just started working with Ketymine assisted therapy and

692
00:40:15.800 --> 00:40:20.559
it's amazing as far as speeding up the results with

693
00:40:20.639 --> 00:40:25.199
this kind of work, it's absolutely game changing. What it

694
00:40:25.239 --> 00:40:28.159
does just in a nutshell is as you're reprogramming your

695
00:40:28.199 --> 00:40:31.039
mind and your neurons are connecting and reconnecting, and you're

696
00:40:31.119 --> 00:40:34.719
changing in the biology of your belief The ketemine makes

697
00:40:34.760 --> 00:40:39.480
your brain way more plastic. So as you're doing this

698
00:40:39.679 --> 00:40:43.320
emotional work and reframing your thoughts and changing beliefs, it

699
00:40:43.360 --> 00:40:48.559
happens like almost instantaneously when you add the kedemine on

700
00:40:48.599 --> 00:40:49.239
top of it.

701
00:40:49.000 --> 00:40:52.519
It's pretty incredible, awesome. I'm so looking forward to that

702
00:40:52.559 --> 00:40:54.400
and where you can deep dive into that. That's going

703
00:40:54.440 --> 00:40:56.639
to be so much fun. Lea. It's so great to

704
00:40:56.679 --> 00:40:58.199
have you on the show, and it's so great to

705
00:40:58.280 --> 00:41:01.079
be working with you and obviously or friends as well.

706
00:41:01.159 --> 00:41:02.880
So I'm so glad you're able to come on today.

707
00:41:04.320 --> 00:41:06.239
Me too. Thank you so much, Ashley.

708
00:41:06.280 --> 00:41:08.639
This is awesome, This is wonderful. So stay tuned. We're

709
00:41:08.639 --> 00:41:11.000
going to be you know, obviously you know, talking about

710
00:41:11.039 --> 00:41:13.719
the kidomen here in an upcoming show and having that

711
00:41:13.760 --> 00:41:15.960
as well. You know. If you have any questions or thoughts,

712
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go to the website Ashley Burgers dot com Ashley b

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00:41:18.679 --> 00:41:21.719
e Rges dot com. You can also click on coaching

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00:41:21.760 --> 00:41:24.440
sessions and go directly to Leah Fisher. You can set

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up an appointment right then online and so that's amazing.

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00:41:28.599 --> 00:41:30.360
You can either sign up for a thirty, a sixty

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00:41:30.440 --> 00:41:32.440
or a ninety minute session and then go from there

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00:41:32.440 --> 00:41:34.840
and decide which you want to do so, and if

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you have any questions for us, you know, you can

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always go to the contact page. Go to Ashley Burgers

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00:41:39.199 --> 00:41:41.679
dot com, click on that contact page and send an

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00:41:41.719 --> 00:41:43.400
email and I'll get back to you or one of

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00:41:43.480 --> 00:41:45.280
us will get back to you within forty eight hours.

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So I hope that this show is connected with you.

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00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:50.119
I hope that this has also connected with maybe to

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00:41:50.159 --> 00:41:52.320
be aware of any self limiting beliefs that you may

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have or may be your friend or family member. But

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I think we're all dealing with this and this is

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something that we practically have to go through and make

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our lives better. So looking forward to the next show,

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stay tuned, and also don't miss go to speakers, Stitcher,

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00:42:05.079 --> 00:42:08.800
Apple podcasts, and anywhere that you listen to podcasts. After

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00:42:08.840 --> 00:42:11.000
the radio show, leave your True Life perspectives and you

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00:42:11.039 --> 00:42:14.039
can listen to other podcasts as well. Looking forward to

735
00:42:14.199 --> 00:42:16.440
Connecting next week as well, and live your true life

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00:42:16.440 --> 00:42:18.679
perspectives of your host. Me Asley Purtas will be back

737
00:42:18.679 --> 00:42:26.920
in I'll be back at this time in three shakes,