Aug. 26, 2025

Discernment Is Not Judgement it's Awareness. [Ep. 801]

Discernment Is Not Judgement it's Awareness. [Ep. 801]
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Are you dealing with challenging people in your life? Trying to understand specific relationship dynamics? Wanting to choose wisely when it comes to friendships, romantic relationships, and business partnerships? In today’s podcast, Ashley deep dives into the concept of discernment, what it means, and why it’s not the same as judgment. When we cultivate discernment in our life we safeguard ourself from chaos in friendships, business partnerships, and in our personal life. Relax and listen while I explain how discernment helps you to navigate complex people and situations, especially when dealing with narcissists, emotionally unavailable partners, toxic friendships, and or business partners with hidden agendas. You’ll learn how to distinguish truth from manipulation, care from control, and authentic connection from falsehood.

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You're in a good place now you are listening to

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Perspectives with Ashley Burgess. Welcome back to the Ashley Burgess Podcast.

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Let's talk about discernment today. I think it's a very

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important word. It's something that we need to adapt into

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our lifestyle. And I want to give one caveat prior

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to jumping in. I agree that judgment of other people

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is not a good thing. It's not something you want

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to go around doing, putting other people down, being petty,

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judging them. It's just not good because it doesn't help

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you in any way. It doesn't make your life better

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in any way. If anything, it just gets in the

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way of your quality of life and it takes up

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time when you could actually be doing something in your

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life to push your life forward in a more positive way. However,

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discernment is very important when you're dealing with certain people.

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And those specific people I'm talking about are the people

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that that you connect as your best friends, the people

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that you trust with everything, the people you tell them everything.

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That's one group that you need to have discernment. Another

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group is the person that you end up having a

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romantic sexual relationship with need to have discernment and The

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last group that you need to have discernment with are

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people that you go into business with, people that you

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start companies with. You need to have discernment because you're

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gonna be working with them. You have to like their ethics,

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their morals, the way that they present themselves, all those

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types of things, and lifestyle as well, because remember, if

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somebody's lifestyle is not the same as yours, as far

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as you know, they're not getting sleep, they're not taking

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care of themselves, maybe they're using drugs or alcohol. That

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could be a problem on the bottom line when it

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comes to business success. And so discernment when we look

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at multiple definitions, first is the ability to judge well,

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and again I don't like that word because I don't

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think discernment is judgment. I think it's about seeing things

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in a clear way. Another definition is the perception in

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the absence of judgment and able to view to obtain

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a spiritual guidance or understanding about a specific relationship. And

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this is tough because we're not talking about like these easy, breezy,

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you know, simple type situations. We're talking about very complex,

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very complex relationships. Very complex because a deep relationship that

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you've had with somebody for a very long time is

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not simple. Okay, There's lots of details, there's lots of

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moving parts, there's lots of things. There's past, present, future,

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there's their past history, your past history.

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All these things go into it.

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And so in order to really have a clarity of

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mine about the relationship, we have to take many things

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into account. We have to have the ability to see

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to understand, and that also takes like a non judgmental piece,

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because you have to be able to see things without

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being colored a certain way. Like so, you know a

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lot of our relationships, whether it's a really long term

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friendship you really care about somebody it's been in your

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life for a long time, or a romantic relationship. You

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know both of those relationships. Especially when you've known somebody

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for a very long time, it can be challenging to

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see the situation clearly sometimes because you're listening to that

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person tell you how they feel or what they're doing,

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and sometimes that could be honest, sometimes that could be biased,

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and sometimes that could be a straight up lie. And

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it's very hard to understand things because remember it, sometimes

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when people lie to us, they're not just lying to us,

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they're also lying to themselves, okay, And that's one of

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the hardest things that I think humans have trouble, especially

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when there's not a lot of self awareness. They're lacking

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self awareness, or there's some sort of impairment as far

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as learning impairment or alcohol or drug impairment that gets

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in the way of them really being able to connect

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with their feelings, emotions, true needs, true desires, true things,

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and being honest, because sometimes that person may not even

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be honest with.

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Themselves, which is really hard to have.

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Discernment because you know, it's one thing to be able

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to see things and to take everything in consideration, not

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expecting something, not assuming something, being able to see things

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more clearly, stepping back from judgment. Having all that, that's

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very important in order to be able to make wise decisions.

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We have to also recognize like subtle differences or subtle

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aspects that.

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Don't seem to add up.

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In a lot of these relationships, there'll be things that

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you don't understand, things that don't add up, things that

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don't make sense. You know, it's like the you know,

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it's like the dangling thing out there. It's dangling out

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there in the wind. We don't really understand what it means.

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And it's interesting when you've had situations where people are

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talking about things and you don't really get it and

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you don't really understand and you don't really see what

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it is, and then eventually somebody says something and you

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put all the pieces of the puzzle together and you go, oh,

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my god, that makes perfect sense. But it's hard because

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when you don't have all the information, it's exactly right.

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You don't have all the information, you can't make a decision.

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And and it's hard to being able to make a

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wise decision when you're dealing with someone that may or

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may not be being honest with themselves. And that is

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a very hard thing to discern. And I think discernment

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is one of the most important things you could possibly

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have right now. I've met some people in the last

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few years where my gut instinct, in the very beginning,

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my gut instinct was to watch out, to leave, to

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move on, okay, And I remember questioning, oh, you know,

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I'm making a snap judgment, what have you? But I've

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realized that gut to some degree is right as long

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as it's not clouded with other people's decisions, with other

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people's judgments. See the problem that a lot of people

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have is they get their information or they don't even

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realize they're getting information, but they're being told stuff from

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someone that has an agenda okay. And so this is

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one of the biggest aspects is looking at everyone's agenda

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in the situation. So I've realized that when someone comes

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to me about somebody and says something, okay, I'll listen,

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but I always find it interesting because I wonder why

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this is said. Okay, what's the purpose of telling me?

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What am I supposed to feel from it? Do they

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want me to feel a certain way if this really happened,

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Did it really happen? Did this situation really take place?

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Because usually they're offering you a negative thing that somebody

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has done, okay, and you're having to kind of accept that.

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And I think one of the most foolish things that

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we can do is is hear those types of things

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and to immediately take sides. I find that that's a

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really not a good thing to do, because when you

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take sides, sometimes you're taking the wrong side. Sometimes you

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need to be out of it. It has nothing to absolutely

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do with you. All you do is you create more

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havoc in your life because you're taking a side that

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you don't need to take, okay, and that that's something

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that you got to be really careful with. And so

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I've realized that if somebody comes to me about some

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sort of gossip, especially when I'm not asking for it, one,

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it's not solidicially, you know, it's not solicitated.

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I don't really want it.

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It's not it's not like I'm you know, it's not

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like I'm like, oh, I really want this gossip. It's like, okay,

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this came out of nowhere. Why am I being told this?

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Or I also watch out when somebody is constantly talking

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about somebody else constantly in a negative format. Uh, I

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know that that person's wanting means to not like that person,

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and a lot of people will take that side. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

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I don't like so and so. We don't really even

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know so and so at all. So anyway, so it's

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interesting you'll find that in a lot of narcissistic type people,

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where they try to turn people on other people to

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create these other people and triangulate these other people to

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create this nasty dynamic. So nobody is really watching what

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the narcissist is doing the nar is getting away with

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all this stuff, triangulating, you know, having fighting amongst everybody,

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getting their way with this person in that, changing the

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conversation over here, lying to this person over there, getting

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this person to.

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Believe this lie.

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So you know, they're they're trying to keep everybody at

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bay anyway, because they don't want anybody talking, right that.

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You know, narcissists are great about triangulating. They love to

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triangulate people, right, because that's what they do is they'll

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have stuff going on over there, and if you try

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to get the information or the honest truth, they're not

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going to give it to you. They're gonna also make

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you look bad to the people that they're trying to

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triangulate you with, so that those other people don't want

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to talk to you. They don't want to have a

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conversation with you. They see you as the enemy, they

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see you as the threat, and you've been made out

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to be that way, you see.

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And again this is.

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Important to have discernment because sometimes, and it's very interesting,

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It's happened to me a couple of times in my

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life where somebody said something about me and I can

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remember the last time, very very well. And uh, they

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said that I was against a group of people, which

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I'm definitely not. And they said that to somebody when,

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you know, and then that person took it and went

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with it. And then later on it was I didn't

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say anything to them. I let them go along with

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whatever they thought. I'm not going to care what they

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think about me. They're not paying needed for that. I

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don't care. And they came and when this particular person

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came up to me two years later and apologized to

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me and apologized and told me exactly what had happened.

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And sometimes it can take years.

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Sometimes it can take a lifetime, you know, because if

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somebody's making you out to be mud, a lot of

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people just jump on that bandwagon because that's just a

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lot a lot of people want, don't have any discernment

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at all. And two, a lot of people love the

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concept of being a flying monkey. They love to serve

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the narcissist, and you know, they just kind of fly around,

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and the narcissist loves it because then they play the

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victim with everybody, you know, the damsel in distress, whether

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it's a man or a woman, and gay or straight,

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they'll play this damsel in distress, and so you have

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to be very well all the kind of the moving parts.

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I've realized that some of the biggest aspects of life

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is noticing the very fine, small details, and that's very

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discerning to look at the fine details, especially in very

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complex and i'd call these hyper complex situations. So the

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more complex the situation is, the more details there are,

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the more details there are, the more data points there are,

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the more data points there are, the more you can

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connect the dots. It's a very interesting dynamic and you

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also have to be very super aware. My advice to

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have complete discernment is, you know, stop smoking, we stop

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drinking a bunch of alcohol, don't do any other drugs,

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be careful what you take, watch out for pharmaceuticals. You

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need to be on your p's and ques. If you

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want to have actual discernment, you gotta have clarity. I mean,

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people underestimate clarity all day long. And it's funny because

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you find people that are that are so abusive of

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pharmaceuticals or drugs or alcohol, they actually believe their nonsense.

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They believe their truth, they believe their falsehood, they believe

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they're manufactured falsehood to be true. They believe it, and

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I find that very interesting and say they'll go to

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their death over this falsehood that is not true. And

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so being able to see things clearly, because if you're

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having a lot to drink, if you're out of control,

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if you're on a bunch of pharmaceuticals that are changing

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your brain chemistry, if you're on illegal drugs changing your

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brain chemistry, if you're on a combination of all three

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or four, yes, you're not going to have any discernment,

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and you might make judgment because there's a big difference

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between judgment and discernment.

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You might make a judgment.

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It's not judgment about somebody because you're in a bad

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mood or you feel funny, because it's really the drugs

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that are impacting.

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You're not really understanding what's really happening.

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That can be a very interesting dynamic in its own

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And so that's why you have to be careful. When

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I'm trying to explain discernment to my clients, I said,

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first of all, we have to have clear head, we

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have to have clarity, and it can't just be for

234
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one day, can't just be for one week. This has

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to be a lie. This has to be a chosen

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lifestyle and maybe you quit drinking a year ago. Whatever,

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that's great, go on, go for it. But you have

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to have clarity because these complex, hyper complex situations that

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are really hard to put in a perspective and to

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00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:37.559
put your finger on it can be very challenging, okay.

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And that's where I feel is.

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An interesting dynamic because there can be all these different

243
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things going and then remember you're hearing sides to the

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00:13:49.360 --> 00:13:53.159
stories or this or that, or emotions or whatever, or

245
00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:56.200
comments and things, and you're trying to size everything up.

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Sometimes it's based on just action alone. Because I've realized

247
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that a lot of people say things, they'll color it

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the way they want it to be. Color Now, if

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they want to be the victim, they're gonna play the victim.

250
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That's just the way they're gonna be. We know that, okay.

251
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And then they're always going to play and paint the victimhood.

252
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So anything you get out of them is going to

253
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be victim based. So you can't buy into it. You

254
00:14:20.720 --> 00:14:22.799
gotta watch it. Are they really the victim? What are

255
00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:25.120
they really going through? How are they acting? You know,

256
00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:28.799
somebody that is very entitled and demanding is not the victim.

257
00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:31.399
We don't have a victim here. We have something very different.

258
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We have somebody wearing a mask playing a victim. Right,

259
00:14:35.240 --> 00:14:39.240
this is discernment. Okay, this is when it gets really

260
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kind of nitty gritty. We have to distinguish between specific things. Now.

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00:14:46.720 --> 00:14:48.960
For example, you may have somebody in your life that

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00:14:49.000 --> 00:14:51.440
you've been trying to connect with or spend time with,

263
00:14:51.720 --> 00:14:53.600
but it seems like they can never do that. And

264
00:14:53.679 --> 00:14:57.440
that's fine sometimes because maybe that person is super overworked,

265
00:14:57.559 --> 00:15:01.279
over busy, dealing with family dynamics, dealing with the health

266
00:15:01.320 --> 00:15:03.519
of a father, or what have you, going through all

267
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that and the only way you really know is by actions,

268
00:15:08.080 --> 00:15:11.279
is by what they're doing. People can talk a big

269
00:15:11.320 --> 00:15:14.720
game again, right, but you can't just judge and get oh, well,

270
00:15:14.720 --> 00:15:16.440
they just don't have time for me, because they might

271
00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:19.919
have a schedule that's way more challenging than yours, or

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might not be true at all. But it's like being

273
00:15:23.399 --> 00:15:26.919
able to see the differences, seeing the action. When somebody

274
00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:30.120
really does care about you, even if it's a small gesture,

275
00:15:30.159 --> 00:15:32.399
they will do what they can to show you that

276
00:15:32.440 --> 00:15:36.159
they're thinking of you. Now, somebody can say and play

277
00:15:36.159 --> 00:15:38.279
a big game and talk a big game and not

278
00:15:38.399 --> 00:15:41.919
show up. But their actions usually show that they're putting

279
00:15:42.039 --> 00:15:45.159
somebody else first, maybe someone else second, and maybe your

280
00:15:45.320 --> 00:15:47.720
third in line, fourth in line, fifth in line, maybe

281
00:15:47.720 --> 00:15:50.799
you're not even in the top ten. Okay, you should

282
00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:52.360
be able to see that for what it is. And

283
00:15:52.440 --> 00:15:55.000
I know that we tell ourselves lies. Oh but they

284
00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:57.600
have this or that, or you know, they're taking care

285
00:15:57.639 --> 00:16:00.600
of their sick mom or their six dad or and

286
00:16:00.639 --> 00:16:02.679
that's fine, But then you see the actions because if

287
00:16:02.679 --> 00:16:05.200
they're over there all the time, yes that's true, that

288
00:16:05.399 --> 00:16:07.799
is the case. But if they're not, they're barely over there,

289
00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:11.600
that's just an excuse that they're telling you right, because

290
00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:13.480
they got something else that they got to deal with.

291
00:16:15.399 --> 00:16:16.720
You know, it's interesting too.

292
00:16:16.600 --> 00:16:20.960
Because discernment really helps you to see the difference between

293
00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:24.919
what's right and wrong, what's right and wrong. And there's

294
00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:29.080
no there's no one word, there's no black and white.

295
00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:32.879
So we're not going with black and white thinking here,

296
00:16:32.919 --> 00:16:37.639
because black and white thinking is used when somebody has,

297
00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:43.519
you know, an inability to have any empathy, inability to

298
00:16:43.559 --> 00:16:46.960
see any gray, and an inability usually to want to

299
00:16:46.960 --> 00:16:51.879
hear that other side perspective perception, right. I think it's

300
00:16:51.960 --> 00:16:55.840
very interesting because I think there's degrees of you know,

301
00:16:56.399 --> 00:16:59.279
right and wrong. I think there's reasons why people do things.

302
00:17:00.639 --> 00:17:04.200
But again, there's some things that you can see when

303
00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:07.640
somebody's doing something that's not right, and you see that

304
00:17:07.799 --> 00:17:11.680
and you go along with that, that's okay, right then,

305
00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:15.079
But do you think that that's ever gonna come your way?

306
00:17:16.440 --> 00:17:20.400
Discernment would probably say, hey, if that person's saying that

307
00:17:20.440 --> 00:17:23.480
and lying to other people, they're probably gonna allow to

308
00:17:23.519 --> 00:17:27.359
me too, okay. Or if that person's over there talking

309
00:17:27.400 --> 00:17:30.880
behind everybody's back all the time and talking about how

310
00:17:30.920 --> 00:17:33.839
everybody's this or that, or she's fat, or he's a loser,

311
00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:36.160
or this is a person's doing that, they're gonna talk

312
00:17:36.240 --> 00:17:38.359
about you too. Don't think that you're above it. And

313
00:17:38.359 --> 00:17:39.079
that's one thing that.

314
00:17:39.079 --> 00:17:41.000
A lot of people fall short.

315
00:17:41.079 --> 00:17:46.400
They fall in the chasm of this issue. They fall

316
00:17:46.440 --> 00:17:50.000
into this chasm of oh, well, I'm really their real

317
00:17:50.079 --> 00:17:53.200
friend or I'm above that. They wouldn't talk about me. No,

318
00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:59.519
don't give yourself this ego narcissistic ego boost. Okay, Honestly,

319
00:17:59.559 --> 00:18:02.240
think about things clearly, if somebody's talking about everybody in

320
00:18:02.279 --> 00:18:05.279
the room, they're talking about you too. If somebody's talking

321
00:18:05.279 --> 00:18:07.960
badly about everybody they meet behind their back, they're talking

322
00:18:08.000 --> 00:18:08.680
about you too.

323
00:18:09.160 --> 00:18:09.519
Okay.

324
00:18:09.559 --> 00:18:13.359
So the other discernment piece, too, is when you first

325
00:18:13.400 --> 00:18:16.119
meet somebody, Remember, most people are going to be on

326
00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:19.079
their best behavior. They're going to put you on a pedestal.

327
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:21.480
Some of them don't even know because they are so

328
00:18:21.799 --> 00:18:24.200
on self aware that they're doing it. Some of them

329
00:18:24.200 --> 00:18:27.680
are doing it as a game. Some of them are

330
00:18:27.759 --> 00:18:32.319
playing you. And you have to distinguish between actual care

331
00:18:33.160 --> 00:18:37.720
attention versus I'm trying to get all the information from

332
00:18:37.759 --> 00:18:40.279
you so that I can use it later as forever ammunition.

333
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:42.960
I'm trying to get you to be addicted to me,

334
00:18:43.079 --> 00:18:45.279
So even if I treat you really, really badly, you're

335
00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:46.880
still going to keep me back. You're still going to

336
00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:49.400
keep coming back to me because you have this addiction

337
00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:51.480
to the beginning of the relationship when I gave you

338
00:18:51.559 --> 00:18:52.279
all this attention.

339
00:18:53.079 --> 00:18:56.079
And you know, I recently created a video.

340
00:18:57.400 --> 00:18:59.680
On YouTube the other day and it's coming out I

341
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:01.599
think in a couple of days if it hasn't already,

342
00:19:02.359 --> 00:19:06.440
and it's about you know, when people do things and

343
00:19:06.599 --> 00:19:09.240
they claim a reason like, Hey, I'm going to not

344
00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:13.400
take this job in this other state, uh, because I'm

345
00:19:13.400 --> 00:19:15.039
gonna stay here with you and be there for you.

346
00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:17.400
Or I'm not going to go back to school and

347
00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:19.599
get my doctorate because I need to help you with

348
00:19:19.640 --> 00:19:21.319
your mother or father or whatever.

349
00:19:21.400 --> 00:19:22.319
The dynamic is.

350
00:19:22.880 --> 00:19:26.440
It's it's these fake it's these fake concepts that they're

351
00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:27.039
bringing up.

352
00:19:27.079 --> 00:19:28.799
It's it's a falsehood.

353
00:19:29.160 --> 00:19:32.200
Okay, So they show you that they're going to basically

354
00:19:32.920 --> 00:19:36.359
give of themselves, lose a part of their life, right,

355
00:19:36.400 --> 00:19:38.759
They're going to lose a part of their life. They're

356
00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:41.400
going to lose something that they want. They're you know,

357
00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:44.640
they're gonna they're gonna take the hit in order to

358
00:19:44.799 --> 00:19:53.599
help you. And that's great, but oftentimes that's not at

359
00:19:53.599 --> 00:19:58.759
all what happens. Oftentimes when somebody says they're going to

360
00:19:58.880 --> 00:20:02.759
do something for you, you know, the sacrifice that they're

361
00:20:02.799 --> 00:20:07.039
going to make, which I have actually deemed as fake sacrifices.

362
00:20:07.359 --> 00:20:08.839
These are fake sacrifices.

363
00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:11.759
They are sacrifices that they couldn't do anyway there was

364
00:20:11.839 --> 00:20:15.119
no job, or they didn't really get accepted into the college.

365
00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:15.920
You know.

366
00:20:16.039 --> 00:20:18.759
Recently, you know, I had a client that we realized that,

367
00:20:19.920 --> 00:20:21.720
you know, they had been in a situation in a

368
00:20:21.759 --> 00:20:27.000
relationship where somebody had to get multiple abortions, and we've

369
00:20:27.000 --> 00:20:30.920
realized that that was not their child anytime.

370
00:20:31.559 --> 00:20:33.880
Okay, in the moment.

371
00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:37.359
You feel guilty because this person is saying, I sacrificed

372
00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:41.119
all this for you, and now here you are doing

373
00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:42.759
this and that, and so they keep you in this

374
00:20:42.920 --> 00:20:45.319
sad state of mind where you feel like you have

375
00:20:45.400 --> 00:20:47.920
to repay this person every moment of the day, like

376
00:20:47.960 --> 00:20:50.640
I have to repay them, I have to take care

377
00:20:50.680 --> 00:20:53.759
of them, I got to do everything because this person

378
00:20:53.799 --> 00:20:56.480
made the sacrifice a long time ago. And you'll hear

379
00:20:56.519 --> 00:20:59.119
about this sacrifice, by the way, the fake sacrifice, the

380
00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:02.000
false sacrifice, we'll be talked about for the rest of

381
00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:04.279
your life as long as you stay with this person,

382
00:21:04.319 --> 00:21:06.319
because they have to use something over your head to

383
00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:08.920
keep you in check. And so people will go along

384
00:21:09.000 --> 00:21:12.279
with these false sacrifices, believing they're real and never doing

385
00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:14.920
their due diligence to say, was that really my kid?

386
00:21:15.000 --> 00:21:17.759
Or did they ever get accepted into that college? Or hey,

387
00:21:17.839 --> 00:21:19.960
did they ever pass that test when they were able

388
00:21:19.960 --> 00:21:25.279
to take it? Were they even offered that job? And discernment,

389
00:21:25.480 --> 00:21:28.279
and I hate to say it is doing that extra mile.

390
00:21:28.759 --> 00:21:30.519
And also discernment is.

391
00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:33.880
Not allowing somebody to make that sacrifice in the first place.

392
00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:37.680
It's fighting about that sacrifice. It's asking why would you

393
00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:38.960
ever make this sacrifice?

394
00:21:38.960 --> 00:21:40.000
Why would you do it?

395
00:21:39.720 --> 00:21:42.319
It's about not taking it for face value. And it's

396
00:21:42.359 --> 00:21:45.279
also about intrinsically saying no, you need to go take that,

397
00:21:45.559 --> 00:21:49.440
because I realized anytime that somebody does sacrifice, they're gonna

398
00:21:49.480 --> 00:21:51.440
make you pay for it because they're gonna be upset

399
00:21:51.480 --> 00:21:54.119
with it. And if it's a fake sacrifice, huh, things

400
00:21:54.119 --> 00:21:57.519
are gonna be revealed very quickly when you push them

401
00:21:57.640 --> 00:22:03.000
into taking that and not sacrifice for you. We also

402
00:22:03.160 --> 00:22:09.480
need to distinguish and discern between good and evil, truth

403
00:22:09.559 --> 00:22:13.160
and falsehood. Okay, so there's a lot of people out

404
00:22:13.160 --> 00:22:18.200
there acting like they're good. You gotta really look. Devil

405
00:22:18.359 --> 00:22:23.599
is in the details literally literally. So if the devil's

406
00:22:23.640 --> 00:22:26.480
in the details and I gotta figure this out, I

407
00:22:26.519 --> 00:22:28.839
bet things are gonna look real good even if they're not.

408
00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:31.920
And the more that the picture is painted that it's

409
00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:34.519
gonna be real good and everything's gonna be great, and

410
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:37.920
this is gonna be awesome for you. That's always a

411
00:22:37.960 --> 00:22:42.480
red flag. It's always a red flag. You know, anything

412
00:22:42.519 --> 00:22:45.079
that's too true, that's too good to be true, is

413
00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:49.160
probably too good to be true. Think about it, like,

414
00:22:49.279 --> 00:22:53.160
nobody from Nigeria's is giving you twenty million dollars by

415
00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:56.039
email without knowing you and didn't even spell your name right,

416
00:22:56.799 --> 00:22:59.400
sounds good in the moment, You're like, whoa, my ship

417
00:22:59.400 --> 00:23:02.279
has come in. Okay, now what do I have to do?

418
00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:06.000
I only have to send them fifteen hundred dollars, Okay.

419
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:09.440
Devil's in the details. But see, discernment says, hmm, never

420
00:23:09.559 --> 00:23:13.160
met me. Uh huh. I don't know them. I don't

421
00:23:13.160 --> 00:23:17.119
have any family in Nigeria, and so they want to

422
00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:21.119
give me how many million for fifteen hundred? Oh that's logical, Yeah,

423
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:24.400
that's real logical. But see, that's obviously an easy thing

424
00:23:24.440 --> 00:23:27.160
to discern now not for some people. Yes, I know,

425
00:23:27.200 --> 00:23:29.400
and I'm sorry that some of you have fallen for

426
00:23:29.480 --> 00:23:31.920
that trap. And I know we've all fallen for some

427
00:23:32.039 --> 00:23:34.960
scam and it's trying not to get upset with yourself.

428
00:23:35.000 --> 00:23:37.160
We've all fallen for a scam. But this is the

429
00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:39.440
reason to even have more discernment right, it's not to

430
00:23:39.519 --> 00:23:42.599
fall for that other scam, not to fall for someone

431
00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:47.200
else's lies, not to fall for someone else's scam that

432
00:23:47.240 --> 00:23:50.200
they want you to believe so that you can fund

433
00:23:50.559 --> 00:23:55.319
their lifestyle. And again, remember I'm not saying that everybody

434
00:23:55.359 --> 00:23:58.559
has agendas. I think everybody wants to be happy and

435
00:23:58.680 --> 00:24:01.160
wants to be content and want us to do what

436
00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:02.200
they want to do in life.

437
00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:03.680
And I like that.

438
00:24:04.279 --> 00:24:06.240
But I do think you have a lot of folks

439
00:24:06.279 --> 00:24:10.920
out there that it's more than that. It's an agenda,

440
00:24:11.240 --> 00:24:16.400
it's a direction. And so with discernment, you can tell

441
00:24:16.440 --> 00:24:19.920
when somebody has an agenda because they're always pushing it forward,

442
00:24:20.960 --> 00:24:23.680
even if it seems a little odd off base, they're

443
00:24:23.680 --> 00:24:29.599
always pushing that, always pushing it forward. That's what I

444
00:24:29.640 --> 00:24:31.400
want us to be aware of. That's what I want

445
00:24:31.480 --> 00:24:34.400
us to understand, Okay, That's what I want us to see,

446
00:24:35.039 --> 00:24:39.119
is the pushing of that forward to really understand what's

447
00:24:39.160 --> 00:24:42.599
going on, okay. And so discernment means you can see

448
00:24:42.680 --> 00:24:46.440
through the details, you can analyze the small things. And

449
00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:49.039
I'm not talking about sitting there for hours being like

450
00:24:49.160 --> 00:24:52.680
you know, private Detective Cia. You don't have to do

451
00:24:52.759 --> 00:24:55.279
that in your life, But a lot of times the

452
00:24:55.319 --> 00:24:58.279
red flags are right there, and the only reason you

453
00:24:58.319 --> 00:25:02.039
don't see it is because you want something different. You

454
00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:06.680
want the fairy tale, you want your created narrative, you

455
00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:09.680
want your vision of what you want, which none of

456
00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:14.240
it holds reality, none of it is based in reality.

457
00:25:15.480 --> 00:25:17.480
And that's what I want you to start thinking about.

458
00:25:17.640 --> 00:25:21.000
Is are there some relationships or one relationship in my

459
00:25:21.119 --> 00:25:25.160
life that I am trying to augment or change or

460
00:25:25.160 --> 00:25:28.920
make it into something that it's not. Does this person

461
00:25:29.039 --> 00:25:32.680
really have my best at heart? Does this person even

462
00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:35.039
have what's best for them at heart? Now, remember that

463
00:25:35.920 --> 00:25:43.079
the absolute most scary volatile people that you can be

464
00:25:43.160 --> 00:25:49.759
around is someone that doesn't care about their future, their life,

465
00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:54.119
doesn't care. It's someone that doesn't take care of themselves,

466
00:25:54.160 --> 00:25:57.279
would rather stay up all night do whatever, and not

467
00:25:57.359 --> 00:26:01.039
pay attention to moving their life forward. That person has nothing.

468
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:05.920
They also have nothing to lose, and you will always

469
00:26:05.960 --> 00:26:08.000
lose by being around them. And you have to wake

470
00:26:08.119 --> 00:26:12.680
up because discernment shows you something's not right, This is

471
00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:16.440
not right, and you start collecting those data points. And

472
00:26:16.480 --> 00:26:19.319
for some of you, the data points are coming so fast,

473
00:26:19.400 --> 00:26:21.319
I mean, you could make I mean this is crazy.

474
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:23.599
You just open your eyes, it's right there for you.

475
00:26:24.519 --> 00:26:27.079
And then some of you gotta really look deeper. You

476
00:26:27.119 --> 00:26:30.079
got to really go within too and get rid of

477
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:34.480
any fairy tale or illusion or image that you have

478
00:26:34.599 --> 00:26:37.359
in your mind of this relationship, because that is what

479
00:26:37.640 --> 00:26:41.039
is getting in the way of you seeing the truth

480
00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:48.160
of the situation, the truth, because a lot of times

481
00:26:48.200 --> 00:26:51.359
the truth is right there. You just don't like the truth.

482
00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:55.519
The truth is not what you want. The truth is

483
00:26:55.559 --> 00:26:58.440
not going to keep this relationship going. The truth is

484
00:26:58.440 --> 00:27:00.359
going to show the truth. The truth is going to

485
00:27:00.440 --> 00:27:04.279
out the situation, literally out whatever the situation that is.

486
00:27:06.640 --> 00:27:09.319
And you know, it's interesting because one of the hardest

487
00:27:09.359 --> 00:27:12.920
things with discernment you're gonna have is trying to figure

488
00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:16.359
out if somebody's being honest with themselves. And then that's

489
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:19.119
when it comes back to your discernment saying, Okay, do

490
00:27:19.240 --> 00:27:21.759
I want to keep asking these questions and trying to

491
00:27:21.799 --> 00:27:24.640
figure this out, or have I had enough and I'm

492
00:27:24.680 --> 00:27:27.279
ready to move on, even though I haven't had it

493
00:27:27.319 --> 00:27:29.440
come out of their mouth what I wanted to hear.

494
00:27:29.920 --> 00:27:32.279
And those are questions that we all have to deal with.

495
00:27:32.920 --> 00:27:36.119
But in any relationship, whether it's a really close friend

496
00:27:36.119 --> 00:27:39.039
that you tell everything too. These people need to be

497
00:27:39.079 --> 00:27:41.799
at the highest level of good. You need to be

498
00:27:41.880 --> 00:27:45.799
at the highest level of good. Okay, whether it's somebody

499
00:27:45.880 --> 00:27:49.599
you're in a romantic relationship with, or you're engaged, married,

500
00:27:49.799 --> 00:27:53.359
or a sexual romantic relationship, you need to be aligned

501
00:27:53.400 --> 00:27:56.079
with somebody that has good qualities, that's there for you,

502
00:27:56.160 --> 00:28:00.279
that's a quality person that's being honest with you, you know,

503
00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:03.079
for your safety, for security, but also for the fact

504
00:28:03.079 --> 00:28:06.039
of you know, being honest and sharing with you how

505
00:28:06.079 --> 00:28:08.759
they feel. But sometimes in some of those relationships, just

506
00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:12.279
as in friendships, you're only getting that one side as

507
00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:16.519
well as if you're working in business with somebody, Yes,

508
00:28:16.599 --> 00:28:20.279
in a business relationship you need to separate personal from business. However,

509
00:28:20.759 --> 00:28:24.359
if somebody's personal life is jeopardizing the business, you have

510
00:28:24.440 --> 00:28:27.400
to step in and have discernment. And all these things

511
00:28:27.400 --> 00:28:30.160
are very important. And so this is the word of

512
00:28:30.200 --> 00:28:32.960
the day, This is the word of the century. This

513
00:28:33.000 --> 00:28:37.039
should be your word all the time, is discernment. It's

514
00:28:37.079 --> 00:28:40.799
not about judgment. Judgment is usually very wonky. It's based

515
00:28:40.839 --> 00:28:43.480
on oh, you know, most people judge other people for

516
00:28:43.519 --> 00:28:46.640
the stuff that they're actually doing. Most people judge other

517
00:28:46.680 --> 00:28:49.519
people for what they're doing, you know, and it's interesting

518
00:28:49.599 --> 00:28:53.640
because they project right, and these non self aware people

519
00:28:53.839 --> 00:28:56.519
project on other people and believe that they're the saint

520
00:28:56.599 --> 00:29:01.559
and everybody else's the narcissists. That's really sad because somebody

521
00:29:01.559 --> 00:29:04.200
that's not self aware is and really at a certain

522
00:29:04.200 --> 00:29:07.160
by a certain age, is never going to be self aware.

523
00:29:07.839 --> 00:29:09.880
And those are the people you got to run away

524
00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:11.880
from as fast as possible. I hate to say it,

525
00:29:11.920 --> 00:29:15.240
because a non self aware person will bring themself and

526
00:29:15.319 --> 00:29:18.559
everybody down. And usually it's non self aware people can

527
00:29:18.599 --> 00:29:20.759
get out of the fire, but then everybody else gets

528
00:29:20.759 --> 00:29:24.519
the collateral damage. So be careful, have discernment. If you

529
00:29:24.559 --> 00:29:28.000
haven't already, please subscribe to my YouTube channel.

530
00:29:28.440 --> 00:29:29.240
Go to YouTube.

531
00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:31.880
You can do it on your phone. Put in Ashley Burgess.

532
00:29:32.359 --> 00:29:36.079
It'll find my YouTube channel. You can put in Ashley Burgess,

533
00:29:36.119 --> 00:29:39.799
b e er Ges or life Coach Ashley Burgess. We're

534
00:29:39.839 --> 00:29:43.079
getting close to two hundred thousand subscribers. Would love to

535
00:29:43.119 --> 00:29:45.680
have you as a subscriber, and you can let me

536
00:29:45.759 --> 00:29:47.359
know what kind of content you're interested in, and we

537
00:29:47.400 --> 00:29:50.039
put up content, you know, at least twice a week.

538
00:29:51.039 --> 00:29:57.559
On narcissism, cluster b borderline, discernment, judgment, you know, marriage,

539
00:29:57.640 --> 00:30:01.160
you know fixing the marriage, roommates, situation, all kinds of stuff,

540
00:30:01.240 --> 00:30:03.480
very important stuff that can really make your life better

541
00:30:03.640 --> 00:30:06.400
and easier and you can have more knowledge around a

542
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:09.000
situation that might be causing havoc in your life. Also

543
00:30:09.359 --> 00:30:12.319
check out the website Ashleyburgess dot com Ashley B. E

544
00:30:12.480 --> 00:30:16.519
Rges dot com. I also have several therapists that work

545
00:30:16.599 --> 00:30:18.599
with me. So if you'd like to schedule a coaching

546
00:30:18.640 --> 00:30:21.599
or therapy session, just go to Astleyburgess dot com, click

547
00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:24.559
on that coaching section and set up an appointment right

548
00:30:24.559 --> 00:30:28.920
then and there. And so in the end today remember discernment.

549
00:30:29.000 --> 00:30:30.920
That should be the word. I don't want anybody tattooing

550
00:30:30.920 --> 00:30:33.799
that on their body, but it's really that important. And

551
00:30:33.839 --> 00:30:35.680
if you have to tattoo it, you have to. But

552
00:30:35.759 --> 00:30:39.960
that is the key word in every relationship, in every situation,

553
00:30:40.440 --> 00:30:43.680
and that will keep you above water and it will

554
00:30:43.720 --> 00:30:46.519
keep you wise. And sometimes you just got to listen,

555
00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:49.079
you gotta watch, and you got to see people's actions.

556
00:30:49.680 --> 00:30:50.640
Thank you for tuning in.

557
00:30:50.720 --> 00:30:53.319
This has been the Ashley Burgess Podcast, originally the Live

558
00:30:53.359 --> 00:30:55.160
Your True Life Perspectives podcast.

559
00:30:55.599 --> 00:30:57.119
Thank you for tuning in and tune in.

560
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:02.279
Next week we post on Spreaker Wednesday Mornings, which goes

561
00:31:02.319 --> 00:31:08.160
out on everything from iHeart to Apple podcasts. Okay, don't

562
00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:16.200
forget to live your true life.