Oct. 1, 2024

Black Sheep Versus the Golden Child in Family Dynamics. [Ep.776]

Black Sheep Versus the Golden Child in Family Dynamics. [Ep.776]

Are you the black sheep or the golden child of your family? Your role within the family can significantly shape your experiences and relationships. What parental dynamics led to this structure?  As we age, how does this dynamic change? As young...

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Are you the black sheep or the golden child of your family? Your role within the family can significantly shape your experiences and relationships. What parental dynamics led to this structure? As we age, how does this dynamic change? As young children, we often don’t realize whether we are the golden child or the black sheep, but over time, the division between siblings grows, along with feelings of resentment. The parents create this division to make them look better in front of others, bragging about the golden child's accolades. Join me as I discuss the lasting impacts of being labeled the black sheep or the golden child and how painful this can be, especially for those stuck in between, as well as what happens when the black sheep becomes more successful than the golden child.

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You're in a good place now. You are listening to

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Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back Live to leave a true life Perspectives and

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I'm their host. Ashley Burgess. On today's show will be

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talking about family dynamics in terms of the black sheep

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aka the scapegoat versus the golden child and how that

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impacts us and how that actually comes to pass and

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some of the things that can change and augment over

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the years as we age and get older, and how

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that works out in the process. And it's interesting the

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concept of the black sheep and the concept of the

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golden child and the parent dynamic that creates this type

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of structure power dynamic and how that actually plays out.

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And it's interesting how these parents create this dynamic. They

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separate siblings from one another, They manipulate and separate because

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they believe that one child has the potential of being

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successful and being having everything they want and being able

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to say, hey, this is my amazing kid. And they

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get behind that kid and they praise and they do

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all these things, and they go out of their way

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to take care of them and you know, doing all

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the things around the house for them, where they don't

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have to lift a finger, whereas the other siblings don't

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have the same life in the same family dynamic. And

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some can be in the middle. They're not the golden child,

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but they're not the black sheep. And so you have

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some of those kids that are just kind of the middle.

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They're not the supposedly going to be the next success story,

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nor are they the worst one, but yet they're in

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the middle. They get a little bit of attention, but

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not a lot. And then you have the child that

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has been deemed as the black sheep or the scapegoat,

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and that is an interesting dynamic. And when we walk

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through that, you know, at the time, it's not like

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you know that you're the black sheep with escape goat.

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It's not that you know you're the Josen golden child.

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And the impact that that has on your life is

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very interesting because even though the black sheep doesn't really

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know that're the black sheep, they just know that they

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have to seem to do everything for themselves, that they

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have to be scrappy, they got to get things done,

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they have to be resourceful. Their laundry is not going

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to be done by their mother. These things that they

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have to do have to be done, they have to

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get their homework done. They don't get special treatment. And

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then you see someone else in the family dynamic that

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seems to be getting special treatment. They seem to, you know,

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have things done for them. They seem to be kind

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of the center of attention, you know. And it's interesting

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because you don't there's no names for it, there's no definitions,

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you know, when you're five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven,

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twelve to know what's really going on. However, as the

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years progress, so does the resentment. As the years progress,

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so does the division, the division between the black sheep

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and the golden child. And as the years progress, the

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things that the golden child gets to do is significantly

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more interesting than the other children. And it's interesting because

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the dynamic is created by parents who are thinking more

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about themselves, more self centered, more about self, more about

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defining their kids, hoping that their kids have this amazing life,

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to make them look better, to make them look good.

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This is my son, you know, he's, you know, the

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head of ESPN. Or this is my daughter, you know,

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she's she's on the you know, the cutting line of

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finding the cure for breast cancer or whatever. Or you know,

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or this is my you know, this is my son.

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He's a billionaire, he made all this money in cryptocurrency.

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You know, he's he's a genius. Whatever that is, it's

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you know, it's the title, it's the money, it's the success.

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You know, it's all that because it makes them look good.

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And it's interesting how they make these definitions and defining factors.

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You know, back in the day, it's like, how did

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you pick this kid to be like the hero the

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golden child and this kid to be the idiot? How

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does that work? How did you figure that out? You know,

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I mean that is very interesting. And what I found

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is there's two things right because you don't know, is

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it the chicken, the chicken come before the egg, the

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egg before the chicken. I don't know. But I found

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two things. One is it that they choose the wrong child.

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Is it that they choose the wrong kid, so they

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choose the wrong one. They don't have the right perception,

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you know, they don't they don't have the right perception

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on who is going to be smarter or more successful.

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Or is it that they put so much emphasis on

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this kid that eventually they break Or is it because

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they do all these things for this kid, and the

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kid doesn't have to do anything for themselves, so they

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don't become resourceful. So they're kind of soft, you know,

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and they don't really work hard enough for the successes,

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so they don't really get it. You know. Is it

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the fact that you know, the black Sheep is dumb?

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You know, the Black Sheep, and so they have this

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bad rap and you know, and they have to fight

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against the establishment and make, you know, these changes, and

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because of that fight, and because of having to scrape

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and scratch for everything they get, they become more successful

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because of the fight. That's a question. Or were they

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just automatically smarter to begin with without having that title.

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And I really actually think that the title in the

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way that they're treated directly relates to what happens. I

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don't think it's misperception. I think anybody can be smart,

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anybody can be hardworking. Anybody cannot be hard working. I

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think you have all those things going on, and I

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get it. I understand that, and I think it's definitely

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how how they are raised, and then on top of that,

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what they feel about themselves. Because the Black Sheep, it's

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really hard to get over that that feeling. It's really

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hard to get past that way of thought or feeling

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neglected right, or feeling let you know, not not not

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the special kid, not getting all the attention, that sort

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of thing. It's very hard to not let that kind

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of creep up on you. It's it's really hard not to,

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you know. On the flip side, you know, being the

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golden child and being given all this attention and and

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all this glory and all this consideration probably feels really good,

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and that's that's great. It might make you soft, like, hey,

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you kind of you easily came into all these alcohlades.

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You know. The other side of the coin, though, is

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that the pair's probably don't even care or think about

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the fact of how it makes for a very painful,

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upsetting childhood for all children involved. Because I don't really

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think I think being the golden child is super easier

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in the process than being the black sheet, because you

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are getting more attention, you are getting more things than

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you are getting all this stuff kind of lavished on you,

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for sure, But I'm sure that you catch the other

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siblings and their resentment towards you, and that's a really

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big problem. Is that, you know, then you have this

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war within the siblings, you know, where one siblings like,

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you know, hey, this is this isn't right. And then

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you have the ones in the middle that are they're

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kind of there, they're not really they're not ostracized, but

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yet they're not really spoken to that much. And then

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you got the one that's you know, can't do no wrong.

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And that's very manipulative with children and very painful because

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what do you do about that, how do you change that,

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how do you augment that? And so growing up in

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that type of dynamic, you know you're going to have

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these issues and problems you know within the family, you

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know how you feel about your siblings, the resentment and

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anger that you have, those types of things, and that's

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that's very challenging. So let's go back and think about that.

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From any of you that are listening to the show,

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maybe you were raised as the black sheep. We call

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that also the scapegoat, the one that's, you know, there's

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always something wrong and they blame it on you. Oh

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that happened, It's got to be their fault. And that's

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really challenging growing up because you end up getting this

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insecure dynamic. You start feeling. You don't feel confident. It's

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not a confidence booster. You know. There's a lot of

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insecurities and fear there as the black sheep, because you

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haven't been told how great you are. You haven't been

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told that you're smart, you're intelligent. You know that hasn't

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come to pass, and so you either wallow in that,

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which a lot of people do because it's hard. You know,

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these are your parents are supposed to be helpful, They're

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supposed to be there for you. Why would my parent

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not bring me up? Why would my parent not tell

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me that I'm great or wonderful. I must not be great,

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I must not be wonderful. Why do they keep putting

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me down? I must be this way, This must be me.

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I must be going through this process, otherwise they wouldn't

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be treating me like this. There's got to be a reason,

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right because as kids, we have to make a reason

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for why this is all happening. We can't just accept

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the fact that there's something wrong with mom, dad or both.

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You know, I mean we can't, you know, none of

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us come into you know, from the womb and jump

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out and go oh yeah, you know, moms are raging narcissists,

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while Dad has you know, borderline tendency and narcissm with

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a little hint of histrionic. Nobody sits there. He goes,

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oh yeah, oh yeah. My parents are completely self absorbed

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and this is all about them, and I'm just you know,

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an extension of their body. And we don't think about that.

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We think, oh, everything's great, wonderful, wonderful, great, it's the

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wonderful most wonderful people. But then over time things change

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and augment and we fall into one of these categories

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or you know, the sidebar where you don't you're not

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the scapegoat, you're not the golden child. You're just one

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of them. You know, You're just one of the kids,

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you know, And it's it's interesting and and I find that,

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you know, the self esteem is an issue with the

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black sheep. The self esteem is an issue because it's hard.

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You know, it's hard when you're not being you're not

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giving any feedback, some positive feedback. That's really challenging. And

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then you know, with the golden child, they're building up

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their self esteem all the time. So in the process

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they're constantly being built up, being you know, made to

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be feeling better. You know, Oh, you're great, you know,

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you can do anything. And so they have this you

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know high you know, theory and thought process about themselves

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and that could go far. Some golden child, you know

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child and some golden children, and it can go really

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far and be very very successful. I'm not saying that

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they can't, because they get that extra you know, umph,

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they get that extra Hey, you're great, You're wonderful. You know,

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you get all those pats on the back, the ADDA boys,

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the added girls, you know, constantly they're going to their

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performances doing what they need to do, and that can

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go far to create somebody that's very successful because they

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have that support. Right on the flip side, you know,

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that can also make for a problem as well, when

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you're pushing somebody so much, you know, you know, also

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it can make people soft too. If you're telling me

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that I can do all this stuff, why do I

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work really hard for it? So there's different situations and

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life situations that take place when it comes to the

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golden child, you know, the golden one, that chosen one

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versus the black sheep. And I know one thing that's

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really sad about it is the separation of the siblings

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based on this dynamic that the parents have created. Have

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they not created this type of dynamic, I believe that

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everybody would be getting along quite quite well, and if

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they weren't, it would be based on their own personalities,

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not the fact that there's been this competitive thing put

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into the situation that nobody else wanted, but the parents wanted.

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They created this hierarchy, and now everybody just kind of

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has to stay this hierarchy and deal with it. And

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you know, the low, you know, the black sheep has

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to stay low, and the golden child has to stay hi,

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and everybody else in the middle has got to stay

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in the middle, and you can't, you know, and then

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you have that resentment and anger toward the siblings, you know,

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because and you don't even know why you have resentment

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an ingr You just know that somebody gets more than

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you do or somebody gets less than you do, and

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you're kind of trying to figure it all out. And

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I find that, you know, it's like, you know, as

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we grow up and as we deal with this, a

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lot of things change. And I've created some some short

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videos that'll be coming out soon, if they haven't already

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come out. As well as a long video. All this

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on YouTube and also on Facebook and Instagram and and

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LinkedIn and you know anywhere that you can find videos,

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and you know, we have a TikTok. We put them

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out there all the time. So it's like, you know,

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when we grow up and we get out of this

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family dynamic, as far as living under the roof of

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this family, things begin to change. Life changes, you know,

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depending on how much work we put in and what

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we're what we're focusing on, and what we're striving for

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and what we're working for, all these things can change

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and augment. And this is very valuable to understand, very

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valuable to figure out because if you are the black Sheep,

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or you're somebody in the middle in the family dynamic,

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or you're the Golden child, this podcast is going to

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really hit home because there's a lot of information here.

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Listen to the end for sure, and I'd love to

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hear some feedback from everybody that listens to the show,

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letting me know how you feel about that. I'd also

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like to do a show with you know, folks live

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talking about their experience as the Golden child, their experience

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as the black Sheep, and how that's impacted their life.

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So we'll be talking more about that, the impact, and

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also what happens when things switch, what happens when the

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black sheep becomes a successful one and the golden child

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not so much. So stay tuned live your true Life

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Perspectives with me, your host Dashy Burds will be back in.

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I'll be back this time, this time and two shapes.

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Turn it up and jump in the deep end on perspectives.

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Now here's Ashley.

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Welcome back live to liter Ature Life Perspectives and I'm

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your host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I'm talking about

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the black sheep, the golden child, the chosen child, and

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earlier I was talking about the concept of you know,

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how we deal with that if you are one of

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those or the middle children that doesn't get that much attention,

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how it impacts your life, you know, the manipulation by

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the parent dynamic of creating this dynamic in the first place,

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and how it makes us resentful and angry, you know,

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towards you know our you know the other folks in

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our in our household, and you know, as you grow

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up as the black sheep, you know, aka the scapegoat,

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or you know, the chosen one, things begin to change.

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And what I found, like I was saying earlier, is that,

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you know, is it the perception that they feel like

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they chose the right one, the one that was going

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to go far? And you know, did they just screw

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up on their perception or was all the stress creating it,

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you know, that made them not be as successful or

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was it the fact that they got soft because they

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did everything for the golden child, and the golden child

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didn't have to do that much, so they didn't really

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put themselves out there while as the black sheep. And

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I'm not saying that every Golden child didn't succeed, That's

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just not what I'm saying. And I'm not saying that

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every black sheep succeeded as well, but I'm saying that

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a lot of times with the black sheep, you had

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to be resourceful. You had to you know, you had

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to scrape and scratch and get what you needed to

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get done. And so sometimes that can make you stronger,

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and not always. I mean, sometimes we get stuck and

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you know, feeling sad about the situation, because it's easy

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to feel sad about the situation. It's your parents, you

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would hope that they love you and care about you

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and they're for you, and that can be very troubling

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as well. So definitely looking at it from that perspective.

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But let's talk a little bit more now about the changes.

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So there's the growing up period of time. Everybody's moved

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out of the house, everybody's been on their own for

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a certain period of time, gone through school, started, you know,

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you know, gotten jobs done, all this stuff, maybe started,

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families all this. What happens though, when things start fleshing

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out and the one that was perceived to be the

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successful one isn't really that successful, and the one that

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was supposed to be the black sheep becomes very successful.

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It's interesting because eventually usually the parent dynamic changes. Now

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not always. Sometimes the golden child is always the golden child,

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no matter what the golden child has done. So even

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if the golden child is having issues going in and

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out of rehab, what have you nothing against rehab, just

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going through that process. You know, sometimes parents will stand

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behind that that one that they thought was going to

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be the golden child the whole time, but sometimes that shifts,

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you know, Sometimes they'll hold on to the golden child

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because they don't let go of that. And I think

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a little bit of it to you is that, you know, manipulation,

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of being able to manipulate the siblings, you know, because

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in these types of family dynamics, you know, the scapegoat,

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then the black Sheep and the golden Child aren't gonna

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get along. It's very hard because the only way they

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would get along is to have a conversation, multiple deep conversations,

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letting each other know that they realize the situation, understand

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the situation. And if you're in this situation right now,

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you can take this advice because you can still do it.

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You can reach out and say, hey, I understand that

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I'm the golden child and I didn't make myself. This

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is what was you know, this is what I was

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created by mom and dad. This was the situation. I

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didn't want this for me, This is not what I wanted.

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Or hey, I realize I am the black sheep and

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I haven't wanted to be the black sheep. I've been

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trying and doing all this stuff, but I've been dubbed

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this and typecast this for a long time. And having

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those conversations and being able to talk to each other,

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having that type of conversation, but usually that doesn't happen

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most of the time because of the water of the bridge,

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the anger, and the rest. Very rarely do those conversations happen,

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and so that drives a wedge between the family dynamic.

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You know, you hear the golden side. Yeah, I don't

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talk to my brother. Actually I don't talk to the

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rest of my family. You know, we don't talk. We

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don't see eye to eye. And I understand not seeing

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eye to eye with the parents. But the sad thing

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is is that they made they created separation for you

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as well, which is very challenging in its own right.

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And so that's where it's very interesting to be able

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to have that conversation and talk about that and put

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that out there in a positive way, so that we

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are able to have that conversation and change the direction

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of that relationship where it's not the parents in charge

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of their motivation and manipulation, it's you being able to

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be aware of the fact that what the manipulation was

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and being able to communicate about that manipulation so that

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everybody can begin to have a relationship together instead of

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having this relationship separated by the dynamic that the parents

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wanted to create. Stay tuned. I have more coming up

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about what happens when the black Sheep becomes the Golden

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Child and why that happens in the first place. Stay

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tuned Livert Life Perspectives with your host me Ashley Burgess,

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will be back in I'll be back this time. You

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know it. I'll be back this time in two shakes.

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This is Jake Busey and you're listening to Perspectives with

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Ashley Burgess.

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Welcome back live to Livert Life Perspectives and I'm your host,

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Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I've been talking about the

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black Sheep versus the Golden Child and what that means,

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because if you've been in one of those positions, you

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know how painful that can be on either side, especially

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when you finally realize what's been happening this whole time.

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Many of us don't realize what's happening in the family

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dynamic until much later, and then you realize, oh my gosh,

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this is what was going on the whole time, and

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there's a lot of resentment and anger toward the parents

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but also to the siblings because y'all been kind of

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divided this whole time almost in this like you know,

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silent battle with one another. And it would be great

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if you have if you do realize that you have

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been in the situation, and you realize that you have

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endured this type of situation or currently in the situation,

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having the conversations with one another, with each other's siblings

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and having that talk and putting it out there can

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go a long way to helping, you know, save these

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types of relationships, to helping making these relationships better. And

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I think that is very powerful in its own nature.

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So let's talk about this. What happens when the golden

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child doesn't become as successful as mom and dad had

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hoped for the golden child? Okay, what happens then? How

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does that work? And sometimes they'll stand behind the golden

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child no matter what, But sometimes things begin to change,

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especially especially when one of the children that might not

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have been deemed the black sheep, could have been deemed

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the black sheep, but somebody that they didn't really think about,

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one of the middle children. All the blacks you become

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super successful. Now, remember the whole concept of this is

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based on the parents wanting children that make them look good.

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It's not about necessarily the child's success for their own successes.

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It is actually based on the fact that it's about

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how do you make me look? Because you, you know,

401
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you are a spawn? I you know you're my spawn.

402
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You know I I you know you're my seed. So therefore,

403
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because you are that, I am successful adjacent to you.

404
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So I have success adjasement. You know, I'm adjacent to

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that success even though it's not mine. It's my kids.

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And I can go around saying how amazing my kid is. Look, oh,

407
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look at my kid. He's a Hollywood film star. Look

408
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at my kid. You know, he's like number one whatever.

409
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You know, you know, he's the CEO of Da Da

410
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Da Da Dad whatever it is. I can go around

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and say all that, right because and then people go, oh,

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my gosh, it's so amazing. Wow, you have such great kids.

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Oh wow, you know, and you're like, oh, yeah, you know,

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it's just it is what It's all in a day's work,

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you know, and you they begin to move and position

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themselves around the kid, now grown adult that is more successful,

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very interesting, right around the kid who is more successful.

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And it's hard when that happens because one the golden

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child's you know, attention begins to wane and change, and

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they can feel it. The parents aren't there. They're not

421
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you know, they're not all. You know, because a lot

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of times with the golden child, you know, as you

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get older, you know, you know, even when the golden

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child's in their thirties and forties, you know, the parents

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that believe that that's the golden child, they go to

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their house for the you know, for the holidays, but

427
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they miss the black They don't ever go to the

428
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black sheep's house, you know, but they all the other

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kids they don't go. You know, they make all these

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you know, they acquiesce to make sure that they're always

431
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there for the golden child, but then begin to wane.

432
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And now especially if the black sheep and it's not all.

433
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You know, you don't always have to be deemed the

434
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black sheep of the scapegoat. But you're the one that

435
00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:11.799
they didn't really put their bets on, you know, And

436
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so this could be very extreme as far as you know,

437
00:23:14.880 --> 00:23:17.319
you were the scapegoat that they blamed you for everything

438
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and that sort of thing, which is very challenging and

439
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very hurtful. Or you could be the one that they

440
00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:25.680
just didn't bet much on They didn't really think that

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much of didn't think very highly of you know, you know,

442
00:23:29.079 --> 00:23:31.920
just wasn't there for you. Definitely didn't go to your

443
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recitals or your games or anything like that. Wasn't very

444
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supportive of you. And I understand that. And it's hard

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because eventually that attention that was given to the Golden

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Child begins to move in your direction. And as it

447
00:23:47.640 --> 00:23:50.640
moves in your direction, it's a very odd feeling because

448
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you've never had it before. One very odd for some

449
00:23:54.119 --> 00:23:56.920
of us. You know, it can feel nice because I've

450
00:23:56.920 --> 00:23:59.720
never had this attention from my parents or family. Why

451
00:23:59.799 --> 00:24:02.079
you know I'm having it now. I might not ask

452
00:24:02.160 --> 00:24:04.440
questions because it's so nice because I've never had it.

453
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Some of you may get the heavy gbis from it

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because this is scary. Okay, this is a new deal.

455
00:24:09.960 --> 00:24:12.920
Why is this happening? What's the deal? What's the game?

456
00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:15.559
What's the rub? You know, I got my antenna up,

457
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you know, the hairs on the back of my necker

458
00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:21.319
standing up. Not really sure about all this, and some

459
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of you might be just a little like apathetic about

460
00:24:24.200 --> 00:24:26.240
it all. It's been a long time. Lots of water

461
00:24:26.359 --> 00:24:28.759
under the bridge, I could care less if you know,

462
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if they're calling me or not. I'm not going to

463
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return the calls as a BS. But I think that

464
00:24:33.039 --> 00:24:36.759
most people fall in into those three categories. But at

465
00:24:36.799 --> 00:24:38.680
first it can feel really good because all of a sudden,

466
00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:41.160
it's like, Wow, they actually care about me, and you

467
00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:42.920
don't really think about it. And I'm not trying to

468
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:45.160
make everybody out to be horrible people. And I get

469
00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:47.400
you know, don't get me wrong. I'm just trying to

470
00:24:47.400 --> 00:24:50.599
share some knowledge here. But if you you know, it

471
00:24:50.799 --> 00:24:53.480
was one that was dismissed quite a bit. And now

472
00:24:53.599 --> 00:24:56.720
let's say you have a really great successful job, maybe

473
00:24:56.759 --> 00:24:59.279
you're making a lot of money, Maybe you have you know,

474
00:24:59.279 --> 00:25:03.920
your public figure, maybe have a great marriage and beautiful

475
00:25:04.039 --> 00:25:06.920
kids and all this stuff, and so they're gonna want

476
00:25:06.920 --> 00:25:08.680
to get behind that. They're gonna want to get a

477
00:25:08.720 --> 00:25:10.480
part of that. They're gonna want to be a part

478
00:25:10.519 --> 00:25:12.680
of that. This is gonna be a big deal for them.

479
00:25:13.920 --> 00:25:17.000
And so in that process, they're giving you all this

480
00:25:17.079 --> 00:25:18.839
attention and you have to kind of look at that

481
00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:22.279
and analyze, you know, who, I feel comfortable with this one.

482
00:25:22.640 --> 00:25:24.480
You know, also, are we ever going to talk about

483
00:25:24.519 --> 00:25:26.759
the elephant in the room. You know, eventually, at some

484
00:25:26.920 --> 00:25:29.200
point in these situations we have to talk about the

485
00:25:29.240 --> 00:25:31.440
elephant in the room. I think you would want to

486
00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:34.240
to just get your feelings and truth out about the

487
00:25:34.279 --> 00:25:36.759
whole situation, because there is quite a bit of an

488
00:25:36.799 --> 00:25:40.039
elephant in the room and the fact that you know

489
00:25:40.240 --> 00:25:42.759
you were kind of shoved off to the side, or

490
00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:44.720
you know that you know you weren't really focused on

491
00:25:44.799 --> 00:25:47.599
while someone else was, and now that one that was

492
00:25:47.640 --> 00:25:50.319
being focused on hasn't made enough money, might not be

493
00:25:50.400 --> 00:25:53.119
able to take care of the parents in their old age,

494
00:25:53.519 --> 00:25:55.759
you know, all these types of things. All of a sudden,

495
00:25:55.839 --> 00:25:59.920
they've moved their gaze to somebody that can to someone

496
00:26:00.200 --> 00:26:03.720
that has it together, somebody that can make choices, somebody

497
00:26:03.759 --> 00:26:07.559
that's organized and successful. And so that is part of

498
00:26:07.559 --> 00:26:11.279
the interesting process of what happens, transforms and transcends throughout

499
00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:14.160
this process of the change, when the black sheet becomes

500
00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:17.319
the golden schyld, and that could be hard for the

501
00:26:17.319 --> 00:26:19.680
golden style because you've had all this attention for so long.

502
00:26:19.759 --> 00:26:22.319
Some of you might say, hey, thank god, the spotlight's

503
00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:24.519
off me. After all these years they put me through

504
00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:27.440
all this hell, and then you know. And it's interesting

505
00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:31.440
because again it goes back to what makes this parent

506
00:26:31.519 --> 00:26:34.720
feel better about themselves. It's not about you. They're not

507
00:26:34.759 --> 00:26:36.960
thinking about, oh wow, this is great. They're thinking about

508
00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:39.519
what makes them feel better about themselves. And I have

509
00:26:39.640 --> 00:26:43.079
countless examples from clients that I could go through countless

510
00:26:43.079 --> 00:26:47.480
and countless examples, but it's always interesting because you know

511
00:26:47.559 --> 00:26:50.079
how they are where they are, a professional football player,

512
00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:54.319
you know, professional actor in Hollywood, and you know, I

513
00:26:54.319 --> 00:26:58.119
had a client that you know, their mother remarried and

514
00:26:58.759 --> 00:27:02.079
you know, the the brother, you know, the I guess

515
00:27:02.119 --> 00:27:07.240
the new the step mom's you know, son is you know,

516
00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:10.079
a big Hollywood film star, and now all of a sudden,

517
00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:13.079
you know, my client had the family coming over to

518
00:27:13.119 --> 00:27:15.480
her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and now they just

519
00:27:15.519 --> 00:27:18.160
don't have time. They have to go over to the

520
00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:21.279
big Hollywood star's house, you know. And they got it,

521
00:27:21.400 --> 00:27:24.119
which is great and all, but things have really augmented

522
00:27:24.119 --> 00:27:27.240
and changed based on title, based on who they are,

523
00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:30.480
and that could be fundamentally really challenging, but it could be

524
00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:33.680
also very awakening and very It can bring a lot

525
00:27:33.680 --> 00:27:37.599
of awareness to our life, and that awareness can be

526
00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:42.519
very powerful if we use that awareness for strengthening our

527
00:27:42.599 --> 00:27:46.319
life instead of you know, creating more pain and suffering

528
00:27:46.359 --> 00:27:49.319
in our life. I also feel like having those communications

529
00:27:49.319 --> 00:27:53.319
and opening communication and being honest about our feelings is

530
00:27:53.599 --> 00:27:57.279
very powerful, and it's something that we really need to do.

531
00:27:57.359 --> 00:27:59.960
It's very powerful, and it's something we need to do

532
00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:03.880
in order to talk about our past, to have those

533
00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:07.759
conversations about our childhood and you know, as you know,

534
00:28:07.880 --> 00:28:12.799
dealing with parents that have possibly some very narcissistic tendencies, well,

535
00:28:12.799 --> 00:28:17.200
definitely narcissistic tendencies. You know, it even could be parents

536
00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:21.319
with with a lot of borderline tendencies, uh, you know,

537
00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:23.640
and there could be a mixture as well, you know,

538
00:28:23.799 --> 00:28:25.839
you know, in the cluster B dynamic, it's you know,

539
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:28.000
it's you know, I always joke around about the three

540
00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:30.200
folks sitting in the bus on the same seat. You know,

541
00:28:30.240 --> 00:28:32.640
you got three people, you know, sitting in the same

542
00:28:32.680 --> 00:28:34.559
seat on the bus. They're tiny, you know, they got

543
00:28:34.559 --> 00:28:36.240
to be tiny to fit in that little bus seat.

544
00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:38.519
But you got you know, you got BPD, MPD and

545
00:28:38.680 --> 00:28:41.599
HPD all sitting together. So they're pretty close. So they

546
00:28:41.640 --> 00:28:43.519
kind of, you know, they overlap a little bit, right,

547
00:28:43.759 --> 00:28:46.359
They overlap a little bit, so you get that kind

548
00:28:46.359 --> 00:28:49.440
of dynamic from a parent, right, you're dealing with those

549
00:28:49.480 --> 00:28:52.920
signs and symptoms, right, and they create this hierarchy of

550
00:28:53.000 --> 00:28:55.960
golden child and folks in middle, and then you got

551
00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:58.200
the black sheep because somebody's got to blame, you know,

552
00:28:58.240 --> 00:29:00.920
you got to put somebody down, right, and then you

553
00:29:00.960 --> 00:29:02.640
know you have this So when that all kind of

554
00:29:02.680 --> 00:29:04.960
juncta positions was all kind of gets you know, thrown

555
00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:09.000
on his head, it's a very interesting awareness piece that

556
00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:11.960
we all go through, that we all have to deal with.

557
00:29:12.039 --> 00:29:14.440
And then how do we accept that, how do we

558
00:29:14.559 --> 00:29:17.759
create boundaries, how do we begin to realize and see

559
00:29:18.079 --> 00:29:22.880
what's really happening? Because I think also it's nice to

560
00:29:22.920 --> 00:29:25.799
be wanted, it's nice to be looked upon, it's nice

561
00:29:25.799 --> 00:29:30.720
to be admired, it's nice. Those are nice things to have. However,

562
00:29:31.680 --> 00:29:33.759
you know, we have to see the truth, and we

563
00:29:33.799 --> 00:29:35.599
have to see what we've gone through and what we've

564
00:29:35.640 --> 00:29:37.759
experienced in the past and what we're willing and not

565
00:29:37.799 --> 00:29:40.799
willing to go through right now in our current life.

566
00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:43.480
And that's what's so powerful to understand what are we

567
00:29:43.559 --> 00:29:46.160
willing to and not willing to deal with in our

568
00:29:46.240 --> 00:29:49.319
life and that can be very powerful to us and

569
00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:53.319
very powerful information. And how do we create these boundaries?

570
00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:55.799
How do we create the boundaries in our life with

571
00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:58.160
these folks and be able to put down and the

572
00:29:58.200 --> 00:30:00.720
thing that you can't really create boundaries until you've actually

573
00:30:00.759 --> 00:30:04.799
had conversations, you know, speaking in a positive way, speaking

574
00:30:04.839 --> 00:30:07.880
about our truth, putting it out there. How do we

575
00:30:07.960 --> 00:30:09.640
do that? You know, it's about bringing up, you know,

576
00:30:09.680 --> 00:30:11.279
how we felt, but it has to be in a

577
00:30:11.319 --> 00:30:13.920
non accusatory way to be able to get the point

578
00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:15.839
across and get other people to listen to us in

579
00:30:15.880 --> 00:30:21.839
the process. However, sometimes that's easier said than done. And so,

580
00:30:22.480 --> 00:30:24.400
you know, when we're dealing with this change, you know,

581
00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:27.200
whether you're the golden child now kind of no longer

582
00:30:27.279 --> 00:30:30.480
on that pedestal, or now you're the you know, where

583
00:30:30.559 --> 00:30:32.519
the black sheep or kind of the middle kid that

584
00:30:32.599 --> 00:30:35.319
you know was kind of somewhat neglected and now you

585
00:30:35.359 --> 00:30:37.599
have the spotlight on you. How do you deal with

586
00:30:37.640 --> 00:30:40.240
that new interest? How do you deal with that situation?

587
00:30:40.319 --> 00:30:43.160
But also how do you put out your truth? And

588
00:30:43.359 --> 00:30:47.200
also understanding that this whole dynamic was created by your parents,

589
00:30:47.240 --> 00:30:50.279
whether it's your mother or your father or both, or

590
00:30:50.279 --> 00:30:53.160
whoever raised you was created by this. This dynamic was

591
00:30:53.200 --> 00:30:56.519
created by them. It wasn't created by you. It wasn't

592
00:30:56.559 --> 00:30:59.240
created by your siblings. And so being able to understand

593
00:30:59.279 --> 00:31:01.240
that that you did nothing wrong to aid and a

594
00:31:01.279 --> 00:31:03.240
bet in this. Even if you're the golden child, it's

595
00:31:03.240 --> 00:31:05.799
not like you made yourself the golden child. It's just

596
00:31:05.839 --> 00:31:09.079
not the way it works, okay. And if you're the

597
00:31:09.079 --> 00:31:11.680
black sheep, it's not like you did something to become

598
00:31:11.720 --> 00:31:14.759
the black sheep. Usually it's it's just it's just kind

599
00:31:14.799 --> 00:31:17.160
of an automatic thing that they figure out and they

600
00:31:17.200 --> 00:31:20.039
define and they go by that and they decide to

601
00:31:20.079 --> 00:31:23.880
operate from that position. And that's that's always very it's

602
00:31:23.920 --> 00:31:27.279
always very sad because it's it's kind of like arbitrary.

603
00:31:27.920 --> 00:31:31.079
And then it's just based on their perception, which I

604
00:31:31.079 --> 00:31:34.279
think perception is always skewed most of the time. Perception

605
00:31:34.359 --> 00:31:36.480
is very skewed because it's based on what we think

606
00:31:36.519 --> 00:31:40.200
we know or past experience is a limited knowledge base

607
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:45.200
and assumptions and assumptions really don't get us anywhere at all.

608
00:31:45.519 --> 00:31:48.480
Anytime you bet anything on assumptions, you're probably not betting

609
00:31:48.519 --> 00:31:50.559
on the right deal. So it's these things that we

610
00:31:50.640 --> 00:31:54.880
have to think of and acknowledge in the process. So

611
00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:56.920
really thinking about that, you know, and if you have

612
00:31:57.039 --> 00:31:59.960
been the black sheep forever, you know, this is a

613
00:32:00.039 --> 00:32:02.720
painful place to be at. Many black sheep that never

614
00:32:02.759 --> 00:32:06.599
become the golden child suffer because they're always you know,

615
00:32:06.640 --> 00:32:09.599
they're always pretty much blamed or they're not looked at

616
00:32:09.680 --> 00:32:13.119
or respected. And in those situations when we deal with that,

617
00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:16.160
you know about you know, it's about having those conversations

618
00:32:16.200 --> 00:32:18.400
and then if they're falling on deaf ears, it's about

619
00:32:18.440 --> 00:32:21.519
you know, dividing ourselves and doing what we have to

620
00:32:21.559 --> 00:32:25.000
do to safeguard ourselves and being able to see, you know,

621
00:32:25.039 --> 00:32:27.559
that our value isn't dependent on what they think. Our

622
00:32:27.680 --> 00:32:29.599
value is dependent on them. We don't, you know, we

623
00:32:29.640 --> 00:32:33.920
don't depend on them to define our value, even though

624
00:32:33.960 --> 00:32:36.400
they are our parents. And that's what's so hard is

625
00:32:36.400 --> 00:32:38.960
that that's where the rub is is that our parents

626
00:32:39.000 --> 00:32:40.960
are supposed to be comforting and helpful to us, but

627
00:32:41.039 --> 00:32:43.279
yet they've done this to us. And this can be

628
00:32:43.319 --> 00:32:46.839
such a real problem because we actually believe that they're

629
00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:51.200
there for us and helpful and they're not, and and

630
00:32:51.200 --> 00:32:54.079
and that's where, you know, things kind of fall apart

631
00:32:54.279 --> 00:32:57.640
because it's hard to see our parents as not being

632
00:32:57.640 --> 00:32:59.200
helpful like when we when we were you know, when

633
00:32:59.240 --> 00:33:00.799
we come out of the womb. It's not like we

634
00:33:01.160 --> 00:33:05.920
automatically know that these people have you know, psychological issues

635
00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:08.559
and hang ups and various things. It's you know, you

636
00:33:08.640 --> 00:33:10.680
wish that they wouldn't have had children. You know, you

637
00:33:10.680 --> 00:33:12.599
wish you would have gone into a family where there

638
00:33:12.680 --> 00:33:15.920
was just you know, just a better dynamic, you know,

639
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:20.119
and and and having that kind of that positive environment

640
00:33:20.160 --> 00:33:22.960
and feedback by people that you know, you know, at

641
00:33:23.000 --> 00:33:25.720
the very worst is codependent in nature, you know, and

642
00:33:26.119 --> 00:33:28.839
you know, or helicopter parents, but not like this. And

643
00:33:29.160 --> 00:33:31.319
so unfortunately we don't get to pick our parents, and

644
00:33:31.359 --> 00:33:33.680
we don't get that we well we maybe we did actually,

645
00:33:33.720 --> 00:33:36.279
but in this lifetime we don't remember picking them for

646
00:33:36.319 --> 00:33:38.400
whatever reason we picked them for maybe to make our

647
00:33:38.440 --> 00:33:41.920
life hard. And we have to overcome these challenges and

648
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:44.279
pains in our life based on our childhood and see

649
00:33:44.279 --> 00:33:46.920
how success will become. Maybe you know, I believe that

650
00:33:48.200 --> 00:33:50.599
sometimes the most challenged you know, childhood is based on

651
00:33:50.599 --> 00:33:53.680
the strongest the souls coming into this environment. You know,

652
00:33:53.759 --> 00:33:55.440
so we got to think about that. So when I

653
00:33:55.480 --> 00:33:57.759
were trying to be talking more about this about the Goldshaw,

654
00:33:58.519 --> 00:34:01.759
the Black Sheep escape, goat what better? Yet? You know

655
00:34:01.839 --> 00:34:03.680
the dynamic? And how do we move forward in our

656
00:34:03.720 --> 00:34:06.559
own life? How do we let this go? How do

657
00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:10.360
we still communicate and have conversations and still somewhat there

658
00:34:10.800 --> 00:34:14.039
but separate ourselves from any more pain and suffering and

659
00:34:14.119 --> 00:34:16.760
be able to see the real reasons for these actions

660
00:34:16.840 --> 00:34:19.480
by these people, because once we can see it, we

661
00:34:19.559 --> 00:34:22.400
can't unsee it. Once we see why people do what

662
00:34:22.440 --> 00:34:25.119
they do. Yes, you can lie to yourself, you can

663
00:34:25.159 --> 00:34:27.880
do all these things, but you can't really unsee it.

664
00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:30.000
And I think it's very powerful once we see it

665
00:34:30.280 --> 00:34:34.480
to understand motivation. Once we understand motivation doesn't make it right.

666
00:34:34.519 --> 00:34:36.679
But we know why somebody did it, then we know

667
00:34:36.719 --> 00:34:38.760
that we're the victim here. Even if you're the Golden

668
00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:41.800
Child or the black Sheep, you are the victim because

669
00:34:41.800 --> 00:34:44.039
it wasn't your choice. I don't think even I don't

670
00:34:44.039 --> 00:34:47.039
think any golden children wanted to be this person where

671
00:34:47.079 --> 00:34:49.000
everybody else hated them in the family. I just don't

672
00:34:49.039 --> 00:34:51.119
think that they signed up for that, you know, I

673
00:34:51.159 --> 00:34:53.320
don't and I know that the black Sheep didn't sign

674
00:34:53.360 --> 00:34:55.480
up for that, so we have to think about it

675
00:34:55.519 --> 00:34:58.000
from that perspective. If you haven't already, check out the

676
00:34:58.079 --> 00:35:03.159
new updated website www dot Ashley Burgess dot com, actulely

677
00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:05.480
b E r g e S dot com Ashley A

678
00:35:05.519 --> 00:35:08.960
S H l e Y the original spelling b E

679
00:35:09.079 --> 00:35:11.679
r g e S. Check out the new website. It's

680
00:35:11.719 --> 00:35:14.840
been renovated. And set up a coaching session today. You can.

681
00:35:15.079 --> 00:35:16.920
You can, you know, you can actually set up your

682
00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:20.320
coaching session right online and you can do it from

683
00:35:20.360 --> 00:35:22.559
the ease of your own home. So stay tuned. New

684
00:35:22.639 --> 00:35:27.039
videos up on YouTube, Facebook, uh and all social medias

685
00:35:27.079 --> 00:35:29.840
every week liver True Life Perspectives with your host Media

686
00:35:29.840 --> 00:35:32.039
Ashley Burgess, will be right back. We'll be back this

687
00:35:32.159 --> 00:35:33.519
time into shakes.

688
00:35:45.480 --> 00:35:49.639
Get in here. You're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

689
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:54.159
Welcome back live to liver Tree Life Perspectives and I'm

690
00:35:54.199 --> 00:35:57.320
your host, Ashley Burgess. You know, whether you're the black sheep,

691
00:35:57.400 --> 00:35:59.320
somebody you know, one of the siblings in the middle,

692
00:35:59.440 --> 00:36:02.039
or the golden child being raised by the family dynamic.

693
00:36:02.840 --> 00:36:05.719
Being able to see the situation, understand clearly why this

694
00:36:05.880 --> 00:36:08.039
was created, and then understanding the fact that you are

695
00:36:08.039 --> 00:36:11.519
a victim of the situation, but also not victimizing ourselves,

696
00:36:11.519 --> 00:36:14.400
but overcoming putting boundaries and being able to be honest

697
00:36:14.440 --> 00:36:17.880
about the situation and moving forward. And I find that

698
00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:20.960
it's like, we have to remove the need to be

699
00:36:21.079 --> 00:36:25.039
accepted or admired by our parents. We have to just

700
00:36:25.239 --> 00:36:27.840
remove that from the situation. And if we're able to

701
00:36:27.960 --> 00:36:32.320
remove that from the situation, we can move forward within

702
00:36:32.400 --> 00:36:35.039
our lives. It's so powerful, and we have to work

703
00:36:35.039 --> 00:36:37.400
on that by seeing our own value, by creating our

704
00:36:37.440 --> 00:36:40.719
own direction, by creating our boundaries with these folks, by

705
00:36:40.840 --> 00:36:44.480
believing in ourselves, by working on that belief that's a

706
00:36:44.480 --> 00:36:48.159
big deal. By working on that belief, and as we

707
00:36:48.239 --> 00:36:51.519
work on that belief and we see our value within,

708
00:36:51.800 --> 00:36:56.559
it's so powerful to really drive that home. It's very

709
00:36:56.599 --> 00:36:59.719
powerful to drive that home and to really focus on

710
00:36:59.760 --> 00:37:03.719
that direction. And as you go from here, foth whether

711
00:37:03.800 --> 00:37:06.039
you're the black sheep still it's like taking, you know,

712
00:37:06.039 --> 00:37:08.960
putting it, you know, having those conversations. If that hasn't worked, okay,

713
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:11.599
if it has work, you can change the dynamic between

714
00:37:11.639 --> 00:37:14.119
the family. If it hasn't worked. Putting up those boundaries,

715
00:37:14.519 --> 00:37:17.079
working to be better in your own family dynamic with

716
00:37:17.239 --> 00:37:19.039
you know, when you've had kids, and really making sure

717
00:37:19.039 --> 00:37:22.000
that you know you've been responsible about that, really looking

718
00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:24.039
at your value and really bringing up those kids in

719
00:37:24.039 --> 00:37:26.480
an equal manner, you know, the golden style of the

720
00:37:26.519 --> 00:37:28.920
same thing. It's like being able to focus and changing,

721
00:37:29.559 --> 00:37:33.000
changing the problems from yesterday, getting rid of those problems,

722
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:35.639
you know, not bringing them into your current life. Not

723
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:40.480
following the status quo with the family dynamic is so powerful.

724
00:37:41.360 --> 00:37:46.199
Not following that family dynamic pattern and letting go of

725
00:37:46.239 --> 00:37:50.760
their responsibilities and the psychological disorder type things that create

726
00:37:50.840 --> 00:37:53.400
these realities because like I was saying, you know, when

727
00:37:53.440 --> 00:37:57.000
you're dealing with family mother and father or mother or

728
00:37:57.039 --> 00:38:00.159
father who are extremely narcissistic and very self centered, it's

729
00:38:00.199 --> 00:38:02.480
all about them. They're going to create this type of

730
00:38:02.519 --> 00:38:05.760
structure in the family dynamic and it's going to create

731
00:38:05.880 --> 00:38:09.639
negativity and it's not worth it because everybody's the victim

732
00:38:09.639 --> 00:38:12.559
in this except for them. And so if things have

733
00:38:12.800 --> 00:38:15.000
changed and you have become the golden child, really look

734
00:38:15.039 --> 00:38:16.719
at that. Is this something that I really want or

735
00:38:16.719 --> 00:38:18.679
do I want to really step out of this. It

736
00:38:18.800 --> 00:38:21.079
might feel good for a little while, but also it's like,

737
00:38:21.119 --> 00:38:22.920
you know, I've been wanting this type of attention for

738
00:38:22.960 --> 00:38:24.639
a long time and I haven't gotten it, and now

739
00:38:24.639 --> 00:38:27.079
I'm getting it. Do I really want it? Is this

740
00:38:27.199 --> 00:38:29.239
real though, too? Or is this based on the fact

741
00:38:29.239 --> 00:38:30.840
of what they think that I can do or help

742
00:38:30.880 --> 00:38:33.559
them with in the future, you know, as well as

743
00:38:33.599 --> 00:38:36.199
looking at the anger and animosity and resentment that we

744
00:38:36.280 --> 00:38:38.679
have toward our other family members. You know, it was

745
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:41.119
a lot of that predicated by the dynamic that was

746
00:38:41.159 --> 00:38:43.599
created by the parents. Can I have a conversation with

747
00:38:43.639 --> 00:38:45.800
my sister or brother now and see if we can

748
00:38:45.840 --> 00:38:48.760
open the line of communication, share what I know about

749
00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:51.239
you know, the scapegoat, the black sheep, the folks in

750
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:52.800
the center, you know, the ones that are not really

751
00:38:52.840 --> 00:38:54.800
looked at, as well as the golden child. Can we

752
00:38:54.880 --> 00:38:57.760
have that conversation where I show that I'm not judging

753
00:38:57.760 --> 00:39:00.519
the situation on them, but I'm showing how I understand

754
00:39:00.559 --> 00:39:04.000
the dynamic. And let's talk about the dynamic freely and

755
00:39:04.079 --> 00:39:07.639
try to create a relationship as adults now in a

756
00:39:07.679 --> 00:39:10.079
new realm and new way of thinking, which is very

757
00:39:10.159 --> 00:39:12.639
valuable and it can go a long way because even

758
00:39:12.639 --> 00:39:15.280
if you haven't been close growing up, because of this,

759
00:39:15.519 --> 00:39:19.159
you can create closer relationships that can actually change your

760
00:39:19.159 --> 00:39:21.480
life forever in a very positive way. And I think

761
00:39:21.519 --> 00:39:24.119
that anytime we have the ability to do that, let's

762
00:39:24.119 --> 00:39:25.880
do it. And then if you try and it falls

763
00:39:25.880 --> 00:39:27.840
on deaf fears, and you try again, it falls on

764
00:39:27.920 --> 00:39:30.239
dead fears. Okay, I mean, but I think you got

765
00:39:30.280 --> 00:39:31.840
to give it. You got to give it a good try,

766
00:39:31.920 --> 00:39:33.599
because you know, you don't want to feel like, oh

767
00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:35.159
if I would have just tried harder, a would have

768
00:39:35.159 --> 00:39:37.079
worked out. But we also don't want to be codependent

769
00:39:37.079 --> 00:39:39.280
and think it all rests on us, because it doesn't

770
00:39:39.320 --> 00:39:41.599
rest on us. We don't want to take all the blame.

771
00:39:41.639 --> 00:39:43.480
But yet we do want to try to put ourselves

772
00:39:43.519 --> 00:39:46.239
out there to make things right. I think, just because

773
00:39:46.280 --> 00:39:48.920
it should matter to us to some degree, just to

774
00:39:48.960 --> 00:39:50.599
put it out there. And so if you're dealing with

775
00:39:50.639 --> 00:39:52.119
either one of these, I'd love to hear from you.

776
00:39:52.159 --> 00:39:54.079
I'd love to hear some feedback from you if you

777
00:39:54.119 --> 00:39:55.920
want to reach out to me. I also would like

778
00:39:56.000 --> 00:39:58.559
to do a show with you know, real life, you know,

779
00:39:58.639 --> 00:40:00.800
Black Sheep as well as real Life Golden Children and

780
00:40:00.800 --> 00:40:04.000
having these conversations about how it feels and the dynamic

781
00:40:04.039 --> 00:40:05.960
and what you've dealt with growing up and through that

782
00:40:06.119 --> 00:40:08.519
as far as into your adulthood as well. You can

783
00:40:08.559 --> 00:40:11.480
go on Asleyburgs dot com, click on the contact page

784
00:40:11.480 --> 00:40:13.599
and send me a message. You can also go to

785
00:40:13.639 --> 00:40:16.280
YouTube go to Life Coach Ashley Burgess. There's a contact

786
00:40:16.320 --> 00:40:19.480
there and send me a message via email there as well.

787
00:40:19.519 --> 00:40:21.920
I'd love to hear some feedback from you. Or you

788
00:40:21.960 --> 00:40:24.719
can go to Instagram go to at Ashley Burgess and

789
00:40:24.760 --> 00:40:27.639
send me a direct message. I hope that this show

790
00:40:27.679 --> 00:40:31.159
has helped and has inspired you to have those conversations,

791
00:40:31.320 --> 00:40:33.679
you know, to be aware of these types of boundaries

792
00:40:33.679 --> 00:40:36.320
that need to be created, to know why the situation

793
00:40:36.480 --> 00:40:39.320
took place, you know, in the very beginning, and how

794
00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:43.119
to really go from there and understand that situation. Because

795
00:40:43.480 --> 00:40:47.519
knowledge is power. And also once we take away, you know,

796
00:40:47.639 --> 00:40:53.239
the power that the parents have over us, we gain

797
00:40:53.320 --> 00:40:55.920
back our power and we also put it within ourselves

798
00:40:55.960 --> 00:40:59.360
to grow ourselves, not based on how they feel about

799
00:40:59.400 --> 00:41:01.719
us or how they felt about us, but based on

800
00:41:01.840 --> 00:41:05.840
how and what we've created for ourselves and really focusing

801
00:41:06.119 --> 00:41:10.079
on that value and that's what's so important. Stay tuned.

802
00:41:10.119 --> 00:41:11.800
I'll have another show for you up in the next

803
00:41:11.880 --> 00:41:14.639
few days. Check out the latest videos on YouTube and

804
00:41:14.719 --> 00:41:17.920
Facebook and all of their social media's and I hope

805
00:41:17.920 --> 00:41:20.719
that this content is connecting with you. Please share with

806
00:41:20.760 --> 00:41:22.960
family and friends and anybody that you know needs to

807
00:41:23.000 --> 00:41:26.239
hear this message. Stay tuned, leave your two life perspectives

808
00:41:26.239 --> 00:41:28.639
with your host me. Ashley Burgers will be back in well,

809
00:41:28.679 --> 00:41:30.559
you know I'll be back this time. I'll be back

810
00:41:30.599 --> 00:41:34.000
at this time in three shakes,