Dec. 11, 2024

Are you a Victim of Narcissistic Future Faking and False Hope? [Ep.781]

Are you a Victim of Narcissistic Future Faking and False Hope? [Ep.781]

False hope makes you more vulnerable to manipulation and emotional triggers from a narcissist. Understanding how false hope works is crucial otherwise, it often leads us to lose our identity and life goals. The narcissist will use future faking in an...

Apple Podcasts podcast player iconSpotify podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player icon
Apple Podcasts podcast player iconSpotify podcast player iconRSS Feed podcast player icon

False hope makes you more vulnerable to manipulation and emotional triggers from a narcissist. Understanding how false hope works is crucial otherwise, it often leads us to lose our identity and life goals. The narcissist will use future faking in an attempt to manipulate and control you, making promises that will never be fulfilled. Once we can recognize what is happening, we can then safeguard ourselves and move forward in a healthier life and direction.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-ashley-berges-show--1272964/support.

WEBVTT

1
00:00:06.679 --> 00:00:09.199
You're in a good place. Now. You are listening to

2
00:00:09.279 --> 00:00:11.320
Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

3
00:00:13.480 --> 00:00:15.880
Welcome back live to liter Ature Life Perspectives, and I'm

4
00:00:15.880 --> 00:00:19.120
your host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I want to

5
00:00:19.160 --> 00:00:23.559
talk about narcissism, false hope, and how false hope makes

6
00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:27.359
you more vulnerable in the relationship, more vulnerable to manipulation

7
00:00:27.679 --> 00:00:34.600
and being triggered. Narcissists are extremely well versed with the

8
00:00:34.719 --> 00:00:41.119
concept of false hope, giving you the hope believing that

9
00:00:41.240 --> 00:00:44.880
this relationship is going to be amazing. And I'm not

10
00:00:45.000 --> 00:00:50.799
just talking about romantic relationships. I'm also talking about family relationship, boss,

11
00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:54.600
an employee relationship. This can all happen in these types

12
00:00:54.600 --> 00:00:58.880
of relationships. And the false hope is very important to

13
00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:03.119
understand because in the process of dealing with false hope,

14
00:01:03.679 --> 00:01:09.840
we begin to lose ourselves. Now, the narcissist is trying

15
00:01:09.840 --> 00:01:11.359
to get something from you.

16
00:01:11.239 --> 00:01:13.280
In the now and the here and now.

17
00:01:13.680 --> 00:01:16.840
They want something from you right now over a course

18
00:01:16.840 --> 00:01:20.480
of time. Right makes sense. And in the process of

19
00:01:20.519 --> 00:01:24.040
wanting something now, they promise you the moon, the stars,

20
00:01:24.159 --> 00:01:27.920
the galaxy and how amazing it is, and they create

21
00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:34.079
a different type of reality. And in that process, they

22
00:01:34.280 --> 00:01:39.200
are able to get you to tell them about your past,

23
00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:47.280
tell them about your weaknesses. They portray themselves as your hero,

24
00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:53.040
your savior, whatever. And in the process of creating that

25
00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:58.359
basically what I would consider false narrative, you begin to

26
00:01:58.439 --> 00:02:00.760
tell them everything that they want to know. Oh, you

27
00:02:00.840 --> 00:02:03.439
supply them with all the information that they can later

28
00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:07.239
use to get supply from you. You supply them with

29
00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:10.240
the information that they need to manipulate.

30
00:02:09.639 --> 00:02:12.719
And control you, all not knowing because.

31
00:02:12.439 --> 00:02:17.719
They appear to be this doting, amazing, caring person that's

32
00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:22.159
doing this for you. And in the process, as I

33
00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:26.400
was saying in the previous podcast in seven seventy eight,

34
00:02:26.479 --> 00:02:32.280
we talked about the narcissists and and and the things

35
00:02:32.319 --> 00:02:35.520
that they do and the things that they say they

36
00:02:35.599 --> 00:02:38.800
do to make you feel sorry for them. So, for example,

37
00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:43.280
I was talking about the false sacrifices, the false sacrifices

38
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:45.919
that they Oh, I made all these sacrifices for you.

39
00:02:45.840 --> 00:02:47.400
I did all this stuff for you.

40
00:02:47.479 --> 00:02:49.919
Remember when I did this or I did that, you know,

41
00:02:50.199 --> 00:02:53.000
Remember when I didn't take that job so I could

42
00:02:53.039 --> 00:02:55.520
help you deal with your you know, your sick puppy,

43
00:02:55.639 --> 00:02:58.159
or remember when I did this and I didn't do that,

44
00:02:58.240 --> 00:03:00.479
or I could have taken those trips with my friends

45
00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:03.400
and I didn't go because you needed my help, or

46
00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:05.479
I wanted to be there with you. And then later

47
00:03:05.560 --> 00:03:08.840
on they use all these things to try to create

48
00:03:08.919 --> 00:03:12.199
this reality that they're there for you, when in reality

49
00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:14.400
they're really not. And they were using these things because

50
00:03:14.439 --> 00:03:17.000
most of the time these things were not really real.

51
00:03:17.439 --> 00:03:20.199
There was no other job, there was no trip, and

52
00:03:20.240 --> 00:03:23.479
if it was, it wasn't something they wanted to do anyway. Remember,

53
00:03:23.840 --> 00:03:26.439
the narcissist isn't going to do you know, They're going

54
00:03:26.479 --> 00:03:27.800
to do what they want to do. They're not just

55
00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:29.560
going to stop doing what they want to do just

56
00:03:29.599 --> 00:03:32.000
to help you out. So remember that. That's one of

57
00:03:32.039 --> 00:03:34.680
the biggest things is the narcissists will always take the bigger,

58
00:03:34.719 --> 00:03:38.400
better deal. They're not going to do something or sacrifice

59
00:03:38.439 --> 00:03:42.879
for you. They're only going to sacrifice for you in theory.

60
00:03:43.120 --> 00:03:46.400
So it's in theory that they're sacrificing. It's it's a

61
00:03:46.439 --> 00:03:52.520
false flag, false narrative that they are creating. Okay, So

62
00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:57.000
one of the most interesting things about false hope and

63
00:03:57.159 --> 00:04:00.360
the narcissists, which I think is interesting, is that they

64
00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:04.520
fake a future with you to create the illusion that

65
00:04:04.560 --> 00:04:08.759
they have strong interests, that there's deep emotional ties and

66
00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:14.400
there's high investment. Okay, and you start believing this hook

67
00:04:14.400 --> 00:04:16.839
line and sinker that they have invested all this time

68
00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:19.639
and energy into it, and so you start putting more

69
00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:23.120
and more of your time and energy into it, thinking

70
00:04:23.160 --> 00:04:26.879
as though, yes, this is real, but it's really unfortunately not.

71
00:04:29.079 --> 00:04:31.079
They want to make you believe this.

72
00:04:32.680 --> 00:04:37.120
They will also feed you lies based on what they

73
00:04:37.160 --> 00:04:42.560
believe that you want, what they believe that you need,

74
00:04:43.399 --> 00:04:45.199
what they believe in the situation.

75
00:04:45.319 --> 00:04:49.040
It's very very powerful. It's very very powerful.

76
00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:52.600
And that's where I want us to really look at

77
00:04:52.839 --> 00:04:53.680
as we.

78
00:04:55.279 --> 00:04:56.879
As we go through this process.

79
00:04:58.040 --> 00:05:00.759
That's what I want us to look at as we

80
00:05:00.839 --> 00:05:06.519
go through this process and understand what the false narrative.

81
00:05:08.040 --> 00:05:09.759
Is exactly. And so that's what it is.

82
00:05:09.759 --> 00:05:13.160
So they've created this false narrative for you, and they

83
00:05:13.199 --> 00:05:16.839
have gone through that process with you. You begin to

84
00:05:16.879 --> 00:05:19.800
believe this narrative. They make you more and more vulnerable.

85
00:05:19.800 --> 00:05:22.319
And see, the thing is is that when you're future faking,

86
00:05:23.240 --> 00:05:27.639
when you're future faking, that's the concept. So like you

87
00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:31.560
are creating this false reality, this false future with a

88
00:05:31.560 --> 00:05:34.439
lot of illusion of all this stuff working out, lots

89
00:05:34.439 --> 00:05:38.680
of grandeur, lots of stuff happening. The perception of reality

90
00:05:38.800 --> 00:05:42.600
is not real. It's distorted. We are facing a reality

91
00:05:42.879 --> 00:05:44.920
that the narcissist is creating.

92
00:05:44.519 --> 00:05:45.759
That is not reality.

93
00:05:46.160 --> 00:05:48.759
But they're creating this to make you feel a certain way.

94
00:05:48.800 --> 00:05:51.519
They're creating this to make you feel and for you

95
00:05:51.600 --> 00:05:54.680
to give more and more and more and more. So

96
00:05:54.720 --> 00:05:58.480
these are always very interesting aspects of the future faking

97
00:05:58.839 --> 00:06:01.600
and then they create to The interesting part about it

98
00:06:01.639 --> 00:06:04.519
is like your needs, Like they figure out kind of

99
00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:08.600
what you need, and then they kind of pray.

100
00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:10.519
Upon that.

101
00:06:10.839 --> 00:06:14.639
They pray upon that, and an effort for you to

102
00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:17.199
believe hook line and sincer that this is the end

103
00:06:17.279 --> 00:06:20.519
all be all to your life. This is the perfect person,

104
00:06:20.600 --> 00:06:24.480
this is your soulmate. Now I'm not agreeing across the

105
00:06:24.519 --> 00:06:26.879
board that every narcissist says, oh my god, let me

106
00:06:26.920 --> 00:06:28.839
tell you about soulmates, but it's one of the things

107
00:06:28.839 --> 00:06:30.439
that they use, Oh, I feel like we've known each

108
00:06:30.439 --> 00:06:33.639
other in a past life. Oh, I think you're my soulmate.

109
00:06:33.800 --> 00:06:35.959
And they'll use all these little kind of tricks and

110
00:06:36.000 --> 00:06:37.959
teases and stuff like that to make you believe this

111
00:06:38.040 --> 00:06:42.279
false reality. Now, this is all fine and dandy, right,

112
00:06:42.319 --> 00:06:44.120
this is all fine and dandy, but at the same

113
00:06:44.160 --> 00:06:47.199
point in time, it's one thing for us to hear

114
00:06:47.279 --> 00:06:48.600
it and go, oh, that's interesting.

115
00:06:48.600 --> 00:06:50.639
It's another thing for us to believe it. Now.

116
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:54.519
A narcissist will go that extra mile, okay in creating

117
00:06:54.560 --> 00:06:59.800
the false reality, starting with the love bombing, having all

118
00:06:59.879 --> 00:07:03.720
that love bombing and in the beginning right because and

119
00:07:03.959 --> 00:07:06.040
then the false sacrifices. See, that's the biggest thing that

120
00:07:06.040 --> 00:07:08.560
I was talking about in the previous episode, was you

121
00:07:08.560 --> 00:07:13.360
know that there's all these false sacrifices, fake sacrifices, made

122
00:07:13.399 --> 00:07:16.040
up stories of the things that they've done to help you, right,

123
00:07:16.279 --> 00:07:19.439
and how they've made themselves more grandiose, how they've made

124
00:07:19.480 --> 00:07:23.360
themselves more at your disposal, there to help you. And

125
00:07:23.399 --> 00:07:25.240
you couldn't have done any of this without them. You know,

126
00:07:25.480 --> 00:07:28.319
you're literally you know you need them to hold your

127
00:07:28.360 --> 00:07:31.079
life together. And remember one of the biggest lies that

128
00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:34.360
they will that they will create within you by their manipulation,

129
00:07:34.480 --> 00:07:37.319
control and triggering, is to act as though you are

130
00:07:37.399 --> 00:07:41.000
not special, to act as though they don't need you,

131
00:07:41.319 --> 00:07:44.120
to act as though you need them, right, because it's

132
00:07:44.160 --> 00:07:47.879
all about you needing them for their manipulation to work.

133
00:07:47.920 --> 00:07:53.519
Their manipulation and control doesn't work unless you believe that

134
00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:56.160
you need them. I know, I'm passionate about this because

135
00:07:56.199 --> 00:07:58.560
this is some real stuff here, right, This is real

136
00:07:59.279 --> 00:08:03.879
and this is how they manipulate you to get you

137
00:08:03.959 --> 00:08:07.079
to do what they want you to do. They're very

138
00:08:07.079 --> 00:08:09.639
good at it. They're very, very very good at it.

139
00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:14.639
And so what I'm saying to you is this, as

140
00:08:14.680 --> 00:08:18.480
long as you begin to see through the fakery, okay,

141
00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:22.360
And I call this fakery because it is fakery. The

142
00:08:22.519 --> 00:08:33.639
entire concept of the manipulation is based on fakery, faking reality,

143
00:08:34.279 --> 00:08:43.519
faking the future, faking what they come to the table with.

144
00:08:45.960 --> 00:08:52.279
And that is so important too, is because they can

145
00:08:52.360 --> 00:08:56.320
have this false reality that you meet them with.

146
00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:00.240
So you meet them and they've created.

147
00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:04.360
This falsehood of who they are, and it's perfect because

148
00:09:04.360 --> 00:09:07.559
it probably feeds right into you, know what you're needing

149
00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:10.159
because of your vulnerability. And see, the thing is is

150
00:09:10.279 --> 00:09:13.440
that they start asking you questions as they're love bombing you,

151
00:09:14.600 --> 00:09:17.480
they start asking you questions about your life, and they're

152
00:09:17.600 --> 00:09:18.639
very kind.

153
00:09:18.519 --> 00:09:22.279
And they seem very helpful. And you know all and.

154
00:09:22.200 --> 00:09:24.960
It's like you're, oh, wow, I'm getting all this attention

155
00:09:25.080 --> 00:09:27.759
and this person really cares about me, and oh my god,

156
00:09:27.840 --> 00:09:31.440
this is amazing and I haven't felt like this, and YadA, YadA, YadA.

157
00:09:31.440 --> 00:09:34.840
And in your vulnerable states, and you know what I'm

158
00:09:34.840 --> 00:09:38.360
talking about, in your vulnerable states, you begin to reveal

159
00:09:38.519 --> 00:09:42.080
things about yourself that not only can they use later,

160
00:09:42.159 --> 00:09:45.279
and they will use later to manipulate and control you.

161
00:09:45.360 --> 00:09:47.519
For sure. Yes, remember that that happens.

162
00:09:47.559 --> 00:09:50.720
So if you've just entered a relationship and you don't

163
00:09:50.720 --> 00:09:52.480
know what's up yet, because you won't know for a

164
00:09:52.480 --> 00:09:54.600
while because the mask doesn't come off for a while,

165
00:09:54.879 --> 00:09:59.440
hold those things to yourself. Keep things close to your

166
00:09:59.559 --> 00:10:04.399
chest that still emotionally trigger you with anybody, even in

167
00:10:04.480 --> 00:10:08.240
a relationship at work or a friendship. I'm telling you,

168
00:10:08.279 --> 00:10:13.080
I can't harp on this enough. Okay, If you found

169
00:10:13.120 --> 00:10:17.039
a real friend over time, you'll know it. If you've

170
00:10:17.080 --> 00:10:21.759
found a real great relationship romantic relationship over time, you

171
00:10:21.840 --> 00:10:25.279
will know it. But in the first few months, don't

172
00:10:25.679 --> 00:10:28.399
don't expose yourself with things that you haven't worked through.

173
00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:32.399
Don't get there. Don't go there. And if you already have.

174
00:10:32.519 --> 00:10:34.320
For most of you that are listening to this podcast,

175
00:10:34.360 --> 00:10:36.600
you've already gone there, right, And I understand that that's

176
00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:41.720
why you're listening, probably more often than not. But if

177
00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:43.759
you haven't gone there, don't If you have gone there,

178
00:10:43.759 --> 00:10:46.000
and then continue, you know, continue here, because this is

179
00:10:46.000 --> 00:10:48.120
where we're going. Because what's happened though, is they made

180
00:10:48.159 --> 00:10:51.000
you vulnerable because in those times, you share with them

181
00:10:51.120 --> 00:10:54.320
things that you hadn't shared with other people, and they're

182
00:10:54.399 --> 00:10:56.159
later on going to use it. But not only are

183
00:10:56.159 --> 00:10:58.519
they going to use that to manipulate you later and

184
00:10:58.679 --> 00:11:01.399
to gaslight you and trigger you, and it gets supply.

185
00:11:02.120 --> 00:11:05.519
First off, they're going to create this illusion of what

186
00:11:05.639 --> 00:11:11.120
they bring to you, who they are to you, Okay,

187
00:11:11.559 --> 00:11:13.639
And that's very important understand.

188
00:11:14.840 --> 00:11:16.159
That's very important understand.

189
00:11:17.440 --> 00:11:22.159
And you know, I it's interesting because you know, they

190
00:11:22.200 --> 00:11:24.279
will paint a picture of being, Oh, I'm going to

191
00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:28.399
eventually be this very powerful lawyer and I can financially

192
00:11:28.440 --> 00:11:30.600
take care of you. And I know that you have

193
00:11:30.720 --> 00:11:33.240
your you know, your your your father to take care

194
00:11:33.320 --> 00:11:35.799
of and your caregiving and and you're having to take

195
00:11:35.840 --> 00:11:38.600
care of them, and I'm gonna swoop in and then

196
00:11:38.639 --> 00:11:40.879
financially take care of you, so you can do that.

197
00:11:40.919 --> 00:11:44.360
So they paint this picture for you. And in the meantime,

198
00:11:44.399 --> 00:11:47.720
they're not this high powered lawyer. You know, they don't

199
00:11:47.720 --> 00:11:50.200
even have a job. They haven't even passed the bar yet.

200
00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:53.279
You see what I'm saying. Or they're there, but we're

201
00:11:53.360 --> 00:11:56.519
so far away. We haven't even gotten into the educational

202
00:11:56.559 --> 00:11:57.519
we haven't gotten into.

203
00:11:57.679 --> 00:12:00.240
That part of school yet. Well, however, we know they've

204
00:12:00.279 --> 00:12:01.000
created that reality.

205
00:12:01.000 --> 00:12:02.519
This is gonna happen. This is what I'm gonna do

206
00:12:02.559 --> 00:12:03.960
for you. This is where I'm gonna be. So in

207
00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:05.960
the process, you're in a different place. So you start

208
00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:08.000
giving to them. You start taking care of them, you

209
00:12:08.039 --> 00:12:10.639
start giving them things, you start paying for things. You

210
00:12:10.639 --> 00:12:14.399
start doing these things in the immediate situation because you're like, Wow,

211
00:12:14.720 --> 00:12:16.679
down the road, this is gonna be there and I'm

212
00:12:16.679 --> 00:12:18.559
gonna have this and this is gonna be great, and

213
00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:22.159
I've wanted this or I've needed this or whatever. That's

214
00:12:22.360 --> 00:12:27.360
how this begins, and that's how this begins. And you

215
00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:31.200
begin to wrap your life around this reality. You begin

216
00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:35.440
to wrap your life around these situations. You begin to

217
00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:37.000
wrap your life around it.

218
00:12:37.039 --> 00:12:37.840
And this is.

219
00:12:37.799 --> 00:12:43.080
Why I am really emphasizing this because this can only

220
00:12:43.799 --> 00:12:49.200
hurt you. They will pray upon your needs, pray upon

221
00:12:49.279 --> 00:12:56.120
your vulnerability, and use that to control you, use that

222
00:12:56.240 --> 00:13:01.639
to control you at all way, shape and form. And

223
00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:04.840
that's where it's so important for you to begin to

224
00:13:04.879 --> 00:13:07.320
realize where you're at, because some of you right now

225
00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:12.080
might be in the false hope in the future faking.

226
00:13:13.000 --> 00:13:16.720
So the false hope is all dry by the future faking,

227
00:13:16.759 --> 00:13:19.480
and the future faking could have just begun for you.

228
00:13:19.480 --> 00:13:22.320
You could be in day one or future faking. You

229
00:13:22.360 --> 00:13:27.440
could be in year five of future faking. And depending

230
00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:31.000
on what you're in, the pain is stronger the longer

231
00:13:31.039 --> 00:13:35.320
you've been because there's been false hope, false hope, false hope,

232
00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:39.600
future faking, future faking, future faking compounded against future faking

233
00:13:39.639 --> 00:13:42.440
on top of other future faking, divided by other you know,

234
00:13:42.639 --> 00:13:46.600
multiplied by future faking. Where you're at the point where

235
00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:49.440
it seems like nothing has come true and.

236
00:13:49.360 --> 00:13:51.679
You've been sitting there waiting holding the bag for years.

237
00:13:51.720 --> 00:13:53.519
Some of you are just now into a couple of

238
00:13:53.639 --> 00:13:56.960
days in you're buying into it, you're drinking the kool aid.

239
00:13:57.000 --> 00:13:58.879
So we're going to be talking about the future faking

240
00:13:58.919 --> 00:14:02.399
and the false hope. Here, stay tuned Libertrue Life Perspectives

241
00:14:02.440 --> 00:14:04.720
with your host me, Ashley Burgess, will be back in

242
00:14:05.240 --> 00:14:06.320
I'll be back this time.

243
00:14:06.360 --> 00:14:06.759
You know it.

244
00:14:06.840 --> 00:14:14.919
I'll be back this time in two shakes.

245
00:14:24.519 --> 00:14:27.360
Turn it up and jump in the deep end on Perspectives.

246
00:14:27.919 --> 00:14:29.200
Now here's Ashley.

247
00:14:31.320 --> 00:14:34.080
Welcome back live to Libertry Life Perspectives and I'm your host,

248
00:14:34.120 --> 00:14:37.879
Ashley Burgess. On today's show, we're talking about narcissism, we're

249
00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:42.519
talking about false hope, future faking, and vulnerability. And right

250
00:14:42.519 --> 00:14:44.159
before the break, we were talking about the concept of

251
00:14:44.200 --> 00:14:47.120
the future faking and how that creates that false hope,

252
00:14:47.200 --> 00:14:50.279
like waiting for things to happen. You know, in the beginning,

253
00:14:50.360 --> 00:14:52.200
it seems okay, all this is going to happen. They

254
00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:56.000
create this false reality, this false future reality that's going

255
00:14:56.039 --> 00:14:57.879
to take place. And I gave the example of you know,

256
00:14:57.960 --> 00:15:00.639
meeting someone and you know they're them telling you all,

257
00:15:00.679 --> 00:15:02.919
i'm gonna be this high powered attorney and I'm gonna

258
00:15:02.919 --> 00:15:04.240
have this, I'm gonna have this, I'm gonna take care

259
00:15:04.279 --> 00:15:06.320
of you financially, I'm gonna do all this, you know,

260
00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:08.519
and you're buying into it. So in the moment, you're

261
00:15:08.559 --> 00:15:10.879
taking care of them, you're doing things, all these things

262
00:15:10.919 --> 00:15:11.519
are happening.

263
00:15:11.720 --> 00:15:13.559
But yet they're not a lawyer right now. They're not

264
00:15:13.639 --> 00:15:14.360
even practicing.

265
00:15:14.399 --> 00:15:16.320
They might not even pass the bar yet or anything

266
00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:18.399
like that to even go to law school. They haven't

267
00:15:18.559 --> 00:15:20.919
not none of this, So they might not have done

268
00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:23.240
any of it. They might not have even started law school.

269
00:15:23.279 --> 00:15:25.240
So we have no idea what's really going on. But

270
00:15:25.279 --> 00:15:29.360
they're creating this reality because you have told them in

271
00:15:29.399 --> 00:15:33.879
your vulnerable states during you know, during the love bombing,

272
00:15:34.759 --> 00:15:36.519
that you know, oh, you know, you want to go

273
00:15:36.559 --> 00:15:38.720
back to school, or you need to take care of

274
00:15:38.759 --> 00:15:41.679
your father or mother who's dying, and you would need

275
00:15:41.720 --> 00:15:43.360
to take a few years off because you want to

276
00:15:43.399 --> 00:15:44.799
make sure these okay. And this is all, you know,

277
00:15:44.840 --> 00:15:48.000
whatever it looks like. And they're creating this, but in

278
00:15:48.039 --> 00:15:50.639
the process, they're not doing a lot. In the process,

279
00:15:50.679 --> 00:15:53.600
you're the one that keeps giving into this relationship, giving

280
00:15:53.679 --> 00:15:56.440
and helping and all that stuff, while they're not really

281
00:15:56.480 --> 00:15:58.559
doing that much, and they're really holding on to that

282
00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:02.200
false promises in order to keep you know, you going,

283
00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:04.279
in order for you to keep going, you to feel

284
00:16:04.279 --> 00:16:06.480
good about this, they're they're acting as if they put

285
00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:10.320
in all this investment, which they really haven't. There you know,

286
00:16:10.360 --> 00:16:13.559
all this strong interest, all this emotional ties, all that

287
00:16:13.639 --> 00:16:17.879
kind of stuff, and the reality itself is distorted reality.

288
00:16:18.679 --> 00:16:20.919
Now many of them, in the process of doing this,

289
00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:25.399
will create this whole other layer of oh, you're a soulmate,

290
00:16:25.639 --> 00:16:29.799
or we're twin flames, or were this, or that we're

291
00:16:29.799 --> 00:16:32.200
all these and that's all great finding, Danny. Not every

292
00:16:32.279 --> 00:16:36.080
narcissist uses that in their arsenal, but some do, creating

293
00:16:36.120 --> 00:16:39.159
that kind of that that reality in the beginning where

294
00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:42.559
this was star crossed and you know, this was this

295
00:16:42.639 --> 00:16:44.639
is the way it had to be, and this was

296
00:16:44.679 --> 00:16:48.000
a meant to be situation, right, And there's a lot

297
00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:51.440
of meant to be situations. There's a lot of meant

298
00:16:51.480 --> 00:16:55.559
to be situations. But it doesn't mean that they're all positive, okay,

299
00:16:55.840 --> 00:16:59.240
that you know, they they they They sometimes can actually

300
00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:03.039
be very check challenging and even really painful. So, I mean,

301
00:17:03.039 --> 00:17:04.839
we have to understand that there's a lot of meant

302
00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:08.319
to these situations, not all that we're all this like

303
00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:11.559
soul made, Oh my god, we're twin flames when we

304
00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:14.640
finally met one another, and this is our chance to

305
00:17:14.759 --> 00:17:15.799
be together forever.

306
00:17:15.960 --> 00:17:18.319
It's not necessarily what it is.

307
00:17:18.279 --> 00:17:21.920
But that's the creation of the manufactured reality that makes

308
00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:24.799
you even tell them more about your vulnerable state and

309
00:17:24.839 --> 00:17:28.920
things that you've done that you wouldn't tell others. Okay, right,

310
00:17:29.640 --> 00:17:31.599
what I'd like to give you a couple of examples though,

311
00:17:31.599 --> 00:17:35.400
in future faking. When it comes to like a family relationship.

312
00:17:36.559 --> 00:17:39.400
You know, if family members doing something that you don't like,

313
00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:41.599
it's really challenging, and you ask you to change your

314
00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:44.880
you know, change your behavior. You know, maybe they say yes,

315
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:47.119
you know, but then they go back and kind of

316
00:17:47.160 --> 00:17:50.240
do it again. They kind of lie about their they lie,

317
00:17:50.319 --> 00:17:53.319
misrepresent themselves about making change. If it's at work, maybe

318
00:17:53.319 --> 00:17:56.720
your boss is promising you this raise, promising you this

319
00:17:56.799 --> 00:18:00.480
new title, and it keeps getting pushed off, pushed off off,

320
00:18:00.519 --> 00:18:02.039
month after months, and they keep.

321
00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:03.039
Dangling that carrot.

322
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:06.759
If it's in a romantic relationship, you know, the other

323
00:18:06.839 --> 00:18:09.720
person is talking about this future that y'all are gonna

324
00:18:09.759 --> 00:18:13.240
have together and how great it's gonna be and all that,

325
00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:13.880
and they.

326
00:18:13.799 --> 00:18:15.240
Want to rush you into things too.

327
00:18:15.279 --> 00:18:17.119
A lot of the folks that are creating this false

328
00:18:17.160 --> 00:18:19.720
reality because they're telling you Oh, it's gonna be so great.

329
00:18:19.720 --> 00:18:21.279
We're gonna have this, We're gonna have that, We're gonna

330
00:18:21.319 --> 00:18:23.960
have this whirlwind romance and all this stuff. They're going

331
00:18:24.039 --> 00:18:26.720
to try to rush you to make decisions, rush you

332
00:18:27.119 --> 00:18:29.759
to get married, rush you to move them in, rush

333
00:18:29.799 --> 00:18:34.359
you to take a trip, rush you to get engaged, Rush, rush, rush, rush, rush, rush, rush,

334
00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:38.079
so that you are really in you know, the throws

335
00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:41.880
of the relationship in order to keep it going. And

336
00:18:41.880 --> 00:18:44.400
this is very important to understand because once you start

337
00:18:44.440 --> 00:18:48.200
seeing this, you can't unsee it. Once you start seeing this,

338
00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:50.960
you can't unsee it. And I want you to really

339
00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:53.240
catch on. If y'all are in the beginning relationship and

340
00:18:53.480 --> 00:18:57.279
the other person's trying to rush you, rush your decision making,

341
00:18:57.759 --> 00:19:00.559
make you make decisions very quickly, all these things.

342
00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:02.160
We need to be aware.

343
00:19:01.880 --> 00:19:05.720
Of this because this is manipulation too, because they're driving

344
00:19:05.759 --> 00:19:09.720
this and they're making you rush because they don't want

345
00:19:09.839 --> 00:19:11.559
you to awaken.

346
00:19:11.799 --> 00:19:13.440
They don't want you to see the truth.

347
00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:17.039
Yet they want to keep going and rolling game and

348
00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:19.920
get what they want before you wake up and realize

349
00:19:19.960 --> 00:19:21.599
this is a false reality.

350
00:19:21.920 --> 00:19:24.079
Stay tuned. We talk a lot about this here on

351
00:19:24.119 --> 00:19:24.759
this podcast.

352
00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:26.799
I hope I can help anybody that's going through this

353
00:19:27.119 --> 00:19:30.440
ligertry Life Perspectives of your host me, Ashley Burgers, should

354
00:19:30.440 --> 00:19:41.240
be back in. I'll be back this time too, Shakes.

355
00:19:46.640 --> 00:19:49.720
This is Jake Busey and you're listening to Perspectives with

356
00:19:49.839 --> 00:19:50.880
Ashley Burgess.

357
00:19:53.319 --> 00:19:56.000
Welcome Acklive to Libertry Life Perspectives and I'm your host,

358
00:19:56.079 --> 00:19:59.839
Ashley Burgess. We've been talking today about narcissists, false hope,

359
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:03.359
false realities, and our vulnerability. And right before the break,

360
00:20:03.400 --> 00:20:08.039
we were talking about examples of future faking, three types

361
00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:10.319
of relationships, and we talked about that and right now,

362
00:20:10.359 --> 00:20:12.440
you know a lot of people ask me, Ashley, Hey,

363
00:20:12.599 --> 00:20:16.559
does do they know? Do they know what they're doing?

364
00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:19.440
Do they know that their future faking? Do they know

365
00:20:19.960 --> 00:20:23.119
that they are manipulating and trying to control the situation.

366
00:20:23.240 --> 00:20:26.960
I think some people do and some people don't. Some

367
00:20:27.000 --> 00:20:29.480
people are probably doing it on purpose while others aren't.

368
00:20:30.599 --> 00:20:33.559
And it's interesting, it's something to be pointed out. It's

369
00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:35.559
something you could point out in the relationship. But this

370
00:20:35.599 --> 00:20:38.400
is happening. Hey, you know you're making all these promises

371
00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:41.359
and saying all these things and creating this reality, but

372
00:20:41.400 --> 00:20:43.960
none of this has really come to fruition. You know,

373
00:20:44.039 --> 00:20:46.200
I just wanted to bring this up because you know,

374
00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:50.119
it's creating this feeling or emotion within me, or you know,

375
00:20:50.160 --> 00:20:52.400
it's just not feeling good because it seems like everything

376
00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:54.759
that you bring up is not really true or has

377
00:20:54.799 --> 00:20:58.400
not come into existence, and wanting to actually bring up

378
00:20:58.400 --> 00:21:02.400
that type of reality. I think that some probably created

379
00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:05.480
because they want to create this reality. They want this

380
00:21:06.000 --> 00:21:10.559
somehow for their own because of their own fear factor

381
00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:13.920
for whatever. I think some actually do it out of

382
00:21:13.960 --> 00:21:17.680
control to control you, to create a false reality to

383
00:21:17.720 --> 00:21:19.920
get you to do things for them in the moment

384
00:21:20.839 --> 00:21:25.079
when they need it. And I think that's very interesting

385
00:21:25.319 --> 00:21:27.960
to understand as well. And I think when we have

386
00:21:28.119 --> 00:21:33.480
repeated broken promises, this impacts a relationship. But it doesn't

387
00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:38.640
necessarily mean that it's a full on deception, but sometimes

388
00:21:38.720 --> 00:21:41.559
it is. And there's a lot of red flags that

389
00:21:41.640 --> 00:21:48.039
may indicate when something is really future faking, And we

390
00:21:48.079 --> 00:21:50.400
talk about the red flags a lot in various videos

391
00:21:50.440 --> 00:21:52.680
on YouTube that I create. If you haven't been to

392
00:21:52.759 --> 00:21:56.359
YouTube lately, or you're not subscribed lately to the channel,

393
00:21:56.440 --> 00:21:59.359
or haven't subscribed, go to YouTube and go to life

394
00:21:59.359 --> 00:22:03.960
Coach ash Burgess Life Coach Ashley Burgess. We have almost

395
00:22:03.960 --> 00:22:06.960
two hundred thousand subscribers, and I would love it if

396
00:22:07.000 --> 00:22:09.759
you subscribed and commented on some of these videos, letting

397
00:22:09.839 --> 00:22:12.000
us know what you think, letting me know what you think.

398
00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:18.119
When it comes to red flags in future faking, one

399
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:20.960
of the biggest red flags that I find is when

400
00:22:21.839 --> 00:22:25.319
someone is wanting the other person is wanting you to

401
00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:31.279
make decisions very quickly. So they're wanting you to make

402
00:22:31.319 --> 00:22:36.319
decisions very quickly that impact you. You know, whether you're

403
00:22:36.440 --> 00:22:42.720
moving across the country for them, whether you're getting married

404
00:22:42.799 --> 00:22:49.000
to them, whether you are you know, putting them in

405
00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:54.920
as an owner of your home, or putting you on

406
00:22:56.160 --> 00:22:58.680
or or asking you to put them on your your

407
00:22:58.680 --> 00:23:02.440
health insurancer, asking you to put them on your life

408
00:23:02.519 --> 00:23:05.799
insurance policy. There's a lot of red flags that I

409
00:23:05.880 --> 00:23:10.000
find in the beginning of the relationship that you need

410
00:23:10.039 --> 00:23:14.319
to be aware of. Convincing somebody to get married very

411
00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:16.279
quickly is a red flag.

412
00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:19.440
Uh, you know all these.

413
00:23:19.240 --> 00:23:22.000
Things, financial situations, you know, want I need to take

414
00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:24.200
care of them, buy them a place, buy them a car,

415
00:23:24.400 --> 00:23:26.400
all these things in the very beginning very much a

416
00:23:26.440 --> 00:23:32.000
red flag. Another big red flag is that I hear

417
00:23:32.119 --> 00:23:39.759
the words whirlwind romance used a lot, and that is

418
00:23:39.920 --> 00:23:45.240
a red flag. What I found is most worlwind romances

419
00:23:45.319 --> 00:23:50.240
are just that it's a fairy tale. Uh, it's it's

420
00:23:50.240 --> 00:23:51.039
a fairy tale.

421
00:23:51.079 --> 00:23:51.640
It's a k.

422
00:23:51.880 --> 00:23:55.880
A love bombing and definitely needs to be.

423
00:23:57.599 --> 00:23:59.079
Needs to be seen for what it is.

424
00:24:01.160 --> 00:24:05.920
And they'll also speak and over the top grand comments,

425
00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:08.920
you know, and I just think these are the things

426
00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:13.480
that to me is more choreographed and organized and plan

427
00:24:13.720 --> 00:24:18.960
and again a major red flag. You know. Another thing

428
00:24:19.039 --> 00:24:22.839
about this whole fairy tale is that it seems too

429
00:24:22.880 --> 00:24:25.119
good to be true, right, And you know what we

430
00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:27.119
know about that is that when things seem to good

431
00:24:27.160 --> 00:24:30.240
to be true, they probably are. And the problem with

432
00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:35.200
a good spun fairy tale based on future faking is

433
00:24:35.240 --> 00:24:40.319
that they have you at your most vulnerable state. They

434
00:24:40.400 --> 00:24:44.480
know what you need, they know what you want, they

435
00:24:44.519 --> 00:24:47.519
know what's at your deepest, darkest They know all that

436
00:24:47.599 --> 00:24:52.200
and so they can what use that pull on those

437
00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:56.079
hope and heartstrings to get you to do what they want.

438
00:24:57.880 --> 00:24:59.960
And I've seen it a lot where people will create

439
00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:03.160
reality that's not them, or it's a reality that's kind

440
00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:05.880
of them, but not really. Or they say they're gonna

441
00:25:05.920 --> 00:25:09.960
do these things that they really have No, they they're

442
00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:14.160
not gonna do and they're not making any type of

443
00:25:15.519 --> 00:25:18.680
movements or progress to do things that they say that

444
00:25:18.720 --> 00:25:24.480
they're going to do. And that's a big deal, is

445
00:25:24.519 --> 00:25:28.960
that when somebody's creating this false reality and saying this

446
00:25:29.119 --> 00:25:32.000
is going to happen in the future and I'm gonna

447
00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:33.640
do this, and I'm gonna do that, and we're gonna

448
00:25:33.640 --> 00:25:36.720
do that, and we're gonna do this, you gotta step

449
00:25:36.759 --> 00:25:39.880
back and begin to see the truth because a lot

450
00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:43.119
of times what happens in the next red flag is

451
00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:45.759
they're not doing the small things that they say they're

452
00:25:45.799 --> 00:25:50.160
gonna do. So they're they're not doing things. They're not

453
00:25:50.319 --> 00:25:52.519
doing things. So yeah, I'm gonna help you do this.

454
00:25:52.599 --> 00:25:54.680
I'm gonna help you do that. They don't show up,

455
00:25:54.759 --> 00:26:00.720
they don't help. Uh, you know, they don't contribute. Oh well, yeah,

456
00:26:00.759 --> 00:26:03.119
I would have paid for that. You know, I don't understand.

457
00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:05.119
I mean, it's it's not all about the money. I

458
00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:07.359
don't I don't get it. And the next time something

459
00:26:07.359 --> 00:26:09.279
comes up, they don't pay for it. That Oh no,

460
00:26:09.359 --> 00:26:14.039
you know, and it's constant. It's constant. You know, they're

461
00:26:14.039 --> 00:26:17.000
not you know, they're not holding up their weight. They're

462
00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:21.640
not carrying their weight in the relationship. Also a problematic situation.

463
00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:27.319
These are very problematic situations. And they might be saying

464
00:26:27.359 --> 00:26:30.160
one thing and doing quite a bit of another. They

465
00:26:30.200 --> 00:26:33.720
might be saying that they're part of this relationship, that

466
00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:36.119
they're carrying their weight, that they're doing this, but they're

467
00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:38.720
not doing any of it. They're not they're not budgeing

468
00:26:38.799 --> 00:26:42.960
at all. And so they're saying one thing and not

469
00:26:43.119 --> 00:26:45.799
doing it. And it's easy to believe in these words

470
00:26:45.839 --> 00:26:49.319
over a while, because the words are what got us

471
00:26:49.359 --> 00:26:56.200
into this in the first place. Their words. They're smooth talk, right,

472
00:26:56.279 --> 00:26:58.200
the smooth talk. I'm gonna tell you what you want

473
00:26:58.200 --> 00:27:00.960
to hear. You know, I'm I'm going to tell you

474
00:27:01.000 --> 00:27:04.720
what you want to hear, And that's exactly.

475
00:27:05.720 --> 00:27:07.680
How you got here in these situations.

476
00:27:07.680 --> 00:27:09.680
So we have to be very careful that we're not

477
00:27:09.720 --> 00:27:11.680
just hearing what we want to hear, that someone's just

478
00:27:11.720 --> 00:27:14.240
not saying what we want to do based on the

479
00:27:14.240 --> 00:27:16.240
stuff that we told them in the beginning when they

480
00:27:16.319 --> 00:27:18.799
were love bombing us. We need to be aware of

481
00:27:18.920 --> 00:27:25.000
that and safeguard ourselves. Another thing that's very important is

482
00:27:25.240 --> 00:27:28.559
let's just say that you finally do confront them about

483
00:27:29.000 --> 00:27:34.680
them not following through lack of actions, empty promises. What's

484
00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:37.079
going to happen if it's a red flag is that

485
00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:40.160
they're not going to take responsibility or accountability at all.

486
00:27:40.400 --> 00:27:44.079
They're going to deflect it. They're going to find something

487
00:27:44.119 --> 00:27:46.319
to use against you. They're going to turn it on you.

488
00:27:46.359 --> 00:27:48.839
They're going to find something wrong with you, and an

489
00:27:48.920 --> 00:27:52.839
effort to offset this conversation completely, and an effort to

490
00:27:52.839 --> 00:27:56.440
offset this conversation completely, they will do whatever they have

491
00:27:56.559 --> 00:27:59.480
to do because they don't want to deal with it.

492
00:28:00.799 --> 00:28:03.119
They don't want to deal with it, and so that

493
00:28:03.319 --> 00:28:05.400
is something that we want to be able to be

494
00:28:05.480 --> 00:28:08.640
aware of. And when they do that, we have to

495
00:28:08.680 --> 00:28:12.039
be aware of the fact that indeed, they are not

496
00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:16.079
dealing with the responsibility for their actions. They are not

497
00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:21.119
dealing with any sort of accountability, and instead they're going

498
00:28:21.200 --> 00:28:22.960
to turn it on you. So when you do bring

499
00:28:23.000 --> 00:28:24.920
these up and you do say, hey, you know, you

500
00:28:24.960 --> 00:28:26.640
said you were going to do this or you said

501
00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:28.759
you were going to do that and you haven't done that,

502
00:28:29.200 --> 00:28:31.119
is there a reason for that, what's the reason can

503
00:28:31.160 --> 00:28:34.000
we talk about it? What the red flag is going

504
00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:36.839
to be that they're not going to say, They're going

505
00:28:36.880 --> 00:28:41.440
to basically defer the conversation, flip the script, make you

506
00:28:41.640 --> 00:28:43.839
the problem Well, I didn't do that because of you,

507
00:28:43.960 --> 00:28:45.960
or I didn't do that because you drop the ball here,

508
00:28:46.599 --> 00:28:49.599
whatever they have to do to basically move the goalpost

509
00:28:49.720 --> 00:28:55.400
right to make you the problematic person. Another concept, too,

510
00:28:55.519 --> 00:28:58.319
is that these people do not because they are a narcissistic,

511
00:28:58.359 --> 00:29:01.279
can have very little empathy, and are all self centered

512
00:29:01.279 --> 00:29:03.759
in their own life and what they want, and they've

513
00:29:03.799 --> 00:29:07.200
created this false reality anyway, and this false ideas anyway

514
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:10.200
to get you even more ensnared in them is that

515
00:29:10.200 --> 00:29:13.200
they're rarely going to apologize to you for anything. So

516
00:29:13.279 --> 00:29:15.880
even if they have made these claims and they haven't

517
00:29:15.880 --> 00:29:18.720
followed through and it's not like they feel bad about it,

518
00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:22.279
they're not going to apologize, right, I mean, but if

519
00:29:22.279 --> 00:29:24.079
the shoe was on the other foot, they would be,

520
00:29:24.119 --> 00:29:26.880
you know, basically grinding you into the ground for it.

521
00:29:27.759 --> 00:29:30.000
And so I really need you to see these red

522
00:29:30.039 --> 00:29:33.440
flags because it's one thing to make you know a

523
00:29:33.519 --> 00:29:36.640
statement and not follow through, but have the intention of

524
00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:39.599
doing it, but life gets in the way, or finances

525
00:29:39.680 --> 00:29:42.400
get in the way or something like that. It's different

526
00:29:42.440 --> 00:29:47.680
when somebody is creating these false futures future faking in

527
00:29:47.960 --> 00:29:52.200
order to try to control and manipulate you in an

528
00:29:52.240 --> 00:29:55.960
effort to make you believe that that is your person,

529
00:29:56.440 --> 00:30:00.799
that this person is going to help you. And you know,

530
00:30:00.839 --> 00:30:02.319
one of the things that we find a lot of

531
00:30:02.319 --> 00:30:04.599
time with future faking is that we put our needs

532
00:30:04.640 --> 00:30:07.400
aside and we end up giving and giving and giving

533
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:10.279
to this other person because we know that eventually this

534
00:30:10.319 --> 00:30:12.680
person's gonna come in and do X, y Z, and

535
00:30:12.720 --> 00:30:15.160
they're gonna do this, and they're gonna do that, and

536
00:30:15.160 --> 00:30:18.440
they're gonna make this happen. But in reality, as you

537
00:30:18.519 --> 00:30:20.599
go and as the weeks and the months go by

538
00:30:20.680 --> 00:30:24.400
in the years, the things aren't changing. And so we

539
00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:28.079
need to be aware of our own feelings. I mean,

540
00:30:28.079 --> 00:30:30.200
we need to be aware of how we feel when

541
00:30:30.200 --> 00:30:31.039
things are brought up.

542
00:30:31.079 --> 00:30:33.920
We need to be aware of how we're feeling with

543
00:30:34.039 --> 00:30:34.559
this person.

544
00:30:34.680 --> 00:30:36.839
We need to be aware of how they treat us,

545
00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:42.599
What kind of burden are they putting upon us, What

546
00:30:42.720 --> 00:30:47.119
kind of responsibility do we hold? All the responsibility does

547
00:30:47.160 --> 00:30:51.880
it come down to us. Are they not taking responsibility?

548
00:30:53.079 --> 00:30:58.359
Are they not taking responsibility for their actions? Is that

549
00:30:58.519 --> 00:31:02.440
what is happening? And this is very interesting. We also

550
00:31:02.519 --> 00:31:06.559
need to be aware of consistency. Consistency in any relationship

551
00:31:06.640 --> 00:31:11.680
is key. I mean, is this person like holding up

552
00:31:11.839 --> 00:31:15.039
you know they're into the bargain. Is this person carrying

553
00:31:15.079 --> 00:31:19.079
their weight? And I think what you'd have to say

554
00:31:19.119 --> 00:31:22.279
is if you're dealing with a narcissists, dealing with future faking,

555
00:31:22.839 --> 00:31:26.039
and you're dealing with a narcissist, that's made you vulnerable.

556
00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:30.599
They are not consistent at all. They are not reliable,

557
00:31:30.960 --> 00:31:33.759
They are not consistent. They might tell you one thing

558
00:31:34.599 --> 00:31:40.039
but do another. And when one of these people consistently

559
00:31:40.079 --> 00:31:42.200
does that, that's the other side of the coin, is

560
00:31:42.200 --> 00:31:47.039
that you might be experiencing this complete and utter disconnect

561
00:31:47.039 --> 00:31:49.279
where literally you were at the point where this person

562
00:31:49.319 --> 00:31:51.880
has literally made up this stuff over and over again,

563
00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:54.000
told me they're going to take care of things, don't

564
00:31:54.000 --> 00:31:55.799
do it, And now I'm at the point where I

565
00:31:55.839 --> 00:31:58.279
don't believe them at all because they're only they only

566
00:31:58.319 --> 00:32:00.880
follow through maybe five to ten percent of the time.

567
00:32:01.839 --> 00:32:06.799
And that's really really challenging. When that happens because now

568
00:32:06.839 --> 00:32:09.000
you're starting to see it. But the problem is is

569
00:32:09.079 --> 00:32:12.119
you lowered your standards so much, You've lowered the bar

570
00:32:12.480 --> 00:32:15.759
so much, and an effort to be with this person

571
00:32:15.799 --> 00:32:18.480
because over time, the future faking begins to kind of

572
00:32:18.519 --> 00:32:21.559
go away because you've been with them for so long

573
00:32:21.640 --> 00:32:23.599
you're starting to be like, wait a second, I don't

574
00:32:23.599 --> 00:32:25.079
think this is ever going to happen.

575
00:32:25.680 --> 00:32:26.799
Wait a second, are.

576
00:32:26.680 --> 00:32:28.640
We ever going to do that? Is that ever going

577
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:30.799
to take place? Or is this always going to be

578
00:32:30.799 --> 00:32:36.440
a fantasy. The whirlwind romance and the love bombing has

579
00:32:36.720 --> 00:32:40.880
pretty much susided, and now there's arguments and fights that

580
00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:44.240
take up most of the time, or passive aggressive behavior

581
00:32:44.440 --> 00:32:48.359
or silent treatment or starting fights on a constant basis

582
00:32:48.440 --> 00:32:51.480
and an effort to offset. Because what happens here is

583
00:32:51.559 --> 00:32:54.000
eventually you come to your senses and you realize, wait

584
00:32:54.039 --> 00:32:56.640
a second, none of this has come to fruition. None

585
00:32:56.680 --> 00:33:01.400
of this is actually taking place. None of this is happening.

586
00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:05.839
So what do I do? How do I handle this?

587
00:33:06.759 --> 00:33:13.000
What do I do next? Very important aspects, very important

588
00:33:13.000 --> 00:33:17.079
things to think about, because that's when la Urbber meets

589
00:33:17.079 --> 00:33:19.400
the row because he said, okay, hey, they've been promising

590
00:33:19.480 --> 00:33:22.720
me this and it is not happening. It's not coming

591
00:33:22.759 --> 00:33:27.000
to fruition. And so being aware of the promises, being

592
00:33:27.200 --> 00:33:32.319
aware of this consistent, constant situation in this relationship, because

593
00:33:32.319 --> 00:33:35.599
once we're aware of these types of situations and we're

594
00:33:35.640 --> 00:33:40.400
realizing what we're in, it changes the entire dynamic. All

595
00:33:40.440 --> 00:33:44.359
of a sudden, you now have you now have awareness.

596
00:33:46.359 --> 00:33:57.000
Awareness is key. Awareness is key to you awakening to

597
00:33:57.119 --> 00:34:02.960
the situation because that is so important. Once you can

598
00:34:03.000 --> 00:34:08.480
awaken to the situation at hand, all of a sudden,

599
00:34:08.960 --> 00:34:13.840
it makes perfect sense. All of a sudden, you start

600
00:34:13.920 --> 00:34:16.440
being able to see things clearly. All of a sudden,

601
00:34:16.559 --> 00:34:20.079
you begin to understand the manipulation involved. All of a sudden,

602
00:34:20.519 --> 00:34:22.719
you understand how this has been going on for so

603
00:34:22.840 --> 00:34:26.239
long because they have you in a vulnerable state, meaning

604
00:34:26.280 --> 00:34:29.039
that you want certain things, You would like to have

605
00:34:29.119 --> 00:34:31.599
certain things come out of it. You would like things

606
00:34:31.639 --> 00:34:34.360
to happen, but you know what they haven't, and you're

607
00:34:34.360 --> 00:34:36.960
starting to realize and this person now you know, you're

608
00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:40.039
starting to see it because what happens here is it's

609
00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:42.800
all funny games in the beginning, and that fantasy has

610
00:34:42.840 --> 00:34:45.960
played out because you're believing the fantasy as well. But

611
00:34:46.000 --> 00:34:49.719
then over time that narcissists is not able to keep

612
00:34:49.760 --> 00:34:52.400
the mask on. They begin to put you down, make

613
00:34:52.480 --> 00:34:55.800
fun of you, create our arguments, fight, you know, do

614
00:34:55.880 --> 00:34:58.239
all different types of things that bring you down. And

615
00:34:58.280 --> 00:34:59.800
that's one of the things that we have to begin

616
00:35:00.199 --> 00:35:03.239
look forward. As we see that, it comes more and

617
00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:06.480
more because the future faking starts going away because they're

618
00:35:06.519 --> 00:35:11.360
not creating that reality. They're not making that happen. They

619
00:35:11.519 --> 00:35:15.880
are still doing the same thing and not actually acting.

620
00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:19.559
There's no actions, there's no follow through, there's no truth

621
00:35:20.440 --> 00:35:23.000
that is necessary. So this is when you start seeing

622
00:35:23.000 --> 00:35:24.599
where the rubber meets the row. This is when you

623
00:35:24.639 --> 00:35:26.519
start realizing what's going on. And I know that a

624
00:35:26.559 --> 00:35:28.519
lot of people when they wake up to this, it's

625
00:35:28.599 --> 00:35:32.119
kind of painful. It's very sad, it's a bit overwhelming,

626
00:35:32.159 --> 00:35:35.440
it's super triggering, but it helps us to begin to

627
00:35:35.519 --> 00:35:38.639
start to move on and find truth in our life.

628
00:35:38.639 --> 00:35:42.000
But in the process calling this person out, eventually having

629
00:35:42.079 --> 00:35:44.159
the backbone to do it and moving forward.

630
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:46.159
Stay tuned. Lots more to talk about.

631
00:35:46.519 --> 00:35:48.679
Don't you don't want to leave the show right now,

632
00:35:48.679 --> 00:35:50.239
You've got to listen to the rest of the podcasts

633
00:35:50.280 --> 00:35:51.719
because there's a lot more things that I want to

634
00:35:51.719 --> 00:35:54.679
talk about really quickly in our last segment. Okay, stay tuned,

635
00:35:54.679 --> 00:35:57.599
Liberature Life Perspectives with me, your host, Ashley Bergers, will

636
00:35:57.639 --> 00:35:59.960
be back in I'll be back this time. You know it.

637
00:36:00.119 --> 00:36:12.239
I'll be back this time in two shakes.

638
00:36:17.639 --> 00:36:21.800
Get in here. You're listening to Perspectives with Ashley Burgess.

639
00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:26.679
Welcome back live to look at true life perspectives and

640
00:36:26.719 --> 00:36:29.199
I'm your host, Ashley Burgess. On today's show, I've been

641
00:36:29.199 --> 00:36:35.079
talking about narcissism more importantly about future faking false hope

642
00:36:35.719 --> 00:36:38.679
and how they make us vulnerable and that false hope

643
00:36:38.760 --> 00:36:42.360
really hurts once we realize that it is not real,

644
00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:44.880
and some of the ways that we can safeguard ourselves

645
00:36:44.880 --> 00:36:47.679
and realize this is first off, as we see this

646
00:36:47.840 --> 00:36:51.719
happening and somebody's not walking the walk. They're talking to

647
00:36:51.760 --> 00:36:54.559
talk not walking the walk. Everything that they say is

648
00:36:54.599 --> 00:36:57.800
not happening. It's been months, maybe even years. It's time

649
00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:01.480
to stop, and it's time to bring up reality and

650
00:37:01.559 --> 00:37:04.559
see where they stand in this reality. Where do they

651
00:37:04.639 --> 00:37:07.880
stand when you bring this up? Where do you stand?

652
00:37:08.280 --> 00:37:11.199
Where do they stand? How do they act, how do

653
00:37:11.280 --> 00:37:14.599
they communicate? And this is very important, Okay, watching them?

654
00:37:14.639 --> 00:37:17.800
How does this? How do they move forward? What do

655
00:37:17.920 --> 00:37:18.400
they do?

656
00:37:18.599 --> 00:37:21.199
All these things are very important to understand because we

657
00:37:21.320 --> 00:37:25.800
must bring up reality. We must live within reality. Two

658
00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:29.559
creating boundaries, the boundaries that we need to create. How

659
00:37:29.559 --> 00:37:32.960
do we create these boundaries? And it's about creating boundaries

660
00:37:33.000 --> 00:37:36.400
around the situation, about not sharing any more of your

661
00:37:36.480 --> 00:37:41.559
vulnerabilities with them. It's about not accepting false realities. It's

662
00:37:41.559 --> 00:37:44.239
about putting your foot downe Hey, you know what you

663
00:37:44.280 --> 00:37:47.760
said this two months ago, it didn't happen. Is there

664
00:37:47.760 --> 00:37:49.920
a reason why we're not following through? Is there a

665
00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:52.440
reason why this is happening? Bringing it up, not just

666
00:37:52.519 --> 00:37:53.559
going along with it.

667
00:37:53.800 --> 00:37:54.039
You know.

668
00:37:54.119 --> 00:37:57.800
One of the other big parts too, is realizing how

669
00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:02.000
you've lowered I don't mean standards, but I do how

670
00:38:02.039 --> 00:38:05.199
you've lowered, you know, your standards to the point where

671
00:38:05.199 --> 00:38:08.000
there really isn't any standards. You're just giving this person

672
00:38:08.159 --> 00:38:11.039
this cart blanc. They have the ability to do whatever.

673
00:38:11.159 --> 00:38:13.840
You just take on whatever they give you, you know, I

674
00:38:13.880 --> 00:38:16.559
mean that type of thing. And it's really important for

675
00:38:16.679 --> 00:38:20.039
us to recognize that, important for us to realize that

676
00:38:20.119 --> 00:38:24.079
and I really want to you know, when you when

677
00:38:24.119 --> 00:38:29.039
you keep getting let down, you know, but the person

678
00:38:29.159 --> 00:38:35.480
is speaking is talking a different game. That's you know,

679
00:38:35.559 --> 00:38:37.840
that's something that we have to be aware of. That's

680
00:38:37.880 --> 00:38:41.719
something that we have to be you know, straightforward with

681
00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:44.239
ourselves about. You know, that's a big thing, is that

682
00:38:44.280 --> 00:38:48.119
we can't lie to ourselves. You know, we have to

683
00:38:48.119 --> 00:38:50.079
be aware of that. But when we're let down over

684
00:38:50.119 --> 00:38:53.559
and over again, it's very easy for us to feel

685
00:38:53.559 --> 00:38:54.239
a certain way.

686
00:38:54.320 --> 00:38:56.559
It's very easy for us to get down.

687
00:38:57.320 --> 00:39:01.119
And especially when they play upon your vulnerability in your emotions.

688
00:39:01.159 --> 00:39:04.360
You know, they're playing upon your fears. You know, they're

689
00:39:04.360 --> 00:39:07.519
playing upon your vulnerabilities. That can be very tough and

690
00:39:07.679 --> 00:39:11.639
very challenging and very hard to deal with, Okay, And

691
00:39:11.679 --> 00:39:14.639
so I want you to be aware of that. I

692
00:39:14.679 --> 00:39:16.679
also want you to just check in with the truth

693
00:39:16.840 --> 00:39:19.119
is like, you know, they have created this reality seeing

694
00:39:19.119 --> 00:39:20.760
that they're gonna do X y Z.

695
00:39:21.639 --> 00:39:23.400
You know, if nothing.

696
00:39:23.119 --> 00:39:26.199
Has been done and we're just talking and there's this great,

697
00:39:26.440 --> 00:39:32.039
grandiose plan, right, this grandiose plan about what's going to happen,

698
00:39:32.360 --> 00:39:34.400
it's time to ask, Hey, when are we going to

699
00:39:34.480 --> 00:39:36.760
have when are we going to talk over this. When

700
00:39:36.800 --> 00:39:39.079
are we going to have some actionables? When do you

701
00:39:39.119 --> 00:39:41.400
think we can move forward with this? You know, if

702
00:39:41.400 --> 00:39:43.159
you're wanting to do this or start a family, when

703
00:39:43.159 --> 00:39:46.840
are we going to do this? Asking the questions, getting

704
00:39:46.920 --> 00:39:51.719
past the plan or the idea stage and going into actionables.

705
00:39:52.599 --> 00:39:55.239
And I think that will be your tailtale sign is

706
00:39:55.280 --> 00:39:58.960
that that other person is not intending, has no intent

707
00:39:59.119 --> 00:40:03.119
of have these actionables. Following through these actionables, this is

708
00:40:03.159 --> 00:40:07.599
your sign that this is future faking. And then also

709
00:40:07.639 --> 00:40:09.519
I need you to be weal with yourself about the

710
00:40:09.519 --> 00:40:13.440
false hope that was created. It's okay to have hope.

711
00:40:13.480 --> 00:40:17.920
It's okay to let somebody to tell somebody about your vulnerabilities,

712
00:40:17.960 --> 00:40:19.960
but be very careful who you tell. And if you've

713
00:40:20.000 --> 00:40:23.440
already told the narcissist about your vulnerabilities and they've already

714
00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:26.880
exploited it and they're already using it these certain ways,

715
00:40:26.880 --> 00:40:30.000
it's time to really, you know, recognize that it's time

716
00:40:30.039 --> 00:40:32.400
to be awakened to that, it's time to see that

717
00:40:32.639 --> 00:40:36.119
is what it is, okay, And that's very important.

718
00:40:36.519 --> 00:40:39.119
It's very important. And you know, we can.

719
00:40:39.000 --> 00:40:42.800
All fall for this false hope, but we just need

720
00:40:42.800 --> 00:40:45.000
to recognize that that's exactly what it is, is the

721
00:40:45.000 --> 00:40:45.679
false hope.

722
00:40:46.000 --> 00:40:47.639
And you know, last, but not.

723
00:40:47.599 --> 00:40:50.639
Least, is you know, getting getting right with our fears,

724
00:40:51.360 --> 00:40:55.519
you know, getting right with you know, our dreams and

725
00:40:55.559 --> 00:40:58.480
desires and seeing how we can begin to fulfill some

726
00:40:58.519 --> 00:41:01.840
of that on our own, working within our fears, and

727
00:41:01.920 --> 00:41:04.239
understanding where how our fears have gotten us into this

728
00:41:04.280 --> 00:41:07.679
type of relationship. All of these are very powerful aspects

729
00:41:07.719 --> 00:41:08.599
of being able to see the.

730
00:41:08.559 --> 00:41:11.199
Relationship clearly, because what.

731
00:41:11.079 --> 00:41:13.159
We know is that if it really is this and

732
00:41:13.239 --> 00:41:17.079
it is narcissistic beating and it is future faking, this

733
00:41:17.159 --> 00:41:18.920
is not going to get any better, and it's it's

734
00:41:18.960 --> 00:41:21.079
going to be a waste of time, and it's going

735
00:41:21.119 --> 00:41:23.440
to hurt you, and it's going to manipulate you, and

736
00:41:23.480 --> 00:41:25.840
it's going to take you away from finding a relationship

737
00:41:25.920 --> 00:41:28.440
or a connection or a friendship or a work relationship

738
00:41:28.440 --> 00:41:31.599
that actually could be beneficial to you. So it's awakening

739
00:41:31.679 --> 00:41:35.480
to the truth as soon as possible is our way out.

740
00:41:35.559 --> 00:41:38.719
It's our way of gaining our control and power back

741
00:41:38.760 --> 00:41:43.440
in our life. It's a way of feeling better about

742
00:41:43.599 --> 00:41:47.719
our life. It's a way of reconnecting with ourselves and

743
00:41:47.719 --> 00:41:50.360
it's also a way of creating those boundaries and putting

744
00:41:50.639 --> 00:41:53.519
the burden upon this person that has created this false

745
00:41:53.599 --> 00:41:57.320
reality to either prove themselves or it's time for you

746
00:41:57.519 --> 00:41:59.800
to move on. And I hope that this show is

747
00:41:59.840 --> 00:42:01.800
how Gee, if you know of anybody that's going through this,

748
00:42:01.920 --> 00:42:05.119
you probably have a friend, family member that's going through this,

749
00:42:05.239 --> 00:42:07.239
and it's painful to watch. You may be going through

750
00:42:07.239 --> 00:42:10.639
it yourself, and it's painful to live. And in this process,

751
00:42:10.679 --> 00:42:13.039
we just need to see things truthfully, we need to

752
00:42:13.039 --> 00:42:15.400
put our boundaries down, and we need to move forward.

753
00:42:15.920 --> 00:42:17.320
I hope this is helping you haven't already.

754
00:42:17.400 --> 00:42:20.280
Check out the new website design at Ashley Burgess dot

755
00:42:20.320 --> 00:42:23.840
com Ashley B E R G E s dot com.

756
00:42:23.880 --> 00:42:26.280
And also we have you know, I have new some

757
00:42:26.320 --> 00:42:28.199
new folks working with me right now. It's a new

758
00:42:28.239 --> 00:42:31.280
therapists on board. And so go to Asley Burgas dot

759
00:42:31.320 --> 00:42:33.519
com slash coaching. You can go to the coaching page

760
00:42:33.559 --> 00:42:35.719
and you can read the bios of everybody. You can

761
00:42:35.760 --> 00:42:38.519
set an appointment right there. So stay tuned, live your

762
00:42:38.559 --> 00:42:41.239
true life perspective with your host me. Ashley Burgers will

763
00:42:41.239 --> 00:42:43.280
be back in well, I'll be back this time you

764
00:42:43.320 --> 00:42:51.159
know it. I'll be back this time in two shakes.