Fatherhood, Mentorship, and Building a Legacy | Dr Steven Greene - Ep. 174

0:00 Of love for dads and families. And today we will be talking about the success journey with our very special guest, doctor Stephen Green. Let me bring him forward. He's a dad of two children, twenty six and twenty eight, and he's created a student entrepreneurial academy which provides young people with the knowledge, skills and mentorship to develop and launch their own businesses. So here we go. Welcome doctor Stephen Green.

0:42 It's so nice to have you here. And what is it that truly defines success as a dad. Is it their career, their legacy, their relationship that they build at home, or something else. Well, in my opinion, I think it balance is very important, and I think ultimately it's about relationships, whether it's your family, whether it's your children, whether it's your spouse, whether it's your business. I think being a good person, which I define as being honest, being fair, putting other people's needs at a high priority is really important. I think specifically being a father. Why had two boys, so don't only ask me about raising girls, but I think specifically leading by example was very very important to me because I not only wanted to be a father, I wanted to be a role model to a degree. So I always felt that maybe I tried a little harder. Maybe, you know, when I knew my kids were avolved, like I did a lot of coaching baseball, soccer, you know, the whole typical sports that kids play. And I made a not to be favored to my kids or things like that because I thought it was important to show that, you know, you have to you have to do the right thing.

2:08 But I think ultimately I would define success my kids still talk to. Me, and it's very important they still talk to me and they're not asking for money. So maybe that that's a little sarcastic, but no, I think at some point you become you go from being like a provid like you know, you're changing diapers so they're totally depending on you, to being you know, kind of a guide. You know, you have to make dinner, you have taken around you. Then you become a chauffeur when you know they have sports and they got parties and they have friends. Then ultimately, uh, you know, you become kind of almost a peer, especially when they start to have children and things like that. So I think clearly you go through phases. I think looking back and looking forward I think successful is feeling like I gave them the time that they needed and we're deserving of and I think that's ultimately that's the best that you can do, right.

3:08 So I love that, and I love how you say giving them the time they needed as well. And it's not always easy to manage the career and the time they need. And sometimes they don't need much, but other times, whatever they're going through, they may need a lot more. My children are. An adult, and you know, sometimes it's a two minute call on the phone, and sometimes it's an hour and a half, right, because the need is different, you know, and look. That being a parent, you'll know this, Christine, and everybody else will. Sometimes your kids aren't the most communicative. Sometimes they trust their friends more than they trust their parents.

3:48 They all go through phases. I had two children that happen to be very different, different personalities, different just different priorities, different goals. One was kind of a little more introvertibles. We're extraverted, so you couldn't be the same parent, so to speak to this, every child, sometimes you had to do certain things with one that you wouldn't do with the other, and vice versa. And I think that's another thing. It's I think flexibility has to be in there somewhere. But I think ultimately, look, we're all balancing something of you know, trying to run a business or have a career or have a job, you know, because you have to provide for your family. That's still a piece of it. But having enough time to give them the love and the you know, intangible support that they need as well, I think is critically important. And frankly, and I don't want to I don't want to take it beyond any statement of face value. I think that's the most difficult part of it. You know, people are pulled in so many directions, and I don't know that they're always able to prioritize their family life as much as they might want to.

4:53 So, yes, it is. It is a challenge sometimes. And I can remember when I was working for time my kids were little and I was a teacher, and during report card time I was working sixty to eighty hour. I hear you. And during those times, though, what we had kind of done is they would kind of be the cooks or prepare things that would make it easier, and they'd be so excited to help me. And then after that I'd take over for the rest of the couple of I. Will add this because I think it's worth noting. My wife was an excellent parent, and it made it easier for me because you know, we were sort of like this, like there were things she was good at, there were things that she became the go to person for the things I were or things we were able to both do, and then there we for the most part, kind of realized we were the things that we were both poor at.

5:50 Like I'll give you an example. Yes, I taught both my kids to drive. My wife totally failed at that. She had no patience. I mean any of you did, like like she's going like this, grabb inside her foots, like clamping down on the ground like she's jam on the break. They come back from driving around an empty parking lot screaming at each other. Yeah, that was a yeah, Whereas I had a lot more patience, you know, sports, you know boys. You know, I tended to do that, but you know, she was better, even though I'm in education, she was better doing homework and that kind of stuff with them because they, you know, kind of just like being around her for that. So I think it Listen, it's hard being a parent by yourself. Sometimes circumstances are what they are. Let's you know, we don't need to discuss that. But you know, it's much easier when you have a partner who is who is a good co parent with you and you agree, because the last thing you want is a child comes to you and you say no to something. Then they go to the other spouse and and they say, oh, that's fine. You know, so you have to be you have to coordinate, you have to be on the same page. So that's important too.

6:57 I love that tip because I don't think I've talked about that in my one hundred and fifteen episodes. It's something that. To make a baby, but doesn't always take two to raise a baby. But discover like using your top abilities or your whatever it is that you're really good at. So that I mean. I taught my daughter how to change her tires from summer tires to winter tires. We did it together. How to hop on the crowbard it's not called I don't know the words, but the wrench ju't want it. You can listen the bolt. So we had fun.

7:43 You know, you never know what's going to be a bonding experience. Right, exactly. There's so many fun things that we have done together that were really cool, and there were things obviously that I wasn't as good at but did my best. So I was gonna say, do you have any other I was going to say something earlier when you talked about you know, we have two kids and they both have their personalities. My daughter we could talk forever about a topic, while my son it was only about planting a little seed and seeing if it would grow. Sometimes it did, sometimes it didn't. But if I started trying to have the same kind of conversation with him that I would try to have with my daughter, he was an absolute no. He would turn the other way. Mom, leave me alone.

8:36 You know, how was school today? Fine? Oh? Yes? But what did you like more? Sometimes we learn to question. Better given as they used to say in sales, it's an open ended answer, right. You don't want to have a question that's yes or no. They's still find out did you do you think you did well? You know, what was your favorite question on your math test? Yes? One of them. Kids are clever that way too. They know how to beat at your own game. Sometimes. Oh they're really good at it. And I have found in the process was that especially if we if they know that we have some judgment around the outcome, and that's a really huge challenge because those expectations, I mean, we want what's best for them. We have high expectations, some of us higher than others, and it puts a lot of pressure on the kids. And then they don't I have found anyway, they close up a lot more.

9:43 And if we're able to always self regulate when we're talking to them so that our expectations don't blow up, or when companies over and we're not saying these things, Oh, my child's going to be the best one and they're going to be an astronaut or whatever it is. You know, there's all types of parenting that's true. Well, then we take that pressure off. I found in my experience, and I saw this with a lot of other parents more than myself, was it's when the parents tried to impose their priorities or their goals onto their kids, Like like, I see this a lot with sports, and you know, I have an education business, so I see a lot where maybe a parent says, you know, you really you got to go play tennis, play tennis, play tennis, play tennis. It's an example, because they want them to use tennis as a vehicle maybe get a college scholarship or some such thing, and the kids is not that into tennis, right or you know whatever, any sports, basketball, it doesn't matter, you know. And I sometimes the parents get overly or you get situations where maybe the parents are both lawyers and they want the child to be a lawyer. Nothing good or bad. I'm just saying it isn't always in alignment that the children don't always want what the parents want for them. And I think sometimes that's a little bit of having to let go. You know, you just have to say at some point, look, I okay, you're you're I can't you know, you're eighteen, whatever, you're sixteen, you're twenty three, I can't you know, I can't make every decision for you anymore.

11:14 At the same time, you never want to see them fail when you know they're going down the wrong road, you know. And you know, my kids fortunately were pretty good. I mean, they smashed up a few cars and you know stuff, but you know, I didn't really have issues like substances, and you know, thy fortunately stayed away from that crowd for the most part. You know, in growing up with that certainly a temptation for them. So we didn't really have to deal with a lot of that sort of thing, and I know a lot of parents have and that's very difficult. But can I say something very quickly, This is totally my opinion, but if you take away all the expectations that we can have towards our children, it will take away the desire for the drugs and the alcohol, because that's an escapism or Netflix that may be an addiction or whatever the addiction is, whether it's TV, drugs, alcohol, you know, I think it's an escape where you feel well safe, or an ability to forget what's going on, to just it's always a nervous system down.

12:24 There's an element of realistic communication where you can say, the kids, listen, we understand what's going on. I was seventeen too at one point, you know, or fifteen whatever, and I know what you're going to be exposed to, and I know what you're going to be have thrown at you in a temptation sense, and you know you have to be you have to be smart. You know. It's I'm not saying absolutely you can't do anything in your life I mean, it'd be contradictory if I'm sitting there having a glass of wine at dinner or something like that. Time we could never drink. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm just saying that I think sort of understanding that they're learning. Kids experiment, kids, kids try things, kids, kids are becoming adults. I mean, there's this stuff that they have to learn on their own.

13:12 You can't shelter kids till they're forty five years old, so you know, eventually they go off to college and they're gonna do what they're gonna do there anyway, and sometimes you're just better off not thinking about it. I guess myry anyway. But I would hope that in a success you didn't ask. I didn't say this before, but I would hope in a successful parenting child relationship, both of them, the parents and children feel comfortable communicating with each other when there are issues. And I know that's not always the case. Certainly wasn't always the case in my world, probably isn't always the case in every dynamic, but I would hope in the most part it is, maybe not one hundred percent, but primarily you know, so look as they say, they don't come with a manual.

13:57 Everyone's looked different and they change just when you think you gotta figure it out. They change probably so do we, you know. So yeah, this brings me too. I always say our children are our best teachers, right, They're there to educate us on flexibility, educate us on you know. That's true. I agree, I agree with you. It's I put it in another way. If you're unwilling to be flexible and you're unwilling to learn and to try to adapt and improve, I guess you're going to have trouble because it's not always going to be static. Right. You can't do the same thing from the time of child six when they're seventeen. You've got to be able to, you know, change with the life changes, you know, and the things that are going on. So you know, again, I don't want to sit here and say I was the world's greatest dad ever. I mean, I certainly made my share of mistakes, for sure, But I think in the end I was smart enough to take a step back sometimes and maybe or think before where I said something that maybe later I would regret a little bit or something, because that can happen to when you get angry or you know, you just something happened, like like when the kids smashed the car off with I wasn't happy about that, but at least it wasn't hurt. Nobody got hurt. You know, it was just a car, you know.

15:17 So sometimes you got to just look at the wide picture. So I love that today that it's important to look at the wide picture, because sometimes we get, you know, so focused on the perfection or they are expected, that we forget about the whole wide angle. I mean, it's okay to make mistakes as long as you're not repeating them, And how do you help your child not repeating? And I think this brings us to our number two, Why is clear communication critical? Well, I think in a way we've already just answered this directly at least, yeah, I you know, it's you know, what are people hearing versus what are you saying? Right?

16:00 And part of communication is not just what you say. And I'm saying this as a parent a little bit, but I'm also saying as a teacher. I'm also saying as a business owner who at works with a lot of students, right, So it's important, I think to check for understanding it's a sales technique. Sometimes it gets taught that way. But to just say, you know, hey, I don't I can't think of example of course, right now, you know, can you take out the trash? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. And sometimes you got to say, hey, you know, when are you going to do it? Like you need to sort of confirm that they've understood what you want. And then I think the other important thing is giving that same uh respect, I guess is the right word when somebody's going to communicate with you, right, So you know, this is in the army, you know, being a fan in the family's not an army where somebody's given orders.

16:52 Everybody else is just following you orders. There's a there's a give and take. So why is why is communication important? First of all, for the obvious reason that you want people to be on the same page, you want people to be in agreeing with what's happening in that way. But I also think it's important because when done without a lot of friction, it creates a much more harmonious situation. Because that's the first thing that happens. People start yelling each other, you know, voices get louder, screaming and yelling, and that just leads to worse, right, So that's not usually something that's habit stuff, that's behavioral stuff, and it builds over time. So it's important for many many reasons.

17:37 I think the most important ones are just to get a message across that's clear. That's sort of the base level, but just from a sense of understanding and somebody feeling like they're respected and their opinions respected when it comes to that. So you don't degree on everything nobody does all the time. Adults don't. Certainly they don't start screaming and yelling at everybody at each other, so, you know, I think that's why that's the key. But the real thing there is not the word critical, it's the word clear. Right, if you're talking and double speak, what do you think your kids are going to hear? Right? You know, if you're not, if you're not lucid in what you were trying to communicate, why would you expect them to have a clear understanding of what you want them to do or what you want their behavior to be.

18:26 So and and like you said earlier just before we went on the air, is you want to be that role model and it's being a role model with the tasks that are hand. I used to like to say, Okay, who's going to do this, this, this, this week, you know, according to the schedules the exams when they got to high school, so that we could obviously, the week that I was doing report cards, I wasn't doing all these tasks, you know. But on the other maybe I'd take over on other times so that it would be easier to manage everything. But sometimes we need tips on how to keep the communication clear. Do you have some tips on that.

19:14 How do you do that so it doesn't get into these old patterns. Yeah, And again, let me let me preface this by saying I've certainly made many mistakes in poor communication. But I think one of the things that I would say is when it's just when it's when it's something simple, it's not it's not what I thought about. When you get I'm a little more dense or something emotional, sometimes just think a little bit before you say something. Because people say things on reflex and the anger that don't always come out the way they want, and then that just creates another layer of conflict, I suppose. And I think the other thing is just consistency. Just when you have a relationship with anyone where you've been able to communicate, it's so much easier doing moving forward. I mean, I there's so many stories where you know, a parent kid will say like, I don't talk to my mother, like we just don't get along, And that's not going to change overnight, right, And it didn't happen overnight. It probably was the end result of a series of of whatever you know, of events or something. So I'd say that.

20:19 I would also say again, it's an example thing. And and you gotta remember the kids first teacher is their parents. So if you have a situation with your spouse or your co parent or partner whatever, where you're always fighting or you're it's like one person telling the other person being kind of you know, timid about it, what do you expect the kids to learn? They're going to model what They're going to model what they see. That's what anybody would do, right, So again, it kind of goes back to the co parenting a little bit. And you know, you know, and and sometimes there's a lot of nonverbal communication obviously, and kids they're super sensitive to that. Yes, in the same that like dogs and cats are Sometimes they kind of just tell when you're upset things and tell when you're angry, and tell them you're happy, and the children pick up on that, and you know, it's like you know you were a teacher. Kids will do in a class essentially what they're asked to do as long as it's reasonable and fair. Right, you're not going to jump out of the window. But I'm saying, like if you if you lead a class with structure, and you lead a class with purposeful objectives, kids will do it because that's what children, that's what people do. And running a family, I guess if you want to call it that, operating a family is sort of the same thing totally. There's expectations, there's rules, there's boundaries, you know, but you know it should The communications is not an isolated, standalone thing. It's part of the larger package. So why

21:53 is important because I think it binds everything together, but getting to it involves other important things as well. Totally totally agree with you, doctor Steven. I mean, it's a whole. It's like a web. Right, let's let's use a big word. It's a multi dimensional process. Yes, totally right. Everything kind of affects everything so it's sort of like a web, and if one piece would breaks down, it's going to have this ripple effect potentially through everything, but certainly through other things. And sometimes would have like, okay, I'll give you a little example of my family. My one kid was very sensitive about school. Like he was a perfectionist. He always wanted to get ease and you know, it's not always realistic, yes, and challenging classes, and he didn't like to talk about it, you know, And we would see his report card, of course eventually, and my wife would say, well, you know, you got to B plus and whatever. You know, that's fine. She would try to say it in like this accepting way, but he would didn't. He didn't take it that way. No, even though the comment was gone with love and the comment was done with sincerity, it still wasn't received that way. Right, What are you going to do? I mean, that's just part of it, right, So even if you do your best, sometimes it just doesn't always work out.

23:19 I totally agree. And I have a neighbor who when her son was seven, like, he's an engineer. He was a born engineer. Creating things, putting things together is like what feeds him. But such a perfectionist and she isn't and she didn't know quite how to deal with it. So I hired him to shovel my snow at seven, right, and I said, oh, we need to have a contract and blah blah blah. So then I, of course a seven year old was not going to be here shoveling my driveway every time there's snow, you know, So I said, why don't we put a clause in the contract. So I'm teaching him about contracts through the whole process. I said, why don't we put a clause that you come whenever you want and when you want, I give you this amount of money. And it was like, oh wow, Well he learned that he could negotiate contracts right and he didn't have to be a perfectionist in it. And Mom was able to implement this strategy in in their life, and a few years down the road, this child will not panic if his project isn't working out exactly the same way.

24:41 You never know with that stuff. You're right though, Yeah you're you're Canadian. Right, Yes, I'm Canadian. So we have got than we do down here. Yeah that's a pretty big The snow might be hired in the seven year old. Yes, on some snowstorms, we can get a meter over three feet of snow. On those we don't get that kind of snow. We get that and nobody leaves their house. We just we just wait till it melts. Yeah, it's a bit different, but the point is it's we really need to be creative when we're looking for solutions. Okay, So I wanted you to be able to talk a little bit about this student entrepreneur academy because you also wanted to talk about the power of the ebooks. So I'm assuming it's interrelated.

25:36 Yeah, a little bit. Let me let me tell you what I did about ten years ago. I was hired by a like a high school college program. Okay, I create a to write a course to help students who wanted to learn about the entrepreneurial slash business world. And it was kind of there's a thing called fbla's Future your Future Business Leaders of America, I think, is what it is. It was sort of a conjunction of that and other things. And because they perceived me as an entrepreneur, well, I mean I was running my own business. I never thought it myself as like a shark Tank, entrepreneur but whatever.

26:16 So I created this course and we started doing it and it was it was on Saturday, and it just rotated through six lessons. Then we'd take two weeks off, so basically did it six times a year. It got very popular and it was really what it really was was just interpersonal skills, communication skills, presentation skills, resume writing to appoint a small scale business, planning, being able to do a short thirty second commercial, whatever, one about your business, about yourself, doing a goal statement. And what I realized after about three cycles of it was I was having kids come to me and they're saying, you know this, I learned a lot about this. But it also really helped me because I just had a job interview. Yeah it wasn't like they were for president of a ford, but you know, they had an interview for like to be a waiter in a restaurant, and they just felt more comfortable. And I was like, WHOA, we need to expand this. So right now, what it is. It's called the Student Entrepreneur Academy. It's student Entrepreneur dot Academy is the website, and it's twelve modules and it's it's like a medium dive, not a deep dive. A medium dive into all things kind of business entrepreneur, but but not that they have to run their own business, because it will help in any interpersonal thing. Now I've been doing it long enough. I have kids who are going through college are now in the job world who've come back and told me that they use the skills that they learn, which I find very rewarding. More recently, I've partnered with some networking groups where we're bringing these kids into networking meetings and they're doing you know, short presentations, and they're

27:49 being mentored by other business people. In some cases are they're getting jobs this way, they're starting early career decisions this way. So it's it's there for anybody who's interested. The youngest we have in it is fourteen, but I think probably sixteen and older is maybe suit a little more for that, but we don't rule anybody out who's really enthusiastic. There's several instructors. I am one of them, but we tend to bring people in who are well versed and expertise in their field. Like, for example, the resume coach does resume writing for people for her job. That's her like her business, just for example. But it's exciting.

28:30 I enjoy it, and it's you know, as it's a former teacher or president teacher. You know, it's the feeling you get. There's a feeling you get from helping people that you can't get any other way. Yeah. I don't know how to describe it or whatever characterize it. But when you see somebody who might be struggling a little bit or really wants to get ahead, and you give them the tools, and you give them the path, and you give them the direction, and then they do it and you see the energy and the happiness it creates. It's it's extremely rewarding. And it's not a money thing. I mean, there can be money above, but it's not a financial thing. It's a stepping up of skill and it's a realization of potential. So yeah, they're just do not share Academy beautiful and and you know it's growing.

29:19 So it's becoming for me at least, kind of a legacy project to a degree. I look at all the kids that come through these things, and all the kids I've taught in the past is kind of like sort of adjunct children of mine. You know, I could tell a million stories. I tell you a quick one because I know we're coming up on time Thanksgiving. We're cooking and my wife forgot something, so for the fourth time in two days, I run to the supermarket to get like one item. Right then we needed to finish the stuffing. I say, some herb that went and stuffing I don't remember. I'm standing in line and there's a person behind me and it looked really failiar but I couldn't place them right, and we're kind of looking at each other. And I got like two things, got like three things, and the person ended me had like a turkey. And they're taking a lot of time. Anyway. Point is, after like thirty seconds, kid says to me, aren't you doctor Green? I said yeah, because on so and so you tutored me in biology when I was in ninth grade. Cool and I and I tooted to the mines ats as well. The kid is now, I said, what are you doing now? Oh, I'm a thoracic surgeon, right. So he graduated high school, graduately college school, did an internship, did a regiscy is now attending thoracic surgeon at a pretty well known hospital in my area. This is like twenty six years later, right, he's been He's been at the hospital like eight years already, and I'm like, yeah, I guess, I guess I did a good job teaching a biology back when. But you know, you create this is all part of the legacy, right.

30:50 It's the same with anybody who does coaching, and same with anybody who works with other people. Is you know, you see these people and sometimes you don't even know what happens to them, you lose track and all. But stories like that to me is what has made I wouldn't say my life worthwhile completely because there's other aspects, but certainly part of my career is knowing that you've touched a lot of people that way in a positive sense and there's been a tangible result. So this is the goal in the mission. One of the mission statement goals of the Academy, the Student Entreneur Academy, is to create our tagline is launching ten thousand entrepreneurs. That's our goal. It's lofty, but do you think how many kids are in high school, how many kids are in college. I think we can do it, oh for sure. Sure, you know, if anybody's interested, you know, we have cohorts launching all the time. You don't have to be super business minded.

31:40 You just have to be willing to learn and be a little bit out going. And I love how when we talked about the co parenting and each person taking their the lead and a part of where your child is going. And if you have a child who's kind of independent and wants to be wants to know more about entrepreneurship, I mean, this is excellent, especially if you're not an entrepreneur. This will help them. And I believe that doing it younger and even redoing it later on when they're ready to start, or they can start a little entrepreneurship project and then get to a bigger one. Well you should have seen something. You should see some of the projects these kids have done and they don't have It's not requisite you have to have a business, but it's part of it if they want. I mean kids really creative stuff and some of the really have done very well financially well, I mean like six figures.

32:35 It's really pretty amazing when you have the right tools, you have the right motivation, which you can say about anything. So this is it the ebook we can sit for an our time it's one of the tools we teach within the academy. That's become sort of one of our signature things of how people kind of it's like a portfolio people put it. The graduation as it were from this for phase one is they have to do a presentation and part of the presentations they have to provide a product, like something they can give out to everybody there. And because it's a lot of us unvirtually we do it virtually in an ebook, so the kids learn how to do it, they learn how to load it up with their information, they do videos to do podcasting. It's really very fully featured, I guess if you want to call it that. But yeah, so there's a lot going on here. So it's like I'm parents of thousands of kids in a vicarious way, I suppose.

33:29 Yeah, I'm going to plan to see because here in the province of Quebec, there's a big project to help kids, even in elementary school, do small entrepreneurial oh project you know that they do with the teachers' help. Obviously we have to go out of our way to support them in this project. But I had a student who was very shy and wouldn't talk but she wanted to start an art project. She's in great buy for the grade ones and two at lunchtime that did not like going outside, and she hated going outside, so one she found something to do that could keep her in the classroom, you know, with me during lunchtime, so she didn't have to go out as often. And when she started her project, quite a few kids joined. But at one point she had so many kids joining that she had to get a team going. And when she would talk to these kids, she learned to talk to them nice and loud, like every time I'd be in the classroom supervising, so I could give her some little tips, and she flew with the project. And because we would stay with the kids for two years grade five and six, she got to continue on to grade six and she had a team of four other grade six students helping her with this project because she had twenty twenty five kids coming at lunch.

35:00 Showery, that's the thing. Sometimes a little idea becomes a life changing thing. It's really interesting. Yeah, and that's eternal. I've seen that so many times. And that's why we need to go along with what our children want to discover, try out to see if it is for them or not for them. You know, at four, my daughter wanted to be a ballerina. She took the class, she didn't like it, so she finished her class, but then she moved on to something else. You know. Now she's doing something totally different that has nothing to do with that, and it's okay allowing them that space. So thank you so much, doctor Stephen Green. It was nice to have you and wishing you all the best.

35:49 And oh I have a closing that I usually do. I'm a little bit off here today, but anyway, so the ripple effect of love for dads and families. Look at check out on YouTube the other episodes that we have so that you can and in the blurb you will find the information to connect with doctor Green and with myself. You can find him on LinkedIn and you can also find him on some of the other platforms, and in the YouTube I've written his information. So wishing you all the best to you and your children and for you to step forward to be the best dad that you can be. Learning